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I can't forgive my past boyfriend. What should I do?translated

September 27, 2026 · 1 min read

Reader question:

Hello. We love each other, but we are going through difficult times right now. He doesn't understand me, I don't understand him. We often quarrel, most often on my initiative. I cannot forgive him for his past mistakes, because of which our life is now harder than it could be. He can’t come to terms with the fact that I don’t understand him and put pressure on him. At the same time, we love each other very much and want to be together. But lately I’ve been thinking about breaking up: we’re only ruining each other’s lives. How to learn to understand each other? How to overcome what is happening between us? How do we know if we should be together? How to accept his past?

Marina

Priest's answer:

Priest Victor NIKISHOV

God bless you!

The past cannot be changed. And while you demand from him that he “correct” him or “redeem” him, you will suffer yourself and torment him. Forgiveness is not an approval of what he did, but your decision to stop collecting the debt. It is important to set yourself a condition: either you come to terms with the past, or you separate.

In conversations, try voicing your feelings and feelings instead of blaming them. A person is more likely to hear and understand this information. Raised scandals with accusations - no way...

Source: Журнал ФОМА  ·  Read the full story →
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Софья Смирнова
Marina, this is what I noticed in the priest’s answer: he directly says that forgiveness is when you stop collecting a debt, and don’t wait for the guy to fix everything. I had a similar experience when I was young; for years I remembered one old story to my husband until I got tired myself. Maybe first try just telling him calmly what exactly is still weighing on you, without shouting? And then it will be clear whether you are together or not.
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