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Married for 10 years, husband beats. Why did my love for him go away?translated

October 4, 2026 · 1 min read

Reader question:

Married for 10 years, two children. 9 years old husband raises his hand to me. Every year more and more people say that I am not what I would like. At first I resisted and didn’t understand him, then I tried to defend myself, now I don’t do anything, I just cry... At first I quickly forgave and showed love. Now I can’t. It seems that I have forgiven, we move on, but inside there is a “stop” to love, feelings, care, etc. We've been arguing constantly for 10 years. The reasons don’t change: either stupid jealousy, or not giving me a spoon on time, or not going to help right away, because I’m sitting alone with the children and it’s a whole story to go to another city to help my husband, etc. All the time we live 24/7, all 10 years. There is a feeling that I don’t love my husband, but somewhere there is a smoldering fire with hope for the best. It’s difficult to manifest and ignite it, not because of pride, but because I feel danger and don’t trust it. It seems that he doesn’t need my love, and there is a feeling that no one needs it and won’t need it except children. The feeling that I, in principle, cannot love any man, ever.

Why do I feel like I don’t love my husband as much as I should and would like?

Alexandra

Priest's answer:

Archpriest Andrey EFANOV

God you...

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💬 Comments (7) 🌐 Show original

Andreea Tudor

It is not normal to live 10 years with blows and threats for a tongue or a delay. I became a young widow and I know what it means to remain alone with a child, but better that than constant fear. Go to a good spiritual father and a specialist, Alexandra. Children need a whole mother, not one who cries continuously.

Десислава Илиева

Alexandra, 9 years of beating you and yelling at you for a spoon or being late, this is not a marriage, but a prison. I have seen such cases in the hospital - women come with bruises and say "I'm sorry" and then again. Your children grow up with it, think about them too. Go to a clergyman and a psychologist, don't wait another year.

Георги Колев

Alexandra, Desislava is right - 9 years of beatings is not marriage, but torture. Children really see everything and then think that this is how it should be. I have seen in our neighborhood how the woman forgives and then goes to the emergency room again. Go to a clergyman, but also to a good psychologist, don't delay.

Ilie Popa

It's not normal at all, you're right. I also saw cases in the parish where the woman kept waiting for him to change, but the children were growing up with fear in their breasts. Go to the priest and a counselor, Alexandra, to see clearly what you have to do.

Стоян Колев

Alexandra, Desislava, that's right - 9 years with fists for a spoon or for not being able to leave the children alone, it's not jealousy, it's just control. I see in people how such women after a while can no longer look at their husband, even if he does not beat them. Maybe it's time to move in with your mom for a while, take a breather, before you decide what to do with the marriage.

Florin Stan

It's not normal at all, you're right. I have an electrician neighbor who went through this a few years ago, eventually divorced after the kids started hiding when he heard the keys in the door. Go to the priest, but don't delay too much, Alexandra, because time passes and children see everything. How about, have you tried talking to someone who specializes in domestic violence yet?

Методи Попов

Alexandra, Desislava is right about the children - they really grow up with it and then think that's how it should be. I have seen in our neighborhood how boys later become just like their fathers. Maybe it's time to talk to someone at the church who understands such cases before it gets worse.