17. Немного о дружбе

"I was born to love..." The publisher of St. Philaret’s letters to the abbot of the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra, Archimandrite Anthony, introducing them to the reader, wrote back in 1877: “The public opinion about the Metropolitan, formed solely by his extraordinary mind and by his theological and oratorical works, of course, did not even suspect that in his chest beat a heart capable of tender friendship” (7:X). According to the Saint, genuine – in other words, Christian – friendship is complete mutual understanding, this is acceptance into the depths of one’s soul and entry into him, this is unity, self-sacrifice, this is the presence of another “I”. This is how he takes the life of his friend priest Grigory Ponomarev to his friendly heart and how he enters into it when his friend is sad: “Should I console you or cry with you? What am I saying? I have already cried for your misfortunes. And is it possible to prohibit feeling your own misfortunes when you cannot help but feel those of others? No! You have a heart - you need to sigh and cry. But let me tell you in the spirit of the prophet: your tears are needed for your joys, your misfortunes for your happiness. Do not lose this thought in your tears themselves - and your tears will be sweeter, your sorrows will be quiet. Do not think that I am telling you this as a preacher: I write what I feel. May I be excluded forever from among the sons of the Heavenly Father if I think differently about his Providence. - Providence! Think about him, my friend! These thoughts will shed a balm of consolation on your heart wounds. Expect the future while depriving yourself of the present; hope when you lose. Look at your past life. – You saw the smile of happiness; know how to bear his stern gaze: by the impermanence of happiness, learn that unhappiness is not endless. Don't forget that you are not the only one who is unhappy. If you could suddenly see the sea of ​​all human misfortunes, you would not at all notice the wave that now threatens to plunge you into despair... Forgive and do not forget to notify your friend about the consequences of your current state. Comfort your comforter” (37:1477–1478). He shares with his friend his family sorrows, home sorrows and turns his gaze to Heaven - the Mountain Comforter: “I heartily regret your family sorrows and ask God to fill you with consolation. He can turn your losses into gains” (37:1512). “I regret your domestic sorrows; but for consolation I believe that you believe in Providence” (37: 1513). “Brother in the Lord! Commit yourself to Him with all your heart with all your concerns. Do you not hear how decisively His word commands us to cast our sorrow on Him? “Whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.” How can they not be the Lord’s even when we suffer?” (37:1516)... When the clouds parted and the sun shone again in the life of a friend - Saint Philaret is still with him - now he rejoices: “I sincerely rejoice with you that God has arranged your state to be calmer than before. May He always protect you under His holy protection!” (37:1515). The nature of Christian friendship was revealed by Saint Philaret in his relations, first with his great mentor - the “second Father” - Metropolitan Plato (his canonization is being prepared, I believe it will be so), and then with Archimandrite Anthony, his confessor (now canonized). – Saint Philaret was devoted with all his soul to Metropolitan Plato and, naturally, his death brought him tears: “The saddest incident for me this autumn is the death of His Grace Plato, my unforgettable benefactor. He wanted me to say over his tomb: God wished that I could only cry over his memory” (37:1514). An even brighter image of Christian friendship in joint work for the good of the Holy Church is visible in the actions of Saint Philaret directed to Father Anthony. – In 1862 - just five years before the death of the Saint - Father Anthony expressed a desire to resign from his duties as the governor of the Lavra. And the saint writes touching, friendly words to him: “If in my resolution you find a reason to ask for dismissal from service, then in your letter there is a stronger reason for me to also ask for dismissal from service. It will be necessary to send both petitions together to the Holy Synod. But if they fire me, I don’t want you to be fired” (10:348). It is noteworthy that the Saint also indicates a general criterion for correct friendship: common love, meek, obedient. “To the two sisters,” he instructs, “connected by friendship to the point that the grief from the separation of their residence extends to fits, it must be said that in the house of the Heavenly Father there are many abodes, that they cannot demand from Him placement in one Heavenly abode, for there is given to everyone what is prepared by faith, works and predestination; that a person brings into the future life what he acquired in the present; that, consequently, if in Heaven they were divided into different abodes, they, with their private affection and sorrow for each other, could not be blissful, and, consequently, would be incapable of heaven; and for all this, it is necessary in good time to subordinate stubborn private affection to general love, meek and obedient. With this and similar admonition, those who are excessively bound by friendship should be encouraged to gradually accustom themselves to endure separation complacently” (3:32:33). The general conclusion to this chapter can be drawn from the inspired words of the Holy Apostle Paul: “Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). You might be interested in: