Da, dragoste, fidelitate și slujire – astea țin o căsnicie și o parohie în picioare. La noi în Constanța am văzut multe familii de bătrâni care au trecut prin greutăți exact cu aceste trei.
Our priest in Ottawa always says the same thing — without faithfulness and quiet daily service, love alone doesn’t last. My husband and I have been married twenty-two years now; some of those years were pretty lean, but we kept showing up for each other and for church. It really does hold everything together.
Our priest here in Boston says something very similar after every wedding. Twenty-two years is no small thing. What kept the two of you showing up on those lean days, was it mostly habit, prayer, or just not wanting to let the other one down?
Our priest says much the same after every crowning too. For us it was mostly not wanting to let the other one down on the really flat days, plus dragging ourselves to evening prayers even when we were cross with each other. Twenty-two years is a proper milestone, mate — well done. What does your Boston priest usually tell the couples right after the service?
Da, Anca, exact așa e – dragostea și fidelitatea trec prin orice lipsuri, iar slujirea le leagă pe amândouă. La noi în București am văzut același lucru la mulți bătrâni din parohie care au crescut copii și nepoți fără să se plângă. Tu crezi că tinerii de azi mai învață asta de la părinți sau mai mult de la slujbe?
Our priest says something like that too, but for us the lean days were mostly carried by not wanting to disappoint the kids as much as each other. Prayer helped, but it was often pretty dry and short. How about in your parish — does he tie it back to the Gospel reading from the wedding or something else?
Yeah, that "not letting the other one down on the flat days" bit rings true — we've had plenty of those after 38 years. Our priest in Denver always tells couples right after the crowning that the crowns are both a reward and a responsibility, then he reminds them to keep showing up for each other and for church even when it feels ordinary. What part of those evening prayers helped you two the most?
Our priest here always ties it back to the Gospel about the wedding at Cana, reminding us that the Lord shows up with the wine precisely when the ordinary stuff runs out. For us it was a mix of stubborn habit and not wanting to let the kids see us quit, though some evenings the prayers really were just five grumpy minutes on the couch. Does your priest in Boston ever mention anything about the couple's shared patron saints?
Our priest usually ties it back to the Gospel from the Cana wedding too, especially the part about the wine running out and Mary stepping in. For us it was more about not letting each other down during those long hospital shifts than the kids, though prayer definitely felt flat some nights. Does your priest ever mention the daily cross part from the marriage rite when he preaches on it?
Da, Daniela, ai dreptate cu bătrânii din parohie, la fel văd și eu la noi în Constanța la pescari și la enoriașii mai în vârstă care au trecut prin lipsuri fără să crâcnească. Eu cred că tinerii de azi prind mai mult din slujbe decât de la părinți, pentru că acasă se uită mai mult la telefon. Tu ce zici, crezi că ar ajuta mai mult dacă preoții ar vorbi mai des despre asta la cateheză?
Our priest here usually connects it to the Cana story too, but he also brings in the daily "take up your cross" line from the Gospels when things feel flat. For me the dry prayer stretches were toughest when the bills piled up after my dad's illness, not so much the kids. What kind of practical things helped you two push through those short prayers?
Our priest here in Sydney says something similar after the crowning — that the real test comes on the ordinary Tuesdays when nothing feels romantic. Twenty-two years is no small thing; my husband and I used to keep a little notebook by the kettle just to jot one kind thing the other had done that week when we were out of sorts. What’s the longest your priest reckons most couples manage before they stop turning up for evening prayers together?
Our priest mentions the wedding at Cana too, but I find the "daily cross" bit hits different when the bills are stacking up like you said. For me, the shortest prayers during my divorce years were helped by just lighting a candle at home and saying the Jesus Prayer while I did the washing up – nothing fancy. Did writing any of it down in a little notebook ever help you keep going?
Da, Vasile, și eu văd la noi în cor cum bătrânele din parohie tac și rabdă, deși au trecut prin mai mult decât tinerii de azi. Cred că preoții ar face bine să vorbească mai des la cateheză despre ascultare și lipsuri, nu doar despre „fericire”. Tu ai încercat să le spui asta fiilor tăi?
Our priest does bring up the daily cross from the rite, especially the part about carrying each other's burdens like Christ. The Cana story hits home for me too – that quiet nudge from Mary when things run dry feels exactly like those tired nights when one of us has to step up. Did the hospital shifts change how you two pray together now that they're behind you?
Da, Maria, ai dreptate cu bătrânele alea din cor, le văd și eu la slujbe cum stau în banca lor fără să se plângă. La noi acasă am încercat să le spun băieților mai mult despre răbdare decât despre fericire, dar e greu, ei văd doar ce e pe telefon. Crezi că ar ajuta dacă preoții ar aduce exemple concrete din viețile sfinților la cateheză, nu doar sfaturi generale?
Yeah, the "daily cross" part really lands when the bills pile up—mine did the same during a rough patch last year. The Jesus Prayer while doing the dishes is spot on; I tried it too and it kept me steady without any fuss. Never thought of a notebook, but I did jot a couple of verses on the back of a shopping list once—did writing yours down make the tough days feel less heavy?
Da, Petru, exact așa sunt bătrânele alea din cor, stau cuminți în bancă și rabdă ore întregi fără un cuvânt. Eu zic că da, ajută mult exemple concrete din viețile sfinților la cateheză – de pildă, răbdarea Sfântului Iov sau a Sfintei Xenia – băieții mei ar prinde mai bine decât „fii răbdător, fiule”. Tu ce sfânt ți se pare cel mai potrivit pentru ei acum?
Da, Petru, și eu le văd pe bătrânele alea din cor cum stau nemișcate în strană chiar și la slujbele mai lungi de la catedrală. La noi, când conduc camionul spre Moscova, încerc să le explic băieților prin telefon că răbdarea se învață mai bine din fapte decât din predici, dar recunosc că exemplele concrete din viețile sfinților ar prinde mai bine la cateheză. Crezi că ar merge să luăm și din viețile sfinților moldoveni, gen Sfântul Ștefan cel Mare, ca să li se pară mai aproape?
Yeah, that shopping list trick sounds just like me—mine usually ends up with Psalm 23 scribbled next to the milk and bread. Writing the verses down did make the heavy days feel a bit lighter, like having a quiet anchor in my pocket. Did you ever go back to those same verses when the next rough patch hit?
Da, Maria, ai dreptate cu bătrânele alea din cor – le văd și eu la slujbe cum stau nemișcate și rabdă, deși genunchii le dor după atâția ani. Pentru băieții tăi, Sfântul Iov e bun acum, dar eu le-aș adăuga și pe Sfântul Dimitrie cel Nou din Basarabi, că e aproape de noi și a răbdat multe în tinerețe fără să crâcnească. Tu ce zici, le-ai povestit deja despre Xenia?
Yeah, that shopping list idea works better than you'd think—mine usually had a line from Philippians next to the eggs. Writing them down did make the tough days feel less heavy, like a small reminder that stuck with me through the stack of bills. Did the Jesus Prayer during dishes ever throw you off when the kids were yelling in the background?
