Часть III. Дневниковые записи Екатерины Духониной

How Father John of Kronstadt put me on the path of salvation (Diary of a Spiritual Daughter) Zealous for the glory of God, for strengthening faith in the grace of Christ given in the Orthodox Church, I decided to convey in print my memories of Father John Ilyich Sergiev, this deeply revered and respected unmercenary and healer by all - I decided to convey here everything that, through his prayers, happened to me and my loved ones, to convey one pure truth... How this real lamp on our darkened earth saved my life, led me off the wrong path, on which I could have completely died, carried away by my studies of spiritualism, how he took me under his leadership as a spiritual daughter and put me on the true path, making me a sincere, convinced Christian. I begin my diary in 1887, when I lived with my husband and my mother in the city of Vyborg, where my husband held the position of Vyborg commandant... 411 I loved my mother with all my soul and this year, having lost her, I fell into terrible despondency. Since at this time, thanks to reading Renan and Schopenhauer, 412 my previously firm faith began to waver and I began to strongly doubt the existence of an afterlife, after my mother’s funeral it became unbearably difficult for me; the thought that there is no afterlife and, therefore, my dear mother will decay without a trace and turn into the earth - this thought simply did not give me rest... And when one of my friends suggested that I take up spiritualism, assuring me that a future life, life beyond the grave exists, since otherwise, as she explained, the spirits of the dead could not come to talk with us and even show themselves to us, then at first I laughed in response to her proposal, saying that this was all nonsense, that some magicians were fooling gullible people... But one fine day she managed to persuade me to take part in a spiritualistic seance. Before I had time, as they say, to sit down at the table and put my hand on the saucer, my mediumistic ability opened up, Skobelev’s spirit spoke to me and told me something that no one in the world knew except my husband 413 . This circumstance immediately made me believe in spiritualism. From that time on I devoted myself to these pursuits with all my soul; I talked with spirits all day long and wrote whole volumes of such interesting messages that everyone admired and became interested in them. My husband did not believe in spiritualism and considered practicing it a devilish obsession; There was only one thing he could not explain to himself: how evil spirits could explain spiritual and religious issues so perfectly and how they try to strengthen faith and not shake it... This prevented him from banning me from my studies in spiritualism, although he was very dissatisfied, he was afraid that I would go crazy or eventually become abnormal as a result of my hobby. And so, in order to somehow entertain and distract me from these activities, he began to ask to be given another official assignment and transferred from Vyborg. For a long time the Minister of War did not agree 414, finding that my husband was very useful here, but finally invited him to accept the division in Orel, a terribly upset division 415, counting on my husband’s refusal of this proposal; however, he was very surprised when my husband expressed his agreement and even thanked him. We began to prepare to move to Oryol; my spirits praised this place, predicting that we would have a very good time there. Suddenly my husband receives from the minister an offer to accept a division not in Orel, but in Vilna, one of the best. My husband was not happy with this offer, since he preferred to go to a Russian city rather than to the western region, which he knew very well and disliked with all his heart, considering the Poles to be fake people and haters of Russia. I, having talked with the spirits, also advised him to remain with the previous decision, which is what he stopped at. We began to finally prepare for departure to Oryol. It was then that the torment began for us: all my husband’s friends and comrades began to attack him, saying that by abandoning Vilno, he had ruined his entire career, that now they would look at him differently than before... He began to think, worried, attacked me, saying that it was all my spiritualism to blame, that I listened to the spirits and gave him the wrong advice; he became nervous, irritable and grieved greatly. Seeing his mood in this way, I myself began to feel depressed, began to doubt and think whether the spirits were deceiving me; it got to the point that I fell into despair and decided to end my life, since, in general, since the death of my mother, nothing had interested me, except perhaps spiritualism. A friend of mine, who was very kind to me, noticing that something bad was happening to me, advised me to pray well to the Lord and write a letter to the wonderful prayer book, the priest of the Kronstadt Cathedral, John Ilyich Sergiev. I wrote a letter to Father John, asking him to pray that the Lord would deliver us from our moral suffering, which led me to bad thoughts. I cannot find words to express the delight that gripped my entire soul when I received a reply telegram: “I pray that the Lord will calm and comfort you.” I ran to my husband and met him - he was walking towards me, and so cheerful as I had not seen him for a long time. I had not yet had time to show him the telegram when he, kissing me, said: “Congratulate me, I have recovered and am no longer moping, at exactly twelve o’clock I suddenly felt somehow unusually light and joyful in my soul, the thought appeared that all the words of my comrades were nonsense, because everything is done by the Lord, not by people; Everything is destined for him for man, and I think that my destination in Orel is the holy will of the Lord, and therefore everything will probably be fine...” Then I showed my husband the telegram, he read it and said with conviction: “So it was because of his prayers that I felt so good and I felt so contented and happy... Father of Kronstadt is a real miracle worker.” We sent for our confessor, served a prayer service and thanked the Lord for our deliverance from sin and from all moral shocks. Having moved to Orel, we settled down perfectly, my husband managed to bring the division into brilliant condition and everyone there loved him. After the death of my mother, we were left with her grandson, my nephew, the son of her deceased sister, whom we took in when he was not yet two months old; We made every effort and care to raise and educate him. This twelve-year-old boy fell ill with measles, which was complicated by pneumonia, so the doctors found his situation hopeless; when the doctor told me that my beloved boy was going to die by evening, I sent my dear Father a telegram, asking him to pray for the dying man; on the same day the answer came: “Don’t worry, God is merciful, I pray!” When I sent the telegram, Vasya was barely breathing and his face was of some earthen color; the doctor sat with him, waiting for the end. But shortly before receiving a reply telegram from Father, the boy’s face became more lively, and he fell fast asleep; The doctor was surprised and noted that this was a very good sign. After sleep, Vasya felt better, and soon the boy completely recovered. We were resurrected in soul, thanked the Lord with all our hearts and prayed for dear Father. In 1890, when my husband was appointed chief of staff of the Moscow district 416, I accidentally learned that the Kronstadt Father, John Ilyich Sergiev, often visits Moscow and enjoys the same fame as a miracle worker and prayer book as in St. Petersburg; I firmly decided to see him at any cost. An opportunity soon presented itself: in one house I met S.Ya. Burchgard, who always travels with Father to Moscow 417; She, having learned about what happened to us through his prayers, promised to bring him to us. And so, on February 19, dear Father John visited us... I was immensely happy that I finally saw this wonderful man. We arranged a most solemn meeting for him, invited the entire headquarters, placed singers from the staff clerks along the stairs, and when Father arrived, my husband and I ran out into the street and met him; the singers sang a concerto for him. Father, going up the stairs, kept his hands on my head all the time, and my heart jumped with joy that he correctly guessed my desire to ask him, so that the Lord, through his prayers, would heal my terrible headaches, to which I had been subjected since childhood and which in Moscow intensified; I believed that this touch of his hands on my head would save me from this suffering. Having greeted everyone and given a blessing, Father John began to serve a prayer service; He prayed fervently, kneeling all the time, and read some wonderful prayers; then, having blessed the water and allowing everyone to venerate the cross, he went into the dining room, prayed, blessed the meal, sat down with my husband and began to talk with him about politics, about his official position, and somehow treated him especially kindly and cordially. I didn’t take my eyes off Father and was still amazed at his simplicity and extraordinary accessibility; it was clear that he loved everyone and was ready to serve everyone - I had never met such people, and my faith in him increased even more. After talking with another general, who had long been looking for an opportunity to see Father, Father John asked me what I was doing, and, having learned about my passion for spiritualism, he said that this activity was very harmful, as it greatly upsets all the nerves. To my answer that it is so enticing that all the spirits I call talk to me, that I can learn in this way the whole future, not only my own, but even that of other people, even if they are little known. To this, Father very gently remarked: “But these activities are not good, because it is not good spirits who are talking to you; I wouldn’t advise you to do this.” I said that then there was nothing else left for me to do, since I couldn’t stand social life at all, then I added: “Dear Father, my husband is being appointed as a corps commander in Minsk 418, and I really don’t want to go there, so I’m thinking of leaving everything and going to a monastery, I just feel sorry for my husband, who loves me more than anything in the world.” Here my husband supported me, saying: “She doesn’t like the world at all, and in the position of the wife of a corps commander, she will inevitably have to do everything that is required by this position,” and added: “Would you bless me, dear Father, to refuse and stay here, in Moscow, in the place I occupy.” Father John listened to everything attentively, hugged him and somehow especially heartily told him: “You know, your Excellency, that everything is done according to the will of God, which means that the Lord has destined that fast for you, you should not resist His will. My advice to you is to take the place offered; The Lord knows what you need, and what is useful for your salvation, he sends... However, forgive me, Your Excellency, for expressing my opinion to you in such a way; you are more experienced than me and you yourself know better what to do...” The husband was very touched by Father’s cordiality, bowed at his feet and, kissing his hand, said: “So, Father, bless me for the change in my life and for moving to Minsk.” Father John blessed him, hugged him and kissed him deeply, but his face was sad, as if he was looking at my husband for the last time. This circumstance made a strong impression on me. Soon Father began to say goodbye, and I asked him what he would tell me about my desire to go to the monastery; he looked at me seriously and said: “Now you have nothing to think about it, and at the end of your life, who knows, maybe you will be in a monastery; But practice less of spiritualism and don’t get carried away by it...” We accompanied Father to the carriage. It seems that in all our lives we have not felt as happy and contented as we do now, after Father John of Kronstadt was with us; and my headaches have completely disappeared and for twelve years now they have not bothered me. Having lived the happiest married life for 35 years, on December 17 I lost my dear, beloved husband... And how I lost it... Terrible! He died suddenly, and not at home, but in Moscow, in the Patchwork Hotel. I was completely heartbroken and never thought that I would survive my misfortune. I owe the fact that I remained alive and in my right mind solely to the prayers of my dear Father John of Kronstadt... S.Ya. Burkhgard, as soon as she learned about the grief that befell me, immediately informed Father about what had happened by urgent telegram and asked him to pray for my deceased husband and for me. Father John replied that he could not arrive before the 22nd 419, but he would pray... S.Ya. Burkhgard took me in and looked after me like a loving mother. My husband's funeral service and burial were carried out by His Eminence Tikhon 420; he, having said a wonderful funeral oration, turned to me and very cordially, but at the same time somehow sternly, said: “I ask you, Your Excellency, do not be discouraged, do not despair from the grief that has befallen you, and during the course of the year do not change your life, do not even think of entering a monastery; I don’t bless you with this under any circumstances.” My husband was a true Christian, a deeply religious man; despite the fact that his death was unexpected, for some reason they learned about it on the same day in all units of the troops where he served; Memorial services were celebrated everywhere, and I received so much attention and sympathy from all sides in my misfortune that it is difficult to imagine. On the ninth day of death to S.Ya. Burkhgard, where I was staying, Father John came, caressed me, calmed and consoled me, served a memorial service for my husband, blessed me with the Iveron Icon of the Mother of God and talked with me for a long time. I confessed to him, told him my whole life and expressed my desire to go to a monastery. Father John listened to me attentively and, even more strictly than His Eminence Tikhon, forbade me to even think about it, and ordered me to continue to live as I lived before, without even depriving myself of some of the comforts to which I was accustomed, blessed me to go to Minsk for my nephew, sell everything that was unnecessary there and settle down to live in Moscow, and he himself asked S.Ya. Burkhgard to find me an apartment. Having learned that I loved horses very much, I did not order them to be sold now, but to wait, if funds allowed and for how long; In general, at first try to lead the same way of life. He immediately added very energetically: “I only ask you and even beg you for one thing - give up your spiritualism and from today do not talk to your husband, or to anyone... I strictly forbid you to talk to your husband; It’s best to leave these studies completely, forget about them, don’t read anything, not written by spirits, no spiritualistic writings, and best of all, commit all your writings to the fire...” This was a strong blow for me, which I did not expect, because I had already begun to talk with my husband and this greatly consoled and supported me, which I immediately referred to Father John. To this he said very sternly: “This is not support, but destruction; pray more diligently to the Lord, He will support you and draw you to Himself, and if you do not leave spiritualism, then see that the Lord does not turn away from you...” I gave him a promise to fulfill his order, only asked permission not to destroy what was written, saying that I have more than fifty notebooks; then I asked Father to allow me to send him at least two notebooks so that he could become familiar with the nature of these notes and read conversations with Metropolitan Philaret of Moscow and Bishop John of Smolensk 421. Father expressed his consent to read them, but immediately added: “Still, promise that you will no longer speak to any spirits.” I promised to fulfill this, but expressed the confidence that Father, after reading these notebooks, would be convinced for himself that there was nothing bad there, but that, on the contrary, the spirits strengthened me in the faith, and then he himself would lift this prohibition from me. Father John smiled his wonderful smile and said: “Even if I don’t find anything special there, I still won’t give my permission to speak and write. I promise you that I will pray to God for you and ask Him to support you and give you the strength to endure your grief as a Christian...” Then Father blessed me, wishing me a happy trip to Minsk, said goodbye and left. I bowed at his feet and thanked him for all his mercy and attention to me. Taking advantage of the great favor of the deeply respected abbess of the Oryol Convent, Mother Antonia, at her invitation, after burying my husband and moving to live in Moscow, I spent every summer in the Oryol Vvedensky Monastery, renting a cell and taking advantage of the good advice of this true nun and Christian. I learned a lot from her and grew stronger in my faith. She advised me to renounce my will, and to do this, choose a spiritual father for myself and not take on any business without his blessing, but be resolutely guided in everything by his instructions and advice. At first it seemed to me absolutely impossible, I could not imagine how I would act not according to my own reason, but according to the instructions of my spiritual father, and where to find a priest whom I could respect and love so much that I would decide to subordinate my will to him, when I did not even obey my husband in everything... In Moscow, they found me an apartment in the house of a great admirer of Father John Ilyich, where he visited every time he came to Moscow. My hostess was so attentive to me that every time she invited me to a prayer service. Thanks to this, I got to know Father John more and more and, finally, with all my soul being drawn to this prayer book, I decided to ask him to take me as his spiritual daughter, feeling that my respect for him was so great that I would willingly give up my will and arrange my life in the way he would bless. However, for a long time I did not dare to turn to Father with this request, being almost sure that he would not agree to this, he is the only lamp in all of Russia; I was very confused by the question of when he had time for this and how I deserved such happiness, such attention to myself. I remained in these doubts and hesitations until September 16, 1897, when, finally, they all ended and I was happy in the full sense of the word. I just moved to a new apartment; Father John, having visited me, served a prayer service with the blessing of water, blessed my entire apartment and treated me with kindness and attentiveness characteristic only of him; I cheered up, plucked up courage, threw myself on my knees in front of him, bowed at his feet and began to ask him to take me as his spiritual daughter. He looked mercifully and asked: “Will you always obey me in everything?” I replied to this that dear Father already knows me, since, on his orders, two years ago I finally gave up my studies in spiritualism. Father John said “yes” and thought about it. I continued to ask, promised to obey in everything and direct my whole life according to his commands. He smiled and said: “Look, how quick you are, I’m taking you as my spiritual daughter, but life is too serious, let me think about it,” and kissed me on the head. I asked him to accept from me a blanket I had knitted for him as a souvenir; he accepted, thanked and called me a needlewoman; then he gave me a bow from the Oryol abbess; he said that he had recently been in Orel 422, learned about her ill health and sent her to tell her not to dare to get sick; then expressed the hope that she had recovered. I confirmed this and conveyed to Father the gratitude for his prayers from the Mother Superior, as she asked to do in the telegram I received from her yesterday. Father John crossed himself, said: “Thank you, Lord,” blessed me with the full cross and, saying: “Well, goodbye, my daughter,” he left. Then dear Father John came to Moscow two more times during this year, and I attended two of his masses, I saw him at V.E. Devil's, where after the prayer service he sat for quite a long time and talked with the old woman and me; In response to her request not to let me into the monastery, Father John said that now it was too early to think about it; I asked Father what he thought about me and my life, he replied: “I take him as a spiritual daughter, but as for life, then live as you want.” When the old woman began to ask him to allow me to take guardianship of the blind, he said that this was a good thing. Then he kindly treated the colonel who had arrived from Siberia, who had brought his daughter, who had been healed through Father’s prayers. The priest responded to the colonel’s gratitude: “Your faith is great, that’s why the Lord heard me, His insignificant servant, and therefore thank the Lord.” I accompanied Father John to the station and there I asked if he would bless me to join the “White Cross”, where I am called to manage a boarding school for military children; he affectionately remarked to me: “After all, you will devote yourself entirely to duty and business - your strength will not withstand it, no, live as you live, pray to the Lord and nothing else.” The next time Father said a word, I remember an incident: when he started talking about sins and punishments for them, one young lady screamed in a terribly wild voice, so that everyone was scared; Father began to speak even more strictly about the consequences of a sinful life, then she began to scream so much that they had to take her out of the church. After mass, I was able to see dear Father, receive his blessing and talk; to my question how he would bless me to fast, since my health cannot tolerate lean food, he replied: “Eat what you are used to, but only observe the fast in quantity and quality, denying yourself what you like best and what is unnecessary compared to what is necessary for nutrition.” To my second question, whether all those who love here and live completely according to Christian commandments will see each other in the future afterlife, Father John, without hesitation, said: “Certainly, if only with their lives they please the Lord.” Then I told Father that because of my solitary lifestyle, many of my friends consider me abnormal. He smiled somehow joyfully and said: “That’s how it is!” Well, there’s no need to be upset, for the sake of the Lord you need to endure everything, but the reward will be in heaven; look, don’t even think about succumbing to their conversations and changing your life, know that you can always and everywhere do good, for this you don’t need to return to the world, you can do much more good the way you live. You are on a good path, and don’t leave it.” January 13, 1898, Moscow. All the time since my last meeting with Father John, I prayed to the Lord that Father would visit me and, without my reminder, call me his daughter. Today my wish came true: Father John visited me and upon meeting me said: “Hello, my dear daughter, how are you doing? It seems that you are not entirely healthy? Well, let's pray." After serving the prayer service, Father confessed me; I, revealing my whole soul to him, expressed a thought that greatly embarrassed me - am I living correctly, doing nothing? Do I need to take on any feat? Father John said: “Nothing is needed; live as you live, just pray harder for your husband,” and, having learned that I was doing this, he added: “And you don’t need anything else, and if you find an opportunity, then give to the poor.” Then I told Father that, reading with great enthusiasm the holy fathers, I find more and more demands from them, so that fear attacks me, can I, such a sinner, even think about salvation - if the righteous are barely saved, then the wicked and sinful will appear 423 - she said that despondency had come over me, and exclaimed: “Only you, dear Father, is the righteous one among us.” able to carry out at least part of what you endure?” Father John became agitated: “Well, well, don’t call me righteous! What kind of righteous man am I? And you, look, don’t think of giving in to this despondency, God save you, the Lord doesn’t like that; pray harder and live as you live, and the Lord will save you, do not stray from the path on which He set you, dear daughter, and may the blessing of the Lord be with you...” Then, kissing me on the head, Father went into the dining room, blessed and caressed the guests I had invited, said goodbye to everyone and left. I felt so good, cheerful and joyful in my soul that with all my heart, with tears, I thanked the Lord for His mercy, for the fact that if He took my beloved husband from me, He did not leave me and sent such a wise mentor and spiritual father. Father John also came on February 17 and served mass; I managed to receive his blessing and instructions on how to spend the upcoming Lent in a Christian manner. Father said: “Look, act with reason, do not force the flesh too much, but take care of it as far as reason requires, do not exaggerate at all and do not do anything beyond your strength or more than your health allows.” Today Father served with the blind, 424 and I, despite the fact that I was very unwell all the time, stood up for mass very well and prayed earnestly; At the end of the mass, Father went to the headmistress and, having greeted everyone, turned to me, congratulated me on the successful completion of the fast and asked if I was fasting and how my weak health tolerated fasting; Having learned that I had severe cramps in my chest, he said: “Take care of your health; if you feel unwell, give it a break, and then, as soon as it passes, start fasting again.” Since I was unable to convey to Father John a very necessary letter from the Oryol abbess, I went to the station, taking with me a sick and very needy old woman, who had long asked me to give her the opportunity to see Father. Father John, having affectionately greeted and blessed us, walked with us into a separate room, read the letter I had given him and, looking at me carefully, somehow joyfully said: “Thank God that this is so,” bent down and kissed my head (I was on my knees) and added: “Well, thank you very much to Mother Antonia for such a good letter: give her my blessing and gratitude for her love for me and for everything that she wrote to me about.” Then he caressed the old woman, asked what she was sick with, rubbed her sore hand and, having learned that she was in dire need of funds, gave her 30 rubles; The old woman was, as they say, in seventh heaven, she did not know how or how to express her deep gratitude: I was even more delighted than she, because I saw in this that dear Father had read my thoughts and fulfilled my desire; I took this old woman with me in the firm hope that he would help her, and I myself put in the envelope exactly the amount that he gave her... Let people say that there are no miracles... But what is it? In my opinion, all this cannot be explained by a simple coincidence: that time I longed for him to call me his daughter - Father fulfilled my wish; Now I wanted him to help the old woman - and this came true. During this time, dear Father John visited Moscow three times and I was able to see him and talk with him. The thought that, living like this and doing nothing, I could not be saved, again began to overcome me and I strongly wanted to join the community of sisters of mercy; and just now, having prayed well and asking the Lord to reveal His will to me, I began to write a letter to Father, when I received the news that he was here in Moscow, and that I could see him at the station at 11 o’clock in the evening. When I arrived there, Father John, as usual, treated me very kindly, asked about my health, and how fasting was responding to me. I replied that thanks to his holy prayers, I fast all the time and even eat fasting with much greater pleasure than fasting. Father, apparently, was very pleased with my answer and smiled at me. When I began to ask him for his blessing to enter the community of sisters of mercy, he asked: “Do you really want this? - and his face became serious and sad, and added: “Well, this is a feat, a good thing,” and immediately turned the conversation to something else: “So I keep re-reading the letter of your beloved Mother Superior of Orlov and I am more and more pleased with her, what a wonderful heart she has and how she loves you; “Go to her for the summer, I bless you with joy, you will get better there in the clean air, and you will feel very good with her, go with God,” said Father, blessed me, kissed me on the head, got into the carriage and left. On April 10, I received a letter from Father John in which he writes that he read my letter and expressed deep gratitude to the Lord for so correcting and strengthening me, both morally and physically; writes that he prayed and will pray to the Lord that this will continue to be so; dear Father signed: “John of Kronstadt, who respects and loves you in the Lord.” Then Father was in Moscow on April 30 and celebrated mass at the Filaretov School 425. I prayed and received the Holy Mysteries from him. In front of the small entrance, Father John accidentally touched a large candlestick that stood on the right side of the altar, and a thick candle fell on him and burned his face right near the eye and must have seriously bruised him, because blood appeared on his cheek; but Father immediately came out of the small entrance, as if nothing had happened to him, he himself gave communion to everyone and even let everyone venerate the cross. At the end of the service, I visited the headmistress, blessed all the girls and sat down at the table, seating me next to her. To my question whether it burned my cheek badly, Father answered: “Well, of course, it burns and stings, but thank God it didn’t get into the eye; This is all about saving: if the candle were a whole, and not pieces added, nothing would happen.” Then they started talking about an article in Moskovskie Vedomosti, about how few believers there are; Father John said: “Yes, we are going through a difficult time, it hurts to see how people, without noticing it, are preparing eternal torment for themselves.” I complained to Father that my arms and back hurt a lot, and the doctor, added, found that my heart was also not fine. Father treated me sympathetically, took both my hands and rubbed them; Having learned that in two days I was going to Oryol, he joyfully blessed me with a full cross, with both hands, in the bishop’s style, and said: “Go with God, you will get better there, stay there for two months and come back; give my deepest regards and blessing to Mother Abbess Antonia,” then he poured it from his glass onto a saucer and handed it to me with the words: “Drink for your health”; began to say goodbye, blessed everyone and left. After this meeting, I felt completely healthy and so happy that I can’t even express it. I had a wonderful summer, returned to Moscow, and today Father visited me. He served an early mass for the blind and said a good word there on today’s Gospel - about the healing of a demoniac 426/427. He talked about how strictly we must watch ourselves and not allow demons in the form of various passions to overcome us, and he listed all the passions, so that each of those listening could find some kind of evil in himself and, heeding Father’s advice, begin to remove it. I took communion, and Father John, allowing me to venerate the cross, congratulated me. At the end of mass, Father, having visited several sick people, came to me and, at my request, went into my office; there I gave him an exact account of how I spent the summer and how much I sinned during all this time; then she said that she had been looking closely at monastic life and found that my dear mother Antonia was already tormenting herself too much with her intensified exploits. The priest listened to me favorably and said that the monastic vow requires feats, but still there is no need to exhaust yourself so much, especially for the abbess, who needs strength to manage the monastery; then he ordered me to be sure to attend mass on holidays; ordered to write to Mother Antonia that he thanked her for the memory and for her affection towards me, served a prayer service, consoled everyone present with a kind word and his attention, blessed everyone and left. During this time, Father John was in Moscow three more times and each time I was able to see him, pray and receive his blessing; I brought him a shroud of my work, which Father highly praised and ordered to give it to the church where he served, so that it would always be spread during his service. In response to her request to bless her to come to Moscow for eye surgery, he ordered her to tell her not to go anywhere, but to rely entirely on the will of God and not to use any medicine other than washing her eyes with holy water. Father John served a prayer service for my friend and sincerely prayed for my sick brother, but did not give his blessing to go to him in Zhitomir; He happily blessed me to go to St. Petersburg and petition the Minister of War there to extend my lease, 428 and added: “Your cause is just, and the Lord will help you,” and he said these words in such a convinced tone that I immediately believed in the success of my cause. In response to my statement that his book “My Life in Christ” dispels despondency and has a beneficial effect on the soul, Father John replied: “Here I poured myself out, the grace of the Lord helped me.” Today Father served at the Lepekhinsky hospital 429 and said a wonderful word on the Epistle to the Corinthians, where the Apostle Paul speaks of his rapture to the third heaven 430; described the first and second, and about the third, as the place of residence of our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, he spoke with such fervor and enthusiasm, with such confidence in all the bliss that awaits us beyond the grave, that I involuntarily thought whether Father had not experienced the same thing as the Apostle Paul. Since I was rarely able to have a good conversation with Father, I wrote him a letter about the issues that worried me, which I conveyed through my confessor to Father John as soon as he arrived. And when Father John saw me in one house after mass, he greeted me affectionately and said: “What are you, what task have you given me - to read your letter before mass - forgive me, my dear, with all my desire I could not do this, I only read the beginning and prayed well for you; Thank you very much for trusting me.” Then we talked about the sermon he had preached; Father said that now, as before, anyone, if he sincerely wants, can be saved and achieve the perfection that the Apostle Paul achieved; What hinders this, Father John said, is that now we have become very deteriorated and we do not have faith that can move mountains... I asked Father to impose penance on me, because I consider myself a great sinner and I am afraid that I cannot hope for salvation. Father John, looking at me kindly and affectionately, hugged me and said: “What penance is that for you when you are obedient,” and blessed me; I immediately felt unusually light and joyful in my soul. “Are you healthy?” - he suddenly asked (my hand really hurt terribly) and, without waiting for an answer, he took my hand and began to rub it tightly. After this, a prayer service began. During the entire prayer service, Father stood on his knees, prayed with tears, blessed the water, sprinkled it with it,, as usual, caressed everyone, blessed and left. My hand completely stopped hurting, and I returned home, having accompanied Father John to the station, the happiest of mortals and thanked the Lord with all my heart. Today Father visited me; During this time, he came to Moscow several times, and again I was at his services every time. While celebrating mass in the Lyceum Church 431, Father John spoke a word about the Divine miraculous power of Christ, healing everyone who flows to it with faith and is still abundantly poured out in the Holy Orthodox Church through the Sacred Sacraments, especially through Communion. “Christ,” said Father John, “now, as always, is close to each of us, closer to father and mother, closer to air, closer to everything visible; He is in the heart of every believer, if only we ourselves do not drive Him away from ourselves with our pride and all sorts of other passions.” Then, turning to those in charge, teachers and students, he continued: “Like any work, so will yours then be successful and fruitful when it is based on faith in Christ, when it is based on His Divine teaching and is carried out under the protection and guidance of the Holy Church... So, build the house of your soul on the rock of faith, and the rock of faith is Christ, and then no storms of passions or rivers of troubles will be afraid of you, and your house will stand...” When Father John came out and gave his blessing, he was squeezed to such an extent that he even changed his face; I was so scared for him that I had a headache. Probably, Father noticed this, because at my friend’s place, where he went and where I met him, he, having seen me and looking at me carefully, put both his hands on my head and held them like that for quite a long time. He himself looked terribly exhausted, but when I noticed this to him, he said: “Stop it, you don’t need to notice this.” I thanked Father for the sermon, asked him to pray for me and noticed to him that I really like to peer and analyze people’s actions; he replied to this: “You need to look at everything and experience everything, just don’t exaggerate, but you need to look at everything correctly, try to catch yourself, take care of yourself.” In response to my statement that now I don’t want anything more than to be saved, and I don’t ask the Lord for anything except a peaceful death, Father said: “And you do great - this is the only thing a real Christian should desire; by death we can judge what awaits us beyond the grave; peaceful death is the guarantee of future bliss.” Then, at my request, he blessed me to spend my Angel’s day with Mother Abbess in Orel and asked why I love her so much: “What has she done to you and how long have you known her?” And when I said that she turned me to the true path, led me out of my delusions, making me a deep believer, Father beamed all over: “This is real merit,” he said, “The Lord will reward her for this, and from me give her many thanks and a deep bow.” In December I saw Father John at the station; he then paid little attention to me and did not even give me a blessing; and when I asked him to pray for me, he answered in some dissatisfied tone: “Pray well yourself,” and left. I returned home in tears and tried in every possible way to figure out how I could upset Father, why he punished me so much... But on his next visit, Father John consoled me; Before the start of mass, he blessed me to receive communion (I knew about his arrival and was prepared) and, allowing me to venerate the cross, said: “I congratulate you on receiving the Holy Mysteries, my dear E.V. 432"; then one of my friends talked to me for quite a long time, praised my choice of the newspaper that I read, saying that Moskovskie Vedomosti is a truthful and sensibly reasoning organ, rubbed my sore hands and promised to pray for my health; During the prayer service he also mentioned my name, sprinkled me with holy water, blessed everyone, wished me health and left. I felt completely calm and happy. Today Father came to me straight from mass, which I did not attend due to severe toothache, and immediately walked with me into my office, blessed me kindly and gave me his instructions; allowed me to go to my friend for the summer and said that my company would be very useful for her. When I confessed to him that I somehow succumbed to the persuasion of my friend and once took up spiritualism, wanting to talk with my husband, Father John frowned and sternly said: “Make sure this is the last time.” In response to my request to bless me for accepting the position of head of the Alexander-Mariinsky Institute 433, Father resolutely stated that he did not bless me. After the prayer service, I begged him to take from me as a souvenir a small fold with the image of the Iveron Icon of the Queen of Heaven, the Holy Great Martyr Catherine and Michael the Archangel; Father John venerated it, prayed and, probably to console me, thanked me and said that I had accurately guessed his desire to have these icons; then he kissed me on the head and drove away, leaving me in the most joyful mood. Today I saw dear Father John with my friend M.; Father greeted me, blessed me and was very kind to me. When he heard from me that Vladyka Metropolitan Anthony of St. Petersburg 434 did not advise me to go to the monastery, finding that I had no obedience, Father John immediately took a glass of tea and said: “Here’s your obedience: go downstairs and dilute my tea, otherwise it’s very sweet”; I gladly fulfilled his request; but he tasted the tea and made me go up the stairs two more times until I pleased him. Then he gave everyone his tea, blessed them and left. Today at mass Father said a good word about the need to think less about entertainment and more about the Church and not to engage in empty literature, but to read more of the Gospel, which should be a reference book for everyone; He said about prayer that it should be tireless, heartfelt, condemned vices and especially attacked drunkenness. To my question whether I did the right thing by bringing a Jewish woman to church for his service, he answered: “Do you remember how the holy fathers allowed pagans to attend their services and how many of them converted then?” When I asked what was better, whether to accept Catholicism or remain a Jew, Father John said: “Of course, Catholicism is not the right kind of Christianity, but it is still Christianity, and through it she will still be closer to Christ than by remaining a Jew.” After serving mass with the blind, dear Father visited me at exactly four o’clock, greeted me, called me his dear daughter, asked about my health and confessed me; He completely approved of my current way of life, ordered me to pray in my own words when performing prayers at home, and whenever I bowed, to ask the Lord every time to deliver me from some sin; He ordered everyone to fast during all posts, and also ordered him to completely stop playing the piano. He did not order me to enter into any activity or take on any leadership, he blessed me to go to Warsaw in the summer to visit my friend, but he ordered me to refuse the community of sisters of mercy offered to me there, he ordered me to return back to Moscow and live here as before, under his leadership. Dear Father John served me a prayer service, treated everyone kindly, wished me a safe journey and return, and left. I spent half the summer in the Warsaw province, in the village, and the other in Oryol, with my beloved Mother Superior of the Oryol Monastery, Mother Antonia, and yesterday I returned home safely. Today, dear Father John, having celebrated mass at the Ascension Convent 435, visited me. I had a lot of people gathered who wanted to see him, and Father treated everyone extremely nicely: he talked to some about business, whom he treated with the touch of his hand and prayer, who he rewarded with good advice; then he went into my office and listened in detail to how I spent the summer; Having learned that I had lost interest in my friend, since she was very unsympathetic to my way of life and even called it foolishness, Father John said that this was all nonsense: “Let them say what they want,” and added: “But it’s a pity for her, it would be better if she, too, stopped loving the world.” In response to my question whether it was time for me to enter the monastery, he said: “It’s too early for you not only to enter, but also to live at the monastery - save yourself in the world - they won’t pass a new law for you so that you can keep your pension when you take monastic vows, but you shouldn’t refuse it.” He blessed me to live as before, began to serve a prayer service and sprinkled holy water on my very painful hand, which gave me noticeable relief. Sitting down at the table, Father saw my cook from afar, called her to him, poured tea onto a saucer twice and, blessing, gave it to her, saying: “Drink to your health”; gave tea to me and many others, blessed everyone and left. I accompanied him to the carriage, which dear Father John could barely get into - such a crowd of people had gathered - everyone wanted to receive his blessing - and everyone was consoled by him. Sitting in the carriage, Father John blessed me and extended his hand, which I kissed with all my heart, thanking me for visiting him. Only after seeing Father off did I learn that just before his arrival, my cook, while descending from the attic, fell from the stairs and hurt her side and arm so badly that she could hardly move; After Father’s tea, she felt completely encouraged and the pain had already gone away. Today Father John served at the Lepekhinsky almshouse, where I received Holy Communion; Having learned that I was still ill, he visited me. Before this, I saw Father at my friend’s on September 28, then he eased the pain in my hand by rubbing it and soaking it in holy water; that same time, I remember, during a prayer service they brought to him a young girl with wonderful open eyes, but completely blind - he, having prayed fervently, washed her eyes with holy water (I later saw her completely sighted), and he caressed and consoled many others then. I met Father today in my yard; He, having learned that I was all ill, treated me very kindly and sympathetically. “Well, let’s go and pray to the Lord well,” he said; then a young lady came up to him and complained of severe pain in her side, saying that she was bleeding a lot. “I am very afraid of death,” she added. Father caressed her and began to reassure her: “And there is nothing to be afraid of death,” he said, “it is joy, because it transfers a person to another, real life, where we will be blissful. What a life here! Why feel sorry for her... there is nothing but grief and suffering,” he asked and convinced the girl not to lose heart, to pray well and completely rely on the will of God; wrote down her name and promised to pray for her. Then they brought him a drunkard, but a good man at heart. Father also treated him cordially, persuaded him not to drink, and argued that drunkenness angers the Lord. “And you’re ruining your whole life, because you’re losing your image,” he said. Father John's words moved this man to tears, and he made a positive promise to stop drinking. While serving the prayer service, Father prayed all the time on his knees and with tears asked the Lord for healing and forgiveness of all our sins. After serving the prayer service, Father John sat down at the table, sat me down next to him and began asking me about my trip to St. Petersburg; I said that everything worked out with his blessing and the rent was left to me 436, Father crossed himself and said: “I thank you, Lord”: then, asking sympathetically what was especially painful for me and why I kept getting sick, and, after some silence, said: “Now, while you are unwell, come to me more often, every time I serve here.” I kissed his hand, thanked him for this mercy and promised to carry out his orders without fail, with great joy. Father blessed me, kissed me on the head and left. Today marks the fourth anniversary of my husband's death; dear Father John consoled me, celebrated a funeral mass for him, gave me communion and came to me at four o’clock; here he prayed with us, graciously accepted from me the veil of my work, calling me a hard worker and a good Christian for this! When Father John drank tea, I kept kneeling next to him and, out of an abundance of gratitude that Father did not forget me on such a memorable day for me and prayed for my husband, I kissed his hand all the time; he was so kind that he did not take it away, obviously fully understanding my state of mind. At those moments I was completely happy and inwardly thanked the Lord with all my soul for sending me such a spiritual father, such a man of prayer as Father John of Kronstadt. When I asked for a blessing to submit a petition to be made the head of the institute, Father thought about it, but still said that he would not give a blessing... “Live as you live, your path is real,” he said; then he gave me a drink from his glass of tea, blessed me, wished me health and left, leaving me the happiest person for the whole day. Today I confessed to my regular confessor, who gave me some good advice, told me to arm myself with patience and accept every temptation as a lesson for learning about myself and correcting my shortcomings. I received communion from dear Father John. At mass he spoke a wonderful word about the meaning of the Lamb of God. “The Lord,” he said, “loved the human race so much that He sacrificed Himself for our sins,” and continued with conviction: “No one should doubt salvation!” No matter how sinful anyone may be, just repent sincerely, and the Lord will forgive, even a robber, a murderer, and He will forgive those as soon as they repent from the heart. There will be no forgiveness only for unbelievers, suicides and Judas.” Then he also said that not only the prayer of a priest, but also the prayer of the laity for each other is powerful to ask the Lord for forgiveness, mitigation and mercy, just like prayer for the departed... I listened with great attention and was amazed that with this sermon Father resolved all my questions that I had asked in confession. I received a blessing from Father John in my friend’s apartment, where I witnessed how Father healed two people, an old woman and a girl, who were, as they said, possessed by a demon. When they were brought to Father John, their faces were terrible, some kind of brutal, frantic, it seemed that they would immediately rush at him and strangle him; but Father was calm and only repeated: “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, come out of her.” At first he turned to the old woman, who at first persisted and remained silent; Finally, after the third command, she began to writhe strangely and wildly screamed something meaningless: “My name is fisherman.” Father John began to demand that she tell her real name; Finally, she said: “Catherine”; then, having prayed, Father said: “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I command you, get out of her,” she began to beat even harder and shout in a frenzy: “I won’t get out, I won’t get out!” Father repeated his order even more commandingly: she gradually sank to her knees, began hugging Father’s legs, saying: “Thank God, he came out,” and calmed down. Father John did the same with the girl - she turned out to be more obedient and calmed down, he allowed them to venerate the cross, giving them communion with spare Gifts. After this, Father John, having prayed, sat down at the table, talked with the hostess and said that it was the frost that had such a bad effect on her health. I expressed my surprise and joy to Father that in his sermon I found answers to the questions that were deeply occupied with me. He, apparently, was very happy about this and said: “Thank God that this happened - the soul gives the message to the soul”; then he began to say goodbye, blessed us and left. Today dear Father was in Moscow again; he served in the Lyceum church and said a good word there about how Christian teaching brought salvation to some and destroyed others, depending on our attitude towards it. “Not always,” said Father John, “they treat him with complete faith, more often with reasoning and criticism, which, as phenomena not of God, but only manifestations of the human mind, almost always lead to errors and misconceptions; yet those who listen to these critics and philosophers fall into deception and deviate from the true teaching of Christ and, of course, will not be saved, but will perish if they do not come to their senses in time and, through prayer and sincere repentance, do not beg forgiveness from the Lord.” From mass, Father John came to me, where he was met by a large company of his admirers, who were eagerly awaiting Father; Father John blessed everyone and talked for quite a long time with one consumptive deacon, who was very depressed as a result of his illness, and encouraged him, saying: “God is merciful, do not be discouraged, but believe and pray - and you will be healthy...” He was also attentive to one patient who suffered from severe gout, patted her on the shoulder and back with the words: “Calm down, you will get better and everything will pass.” Then dear Father John confessed me; I told Father John that the more I look at monastic life, I am more and more amazed that almost everywhere lies and flattery prevail over the truth and that this makes me cool towards monastic life, and added: “Is this not from the enemy?” He listened to me carefully and said: “Of course, this is not without it, although in monasteries it happens like that; but still they should not be denied for this, they are needed and bring great benefit...” After this, Father read the letter I had submitted from the Oryol abbess, in which she complained of ill health and asked for his blessing to leave the abbess 437, wrote that she wanted to die, and asked Father John to pray to the Lord for her. Father John said that he did not bless him to refuse the abbess: “There is no need, because now it won’t be long, let him endure until the end,” 438 he added. Then he served a prayer service and asked to pour some tea for him, and when I served it, he found it strong, ordered it to be diluted, drank a little and handed it to me with the words: “Drink for your health, dear daughter.” This address to me - “dear daughter” - made me incredibly happy, I kissed his hand and asked him to accept the embroidered airs from me and serve with them. Father willingly took them, saying: “But in your work and in life you are a real nun, I will gladly fulfill your request and take them to Kronstadt,” kissed me on the head, talked with those present and, passing through the living room, suddenly asked me: “Do you read spiritual books?” (there was a volume of Chrysostom lying on the table) and in response to my answer that I was straight reading Chrysostom, he beamed all over and said so cheerfully: “You couldn’t wish for anything better than this,” - he walked up to the table, took the book, opened it and kissed it in three places. To my statement that Chrysostom had a lot in common with Father, he replied: “This is my most favorite teacher, and indeed I completely share him and draw from him,” he kissed me again on the head, crossed me and left, leaving me in the most rosy mood. During this time, Father John came three times. I saw him once at the station and received his blessing, but I did not have the opportunity to talk with him; then, on March 22, he served in the Nikitsky monastery 439, and I managed to see him at the Nikitsky abbess, where he treated me very kindly, blessed me, and when I complained of a headache, he put his hands on my head, pressed them tightly and said: “Don’t worry, it will pass, by faith it will be given to you.” I conveyed to Father John the request of one woman to pray for her missing girl; Father said with great regret: “Now it often happens that they are exploited,” he felt very sorry for the poor woman, promised to pray, but said nothing to console her. Father said to himself that he was ill because, having slipped, he broke his knee and could not serve mass 440, but had to return home; said that in Kronstadt he had to convert up to five thousand people. When asked by one priest who Father sympathizes with - the Boers or the British 441 - he answered: “Of course, I am for the Boers and I am very glad that the British are being beaten.” Today I met Father John at the station, received a blessing and gave him several letters; then she held mass in the Bourgeois almshouse and received communion. Father said a word on the Gospel about marriage in Cana of Galilee 442. “The Lord, by His presence,” said Father John, “consecrated Marriage to us and laid the foundation for this Sacrament...” Further, Father John advised to be condescending towards human weaknesses, recalling how the Lord in Cana of Galilee, not wanting to work miracles, listened to the Mother of God and laid the foundation for His miracles by turning water into wine... After mass, he visited my friend, blessed everyone and confessed to Christ; then he talked to two sick nuns who had arrived from Orel, asked what they were suffering from, one put his hand on his head, the other rubbed his throat and did not order him to go to the doctors and get treatment. “God is merciful,” said Father John, “ask your confessor to allow you to partake of the Holy Mysteries more often, of course, with the most strict preparation, and the Lord will send you relief.” I conveyed to Father the gratitude for his prayers from the mother of the missing girl, saying that she was now calmer, no longer tormented by the unknown and assumptions of the most painful nature, and fears of the worst: the Moscow River threw out the corpse of her girl... Father John crossed himself and said: “The Kingdom of Heaven to her,” and during the prayer service he prayed especially fervently for the poor mother and her untimely death daughter, then blessed us and left. Finally, I waited for dear Father; During this time I was very ill, I even went to the doctor, who found that I had severe gouty rheumatism along with kidney problems and ordered serious treatment; but I did not dare to do this without the blessing of Father John; Having learned yesterday that Father was coming and would be with me, I traveled all over Moscow, looking for something with which I could treat him, and returned saddened, having found nothing of the kind, and began to prepare for Holy Communion. Father John served in an almshouse for blind old women and there spoke a word on the Ascension of the Lord. He said: “When the Lord ascended into heaven, He sent in His place the Holy Spirit, Who also had to take part in the salvation of the human race; God the Father created the world, Jesus Christ destroyed hell and opened the doors of the Kingdom of Heaven to us, and the Holy Spirit must complete the work of salvation and help us get rid of sin...” Addressing us, Father John added: “We must try with all our might not to quench the Holy Spirit within ourselves.” At two o'clock dear Father John came to me, and I met him in the yard. Having greeted and congratulated me on receiving the Holy Mysteries, he blessed me and, placing his hand on my shoulder, went up the stairs; here he was surrounded by a whole crowd of people waiting for his blessing; Having given his blessing to everyone, Father John went to my office and there he spoke to me very gently, answered all my questions, showed me how to know the will of the Lord: “Through prayer, guided by the heart and conscience,” he said; blessed the girl of the family I patronized to be placed with a nun and attend her monastery school. Having learned about my illness, he was very sorry and said: “Take homeopathy, but you don’t need any special treatment, pray earnestly to the Lord, and communicate more often, the Lord is merciful.” Father John said to himself that now, thank God, he had completely recovered, but he was very tired and saddened by the fact that during his service in Kronstadt, during a strong crush and crush, one woman was crushed to death 443; This incident torments him terribly and gives him no peace. When I asked: “Isn’t it time for me, dear Father, to go to the monastery,” he somehow joyfully listened to this, even kissed me on the head, but said: “Not yet, wait, stay with Mother Antonia, test yourself thoroughly, and then the Lord Himself will indicate the time... I thank you that you trust me so much and obey me in everything,” he blessed and went out to serve a prayer service; at the end he said: “Well, give me some tea, I’m terribly tired,” and with great pleasure he drank half the glass, thanked me and gave me the second half with the words: “Here, drink it to your health, my dear daughter”; spoke affably with my homeopathic doctor, expressed his deep sympathy for homeopathy and then said that he had a cenobitic monastery in his homeland in Sura, and now a compound was being built for him in St. Petersburg, which would also be ready soon 444. At the same time, looking kindly and kindly at me, he added: “I’ll be glad when you go there, in a year it will be ready.” When parting, dear Father John blessed me, kissed me on the head and made me incredibly happy with his farewell words: “My good, dear daughter, a pure, open soul.” I accompanied him to the carriage, parted with Father so inexpressibly happy that it was impossible to say; all my guests were very grateful to me for the opportunity to see dear Father John, talk with him about their needs and receive consolation from him in their sorrows... On the third of June, leaving with Father’s blessing for Orel to the Vvedensky Convent for the summer and intending to spend my time in a completely monastic way, I decided to write to Father John a letter in which I asked for his instructions, in response I received a letter from Father with the following content: “Thank you, my dear spiritual daughter, for your spiritual submission to me; So, listen: for the sake of the Lord, fast during both fasts this summer - Petrovsky and Dormition - on Wednesdays and Fridays, eat fasting, drive away indulgences of the flesh from yourself, enslave the flesh, reject self-indulgence, be a slave of the Lord, and not of the flesh and its lusts. Having spent a wonderful summer with Mother Antonia, I just returned yesterday and today I already hosted my dear Father, met him at the station, received a blessing, thanked him for the prayers that helped me spend the whole summer so well, monastically, and asked him to visit me. Father John arrived, blessed everyone as usual, and began to read the letter I had given him from Mother Antonia; Now, after reading it, turning to me, he said: “Still, I do not advise her to leave, let her bear her cross to the end; As for her view of the cross, given to her as a harbinger of misfortune or torment, she is mistaken in this - the Cross is an instrument of salvation, the Kingdom of Heaven is opened to us by the Cross, we must look at receiving the cross as a great mercy of God and hope that it will help us endure all trials with complete submission to the will of God; I always rejoice in the Cross and thank the Lord.” Then, after serving a prayer service, Father asked me how I spent the summer; Having heard my answer that I spent it quite like a monk, he laughed at this and said: “Well, don’t brag,” he hugged me and stroked my head for a long time. I told Father that a blind man was asking for his blessing for an operation; Father John said: “If the doctor is not urgently required, then there is no need,” and then, after praying internally, he added: “And there is no need at all.” After that, he asked me where I would stay to live, and, having learned that it was here in Moscow, he baptized me and left. I saw dear Father John at the station today; there, in the inspector's rooms, I managed to talk a little with him. When Father learned that, thanks to the efforts of the Minister of War, my lease was left for another three years, he ordered me to go to St. Petersburg to personally thank the Minister and willingly gave me his blessing to accompany Father to Petersburg on his next visit; then he said goodbye to me and went to his carriage. Today Father John served mass in the Kremlin at the Ascension Convent (I was very unwell today and, while waiting for Father at home, I was well prepared to receive the Holy Mysteries). Father John arrived and, giving me communion, looked at me intently and said: “Save and heal, Lord, the servant of God Catherine...” I immediately felt light and good in my soul. Before beginning to give communion, Father John, with a particularly inspired look, addressed us with a speech in which he pointed out the great significance of the communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, and also emphasized the great and important importance of the clergy - archbishops, bishops and priests - saying that only our Orthodox Church has bishops appointed by the apostles themselves, to whom the Lord Himself has given grace as a gift from the Holy One. Spirit; All other religions and creeds, Father said, except the Catholic, cannot be considered religions, since they do not have such a blessed priesthood, and added; “Therefore, the clergy, quite rightly and quite deservedly, should enjoy the love of their flock, and the flock should be obedient and submissive to them, and then only the Church will flourish.” In the evening, I talked with Father at my friend’s place, who suffers from tabes spinal cord and for twelve years, sentenced to death by all doctors, lives only on the prayers of Father John; As usual, he treated me kindly when he learned that I was not feeling well, rubbed my sore shoulder and held his hand on it for quite a long time, saying; “You’re sick enough,” he caressed the hostess, blessed everyone and served a prayer service. He sat down at the table, sat me down next to me, and told me about his trip to the Grodno province, to Suwalki, and about the wonderful impression his visit to the women’s monastery 445 made on him, which he still remembers with delight; and in general, Father John spoke with great praise about women’s monasteries, said that nuns work like bees, that monasteries bring enormous benefits to Orthodoxy, and added: “The more I know them, the more convinced I am of their necessity.” - “And when, Father, will you order me to go to the monastery?” – I asked. He smiled so kindly and said: “Do you have a desire?” - “I’m only waiting for your order, if you bless me, then at least now!” – I answered. He smiled even more affectionately and remarked: “Wait a little, get ready, and as soon as my yard is ready, I will certainly take you.” Then Father John said goodbye to everyone, gave everyone advice, blessed them and left for the station; I saw Father off and returned home, feeling quite happy. With the blessing of Father John, I went to meet him, in the city of Klin, and with him proceeded to Moscow. Father met me very friendly, said that he had received my letter and was glad to see me, said that he approved of my desire to enter the monastery, but before that it was necessary to take care of maintaining my pension, because without it it would be difficult for me in the monastery. “Prepare a little at a time, sell out and give away everything you have left over,” he added. Then, at my request, he confessed me, saying: “I will begin by confessing you as a mediator between the Lord and you and as a loving father”; After listening to me, he continued: “Try to look inside yourself, you will always find many sins there, look more often into your heart and try to cleanse it, and leave others to judge themselves and the Lord: work more on yourself, this will correct yourself, and you will please the Lord,” and he forgave all my sins. I felt light and good; my heart overflowed with gratitude to Father, and I bowed at his feet, saying: “I don’t know how and with what I will thank you, dear Father, for everything you have done to me; you saved me from my destructive hobby and put me firmly on the real path; I firmly believe that through your prayers the Lord will help me completely improve.” He, going deep into himself, began to pray, tears appeared in his eyes; it was clear that his soul, full of gratitude, ascended to the Lord. I felt so joyful at that time that I involuntarily thought about how good it would be to die at that moment... Then Father John said loudly: “With all my heart I thank you for her, Lord,” and, turning to me, he affectionately added, “it’s all the Lord doing, I have nothing to do with it, thank Him.” Then people started coming to him all the time for his blessing, and so we got to Moscow. At mass where he served (at the shelter of Princess Mary), Father John said a word on the Gospel about the healing of the centurion's servant 446; he admired the extraordinary simplicity and strength of faith of the pagan, comparing with him the Jews who did not believe and whom the Lord deprived of the Kingdom of Heaven, while the centurion’s request was immediately granted; then Father continued: “What could be simpler than the teaching of the Gospel of the Lord, which must be constantly read, but not at all philosophizing in your own way, but accepted as the holy fathers explain and as it is written; not to act as we often do now: what we like, we accept, and what is not for us, we reject, to which we have no right. We now live in a time when many have completely lost faith; our intellectuals,” said Father, “either believe in their own way, or don’t believe at all: and here, in Moscow, a learned, educated writer often appears, distorting all Christian concepts and interpreting the Gospel in his own way 447 . The Lord will not forgive him for this, even if he repented, because he has already seduced many and is still continuing to seduce; and the Gospel says: woe to him who deceives even one of these little ones 448; so, he cannot escape eternal torment, because not a single word in the Gospel will remain unfulfilled.” At the end of the service, the warden invited Father John to her place, but she let in such a mass of people that it was impossible for Father to move, and he quickly got out into the corridor, where he was again surrounded by new crowds. How he was able to get to the carriage, I no longer saw; I went out the other way and went to my friend, where I waited for Father. He looked cheerful and cheerful, almost ran up the stairs and cheerfully greeted us all; to my question how he felt after such a terrible crush that he had to endure, he answered: “As you can see! Nothing, everything is fine." After serving the prayer service, he sat down at the table, but did not touch anything himself, but only treated others. As he was leaving, Father John, already on the stairs, turned to me and said: “Today, without preparing at all, I said a word, but it seems it turned out well; it can benefit many,” and he left. Father visited today a 90-year-old old woman, General Cherepova, and served a prayer service with her; I was greatly delighted and consoled by his message: “I keep all your letters and re-read them,” he told me; in a fit of gratitude, I warmly kissed Father’s hand. He served an all-night vigil with another friend, and I conveyed to him deep gratitude from General Baranova, who, having been sentenced to death by doctors, was completely healed through the prayers of Father John. Father John at mass (he served in the Lyceum church) said a word on the Gospel: Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the Kingdom 449 “No matter how great the need for science in this life, spiritual preparation for the Kingdom of Heaven,” said Father John, “is more necessary; selling estates, giving alms, thus improving morally and thinking more about our neighbors than about ourselves, we must remember that here on earth we are strangers, that everything that is here is all transitory, and therefore we should not become overly attached to anything.” From the church, Father, having let everyone venerate the cross, drove straight to me, where a whole family of Siberians, who had come to Moscow specifically to see him, were waiting for him. As soon as he entered, greeted me and gave me a blessing, a Siberian immediately approached him, asking to speak with him alone, which Father John did. After talking with him, Father came to me, sat down on a chair and said: “In response to your letter, in which you write that you are sacrificing yourself to me and asking me to do with you and your life whatever I please, I will tell you - you are not sacrificing yourself to me, but to God”; then he asked me how things stood with the question of maintaining the pension, and having learned that it would be preserved only with a secret tonsure, he became sad, thought about it and said: “But without money, it’s hard for you in the monastery; talk to His Eminence Metropolitan Anthony, and do as he blesses.” He blessed me to go to St. Petersburg, but ordered me to stay there somewhere in a courtyard, but forbade me to stay in hotels. After the prayer service, during which Father prayed with tears, the Siberian began to ask him to accept a three-thousandth share from him and become a member of some newly established society, but Father John resolutely refused both; when I asked him to accept the veil I had embroidered, he graciously accepted and, examining the work, said that I was a very good craftswoman. I inquired to know what impression the sermon of Archbishop Ambrose of Kharkov made on Father, in which he calls us Christians living today pagans 450. Father John perked up and said: “But he’s right, we really have become pagans,” he praised Chrysostom and advised me to read his explanations of the Gospel of Matthew. Then he blessed everyone, kissed me on the head and left. Today Father was in Moscow and blessed me to go in the same carriage with him to St. Petersburg. During mass, he said a short word about the fight against passions, about how they strongly take possession of a person, creeping into him completely unnoticed, and completely absorbing him. I took communion and only thanks to the attention of Father I was able to venerate the cross: he handed me the cross over the heads of others, since due to the strong crush I could not get closer to him. I was lucky enough to get a ticket in the same carriage as Father, and upon his arrival on the train, he invited me to his place. When the train started moving, we were left alone, and thus I had the opportunity to have a good talk with Father. Father John gave me advice on how to deal with passions that never completely leave a person, which is why one should always be fully armed and ready to repel them; expressed disapproval of me for keeping a Lutheran woman, and praised me when he learned that I had found another place for her. “They can never be trusted, they don’t sympathize with our faith, they don’t have this sympathy, not at all,” he said. To my question: “Is it true that you are going to retire?” - Father answered: “No, no way, with God’s help I want to remain in my field until the end”; then he added: “I might go on holiday to my farmstead in St. Petersburg, but I won’t go anywhere...” I asked: “Is it really better to be saved in monasticism?” Father John replied that the feat, of course, was greater, but one can be saved in the world; at the same time, he still blessed me to ask His Eminence again to help arrange a possible tonsure while preserving my pension, saying with conviction: “You cannot part with what is so hard, absolutely rightly and honestly deserved, and I do not advise you to give up what belongs to you according to all the rules and laws. If it is impossible to maintain your pension, then live as you live, and as soon as the farmstead is ready, I will take you to live with me.” I said goodbye to Father, received a blessing and, wishing him good night, went to my room. Our carriage was bouncing so much that it was impossible to lie down or sit; If Father had not been on the train, it seems that I would have fallen ill from fear alone, but now I was at peace, firmly believing that through his prayers nothing would happen; I was only sorry that he, so tired and exhausted, would not have to rest at all. In the morning, Father John, as soon as he got up, sent for me again, and again we talked a lot. He treats me like his own loving father, apparently worried that my life might be particularly difficult for me; again he repeated that one should not part with one’s pension, that secret tonsure could be quite sufficient. Speaking about the Oryol abbess, for whom I asked him for his blessing, he said: “This is who you need to learn from, she is already completely prepared, and her death will be easy and good; ask her to guide you before moving to me.” “I think that my farmstead will eventually become a large monastery,” added Father. So we got to St. Petersburg; Father, saying goodbye, blessed me for my business and return to Moscow, promised to come himself in three weeks, got into the carriage and left; I was met by my friend General Shatilova and taken away to her place. Having spent a whole week in St. Petersburg, I was blessed by the attention of His Eminence and the Minister of War, who treated me very cordially and sympathetically, but both confirmed that there is no law on maintaining a pension after tonsure, so I returned home dissatisfied. The Metropolitan said that in no case would he bless me for my monastic feat, and Alexei Nikolaevich Kuropatkin even expressed it in such a way that he could not allow the thought that I would decide to make such a great mistake - to sacrifice the pension that my husband had brought to me through such labors and such valiant service. So, my trip brought me complete disappointment in my hopes of entering the monastery. Today Father John served at the Lepekhinsky hospital and with some special inspiration and boldness said a word about the importance of communion of the Holy Mysteries; severely condemned those who allow themselves to embark on them without proper preparation, without a firm promise to correct their shortcomings. He said this so strictly that I noticed how some of those who confessed did not approach Communion. After mass, a friend invited me to her place, where I met with Father. After the prayer service, Father John, after talking with the hostess, spoke to me; I told him about my stay in St. Petersburg and that the Metropolitan did not give his blessing to me to enter monasticism. Father John somehow smiled especially, as if he was expecting exactly this decision, and said: “Well, live for now as you live, and get ready,” he gave me the blessing to go to Orel, said goodbye to everyone and left. I had a great trip to Orel, returned yesterday and today went to the Ermolovsky School, where dear Father John 451 celebrated mass. There, Father uttered a wonderful word based on the words of the Gospel of Matthew: whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches people to do so will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven 452. I didn’t understand what the words of this Gospel meant—he will create and teach—and I wanted to ask Father John to explain them to me, when suddenly I received a complete explanation in the sermon he spoke. “The commandments were given to us by God Himself and must be fulfilled without any reasoning; whoever violates or fails to fulfill them, or interprets them in his own way, will be deprived of the Kingdom of Heaven; and whoever himself firmly fulfills it, and also teaches others, will be called great in the Kingdom of God. Although it seems to us that it is difficult to fulfill the commandments, if we checked ourselves, we would notice that when we fulfill the commandments we have peace of mind, and our heart and conscience are calm; when we allow ourselves to philosophize, explaining the commandments and the Gospel in our own way, then our soul, instead of moral satisfaction, is confused, worried and becomes restless; Thus, we are already here on earth suffering because we have deviated from the outlines of God’s will. It is natural for us to fall and sin, but it is also natural for us to rise and repent every time after a fall, and always receive forgiveness from the Merciful Lord. The Lord gave us a mind and a heart; with our minds we can know the truth, and with our hearts we can completely surrender to it. It is in our will not to surrender to the power of sin, but every time, having sinned, to rise again and thereby have power over sin and not fall under its power; To do this, you must constantly be on your guard and have no attachment to anything - neither money, nor fame, nor honors, avoid everything and strictly remember the commandments that were deliberately given on the stone, so that nothing could erase them from a person’s memory. A person should not be discouraged when he has fallen, but must rise up, repent with all his heart, ask the Lord for forgiveness, and the Lord, by His grace, will raise the fallen one and again put him on the path of the commandments. And it’s not difficult at all, you just need to look after yourself, your “I”, your inner life and pay attention to your thoughts.” After mass, dear Father came to the boss, there he blessed me, asked about my trip to Orel and blessed me to fast properly. I showed Father Petrov’s book “The Gospel as the Basis of Life” 453 and said: “I find that it was written in the Lutheran spirit,” and gave him the passages I had underlined to read. Father John looked at them very carefully and said: “You are right, this is a wrong interpretation.” Then he talked with the boss and everyone present, drank a few sips of tea and said goodbye to everyone. Saying goodbye to me, Father John took this book from me to check it thoroughly, blessed me and left. Today dear Father John visited me. I asked Father to pray, since I had developed severe rheumatism; he blessed me, took both my hands and rubbed them firmly, saying confidently: “Calm down, my dear, God is merciful, these pains will pass, and you will not stop using your hands.” I complained to Father John that I was terribly indignant at the student riots 454 and was crying bitterly, that everything in the world had become so bad and I could not understand anything of what was happening; The only thing that made me happy, I said, was the excommunication of Leo Tolstoy from the Church by the Holy Synod 455. Father John said that he, too, rejoiced at this from the bottom of his heart and thanked the Lord with all his heart and added that he had been expecting this for a long time. During the prayer service I prayed earnestly, on my knees all the time, and with tears asked the Lord for healing for me and others. Having blessed the water, he sprinkled my sore hands generously, let everyone venerate the cross and went into the dining room, where he talked to everyone present and caressed them. At my request, Father accepted the cassock from me, saying that he really liked it because of its lightness. Saying goodbye to Father, I bowed at his feet, thanking him for his visit, and kissed his blessing hand with all my heart. The excruciating pain in my hands went away, and I thanked the Lord for His mercy towards me. Today Father served mass in Sokolniki and said the following word: “All those who think that they believe in the Lord are cruelly mistaken, considering Him not the Son of God, incarnate and who came to save us, but an extraordinary man, and they praise His virtues without recognizing Him as Divinity. They will be severely punished and subjected to eternal torment... And as soon as they do not want to understand what terrible torments the Son of God endured for us! Apart from the terrible death on the Cross, how much He suffered internally, tormented for our sins, and how sick in soul He was, seeing such stubbornness and unwillingness to improve! How could He have endured all that He endured if He had been a simple man? What torments the unbelievers are preparing for themselves... Don’t listen to false teachers who for some reason took upon themselves the right to teach; they have already died, especially one self-proclaimed preacher 456. It is painful and difficult to see how much our faith has fallen and so many sects have divorced. I beg you, do not listen to anyone, remain adherents of the Orthodox faith and the Church, founded by the Lord Jesus Christ Himself and spread through the holy apostles. Know and believe that all those who left her will be severely punished by the Just God and will be subjected to such torment, about which no one can have any idea. The soul is immortal, it has eternal life; if she believes, then what bliss, what reward awaits her for a virtuously lived life; if she was mistaken, then what incomparable torment, eternal, from which there is no escape! I beg you, move away from all sects, of which there are so many! Believe in the Son of God Jesus Christ, love the Church, fulfill its commands, and the Lord will reward you..." I struggled through mass: my eye was very sore from a lump of snow that got into it. I took communion, venerated the cross and quickly went home to meet my dear Father John, who promised to visit me. Father John arrived and treated me very sympathetically; when I complained of pain in my eye: “Don’t worry, it’s nothing and will pass,” he said. During the prayer service, I prayed fervently and, having blessed the water, washed my eyes with it and wiped it myself with a towel, repeating: “Don’t be afraid, it’s a small inflammation, everything will go away.” Then he went into my office and talked with me there. I told dear Father that all these strikes, these unrest and dissatisfaction with everything, have simply exhausted me, I find all this abnormal and illegal, that my mood is close to despair and I am so alone in my views and thoughts that I am beginning to wonder if I am going crazy. Father John said to this: “To worry and be indignant at untruths is your cross, and you need to bear it with complete submission to the will of God,” and added in consolation: “Do not think that you are the only one who is so worried, know and believe that there are still people devoted to the Lord who earnestly pray that the Lord will send enlightenment of minds and calm everything that is troubled.” I told Father that His Eminence Metropolitan Anthony also found my view of Priest Petrov’s book correct and said that it was not written in the Orthodox spirit. Father John blessed me to spend the summer with Mother Antonia in Orel and added: “But there is no need to be sad.” Then he went into the dining room, sat down at the table and talked with those present. The conversation turned to Leo Tolstoy. Father said: “What a terrible heresy - Tolstoyism, how much irreparable harm it has already brought and what is saddest of all - he himself is so seduced by the worship of his admirers that there is not even hope that he will ever come to his senses and repent; The Lord will not forgive him and he will not escape eternal torment.” Then Father John added: “But, thank God, there are still defenders of the Orthodox faith who are fighting this false teaching.” While Father was with me, my eye completely went away, and I thanked Father John with all my heart. He said: “Just look, don’t be sad and don’t even think about being discouraged, trust in the will of the Lord,” he lifted me from my knees, blessed me with a full cross and left. Having visited Trinity and getting acquainted with the case that was being offered to me, I decided that I needed to have a good talk with Father and therefore asked him by telegram for his blessing to go and meet him in Klin. Father blessed me, and at the appointed time, in Klin, I boarded the train and entered Father John’s carriage. He greeted me joyfully and said: “Hello, my dear, I’m very glad to see you, how are you? Sit down next to me and let’s talk.” I said that I had been suffering a lot of troubles during this time and had sinned a lot, that I really wanted to confess to Father and partake of the Holy Mysteries. He answered: “If you have prepared well, recognized your guilt and repented, then I will confess you with pleasure.” Immediately he put on the stole and, having laid down the cross and the Gospel, continued: “Do you know what a great thing confession is? Do you see the cross and the Gospel? Remember that you are standing before the face of the Lord Himself, open your whole soul without the slightest concealment, and the Lord, in His immeasurable mercy, will forgive you everything; but you must correct yourself in what you have done wrong, and not return to this sin again.” Then Father John put his hand on my shoulder and asked me various questions, spoke to me so kindly and kindly that I poured out my whole soul to him; He said: “All your sins are forgiven you,” he covered him with the stole with the words: “I, an unworthy priest, authorize the authority given to me by the Lord,” and allowed him to venerate the cross and the Gospel. Then he sat me down next to him and began to continue the conversation. “How sorry I am that you endure such grief; but what to do - this is your cross, you must bear it calmly and try to check yourself more often and repent... Do you pray? And are you praying well?” - said Father John. I answered that the Lord sends me prayerful moods and tears of repentance and gratitude almost every day. Father just beamed; it was clear that he was now internally thanking the Lord for me. I gave Father a letter and asked him to pray for my nephew. Father John read the letter and said: “Okay, I’ll pray, and you go out for a minute and let me pray,” he blessed me and kissed me on the head; I came out completely reassured, satisfied and happy that I saw Father so wonderful and merciful. A little later, Father John’s psalm-reader came out and, closing the door of Father’s compartment, invited me to watch Father pray; I saw how Father John, standing in front of the window and raising his eyes to heaven, prayed with tears, internally, without words, and I felt with my whole being that he was praying for me and for Vasya; I felt so good that I wished that his prayer would not stop, and I would like to die with this blissful feeling... Father finished the prayer, turned around and, noticing me, affectionately again invited me to sit with him and asked when I would go to Oryol. I answered that if he gave his blessing, I would go tomorrow; then she asked how he would order me to spend the summer as before, or should I follow some monastic rules? Father John said: “No, live as before, look closely, look closely, but do not impose anything on yourself.” To my question whether he blesses me to accept the guardianship offered to me by the Trinity, Father John avoided a direct answer and said: “Now spend the summer with your mother, and then we’ll see; I’m afraid that you won’t be able to stand it, you’ll get down to business too zealously - well, we’ll see.” Approaching Moscow, Father blessed me, saying that he was going to serve mass for the blind, and asked me to take with me one person who accompanied him to Moscow; I fulfilled this request with pleasure and found in my unexpected companion an equally sincere admirer of Father. Before communion, Father John said a short word in which he also touched upon Tolstoy; he said that Tolstoy should be considered a heretic, for whom one should not pray, since he will never come to his senses anyway, and one can think that he will suffer a terrible and cruel death, the likes of which no one has ever seen... I received Holy Communion from Father and, when I kissed the cross, I received congratulations from him on receiving the Holy Mysteries; then she escorted Father to the station, he got into the carriage and said goodbye: “So you’re going to Oryol tomorrow! God bless your trip, you will stay there until August,” he blessed me and left. I spent the whole summer in Orel, acquired a lot of useful things there for my self-correction, and returned safely by August 1st. Today, with the blessing of Father, I went to meet him in Klin and on the way told him everything that I had learned from observing monastic life; she said that she found little spirituality there, that the nuns were absorbed in worries about their daily bread, mother herself was always in a bustle about buildings and repairs; there are no real elders with whom one could consult spiritually. Father John confirmed this and said: “It is true that in today’s monasteries spirituality is disappearing, which is extremely sad, but monasteries are still needed.” To my question: “Is it really true that Mother Antonia, who labored for more than fifty years, because she must indulge in this vanity, will not receive due reward for all her labors and exploits?” - Father John answered: “Oh no, the Lord is merciful, and He will consider all this, and for the present He will forgive with one sincere repentance - remember the robber who did nothing good, but only thanks to sincere repentance got into heaven 457 - Mother Antonia has a lot of humility, and you know what a great virtue this is! - and suddenly added: “But you could be a good abbess...” In response to my statement that I did not want this at all, since abbess is associated with a terrible responsibility, not only for oneself, but for all the sisters before the Last Judgment, Father said: “Every sinner will answer for himself, and the abbess will have to answer for all sorts of omissions, for what she did not see through, could have eliminated and did not eliminate”; I noticed: “But, perhaps, if I were in my mother’s place, I would probably also want to improve the well-being of the monastery not only spiritually, but also financially.” Father John smiled and said cheerfully: “It may very well be that this will happen,” and began to pray internally. Confessing me, Father said these words so heartily: “All your sins are forgiven you,” that I felt somehow unusually at ease and some special, happy feeling enveloped me all over. Then, sitting me down next to him, Father John said to me: “Judging the actions of others is a great sin, since it is hidden from us what is in a person, what his spirit is! Only the Lord can judge, and with our judgment we seem to burst into the realm of God and, of course, by this we anger and offend the Lord; We most need to judge ourselves, look into our misdeeds, analyze and check our thoughts, and all others will give an account to the Lord for themselves...” I told Father that I was trying to catch my thoughts, to which he replied: “And you do great - the outer and inner in a person can be completely different.” I asked if those who seem to be completely pious, pray fervently, always have the name of the Lord on their lips, and do all their deeds according to their own will, are on the right path? And she received the answer: “Whoever does not obey is not who he says he is, and he is not pleasing to the Lord. Obedience is the first thing one must have when embarking on the path of correction”; then he added: “I see for myself how the commandment of the Lord is fulfilled—the hand of the giver does not fail—here, I had just given twenty-five rubles to the poor man, when the Lord sent twenty again.” At this time, the train stopped at the dacha platform and people began to approach Father for a blessing; some merchant, running to the window, shouted: “Oh, dear Father, hello, bless me for God’s sake, I’m going to Barnabas 458,” Father John blessed and kissed him, and he gave him two gold pieces, and no matter how Father refused, the merchant with tears begged him to take it, saying: “For Christ’s sake, take it, because you will now find their proper use.” I again asked whether Father would order me to take the offered place at Trinity or not, and added that for me everything was in his blessing - as he ordered, so be it. He listened to me and said with a kind smile: “They perfectly understood who they would get in you, their choice is really good; but still I’ll tell you, live the way you live, you can make a good abbess.” “Is it possible,” I asked, “to continue our friendly acquaintance with those who have become ardent followers of Tolstoy?” Father John responded like this: “The Epistle of the Apostle John says: If anyone comes to you and does not abide in the teachings of Christ and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your home and do not welcome him. For the one who greets him participates in his evil deeds 459 - and I think it is better not to have any relations with people who openly declare themselves Tolstoyans or some other apostates of Christ, and not to communicate with them at all - and added: “You, thank God, understand the words of the Lord well and stand in your path, remember the words of Jesus Christ: My yoke is easy and My burden is light 460.” I answered: “And it is truly easy and pleasant”; Father looked at me joyfully and kissed my head. Then suddenly his face darkened with sadness, and he said: “There are so many apostates of Christ in the highest intelligent society, what a pity that they are perishing.” - “But really the Lord will not bring them to their senses?” – I asked. “The Lord tries to reason, does everything to attract them to Himself, but, as you see, they don’t listen...” objected Father John. At this time we approached Moscow; Father blessed me and went to serve mass in the Iverskaya community. Father John, as always, served with great reverence and said a word in which he again touched upon Tolstoy; he said that Tolstoy himself excommunicated himself from the Church, and therefore his anger towards the Holy Synod is very surprising. His delusions are so great that he can be compared to Judas the traitor: he betrayed the Lord because of the love of money, and the count betrays the Lord because of pride, wanting to gain general, worldwide popularity. Father John asked everyone to avoid Tolstoy’s teachings as the most terrible ulcer, leading to inevitable death and eternal torment; urged not to believe that any teachings could destroy the Orthodox Church and Christianity. “As the Savior said that the gates of hell will not prevail against her, 461 so it will be, but only those who go against Christian teaching and want to destroy the Church will themselves perish and be subjected to eternal torment...” - Father John finished his word. When Father was leaving, some spoiled woman was brought to him; he, touching her head, ordered her to cross herself and said: “In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit”; she carried it out without question. Then he put his hands on her head, blessed her and said: “Don’t worry, God is merciful, and you will be healthy.” Then he said goodbye to everyone who saw us off, blessed us and went into the carriage. I returned home and found a guest, Colonel S., who deliberately stayed waiting for me to tell me about the miracle that dear Father performed when he was at the consecration of the Suvorov Church in the village of Konchanskoye on August 29 462 . He said the following. During lunch in the building of the Suvorov school, two peasants brought in a completely unconscious woman, broken by paralysis; behind them were two women who threw themselves at the feet of Father John and began to scream: “Save me, Father!” Father John quickly got up from the table and asked what was wrong with the patient; those who came explained that this was their relative, who had been lying motionless for the seventh year. Having learned her name, Father said: “Look at me, Avdotya!” Her relatives explained that she had not opened her eyes for three years, but Father repeated his order several more times, and the patient opened her eyes. “Cross yourself,” said Father; the patient's hand moved, but she could cross herself only after the third order. “Hold me,” he ordered; and, too, after several repetitions of the order, the sick woman wrapped her arm around Father’s neck and hung on him. He began to stroke her head, saying a quiet prayer, and then ordered her to stand up: the sick woman straightened up, the peasants wanted to support her, but Father ordered them to leave her. The half-dead woman, brought half an hour ago, stood in front of Father John. He told her: “Go and pray,” and the patient slowly, with uneven steps, left the room without outside help. Having told this, my acquaintance turned to me with the following words: “This incident had a stunning effect on all those present, and I, knowing how you revere Father John, deliberately waited for you to inform you that from now on I am becoming his admirer.” During this month, Father came to Moscow four times, visited me twice, served prayer services both times, and was kind and affectionate to me. He also treated my nephew kindly, washed his eyes with holy water and gave him good advice on how to live in order to become a good man and an honest, serviceable warrior (my nephew’s eyes hurt so much that I feared he would completely lose his sight, but after Father John’s prayers the pain went away completely and his vision remained until the end of his life). Since my nephew turned out to be a failure in life, this gave me a lot of worries. I asked Father John to pray to the Lord for the correction of my nephew, so that he would stop drinking, playing cards and getting into debt. Father promised to pray and said that it is difficult to advise anything here, and all hope is only in the Lord; He advised me not to suffer with him, to leave him at school, and to go to Oryol for a while to stay with Mother Antonia (she sent Father John a letter in which she asked him to bless me to live with her in Oryol). Father was greatly indignant at Stakhovich’s speech on freedom of conscience, which he delivered at the Oryol missionary congress 463. Father said that only an anarchist can demand freedom of conscience or will, for this means demanding complete licentiousness. Today at mass he said a word, all directed against Stakhovich’s speech; he said this: “A pure good conscience finds its satisfaction in doing good, in complete obedience to authorities, superiors, parents and mentors, but an evil one does not want to know anyone. Tolstoy preaches complete disobedience to the authorities and the Church. Meanwhile, the Church is our salvation, in it we draw strength to fight misfortune and sorrows, we receive patience, and we learn submission to the will of the Lord. Where can I find solace? And when they don’t find him, they turn to their evil will, and they do whatever it orders - either they kill others, or they take their own lives... So, my friends, beware of these people, Tolstoy and many others, do not listen to their speeches, but love the Church, fulfill the commandments and all the plans of the Church and prepare for the Kingdom of Heaven and eternal bliss. Don’t forget the Lord, and the Lord will not forget you.” Today Father again advised me to live in the Oryol monastery with Mother Antonia, said that he blesses me for this, and promised to call me to his yard as soon as it is ready. I heartily thanked Father John for his decision to take me in and said goodbye to him. With the blessing of my dear father, Ioanna went to Klin to have a good talk with him about whether he would bless me to become a monk now. Father greeted me very kindly, sat me down next to him and asked what I would say. “Don’t you sympathize with my desire to join the ranks of the monastics?” – I answered with a question. Father said: “Oh no, I completely sympathize, but there’s no need to rush.” - “Do you also think that you can be better saved in a monastery?” – I asked. “Without a doubt,” answered Father John, “and for you it is also better because you have been preparing for a long time and for you there is nothing attractive in the world, and therefore there is no point in pitying it. And I bless you to cut your hair, but not now. Now I advise you to do this: come to St. Petersburg on December 7 and take a good look at my entire courtyard, stop at my courtyard or at Leushinsky, I’ll arrange it somehow; On December 17, I am thinking of consecrating a small church 464. Then go to Orel for the summer, and wait until you get your hair cut; get ready for this... Today, take communion with me if you are prepared.” I said that I really wanted to take communion and prepared for it. Then Father confessed me, gave proper advice after confession and continued to talk with me. “How people understand everything in their own way,” he said, “and they change everything: my advice and permission to join more often made it so that now I often have to refuse this, because many decided to join almost every day. I find that this is not possible. We, the clergy, commune; we could not serve otherwise. It’s becoming terribly difficult to live, somehow everyone’s concepts have become distorted, it’s clear from everything that the last times are coming - we must prepare for the transition there...” said Father John. Then he asked how much I read sacred books. I answered that I read constantly, try to learn from them, write out everything that particularly touches me, and generally feel good when I sit alone at home. “You realized that the whole world lies in a person and all satisfaction is in oneself, and not in the external world...” Father told me. “I believe in your prayer so much, dear Father, that when I pray for you, sometimes I feel that you are praying for me, and then my soul is especially joyful.” He agreed with this: “Yes, it often happens that when one prays, it is transmitted to another - either in a dream or in a feeling.” Then the conversation turned again to the monastery; Father said that it would be easier and more convenient to be saved there; you just need to fulfill all obediences with pleasure and willingly. “And what benefit can be brought by managing the monastery well and instructing the nuns...” he added. When I started talking about the enormous responsibility of managing the monastery, Father John objected: “Nothing is difficult with firm faith, the grace of the Lord will support and strengthen.” The train arrived at the station; Father blessed me to accompany him to St. Petersburg on his next visit and went to serve in the Lyceum church. In this church I received Holy Communion and listened to Father John’s word on the Gospel about the Lord’s conversation with the Samaritan woman 465. Father John, speaking about the Lord’s promise to give living water, denounced the latest books and newspapers, saying that they undermine the minds of young men and adults; urged everyone to think not only about reading secular books, but also spiritual ones, since without spiritual food it is impossible to live in the world without dying or turning into an animal, he asked everyone to read the Gospel more often. After the service, Father visited my confessor, Father Nikolai, prayed for everyone present and stayed there for a while. Father Nikolai expressed regret that there are fewer people fighting for the Church. Father confirmed this and said: “It’s true, and this is terribly sad; and what’s even more offensive: everyone seems to have gone stupid, some kind of stupidity has set in.” Then, as usual, he consoled everyone, blessed them and left. Father John arrived today, precisely on the day he appointed for my departure to St. Petersburg for the consecration of the church at the Sursky metochion. Father served Mass in the Nikitsky Monastery; said a small word about the fact that the Church and the gates of hell will not prevail 466, and about the importance of the Sacrament of Holy Communion. “How can one doubt the truth of the teachings of Christ and the power of the meaning of His Holy Sacraments? - said Father John. “I think that everyone who participates feels as if they are in heaven.” I received communion and received a blessing from Father in the chambers of the abbess, to whom he came from mass. Having greeted me, Father John said: “If you are planning to go today to the consecration of my church, then let’s go with me.” I was delighted and thanked Father from the bottom of my heart. I managed to get a seat in the same carriage with him, and I settled in perfectly there in a compartment with one lady. As soon as the train started, Father sent his psalm-reader for me and, although he looked very tired, he was still in a great mood, greeted me kindly and asked: “Well, how have you settled?” I answered that they don’t know me in the Leushinsky courtyard and it’s unlikely that there will be a place there. Then he said: “Yes, it’s best to go straight to my yard”; I did not pay attention to the psalm-reader’s statement that it was not yet ready and damp and stubbornly stood his ground to stop there and live until he consecrated the church. I said goodbye to Father, he blessed me and wished me good night. Our carriage shook desperately during the entire journey, and my neighbor was very afraid that an accident would happen; I, too, was tormented by this shaking - it was impossible to sit or lie down, but I was calm, being sure that nothing would happen with Father. So we spent the whole night without sleeping a wink. At seven o'clock in the morning the psalm-reader called me to Father John, who received me even more cordially than the day before, wrote a note to the Leushinsky courtyard to receive me there, and talked with me about the benefits of monasteries; He especially praised the monasteries of the western region, said that he helps them a lot, especially Teolinsky 467, to whom he has already given more than twenty thousand rubles, said that they are in great need, and at the same time called the nuns of these monasteries angels in the flesh. Then he spoke about the difficult situation in which our society now finds itself, abandoning faith and worshiping only its own powers. Father especially regretted the decline of faith in the clergy itself and referred to the words of Chrysostom that not many of the priests would be saved; expressed great surprise how people can deny the Sacrament of Communion, how they themselves do not experience the presence of grace every time they receive communion worthily? Then, at my request, he explained to me the Gospel of Luke (chapter 16) about the unfaithful steward, who, having been removed from office for improper management of property, reduced the debt of all his master’s debtors, and the Lord said to this that the sons of this age are wiser than the sons of light 468. Father John explained that the Lord does not at all approve of wrongful gain, but with this parable he shows that it is wiser to use wrongly acquired wealth for good deeds, rather than hoard it or hide it, and not use it yourself, and not give it to others; said that such persons, by giving wisely, still acquire prayers for themselves and in this still life they receive some satisfaction, and in the future, although small, they will receive for the prayers of those whom they helped. And he added: “The Lord will forgive everything, just repent sincerely. Even if Leo Tolstoy repents now, the Lord will forgive him too; but you can’t expect this from him, he won’t repent, his pride will get in the way.” Father expressed regret that most of today's writers, describing in their works everything that is contrary to faith and religion, in this occupation themselves reach the point where they lose faith, and think of themselves so much that they do not consider anyone higher than themselves, and pointed out, as an example, S., who had not been to confession for 20 years. “It’s the unfortunate ones who destroy themselves and lead others to hell...” he added. To my question, what awaits those who, due to lack of mental development, do not understand where the truth is and sin, Father John answered: “The Lord has put a heart and conscience in everyone, and therefore everyone who sins is responsible before the Lord.” They started talking about the Oryol leader of the nobility Stakhovich regarding his speech on freedom of conscience, and I said that a rumor had spread in Oryol that you, Father, praised this speech. Father John became agitated and said: “It seems that I blame Stakhovich everywhere and my sermons are published, how can they tell such lies?” I remarked to this: “Now elections are coming up, he is afraid of being voted out; Most of the small nobles, sitting in the village, did not hear his speech and, having learned that it was approved by you, they will believe that it is good and will be on Stakhovich’s side.” Father agreed with my opinion and said: “It’s really amazing how my name attracts people: no matter how hard I try to hide, they will check on me everywhere, and everywhere I’m surrounded. I am pleased that I can be useful, and I don’t know how to thank the Lord that He helps me satisfy the various needs of people.” I asked: “Do you yourself want to live? Aren't you tired of life? Father answered: “Oh yes! I want to live seeing myself constantly surrounded; I realize that they need me, and this makes me love life.” So we got to St. Petersburg. Father John told me to come to his courtyard at 12 o'clock, promised to come there himself, blessed me, and we said goodbye for now. I drove to the Leushinsky courtyard; there they told me that they didn’t have premises, but, thanks to Father’s note, they placed me in the reception hall, gave me a nun, who went with me to the Sursky metochion. Since I didn’t think to ask Father for a note here, they didn’t let me in for a long time, forcing me to stand at the gate until my nun told them about me, about my note from Father John and that he himself would come here at 12 o’clock. Then the abbess came out to me through the gate; The dean also came out with her, already respectable and completely simple; After talking to me on the street, they sent me to a nun, who took me to see the church and other buildings; here we met the abbess, and she invited us into her dining room, but as soon as we entered, she left and left me alone. I somehow immediately felt that I was an unwanted guest here, and it became very difficult for me. So I sat alone almost until Father’s arrival. Five minutes before him, the abbess came and began asking about my life, but we didn’t have to talk much - a bell was brought, several admirers of Father John gathered, then he himself arrived, without entering the chambers, and went to inspect the building; then, entering the dining room and seeing me, he greeted me affectionately and introduced me to the abbess, saying: “Mother Angelina, I recommend you E.V. D., this is my old friend and a most wonderful person,” he wanted to say something else, but he was called back to the sacristy. As soon as he returned, he immediately sat me down next to him, poured a glass of tea and, handing it to me, said: “You haven’t eaten anything yet, drink it for your health,” and just wanted to drink tea himself, when he was distracted, everyone came with different questions regarding the consecration of the church... Suddenly he turned to me: “Well, do you like it, E.V.?” I couldn’t answer anything, this question was so unexpected for me, and I just asked: “Where do you bless me to be? There’s no room in Leushinsky, but here, they say, it’s damp.” Father John heatedly objected: “What nonsense, what is damp? Heat it well and it will be dry! Place yourself here and live...” But, probably, dissatisfaction was reflected on my face, and he suddenly added: “However, you have your own will, do as you like!” I hastened to answer: “After all, you, dear Father, have long known that I do not have my own will, and I don’t want to have it, let everything be as you order.” Father liked my answer, and he again very affectionately said: “Well, stay here, help them with their work, that’s something to do, otherwise it’s boring without anything to do.” At this time, some priest who came from Siberia, infected, as it turned out, by Tolstoy’s teachings approached him, and begged Father to talk to him; he said that he visited many monasteries and nowhere could he find satisfaction for his restless soul. Father John asked what was wrong with him and what he was looking for, and, hearing that he had lost his faith, he took him into another room and talked with him there for quite a long time. When Father left, Mother Angelina invited me to her table and then offered to stay with the nun to whom I was taken earlier. All this time I stayed at the Sursky metochion, looked closely, talked a lot with my nun and heard that she was not satisfied with the monastic life, although she had been living here for nine years. I also heard complaints about how difficult it is to manage a monastery when pharisaism, flattery, lies and even denunciations reign; all this confirmed my view, and the more I looked, the stronger the feeling of dislike for monastic life grew in me. Father John came every day and was always very kind and attentive to me. All day long various benefactors came and made various donations - a lot of sets, samovars, canvas, excellent vestments. My husband’s nephew visited me and was very happy that he was able to see Father and receive a blessing; He was especially touched by the attention with which Father treated me. Since the room, and everywhere else, was still quite damp, my rheumatism made itself known to me - my arms and legs ached greatly, and I was already afraid that I might not be able to attend the consecration. Yesterday, dear Father John arrived at about three o’clock and, meeting me, looked at me carefully and asked about my health; I complained that I couldn’t sleep all night because of the pain. Father was extremely sympathetic to my grief and rubbed my hands tightly. Then he walked into a newly built and beautifully furnished office by some donor and called me, saying: “Look how good it is here!” - but seeing that I was sick, he patted me on the shoulder, rubbed my hands again and, to console me, gave me the prosphora on which he himself served; I was very happy about this, because I had long wanted to receive prosphora from him, but he never gave it to me, today I was thinking about asking him about it myself, and suddenly he guessed my desire. I kissed his hand and said that he had fulfilled my long-standing desire and guessed my thought. Then Father went somewhere, so they began to serve the all-night vigil without him; he returned at 7 o'clock and read the Gospel himself with special feeling and enthusiasm. At the end of the all-night vigil, which turned out to be very solemn, there was a crowd of people and there was a fair amount of crush. I, thank God, stood through the entire all-night vigil and venerated the Gospel. Through the prayers of Father John, my pain subsided and did not interfere with my prayer. At the end of the service, Father went to the abbess’s room; there he was met by many people, and visitors from Moscow brought him white roses. They somehow pushed me so that I found myself near Father and I had to sit down at the table next to him; I was afraid that I might find myself in the wrong place, and I asked Father about this with my eyes. In response, he poured me a glass of sherry and, handing it to me first, said: “On you, my dear old friend, drink to your health,” and with this, as the owner, he confirmed me in my place; then he served the wine to all the clergy, he himself drank a little tea from a glass and handed it to me; He treated everyone, said goodbye and went to his office, where he spent the night. As he was leaving, he called me over, blessed me, and wished me good night, holding his hands on my head. I don’t know what happened to me, only when I returned to my room, I burst into tears, my soul was overcome by some feeling that I myself cannot explain to myself, only it was not joyful... Today I didn’t sleep all night from pain in my arm and at seven o’clock I went with Mother Angelina to Father John’s office, but, afraid to enter, I stopped at the door; Father saw and came up to me, greeted me, expressed great regret that my hand hurt, and said: “Let me fly”; He patted and rubbed his hands, asked how I spent the night, and upon learning that I had not slept at all, he apparently became sad and said: “This is not good at all.” Then he rode a little with the abbess, returned to the end of the blessing of water, and the service began. Father said a word addressed to the nuns about how they should always thank the Lord that they have already established a church, how they should serve Him, avoid pharisaism and all lies and untruths, be lenient towards each other, love everyone and try to please everyone. Then he turned to the architect, expressed his gratitude to him for having built the church and monastery 469 so quickly, and, finally, deep gratitude to the donors. He gave communion to everyone who wished, and he himself allowed everyone to venerate the cross. The service was performed very solemnly. When Father John came from church, I went up to him, bowed at his feet and thanked him for the happiness he had given me to be at the consecration; he raised me up, saying that he was very pleased with my presence at such a joyful event, and blessed me, at my request, on the return journey to Moscow. Then he went to the refectory, where lunch was prepared for 150 people. Here he was met by the abbess and the monastery priest, Father Vladimir 470, who brought him an icon from the monastery, and the latter made a speech, but a very pompous one, in which there was a lack of sincerity and smacked of falsehood. They showed me a place opposite Father John. Dear Father blessed the meal, poured himself some wine into a glass, suddenly stood up and poured half of it into my glass, saying: “To your health, dear E.V.”, and at the same time rewarded me with such a tender, wonderful look. Sitting next to him, Archpriest Philosopher Nikolayevich Ornatsky 471 said a very heartfelt, sincere word to Father John that even now miracles continue, as evidenced by such an unexpected and such rapid appearance, through Father’s prayers, in a vacant lot of such a wonderful building as this courtyard and church. Father treated everyone to wine, treated everyone to fruits, and himself gave them out - to someone an orange, to someone an apple, to someone a branch of grapes; then, thanking all the donors and participants in the meal, he went home. Having changed his clothes, he asked for tea and, seeing me, called me over and said: “Well, thank God, at the very beginning you prayed with us” - and, hugging me at the same time, very sympathetically asked how I was feeling now. I answered that, thank God, I stood through all the services, but my arms and legs hurt. He looked at me intently and said: “And you look, thank God, well, you look absolutely good.” I answered this: “Dear Father, I live only by your prayers, and I myself am surprised how I survived everything today.” Father John joyfully said: “The Lord is merciful to me not because of my merits,” he said, placing his hand on my shoulder. Having learned that I was going to leave home, Father blessed me on my way, said goodbye and left. After Father’s departure, I returned to my place with a soul overflowing with gratitude to him for all the kindness and attention to me, who did nothing to deserve it; I went to Mother Angelina, thanked her for her hospitality and began to say goodbye, but she persuaded me to stay until the 19th and take communion with Father, who would come and celebrate mass. I prepared for the Holy Sacrament and confessed. Father John arrived and celebrated mass; although there was a big crush, I, thank God, managed to join. Father said a word about with what fear and what deep faith one should approach Holy Communion, and how terribly sinful is the one who decides to approach it without preparing. He spoke with special boldness and pointed to Leo Tolstoy that he was excommunicated from the Church for not recognizing this Sacrament and that all Tolstoy’s followers who do not believe that in every particle of the Holy Mysteries the Lord Himself is present and through Communion enters and inhabits a person, which is why grace descends upon him, will also be excommunicated by the Lord; but it descends only when one approaches this Sacrament with childlike purity and firm faith. At the end of the service, I went to the abbess and there I talked with one very nice nun, from whom I heard that everyone who wants to enter monasticism is always subject to great temptations and everything seems to them in a bad way, because the enemy is trying with all his might to turn them away from this path. Father John greeted me kindly and congratulated me on receiving the Holy Mysteries. I followed him into his office, asking Mother Angelina for permission to talk to Father. I bowed at his feet and thanked him with tears for all his attention to me, but I could not resist and expressed that it was unbearably painful for me to see that he was surrounded by such unsympathetic people... “And you, dear Father, work without knowing either rest or peace - my whole soul ached, looking at you...” I added. He lifted me from my knees, kissed me on the head and said: “It’s in vain that you feel sorry for me - they don’t torment me, they all want to be saved and all in their own way, as best they can, serve the Lord; I accept everyone who wants to enter the monastery, I cannot interfere with them in this - I must do my best to help save them all...” Then he kissed me on the head again and blessed me. I didn’t have the courage to tell him that I had changed my mind about entering the monastery; but, by my expression, Father must have guessed this, because in the refectory during lunch, having seated me again opposite him, he suddenly turned to me with the words: “And you, E.V., now you no longer need wine!” - and looking at me in a special way, he added: “Well, yes, by the way, have a drink,” and handed them glasses... He didn’t eat anything, he only said a few words to the architect, but he was thinking all the time, then he walked through the cells and began to say goodbye. I again thanked Father for everything and kissed his hand; he stroked my head, said goodbye affectionately and blessed me to go on my way. I returned to my place, thanked the nun who had sheltered me, went to bed, went to the abbess to say goodbye and thank her for her shelter, got ready and left for the station with the firm intention of leaving the thought of the monastery. I got to Moscow, and I liked everything so much at home, I felt so cheerful and good in my soul that I firmly decided to give up all thoughts not only about the monastery, but even about leaving anywhere from Moscow; The only thing that bothered me was that I didn’t ask Father for his blessing. Having learned that he was coming tomorrow, I decided not to see him, but the Lord judged otherwise... Quite unexpectedly, my sick friend, who had almost never visited me due to illness, suddenly came to me with a persistent request to come to her tomorrow to pray together at the service of Father John, and did not leave me until she took her word that I would come; They immediately brought me an invitation to Father’s mass. I saw in this the will of God for me to see Father. And thank God, despite my ill health, I perfectly defended mass and visited my friend in the evening. As soon as I saw Father John’s carriage, I ran out into the yard to meet him; he greeted me joyfully and asked with sympathy why I kept getting sick. I bowed at his feet and said: “Dear Father, you will forgive me and heal me...” He picked me up, blessed me and told me that Mother Antonia was writing to him and complaining about her illness, and also about me, that I had forgotten her and had not been going to see her for a long time. He greeted the hostess, congratulated her on the holiday and spoke to me again. I said that I was still ill and that today I only went out for the first time and attended mass. “Were you at mass, why didn’t I see you?” - he asked affectionately, but noticing that his attention to me aroused envy in others, he immediately added: “However, when I serve and give communion, I never see anyone...” - and began to talk about his compound, about the church, how it serves as a consolation for the sisters. Then, turning to me, he said: “And Mother Antonia, apparently, is approaching the end... but she does an excellent job in not leaving the abbess; she has earned herself a reward in heaven in the Kingdom of Heaven.” Then, looking intently at me, he suddenly asked: “Do you, E.V., often read the Gospel? Do you remember that place where it is said that whoever, having grabbed his face and turns back, is not reliable for the Kingdom of Heaven 472? So what, now you don’t want to go to the Kingdom of Heaven?” I got terribly excited and objected: “Why don’t I want to? - Want!" - “Ah, ah! If you want, here’s my blessing and advice for you: sell and give away everything you need and go to the Oryol monastery to stay with Mother Antonia, the grace of the Lord will support you...” I said that I’ve seen enough of Mother A. - she, like a squirrel in a wheel, never has rest, so I somehow feel terrified and afraid - what if I can’t stand the monastic life? Father, looking at me with fatherly joy, said: “The Lord will support you, but I bless you and will pray, sell and leave.” - “I’m amazed, looking at you, dear Father, how you never give yourself a minute of rest, miracles happen to you!” – I expressed my surprise. To this he said: “What is the Lord for? He gives strength." Then he got up, said goodbye to everyone and left. Absolutely everyone was amazed at Father’s order to change my life; but the most surprising thing is that I don’t feel at all upset that all my plans for life in Moscow have been ruined - on the contrary, my soul has become good and joyful; I felt quite happy, returned home and immediately wrote an advertisement about the sale. With Father’s blessing, I quickly sold everything out and today I received it in Moscow for the last time. Today Father John served in the Iveron community of sisters of mercy, after which, at my request, he visited the sick woman, the mother of my student’s wife, and greatly encouraged and consoled her. “Believe, and the Lord will heal you, and you will still live...” he told her (indeed, it was so - after a few days she recovered, but was already sentenced to death). When Father arrived and walked towards me, I bowed to him, thanked him for the fact that, through his prayers, I had arranged my affairs so quickly, asked for his blessing to leave and begged him, as my dear spiritual father and leader, to give me some instructions or orders. Father John replied: “I joyfully bless you on your departure, and let the abbess give you orders and instructions; I will only say one thing: more patience, humility and condescension towards the weaknesses of others; watch yourself strictly so as not to have attachments to anything worldly, pray well and go to services without fail, look and watch carefully yourself, your inner world, and try to catch your thoughts and correct yourself.” Then he asked for papers and wrote a letter to Mother Antonia, which he read to me: first he thanked her for her attention and trust in him, and then the following words about me: “E.V. willingly goes to your monastery, to a quiet refuge, where she hopes to find satisfaction for her soul, confused by the bustle of life. Accept this meek, kind dove and console her. I bow to you and the sisters of the monastery.” He wanted to write something else, but they began to remind him that it was time to go to others. I thanked Father with all my heart, and he, kissing me on the head, began to serve a prayer service, praying all the time on his knees with tears, asking the Lord to bless me for a new life and path. He prayed for everyone present, asking them to send them consolation and reassurance; caressed the very sick old woman, patted her sore back and, putting his hand on her head, said to her: “God is merciful, believe, hope and you will get better.” Then he blessed me with the full cross and with some joy ordered me to bow to Mother Antonia. I asked you to accept the folding from me. Father admired the wonderful artistic work, kissed the icons, thanked me, kissed me on the head and left. I felt completely happy. I missed him terribly, having not seen Father for so long, and therefore I asked him by telegram for his blessing to go to Klin when he went to Moscow, and, having received his consent, I left. When the train arrived, I was met by the psalm-reader, Father John, and led me into his carriage. Father greeted me joyfully, shared Christ with me and asked if I was satisfied with my present life. I answered that I was happy with everything, but it was just very difficult that I had to see Father so rarely. He thought about it, but said nothing to this. I told about the solemn meeting that Mother Antonia gave me thanks to Father John’s letter, for which she sincerely thanks Father. Father was very pleased that his letter was so received and that I was given such attention, and asked: “What is this monastery - a cenobitic one?” After learning that they weren't, he noticed that he was more sympathetic to the dorms. When I said: “All the nuns tell me that you can’t get tonsured without money,” he graciously said: “The Lord arranges everything Himself and will arrange everything in due time; Mother won’t live long, then the Lord will arrange it as needed.” Having confessed me and absolved me of my sins, Father sat me down next to him and asked if my health had improved. I thanked him for praying for me and my sick mother through my telegram, comforting us with his heartfelt answer, healing and encouraging us; then she added: “And now my health is not good again, everything often hurts.” He looked at me carefully and said: “Be patient, God is merciful.” Then various people began to visit Father John, coming up for blessings and advice, so that I no longer had to talk to him. We arrived in Moscow, and I headed to the Lyceum Church, where Father served today. There he uttered a word with approximately the same content. “Every person, before engaging in instructing others, must study himself thoroughly, know and test his heart in order to be able to serve as an example for others, and only such a person has the right to receive reward for his labors, that is, to make his flock as pure as he is, this is the explanation of the Gospel words - the worker is worthy of reward 473.” Allowing me to venerate the cross, Father congratulated me on receiving the Holy Mysteries. Then, accompanying him to the station, I witnessed how Father John cast out a demon from one woman, this made such a strong impression on me that even now I cannot forget it. This demoniac looked terrible; she screamed furiously, rushed at Father with her fists, grabbed him by the throat (I was shaking as if in a fever, afraid that she would strangle him). He stood rooted to the spot, not a single vein trembled on his face. I was amazed at this calmness and how deeply he believed that the demon should listen to him. She climbs with her fists, and he strokes her on the head, kisses her on the head and only repeats: “In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I command you - get out of Elizabeth and don’t you dare disturb her.” Her eyes rolled out, became bloodshot, her hands were twisted, they became like the claws of a bird of prey, she was scary to look at, and he still repeats the same words with the same calm: “Get out of her.” Finally she screamed even more horribly: “Look, bug-eyed, what did you want, I’ve been living in it for 7 years, I won’t leave! There’s no way I’m leaving!” Father John told her to cross herself, and she screams at the top of her lungs that her name is “young Ivan.” Father said to this: “Ivan is a Christian name, but tell me, what is your demon’s name?” She began to rage even worse and attack him with her fists. Father sternly said again: “In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I command you to get out of her.” Little by little she began to subside and finally, by order of Father John, she crossed herself. "What's your name?" – he asked. She answered: “Beelzebub,” and began to fall, saying, “I am dying.” Here Father confidently said: “You won’t die, Elizabeth, but you will be free from him,” and added sternly: “Get out of her and don’t dare touch her again.” He ordered her to cross herself a second time, which she willingly did. Then he blessed her and kissed her on the head; she was completely transformed, her face became calm, good, her eyes became completely normal, healthy and kind; She threw herself at Father’s feet, began hugging and kissing them and in every possible way expressing her deep gratitude to Father John for the healing. He blessed everyone who was there and entered the carriage, from there he blessed me again and wished me a happy return to Oryol. I returned deeply impressed by everything I saw. I received a notification from Moscow that Father would be there on that date, and since I missed him very much, having not seen him for a long time, I went to Moscow, prayed at his service, took communion, and then met Father in one house and talked with him. My statement that both Mother Antonia and His Grace Irenaeus expressed a desire for me to enter the monastery, Father listened very joyfully and said: “So what? After all, this is how it should be, the Lord will help you; you, E.V., need to work hard, otherwise you won’t get to where I would like you to go.” He kissed me, allowed me not to do anything for now, gave a blessing to my mother and sisters and said: “Farewell and return with God to Oryol.” Then he put a lot of sugar into the glass, added more jam and, stirring well, drank a sip; then he poured it into a saucer and, smiling joyfully, handed it to me with the words: “Drink to your health.” Never in my life has tea seemed so delicious to me as it does now, and I drank it with pleasure. Having treated some more, Father said goodbye, blessed everyone, wished me a safe journey and left. I thanked with all my heart those who gave me the opportunity to see him, and today I went home. I wrote a letter to my dear Father in which I sincerely confessed that the more I look into monastic life, the less and less I like it, and that I don’t want to take monastic vows, but that the world is also disgusting to me and I don’t want to return to it either. And I received in response that he was praying for me and sending me a blessing. I felt light and good in my soul again. I sent Father John congratulations on his Angel Day and received in return his blessing to come to Moscow to see him. Father served in the Nikitsky Monastery; There was such a crowd of people that it was difficult to push through there. When Father came out with the Gifts, he stopped at the door and said a small word. He explained the meaning of the word “amen.” Having mentioned how great the significance of the Sacrament of Communion is, Father said that the word “amen” confirms everything the Savior said about the resurrection of the dead, about the future life, about judgment and punishment, about bliss and eternal torment - everything will certainly be so. Mother Superior invited me to her place, and there I met Father. He happily saw me, blessed me and, looking at me carefully, said that I now look much better than before. They brought a sick boy to him and asked Father to bless him for the operation, but Father John did not give his blessing for this. Then he treated me to tea, which again seemed unusually tasty to me, thanked me for my congratulations and said that he spent his Angel’s day excellently, everyone treated him with unusual cordiality and attentiveness. “I was quite happy,” he added. From the monastery Father went to my friend M., on Malaya Dmitrovka; there I presented him with an icon of John of Rila, embroidered in gold, and asked him to consecrate it. Father asked to know who sewed and admired the work. Having learned that the Oryol nun was sewing, he asked if I continued to work myself, and praised me for my affirmative answer. “I thank you very, very much for the icon,” he said. I said: “Dear Father, I received an anonymous letter in which they call me possessed and ask me to immediately leave the monastery, threatening otherwise to burn my cell and kill me.” Father John, having listened to me, beamed all over with joy, as if I had told him something extraordinarily good, and said: “So that’s how it is, and they won’t leave you alone anymore...” - he hugged me and kissed me firmly on the head. Then he talked to everyone, caressed and consoled the hostess, blessed me on the way back to Oryol, said goodbye and left. On November 8, our nun was in Kronstadt with dear Father John and brought me a small letter from him in three words: “Ekaterina Vasilievna, God’s blessing to you, dear servant of Christ. My heartfelt regards. Archpriest John. 1902, November 2." There are no words to express how happy I was with this attention from the priceless Father; With all my heart I thanked the Lord that He had sent me such a spiritual father. Today I was incredibly pleased with a telegram from dear Father with an invitation to come to the consecration of the church. Here is the exact content of this telegram: “I am sending a blessing, I notify you that the consecration of the church will be on December 17, please welcome, get your ticket here. Archpriest John of Kronstadt." But to my extreme regret, I did not have to take advantage of this invitation due to various unforeseen circumstances. On December 27, I received a notification that by today Father would be in Moscow and that he was sending me a blessing to meet him in Klin. That's what I did. Father John, unusually kindly and cordially, immediately accepted me into the carriage. He did not express any regret that I did not attend the consecration of the church, and said: “There was such a mass of different builders and donors that it was absolutely impossible to establish real order, and therefore the crush was unimaginable.” He said to himself that he spent the holidays well and felt vigorous and healthy; then he started talking about monasticism. I told Father that my desire to enter monasticism had cooled for fear of not fulfilling my monastic vows properly, and said that I look at being an abbess as the most terrible cross, since here I have to answer to the Lord not only for myself, but for everyone. He objected to this: “Yes, the cross is indeed big, but the Lord will send His grace. And you’re right, the abbess should know everything and should try to prevent all troubles. Of course, she cannot be responsible for what she does not know.” I noticed that Mother Antonia strongly wanted me to cut my hair, and I told her that monasticism would not satisfy me. Father John found mother’s desire correct and convincingly added: “You definitely need to take on the rank of angel, and I advise you to do this.” I said: “I am afraid of the vow, because it is the same oath; but that one is given for loyalty to the king of the earth and the fatherland, and this one is given for loyalty to the Lord Himself; I understand it this way: if I swore allegiance to the tsar, and then became dissatisfied with him, I would already consider myself bound by the oath and obliged not to disassemble, but to obey unquestioningly, remaining forever faithful and devoted to the tsar and the fatherland and ready to lay down my life for them.” He replied to this: “You understand absolutely correctly, and what an excellent abbess you could be, how good it would be for you to replace Mother Antonia; There’s only one thing that’s stopping you: the Oryol Monastery is selfish, and you can’t manage something like that; but the hostels will certainly need to be managed.” Then he confessed to me, ordered me to analyze my actions and thoughts more and try to correct myself. “You should look at everything and weigh everything you can and should; but at the same time you need to be lenient and love your neighbors more...” - said Father and forgave my sins; I felt light and cheerful in my soul, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I asked him to pray for some people; Father willingly did this and prayed right there in front of me, standing by the window. I felt that he was praying for me, and my soul was overcome by some very special, extraordinary good feeling that cannot be expressed in any words. Having finished the prayer, he sat me down next to me and said again: “Still, you should enter this angelic order of monasticism.” “If you wish, dear Father, then arrange for me to be tonsured in your presence; through your holy prayers it will be easier for me to take a vow,” I asked. He agreed and in this case ordered me to wait a little longer, promising to inform me when it needed to be done. I asked him to accept the velvet vestments from me, bowed at my feet and conveyed to him gratitude from the nun who was already dying, who recovered through his holy prayers. “Glory and thanks to the merciful Lord,” said Father, “for He heard me, an unworthy servant.” The train arrived at the station. Father blessed me and we left. I went to the bourgeois almshouse, where Father John served today. The crowd there was unimaginable, I could barely take communion; I was squeezed hard, and there was a moment when I thought that my end had already come; fortunately, my ex-man came across here, who pulled me out of the crowd and helped me get out of the church. I returned to my friends with whom I was staying; Father John also came to them, served a prayer service there, consoled and made us all happy, and left. In response to the letter I sent to dear Father, I also received from him a letter with the following content: “Dear sister in the Lord, Ekaterina Vasilievna! I send you my heartfelt blessing and the same wish for good health and peace of mind. I heard that you are unwell and not at peace. I pray to God to grant you health and complacency. I send my heartfelt regards to Mother Superior Antonia and express my great gratitude for her precious letters to me. When you get well, E.V., come to my monastery and get acquainted with Mother Superior Angelina, the way of life of our nuns, and decide for yourself how you should enter our monastery, when and under what conditions. I am healthy by God's grace. Archpriest John Sergiev. 13 Feb. 1903." Upon receipt of this letter, I was overcome with extraordinary joy and at the same time some kind of sadness with the knowledge that everything that had happened before was now over and something new was coming; but my health immediately improved; I didn’t leave my cell for a long time; Today I visited my mother and, after talking with her and consulting with her on what to do, I wrote a most respectful letter to the abbess of the Sursky courtyard, Mother Angelina; in it I reported that I had received an invitation from dear Father to go to her farmstead, and asked her to do me a great favor - to give me some tiny room. On March 5, I received a telegram from her, informing me that the room was ready and that mother asked me to come whenever I wanted. I left on the same day with Polya (the maid); Mother Antonia and my sister saw me off very cordially. Mother cried a lot and kept asking her to go back and settle down completely in her monastery. Mother Angelina met me very kindly, assigned me a room, but apologized that due to lack of space she had to accommodate me and the abbess of the Sursky Monastery, who unexpectedly arrived here. I really liked the room, Mother Porfiria and I got along and settled in very well. I spent the whole day in the company of the abbess; the conversations were about the monastery and monastic life; one complained about the lack of funds and the constant bustle that made it difficult to think about salvation, the other complained about the difficulty of managing completely unprepared nuns. At 10 o'clock in the evening Father John arrived, terribly tired; Then the nuns surrounded him so that he forcibly climbed the stairs; noticing me, he smiled at me and said: “Hello, dear E.V., when did you arrive? Very, very glad to see you!” He went into his office and expressed a desire to rest a little, citing extreme fatigue. Mother Angelina and Vera Pertsova, who accompanied him today, followed him there. We all remained in the hall, but not even a quarter of an hour had passed before he came out to us, blessed me again, talked with the Sursk abbess about business, gave her some instructions, talked with Mother Angelina and invited us into his office. There he asked me how I was doing. I answered that it was good, thank God, through your prayers, I conveyed a low bow from Mother Antonia and her request to accept as a gift the icon of the “Quick to Hear”, embroidered in gold, the work and labors of her nuns. Father, having learned that she had been consecrated, received her with pleasure and venerated her; then he wanted to read the letter that I gave him from my mother, but he was distracted by some business and called to the sacristy. When he returned, he sat me down opposite and began to animatedly tell me how he was present today at a debate at the Theological Academy, which was led by the sacristan of St. Andrew's Cathedral for the master's degree 475, and how he was opposed by more scientists than he. “But,” added Father, “I was quite bored, since I could not catch everything properly, due to the fact that I can’t hear well. As a result, my key leader prevailed, and I was very happy for him.” When I asked if his cough had gone away, he answered in the negative. I noticed that Father had lost a lot of weight; he agreed with me and expressed his guess that it was from fasting food. At this time, some Englishman arrived and wanted to talk to Father; they let him into the office, and we all left. Father John talked with him for a short time, soon saw him off, came to our dining room, prayed, sat me down next to him and, turning to everyone with his wonderful smile, said: “Here I am at home and how good I feel!” Then he said that this Englishman was asking one hundred thousand for his piece of land. “I think we don’t need to buy, as long as we get by with what we have, but if we need it, the Lord will not leave us, He will send everything we need; “I told him so,” said Father. I advised him to move here completely. Father objected: “Kronstadt will not let me in, they will all run after me, this cannot be done.” The Sura abbess said that Father had forgotten them, and Sura was his homeland, and that he needed to settle there. He became serious and replied: “Look what you wanted! What should I do there with you? Mess with beggars? I have a lot of them here, too, but here everyone needs me, in all levels of society; so how can I go so far?” Then he said that he was terribly tired and still needed to pray, got up, blessed us and left. The abbess of Surskaya and I arrived early at the abbot's room and waited for Father there. He came out of the office to us in a cassock and an embroidered gold sash, greeted us affectionately and asked how we spent the night. We thanked you for your attention. I started talking about confession, but Father informed us that he would not serve here this week, since all the time had already been allocated: today at the Bezhetsky courtyard, tomorrow he was going to Moscow, then in Leushinsky 476. No matter how Mother Angelina begged him, he remained with his decision; then he went to the church and read the canon there. When he was leaving, I asked him to pray for me, so that despondency would leave me, - he turned around and very sternly said: “Drive away despondency, pray more diligently to the Lord...” - and left. I spent all these five days in the company of nuns, talking about monastic life and order, observed and peered into everything I saw and heard, visited both the refectory and the rehearsals, talked a lot with the abbess of the Sursky monastery, and in the end I see that there is a lot of noise and hustle and bustle everywhere, there is little spiritual disposition... Due to all my observations, I did not have the slightest desire to enter the monastery and take monastic vows. But a strong desire to see my dear Father more often, since on these visits I feel that he is full of grace and this grace perceptibly passes on to me (otherwise how can one explain that bliss of the soul, that special joy that I experience after almost every meeting with him, and the pains subside, and the melancholy goes away), keeps me here. In order to see him more often, I decided to settle here at the monastery when a hotel was built, and I wanted to talk with Mother Angelina about the conditions, but she said that she knew nothing and told me to talk about it with Father himself. Father John arrived while I was at the all-night vigil. Having learned about this, I immediately went to the abbot’s room and found Father in the dining room - he was drinking tea. Father greeted me very warmly, immediately poured me some tea and asked if I had taken a closer look at their practices? He said: “Today I myself gave communion to up to five thousand people, various pilgrims, cripples and unfortunates in Kronstadt, and I was terribly tired - from five o’clock in the morning until one o’clock everyone was on their feet; and then I visited many people here too.” Then Vera Pertsova remarked: “Father healed a demoniac today.” At these words, Father John turned to me and said: “Yes, and imagine how much I fussed with him - he can’t raise his eyes to me, and that’s all! But, glory and thanksgiving to the Merciful Lord, I cast out the demon and healed him.” Suddenly Father, addressing everyone present here and pointing at me, said: “Ekaterina Vasilievna is my old, dear friend!” Seeing my girlfriend standing in the distance in a white headscarf, he asked who this “white one” was, and learning that it was my servant, he said: “Oh, so it’s yours, I need to give her some tea...” - he poured it on a saucer, called her over and gave it to her; she was at the height of happiness. Knowing that Father would serve with us on Monday, I asked him to confess me. He agreed, ordered me to prepare thoroughly and put in writing what I was especially guilty of. Then, saying that he needed to pray, he went to his bedroom, and everyone remained to wait for his return; I went into the hall and there I prayed before the icon of the Savior; suddenly Father came out of the office and said: “E.V., come here, why are you standing there?” - and sat me down next to him. Mother Angelina approached him and handed him a letter from Mother Antonia, which he had not been able to read before. He happily began reading and several times expressed his pleasure by exclaiming: “He writes excellently!” How logical, good, so much humility! While reading, I received such pleasure and perked up; for this humility alone she will be saved... Lord, how pleased I am that I read it - only saints can write like that!” Having finished reading, he went to his room, locked himself in and began to pray. Half an hour later, Father came out again, sat down at the table and began looking through his diary; here, by order of Mother Angelina, he was served a snack; He refused for a long time, but finally agreed and ate several spoons of fish soup. At this time, Mother Angelina’s assistant brought the abbess of the Sursk monastery to him with the words: “Dear Father, she’s really busy, she’s running around buying everything.” He stood up, blessed her and said: “Well done, mother Porfiry, I love her because she prepares everything and takes care of everything.” The priest had a snack, thanked the Lord and was getting ready to go to bed, when Mother Angelina was informed about the arrival of two girls, whom he, according to them, promised to take to the monastery; Father confirmed that he had indeed sent them, but left Mother Angelina complete freedom to decide whether to accept them or not, and left. Mother Angelina tried to prove to them that there was no place and she could not accept them, when Father suddenly returned and said: “Take them, Angelina, in the place of the two who are leaving.” There was nothing more to talk about, and she told them to bring their passports, and Father wished us good night and went to bed. I returned to my place satisfied and thanked the Lord for everything. I got up early and went to the abbot’s room; At this time, the priest was bandaging his sore left leg, on the toe of which an abscess had broken out, and all the calluses and even the foot were terribly swollen. Hearing about this, I was surprised at Father’s patience, how he, with such sore legs, could stand for a whole 8 hours yesterday, bringing in 3 thousand people, and still today go to Tsarskoe to consecrate the church with the Metropolitan in the presence of the Emperor 477... what a martyr he is! At this time, Father went into the office, greeted, blessed and began to read the canon, but he could not stand for a long time, he had to sit down from pain and finish reading while sitting. At 6 o'clock he got dressed and left. I attended early mass, prepared for confession, and wrote down all my sins. In the evening, as soon as I arrived at the abbess, Father John arrived, terribly tired and exhausted; blessed us, said that he wanted to rest, and went to his room, but very soon he came back, called me into his office and began to talk about his service in Tsarskoe Selo together with the Metropolitan in the presence of the Tsar and Empress. Then he wrote something in his diary, asked for tea and went to his room to pray. They served him tea there, but he came out with a glass, completely tired, sat down on a chair, offered me some tea, and also asked what kind I liked - with or without lemon. He poured a saucer full and gave it to me with his kind smile. I kissed his hand and drank. Father finished the rest and went home, and we all remained waiting. Indeed, he soon went out again, and when he sat down, Abbess Angelina brought the actual state councilor Khlebnikov to him. The latter brought his daughter, a cassophore nun, with a request to take her here to the monastery with a contribution of 3 thousand rubles and that she would live on her pension of one thousand rubles. We all went out into the hall, and Father John began to talk with them. The conversation was so loud that we could hear everything. The priest ordered Abbess Angelina to accept them, and said to the nun: “And I ask you to obey and unquestioningly obey Mother Superior Angelina in everything.” Then he apologized to them, saying that he had to go. They left, Father blessed us, promised to confess me tomorrow morning and left us. I prepared for confession, got up earlier and, going to the abbot’s room, met Father; he went for a walk in the kindergarten and said that he would confess to me when he returned. During this time, the hall was filled with a mass of people, but Father, returning, passed by everyone and already at the door of the office called me to confess. I cried during confession. He said: “Try to acquire more trust in people and less suspicion, try with all your might to analyze your actions and your thoughts, correct yourself, and don’t look for faults in others...” and then he added: “How can you live completely without analyzing people?” Who can do this? And I am guilty of this." In response to my statement that I get irritated at the sight of people who act completely arbitrarily, but wear a mask of holiness, and feel disgust for them, Father John replied: “We must treat such people with condescension, try to get rid of the feeling of disgust and achieve such calmness that it does not outrage you.” Then he prayed for me and absolved me of my sins. I thanked Father with all my heart and bowed at his feet. Then I started talking about the house that was being built for those living at the monastery, and asked Father to place me there and accept my contribution of two thousand rubles for now, and bring everything else that would be needed later. He said that he was happy to receive me and that he had already had a conversation about this with Mother Angelina. “You can move in for now, I’m very, very glad,” Father added, blessed me, went into the office, handed over the money to Mother Angelina and began to get ready for church. There was a crowd of people, there were more than fifty customers alone, and there was a fair amount of crush. Father spoke a word about the meaning of the Sacrament of Holy Communion, about the great mercy that the Lord Jesus Christ showed us when He descended to earth, took upon Himself our sins and atoned for them with His Passion on the Cross. He reminded that grace descends through Communion, which helps people become better and improve; that therefore it is necessary to approach this Sacrament as often as possible, since it contains the great power of salvation for us. I was able to receive communion immediately after both abbess. At the end of mass, I went to Father’s chambers; he soon came too, very tired and somewhat out of sorts. I didn’t go into the hall, where two tables were set and there were a lot of people. He also ate almost nothing in his office, said goodbye to us and soon left for Kronstadt. Today Father came to us. I saw him and asked for his blessing to go to my place in Orel on Thursday. He greeted me very kindly and in response to my request said: “What is this! You already want to leave! “Do as you know...” I told him that Mother Antonia was asking me to celebrate this bright holiday with her. He listened to me and said: “Well, great, go with God; give her my blessing, and come here whenever you want.” I asked you to bless me to return here as soon as the premises are ready. “Do as you wish,” Father answered, hugged me, kissed me firmly on the head, blessed me and went to church to serve mass. During mass, he again spoke about the importance of Holy Communion, about how unworthily many approach it, without properly repenting, and do not know how to thank the Lord, who gives us His Flesh and Blood for our salvation. He told about ten lepers whom the Lord healed; indicated that only one of them returned to thank Him; The Lord did not leave the nine who did not return without punishment and severely condemned them for ingratitude 478 . “So you too,” said Father John, “ungrateful ones, who have turned into some kind of animals, overwhelmed by passions and who have forgotten God, who do not give Him due thanks, and you who approach the Holy Mysteries unworthily, the Lord will not forgive this, but will demand it, and will punish it strictly.” Then he began to give communion. At the end of the service, I went to the abbess; the whole hall was crowded with people. The priest came cheerfully, greeted everyone, prayed, sat down at the table with the clergy and began to treat everyone to tea. I stood far away and watched everything. A.Ya., the treasurer, handed the glass to Father and asked him to bless it for me, which he did with pleasure. Then he said goodbye to everyone and went into the office, I followed him. There, some priest approached Father and asked for money for construction; he immediately gave him 100 rubles; then he himself called a monk from the hall, gave him 200 rubles and blessed him. Then he put on another cassock, blessed everyone and left. She visited Metropolitan Anthony and, returning, went to Mother Angelina and talked with her, sitting in Father’s office. As soon as we noticed Father John’s carriage in the window, everyone immediately ran out to meet him. Father arrived in a wonderful mood, greeted me very kindly and asked how I was doing and how my health was. I answered: “Thank God, it’s good, only my kidneys hurt.” He wished me good health. He took out his office card with the inscription already written and handed it to me to give to Mother Antonia. A.Ya., the treasurer, gave me a portrait of Father John and asked Father John to make an inscription, which he did with great pleasure and gave to me, writing: “To a sincere Christian, servant of God E.V. Dukhonina, as a blessing for installation in the St. John’s Monastery in St. Petersburg.” Then, at the request of Mother Angelina, he signed the book “Christian Philosophy” 479 for me like this: “E.V. Dukhonina as a sign of spiritual friendship in Christ,” and he himself gave it to me. I was so touched by Father’s attention that I almost burst into tears of joy. Since tonsure in the mantle was scheduled for tomorrow, Father John was asked to choose names; He did this, then blessed everyone and went to his room to rest. I thanked Mother Angelina and Anna Yakovlevna from the bottom of my heart for their kind attention and went home completely satisfied and happy. Today I attended the tonsure in the robes of two nuns, whose names Father chose: Eupraxia and Eulampia. I went early to the abbot’s room, where a lot of people had already gathered, and met Father. He greeted me cordially and went to walk around the garden before mass; I went to the church choir and from there I observed the entire tonsure ceremony. The singers walked ahead with lighted candles and sang something very touching beautifully; two tonsured men were led behind them and placed behind them, near the candle box; after the psalm they were led to the altar and stood in the middle of the church, where they lay down on the floor like a cross. The archimandrite asked them questions, and they made a vow; I listened attentively and thought that I would give answers to all this without hesitation. But the tonsure itself did not make a deep impression on me; on the contrary, I even felt great joy that Father had not yet given me the order to cut my hair. At the end of mass, Father changed his clothes and went out into the hall; There were a lot of people, the table was set for 50 people. He blessed everyone, prayed and invited them to the table. I stood in the distance and wanted to somehow approach Father and ask again for a blessing on the way back, when Mother Angelina came up to me and, taking me by the hand, sat me down at the table opposite Father; At that time he was handing out glasses of tea to the archimandrite and the priests, and he gave them to me too; I kissed his hand for this attention to me. Father John sat at the table the entire dinner, but did not eat anything; then he said that he needed to go and give communion, blessed everyone and went into the office. S.G. followed him. Ramensky (benefactor of the monastery) 480, General Ivanov with his daughters, followed by me. Father, passing by, blessed me, and I went home. Having rested at my place, at four o’clock I again came to the abbot’s room. Father John soon returned, as a meeting of the construction commission was scheduled for today. As soon as V.K. arrived Saber 481, he left, and the meeting began. We all went out to the dining room. There I got into conversation with one venerable nun from the Resurrection Monastery; She expressed to me her impressions that, although everything here is done somehow not quite like a monk, you can feel that grace from Father somehow touches everyone and everything and makes peace with all this vanity and unrest. Having learned that the meeting was over, we headed into the hall to see Father again. At this time, Prince Golitsyn came to see Father and receive his blessing; Father John received him very cordially, was cheerful all the time, caressed and kissed the prince, treated him to tea and snacks. Suddenly he quickly got up from his seat, took a glass of tea, walked towards us, poured a full saucer and handed it to me. I was dumbfounded, fell to my knees and kissed his hand; Father raised me and said: “Don’t bow, but drink”; then he gave it to others. Then he began to say goodbye to everyone, as he was in a hurry to catch the train. I asked you to bless me to go tomorrow; Father kissed my head and said: “Go with God and give my regards to Mother Antonia and all the sisters.” I said goodbye to Mother Angelina, thanked her for her hospitality, handed over some things to the sisters, said goodbye to everyone and went to my room to get ready to leave tomorrow morning. I am eternally grateful to dear Father John for everything, but I don’t want to move here to live... Do Your will, O Lord, I am Your servant, obedient and submissive!.. I had a wonderful dream that made a strong impression on me. I dreamed that I took off my baptismal cross and three icons along with the chains and gave them to my dear Father with a request to bless them, and he took them and put them on his chest; Seeing this, I was upset, thinking how I could live without them, and he took a glass of holy water, which he himself had blessed, and gave me a drink, but kept the crosses with him. With this I woke up and was in the best mood. I received the wonderful sermon preached by Father on May 6 today 482 (I quote it because it contains some prediction about the birth of the Heir to the Tsarevich; it was delivered in response to the words of the Lord Almighty to King David 483). “The continuation of the royal family is a sign of God’s mercy towards the royal family and Russia. The Lord, through the prophet Nathan, announced to David that his house would be unshakable and his kingdom would endure forever in the face of the Lord God, and his throne would stand forever. What the Almighty has spoken about David, His anointed, may He also fulfill it on our Orthodox king and may he multiply his male seed, so that his generation and he who sits on the throne will not become impoverished from his loins. Our fatherland is still prospering and spreading under the scepter and power of the house of Romanov, and the Orthodox Church, overshadowed by a special Divine Providence, sees the growth and well-being of its children, saved in Christ under the power and confession of it by the king and the reigning house. May the royal house and the kingdom of the king be unshakable forever before the face of the Lord, and may his throne stand forever according to the word of the Lord. Amen". All this time I very often saw Father John in a dream, but now I had the opportunity to see him in reality. I received notification that he was returning from his trip and would be in Moscow by July 15th. I went to Moscow and stayed with my friend E.Ya. B., to be able to see Father. On July 15, he served in the community of sisters of mercy “Quench My Sorrows.” The audience was small; Princess Shakhovskaya herself treated me very attentively 484. I met Father John on the stairs; he was very happy to see me; I didn’t expect such a wonderful meeting and was so touched by it that I thought I might die soon, since dear Father caressed me so much. I confessed to the local priest, and received communion from my dear Father. At about three o'clock he visited my friend, where I was staying, and very much praised me for coming to her. I prayed touchingly at the prayer service, consoled several sick people with a kind word, rubbed a sore spot for some, soaked their heads with holy water, and did not forget my sore hands. He spoke with delight about his trip. Then he began to look through the Moskovskie Vedomosti and suddenly became sad and pensive. chivym 485. I noticed to Father that today’s newspaper did not bring anything encouraging. He agreed and said: “Yes! We are going through a difficult time now.” He drank tea with us and soon left. On July 16, I was again at Father’s service. He spoke a word about the need for each person to bear his cross and correct himself, in order to become new from the old man, and for this to lag behind all vices, but to pray and fast well. “Those who do not correct themselves will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven,” Father John added hotly and even as if angrily. I saw him at a friend's place; Father treated me just as kindly as last time and informed me that the hotel at the Ioannovsky Monastery would be ready in two months; and looking at me with a particularly kind smile, he said: “Please welcome.” After serving the prayer service, he treated us to his tea, poured us a tiny glass of wine, drank half of it himself, and poured the other into my mouth. When we said goodbye, Father kissed my head and pressed it tightly with his hands (it hurt me). After he left, the pain in my shoulders decreased (Father treated them too), and my head stopped hurting completely; I remained in the happiest mood and thanked the Lord for sending me such an all-loving spiritual father. Today, July 17, Father served in the Nikitsky Monastery. During mass, one woman had a seizure; she screamed in an inhuman voice, and then suddenly barked like a dog, but then calmed down; she was brought to Communion, and when Father gave her communion, she said that she now felt completely free from her illness. Mother Superior invited me to her place. They prepared tea and snacks for Father there on the balcony. He soon arrived, greeted everyone warmly and, walking onto the balcony, put his hands on my shoulders and patted them. He prayed, sat down, began to treat the clergy with wine and again gave me a drink from his glass; talked with the abbess, thanked for the icon of Nikita the Martyr presented to him, talked with those present and treated everyone kindly. He said to one paralyzed man: “God is merciful, you will soon be completely healthy” (this man soon died; indeed, the only thing that could make him completely better was death). Father John began to say goodbye; at that time a young woman approached him, he blessed her, she grabbed his hand and began to kiss him intensely, and then suddenly bite him. I got scared and quickly freed Father’s hand; She had already started screaming and making faces terribly, and generally behaved like she was possessed. Father hugged her and began to calm her down; her face became terrible and distorted. He ordered her to open her eyes in the name of Jesus Christ; she opened it; then in the name of the Lord he ordered the evil one to come out of her, caressed her and completely calmed her down. Immediately after this, Father said goodbye and left. Today is the 18th. Father John, reading the canon to the Savior before mass, asked the Lord to wipe from the face of the earth this terrible heretic, Leo Tolstoy, who was eaten up by pride and who serves as an instrument of the devil. Turning to the people, Father said that they need to run, as if from fire, the terrible Tolstoy heresy and from the count himself, since he is an apostate and atheist, he takes away people’s faith and wants to destroy all their peace of mind; takes away everything a person lives by, believing in the Savior, the Mother of God, the Holy Trinity and the afterlife, and in return for all this gives nothing. From mass I went to Sokolniki to see my friends, where Father was supposed to arrive. They received me very cordially, showed me their dacha and, while waiting for Father John, took me for a walk in the garden. Having arrived here and seeing me here, Father was apparently pleased, blessed me and again put his holy hands on my shoulders. The conversation turned to Tolstoy's article, published abroad, 486 in which Tolstoy mocks all dogmas, rejects the Divinity and humanity of Jesus Christ, considers the Mother of God to be an ordinary bad girl and is terribly up in arms against the clergy, saying that they are not needed at all, neither higher nor lower, neither Orthodox nor Catholic. Father said that after reading this brochure, he was terribly irritated, which is why he said in a word that it was not enough to spit in Tolstoy’s eyes. Then he started talking about his monastery, praised the Vaulovo estate, donated to him by Mordvinov, 487 and was very sorry that he did not have such a good nun who could manage it effectively and efficiently. At dinner, I sat at Father’s right hand and told him my dream about how he took off all the crosses from me and put them on himself. “Well, thank God, this dream is good, you should be very pleased with it,” he said to this, blessed me, kissed me on the head, ordered me to convey his blessing to Mother Antonia, wished me a safe journey, said goodbye to everyone and left. I returned home satisfied and happy, thanked my friend for her hospitality and went to my place in Orel. On September 3 I returned to Orel; Mother Antonia cordially Today I received from dear Father a short letter with the following content: “Dear Ekaterina Vasilievna, you are welcome to my monastery to settle in it or to live at the monastery. Spiritual father John Sergiev." This letter reconciled dear mother Antonia with the idea that I should leave. She really didn’t want this, and until the last minute she hoped that my departure would not take place. After reading this letter, she said that now her conscience does not allow her to dissuade me from going and begging me to be away from such a lamp as Father John, and no matter how sad and difficult it is for her to part with me, she is consoled by the thought that closeness to Father will be saving for me. We parted cordially, we both cried all the time, and today I left for Moscow. All the sisters saw me off with tears, and for a long time I could not calm down; I felt good here, my mother truly loved me, my sisters too, and my cell was so nice and cozy! Is there something waiting for me there? My priceless Father is dear and dear to me. Having arranged all my affairs in Moscow, today I arrived in St. Petersburg, to the St. John’s Monastery, and settled into the room allotted to me. I was very pleased to meet with His Grace Bishop Mikhail of Omsk, from whom I received a blessing, as if to be installed in this monastery. Mother Angelina received me kindly, invited me to eat with her and gave her blessing for my placement here. My soul is terribly sad and heavy... Dear Father arrived, I ran out with the others to meet him. He was in a wonderful mood and greeted everyone joyfully. I bowed at his feet, he kissed my head, hugged me and bombarded me with questions: “Well, have you moved? Are you feeling good? Isn't it damp? How is your health? I answered that my back and arms were all sore. He patted me on the shoulder and said: “Well, what to do, old age is starting to make itself felt.” He went into the dining room, sat me down next to me and began to treat me to coffee and tea, pouring it from his glass onto a saucer, as if sharing it with me; He also treated everyone else, but not from his own glass, but from others. Mother Angelina told Father that I had offered her my services to manage the house for those living at the monastery. Father affectionately said: “I’m very, very glad, please take on this matter.” Then he blessed us and left. Yesterday was the day of the dear Father’s Angel, and when he arrived today, I brought him a gold-embroidered fold and some air. But Father was not in a good mood. He greeted him somehow indifferently, without looking at anyone; He accepted the gifts and congratulations somehow coldly and absentmindedly thanked him, as if all this was unpleasant to him. He only smiled when I gave him a congratulatory telegram and a letter from Mother Antonia, which, without reading, he put in his pocket, and ordered the air and the folding bag to be taken to Kronstadt. Although Mother Angelina persuaded him to go to the dining room and drink tea, he did not drink anything, but only treated the architect who was there and some others from the entire huge society gathered there. Then he said goodbye, blessed only me and, walking up the stairs, repeated to those who saw him off twice: “Farewell, goodbye.” Today Father John served with us. I came to Father early and asked him to confess me. He, having learned that I had prepared, took the note with my sins, called me into his bedroom, put on the stole and put the cross and the Gospel. I knelt down. Father carefully read my note and began to talk about humility and how necessary it is to acquire it. He told me: “Of course, you are suffering, because you lived widely, stood very high in society and got used to attention, and after losing your husband, you immediately saw the other side and realized that for the most part attention was not given from a pure heart, but out of necessity; Of course, this was a strong test for you; but everything is for the good and may the Lord help you to humble yourself. Know that God loves the humble and opposes the proud, work hard on yourself, delve more into your inner world, try to be lenient towards people’s actions and try more to find shortcomings in yourself and correct them; do not judge others; the hearts of all are open to the Lord alone.” Then he absolved me of my sins and blessed me. Despite the terrible crush, I managed to take communion properly. The priest preached a sermon on the words: God helps the humble, but resists the proud 488. He said: “For pride, Dennitsa fell from heaven, and other spirits who listened to him slept with him, and eternal torment was assigned to them all. So you, brothers and sisters, those of you who are proud and think of yourself as high, will all be overthrown and fall from the heights... - and repeated several times: “All who are proud, you will all be overthrown...” Then he added: “Leo Tolstoy became proud no worse than Dennitsa and will also be overthrown.” Began to give communion; Father handed me Communion in his hand over the heads of the girls with the words: “May my Lord and my God bless you.” At the end of the mass, I got out of the church with great difficulty and breathed more freely only when I found myself in the abbot’s room, although a lot of people had gathered there. Soon Father came, blessed the meal, prayed, sat down at the table and treated everyone. I drank a few sips of tea, ate a tiny piece of pie, then said goodbye to everyone and left. Dear Father visited me for the first time. Mother Angelina came first, and together with her we met Father John on the stairs. He greeted me kindly, blessed me and said that he was coming to see me; I bowed at his feet and thanked him. Father walked into the room, saying: “How good you are! - drew attention to the portraits and paintings and repeated again: “You are very, very good, E.V.” “Well, do you want to pray?” – he asked. “Do me a favor, Father, bless my housewarming,” I said. Now they brought the epitrachelion, he put it on, knelt down and began to pray... Father prayed so that involuntarily my whole soul was overcome by a prayerful mood and tears flowed uncontrollably. First, I prayed to the Savior, asking Him for mercy, strengthening, healing and installation here, I prayed with all my heart; calling on the Queen of Heaven, with tears he asked for Her intercession and help. Then he said: “Strengthen and support, save and have mercy on Catherine and Angelina,” he blessed the water and gave it to the cross. In the absence of sprinklers, he sprinkled me with holy water abundantly with his own hand. “It doesn’t matter, my hand is sanctified,” said Father; He scooped up a glass of holy water, gave it to me and Abbess Angelina, and finished it himself. Here they brought the sprinkler; Father John sprinkled my entire room. “Let the grace of the Lord be on this bed,” he said, sprinkling my bed; consecrated my other room and kitchen, returned, sat down at the table and talked with the priest, Father Alexander Korotaev. Then he asked if I had a headache? I answered: “No, but my shoulders and arm hurt, and my fingers are swollen,” and expressed the guess that perhaps the Lord was punishing me now for my previous studies in spiritualism, when I wrote a lot, talking with spirits. Father said: “And that, perhaps, is true! - and added: - But they spoke wonderfully to you, I have your conversations with Metropolitan Philaret and Bishop John of Smolensk; the personalities of both are correctly and fairly described.” Then he continued: “Both of them were great smart people and extraordinary people. Bishop John was with me at the Theological Academy and was such a smart guy! 489 I seemed quite simple in front of him; but he became proud of his intelligence - this prevented him from furthering his career, and he died as Bishop of Smolensk.” I noticed that Bishop John gave wonderful sermons, attacked us laymen mercilessly, to the point of tears, and somehow especially knew how to touch on our weak points. Father agreed with this and, turning to Mother Angelina, said: “In our local library these sermons are 490; tell me to get them for me.” Father Alexander noticed that now in St. Petersburg many people are engaged in spiritualism. Father John said: “None of them will go unpunished, because spiritualism is a devilish activity,” he said goodbye to everyone and left. Father again served mass with us. At the end of the service, I went to the abbess. There, Ozerov's maid of honor was waiting for Father John with her sick companion. The priest entered, immediately spoke with Ozerova and her patient, ordered the latter to pray well and partake of the Holy Mysteries. He didn’t pay any attention to me, and when I asked for his blessing, he didn’t seem to hear, didn’t even look, and somehow reluctantly extended his hand to me, which I kissed. He went into the dining room, blessed the meal, treated several people to tea, but didn’t give me any tea. I felt sad and went into the office, intending to leave completely. At this time, Father, heavily pressed by people, entered the office, asking for directions, so that I completely unexpectedly caught his eye. It was as if he had just now seen me, greeted me joyfully, paused and asked how was my health and what was my state of mind? I complained about back pain and my blues. He looked at me tenderly, patted my sore back and shoulders, kissed my head and said: “Don’t be sick and don’t be mopey.” Then he blessed, let me kiss his hand, said goodbye and left. Father arrived at the monastery at 4 o’clock yesterday and spent the night, and today he served our Liturgy. Yesterday, dear Father was in a particularly good-natured mood and greatly pleased me, showing special attention and concern to me! “Do you tolerate the capital’s climate well?” – Father asked me. “I’m still sick,” I answered. Sitting down at the table in the office, Father continued: “Dear E.V., you have worked a lot in your life, sit down next to me and relax,” and he began to re-read various letters, one of them was a letter from a professor at the Theological Academy. Having finished reading, Father said: “He’s so clever! He looks at me like I’m a millionaire and gives me an ultimatum to send him at least 1000 rubles for someone who lost at cards; that a hundred rubles are not worth using. However, how unceremonious he is! So I’ll send him exactly these hundred rubles.” And, indeed, he immediately wrote a letter, enclosed a credit card of 100 rubles and ordered them to be sent to their destination. Матушка Ангелина порадовала Батюшку накладной на 600 пудов рыбы из Астрахани, говоря, что и за провоз 300 рублей уплачено отправи­телем. Батюшка очень обрадовался, встал и пригласил нас всех помолиться с ним, говоря: «Возблагодарим Господа за такую Его к нам милость». And from the depths of our souls we shared with him a quiet holy prayer. Then he ordered me to sit down and said: “It’s so good that I went to Astrakhan” 491. “The wife of this donor was planning to break up with him, but I persuaded her to give up her plan and stay with her husband, since he loves her very much, and now he thanks her for it by sending so many fish.” Father immediately wrote a letter of gratitude on behalf of himself and the entire monastery. The idea flashed to me to ask Father what power does prayer for the departed have and does it always bring complete forgiveness, even if the deceased did not have time to repent of his sins during his lifetime? Father, looking at me kindly and kindly, said: “There was one pagan king who terribly persecuted Christians; when he died, his body stank so much that it was impossible to bear. Then the wife, a Christian, began to pray as a whole council that the Lord would forgive and have mercy on her husband. And then someone had a dream that the king’s corpse had not decayed and was intact. They dug up the corpse and found it untouched and not stinking. This means that the Lord accepts prayers for the dead.” Then I asked: how to understand the words of the Holy Scripture: What you sow, you reap 492? And the apostle says that the prayer of a righteous person will not be valid if the one for whom he is praying does not make his own efforts 493. He replied: “Of course, it is difficult to be saved without one’s own labors; everyone must work for himself.” That was the end of our spiritual conversation. Having accepted Father’s dear blessing and good night wishes, we parted ways. I woke up in a wonderful, inexpressibly happy mood: some kind of peaceful, calm and blessed feeling took over my entire being. During mass, the priest said a deeply felt word on the topic: whoever is not with Me is against Me 494. And he explained what it means to be with Christ; are we all with Him? And proved that few; with Christ only those who have freed themselves from passions and lusts and acquired meekness, humility and love for others and complete submission to the will of God; and whoever has not acquired these qualities, even if he is a monk, does not have Christ in him. He only bears the name of a Christian, without actually being one. Today, too, I was lucky enough to spend quite a long time in the company of dear Father. One admirer brought an icon of St. Seraphim from Sarov to Father. Father, having approved and praised the painting, venerated the holy icon and began to examine the album with sequential images of paintings of the discovery of the holy relics of St. Seraphim. Then he gave us all a brochure containing his response to Count Leo Tolstoy’s article against the clergy 495. This circumstance prompted me to ask Father: “Can Leo Tolstoy turn and leave his delusions?” “They were terribly overcome by pride,” Father answered, “he has gone too far in his false wisdom, and he will die an apostate.” And he immediately added: “And how well he wrote everything when he was engaged in ordinary literature and did not touch upon spiritual literature; This is where he began to contradict himself, and not a single article of his can withstand criticism.” Then an admirer of Father spoke up and said that in Sarov she saw some seer Grisha, who highly praised Father. “I don’t remember him,” answered Father, “and if his predictions come true, then we can think that they are from the Lord.” And he continued: “When I had just begun my ministry, one nun (a simple soul) predicted to me everything that is now with me: that I would receive a lot and give everything away, do good, and that I would be revered. Everything has come true.” Then, wishing us good night and giving us a blessing, Father went home. Today I went to congratulate Mother Angelina on her Angel’s Day. After lunch, dear Father arrived and, greeting me affectionately, shook my hand especially firmly and told us that today he had preached a sermon about Angels and Archangels; then he added, addressing all of us, that we all need to achieve their purity and become equal to the angels; then he went into the dining room and began to treat us to tea. He himself poured the tea onto a saucer and served it, I was also awarded this happiness, and I was firmly convinced that it would heal my headache. And I was truly healed. Father stayed for a short time and left. As he said goodbye, he looked at me tenderly, and my soul was filled with extraordinary joy. Father was again in the monastery; served mass, said a good word about the great importance of the priestly rank: with what dignity it should be worn and with what respect it should be treated, and then added with sadness: “And now there are so many priests who neglect their title and do not care at all about teaching the people, but think only about entertainment.” Then, turning to the nuns, he said: “Please, do not think that you have put on a monastic dress and have already been saved; Now you will be exacted twice as much as others!” There was a terrible storm that night; Karpovka overflowed its banks and flooded the entire Pesochnaya; While Father finished mass and began to give communion, the water began to recede. I received communion and in the abbot’s room I was again consoled by a conversation with dear Father, who told me that he had received a letter from one Tolstoyan, in which he reproaches Father with the following words: “How can you, such a pygmy, allow yourself to go against such a colossus as Tolstoy! You can't break him." Father immediately read me his answer 496, in which he sharply, but quite rightly proves that Tolstoy is the forerunner of the Antichrist and all his teaching has no meaning or significance. I was happy with the visit of my dear Father, who, entering my room, treated me especially cordially, saying: “I congratulate you and wish you a long, long life and achieve bliss in the future,” and kissed me on the head, saying: “How good you are,” then Father sat down at the table and told how on his trip to Revel the Lord saved him and those traveling with him from a wreck: the carriage and was tossing up, but the conductor guessed to brake car 497 in time. Father added: “I am so happy that the Lord loves me; I see this from the fact that the Lord hears my prayer,” and with a kind of radiant face he added: “And what a blessing it is to have the Lord within you.” Sighing, Father continued: “And at the same time, how unworthy we are, we are often subjected to various sins. That the Lord hears the prayer of me, unworthy, I notice from the fact that I especially pray while singing “I Believe” that all those who have separated from the Orthodox Church will come together with her, and now I notice that these desires strongly grip the Old Catholics.” To my question whether we would be obliged to make any concessions for this, he said: “Oh! no – maybe we’ll sacrifice some unimportant little ritual, but nothing else. We will not change the dogmas under any circumstances, not even one.” Then Father praised Zaozersky’s article on the establishment of the patriarchate in our country, 498 only without admitting the laity to the council, saying that with the current delusion of minds they can only bring harm, not benefit. Then he drank tea and, having treated us all, blessed us and left. I was so happy that I can’t find words to express what I felt all day. During the month of December I was able to see dear Father several times; I confessed to him twice and miraculously received communion. На мою просьбу помолиться о генеральше Б. и дать ей совет, благословлять сына на женитьбу или нет, Батюшка сказал, что советует ей не мешать ему, но просит ее вооружиться терпением и не оставлять его, а стараться всеми силами расшевелить в нем веру, которая, по-видимому, у него несколько оскудела. Духовный мой отец приказал, несмотря на мои частые недомогания, посещать непременно воскресные службы. 13 декабря, прочитав покаянный канон и за обедней сказав чудное слово о горчичном зерне и закваске 499 , Батюшка вдруг обратился к народу и произвел общую исповедь, сказав: «Сестры и братья! Take a good look at your heart and repent sincerely!” There was a roar, tears, exclamations: “sinners, pray for us, we repent”; such a roar arose that the whole church groaned; Батюшка поднял епитрахиль, как бы над головами всех, всем отпустил грехи, благословил и стал приобщать. I also joined. Something extraordinary, wonderful happened to my soul; я вернулась домой счастливейшая и от всего сердца возблагодарила Господа, что Он удостоил меня быть участницей этой общей исповеди дорогого Батюшки. Today I was able to talk to Father again. Seeing me in the abbot's room, he caressed me, asked about my health, and, learning that I was still feeling ill, and now I was feeling despondent, he, looking at me so affectionately, said: “Drive away despondency, pray more earnestly to the Lord,” and sat me down next to him. To my question, how do you know that you are acting not according to your own will, but according to the will of God, he said: “You must be guided by your heart and conscience, then after doing some good, good deed, you feel spiritual satisfaction and your soul becomes light and cheerful.” To my question about how to deal with thoughts, he said: “Prayer.” - “I pray, but there is no prayer fervor, and it doesn’t help.” Father, looking at me with his wonderful gaze, said: “Imagine, this happens to me too; but I turn to the Lord now; after all, how the enemy prevails, but the Lord hears the prayer and removes him.” During mass, Father spoke a word about how the Savior was tempted by the devil 500, and then added: “But we are constantly tempted and therefore must strictly guard ourselves and always be fully armed to repel it; in particular, priests must always be on guard as those bearing such a high rank, because the devil pesters them more than anyone else, but they do not seem to notice this and do not take any measures to fight him; therefore, few of the priests will be saved at all; “Whoever seeks power and strives for it is probably in the hands of the devil.” Dear Father visited me, affectionately blessed me, served a prayer service, prayed wonderfully with tears, then sat down at the table, treated me to tea and talked a lot with me. Father said: “I’ll tell you something comforting. The Pope has convened a conclave, and at it the issue of unifying Catholics with the Eastern Church will be discussed! 501 How wonderful it will be! And how I will rejoice if this unification really takes place, I have been praying to the Lord about this for a long time; then we will have fewer enemies and our Tolstoyanism will lose its strength.” Then he added: “I am very upset that our seminaries are rebelling; and all this happens because everyone forgives; and through the fact that they forgive, the guilty themselves perish and others are destroyed.” Then a husband and wife approached Father and said that they were Pashkovites 502, but through Father’s prayers they left this sect and now ask him to beg the Lord’s forgiveness for them. Father said: “The Pashkovites have fallen behind the true teachings of the Orthodox faith, they have lost their way, and to follow them is a great sin.” When I asked Father to bless me to become a nurse and go to war, 503 since a feeling of patriotism began to speak strongly in me, he hugged me and, looking so fatherly, said: “Why should you take on such work with your poor health; you will find something to do here too; entered our monastery and strive here,” and kissed me on the head; then he drank some tea and gave it to me from his glass; He treated everyone there, gave everyone a blessing and left. During this time, I was able to see dear Father several times, confess, take communion with him, and talk with him a lot. On February 28, he spent the night with us in the monastery. When he arrived, he greeted me affectionately, sat me down next to him and said that he was terribly tired today: he had given communion to more than five thousand people, and that something was not quite well for him. Father came to his bedroom, put on his fur coat and, standing there, continued the conversation: “What a terrible time we are going through! Tomorrow there will be a terrible attack on Port Arthur 504, God help our brave warriors! Tomorrow we will pray more diligently for them. But we are all to blame; we have already angered the Lord too much with our unbelief, with our bad, immoral life. Do you believe, dear E.V., wherever I go, almost everywhere there is disagreement, discord, disbelief, quarrels or complete discord; There is no old, moral, patriarchal life at all, there is nothing joyful anywhere - it is clear from everything that the end is near. This is terribly difficult, and we must prepare for the imminent end of life. How well it is written in the Bible: how the Lord endured for a long time and finally, driven out of patience, He punished the Israelites for their apostasy 505 - and this is all a prototype of the New Testament. Isn't it the same now? We forgot God, we forgot the commandments, so the Lord allowed the pagans to attack us,” and added: “What a wonderful book the Bible is: the more I read it, the more I like it.” And immediately he read to us how Moses defeated Amalek; Having read the place where Moses raised his hands and the Israelites won victory, and when he lowered them, victory passed to the side of the enemy 506, he explained to us that stretching out his hands meant the Cross of the Lord and His suffering for a sinful world. When I sadly said that there is an opinion in society that the contents of the Bible are an empty fairy tale and that even the Old Testament should be completely eliminated from teaching, Father, taking a deep breath, said: “We live in difficult times! And Tolstoy did all this evil! How terribly morality has fallen, just as they write! For example: “Paradise” by Merezhkovsky, in which he calls Christianity absurd 507.” At this time, some gentleman from the spiritual department arrived and spoke to Father about how he worked so hard and read the canons himself. Father said that he reads because he sees spiritual beauty in them and considers himself especially happy that the people love him and believe his prayer; he feels that the Lord is especially merciful to him and often, through his prayers, sends healings to those who turn to Him with faith. Saying this, Father crossed himself, saying: “Glory and thanksgiving to the merciful Lord for all His mercies towards me, a sinner.” I brought one lady who had come from afar to Father; The lady said that her husband drove her away and that she asked Father to pray and give advice on how to live. The priest was terribly indignant, saying: “What is this going on: all you hear is that the husband drove him away, then the wife left.” And turning to her, he asked: “What, did he commit adultery?” When she replied that it was all about money, he shook his head and said: “Why! “It was both.” The lady, hearing this, was so confused, she could not find anything to answer... He very sternly told her to put aside all self-love and certainly return with her three-month-old child to her husband, that then God would send her health. Turning to us, Father said: “Lent is coming to an end, we need to thoroughly check ourselves, what we have done during this time: have we improved in any way, and will deeply regret it if we come to the conclusion that we have done absolutely nothing.” After all, the Lord Himself established fasting, fasting for 40 days and defeating the devil. When I asked Father: “Why have you lost weight, you probably don’t eat anything,” and added: “Only grace alone supports you!” He crossed himself, saying: “Yes, thank the Lord, indeed, grace supports me,” and looking at me tenderly, he said: “I not only eat everything, I am a glutton,” and in confirmation of what was said, out of all the snacks served, he drank only one sip of tea, and gave his entire glass to me and did not touch anything else; then suddenly he turned to me and slammed his palm firmly on my sore shoulder: I immediately felt that the pain immediately subsided. I kissed the hand with all my heart. Then he wished us good night, blessed us and went home. I returned home the happiest. During this time, Father served with us several times, and today after the service he visited me. At mass he said a word about how “you don’t need to philosophize too much, but you need to go to church more often; in it salvation is obtained through the Communion of the Holy Sacraments. In church, a person is renewed, receives complete spiritual satisfaction, completely comes to life and becomes a different person; - and added: “I experience all this myself.” While serving a prayer service with me, Father prayed wonderfully, with tears, talked to my students who were graduating from college, and blessed them for their work, saying: “Work, children. The Lord loves work, just watch, take care of your souls from everything bad and unkind,” he gave them tea and bitterly regretted that the Petropavlovsk sank and such a wonderful admiral and man as Makarov died on it 508. When I asked how Father would bless me to spend the summer, at first he said: “As you wish,” but hearing that I was not doing anything without his blessing, he looked at me kindly and praised me, saying that renouncing one’s will is a very pleasing thing to the Lord, and blessed me to spend the summer in the Oryol Vvedensky Monastery, adding: “Your beloved abbess Antonia is becoming weak, she doesn’t have much time left to live, to restore her,” he blessed me and everyone present and left. For several days now, my shoulder had been hurting badly, and today the pain intensified to the point that I decided to call a girl to rub it. But suddenly I fell asleep and saw dear Father; I approached him and began to ask him to treat him; He blessed me, crossed me, patted me so tenderly on my sore shoulder, and my pain immediately subsided. I woke up feeling completely fine. Since Father was supposed to serve with us today and spent the night here, I thanked the Lord with all my heart for the healing and went to the abbot’s room; there I asked Father to confess and give me communion, telling him that I saw him in a dream and he healed my shoulder, and I bowed to his feet, thanking him. He listened to me, looking at me tenderly, and said: “Thank God that you have recovered; according to your faith, the Lord sends you,” and immediately began to confess me and gave me whole instructions on how to live and improve in order to get closer to that ideal, as the Lord said: you be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect 509 - and added: “Work well on yourself, test yourself constantly, repent more often, call and thank the Lord.” Then he explained to me the words of the Apostle Paul: No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him, and I will resurrect him on the last day 510 - and said: “The Lord, of course, knows in advance who will listen to Him and who will not, but the Lord wants to save everyone and therefore gives free will to fulfill His laws or to neglect them; He also gives all the means for everyone to correct themselves, and of course, whoever does not want to listen to anything, eternal torment is prepared for him: but the Lord is indescribably merciful and long-suffering, he waits a long time for our correction and repentance and forgives us.” And he added: “Those who willingly follow the Lord, He helps with His grace, strengthening in them the desire to be saved and helping them to be saved: but from those who do not want salvation, having tried all means, the Lord takes away grace and leaves them without its help.” I celebrated mass perfectly, took communion and felt the happiest all day; my whole soul was filled with gratitude to the Lord. I had a wonderful summer in Orel and on the way back I saw dear Father in Moscow, where he caressed me and consoled me with his attention, today I was able to receive Holy Communion; he served in the Community of Sisters of Charity of Princess Shakhovskaya and after mass in its premises he blessed me to go with him in the same carriage to St. Petersburg today. I was lucky enough to get tickets. As soon as the train started moving, Father sat me down next to him, and I was able to talk to him again. I gave him several letters asking him to pray; having read one letter and learned that the writer had cancer, he said that under no circumstances would he bless her to have the operation, because she would not be able to withstand it and would die prematurely; It’s better to let her live a little longer, and be well prepared, and let her set up a hospice rather than an almshouse: this will require less work, and let her endure the illness patiently, and he himself promised to pray to the Lord so that He would send her strength and patience. Then, after reading another letter, he said: “Lord! What a misfortune - he’s crazy! And how can you keep it at home! After all, in a fit of madness, he can stab them to death - I give my blessing to take him to a madhouse, there is no point in expecting healing and exposing yourself to the danger of being stabbed to death or burned alive.” In a further conversation he said that he had traveled well 511, quite safely. Then he blessed me, wishing me good night, and I went to my compartment; there I learned from the person who accompanied Father what a miracle happened in Vaulovo through Father’s prayers. Mother Angelina was run over by a horse and the wheels ran over her, so no one thought that she would survive. At this time, Father prayed intensely, and she not only remained alive, but was not even disfigured (she remained as beautiful and blooming as she was) and had the strength to return with Father to her monastery in St. Petersburg the next day. As soon as dear Father got up, he immediately sent for me; I asked him to pray for me, so that the Lord would deliver me from melancholy and despondency, which is caused by various adversities, such as the murder of Bobrikov, Plehve 512, war, complete perversion of concepts, and the like: “All this torments me so much that I can’t find a place anywhere.” Father, having listened to me, became very serious, concentrated, stood up, went to the window and began to pray; and how he prayed! In those 10 minutes, I felt so good; I wished his prayer would not stop. Then he sat down and, seating me next to him, spoke about the general almost lack of faith that gripped the majority of educated society, and added: “All this shows that the end is near, the forerunner of the Antichrist already exists, all that remains is for him to be born - and that’s the end. What to do is difficult, but we must endure.” Then I told how sorry I was for my friend’s daughter: she had lost her faith, and she herself admitted to me that this happened because she had become an ardent fan of Leo Tolstoy. Father was surprised and asked: “Is she really an unbeliever? That’s why she keeps getting sick, and, perhaps, she’s going crazy. (She went crazy.) Oh, how hard it is not to believe, I know from experience, and every day I am more and more convinced that the Lord is near us, that He hears our prayers; I ask Him myself and receive answers - this is a fact. How can you doubt and not believe? ABOUT! wretched, wretched these unbelievers!” So we talked the whole way, and I returned to myself in the most wonderful, happy mood of spirit. On July 30, Father served mass with us and said a wonderful word about the Second Coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Last Judgment. As he was leaving, Father suddenly turned to us and said: “Congratulations on the holiday.” Before he had time to leave, the bells began ringing, the firing of cannons began, and we learned with great joy that the Sovereign had an Heir. Then on August 1 I saw Father again and talked to him about the war with Japan. He expressed great joy when he learned from the newspapers that our fleet had left Port Arthur on the open sea and that they hoped that now the victory should be ours. The priest crossed himself, saying: “Lord, grant that it may be so.” Mother Angelina was ill during this time and asked Father to pray, saying that she was suffering greatly. He told her: “Believe more and you will stop suffering - suffering will lead to the Kingdom of Heaven.” During this time I saw Father several times. In an unusually joyful mood of spirit, when he saw me, Father cheerfully greeted me, blessed me so joyfully and said: “You know, dear E.V., on Wednesday the Sovereign has the christening of the Heir, and I have been invited 513 together with His Eminence Metropolitan Anthony. What a great honor for me, unworthy! What a great mercy that I was called to the Baptism of the Heir,” and said: “Glory and thanksgiving to You, Lord, for everything!” Then he stood in front of the icon of the Savior and prayed. When the tea was served, Father poured it on a saucer and served it to Mother Angelina, saying: “Abbess, we’ll drink tea with you, just be careful not to spill yourself!” Then, handing me a saucer, he repeated: “Well, general’s wife, let’s drink together, but don’t get wet!” I took it, kissing his hand, and wet myself. He laughed, saying: “Tea is expensive.” Here my neighbor expressed to Father that she did not believe that the carriage drove over Mother Angelina and she remained alive. Father himself confirmed to her: “I myself saw how a stroller ran over her and she remained alive only by a miracle. The Lord showed me great mercy: he heard my prayer and performed this miracle.” Father arrived at the monastery last night; When he saw me, he greeted me joyfully, blessed me, asked about my health and told me how happy he was that he was at the christening of the Heir. How incredibly solemn everything was! They placed the priest near the font; at that moment when the Heir was baptized, the whole church was illuminated with special sunlight. Today Father served us mass and said a good word: “Since a person serves as a temple for the Holy Spirit, he must take special care to ensure that this church is always clean and worthy of the Holy Spirit dwelling in it.” Then Father made me happy with his visit, served a prayer service, prayed so well that everyone was in a prayerful mood and had tears; he treated everyone kindly, comforted everyone with his attention, gave many advice on how to live and thank the Lord for everything, blessed everyone and left, leaving us the happiest. Dear Father John was with us on August 27, he blessed me so kindly, talked to Mother Angelina and me. In response to my question why everything was so unsuccessful in the war with Japan, he said that Tolstoyanism was to blame for everything, which spread unbelief: the icon of the Mother of God sent to Port Arthur was not given proper veneration 514 - so the Lord is punishing. I asked if it was necessary to act as Saint Pimen advises - to cover everything and not worry about correcting others. The priest answered: “To one who is not in the position of a teacher or boss, and not to one who is entrusted with managing something; a private person, of course, should listen to this advice,” and added: “How much patience is needed, but there is great good in it; There’s nothing harder than being spiritually blind, and how many of them have divorced lately!” During this month, Father visited us several times and served on the 6th. In his sermon, he explained the meaning of the words: give us this day our daily bread 515. He said that this is a request for admission of all of us every day to the Holy Mysteries, meaning by bread the Body and Blood of Christ, and convincingly expressed that it is necessary to partake more often in order to receive grace, without the help of which we cannot be saved on our own. September 8. Father John came to the abbot's room in the evening. I went to congratulate Mother Angelina on Angel’s Day and asked dear Father to bless the fold, which I asked Mother Angelina to accept from me as a souvenir. He willingly fulfilled my request, consecrated it, prayed so well, blessed Mother Superior with it and gave the fold to her, and thanked me as if I had given him a gift. On the 22nd, while serving mass, Father suddenly ordered all the vestments to be changed; they explained to me that this meant a change in the composition of the clergy 516; in the abbot's room after mass he treated everyone to tea, blessed me and very affectionately congratulated me on receiving the Holy Mysteries. When Father left, they sang his favorite canon to him; he explained its contents and said that it was very important because it confirmed the great significance of the Holy Trinity, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit - and depicted all the great power of God's love for humanity. Today, dear Father confessed me in the abbot before mass. I told him that I cannot receive communion as often as others, because I consider myself unworthy, and at the same time I see how many, through frequent communion, fall into pride and begin to consider themselves saints. Father John replied that one must receive communion often, but certainly with the strictest preparation, watching over oneself and not allowing oneself to sin either before or after communion; He said that we need to be more attentive to ourselves, try to correct ourselves, and not others, that grace is not always felt in our sinfulness. Then he blessed and forgave all my sins; I felt light and good; I stood up for mass very well and was one of the first to receive communion. Father uttered a wonderful word on the Gospel: whoever wants to save his soul will lose it 517. He explained the words: there are some of those standing here who will not taste death until they see the Kingdom of Heaven 518. Since the 19th was the day of the dear Father’s Angel, and due to ill health I did not go to see him myself, but sent a congratulatory telegram, it was only today, when he arrived, that I could congratulate him personally. I went to Father John in the abbot’s room together with the nuns who had arrived from Orel, who, at my order, created a silk-embroidered icon of the Mother of God, a copy of the one from Port Arthur. Father had been ill all this time, and I found him terribly thin. He treated me and my nuns very kindly; to my remark that he had changed a lot, he replied: “I haven’t been eating anything all this time, I live only on the Holy Mysteries.” He very graciously accepted the icon and duckweed from me and, having learned that the icon had already been consecrated, knelt down in front of it, prayed and, venerating it, began to praise the work: he blessed the nuns and praised them, and said to me: “Thank you very much, my dear E.V.” In response to my request, this duckweed and epitrachelion must be taken down to the holes and not given to anyone, he answered so cheerfully: “Okay, okay, I will gladly fulfill this request of yours,” and, turning to everyone who was here, he added: “That’s how the Lord is merciful to me, I give everything out right and left, and the Lord sends everything to me and sends it... Here, in this place, there was a wasteland, and what a monastery was built by grace God does not become scarce! - this is how one should live...” And again he began to talk about the great and important significance of the Sacrament of Holy Communion and the need to approach it as often as possible: “I feel it in myself, I come to life, I am resurrected in soul, I am completely renewed after I partake,” said Father. “So, do you advise us, the laity, to also receive communion often?” – asked General Muyaki 519 . Father John answered: “Certainly, otherwise where will you find the strength to fight the surrounding evil? You only need to sincerely repent from the bottom of your heart - the Lord will accept repentance and forgive, then boldly join... The Lord Himself, who gave us the prayer “Our Father,” says: give us our daily bread today, which means with these words He directly indicates that this daily bread is His Holy Body and Blood, which are given to us daily so that we have the strength to fight evil.” In response to the nun’s request to pray for her brother so that he would stop drinking, Father said: “This is a terrible passion; such a person, if he does not heal, then he is lost and will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven; There is little hope for a drunkard to be saved, for death can come unexpectedly, just in this state, then there will be no need to repent...” Then he treated us all to tea and blessed us. Today, dear Father, he served mass in our monastery and, although he looked so weak, he still found strength in himself and said a beautiful word on the Gospel: salt is a good thing; but if she becomes sick, then how will you make her salty? 520 He called the teaching of the Gospel teaching to people, which destroys all moral rottenness in them, salt; about enlightenment he said: a good thing, but if it also takes hold, then what will it be good for? We need to give it up... After mass, Father visited me; Having greeted me affectionately, he blessed me, said about himself that despite his ill health, he still managed to serve mass every day and give sermons, and expressed pleasure that during this time his cough stopped and his voice was strong. To my statement: “The Lord is working miracles with you!” – he smiled so well and said: “Yes! Miracles indeed... although I am unwell, I am terribly bored of sitting at home; Let’s say I’ve re-read a lot during this time... Thank God that the Moskovskie Vedomosti writes the truth and opens the eyes of the government itself, and of everyone who is mistaken.” Then Father John served a prayer service, during which he tearfully asked the Lord to save me from despondency, but to send me good spirits and health, called me smart and praised me for asking him to pray for Kuropatkin 521: “It’s so good that you remembered him, how much he needs prayer now,” he said. When Father finished the service, I thanked him and said that today I received great consolation from the sermon he preached, which explained to me the questions that were tormenting me. He pressed me to his chest and, looking at me kindly and kindly, said: “Thank God that the Lord helped me to console you in this way”; drank tea and treated everyone to it; I thanked Father again for doing so much for me - he completely healed my headaches and freed me from the fear of death that had tormented me so much before. He hugged me again and, looking with the same merciful, kind look, said: “I’m very, very glad and I thank the Lord for all this,” he handed me a saucer of tea with the words: “Now we’ll drink with you to your health,” he asked where I had flowers that smelled so wonderfully like mignonette (I don’t have flowers), gave everyone tea, blessed me and left. Today, dear Father, guessed my thoughts and fulfilled my wish. Having blessed everyone and talked to me in the abbot’s room, Father busied himself with his diary; I, leaving him, talked with Mother Angelina and had just expressed to her my desire to know what Father was writing now, when suddenly he turned to me and spoke to me: “How is your health, E.V.? Now, thank God, I’m better, I just cough, but my stomach still doesn’t improve; however, this is my old age taking its toll,” and then he added: “Do you want me to read to you what I just wrote down?” I remembered my youth and the sins that I committed at that time... I remembered my mentors: Macarius and John, Bishop of Smolensk 522 "; I knew the latter well and praised him. Father John said: “Yes, he was a wonderful man, and I owe it to him that I received this great appointment - the priesthood; Now in seminaries the teaching of science is completely different, and everything has gone wrong.” Then he began to praise Chrysostom, said that nothing could be better than his explanations of the Gospels of Matthew and John, gave us all tea, blessed us and, wishing us good night, went home. Father John came to the monastery, very graciously received us, me and General Muyaki, and talked with us. Father John resolutely refused Muyaka’s invitation to come to her for lunch, and even told Mother Angelina that he did not give her the blessing to go either: her position as abbess is such, Father noted, that her presence is constantly necessary in the monastery and she should not go to lunch at all. I asked Father John to explain what this happens to a person: the soul feels so good, cheerful, some kind of bliss is felt, and yet at the same time tears are flowing. He said: “This means that the Lord’s grace has visited me - these are wonderful, gracious tears, for which we must thank the Lord with all our hearts...” - and at the same time he especially joyfully blessed me, kissed me on the head, said goodbye to everyone and went home. Today, dear Father served us all-night vigil and then in the abbot’s room he congratulated me on the eve of my Angel’s day and said that tomorrow he could not come to me, since he had already promised others. Mother Angelina invited him to drink tea, and he also called me: “Well, let’s go, dear E.V., today I will treat you,” he turned to me. The priest was served hot prosphora, he broke off the top and served it to me along with a glass of tea; I kissed his hand with all my heart. Then he went to the office, Mother Angelina invited me to go there and gave Father John a large icon of the Kazan Mother of God; he took it in his hands, prayed, venerated it, crossed me with this icon, blessed me and, allowing me to venerate it, said: “This is the blessing of the Ioannovsky Monastery for you.” I was touched to the depths of my soul and thanked Father from the bottom of my heart: “You made me so happy that I felt like I had gone to heaven,” I said. She immediately thanked Mother Angelina and invited her to eat with her tomorrow; Father John turned to her with the words: “Be sure to go, Angelina,” E.V. We are one family." Then he blessed me, wished me a good day and consoled me, saying that if he was able, he would try to come. I returned home so happy that I can’t even express it, and I thanked the Lord with tears. Since Father had been ill all this time, I decided to go to Kronstadt to visit him. And yesterday we left with A.S. Ornatskaya 523; For the first time in my life, I rode on an icebreaker and saw Kronstadt. Upon arrival there, we learned that our dear Father had become very ill, and today he felt so bad that he even screamed in pain, and no one was allowed to see him. We were asked to visit Father the next day. We spent the night at the House of Diligence. I saw Father in a dream: he opened our door, crossed me and left... In the morning we were received, and before I had time to take off my fur coats, I saw dear Father John heading towards me (A.S. walked forward and informed him of my arrival). I hurried to him; he said so cheerfully: “Hello, dear E.V., thank you very much for coming to see me, I’m very, very glad to see you! To me A.S. She said that you want to convey something to me from His Eminence Metropolitan Anthony, let’s go to my office and talk.” He blessed me, I kissed his hand, bowed at his feet and followed him into his office and bedroom together. As soon as I entered there, I was overcome by a special feeling of happiness and joy, I prayed internally with all my heart, looking at the wonderful icons, and thanked the Lord with all my heart that He had arranged my trip here. Dear Father sat me down and asked me what I would tell him. I answered: “Priceless Father, I’m afraid to upset you with what I have to tell you...” He looked at me somehow joyfully and gratefully and said: “Tell me, how can you upset me? “Definitely nothing.” Then I conveyed to him the request of Metropolitan Anthony: if the Lord wills to take you from us, so that you fulfill his and our desire and stay with us in the Ioannovsky Monastery, and for this, Bishop asks you to write a petition to the Most High Name. Father listened to me with a cheerful smile, went up to the table, took a large sheet of paper covered in writing and, showing it to me, joyfully said: “Look, I have already fulfilled it and your desire: I wrote about this to His Eminence and ask him to take care of me; The Emperor loves me, and I am quite sure that he will fulfill this desire of mine” 524. To my question, how do you feel, Father straightened up and said cheerfully: “I am cheerful, calm in spirit, I have strength, now I feel great. Yesterday it was my own fault that I felt bad - I wanted to treat myself, instead of the doctor, and I hurt myself; but now, thank God, it has passed and I feel good. However, to reassure all of you, I agreed to the request of my doctor Kazansky and allowed him to bring a specialist, Doctor Sukhov, to me.” “Thank God you did it,” I remarked, “just let him take a good look at you, then you’ll get better quickly.” Father John said to this: “Yes, you are right! But why only professors?” Then they reported that the doctors had arrived. Father blessed me and said: “I thank you with all my heart for visiting me.” I bowed at his feet and asked him to take care of himself and not go anywhere. “I will willingly fulfill your request and not only will I not leave, but I will not accept anyone with me...” - Father promised me. While the doctors were there, I met the wife of dear Father John, a very pretty old lady, Elizaveta Konstantinovna, and his niece. They treated me very kindly and cordially and expressed their disappointment that Father does not listen to anyone: he treats himself, does not want to lie down or sit, but writes and reads on his knees. Having seen off the doctors, Father came out again and expressed great pleasure that he found us still here: “I’m so glad that you waited for me, you see, I’m doing well, nothing hurts,” he said, and continued: “I fulfilled your wish, dear E.V., admitted another doctor; Thank God, they saw eye to eye, “God willing, I’ll get better soon.” Then he introduced me to his wife and niece: “This is my old dear friend and my most devoted spiritual daughter,” Father said about me; showed me all his birds and Egyptian doves, noting that he especially loved them; asked about my health and, having learned that my shoulders hurt, patted just the sore spot, saying: “You don’t need to be sick.” He talked with the visiting merchant and lady about his health, telling them this: “You see that there is nothing wrong with me - I am cheerful, cheerful, nothing hurts, only the doctor orders me to sit at home more, because, in my old age, of course, I have become weaker than before; but, thank God, I feel good.” Father himself poured me tea, treated me and again thanked me for coming to visit him. I told Father that I was grateful to him with all my heart for everything: for the fact that, through his prayers, I suffered the loss of my beloved husband, left spiritualism, which I was so keen on, and completely fell out of love with the world... “You are my savior and my gratitude to you knows no bounds,” I added. He listened to me, all the time looking at me with his wonderful gaze, breathing extraordinary kindness and cordiality, prayed inwardly and said in a fatherly affectionate way: “I have nothing to do with this, - you yourself were worthy of the Lord saving you, - you have intelligence, submission to the will of God, you are obedient, you have firm faith - that’s why all this happened to you.” We began to say goodbye; Father blessed me, thanked me for coming, escorted us to the exit and, already standing at the door, blessed me again, wishing us a happy journey. I felt so happy that I was ready to kiss the whole world. I received an answer to the telegram sent to dear Father: “Thank you for the heartfelt telegram on the holiday, I rejoice with you; Now I have received the Holy Mysteries at home, I feel good, bow to Angelina and the sisters, priests and their mothers. John of Kronstadt." I was again in Kronstadt. I went with one big fan of Father, Cheltsova 525. He received us lying in bed. He’s lying there so weak and thin; I could hardly hold back my tears, it was so inexpressibly painful for me to see his suffering face; it was clear that something was terribly hurting him, and he was unable to hide this suffering. Father greeted him affectionately and blessed him with his weak hand; I knelt down next to the bed and kissed his hand all the time. He said: “I’ve already suffered enough, it’s time for me to be resolved and be with Christ...” When we said what could be better than this, Father even smiled. Not wanting to disturb Father John any longer, we said goodbye to him. He crossed me and told me to convey my blessing to all of us... We returned home very sad. Since dear Father is still ill, and I am terribly afraid that he will leave us, I wrote him a letter in which I asked for his blessing, how should I live further in order to inherit the Kingdom of God: should I enter monasticism or live like this at a monastery, stay here or go to Oryol? And today, having received the blessing from Father to come to him, I visited him again. Father went for a ride, his wife received me; We didn’t sit for long, and he returned. Father arrived very weak, he could barely move his legs, he lost even more weight and had difficulty speaking. He greeted, blessed and went to his room with the words: “Sorry, I’m terribly tired, I’ll rest a little and go out; “And you, look, treat your dear guests well to dinner,” he added, turning to his mother. Less than ten minutes had passed before he came out and walked towards us, looked at me tenderly and said: “I received your letter, dear E.V.; and you gave me a task! I need to think a lot, a lot, and then only I can answer you.” Then several people approached with a request to accept them with a contribution to the monastery, but not as nuns, but as simply living at the monastery. Father John expressed his consent and sent them to Abbess Angelina, but he himself, having blessed everyone, said that they should dine without him, and left to rest. We had just finished dinner when Father sent me a glass of tea and told me to come to him, which I did. I found him lying on the bed, went up, kissed his hand and asked how he was feeling. He replied that he went for a ride today and ate a little for the first time. Then he said: “I really don’t know how to answer your questions, since I know that you will certainly listen to me... You and Mother Antonia must love each other very much, and judging by the letters, she is a wonderful person.” I answered: “Yes, priceless Father; but, unfortunately, she is becoming very weak and ill, and asks you to pray for the end of her life, which she is looking forward to, to come soon.” Father John put his hand on my head and asked how old she was; Having heard that she was 76 years old, he thought deeply and said: “And how wonderful she is...” - he looked at me with a searching look and asked: “Do you like our monastery and its customs?” I answered evasively: “Dear Father, everything for me is you, I live only by you!” He said: “Oh God! He is everything, and what am I?” “God and you, and no one else or anything in the world...” I answered. Then Father John said: “Trust in the Lord, He Himself will arrange for you, He is close to you, He protects you...” He blessed me, gave the blessing to everyone to whom I asked, and said goodbye. I returned home happy and calm and thanked the Lord for everything. Today I and my friend, Mrs. G., visited Father again. He had just received communion; he kindly received us, blessed us, went to his room and returned in his stole, holding a tea cup and a piece of antidor in his hand; turning to me, he said: “Here, E.V., drink some warmth with me,” and gave me three sips to drink and a piece of antidor; I also gave it to my companion and others who were here. Then he went home, rested a little and went out again; brought a glass of tea, sat us down and said that he himself had prepared tea for us; poured it onto a saucer, handed it to me and said that now he felt a little better, but immediately added: “But still I would really like to be resolved and be with Christ.” Then he started talking about current events and said that such a terrible war had never happened before. “And all this is because we have lost faith and stopped praying completely; for our sins and for unbelief, the Lord punishes us in this way: with war, and with internal unrest, and with the absence of real power...” said Father. Then he poured us more tea, said that he was very tired, blessed us and went to his room to rest. I complained of severe pain in my legs and arms. The priest remarked to this: “What to do! So I’m still getting sick, and you need to get sick, obviously, it’s the Lord’s will...” I kissed his hand, and he left. We said goodbye to everyone and returned home happy. Today I was delighted: dear Father sent me a letter in response to mine, in which I asked him to give me instructions on how to prepare for departure to the future life. “Good sister in the Lord, E.V.! May God's grace and peace be with you. I don’t find anything else so necessary to write to you, how to accustom myself and you to solidify the Christian alphabet of love for God and neighbor. Studying and perceiving this alphabet with the mind and heart, and with all thoughts will save me and you and will merit the sight of God in heaven. This activity will best prepare you for death, which is not far off, but behind you, as the proverb goes. My health is getting better day by day, by the grace of God. My appetite is the healthiest, my strength returns and my sleep is good. I bless you to come to me, I will gladly accept your mercy. Your humble pilgrim, Archpriest John Sergiev." Today I visited Kronstadt again. Father met me so cheerful, cheerful, gracious; greeted me joyfully, blessed me with a full cross and expressed pleasure at seeing me. I kissed his hand and thanked him from the bottom of my heart for the letter, saying: “How happy you have made me, dear Father, with your answer! Yesterday and today I fly as if on wings, as if I were not on earth, but in heaven.” He first put his hand on my head, then kissed me on the head, sat me down next to him and began to treat me to tea. He promised to pray for my nephew. At this time the old colonel came, Father received him very cordially. He asked Father to pray that the Lord would preserve Pobedonostsev’s life, which is especially needed now, as a person who stands firmly for autocracy and the fundamental foundations of Russia. Father prayed internally and said: “I hope that the Lord will be merciful, forgive us our sins, lead the Emperor and Russia out of all troubles, both external and internal, and pacify us.” After seeing the old man off, Father John, learning that my hands kept hurting, rubbed them, but I kept kissing his hand. I gave him several letters from nuns. He immediately read them and immediately brought me 100 rubles and ordered me to give them to one of the nuns for the treatment of my sick son. I asked Father to give me the stole, he immediately fulfilled my request, brought out the stole and said: “I prayed that your faith will bring you what you want,” he kissed me on the head, blessed me and said: “Thank you for your visit, go home with God.” I talked a little with Father’s wife and returned home happy. Having received Father’s blessing to come to him, I went to Kronstadt. Father received me very kindly, greeted me joyfully, thanked me for coming and said: “Thank God, I am getting better, I serve and partake of the Holy Mysteries every day. I’m very tired today, I gave Holy Communion to a lot of people.” He sat me down and began to treat me to tea. “What a difficult time we live in, what a miserable land it has become, filled with all sorts of untruths—the evil one has a strong hold... it’s terribly difficult for everyone,” said Father John. I agreed that it really is so hard that you look forward to death. Father said to this: “Yes, death is deliverance; but you can’t wish for it or call it, because the Lord alone knows when it needs to be sent to a person, and we ourselves cannot know whether we are ready, whether we have purified ourselves properly... and therefore, do not ask for death, but rather study yourself thoroughly, look carefully at all your thoughts and carefully follow them; and whatever you find wrong, try to correct it as quickly as possible and constantly thank the Lord for everything.” Then he continued: “How the intelligentsia has completely deteriorated, and the authorities have forgotten that they are the authorities, as if they are hiding! I just read and, I confess to you, I was sincerely glad that in Manchuria three sisters were sentenced to death for treason: this will serve as a good example to others and will discourage many from following in their footsteps. It is clear from everything that the Lord was very angry, and for good reason! They have lost faith, they laugh at religion and no one even dares, out of some self-pity, to openly defend the faith; but I do not lose faith that the Lord will have mercy and forgive us; I think that Rozhdestvensky has not lost faith 526 that he is praying and will fulfill his holy duty. And, apparently, the Lord is still with us; what storms and storms there were, and, thank God, our squadron was not damaged - send him, Lord, good luck...” He poured me some tea: “Eat for your health,” Father told me and added cheerfully: “Thank God, I’m getting better, I say a word every day and, you know, so loudly, with all my heart; thank God, my illness did not affect my lungs, they are completely healthy, my voice is firm and strong; I myself feel how my strength is increasing.” To my question whether Father would go to Sura, he answered: “Now the time is such that it is not very convenient to travel, there is unrest everywhere...” he became thoughtful and, taking a deep breath, said: “Oh, how much more blood will be shed on this earth...” and suddenly, having become cheerful, he added: “But still the Lord will have mercy and forgive us.” “How are you doing?” – Father asked me. I answered: “Thank God, I’m just terribly indignant at everything that’s going on - as soon as I read the newspaper, I just fall into despair; The government's inaction is just tormenting me. I want to stop reading newspapers completely.” Father John said: “This cannot be done, it is necessary to monitor what is happening, but you just need to be calmer, firmly believing that everything is being done by God’s permission, and His holy will be done!” I gave Father several letters and asked him to pray; He gladly promised to fulfill my request, asked me to stay to dine with him and went to rest for a while, entrusting me for the time being to his wife, Elizaveta Konstantinovna, and his niece. While Father was resting, several people came to see him; among them was the general in charge of the Kronstadt artillery 527 with his wife, who turned out to be a good friend of my late husband; We had such a good conversation, remembered our life in Vyborg and did not notice how time passed. Dear Father had already rested and came out to us; He greeted everyone warmly and asked the general why he wanted to see him. He said that he had retired and was leaving with his wife for Pskov and therefore would really like Father to bless them with an icon. Father John quickly went to his bedroom, brought a wonderful icon of the Savior, blessed them and talked a little with them, and they left joyful and satisfied. Father ordered dinner to be served, sat me down next to him, prayed, blessed the meal and began to treat me; I served everything myself and everything seemed amazingly tasty to me. When I began to thank Father, he said: “Well, now it’s time for you to go to catch the ship at half past six.” He thanked me for coming, blessed me, escorted me into the hallway and ordered me to convey my bow and blessing to everyone I asked. I returned home the happiest of mortals and thanked the Lord with all my heart for sending me such a father and leader. Today, for the first time since his illness, dear Father came to our monastery and, together with Mother Angelina, visited me. I got sick and my arms and legs hurt badly all day. Seeing Father at home, I was so happy that I forgot all my illness. My neighbors came to visit me, and we were sitting at the table and drinking tea, when suddenly Father came in quite unexpectedly. “Christ is risen,” he said, kissed me three times, sat down at the table and said: “That’s great, and the samovar is on the table, I’ll drink tea with pleasure.” He asked what was hurting me, he himself offered to treat me, he stood up and patted me on my sore shoulder; I felt better now. He poured me tea on a saucer and said: “Let’s drink together for good health.” I asked Father to pray; he immediately sent for the stole; As soon as they brought it, Father went into my other room and, starting the prayer service, said: “Know and firmly believe that where two or three gather in the name of the Lord, He is certainly present, 528 and therefore pray with firm faith that the Lord will hear you.” I especially strongly asked the Lord to send me healing and strengthening of strength; Allowing me to venerate the cross, he sprinkled me abundantly with holy water. Then he sat for a while, blessed us all and, citing fatigue, said goodbye and left. My hand has completely stopped hurting, and my spirit is wonderful. Today our dear Father served mass with us and said a short word. He said: “We must stay awake and try to correct our shortcomings, get rid of all our sins, in order to always be ready for the hour of death.” With Father’s blessing, I took communion with him today. After mass, in the abbot’s room, he blessed me, congratulated me on receiving the Holy Mysteries, and, despite the huge crowd crowding him, he still handed me a glass of tea, said: “Let’s have some tea with you,” and he gave me a drink from a saucer. I kissed his hand and returned home joyfully. I saw dear Father in the abbot's room; he blessed and caressed me. Having learned that everyone’s hands hurt, he treated me extremely sympathetically and rubbed them. I asked him to accept from me the veil on the lectern of my work; Father praised my product, called me an artist, and handed the veil to Mother Angelina, so that she would order it to be placed on his lectern tomorrow. Then he started talking to me and said: “Everyone scolds me in the newspapers 529, but I don’t even read.” I answered: “They attack you, Father, because you smash the Tolstoyans, and they point out that Christ did not act like that.” Father John said: “But how does the Gospel say more than once: having ears, you do not hear; having eyes, you do not see 530; Do not be like the scribes and Pharisees, who walk in sheep's clothing, but are themselves ravenous wolves 531? “It is our sacred duty to point out and attack sin and praise goodness... But Moskovskie Vedomosti is now excellent.” Every day they contain wonderful editorials, bold and completely fair.” When Father spoke, his face became so animated and bright. A lady came up to him and told him that he was not taking care of himself. He looked at her and said sternly: “I must work and I work, the Lord is merciful and gives me strength.” At this time, another lady arrived and asked Father to pray that her husband would safely undergo the operation that was scheduled for him tomorrow. Father John immediately fulfilled her request and served a prayer service; All of us here also prayed for the sick person. Having seen off this lady, Father invited me and some others to the dining room, there he treated us to tea, blessed me to join tomorrow, said goodbye to us and went to rest. Today, Father John, while reading the canon, was apparently very preoccupied with something - he interrupted the reading several times, went to the altar and venerated the icon. During mass, I earnestly and fervently prayed to the Lord to grant us victory over the Japanese and deliver us from sedition. His prayerful mood was also communicated to me; I cried throughout the mass and, having prepared properly, received communion beautifully. Father said a short word on the gospel words: I am the eternal belly 532! He again argued that communion, and frequent communion, is extremely important for us, that through it Christ Himself enters the human heart and lives there, and pointed out the need for proper and long-term preparation for this Sacrament. In the abbot's room, Father, having affectionately greeted me and Maria Alexandrovna Boborykina 533, blessed us and invited us to the table to eat with him; He treated us to tea, and the priests and deacons to wine; After talking about the weather and praising it, Father turned to me with the words: “Are you going to see His Eminence Metropolitan Anthony today? Please tell him that I bow to him and am terribly sorry that, when I visited him, I did not find him at home.” Then he blessed us and, having said goodbye affectionately, went home. Again I saw dear Father in the abbot's room; Having greeted me and blessed me, he asked me about the state of my health and, hearing that it was not getting better, he said very energetically: “Enough of being sick! - and patted me firmly on the shoulder and back with the words: “Let the disease pass.” I kissed his hand. Then Father went into the dining room, sat down at the table, but did not eat anything. To my question whether he had read that a monarchist party had been established, Father answered so lively and cheerfully: “Of course! Gringmut sent me points on what this party should adhere to 534, and added: “I sympathize with them... we must fight evil.” I asked Father: “Would you bless me to take a vow of complete silence and seclusion? Otherwise, I can’t talk to my friends in cold blood at all, since most of them want this disgusting constitution and expect some great benefits from it.” Father John seriously said: “Under any circumstances! You have been given the gift of judging things fairly, so speak, express your opinions, you should not remain silent.” He handed me a full saucer of tea, then handed it to Mother Angelina: “Here, abbess, have some tea too,” he said, then, having treated everyone, he added: “Perhaps I was created for this, to serve everyone,” he drank one sip and went into the office where some lady was waiting for him. Father talked to her and got ready to go to the library to look at the books he had sent. I said goodbye to Father, received his blessing and returned to my place. Father John served mass. Today two nuns came to him from the western region; Five peasants arrived with them and were led to the altar. There they held the entire mass, then went to the abbot’s room, where they talked with Father. Shedding bitter tears, the peasants complained about their fate. The misunderstood manifesto of April 17 on freedom of faith did for them the fact that they, Orthodox Christians, could not live at all from the Catholics, who with all their might convert them to Catholicism, while insulting those who resist in every possible way. Father John caressed them, blessed and consoled them; He told them very convincingly and firmly so that they should not believe the rumors spread by Catholics that the Tsar had changed his faith: “This is a lie - our Tsar-Father, as he was, will forever remain Orthodox. The Lord loves him and will preserve him, and you remain in your Orthodox faith; The Catholic faith has deviated from the truth and the Pope cannot be considered infallible...” Father answered them. Then he brought out the icon of the Savior and, blessing them with it, said: “I entrust you to the protection of the Lord Himself.” All this made Father John terribly worried, and he left us very concerned. Having heard that Father John was expected in the evening, I, feeling that I had sinned in many ways, decided to ask him to confess me and wrote my entire confession for this purpose. As soon as I saw that Father had arrived, I hurried to him. He got out of the carriage, greeted me, blessed me and went into the kindergarten; there, Father, addressing the acting treasurer, remarked to her: “But the tree planted by Angelina has completely dried up, order it to be taken out and replaced with a new oak tree.” I went to the abbot's room; There, a whole family of benefactors, who had arrived from Rybinsk, was waiting for Father John. Father greeted them very joyfully and invited everyone into the office, where the regent soon came to ask him to listen to singing in the refectory. Father invited all of us there along with Mother Angelina. Father, standing with great attention, listened to the singing, praised it, then asked to sing more, and when the antiphons that were sung for him last year on Easter were sung, he said: “Here are the antiphons for burial, and I, thank God, did not die!” He thanked the singers, blessed everyone and let them kiss his hand. Then he was surrounded by various faces, both sick and healthy; He talked to everyone, gave the requested advice, whom he treated by patting or rubbing the sore spot with his hand, whom he ordered to communicate more often, and whom he sent to the doctor. According to their request, he confessed to the entire arriving family of eight people, calling each one one by one to his bedroom. Having finished their confession, he went out in his stole into the office and asked who else wanted to confess. In response to my request for this, Father said: “With great pleasure, let’s go,” he locked the door and asked if I was prepared for confession. I gave him a note where everything was written down. He lit a candle and began to read; then he said, “Thank you and thank you so much for loving me so much and caring for me so much.” I told Father that I stopped talking to my neighbor in order to get rid of her annoyingness and that now we have silence; I asked what he would order, whether I should remain silent or start speaking. Father blessed me to remain silent and said that the Lord would forgive and bless me. Then he told me this: “What to do - it’s hard to live; Now is such a difficult time, which has never happened before, but you still need to see the mercy of God in everything, because the Lord wants to save everyone, and it is necessary to uproot all this evil... I even allow myself to pray to the Lord to destroy all these seditious people. But, my soul, there is no need to lose heart; God save you, get rid of this... - he put his hand on my head and continued: - May the Lord deliver you from this despondency and forgive you. What to do? It’s a difficult time, and terribly difficult, but still the mercy of God is visible in this - the Lord punishes whomever he loves... I am so grateful to the Lord for my illness! During this time I thoroughly re-read the Gospel, all the prophecies and the Bible. The Old Testament tells us what terrible punishment befalls those who violate God's law. And you pray well to the Lord for all your friends and for all your enemies, have pity on those who are mistaken with all your heart and may the Lord forgive you! Try to look more closely into yourself, catch your thoughts, try to look for their very origins, catch newly emerging sins and tear them out by the roots; work hard on yourself, and may the Lord help and have mercy on you... I forgive you with the power given to me.” After this, Father John covered me with the stole, prayed and crossed me three times. I venerated the cross and the Gospel with tears, with a soul relieved and filled with gratitude to the Lord, and bowed at the feet of dear Father, thanking him from the bottom of my heart. Then I asked Father how he would bless me to spend the summer, in Orel or here. He answered me: “What do you want?” I said to this that I have no desires and nothing interests me in life and that now I only think about death. Father so cheerfully objected to me that one must constantly prepare for death, and suddenly added: “But you seem to be very friendly with Abbess Antonia? And if you want to act with my blessing, then it’s better to stay here, don’t go anywhere. I’ll drive a little along the Volga and will be back soon 535.” He blessed me, I bowed at his feet and left. When Father went to the dining room to drink tea, he invited us too. I sat down opposite him. While drinking tea, he took a prosphora out of his pocket, broke it and gave it to me to eat. Then he treated everyone and said goodbye: passing me, he blessed me again and let me kiss my hand. I returned home happy, at peace, and thanked the Lord for everything with all my heart. When Father came to read the canon, I went up to him; he greeted me affectionately, blessed me, said, “Good morning,” and let me kiss my hand. During mass, Father John uttered a wonderful word; he explained the meaning of the words: “Yours from Yours, offered to You...” 536 “Your Son, Lord, sacrifices Himself for Your children, for the whole world,” said Father; He said this with great enthusiasm, apparently trying with all his might to make it clear to us how great this sacrifice was made by Jesus Christ for our salvation. Wanting to express the ineffable mercy of God, revealed in the fact that the Lord forgives all the most severe sins for sincere repentance, as He forgave the thief who repented on the cross 537, Father John pointed to Leo Tolstoy, and expressed himself this way: “If Leo Tolstoy had repented, the Lord would have forgiven him immediately, but he will not repent, his pride will not allow him. All those who are carried away by the teachings of Tolstoy, just let them give up this false teaching and sincerely repent, and the Lord will forgive them.” Then he asked everyone to approach the Chalice reverently, not to jostle, and began to commune. Having given communion to Mother Angelina and the customers, Father gave Communion to me with the words: “God’s servant Catherine is communing.” I attended mass, returned home and felt great all day. Although Father arrived last night, he felt so weak and exhausted that he did not receive anyone. They say that on the 14th he was crushed and his arms were almost dislocated; his arm was covered in bruises, so he immediately returned to Kronstadt and had to lie down. Today, when he came out to read the canon, he looked very weak; when I approached, he blessed me without looking, and when he began to read, he suddenly turned around, quickly came up to me and said: “Hello, E.V., I wish you to be healthy,” he blessed me, crossed me and, returning to his place, began to read. Having read the place where it is said that the Lord did not study anywhere, but all wisdom was in Himself, Father looked at the little nuns and children and said to them: “And you, children, need to study and gain intelligence.” Then, having read another place that the Lord earned the envy of the Jews with his kindness and sincerity, he said: “People who consider themselves wise always treat people with humble and pure hearts unkindly...” - he gave everyone a blessing and left. I went to the abbot's room; at this time a terrible scream was heard in the hall; I hurried there and saw Father John casting out a demon from one, not yet old, but scary-looking woman, whose eyes were abnormally bulging and her hands were twisted as if she was going to beat Father. He calmly told her: “In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I command you - get out of her and do not enter again.” She screamed in an inhuman voice: “No, no, I won’t go out for anything...” When Father repeated his command, she began to scream more quietly, and after the third time she completely calmed down; her face took on a good and kind look. She fell at his feet and thanked Father, saying: “Thank God, he’s completely gone.” Father blessed her and went to get into the carriage to go somewhere to serve mass, extended his hand to me and said: “Well, goodbye, Vasilyevna.” Today I went to the abbot’s room to say goodbye to Mother Angelina and dear Father John, who are leaving tomorrow. Before I had time to say hello to my mother, Father John arrived; passing the hall, he prayed in front of the Kazan Icon of the Mother of God and, entering the office, turned to me and said: “Hello, dear E.V., how is your health? Do your shoulders still hurt?” With these words he began to rub and slap both my hands; talked with one engineer who persuaded Father John not to go to Sura, rightly pointing out that with Father’s current poor health it would be difficult for him to travel 200 miles on horseback and in a carriage, pointing out that such a trip would worsen his illness; I also joined the engineer’s request; but Father did not give up on our requests, but said that he definitely needed to go to Sura. We started talking about the Pacific Squadron. Father John responded about our failure this way: “A terribly heavy defeat... what to do? - the Lord is punishing us for our sins 538, we must pray well so that the Lord will help Linevich win victory with ground forces 539. I still hope that the Lord will send us victory if we don’t anger Him in some way.” Father promised to visit me today, talked with the merchants who came from Rybinsk and admired the architecture of our church, and treated them kindly. The coachwoman Katerina persistently pestered Father so that he would come to her to bless the water, saying that she had no holy water at all, whereas she needed it, but Father answered all her requests: “I will go to E.V., and to you tomorrow.” I had just come to my place when dear Father John came; he went straight into my room, which I locked behind him so as not to let my neighbor in. Father came to the window and said: “What a wonderful view, how nice, as if in a village - everything is green...” I answered: “Yes, Father, it’s very nice here, and everyone calls me to Moscow and Orel!” He looked tenderly and asked: “What is this, to Abbess Antonia? - and said further: - I bless you, go with God, stay a little both there and in Moscow. I will certainly return by July 20 and visit Moscow.” Looking at the brightly burning lamps, Father said that the light of the lights in front of the icons means the fervor of the feelings of prayers offered to the Lord, the Queen of Heaven and all the saints praying for us; He said that we should always remember this and approach them with such feelings, ordered me to light the candles and began to serve a prayer service. And how wonderfully and for a long time he prayed, asking the Lord to grant me healing and deliverance from all troubles and misfortunes. I prayed to the Lord for all of us and asked to help us achieve the Kingdom of Heaven. During the prayer service, I was tormented by the thought that I had locked the door and did not let my neighbor in, and so, when they began to venerate the cross, I let everyone in; Father thanked me for letting everyone in to pray, sat down at the table and, taking a deep breath, spoke to me about Mother Antonia, asked me to give her a bow and a blessing, admired her letters and her wonderful soul. I told Father that I was now busy making extracts from my diary, which I had been keeping all the time - since he took me as his spiritual daughter - since 1877. Father said: “You are doing great in what you write. You have a good gift for presentation. I bless you to publish.” I knelt down and said to Father: “I can’t find words how to thank you for everything you have done for me... From being so proud, proud, self-willed, now, under your leadership, I have changed a lot; I’m just becoming irritable from embarrassment at everything that’s going on in the world.” Father John remarked to me: “It seems that I didn’t instruct you enough, but I myself can be irritable; This is where strong faith and love for God only helps: I soon catch myself and then cry for being irritated...” He kissed my head, took a glass of tea, put in the sugar himself, stirred it, poured half of it into a cup and gave it to me, and drank the rest himself. Then Father told how Metropolitan Vladimir 540 delighted him with his visit to Kronstadt; This attention from the Bishop deeply touched Father. He praised the tea, finding it particularly tasty, and gave it to everyone present; started talking about the war, saying that it was sent to us because of our pride, because we were arrogant, forgot God and imagined that with just the number of troops, without God’s help, we would defeat such an enemy as the Japanese. “But still I do not lose hope that the Lord will still have mercy...” added Father. Then he blessed me with a full cross and wished me a good summer. I kissed Father’s hand deeply and thanked him from the bottom of my heart for visiting. He blessed everyone and left us. At 11 o’clock in the evening I saw Father walking around the kindergarten and praying. Today Father John celebrated the last mass before his departure. There were a lot of people. Coming out to read the canon, Father greeted me warmly. While reading, he addressed the people several times, explaining what he had read; for example, about how we need to be saved and how easy it is to achieve this given the great mercy that the Merciful Lord constantly shows us. “You only need to sincerely repent from the bottom of your heart, and He forgives,” said Father and gave the example of a Samaritan woman, a former harlot, but who sincerely repented 541. The service today was especially splendid; Nine priests and four deacons served with Father. Father John spoke again about the great significance of the Sacrament of Holy Communion, about the fact that one must approach it with strict preparation and complete reconciliation. At the end of the service, Father went into the dining room, blessed the meal, gave tea to the customers and some others, including me. Mrs. Ch. and her daughter asked for his blessing, and he blessed them. Then he asked everyone to help themselves without him, got up and went to the office; there he blessed me and extended his hand to me, which I kissed several times; Father did not take his hand away, but squeezed my hand tightly and, looking at me with his wonderful, merciful gaze, said: “Well, goodbye, dear E.V.; I will often think about you...” - and went to make two more visits. When Father returned, none of us were allowed to see him, and Mother left with him through another gate, so no one noticed. I was strongly impressed by the words of Father John: “And I will often remember you...” - that means he will pray for me, and I will have a wonderful and safe summer... I also got ready and went to Orel on the evening train. I had a wonderful summer at the Oryol Convent and returned home yesterday, as Father notified me by telegram to return by the second of August. I saw Father several times in my dreams; Today the dream made a strong impression on me. I saw that I was sitting at the table, and dear Father John was standing in front of me, in my duckweed, so kind, affectionate, looking at me with his wonderful gaze and saying: “So, you have to redo everything?” I answer: “Yes, priceless Father, absolutely everything...” - and with this I wake up. I went to church, and as soon as Father appeared, he immediately noticed me and through everyone around him addressed me: “Hello, dear E.V., how long have you been here? How did you spend your summer? Is your beloved Mother Superior Antonia still alive? - He blessed me and let me kiss his hand. I answered: “Through your holy prayers, dear Father, I spent the summer wonderfully; Mother is alive, she is ill, she bows at your feet and asks for your blessing...” - and immediately handed over a letter from her to Father. Father John blessed the nuns, then spoke about the meaning of the first and second Savior and about the removal of the cross and, having finished these explanations, began reading the canon. Today the lame old woman Lukerya sat in the place where I always stand, playing the role of a fortuneteller, but in fact she is a great gossip and extortionist. Father, having finished the canon, suddenly energetically approached her and, tightly tugging her hand, lifted her from the chair and put her on her feet, saying sternly: “Why are you still sitting? If your leg hurts, then stand holding the back of the chair...” He took her chair, pulled it forward and, showing how to hold on to it, shook her thoroughly and asked: “Why aren’t you leaving?” As soon as he walked away, the old woman fell as if in a fit. Dunya, the former cell mother of Angelina Dunya, who was standing next to me, told me not to worry, as she often does this: if she lies down, she will get up herself. Father John came out of the altar and saw her lying, but did not pay any attention to her. When the clock began, the old woman stood up and sat down; The nun standing next to her told her that she should consider it lucky that Father patted her. I confessed well and was in a prayerful mood the whole time. Father spoke the word almost all the time with his eyes closed. He talked about what an invaluable, great mercy the Lord showed us by His descent to earth in the form of a man, how He, with His suffering, saved us from damnation and eternal torment and bought us forgiveness of sins and the gift of the Kingdom of Heaven. “Whoever loves the Lord and submits to His holy will, the Lord loves him, and whoever is obedient, the Lord is with him, and whoever turns away from the Lord and sins, without thinking about repentance and that the hour of death is near, the Lord turns away from him...” Father said and listed all the vices and sins: enmity, fornication, covetousness, while looking at some. Then he began to give communion; after Abbess Angelina himself called me and said: “The servant of God Catherine is communing.” At the end of mass, I went to the abbot’s room and ended up in Father’s room. When Father came out, he blessed and congratulated me on receiving the Holy Mysteries, extended his hand to me and asked if I had a good trip. I answered: “I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Father! You probably prayed for me, that I felt so good all summer.” To this he said: “And I thank you, and you prayed well for me.” Tea was prepared in the study; Father first treated me to tea, and then, having drunk a little wine himself, he poured me a sip of wine, then gave me a sip to strengthen the strength, as he put it, of the treasurer and abbess. Having treated everyone to tea, he noticed that Lenten food was tastier than fasting food, and wished us to fast well and celebrate the Feast of the Dormition of the Blessed Virgin Mary, properly preparing for the fast. Father had just begun to say goodbye and blessed me when some priest handed him a letter and asked him to read it. It turned out that he asked Father John for a loan of two thousand rubles. The priest said that he did not have such a sum, gave it to him for the journey and, since the reading took a lot of time, he began to hurry and left. I asked when he would visit me; Father answered: “The first time I come, I will certainly be with you.” As soon as Father John arrived, I went to the abbot’s room, received a blessing from him and asked if he had read mother’s letter. “Why!” - Father answered. “What do you want her to answer?” – I continued. (In this letter, Mother Antonia asks Father to bless me to end my life in her monastery, since she is leaving her cell so that after her death I can use it.) He said: “I’ll have to think about it, I’ll tell you later.” He promised to come to me tomorrow, read the Moskovskie Vedomosti and praised the editorial there. I said goodbye to Father John, received a blessing and returned to my place. Father came to church, treated the sisters very carefully, and told them: “Peace be with you, angelic flock, holy congregation! Cleanse yourself and correct yourself!” He blessed them and let everyone kiss their hand, including me, saying: “I will definitely come to you.” While reading the canon, Father turned the lectern several times and turned to face the people to give an explanation of what he had read. While reading the Apostle, when Father usually sits, today he suddenly stood up, went up to the altar and took out a particle from the prosphora. In his speech, Father John again touched upon the great significance of the Sacrament of Holy Communion and clarified the meaning of the Feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord. He said that the long-dead Elijah and Moses appeared in glory to the Lord Jesus Christ; The Savior himself shone like the sun 542. He said that when approaching Communion, it is not enough to prepare and confess, but you also need to renounce those sins and vices of which you confessed yourself guilty. “It is necessary to get behind envy, pride, vanity, lies, conceit, pride, love of money and malice...” added Father. When he finished speaking, they brought an old woman with her demon-possessed daughter to him; Father immediately took the Chalice and gave them communion first. I went home from mass and as soon as I noticed the carriage, I ran out onto the stairs and met dear Father John there. He greeted me joyfully, blessed me, and I, taking him by the arm, led him up the stairs to my room. Father found out that my teeth hurt and said: “Let’s pray.” He lit the candles, knelt down and with tears asked the Lord for health and peace of mind. I prayed well, and my toothache subsided. “May the Lord send you health and peace of mind...” Father said to me, letting me venerate the cross and sprinkled me abundantly with holy water. At the end of the prayer service, Father John himself asked for tea, saying that he was very thirsty; he drank half the glass, poured the rest on a saucer for me, and then treated everyone there. Seeing that Father was in such a wonderful, complacent mood, I knelt down beside him and asked: “Dear Father, tell me, what dream did Admiral Loman 543 have that asked you to visit him and explain to him something about hell? Everyone is terribly interested in his action, because few people believe in hellish torment.” Father John became very excited and said: “How can they not believe? Who doesn't believe? Is it just the Tolstoyans with their count... Yes, indeed, Lomen called me because he was very frightened of sleep, and he talked to me a lot - he is a Lutheran...” To my question whether the Lutherans would be saved, Father answered: “I think not; Will the Lord attract them to Himself in some special way... It will be good if Lomen believes so much that he accepts Orthodoxy!” - “Is it possible to be saved through the prayers of others, without your own labors and efforts?” – I asked. “Under no circumstances! Everyone must work on his own correction and through fervent prayer ask for help from the Lord,” Father John said with conviction. “Can prayer for the dead obtain forgiveness for them?” – I continued my questions. Father answered negatively and said that intense prayers for the dead can only beg the Lord for some relief from suffering. Then, with Father’s consent, I asked everyone to go into another room for a minute to give me the opportunity to talk with him alone. When everyone left, I presented Father with the icon sent for him by Abbess Antonia; Having learned that it had already been consecrated, he venerated it, praised the work and asked me to convey deep gratitude to my mother for her attention. Then I asked Father to allow me to pray at home and go to church only on those days when I needed to receive communion; I motivated my request by the fact that at home I always pray with tears and concentrate entirely in prayer, but in church there is no such prayerful mood, and I get distracted. Father looked at me sternly and said that he could not allow me to do this, since in church the prayer is completely different than at home; and the whole service, singing, canons - all this is very instructive and useful, he said. "And what? Are you angry with anyone?” – he suddenly asked. “No, dear Father,” I answered, “but I just think that tearful prayer is more pleasing to the Lord than scattered prayer; anyway, I pray in church with my own prayers, that is, those written by the holy fathers and learned by heart.” “This is how you need to pray,” he said, “but still I ask you to go to church services.” I asked what Father would order me to answer to Mother Antonia regarding my move to Oryol. “We still need to think about this and think about it...” he said. “Would you bless me, Father, to go into seclusion?” – I asked. Father John laughed and asked again: “Are you going to prison? – and added: – That’s another thing I came up with! There’s no point in thinking about it.” Then everyone entered, and Father began to say goodbye, blessed us and left. At the door, a woman asked him for his blessing to perform the operation, Father gave it and left. Father John served mass with us: today he looked very tired, and his voice was very weak. While singing the stichera about the Dormition of the Mother of God, he himself sang with some special enthusiasm. Then he spoke a word on today’s Gospel: when the apostles asked the Lord for permission to bring down fire from heaven on people who had not accepted the Savior, the Lord answered them: you do not know what kind of spirit you are 544. Here Father, especially boldly, as far as he could, loudly declared that he should not take revenge out of jealousy, but that everything must be endured with meekness and patience. When he began to give communion, a terrible crowd arose; Father handed the Gifts to the local priest, and he himself went to the altar. Today, when dear Father John arrived, they did not want to let us into the abbot’s room and, having let us into the hallway, they said that Father was busy with monastic affairs with the abbess, the door to the office was locked and they were not ordered to let anyone in; some obeyed and left, but some inner voice told me: be patient, but don’t leave. Suddenly we heard Father’s voice in the hall; My neighbor and I hurried there and there they saw Father John saying to the abbess: “Let in everyone who wants to see me.” Father came straight to me, said: “Hello, dear E.V.”, and so kindly invited me into his office. To my question about his health, he answered: “Nothing, thank God, he was a little ill, and there was no message from the ship,” and invited me to sit down after I said hello to Mother Angelina; he began to talk to me with enthusiasm, looking straight into my eyes. “Well, well, congratulations on the world!” - said Father. I answered: “I don’t know whether to be happy about this, Father?” He objected: “If you have to pay about 150 million, then it’s hard to be happy; but, however, one must discern the will of God in everything; Apparently, the Lord did not want us to climb there, to the northeast! That’s why all our expenses disappear.” “It seems not 150 million, but much less...” I said. Father John answered: “God grant that it will be so 545. Today they write that for the benefit of other states, and especially England, Constantinople should be given to Russia; God grant that it be so. How good that would be!” I remarked to Father John: “I am surprised, dear Father, that during the war our mission with the Most Reverend Nicholas did not suffer any attacks or ridicule 546; It’s surprising that the Japanese Christians tried to alleviate the fate of our prisoners! Will we develop friendship with Japan and will it become a Christian power? Father listened to me with great attention and finally, inspired, said: “Yes! The Lord is highly merciful and correctly rewards people according to their deeds. Our intelligentsia has become perverted and fallen behind the faith; Perhaps God’s Providence is leading in such a way that it will replace those who lag behind with those newly recruited and therefore sent them an advantage in military happiness over us.” And, taking a deep breath, he continued: “It’s terrible what’s happening! Religion, morality - everything has been shaken... How can the Lord not show His anger? I asked: “How do you look at the Duma, dear Father?” “Yes, perhaps the Lord will help, with the help of this institution, to establish greater control, which will prevent our government from being exploited and robbed as much as it is now. What, for example, are we doing with the oil fields? How do outsiders profit from the government? It’s scary to think what’s being done!” - answered Father John. “The election process is all based on bribery?” – I asked. Father thought for a moment and said: “Well, it’s not always like this; Good people can get in." “It seems to me that there is much more order where one smart head rules than 20 with different views...” I said. In this, Father completely agreed with me. Then I conveyed Mother Antonia’s deep bow to Father John and asked him for his blessing for her. “Tell her with joy, and why does this kind, wonderful old lady love me so much?” - he said. I said to this: “How can I not love you, dear Father, when you yourself love us all, you always caress and console us so much that later it becomes easier to live. Nowadays, from whom will you see affection or even simple attention? Each of us loves only himself, and you love us all, and we all just live and breathe you.” After this, dear Father treated us to tea, said that tomorrow he would read Matins at 5 o’clock, since mass was scheduled for real at 7, and began to say goodbye. He turned to me, wished me good night, blessed me and let me kiss my hand. I returned home completely satisfied and satisfied. Father John arrived yesterday; I saw him, received a blessing and asked to pray that the Lord would send healing to Mother Antonia, who had become very ill. Father was very affectionate and kind, treating everyone to tea; He talked to me about how he was greatly outraged by the priests who try by all means to convert the Orthodox to Catholicism and lie without any hesitation to achieve this; they say that John of Kronstadt converted to Catholicism, and through such lies they try to prove that, therefore, Orthodoxy is no good. “How much longer is there yet to come?” - said Father John. Today, coming out before reading the canon, Father affectionately greeted me and let me kiss my hand. The canon praised the Most Holy Theotokos, and Father read the canon with special enthusiasm and even sang along. Turning to the sisters, he said: “What great significance does the Lady have, that God Himself chose Her to give birth to the Savior,” and, showing them the Tikhvin Icon of the Mother of God, he said: “Here She is, your Intercessor and Patroness!” Trust in Her and do not forget that, having entered monasticism, you have taken upon yourself the rank of angel and must correct all your shortcomings, which are: enmity, hatred, malice; they must constantly catch their thoughts as soon as they appear, knowing that everything bad comes from the enemy. Try to destroy them in the very bud, acquire patience, practice obedience and renunciation of your will. Love your abbess, the Queen of Heaven, with all your soul, try to follow the example of Her life and do not forget that the Holy Spirit lives in you, as in all people, and therefore try by all means to improve and love each other.” When Father finished the canon, I approached him; he looked at me with his wonderful, affectionate gaze, blessed me and left. Today, while reading the canon, Father turned the lectern several times; While reading the Apostle, I watched Father: he sat and looked like such an old man, his eyes were closed; suddenly he opened them and began to peer carefully at something - the expression on his face completely changed, it became so radiant and joyful, as if Father had suddenly become younger. Today he spoke a word on the Gospel that the Lord casts out demons by Divine power 547. Father John tried to explain the idea that the demon cannot cast out his own kind. Since today the audience behaved unbearably - they shouted, climbed over the bars - I could hardly hear how Father spoke. At the end of the service, I went to the abbot’s room and gave Father John the copy of the Moskovskie Vedomosti that he had requested. He took the newspaper, blessed, thanked and stroked my cheek; I kissed his hand, and he walked behind the curtain with the newspaper, where he stayed for more than half an hour; then he left there, went to the dining room and, having prayed, began to treat tea first to the clergy, then to the benefactor who had come from Ustyuzhna. He called me over and gave me a glass, saying: “Drink, and sit here at the table.” I kissed Father’s hand. He ate a spoonful of fish soup and began to say goodbye; came up to me, looked tenderly and blessed me again. I returned home satisfied. Today Father John served mass. He arrived at the abbot's at three o'clock. Father blessed me and said: “And you seem to be unwell?” I answered that I was sick all the time: my head and shoulders hurt. He put his hands on my head and said: “So young - and she decided to get sick!” I laughed: “That’s young at 60 years old!” Father smiled at this; I kissed his hand and asked if he had a good trip to Moscow and if he found any change there. Father said: “No, I didn’t notice any change; “Everyone received me just as cordially and talked only about their sorrows and needs.” Then, standing at the door, he blessed all the gathered nuns and said: “May the blessing of the Lord be with you!” He let everyone kiss his hand, went into the dining room, sat down at the table and said: “He who plants a vineyard is worthy to eat the fruits of his vineyard, and every worker is worthy to eat from his labors 548 - so I, having established this monastery, have the right to eat here...” He treated everyone to tea and, saying goodbye, shook my hand firmly. Today, starting to read the canon, Father addressed the nuns and everyone present with the words: “I ask you, listen carefully, you will find a lot of instructive things!” After reading a few, he turned the lectern and turned his face to the people, then went up to the lectern on which lay the cross carried out on the day of the Exaltation, kissed it and, taking it in his hands, continued reading about the suffering of Christ on the Cross. Then he left the reading and, holding a cross in his hand, said, addressing the people: “Behold the crucified Lord! How He suffered, how He sacrificed Himself for us, died and rose again!” Then the pilgrims shouted like crazy: “Truly you are Christ!” Father, showing the cross, said in the most convinced tone that there is only one Christ, and here He is, on the Cross, speaking so clearly that anyone who is not crazy should have been convinced of his error, mistaking Father for Christ. He tried to prove how important the Cross is for our salvation and that only by it alone can we be saved. Then he said: “We are all so sinful that the Lord has already punished us - he did not give us a single victory and allowed us to conclude a far from profitable and honorable peace.” He also spoke about the great significance of the Sacrament of Holy Communion; despite the fact that he asked everyone to approach Communion with reverence, as soon as Father came out with the Chalice, a terrible crush arose. I was so squeezed that I no longer hoped to remain alive, and, of course, I could not approach Communion. Father John was so kind that, at the request of one of my beloved nuns, he gave me communion from the side door, calling me by name, and I, happy, returned to my home. Today, dear Father promised to visit me, which he fulfilled, despite his severe illness. After visiting him today, it seems that I fell in love with him even more than before, since I was completely convinced that Father sees my soul and heart perfectly and reads them freely. That Father is a holy man is impossible to doubt. Reading and studying Chrysostom, I find that Father John is completely following in his footsteps, and, just as Chrysostom is understandable and dear to me, the priceless Father is just as, if not more, sweet and dear. Knowing that I would have him, I decided to reveal to him my whole soul and one sin that I had not yet revealed; I internally confessed to the Lord and wrote down my sins. Although Father arrived at the abbot’s at 6 o’clock, he did not feel well and therefore sent me to tell me that he was not feeling well and would come back after resting a little. We waited for him until nine o'clock and found out that he wanted to get up, but could not, but undressed and lay down completely. All my exes left, only those who lived here remained, since it seemed to me that Father would come after all. Indeed, at 11 o’clock the cell attendant came running to me and said that he was coming. I ran out onto the stairs, bowed at his feet and said: “I can’t find words to thank you, Father, that, despite your weakness, you still came to me.” He hugged me and said so tenderly: “Oh, my beloved, hello!” - and, holding my hand, he climbed the stairs; I kept kissing his shoulder. Father blessed everyone living here and waiting for him and went into my room. I asked him: “How are you feeling, dear Father?” He answered: “Nothing, my dear, now, thank God!” – he hugged me, kissed me on the head and, going up to the icons, prayed so well. I said that I needed to repent of one long-standing sin. “Okay, tell me...” answered Father; I handed over the note, he read it and said: “Well, well! Many people commit this sin...” I stood on my knees and cried bitterly, putting my head on his knees and kissing them. The entire time Father was reading my note, he kept his hands on my head, then he said: “Look, leave it and don’t sin again! And may the Lord forgive you and forgive all your sins...” - he tore up the note, kissed me on the head and began to serve a prayer service; at the same time he invited everyone: “Come on, let’s pray well together...” he said. He knelt down and began to read wonderful prayers with tenderness. When Father knelt down, it was impossible not to notice how difficult it was for him to do this - it was clear that he was very sick with something. He asked the Lord, the Lady and all the saints to save, protect and deliver us all from all troubles and sorrows. Already, standing behind Father, I prayed with tears for him, asking the Lord to heal, strengthen and prolong his precious life. Having blessed the water and allowing me to venerate the cross, Father sprinkled me abundantly with holy water. He refused tea; then he signed his card for me: “To my spiritual daughter as a blessing.” I kissed his hand, and he put his hands on my head and held them there. Many who were there turned to him with their requests, and he satisfied and consoled everyone. Saying goodbye to us, Father said: “I am so glad that I prayed so well with you.” Before we had time to see Father John off, we saw firefighters driving past us and stopping on our street. It turned out that Ramensky’s dacha had caught fire next to us; the wind was blowing straight at us, but suddenly changed, and soon the firefighters managed to defeat the fire. I thanked the Lord with all my heart. Today, while reading the canon, Father John told the sisters that he would very much like them to become more spiritual. In the abbot’s room, I thanked Father for yesterday’s visit and bowed at his feet. He picked me up and said so affectionately: “It’s always a great pleasure for me to visit you.” He blessed me, said goodbye to everyone and said to Mother Angelina: “Don’t get sick, Angelina, but pray more! What a pleasure it is to be in church! With what pleasure I always read the canon! I see and experience how this reading inspires me.” When leaving, Father gave all the nuns to kiss his hand. Today Father came from Kronstadt and served mass; he looked very worried today. He spoke a word on the Gospel, as the Lord called the disciples the salt of the earth 550. “And we are all sinners, reeking of sins! What inexpressible mercy the Lord showed by becoming human, coming to earth and suffering for us! He took upon himself all our sins and thereby saved many of us! But, of course, not everyone...” said Father John. Pointing to the Evangelical Pharisee, he said that all those who pray only outwardly, as well as all money lovers and drunkards, will not inherit the Kingdom of God 551. At the end of the mass, I, unpleasantly agitated by the disobedience of Father John on the part of some people, went to the abbot’s room and there again came across new disobedience: Father asked, in order to avoid crowding, not to let everyone in, but just then one carriage house let in such a mass of people that not only the hall, but also Father’s office was overflowing; I reprimanded her that she was acting against Father’s will. She spoke insolently to me and said that she would complain about me to Father John. I decided in my soul that if it was Father who was seeing everyone off, then he would somehow punish me if I was wrong... And the Lord comforted me, as I did not expect! The appetizer was prepared in the office, and here the visiting archimandrite and the abbess of the Leushinsky monastery, Mother Taisia, were waiting for Father. As soon as Father John entered, he immediately noticed me, greeted me affectionately and went to change clothes. Then he went out, sat down at the table, and seated the archimandrite, mother Taisia ​​and some other persons near him; I stood in the distance; Father, taking a glass of tea, turned to me and said: “Let’s drink with you to your health, my dear, my good lady! I’ll just add some sugar and stir it... - he did all this, poured it on a saucer and, handing it to me, repeated: “Let’s drink to your health,” and he drank from the glass himself. The culprit of my grief - the carriage maker - and another widow, seeing how Father caressed me, said: “Lord, what a lucky girl you are! How Father loves you,” and the coachwoman with tears asked for my forgiveness, and the widow added: “Father probably needs you, and he will not let you go.” Father John began to say goodbye, came up to me, blessed me and, extending his hand, said: “Farewell, E.V.”, and left. All my sorrows passed, and I returned contented and happy. Today Father came to his niece Anna Semyonovna Ornatskaya to visit his ill sister, Daria Ilyinichna, and there I was able to see him. As soon as he arrived, he went to his sister, said hello, served a prayer service and, turning to her, invited her to confess to him, not as a brother, but as a priest who has the right to forgive sins, but asked us to leave. Then he gave us all to venerate the cross and sprinkled us with holy water. I complained to Father about a toothache and asked him to treat it; he patted me on the cheek and said: “This is nothing, be patient.” He sprinkled the entire room with holy water and inquired from his niece about her health: having learned that she was “expecting,” he said: “So what! God bless!" He gave everyone tea and, giving me a saucer, said: “If you want, we’ll drink for your health.” Then, he took a deep breath and said: “Lord, how sad! Strikes again! And why is this being done? I told Father that the editor of the newspaper in which he was attacked was paralyzed. Father John remarked to this: “This is how the Lord punished him! They write, but they themselves don’t even know what they are writing...” Then he blessed everyone and left. Hearing that Father fell ill, I was very alarmed and sent a telegram to Father John: I soon received a reply with the following content: “Healthy, as old people are healthy, but not quite; I serve and partly travel to Kronstadt. Thank you; bow to the abbess and sisters." Father arrived quite unexpectedly late yesterday. He was going to Kronstadt, but something happened in the canal, and the ship returned back. Father was completely chilled and wet. I went to see him on my way to church; he greeted me affectionately, blessed me, thanked me for the telegram and promised to come see me after mass. During the canon, Father John turned his face to the people and said: “Let us pray well that the Lord will deliver us from these sedition, disasters and strikes! I hope in the Lord, He is merciful and will surely calm everything down soon.” He spoke a word on the Gospel about the healing of a leper 552. “The Lord sent leprosy for sins, and it ate up the body, and now our souls are also subject to leprosy, which consists of a terrible number of sins that have engulfed our entire soul. Every person needs to constantly monitor himself, take a good look inside himself and try with all his might to cleanse his heart, so that sinfulness does not deprive us of the Kingdom of Heaven...” said Father John. Further, he again pointed to the great mercy of the Lord, who gave us His Body and His Blood to deliver us from sins. How we should value this blessing and with what reverence we should always approach this Sacrament - with the most sincere repentance and a firm promise to completely improve. At about eight o'clock Father came to see me, said hello, went into my room and, sitting down in a chair, said: “Today I visited a family on the occasion of the forty anniversary of their wedding; How nice it was to see that people lived happily for so many years, soul to soul, and raised and raised children! I blessed their marriage and baptized their children...” I congratulated Father on the upcoming day of his Angel and asked him to accept from me the icon of the Mother of God “Quench My Sorrows,” embroidered in gold. He hugged me, kissed my head and said: “Thank you, my dear! Let's pray now." The priest served a beautiful prayer service and, allowing people to venerate the cross and sprinkling him with holy water, said: “May Christ bless you!” He sat down at the table and began to treat everyone to tea; giving me, kissed my head. The deacon’s sister, who was constantly ill, complained about her ill health to Father John and said that she wanted to get well. He smiled at this and answered her: “Look what you wanted! It’s okay, get sick and be patient...” I, all the time on my knees, looked at the wonderful, kind face of Father and asked him: “Have you, priceless Father, taken our sins upon yourself, and we will all be saved without difficulty?” He seriously said: “The Lord alone took away our sins! And me! What can I do? Of course, I pray for all of you, but everyone must work on correcting themselves, and without this work salvation cannot be expected, and all my labors and prayers will be in vain.” I asked Father to pray that I would have joy in church. He said again: “Look what you wanted! I myself don’t always feel it - it comes after long and great efforts and labors, after long and intense prayers - although I know it, it happens to me, thank God, but only after fervent prayer. Pray! And this joy will visit you...” Father, when he said all this, had some kind of extraordinary, radiant expression on his face. Then he began to say goodbye; I asked him: “Dear Father, what will you answer Mother Antonia to that letter of hers?” He became serious and did not answer me, and when I asked him for permission to convey his blessing to her, he said: “With joy! Give and bow; She’s wonderful and writes so well!” - He blessed me, let me kiss my hand and left. All this time I saw dear Father in a dream; Today I received a blessing and bow from him through the abbess of the Holy Trinity Monastery, who went to him in Kronstadt with my letter and was happy with the kind reception and attention of Father, received from him all the necessary advice and even a donation for the construction of the church. At 7 o’clock in the evening, dear Father John arrived at the abbot’s room, and when I came to his office, he joyfully greeted me and blessed me; Having learned that my shoulder hurt a lot, he patted it and said that the weather was to blame. He said to himself that, thank God, he was feeling very well and had a great day with his Angel: “After serving mass, I immediately went on the ship with some good friends and, riding on the sea, had breakfast, or, more accurately, had lunch; then he fell asleep, breathing in the wonderful air, and at four o’clock he returned home. I didn’t have any visitors except my family. And so the whole day passed...” Father said, all the time looking at me with his wonderful gaze. Then the nuns began to approach him: one complained of severe suffocation, - Father caressed her and rubbed her throat, another complained of pain in her side - he patted her on the sore spot, the third about a headache - Father held his hands on her head; He did all this so willingly, mercifully rewarding everyone with his kind, affectionate glance and comforting with a kind word. Some woman bowed at his feet and with tears begged him to take the boots that she had sewn for him on purpose; Father refused for a long time, but seeing that she was very upset, he took them, thanked her, went into the bedroom, put them on and, coming out, thanked her again. This woman herself began to thank Father for making her happy by taking her work, bowed to his feet and kissed his hand. Again I saw Father in a dream, as if he was talking to me a lot; I only have one thing left in my memory: something has to happen and end... In the evening, Father unexpectedly arrived at the abbot's in a cab; there was a fuss... a nun came running to me and said that there was a riot in Kronstadt and they were setting the city on fire. Father went to the refectory to serve a prayer service so that the Lord would save Kronstadt from destruction. I went there too. Father John, on his knees, prayed miraculously, with tears, all the nuns were crying. Father read prayers in which he asked the Lord to forgive us all our many sins. At the end of the prayer service, he said: “Let’s hope that the Lord will have mercy and all these disturbances will end.” From the refectory, Father walked into his office, not paying attention to anyone, apparently very excited. I stayed with the nuns in the hallway and told them my dream; then they told me that as soon as Father arrived, he said: “Kronstadt is burning, and the sailors are rioting 553, but soon it will all be over...” - and ordered to send for a cab driver in order to quickly go to those who begged him to serve the all-night vigil with them at any cost today. At this time, Father came out into the hall already in his fur coat and became very worried that the cabman was not yet there. I approached him, he very kindly greeted me, blessed me, let me kiss his hand and, looking at me with his kind eyes, said: “What horrors are happening in Kronstadt! They set fire, the sailors riot! Brother went against brother... But God is merciful! It was with difficulty that I left on a common steamer for Lisiy Nos; I gave my word two weeks ago and had to fulfill it...” Father served mass with us. Today I had a vision. On the right side of the altar on the door there are depicted two Angels in the form of deacons; this door was slightly open, and I clearly saw on it the image of the Savior with a wonderful face, in crimson clothes. He stood bending over and blessed the child... I was greatly amazed how they could change the image of the deacons in one night and replace it with another such a wonderful image; I admired it for a long time and just turned to the niece of dear Father John, asking when they did this - how the door was completely closed, and the previous image of two deacons appeared on it. Father came to read the canon, greeted me kindly and blessed me. During mass, he spoke a word on today's Gospel: when the Savior went with His disciples to Jerusalem and the Samaritans did not accept Him, the disciples asked the Lord to allow them to punish them, like Elijah; The Lord forbade this, saying: “Don’t you know what kind of spirit you are? “I came not to destroy, but to save sinners...” 554 Father John said: “You shouldn’t be angry about this, you need to endure everything with humility and not only not take revenge on anyone, but also not judge anyone, leave it to the Lord - He Himself will judge and He Himself will reward everyone according to their merits...” Then, turning to the nuns, he said: “Do not think that you are sinless! You are all filled with sins... - he listed all the vices, passions, bad inclinations and continued: - therefore, you must correct yourself, leave all vicious inclinations, sincerely repent and vow not to sin again, which you confessed to. Only by doing this can you decide to approach the Holy Mysteries, thanking the Lord with all your heart for the great good that He has given us, sacrificing Himself for us to God, deigning us to accept His Holy Flesh and Blood, helping us to unite with Him and giving us grace with which we can more easily repel the arrows of the enemy.” In the Abbess, Father John affectionately greeted me and blessed me. Tea was prepared in the study; Too many people were allowed in. After greeting everyone, Father said: “Gentlemen, how unbearably stuffy it is here! How spoiled the air is!” Mother Abbess ordered the tea to be brought into the hall. There, Father John blessed the tea and began to treat. Suddenly a nun runs in to me and says that Father has been looking for me for a long time, wanting to give me tea; I hurried there and saw that he was holding out the glass, now to the right, now to the left, looking for me with his eyes. When I approached, Father said so joyfully: “Here, my dear E.V., drink to your health...” I had not even had time to kiss his hand before he got up and headed into the office; I asked him for his blessing, - Father gave me his wonderful, merciful look, blessed me and immediately left somewhere. In the evening, Father John again came to the abbot's room. When I knocked there, they immediately let me in; He was apparently delighted at my arrival, greeted me cheerfully and said: “The road was on strike, and I had to come back here! - then he added: “And you know, the newspapers told me that I had fled from Kronstadt.”555 I answered Father: “Nowadays, at least don’t read anything, God knows what they write! Only “Moskovskie Vedomosti” argues correctly and honestly...” - and invited him to read the prayer published in today’s issue 556; he read it right away, even kissed it and said: “Really, it’s good! And you should fully implement the advice given here - pray well and fast on yourself.” He praised the appeal to the Russian people to stand up for the defense of the fatherland; Father really liked how in Nizhyn the peasants forced the seditious students in terribly dirty and rainy weather during a religious procession to take off their hats, kneel, pray and sing “God Save the Tsar” instead of the Marseillaise and, best of all, forced them to publicly swear an oath of allegiance to the Tsar and the Fatherland. I asked Father to pray for me, as I was terribly overcome by despondency. He so sympathetically told me: “God save you, don’t give him space!” Then he went to the dining room to drink tea, there he treated everyone and said goodbye, saying that he would now start preparing a sermon for tomorrow. He blessed me to receive communion with him tomorrow, I kissed his hand, returned home satisfied and began to prepare for confession. Today, during the reading of the canon, Father John turned the lectern over several times. The word was spoken by him today in explanation of the Gospel of Matthew: if somewhere they will not receive you, shake off the dust from your feet, and preach to those who receive you that the Kingdom of God has come near you 557 . “This is the Church of God founded on earth with its saving Sacraments! - said Father John. – In the Sacrament of Holy Communion, the Lord unites with us and becomes one spirit with us; but how far many have now become from God! They do not obey the Church and do not use the Sacraments, they live according to the attraction of the flesh, indulging in passions. The Kingdom of God is within us, says the Savior! 558 In order for this to be so, on our part we need firm faith, sincere repentance and ardent love for God and neighbor. Everyone must strive diligently for their salvation; Christian life is a struggle, and for success in this struggle, the gracious help of God is necessary, which the Lord gives in the Sacraments of Repentance and Communion of the Holy Mysteries to all who seek it.” When Father began to give communion, there was a terrible crush; I was so squeezed that I was only looking for an opportunity to leave, but Father saw my torment and, inviting me ahead of the others, said: “God’s servant Catherine is communing.” God! How happy I felt, having received communion and not being oppressed, and I thanked the Lord with all my heart. Then I went to the abbot’s room to thank Father. He greeted me so warmly, congratulated me on receiving the Holy Mysteries and said that he would visit me one of these days. Today Mother Angelina celebrated the day of her monastic angel and invited me to her place. In the evening, dear Father John arrived; his sister Daria Ilyinichna came to him. He talked to her, greeted me very kindly, blessed me and began looking through the Moskovskie Vedomosti. Suddenly Father’s sister turned to him with a question: “Brother, how old are you, are you older than me or not?” Father laughed and said: “I am 76 years old, and you?” “And I’m eight-sixty,” she answered and, turning to me, offered to count how much it would be. I answered her: “That means you are 8 years younger than Father.” Daria Ilyinichna remarked: “But I look much older than my brother...” Father John laughed and said that he was very tired and would go to sleep a little. I went to the abbot’s room as soon as dear Father arrived, received his blessing and asked him to pray that I could get rid of the disease in my right hand and retain the ability to control it for the rest of my life. “So that I can write a diary about you, Father...” I added. Father John said so kindly and cheerfully: “I’ll pray! And I bless you, - I’ve planned a good deed...” - and rubbed my sore hand. I congratulated him on his 50th marriage anniversary; he thanked and said: “Soon there will be an anniversary of my priestly service,” they wanted to celebrate it especially solemnly, but my good friend the gendarmerie colonel who visited me today asked me to abandon the celebration in view of such troubled times when it is impossible to guarantee that intruders will not get into it; he told me that the authorities were not able to guarantee the peace and even the integrity of my life, and I would not celebrate; I will limit myself to a circle of my closest people, and we will pray in the House of Diligence. Oh, what a difficult time Russia is going through! Will you and I, dear E.V., live to see the time when everything calms down and order and real life finally come?” I asked Father: “Do you think all these misconceptions will pass and we will come to our senses?” He replied: “I am sure that good times will come! The hardest thing to deal with will be the youth; We will definitely have to change the entire teaching staff...” I said that, while making extracts from my diary, I see how much you have done for me, I told the priceless Father about my life in Vyborg and thanked him for everything. To this he said: “Glory to the Merciful Lord that He is so merciful to me! How often do I, even several times a day, experience the great mercy of the Lord towards me; After all, I am a human being, and I am also constantly exposed to sins, and how the Lord always supports and protects me! This is truly amazing - all this can be done by faith alone...” He praised the article about the Old Believers, saying: “Finally, the Russian people are beginning to unite; I think if the Duma is successful, it will save Russia from anarchy 559.” Then Father complained of fatigue, said that I still needed to pray, thanked me for visiting, said goodbye, blessed me, wished me good night and left. Father John visited me today. I had a lot of people eager to see him. One lady, herself unwell, brought with her a girl with seizures, another came to pray for her dying mother and bless the icon of Panteleimon for her, the third came to heal her eyes. Father, upon entering, greeted me, blessed me and everyone gathered here, and caressed and consoled the seizure patient. He blessed the icon, asked the name of the sick woman and, inviting everyone to pray earnestly for the sick, began to serve a prayer service; He knelt down and prayed miraculously with tears all the time. With all my heart, I prayed to the Lord to prolong the life of the most priceless Father, so dear and necessary for all of us, and to protect him from all accidents. Father John allowed her to venerate the cross, sprinkled the epileptic girl with holy water and ordered her mother to partake of the Holy Mysteries more often, and when she herself complained of such pain in her back that she could not even straighten up, Father treated her, patting her on the back; She immediately felt relief and bowed at his feet with delight, saying that the pain had passed, but only weakness remained. The priest told her: “Thank the Lord, and also take communion more often.” Then he looked at the beginning of my diary and, looking at me, with his gracious smile said: “Great, print!” Reading further, he said: “But you don’t owe me everything; you might not have listened to me.” I answered: “If I obeyed, then I owe this to your holy prayers.” At these words, Father hugged me like the most loving father of his child, kissed me on the head and, patting me on the shoulder, said: “Well, now give me some tea.” I got down on my knees and began to ask him to celebrate mass here on the 24th. He replied that he had a lot of birthday girls in Kronstadt and they would be offended by him; he drank a sip of wine and gave me some too. I kissed the hand and began to ask him even more intensely. Father was so wonderful and cheerful today - he looked at me with his wonderful smile and said: “Oh, what! You lead me into temptation." He himself put sugar in all the glasses and treated everyone to tea; when he gave it to me, I told Father that everything really hurt me. He looked sympathetically and said: “The weather is such that there is hardly anyone who feels completely healthy...” and patted me on my sore shoulder and arm. Father himself drank the entire glass from which he gave it to me, and all the time he praised the tea: “What wonderful tea you have! - he said and added: “And how nice it is that we all have gathered here...” When the abbot’s cell attendant came up to him for tea, he reluctantly gave it to her, saying: “Well, why did you come here?!” Saying goodbye, Father kissed me on the head and, on his way out, blessed me and Cheltsova to receive communion with him tomorrow: “Just watch, get well prepared...” he said. Today Father John came out to read the canon through the Royal Doors and blessed everyone with a general blessing, not allowing anyone to approach him. While reading the canon, he suddenly turned the lectern and turned his face to the people, saying that it would be more audible this way. Several times he turned to the nuns and gave them advice on how to endure everything patiently, not to get irritated, not to quarrel, but to constantly remember how the saints suffered, what they endured, how patiently and complacently they met everyone - not only did they not grumble, but they also thanked the Lord for everything. Having finished reading, Father again, turning to the sisters, said: “Prepare well, repent with all your heart and test yourself - I want to include you all today.” During mass, kneeling the entire time, he read with tears a prayer for deliverance from sedition. He said a heartfelt word on the Gospel, how Christ came to the Pharisee and sat down at the table without washing his hands, and how the Pharisee condemned the Lord for this 560. Father said: “Whom did you condemn! The Lord himself! The Lord does not need the external side of faith, but the internal one, that is, not just the ritual side, but the heart, for He said: if your eye is bright, then your whole body is clean, and if your eye is dark, then your whole body is dark 561. The eye is a thought of the heart, which, if prompted by correct and honest thoughts, then correct actions come out; if actions on the outside seem good, and at the same time the heart is not pure, then everything external will not be counted as anything and will be nothing but hypocrisy.” Yesterday I was well prepared and, thank God, I received communion perfectly: immediately, following Mother Angelina, Father John said: “The servant of God Catherine is communing,” and no one pushed me, although the crush was generally terrible. When Father returned from the church to the abbot's room, he looked very tired and worried, he walked into the hall without looking at anyone, prayed, sat down and began to treat. I stood behind him and asked him to bless me; he very willingly fulfilled my request and said that he had not seen me; He asked if I had drunk tea, immediately took a glass, put some sugar in it, made the sign of the cross and gave it to me. I kissed his hand and asked: “How would you bless me to carry out the fast? Without fish? Father, looking so kindly, said: “This is as you find it necessary and as your health requires. Because of poor health, I sometimes allow myself to eat fish. Do according to your own understanding." I kissed his hand, he stood up, said goodbye and went into the office. I returned home. Father served mass in Kronstadt, and came to me at 6 o’clock; I met him at the door. He looked as cheerful and blessed as I love to see him; he said so cheerfully: “Hello, my dear birthday girl! I came on purpose to congratulate you...” He gave his blessing, went into my room, said that he felt good, thank God, and asked: “Well, what, do you want us to pray?” I answered: “What could be better than prayer, but I’m only afraid that you are tired, dear Father?” - “No, as you can see, I’m not tired! Are you still sick?” - he told me. I complained of toothache. Father so fatherly and affectionately remarked: “What can we do? You have to suffer; So I, too, often feel unwell, and the summers are like this... - and with some especially wonderful expression on his face he added: - But what awaits us there! How will we be blissful there!” At this time, he himself lightly put his hand to the sore tooth, lightly rubbed his cheek and patted his sore shoulder. Then, during the prayer service, he prayed wonderfully, asking the Lord for healing, peace of mind, good spirits and longevity. My heart was beating with joy. After the prayer service, Father sat down at the table, but did not want to eat anything, but only asked for tea; praised the tea and, giving it to me, said: “Drink to your health, my dear E.V.” I, on my knees, looked into his unusually kind eyes, thanked him and kissed his hand. Father said: “So you too suffer like Catherine the Great Martyr, and you will receive worthy crowns; you must imitate her and become like her in everything!” I answered that I was not able to endure such terrible torment as she did. He objected to this: “But now there are no such things, now there are other torments, no less than those, perhaps: moral ones - and various diseases...” At the same time, he looked at me with such a soul-penetrating gaze... It was clear to me that Father saw my whole soul and completely understood me. I felt incredibly happy at that moment... Treated everyone to tea and fruit; He blessed me goodbye, stroked my sore cheek, kissed my head and walked away, blessing everyone and comforting everyone along the way with his kind words. I was so happy that I cannot even express it, and I thanked the Lord from the bottom of my heart that I had spent my Angel’s day so wonderfully. Today Father stopped by the senior deacon Solyarsky 562 and, at the request of one visiting patient, served a prayer service. When the patient asked whether he would bless him to undergo the operation, Father ordered him to wait and expressed the hope that maybe the Lord would help and the disease would go away without surgery. While Father was blessing me, an old woman came up to him and asked him to accept from her an icon of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, sewn with silk, of excellent work. Father thanked her, praised her work, kissed the old lady on the head and asked: “Why are you giving me such a gift?” She replied that she was a Catholic and was giving the gift because Father was so kind, he loved and caressed everyone. Father John handed the icon to his niece, asking her to send it to Kronstadt, and left. During the reading of the canon, Father John, addressing the people, said: “The Lord God is so great that no one has ever seen Him or can see Him, only those in heaven see Him, and even then not all.” Today Father said a word about those invited to the wedding feast 563: “The Lord orders us to invite the poor, the lame, the crippled to the feast, and only by doing this can we please the Lord and inherit the Kingdom of Heaven; By treating the rich and noble, we console ourselves and ingratiate ourselves with people for a selfish purpose, hoping to get something from them, and completely forget that everything depends on the Lord and is done only by Him, and not by people. Caring for earthly things means caring for what is nothing more than dust, dust, a soap bubble. Forgetting God, we become criminals...” Then Father again pointed out the great and saving significance for us of the Sacrament of Holy Communion. At the end of mass, I returned home, and when Father John arrived in the evening, I went to the abbot’s room. He greeted me kindly, blessed me and asked: “Have you read how they scold me?” I answered: “Of course, Father, I was outraged to the point of tears.” Father John said: “What can you do, it’s high time the government showed its power! What will we get to? It is impossible to do without punishment; they, like medicine, have a healing effect on people who have forgotten themselves and given over to their passions... And children must be punished and cannot be indulged in everything.” To my question whether all these outrages would end, Father answered: “Since everything has an end, then this must also happen, but only when the Lord finds it necessary to send it.” Father looked so good today - fresh, pink, cheerful - in his wonderful, calm mood; it is clear that he is entirely in God and with God and places all his hope in the Lord, completely submitting to His will. I expressed to Father my indignation and disappointment that I was being called as a witness in the case of priest Torbaev 564. Father said so kindly and sympathetically: “Nothing, my dear E.V.; Be patient, this is for your salvation, you will sooner enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” He poured tea on a saucer and gave it to me; I kissed his hand with all my heart. Having treated the others, he stood up, extended his hand to me, thanked me for the company and went into the office; there he looked for something in the Bible, then came out to us and said that the Emperor had already congratulated him on his anniversary and awarded him the star of Alexander Nevsky. I congratulated Father on his royal mercy, received his blessing, said goodbye and went home. Today I saw dear Father John in a dream; I dreamed that I complained to him that everyone was hurting me in vain - he blessed me, hugged me and said: “Don’t be afraid and don’t worry, no one will hurt you.” Father read the canon today without making any comments. As he left, he greeted me kindly, blessed me and asked about my health. Today Father John came to the Abbess for the second time; he looked terribly excited; They brought a priest to him, a little mentally upset, and said that he wanted to talk to Father; Father John turned away irritably and did not want to talk to him, but said to the one who brought him: “How come you don’t know how to choose the time to bring you to me, because I am a man, and there are times when I cannot speak! I am the same person as everyone else, and this should not be forgotten...” A little later, Father took pity and handed this priest a glass of tea and said: “Here, Father, sit down and drink!” When he didn’t want to take it, he commandingly said: “I’m telling you, sit down and drink!” Then he didn’t speak to anyone else, he just blessed me and Cheltsova, and somehow hurriedly got up, immediately put on his galoshes and almost ran down the stairs. Returning home, I remembered that I had already seen Father in such an upset state: it was in Moscow, in the Kremlin, on the eve of the Khodynka disaster, during the coronation of the now reigning Sovereign. The thought flashed through my mind whether Father was anticipating something like this again? 565 Today is the anniversary of the fiftieth anniversary of dear Father’s priesthood. Our Eminence Anthony celebrated mass; he said a good and truthful word about Father. He said: “During the entire period of his fifty-year priesthood, Father John religiously fulfilled his duties, never abandoned his flock, never sought higher assignments for himself, he always thought only about how he could save his flock and bring everyone to Christ...” and added: “And very few of the priests will be saved, because they will all have to give an account of how they shepherded their flock and what they did for this. How many people think about this? The anniversary went well, everything was very solemn and cordial; The all-night vigil and mass were celebrated by the highly respected and beloved Right Reverend Kirill 566 with sixty priests and forty deacons. The dinner was held in the Duma; everything turned out well, solemnly and calmly. Father John Nikolaevich Ornatsky 567 was so kind that he conveyed my congratulations to dear Father John and brought me a bow and blessing from him. Today Father came to the Abbess; they were expecting him, and the singers prepared a concert for him. He looked cheerful, but not cheerful; Our old ladies began to come up to him and bring gifts from themselves. Father received them graciously and thanked them. I gave him the gold-embroidered daily missal sent by Mother Antonia; he expressed great pleasure, praised the book and said: “This is the most necessary thing for me; what a kind and wise mother Antonia is! Thank her for loving me." Father accepted two embroidered shrouds of my work from me, admired them and expressed his surprise that I worked so hard: “And you did all the work yourself? What a master you are! What a craftswoman you are! This work of yours is especially pleasing to God. Thank you very much!” I apologized that I couldn’t come to congratulate him in person because my teeth and shoulders hurt so much. Father said: “Oh, what a sick person you have become! - kissed me on the head and continued: - And yesterday I celebrated my anniversary so well, everyone was so cordial and sincere! Everything turned out very well." Then he went into the hall, listened to the singing and greeting composed by our nun Evdokia Zabelina. Father praised everything and thanked me very much. When he returned to the office, I very seriously told him: “Father, I’m going to die...” He looked at me wonderfully, hugged me affectionately and, smiling, said: “Well, wait a little longer, it’s too early to die!” His attention touched me deeply, and I kissed his shoulder. I asked Father to write a letter to Mother Antonia: he promised to fulfill it tomorrow, gave me his blessing, and I returned home. At the end of December 1905, I was able to see dear Father several times. On the 15th I witnessed how he healed a demoniac. Leaving the deacon, with whom he served a prayer service, and intending to get into the carriage to go to the sick, he was surrounded by a crowd of Cossacks and soldiers; they all bowed at his feet and, taking off their body crosses, asked that he, having blessed them, would put them on each of them; Father granted their desire, and they all kissed his hand and bowed to the ground again. At this time, two men brought the possessed woman down, she rushed at him with her fists, shouting at the top of her lungs that she could not see him. He very calmly, affectionately said: “Calm down, dear,” he stroked her head and, putting his hands on his head, said: “In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, come out of her and don’t torment her anymore”; and upon repeating these words she completely calmed down. Father blessed her and kissed her on the head; She fell at his feet and, wrapping her arms around them, began to kiss and thank him, saying that she felt that she had been healed. He also blessed her, gave her prosphora and left. I saw Father in a dream: he was with a cross and so affectionately and at the same time commandingly said: “Please, don’t even think about leaving me, but follow me always,” and he blessed! This dream made a strong impression on me. Since Father was reading the canon today, I thought: if the dream is from the Lord, then Father will certainly notice me and show me some attention. He, going out through the Royal Doors, blessed everyone, saying that he would not bless them separately, but, noticing me, he immediately came up to me, saying: “Hello, my dear,” he blessed and let me kiss my hand. While reading, Father explained what he read. Reading about the life of Ignatius the God-Bearer, he said that he was one of those children whom the Lord held in his arms, saying: “To inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, you need to be like this child” 568. During mass, Father spoke a word about the great significance of the feast of the Nativity of Christ: how we should appreciate this great mercy of the Lord, that He came to earth for us and sacrificed Himself for our sins, how we should think about the salvation of our souls and always remember the great significance of the Sacrament of Repentance and the great importance of the Sacrament of Holy Communion. “Don’t forget what difficult times we live in, what a terrible delusion everyone has fallen into, having lost faith and carried away by the teachings of Tolstoy, which led to strikes, revolution and caused anarchy.” After mass, I went into the abbot’s room, and Mother Angelina, while Father was changing clothes in his room, let me read what he wrote in his diary today based on the words in the Gospel, which says: where the corpse is, there the eagles will gather 569. “How mired we are all in sins! All the good things in us have died out, we have become like stinking corpses that move and spread the stench; we must hope that the eagles will soon fly in and eat everything.” Then Father visited me; I gave him a letter from the abbess of the Oryol Monastery, Antonia, in which she thanks him that, through his prayers, she celebrated the holiday like never before: she was so happy with his letter. He kissed the letter and, kneeling before the icons and raising his hands, began to pray; He remained in this position for more than half an hour. Then he consoled me by accepting from me the stole of my own work. He immediately consecrated it and served a prayer service in it; then he treated us all to tea, drank a few sips himself, consoled everyone and, having given everyone a blessing, left. Missing that I had not seen Father for a long time, I sent him a telegram, asking about his health and asking for his blessing to travel to see him in Kronstadt. I received the answer: “I’m healthy, I’m resting and, due to the severity of the frost, I’m not going out; I bless you to come. John of Kronstadt." Today, Father’s niece and I arrived safely in Kronstadt, stopped at the House of Diligence and immediately went to Father; he received us so kindly - he looked cheerful, blessed us, gave me a kiss on his cheek and said that his health - thank God, only last year's illness had returned again and the doctors forbade him to go out and walk on stairs. Then Batyushkin’s wife came out to us; he ordered a samovar to be brought, prayed, sat me down next to him and began to say how grateful he was to the Lord that he could serve mass, perform the Sacraments and give communion; that during the service he feels strong and vigorous, so much so that he can even speak a word; praised the Moskovskie Vedomosti, saying that he reads them with pleasure, because they analyze the current state of affairs quite sensibly and fairly. To my question whether the Moscow revolution would not sober us up at least a little, Father said: “I think it will certainly sober us up, but these articles also show that understanding has begun!” I gave him a letter from a friend in which she asks me to pray for the safe birth of a baby who is about to be born for the first time after twenty years of marriage. He said: “I will gladly fulfill her request, I will pray; I send her and her husband a blessing, I ask you not to worry, but to look at this as God’s great mercy; I hope that the Lord will be merciful and it will be resolved safely (all this has completely come true). Let him pray well to the Lord and give thanks for everything.” Father treated us to tea, poured it himself and then added: “I didn’t sleep almost all night today, now I’ll go get some rest, and you can sit with my Elizaveta Konstantinovna.” After some time, he came out and called me to him, saying: “I want to talk to you, E.V.” When we entered his bedroom, he sat me down near the table and sat down next to him. He again began to praise the newspaper and asked: “How are you doing in the monastery, are you doing well, do you often see Angelina?” And I was very sad when I heard that she rarely receives me - she is either sick or busy; I added: “Pray, dear Father, that I always act according to the will of the Lord, completely renouncing my “I,” and that the Lord will preserve my ability to pray and work on myself until the end of my life.” He, looking so well and mercifully at me, said: “I always pray for you, and now I will redouble my prayers; and you read the Gospel more often and try to delve into what you read; thank God that you are in a prayerful mood, cherish it and thank the Lord with all your heart for this mercy.” Then we went into the living room; here Father said goodbye to us, wishing us a happy journey; We, having thanked Elizaveta Konstantinovna for her attention, returned to the House of Diligence. Having seen Father, I completely perked up, melancholy and despondency completely left me. On the 17th we celebrated mass in the Kronstadt Cathedral. I really liked both the service and the cathedral; everything looks majestic, you feel that special grace reigns here; everything went so decorously, reverently, Father looked cheerful. From mass we went straight to his apartment; He greeted us affectionately, blessed us, thanked us for coming to him again, asked us to sit and drink tea with his wife while he rested a little, and added especially heartily: “I ask you, make yourself at home, don’t be shy, I’ll be back quickly.” We didn’t even notice how quickly time passed, and our dear Father returned; he sat down at the table, began to treat us himself and, turning to me, with such a wonderful, joyful expression on his face, said: “Well, last year at this time I was completely dying and did not think that I would get up, and the merciful Lord raised me from my bed; I am already 76 years old, and the Lord gives me strength so that I can perform the Liturgy; and how good I feel doing it! And in general, the Lord has shown me and continues to show me many mercies, what terrible poverty I experienced as a child, what deprivations I endured. How poor our peasants in Arkhangelsk are, how terribly they are in need; The Lord pulled me out of there and, placing me here, gave me so much money that I could and can help many, and I thank the Lord with all my heart that He extended my life; I still have a lot to finish.” Then Batyushkin’s wife said about some lady that she invited her friend to talk to her dead husband! Father asked in surprise: “Does she really continue to practice spiritualism? - and, taking a deep breath, said: - How sinful! - turning to me, Father added: - But how cunning the flattering spirit is, how cleverly he imitated Philaret of Moscow; after all, how well it is written in your notebooks, E.V., which I have, and what a blessing that you gave up your studies in spiritualism.” When I said: “It was you, dear Father, who saved me, brought me back from death to life, I will forever be grateful to you that you saved me,” he kissed my head and, putting his hands on my head, said: “The Lord left you to live in order to make you pleasing to Himself, so that you would correct yourself from all your shortcomings and be well prepared for the Kingdom of Heaven.” Then he added: “Today the sisters of mercy who returned from the war came to the House of Diligence and asked to serve a prayer of thanks, that they, having received my blessing and prayed well with me when going to war, returned unharmed and were not ill there. How I thank the Lord that He heard my prayers; I will go to them now and with great joy I will pray with them.” Thanking us for our visit, Father blessed us, wished us a safe journey, and we returned home safely, happy and contented. Dear Father visited me again and congratulated me on my birthday; starting the prayer service, he himself lit the candles, saying: “Let the light of these candles be like the light of the Gospel, enlightening all those who sincerely love the Lord and come to Him with deep faith and consciousness.” I complained about eye pain. He rubbed them with his hand, saying: “Believe, and according to your faith it will be given to you.” My eyes stopped hurting. Father performed the entire prayer service on his knees and with tears asked the Lord to grant me physical healing, spiritual enlightenment, grace-filled illumination and long-suffering. Having blessed the water and allowing him to venerate the cross, Father asked: “How old are you? - and, hearing that it was 60, he smiled and somehow said especially convincingly: “No, not 60, but 50.” And when I repeated that I was 60 and that I needed to prepare for death, he looked at me wonderfully, mercifully, with a caressing look, and said: “Live some more.” Then he consoled all those complaining of any ailments: some had their heads wet with holy water, one lady who complained of terrible suffocation had his chest beaten, and she, happy and contented, said that she firmly believed that now it would be easier for her. Then Father sat down at the table and looked through the Moskovskie Vedomosti; Having read that the Sovereign of the deputation that came to him said that everything written in the manifesto on October 17 would be fulfilled, but that the autocracy, completely unlimited, would remain in all its power 571, he crossed himself, saying: “Glory to God!” In response to my statement that I was indignant to tears when reading that the priests were demanding changes in church services, permission to wear secular dress and remarry, Father said: “There can be no changes, neither in church services, nor in attire, nor in repeated marriages, since all this is contrary to the gospel teaching.” I said: “Dear Father, teach me how to stir up my conscience, otherwise I’m starting to think that I’m a terrible sinner, because it doesn’t bother me at all.” He looked at me affectionately and fatherly and said: “Try to take a good look at yourself, try to remember something from your life that would cause repentance and tears; read the holy fathers, remember the commandments and, in accordance with them, check your actions. Try to study yourself thoroughly, and your conscience will awaken,” and kissed me on the head, poured me tea from his glass on a saucer and handed it to me, saying: “Well, let’s drink to your health!” Then he treated everyone to fruits and tea, saying: “It seems like the whole monastery has gathered here!” Come, those who haven’t received it, otherwise some people take it twice.” And, turning to me, he said: “You know, when there are a lot of people receiving communion at my service, I noticed that some come up twice, but this is very sinful.” Father signed his card for me and began to say goodbye; blessed me and, looking at me tenderly, said again: “And you are not 60 years old, but 50,” and, kissing my head, he left. Extraordinary joy and happiness enveloped my entire soul, and I thanked the Lord with all my heart. Everyone present felt the same. During this time, Father served mass with us twice. Having received the news that my nephew was dying, I asked Father to pray that the Lord would send him what was for his good, and would not deprive him of the Kingdom of Heaven; Father responded especially cordially to my request, saying: “I will gladly fulfill your request.” Explaining the words of the prayer “May my prayer be corrected like incense before You” 572, he said: “Just as prayer, like incense smoke, rises to heaven, so our soul must always be turned to the Lord and must be just as pure and fragrant as incense smoke; and therefore we must take special care of the salvation of the soul, and for this it is necessary to resort to repentance as often as possible, so as never to remain unrepentant; unrepentance gives special strength to the enemy, and he takes possession of a person so that he is completely consumed by passions.” Today, while reading the canon, Father explained what he read; spoke about the persecution of holy icons and how the Monk Heraclius Decapolis, who defended the veneration of icons, suffered 573, and immediately explained to the people how they should treat and venerate icons, saying: “Icons should be looked at as a reminder of those saints who are depicted on them, and as a reminder of the deeds they have done, but by no means consider the icon itself to be the Divinity; and now there are those who completely reject the veneration of icons - yes, however, they reject everything and believe in nothing; “They have brought Russia into such a difficult state that almost everyone living in the world is a troubled sea.” And, turning to the sisters, he added: “Rejoice and thank the Lord that you are in the monastery, and do not strive to return to a world in which all concepts have been so distorted: some completely reject the veneration of icons, others bow to the icon of the Mother of God, considering Her to be God Himself, and there are also those who can and should be considered completely crazy: they allow themselves to consider the simple priest Ivan as a Divinity and call him Christ 574 ; these unfortunates are completely devoid of common sense.” After finishing the canon, Father went to visit the sick; saying goodbye, he said: “You don’t need to be sick,” and he himself stroked his sore cheek and patted his sore shoulder (which after that stopped hurting). Today, dear Father, he consoled me doubly: when he went out to read, he himself came up to me, blessed me, asked about my health and said: “The weather is so changeable, almost everyone complains about being unwell. Thank God, I feel pretty good so far!” While reading the canon, he addressed the sisters several times, asking them to fight passions, not to give in to them, but to try by all means to achieve the Kingdom of God, saying that the Lord is such beauty that no words can express it. When he said this, his face was somehow special, enthusiastic. During mass, he said a word on the text of the psalm: there is none righteous, not one, 575, and related these words to the present time, saying that it is the same now - they are carried away by pride, power, luxury, and God, who created everything, has been completely forgotten and does not want to acknowledge. After mass he came to me, served a prayer service and wonderfully, with tears, prayed for my sick nephew; He ordered many nuns who asked him to allow them to have an operation or see a doctor and receive proper treatment to prepare thoroughly and receive the Holy Mysteries on Wednesday, forbidding them from having an operation and going to the doctor. When I complained that despondency had come over me, Father put both hands on my head and, having sprinkled me with holy water, sat down at the tea table. I asked if he had read the book that was published by a circle of 32 priests about the issues that need to be carried out at the Church Council 576, he said: “It’s unlikely that this circle can offer anything useful,” taking the book from me and looking through it, he became terribly indignant and said: “Yes, they are proposing the separation of the Church from the state,” he clasped his hands and, taking a deep breath, said: “Lord, what a terrible time we live in!” What will it finally be? What a pity that now Filaret of Moscow is no longer here, how much he would have helped. It seems to me that all this will pass and a peaceful Christian life will come!” He thought deeply and then added: “Yes, maybe it will be like that!” He gave us tea, blessed us and left. On the third day, Father again made me happy: he came to me and served a prayer service; Having heard that despondency had attacked me, at first he said sternly: “How can you succumb to this feeling on such great days, because it is clear that it is from the evil one! Get him out!” - and so, very earnestly, I asked the Lord to save me from this feeling. But when I asked him for his blessing to go to Oryol completely, he looked at me sternly and said: “Perhaps go for a week.” I asked for his blessing, if not completely, then at least for the summer, he frowned and said: “Act according to your own mind!” And when I said: “Of my own free will, I don’t want to do anything, but as you bless, so be it,” Father became cheerful, praised me, kissed me on the head and, after treating everyone to tea, left. When I found out that dear Father arrived at the Abbess today, I went there; but the doors to his office turned out to be locked: I stood for a while and, hearing that Father was telling someone that he slept well today and did not want to rest anymore, but wanted to sit quietly and talk, I knocked, identifying myself; Father ordered the door to be opened and they let me in. He sat on the right side of the table in a blue cotton cassock and looked so calm and blessed. He stood up, greeted me joyfully, blessed me and sat me down next to him. He said about his health that it was a glory to God, only he was very tired, put his hand on my shoulder and, looking at me so kindly, asked: “Well, how are you?” In response to my statement that I was terribly indignant at everything that was being done, as soon as I read the newspaper I would become agitated, he said: “And I trust in the Lord, I think that when the Duma meets, real Russian people, believers, will be revealed, to whom the Lord will help restore order in the state.” At this time, my great friend and great admirer of Father Ch. entered. The priest caressed her, blessed her and, hearing that her liver was in severe pain, said: “It’s hard, but what can we do, the time is approaching, we must endure, such are our summers.” In response to my statement that Ch. loves everyone too much and suffers for everyone, which is why her liver hurts, he said: “Love is above all in the world; So, no matter how hard I try to acquire it, I still no, no, and I’ll get angry,” and added: “I’m an egoist!” Then I said: “What are you saying! You are an example for us that we wholeheartedly wish to follow; but, alas, we are far from succeeding in this; You know, priceless Father, what I thought: I’ve become so disgusted with this life, these strikes, expropriations, I just want to hide somewhere, get away from everything - bless me to enter a monastery!” He beamed all over and just asked: “Where to?” And to my answer: “It doesn’t matter where,” he said unusually joyfully: “I bless, I bless, I bless with joy, I’ve planned a good deed, you’ll go straight to heaven! We will gladly tonsure you, just as in former times princesses and princesses were tonsured; and at the end of your life we ​​will dress you in the schema, like Alexander Nevsky,” and again he added: “It’s a wonderful idea, I bless you with all my heart.” When I said that I was exhausted by the habit of weighing and thinking about everything, he said: “We were given the mind for this, to sort everything out and stick to the good, and drive out the bad.” In response to my request to confess and receive communion from him tomorrow, he said: “I bless you with pleasure, just make sure you check yourself thoroughly and get ready!” At the same time, he lightly hit me on the left cheek; then he looked into my eyes and again lightly hit me on the right cheek; then, saying: “It’s time for me to go,” he hit him harder on the back and shoulder and at the same time asked: “Why don’t you join in all my services?” To my answer: “I carry out your orders, I take communion every two weeks and confess every time,” he somehow said especially animatedly: “And you do excellently, you don’t need to do it more often; and I would not receive communion more often if I did not have to do so, thanks to my rank. You are doing great, absolutely fair and right, do this and you will be in heaven,” and kissed me on the cheek. Then he blessed and went to the exit. Coming down the stairs, he looked so radiant and happy; none of us had ever seen him as wonderful as he was today. All day we were all in a wonderful, joyful mood and all we could hear everywhere was: “How blessed Father is now, how could we always see him like this!” All my melancholy and despondency disappeared as if by hand and paradise was established in my soul. Father stopped by the abbot’s room: after greeting him affectionately and blessing me, in response to my statement that my legs hurt a lot, they were completely paralyzed, he said especially cordially: “Well, they are paralyzed! It's all from the weather, from these winds; the weather will change and you will feel better.” He said that today he served in Oranienbaum - bells were raised there in one church 577 - and that he was very tired; that he is going to travel for two months and will go on a large steamer across Lake Ladoga 578; doesn’t feel particularly good, old age is taking its toll; invited me to the dining room; there I had a little snack and drank some tea; poured it from his glass onto a saucer and handed it to me, saying: “Let’s have a drink together, dear E.V.,” then, at the request of Mother Angelina, he went to the site for the new house, blessed and laid the first stone; then he went to his room, asked the Trebnik, read prayers for deliverance from the worm and prayed well. Then he went with Mother Angelina and the nuns to the garden, sprinkled the cabbage with holy water and all the vegetables (which were terribly attacked by the worm, and after sprinkling everything was cleared, and the vegetables turned out excellent). Then he blessed everyone and left. Today Father served the last mass; said a small word about what “a great good deed the Lord did to all of us, sacrificing Himself for our salvation and how merciful He is that every day He slaughters Himself and gives His Body and His Blood to us in Holy Communion, and therefore how we need to be grateful and appreciate this ineffable mercy and thoroughly cleanse ourselves of our sins and passions when approaching this great Sacrament.” When I began to give communion, there was such a crush that I barely managed to take communion. From mass I returned to my place together with General B. to receive dear Father, who, as he blessed us, immediately asked the General’s wife if she had received communion, and, hearing that she had been pushed out, heartily regretting, said: “I have spare Gifts, and I will give you communion.” I thanked me with all my heart, and he kissed my head and said: “Well, now let’s pray.” Kneeling down, he prayed miraculously with tears, and we were all overcome by a prayerful mood. Having blessed the water, he gave communion to the general’s wife; then he gave communion to the seizure-ridden girl, kissed her and let her venerate the cross. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart and offered him something to eat; but he refused and began to offer tea. General B. asked: “Dear Father, how do you bless me: to resume my efforts so that they give me a community of sisters of mercy, or to leave me to the will of God?” He, looking at her especially affectionately, said: “Everything that is done is all for our good! Don’t grieve that you didn’t succeed, and don’t be particularly sorry,” and turning to me, he said: “And you return from Orel in a month.” When M.A. B. said: “Bless, Father, E.V. visit me on my estate,” he, turning to me, said: “After all, M.A. also spiritual." Then one woman came up to him and asked for a blessing to undergo treatment, complaining of pain in the insides - he, stroking her head, said: “Communicate more often, it will be better than any medicine”; and he blessed another woman to go to Paris. Then he blessed everyone, kissed me on the head and left. I felt not on earth, but in heaven; M.A. B. completely sympathized with me, since she herself experienced the same happiness and joy. Dear Father returned from his trip on August 2 and visited our monastery several times. Today a crowd of people gathered for his service, and at his appearance there was such a cry and noise of joy at being seen that I could hardly hear clearly the word he was saying. After mass in the Abbess, Father treated me kindly, praised me for spending the summer in the monastery and not going anywhere, kissed me on the head and gave me tea from his glass. Soon after this, he fell a little ill, I, alarmed, sent him a telegram and was happy with the answer. He writes: “Thank you for your concern about me. Grace and peace be with you." And he came to me. I was so happy that I cannot even express it; I bowed to his feet, thanked him for the telegram and for his coming to me. Today, when grief befell me - my only relative, my beloved nephew, died, I asked Father to pray for him and added: “I thank you with all my heart that with your prayers he was able to serve in the war, honestly and sacredly fulfill his duty to the Tsar and the Fatherland.” Father, listening to me, looked at me all the time with his wonderful, merciful, affectionate gaze and said: “He owes you everything, you yourself prayed well for him,” he kissed me on the head, saying: “Yes, thank God that he managed to return from the war in one piece and now, through suffering, prepare for the future life.” Kneeling down, he prayed beautifully with tears, silently turned to me and, crossing me, said: “May grace and peace be with you.” Then he sat down at the table, took a deep breath and said: “Oh, what a difficult time we are going through! The merciful Lord wants to cleanse Russia, and that is why he allows this Moscow revolution.” Then he consoled everyone, gave them tea to drink and, having blessed them, went to the abbot’s room to rest. I saw him off and thanked him from the bottom of my heart. On August 26, Father served and during the reading of the canon he gave a whole instruction to the sisters sent to the Vaulovsky monastery. He said that they need to try with all their might to correct their shortcomings and patiently endure all adversities, awaiting future blessings in the Kingdom of Heaven, which they will certainly achieve if they do this: they will constantly work and bear all obedience without complaint. Here, the Mother of God, with Her holy life, achieved such happiness that the Lord Himself was born of Her and She in the Kingdom of Heaven became higher than all the Angels, Archangels and all the saints. Since today is the day of the Vladimir Icon of the Mother of God, Father explained how this icon saved Moscow from the Tatar Khan Tamerlane, what a Merciful Lady she is, how many times She saved Russia from various troubles. Father also said a word about the great significance of the great sacrifice that the Lord Jesus Christ made for us, putting on our flesh and condemning Himself to suffer on the Cross for our sins, and with them he tore us out of the hands of the devil, returning to us the opportunity to earn the Kingdom of Heaven and bliss in the future life. How grateful we should be to the Lord and should only think about one thing, how we can please the Lord with our lives and thank for His mercy to us, trying to live according to the commandments and correct our vicious inclinations and shortcomings, and therefore “repent sincerely, with all your heart and, having been well prepared, approach Holy Communion more often.” After mass I was able to see Father in the abbot's room. He greeted me affectionately, blessed me, said that he was feeling better, and gave me some tea; said that he had visited the widow of General Min, that she was terribly grieving for her husband 579, he consoled her as best he could. Today Father poured the tea himself and, putting sugar in the glasses, said: “Let the tea be as sweet as it is sweet for us to be with our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.” Then he blessed everyone and left. During this time, I saw an extraordinary dream, which I told today to my dear Father, who visited me today on the occasion of my illness. I informed Father about my ill health by telegram, asking him to pray and receiving the answer: “By faith, may the Lord give you a speedy healing, I will come to you to pray” (on the same day I felt better, and today I already felt quite good); Father came and gave me Holy Communion with the spare Gifts, having first confessed. Although I was at his mass, thanks to the terrible crowd, I could not take communion there, but I listened to the wonderful sermon with great attention and remembered almost everything. He spoke about the importance of the clergy: “All true Christians, all, without distinction of title and position, are all servants of God and must obey the will of God. The Lord calls everyone to the Kingdom of Heaven through His shepherds. Pastors are all the clergy, starting with the patriarch, metropolitans, bishops; they are appointed to shepherd the servants of God and teach them; they have been given great power in teaching the Holy Mysteries of the Body and Blood of Christ, through which the Lord Himself enters into His servants and endows them with grace, with the help of which they can repel the enemy and improve themselves. How cruelly mistaken are all those who are sure that with death life ends completely and there is no punishment for sins. Everything that is said in the Gospel will all come true, and those who deny the faith of Christ and blaspheme the name of the Lord will face terrible, unimaginable torments that have no end.” As soon as Father came to me, I bowed to his feet, thanked him for the telegram and for the fact that through his prayers I got better. He blessed and asked: “What hurt you? - and, having learned that there was a strong cough and his chest hurt so much that it did not allow him to breathe, he became alarmed and asked: “Where did you catch that cold?” - he put his hands on his head, rubbed his chest and shoulders (I kissed his hands) and said: “Well, now let’s pray.” I asked him to accept from me a pink stole of my work and white vestments; he thanked. During the prayer service, all the time, on his knees, Father prayed with tears, saying: “Strengthen, Lord, the sick one, send her complete healing and reward her with Your grace.” His prayerful mood was transmitted to me, and I thanked the Lord with all my heart that I felt better through the prayers of dear Father. Father wonderfully confessed me, forgave me all my sins and gave me communion; I felt like the happiest of the happiest. After everyone had venerated the cross, Father sat down at the table, and I, standing next to him, said that I had seen an extraordinary dream: the Queen of Heaven, and another time the Savior, and I’m afraid it’s not from the evil one? He said: “What are you talking about! Yes, this is very good! Tell me...” I saw that the Queen of Heaven entered my room and, stopping at the door, looked at me with big wonderful eyes and said something a lot, but I forgot everything. I was filled with extraordinary joy, fell at Her feet, and heard Her say: “I will come to you tomorrow,” and with this I woke up in such a joyful and wonderful mood, as if all this had happened in reality. Father said so cheerfully: “Thank the Lord that He consoles you so much; This is a wonderful dream." Then he said: “With what pleasure I read the Moskovskie Vedomosti; what wonderful articles! The newly ordained vicar of Oryol, a former priest of Athos 580, said a wonderful word.” And he added: “He must be a good man that the Lord chose him for such a high appointment.” When I said that he is a really good person, deeply religious; But is it good that so quickly, in a few days, he was dressed in a mantle, made an archimandrite and immediately consecrated as a bishop? - Father said especially joyfully: “And they did it wonderfully; They knew that the person was worthy and useful, so why all this long preparation procedure? And it happened before that they were initiated just as quickly, without even waiting for a certain age.” I said: “Some of the monastics reject eldership, saying that a person must be saved by his own efforts, resorting to prayer and work”; Father even perked up, saying: “Why are they preaching Tolstoy’s doctrine! What could be higher and more useful than old age?” I asked him to eat something, but he said that now he doesn’t eat anything yet, he eats only the Holy Gifts. Then, getting up, he said: “Well, goodbye, dear E.V., thank you very much for everything, and the Lord will reward you for your work.” As he left, he blessed me and kissed me on the head. In October, Father visited us several times. On the 17th, having arrived in the evening, he made us all happy, promising to spend the day of his Angel with us, was in a wonderful mood and talked with us a lot about real life and about the terrible unbelief that had become so intensified, and, turning to me, said: “Imagine, E.V., I recently had to see my former professor of the Academy, who was a wonderful man and a wonderful professor, and now, a gray-haired old man, suddenly says that There is no God, and he speaks such nonsense that it is impossible to listen, that this is only done here?! What will happen to our completely spoiled youth?! After all, you can’t return this young perverted generation to the true path, and by remaining so perverted, how many troubles they will cause, he took a deep breath and, crossing himself, said: “And God grant that as soon as possible - you and I don’t have long to live - everything that is written in the Holy Gospel will come true.” I asked Father if he could explain to me why the Jews were especially angry with the Lord and wanted to stone Him when He said that the prophet Elijah was sent only to one widow of Sarepta 581? “With this He exposed them, showing that everyone else was so bad that only she alone pleased the Lord and one other person to whom the prophet Elisha was sent,” said Father and added: “And you understand the words of the Savior: “Whoever wants to be My disciple and follow Me, let him take up his cross and hate his father and mother?” 582 I said, “Oh, yes! I understand that. By surrendering to the Lord Jesus Christ, of course, you will forget everything and everyone.” Father approved of me and continued: “It often happens that a mother or father turns out to be an unbeliever and completely walking the wrong path as Christ commanded; such people should be hated!” On the 18th, Father was invited to serve at Sennaya, where he went, having read the canon with us, but as soon as the bell rang for mass, he returned and began to serve mass with us. It turned out that the rector of that church, Nikolsky, insulted Father, and he did not serve the Liturgy in the Sennovsky church 583. It was clear from the face of dear Father that he was very pleased that the Lord had spared him from such service. Father served with extraordinary enthusiasm and said the word! Although Father expressed the desire that there would be no special preparations on the day of his Angel, the dean came to the all-night vigil with his deacons and served himself. Father went out to read on the soleya; The all-night vigil was very solemn; reading the canon, Father looked so cheerful; my heart rejoiced looking at him: he seemed to be 20 years younger; I read the Gospel myself. After the all-night vigil, everyone went to the abbot's room to congratulate Father. There, tables were set up in the hall and tea and snacks were prepared. When Father came out, so cheerful, they began to congratulate him and bring him various gifts, they brought him a wonderful Gospel and a pectoral cross. He thanked everyone and conveyed everything to Mother Angelina, I also managed to congratulate him and receive his blessing. Then he sat down at the table, began to treat everyone to tea and tried to treat everyone kindly and show attention to everyone; then, saying that he needed to prepare for tomorrow’s service, he blessed everyone and went home. The mass turned out to be unusually solemn; a dean, an archimandrite, 19 priests and 6 deacons served with Father; Father was delightful, he was beaming, his eyes seemed big and shiny. The whole service went wonderfully, I felt so good, I just wanted to pray. Father said a short word about the meaning of faith and the importance of Holy Communion and then gave communion to a very few people, including me; Having accepted the Holy Mysteries, I felt so happy. At the end of the prayer service, I went to the abbot’s room, since I had an invitation card from Mother Angelina; I had to sit at the same table with dear Father and opposite him, between Archpriest Kosukhin 584 and Father Alexander Gavrilovich Karataev 585. The priest himself treated everyone, he himself poured wine for the priests and me, and, serving it to Father Alexander, said: “Here, my old friend, drink for your health.” Then, when he began to distribute fruit, there was such a crush that the archimandrite, who was sitting next to Father, stood up and left, fearing to be crushed. Father himself gave me grapes and an apple; when he left, I managed to push through, and I received his blessing; After kissing my hand, I returned home the happiest of the happiest. Father again served mass with us and said a wonderful word about how we should appreciate and be grateful to the Lord Jesus Christ for sacrificing Himself for us and thereby atoning for our sins; how we must constantly remember this and thank the Lord, trying with all our might to correct our shortcomings, constantly asking forgiveness from the Lord, with the firm intention not to sin in the future. He explained that the Old Testament sacrifices of calves were a prototype of the death and Resurrection of the Savior. Then, in the abbot's room, Father consoled his beloved niece Anna Semyonovna Ornatskaya, who had just buried her newborn baby and was greatly grieving. He said that there is no need to grieve, this is a great sin: “He feels good there, he is praying for you there,” and suddenly, turning to me, he asked: “What time is it for you?” - I looked, it turned out that the clock had stopped at five, and when I sadly said that my clock was also standing, he somehow said especially cheerfully: “Yes, you yourself are standing!” - He treated everyone to tea, blessed them, said goodbye and left. Father served mass in the small church of St. John of Rylsky, I stood in the corridor opposite the Royal Doors. Father, reading the canon, turned to the people and said: “Look, listen carefully,” and began to explain what the heresy of Arius and Macedonia was and how many were carried away by it, recognizing the Lord Jesus Christ not as God, but as an ordinary person: “And now Tolstoy preaches the same thing and has already destroyed how many!” See, know and love one Lord Jesus Christ and believe that in Him alone we live; He sacrificed Himself to God and opened the doors of the Kingdom of Heaven to us, and we must be eternally grateful to Him, love Him with all the strength of our souls, remember and fulfill all His commandments and firmly believe that He is near us and is always ready to help us, as long as we remain firm believers and constantly repent sincerely of all our sins.” At the end of the canon, when he came out with the clergy, he prayed and then, bowing to the people, he saw me and, turning to me, said: “E.V., if you are prepared, come, I will give you communion.” The Mother Superior's cell came up to me and took me behind bars. He was as radiant today as he was on the 19th. He said a wonderful word: “What would we do if the Lord had not sacrificed Himself for us? How we would have to suffer both here and in the future life if the Lord had not done this! The end is near, faith has dried up, no one thinks about anything spiritual; no one reads sacred books, everyone is busy with newspapers, and they only spread lies and sow confusion, and therefore it is necessary to approach Holy Communion as often as possible, having thoroughly repented.” I received communion beautifully and then went into the abbot’s room; Father came so cheerful, cheerful, blessed and congratulated. I thanked him for giving me communion, he kissed my head. Then he went into the dining room and sat down at the table, saying: “I don’t want tea, I’m full of Communion.” Still, he took a glass of tea, poured some sugar and said: “E.V., where are you?” - he crossed it and handed it to me; Having treated the clergy to wine, he took a piece of the pie, just tasted it and handed it to me, saying: “Here, eat for your health; How glad I am that today I was able to serve in this church, which was the first to be consecrated; I think you were at its consecration?” Then he went into the office and began to say goodbye; He blessed me so well that I felt like the happiest person all day. Today I had a wonderful dream. Father was serving mass with us, suddenly the dome opened, and I heard a voice from heaven: “The Lord hears the prayers of Father John and will send him and do everything he asks.” Since today is the day of my Angel, I really wanted Father to serve mass with us and I wanted to be the customer. I asked Pertsova to convey to Father my request that the mass be mine. Father really promised to serve, and I was quite sure that the mass would be mine; Imagine the disappointment when it turned out that Pertsova had found other customers. I was upset by this circumstance; although she was prepared, she decided not to approach Holy Communion. When Father came out to read the canon, I approached and, having received a blessing, asked him to come to me for a meal with Mother Angelina and received his full consent. Today he said a big word about sin, but since I was excited about other people’s customers, I didn’t remember it well. I only remember that he spoke about how Adam sinned and how his sin affected us all; from that time on, we became terrible sinners and would have completely disappeared if the Lord Jesus Christ had not been so merciful that He sacrificed Himself for us, giving His Body and Blood for deliverance from passions. At the end of the service, I went home upset, thinking that Father, who reads so well in other people’s souls, seeing that I had not received communion, would guess the reason and punish me and not come to me. And how happy I was when he came in to see me. I threw myself at his feet, hugged his knees and began to ask for forgiveness. He picked me up, blessed me and, kissing me, said: “Do you want me to join you here if you have repented?” I fell at his feet again and said: “I repent with tears and ask for forgiveness.” He, now putting on the stole, confessed me and so wonderfully communed me with the spare Gifts. Then he sat down at the table, poured a little wine into a glass, drank a sip and poured the rest into my mouth, saying: “Let’s drink to your health, and congratulate you.” Then he continued: “A deputation of Russian people came to me and asked me to come to the arena tomorrow for their meeting 586 - I promised, thank God, the Russian people are uniting! I myself do not belong to any parties, I belong to everyone who stands for God, the Tsar and Russia.” Having tasted a drop of everything, he said: “Now I have to go, I still have birthday girls; Thank you very much for the treat,” he blessed and kissed him on the head. I walked him to the carriage, he blessed me again and left. Mother Angelina told me the content of the speech that Dubrovin said to Father when inviting him to the playpen. “You, Father John, are the only true lamp of the Orthodox faith, which has been burning and shining all the time, and continues to shine and illuminate with your light not only all of Russia, but also other states. Everyone except you was worried and hesitant. Just as you began your ministry, you have been shining like an unquenchable lamp for 51 years, and we ask for your holy prayers and your support for our Union of Russian monarchist people, so that we can unite more and win victory over the internal enemy of our dear Motherland, strive for the good of our Tsar Autocrat and our Orthodox Church! And Father answered: “Russia is like a huge steam locomotive that was traveling with a train at full steam and suddenly went off the rails and broke into several locomotives; they began to pull back, each in his own direction, due to which the entire train stopped and could not move; Now it is necessary, at all costs, to unite all the engines again into one big machine, completely throwing out the bad ones and replacing them with new ones, in order to direct the train forward along a truly straight path. Real Russian people need to unite more closely and, with common strength, return Russia to its former place as the first power among all states and help our autocratic Tsar to establish order in it and establish peaceful autocratic Orthodox governance. May God help you!” During this time, Father visited the monastery several times and I was able to attend his services several times and talk with him in the abbot’s room: so, on November 26, when I thanked him for his visit, he told me about the meeting of Russian people in the arena, saying: “Everything was wonderful, the animation was enormous. I was very warmly greeted and seen off; I said a word that was received with great enthusiasm; Dubrovin also said a good word; they sang “Save, Lord,” shouted “Hurray,” sang “God Save the Tsar” and “How Glorious,” in general everything turned out excellent,” and added: “What a pity that neither you nor Ivan Nikolaevich were there, he writes down my sermons so well 588.” He hugged my head with both hands, saying: “You are smart, you have a nice head, you seem to be recording my words, - and in response to my statement that I was writing down everything he said and did, he kissed my head and said: “And you do great, you know how to express your thoughts well, write with God and print.” I told him about my dream, that I heard a voice from heaven that said that all the prayers of Father John were heard. Father crossed himself, went up to the icon of the Savior and prayed with tears and, turning to me, added: “Just as I pray at every Liturgy, I think that the Lord will really hear me,” and again he put both hands on my head. Then he blessed and left to rest. My leg hurt so much that I couldn’t stand on it at all, I lay down all the time; I was about to send a telegram to Father, when suddenly today, December 2, I heard that Father had come to spend the night and would serve mass with us tomorrow, I wrote him a letter, asking him to pray, and sent my girlfriend, ordering him to hand over the letter and ask for my blessing. Soon I received a letter from him in which he writes: “Dear E.V., I have now received your letter and I condole with you in your weakness. I earnestly pray to the Lord for your speedy healing. He alone is quick to intercede for all those who resort to Him in faith. Please come tomorrow to hear the canon, and if possible, the Divine Liturgy.” I was delighted, thanked the Lord with all my heart for comforting me so much, and asked him to give me the strength to fulfill Father’s order tomorrow. And - lo and behold! – having slept well, I woke up completely healthy; I went to the church without any help, climbed the stairs, and when dear Father came to read the canon, I thanked him for the healing with tears in my eyes: “I can’t find words how to express all my gratitude to you, that through your holy prayers the Lord did a miracle with me: yesterday I couldn’t get up, but today I came to church myself and I feel that I can stand.” He said so cheerfully: “The Lord helped you because of your faith,” he put his hand on my head and blessed me to receive communion. While reading the canon, he turned to the sisters and said: “Remember well what I tell you. You must be like the Angels and be as unquestioningly obedient as they are. Just as in the angelic rank there are Angels, Archangels, Cherubim and Seraphim, and all ranks unquestioningly obey one another and the Lord, as the Head of everything, and our Guardian Angels strictly obey, never dare to disobey, and it never even occurs to them - so you, dear sisters, having accepted the angelic rank, even on earth should be obedient to your elders, friendly with each other and are condescending to each other, trying to please each other, and not quarrel or act out of spite. You must be humble, meek, gentle, and imitate your Guardian Angels. Listen carefully! This is how the holy fathers taught: one monk dozed off while reading; the elder came up and hit him on the cheek; he not only was not offended, but after that incident he completely corrected himself and became a very zealous, real novice, fully aware that the elder had every right to do so, and thanked him for his science, asking him for forgiveness. This is the kind of obedience a monk should have!” During mass he said a word based on the Gospel of Luke: Fear not, little flock! for it has been your Father's pleasure to give you the Kingdom 589 . “With these words, the Lord convinces His followers not to be afraid of the consequences that are the lot of people who do not think much about the future and think only about pleasing the flesh, but who nevertheless seek the Kingdom of God with all their souls. Don't be afraid! - He says to such people. The Lord will give the Kingdom that He promised to those who love Him. The Lord always knocks on the doors of our hearts through various circumstances - sad and joyful, through sorrows - and constantly calls for repentance and correction or gratitude. Be always ready, no matter what hour the Lord comes: work, pray, repent, do not become attached to wealth, or fame, or anything transitory or earthly, love the Lord with all your heart and all your soul.” I stood through the entire mass and received communion perfectly; then she went to the abbot’s room, where Father affectionately congratulated her on receiving the Holy Mysteries and gave her some tea to drink; then he went into his office and there he talked to us some more, terribly indignant that, thanks to freedom of the press, they write terrible false things and affect people who should not be touched. Someone present noticed that many were surprised that Father served every day. He said to this: “Thank God that the Lord gives me strength, and serving the Liturgy is my life, the Holy Sacraments support me, thanks to them I have the strength to do what I do.” Then he began to say goodbye, blessed everyone, kissed me on the head, saying: “Make sure you don’t get sick,” and left. There are no words to express how happy I came home. Father had been ill all this time and had not been with us since January 3, only visiting for a short time. I went into his office, he greeted me kindly, calling me dear, sat me down and said that he really liked Gringmut’s speech in Smolensk 590; that everything in it is true - deep, sincere truth. I said: “How hard life has become now, I think that our earthly life is a real hell.” He looked at me so affectionately and fatherly and said: “Yes, now this is probably really true: we are going through a terrible time, but you know, I am still firmly convinced that the Lord is merciful, will punish us, but will also have mercy on us, that everything will pass, and brighter days will come.” At this time, a young girl approached him and, showing him her fiancé’s card, began to ask for advice on whether to go out or refuse him, saying that he was a widower and had two children. He first said: “How can I give advice when I don’t know it, you yourself will know it well.” She stated that she decided to do as he said. The priest, hearing that the groom did not drink and did not play cards, said: “Well, go out with God.” She knelt down and he blessed her; then he blessed everyone present and left. Today he served mass, and when he came to read the canon, he affectionately greeted and blessed, saying a word, and explained the meaning of the words of the fiftieth psalm: Sprinkle me with hyssop, and I will be cleansed 591 . In the Old Testament, hyssop was a bunch of plant that was dipped in the blood of sacrificial animals and then sprinkled on all those praying; The prophet David foresaw under hyssop the sacrifice that the Lord Jesus Christ would make for us, crucifying His flesh on the Cross, and gives us the sprinkling of His Blood through the Sacrament of Holy Communion. At the end of mass, I went to the abbot's room; I told Father that I, too, had been suffering from severe bronchitis all this time, and asked him to pray; then she gave him a letter from Mother Antonia from Orel, in which she complains about various sorrows and asks me to come to her. Father kindly said to me, saying: “I myself am a little sick, but more lazy. You know what I’ll tell you: sitting for so long is not good, it’s not good. I allowed myself an extra hour to sleep and noticed that without activity you become somehow weak and don’t have that energy. I served the Liturgy unfailingly, and this was the only thing that supported me. My illness cannot stand frost.” He began to read the letter and from the very first lines he became agitated, saying: “Well, even such an old woman is not left alone,” and, turning to me, he said decisively and even commandingly: “Tomorrow, be sure to go, comfort and reassure Mother Antonia; I bless you; you will get better there, your illness will pass, go with God, calm the old lady down, and I will pray for you. Give her my bow and blessing, - he kissed me on the head and blessed me with a full cross. “And when you console me, come back, don’t stay there.” I accompanied him to the carriage, he blessed him again and, saying: “Goodbye, dear E.V.”, he left. Having had a wonderful trip to Oryol, on the 12th I had the good fortune to see dear Father and thank him for his holy prayers, through which I recovered. Father was delighted to see me and said: “Ah! Hello, my dear, how did you go? I received your telegram about your ill health and thought that you probably wouldn’t return.” I kissed his hand, saying: “You, dear Father, resurrected me with your prayers; I had terrible stomach pains with a temperature of 39.5 and a pulse of 94.” He shook his head, saying, “Oh! ABOUT! Seriously: well, tell me.” I gave him a letter from Mother Superior Antonia, in which she thanks him for sending me to her. Father, having read the letter, said: “Thank God that you managed to console her and help her in establishing peace,” he blessed me to commune with him tomorrow and left to rest. On the 13th, Father served mass and said a wonderful word that one should not become attached to anything earthly and should not succumb to passions, but should direct all concerns to how to save one’s soul and how to prepare it for the future life. “We must constantly remember that the Second Coming of Christ is approaching. There is no need to think about pleasures, but you need to be ready to appear at the Last Judgment.” I took communion, then talked with Father in the abbot’s room, received his blessing and returned home happy and joyful, and spent the whole day in a wonderful mood, and today, the 18th, quite unexpectedly Father came to me at 9 o’clock in the evening; Entering, he greeted me so joyfully and said: “I came to you on purpose to congratulate you on your upcoming New Year,” he blessed and handed me his hand, which I kissed with all my heart. He kissed me on the head, went into my room and, kneeling down, prayed, blessed me again, saying: “God grant you health; your telegram from Orel frightened me greatly, I was afraid that you would become seriously ill.” I fell at his feet, saying: “I don’t know how to thank you for your prayers, for which I immediately got up.” He said: “Give thanks to the Lord, who according to your faith grants what you ask for.” He sat down on the sofa and, looking at me especially affectionately, said: “How clean, light, warm and neat everything is here,” and he himself helped prepare everything for the prayer service. He said to himself that he now feels good, like an old man, of course. Throughout the prayer service he stood on his knees and prayed so much that it was felt that his whole soul and heart ascended to the Lord, with special boldness he asked me for longevity, health, enlightenment, wisdom, strength, patience and all prosperity, and he also warmly prayed for everyone present. Sitting down at the table, he began to treat everyone to tea; He said that tomorrow he would serve at the Bezhetsky metochion 592, and blessed me to receive communion with him, then he drank a sip of wine for my health. I asked: “What, dear Father, aren’t you worried about the State Duma?” - he, looking at the icon of the Savior, said: “After all, the Lord Himself knows what He is doing, may His holy will be done - I firmly believe that He will send us what will be for our good,” and suddenly added: “What a good thing you did that you gave up spiritualism,” and put a pen on my head: “Print your diary, I bless you.” I said: “I owe you everything, priceless Father, and with all my soul I thank the Lord that He sent me such a spiritual father in you! Thanks to your holy prayers and under your leadership, life is so good!” Then, having consoled everyone with a kind word, he blessed us all and left. I saw him off and felt in seventh heaven. On February 19, Father read the canon with us and addressed the nuns several times, saying that they need to fight passions and cleanse themselves of all carnal lusts, the Lord has many abodes, the earth is the smallest planet, what a mass of Angels and what a wonderful life they have! How we need to direct all our efforts to correct all our shortcomings, and for this we not only must not allow bad deeds, but we must also avoid all thoughts. Having finished the canon, he drove to Bezhetskoye, where I also went and, having perfectly defended mass, took communion; I spent the whole day in a wonderful mood. Since I am constantly sick and only through Father’s prayers am I constantly cured of one or another ailment, I began to worry about the thought of whether I was living correctly, whether the reason for this was the fact that I had not entered monasticism? I wrote to Father, setting out everything in detail and asking him to give me advice on how to continue my life. And today I was very happy to receive his wonderful letter, which I am posting here: “In Christ, my beloved daughter, E.V. I have just received your cordial long letter, I have read it and consider it my duty to answer you immediately so as not to be tormented by waiting. First of all, I thank you for the truly kindred, holy feelings towards me that the Lord put into your heart, and then for the trust in me as a priest with which you bestow upon me. “Is this how I live?” - to answer this question for you, I will take from your letter the words that will prove that you (or you) live according to the will of God and for your own great good - for eternity. You yourself write to me that you are happy in our monastery, peacefully, contentedly, that you live, as it were, on some kind of oasis: there are storms and unrest all around, but they do not concern you, and - thank God! This means you are in a quiet haven. What could you ask for better? Where in the world or anywhere else will you find such an invaluable benefit? Didn’t the Lord Himself show you this spiritual haven, and if so, then live in it until the end of your quiet life; following the example of our other nuns, princesses and duchesses, or the Grand Duchess of our time Alexandra Petrovna 593, entrust yourself completely to Christ, taking a vow of complete devotion to Him and taking monastic vows. Dispose of the property at your own discretion; You generously endure various illnesses like a cross sent to you from God to cleanse your sins and teach you patience. It is said: with your patience save your souls 594 - without patience no one will be saved. If you accept my advice, then dispose of yourself, your property, without delaying for long, for the hour of God’s will is unknown. Not today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, a voice will be heard: behold, the Bridegroom comes, come to meet Him 595. Your humble servant and humble prayer book, sinful priest John Sergiev.” I had just read this letter when I received notification that His Eminence Metropolitan Anthony will receive me today at 5 o’clock. I went and was happy by his kind reception and cordial attitude towards my request; bowed at his feet and asked him for his blessing to enter the Ioannovsky Monastery and take monastic vows. He asked so sympathetically: “How will you part with your pension?” I began to ask him to arrange for her to be left; The bishop was so merciful that he promised to work hard, but only stated that he could not guarantee success, and at the same time added: “Do you really think that monasticism will save more? It doesn't matter to the Lord. Write a petition to Abbess Angelina, and let her give it to me, so that you can be appointed a novice, and then, by Easter, you can be tonsured.” Returning home, I wanted to see Mother Angelina; It turned out that she was unwell and was not receiving anyone. Dear Father served mass in our monastery; coming out to read the canon, he affectionately greeted, blessed and patted his sore cheek; My pain immediately stopped, and I stood through the entire mass perfectly. Speaking the word, Father explained the meaning of today's Sunday - the Triumph of Orthodoxy: it was established in memory of the restoration of the veneration of icons that were persecuted, and added: “It is necessary to venerate holy icons; Looking at them, we remember all the saints, all our prayer books, who now intercede for us before the Throne of the Most High. We now live in a time when sects have multiplied - Pashkovites, Tolstoyans and others, who distract believers from Christ by preaching false satanic teachings. God forbid you, sisters and brothers, to listen to these teachings and believe those who spread them; adhere to the Orthodox faith, fulfilling all the instructions of the Church, venerating holy icons and approaching Holy Communion often, but with dignity, and the Merciful Lord will honor you with the Kingdom of Heaven.” At the end of the service, I went to the abbess; when Father came into the office, he greeted me affectionately, sat me down and said: “What a great good our Merciful Lord has done for us, giving us His Blood and Flesh in Holy Communion! What kind of support is this for us? Do you believe it, E.V., I only live by Communion and every time after receiving the Holy Mysteries I feel that I am renewed, strengthened spiritually and physically; are strength and wonderful mood. What pathetic Lutherans and Catholics are: their communion is not full, and therefore they are probably deprived of this happiness.” Then he said that he was going to Ustyuzhna 597, began to say goodbye, blessed him and left. Today Father visited me; He wonderfully served a prayer service, with tears asked the Lord and the Queen of Heaven to reward me with grace, so that it would revive and strengthen me in patience and endurance of labor and would heal all my ailments, and sprinkled me very abundantly with holy water. Then he sat down at the table and began to serve him tea; I knelt down next to him, but he picked me up and sat me down next to me, hugged me and, looking at me especially affectionately, said: “After all, Moscow introduced me to you, dear E.V.!” In response to my statement that it has been 20 years since I gave him my will, Father said: “Well, now I will forge you, like they forge iron on an anvil!” To this I said: “I am so ready to fulfill your will that if you had said, throw yourself into Karpovka now, I would, without hesitation, do it now.” Father leaned back in his chair and beamed all over; handed me a saucer of tea, cheerfully saying: “Drink to your health, my dear,” then he handed it to Mrs. Ch., saying: “I constantly remember your husband.” When she answered: “I live only for you, Father,” he said: “Not by me, but by the Lord,” he treated everyone kindly, consoled, blessed and left. Having learned that Father had arrived at the Abbess, I went into his office and congratulated him on the holiday, he said Christ, graciously accepted from me the embroidered two shrouds of my work and the monstrance and praised the work, saying: “Yes, with these shrouds you will earn the Kingdom of Heaven for yourself,” he kissed him on the head and, sitting down next to him, said: “Do you know how I fell ill on the 23rd; It was the king's day 598, and although I already felt very unwell, I considered it my duty on this day to certainly serve mass and pray thoroughly for the Queen and the Tsar. I performed the service with great difficulty, and at the end I became so terribly weak that I fell while leaving the church. Now I feel, thank God, a little better, I need to eat less; worldly people get sick so often because they burden their stomachs, so I ate too much, and that’s why I felt unwell; but how a person needs little to exist!” He began to complain of extreme thirst and ate a piece of orange and gave a piece to Cheltsova. At this time, one of his admirers came up to him and brought him a large basket of fruit, congratulated him on the holiday and began to reprimand him that he does not take care of himself at all, never rests, and as soon as he leads such a life, it is simply amazing! Father smiled, saying: “I sleep well at night and am refreshed.” In response to her objection that at night he probably still prays, Father said: “Well, no, unless I can’t sleep, I’ll pray while sitting.” She continued: “And now, it’s clear that you are terribly tired, but still allowed us to come to you, of course, we see that you are tired and we feel terribly sorry for you, but do you believe it, dear Father, I just want to look at you and receive your blessing, because through your prayers we become completely different; we correct ourselves, we begin to love the Lord, we begin to fulfill the commandments properly. Even children! How they love you: my sick son, for whom you pray for Christ’s sake, Father, always asks: “Mommy, read Father’s book to me!” He smiled kindly and kindly and said: “Your trust and love for me is what gives me the strength to endure fatigue. I see that the children love me, they always tenderly extend their hands to me; and how pleasant this sincere, pure love of theirs pleases me! For all this I constantly thank the Lord, I am comforted and strengthened.” Then, saying that he was cold, he went into his bedroom, put on his fur coat, then sat down, ordered tea to be served and began to treat everyone; pouring from his glass onto a saucer and handing it to me, he said: “Well, let’s drink, dear E.V., with God’s blessing!” He consoled everyone and, saying that he was very tired, blessed them and went home; suddenly he returned, took a wonderful apple out of his pocket and handed it to me; I kissed my hand and, saying goodbye to Mother Angelina and everyone, returned home happy. On the 26th, I got up early and went to church. Matins has already begun; the service was unusually solemn; The priest sang with the clergy, walked around with a three-candlestick, saying: “Christ is risen.” He said a good word to the Lord’s conversation with Nicodemus. “When Prince Nicodemus came to talk with the Lord, being firmly convinced that he, as a blood Jew and a descendant of Abraham, must certainly inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, the Lord told him that he was cruelly mistaken in thinking so; in order to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, you need to be reborn from above, that is, leave the completely old person and turn into a new one; get rid of all the sins that accompany a person from the womb and from which we get rid of in Baptism, but then we begin to sin again and here we must resort to Repentance” 599. And, turning to the sisters, he said: “Don’t think that you are sinless and that the doors of the Kingdom of Heaven are already open to you, but try to repent thoroughly, and resort to Repentance more often; and do this all your life until you completely throw off the old person and transform yourself into a new one, conquering all passions. “Then he added: “Having repented well, you can often receive communion.” I joined in perfectly and, having received Father’s blessing, returned home satisfied and happy. Father served mass with us and, although he was terribly tired, he still came to me, caressed me, prayed beautifully while serving a prayer service, blessed me to spend the summer in Orel with my beloved mother Antonia, saying: “She is such a glorious, wonderful, spiritual abbess and she loves you so much, you will be very happy there, give her my bow and blessing.” He said about his health that he was not feeling well again, and added: “The best thing is to feed on the Holy Mysteries alone,” and at the same time he looked at him in such a way that one could see from his eyes that the Holy Mysteries really fed him with their grace in abundance. He gave me some tea. He blessed one gentleman present here to set up a hostel for the blind, another, a colonel, complained that it was very difficult for him and wanted to talk to Father: Father answered him so quickly: “I know, I know, my dear,” he took out some amount of money and handed it to him, he took it; then Father handed him a glass of tea and brought it to his lips, saying: “Drink to your health!” - then he extended his hand to me, blessed me and went into the abbot’s room. When Father came out to read the canon, I approached him, asked him to pray for one sick woman and complained that melancholy had come over me; he put both hands on his head, stroked and patted his sore shoulder and, blessing him, began to read the canon; gave a whole instruction to the nuns, saying that they need to overcome all passions, completely remake themselves and become new creatures; you need to patiently endure all hardships and injustices, you need to cast off the old man and correct your heart. Then Father blessed everyone, gave them a hand to kiss and said goodbye; descending from the stairs crowded with nuns, he said: “You are a black hundred, but you must become white.” Together with others, I approached Father here; he blessed me and left. Today, before the start of mass, I went to dear Father’s office and asked him to confess me, which he did with great pleasure; I gave him a sheet with written sins; He, reading it, put his hand on my head and pressed it tightly. I asked the Lord for forgiveness with tears. After reading everything, he said: “Thank you for confessing and repenting; delve deeper into yourself and into your heart and try to find your shortcomings there, and you will have no time to deal with other people’s affairs. And now I forgive and may the Lord forgive you all your sins,” he knelt down and prayed with tears. I thanked him with all my heart and went to church. Father, coming out to read the canon, said: “Christ is risen,” - he blessed all the sisters and gave them to kiss their hands. Again he told the sisters that they must overcome all passions and follow the examples of the saints: what torments they endured and endured everything with joy. The Great Martyr Barbara was whittled with knives, but she endured everything and thanked the Lord; We are no longer subjected to such torment, but moral suffering teaches us patience and we must thank the Lord for everything that happens to us. He said a big word about how unhappy those people are who do not believe in the Lord and believe that the world happened by itself; what kind of future they are preparing for themselves, living only the present life, not recognizing the afterlife and the Kingdom of Heaven. “And you, sisters and brothers, believe that not a single line, not a single iota will remain unfulfilled 600 and all unbelievers will be subjected to eternal torment.” Having received communion, I felt so happy that I thanked the Lord with all my heart and spent the whole day in a wonderful mood of spirit. Dear Father left for Sura 601. I went to the station to see him off; such a mass of people had gathered that I barely made it to them; Father greeted him affectionately, blessed him, crossed him with a full cross and kissed him on the head, wishing him a happy journey to Oryol; I didn’t manage to talk, but I returned home happy that I had received a blessing, firmly believing that I would spend the summer safely. Having returned from Orel, I really wanted to see my dear Father, and today, finally, I was not only delighted by his arrival at the Abbess, but was also made happy by his fatherly, heartfelt attention, which surprised everyone present. Before Father had time to go up to the abbot’s room, the entire monastery and many lay people gathered there; all the rooms were crowded with people, in the office where he was, the door was locked, and everyone was waiting for him to leave. I entered together with Father Ioann Nikolaevich Ornatsky and stopped at a distance, in the hall, so as not to jostle. Suddenly the door opened, and dear Father appeared, so weak, thin, but pink and gracious. Immediately he saw me and walked towards me, spread out his arms and took me into his arms, pressing me tightly to his chest; kissed your head, saying: “How glad I am that I see you, my dear, my dear daughter”; and several times he hugged and kissed me like the most loving father; asked: “How did you spend your summer? How are you feeling? I bowed to his feet, saying: “I spent the whole summer well with your holy prayers.” Seeing Father Ivan Nikolayevich Ornatsky, Father also rejoiced at him, hugged him and kissed him, saying that he had a big request for him, that only he could entrust him with taking the relics to Arkhangelsk 602, and added: “Go quickly, I will pay all the expenses.” While talking to him, he kept his hand on my shoulder the whole time, while I tried to protect him from the onslaught of the crowd; Father hugged and kissed me again and, looking at me with his wonderful, merciful eyes, repeated several times that he was very glad to see me: I said: “According to your holy prayers, Mother Antonia has not yet died, but has begun to feel a little better.” To this he said: “Well, thank God, let him live a little longer.” The crowd of nuns pressed so hard that it was terribly difficult for me to restrain them; then Mother Angelina let me into the office, and she herself stood in my place and asked the nuns not to push, but to approach calmly and, having kissed Father’s hand, leave immediately. The singers began to sing, but Father did not like their melody, he said that there was little soul in it, and he began to sing; they repeated and he praised them. Arriving at the office, I cried bitterly, thinking that Father treated me so kindly because he was weakening and, perhaps, would not come again, and as if this meeting would not be our last. Father, entering, again pressed me to his chest, kissed me and affectionately, looking at me well, said: “How have you lost weight, my dear, beloved.” He said to himself: “I’m getting very weak, today I feel a little better, but the day before yesterday I became so weak during the service that I asked to be supported: I was afraid to fall. I live only by the Holy Mysteries.” When I asked why he didn’t answer my telegram, Father said: “I didn’t receive it,” and then, smiling, he added: “You see, I came to you myself.” Looking out the window at the praying mantis, he blessed them all; praised the painting of the nuns' new teacher, admiring the icons laid out on the table, and then asked whether the alley would soon be built. Mother Angelina said that they will start work in a few days. Then Father went to the dining room to drink tea; walking, he put his hand on my shoulder and said: “Come with me, my dear”; On the way, he caressed the monastery’s benefactor, Eleazar Mikheich, kissed him, asked how the work was going and whether the alley would be closed soon, and for his promise to do this, he soon praised and encouraged him. After praying, he went to the window and began to admire the garden and vegetable garden, called me over and said: “Admire, my dear daughter, what a beauty, what a luxury, how nice it is here, and how beautiful the Karpovka river is, and how wonderful the trees are, and the monastery is nice, and there is a lot of money in it, admire, my dear,” and kissed me. I kissed his hand and said: “Grant, Lord, that you be healthy, and without you everything is nothing”; he kissed my head again, prayed again and sat down at the table; ate a few spoons of fish soup and began to treat everyone to tea, saying: “Let the worker eat from his labors” 603. Then he began to say goodbye, blessed everyone and me, saying: “Goodbye, dear.” We walked him to the carriage; From the carriage he blessed everyone again. All the nuns and everyone living at the monastery are amazed at such special attention from dear Father to me and ask each other what the reason for this is. Throughout September Father did not come; I did not receive an answer to all my letters asking for a blessing to visit him in Kronstadt (because he was not given them). Today Father John Nikolaevich invited me to go with him to see Father. We made the journey beautifully; the weather was favorable, the sun was shining brightly, and the air was delightful. We came straight to Father, but he was not there: he went for a ride; His wife received us and began to treat us to tea. At this time, dear Father returned and immediately called Father John Nikolaevich to him and talked with him for quite a long time; then he came out, joyfully greeted me, blessed me, took me to his office and said: “I was always going to see you, but finally you came yourself, which I am very happy about. I keep getting sick; Today, thank God, it’s a little better, but what can I expect at my age? Old age is taking its toll, I feel like I’m moving away from you, and I want to go there, and it’s a pity to leave you all; You really feel sorry for me and pray hard for me; I would like to still serve you, but I feel that my strength is weakening: I can’t eat anything, as soon as I eat something, now I feel worse.” We sat at his desk in front of a wonderful iconostasis. I stood up, bowed at his feet and said: “How and with what can I thank you for everything you have done to me? Because you made me a completely new person?” Father beamed and, putting his hands on my head, said so cheerfully: “I didn’t do anything, it’s all the Lord, thank Him!” I burst into tears even more, I felt so deeply grateful to Father; Tears flowed, I could not hold them back and continued: “You made me so proud, proud, self-willed that I completely renounced my will and completely stopped loving the world and all its delights.” Father, looking at me just as wonderfully and kissing my head, said: “Thank the Lord - He, the Merciful, did this to you because you yourself have a wonderful soul, pure as crystal, obedient and submissive, you yourself have achieved all this.” He stood up and prayed to the Lord with tears. I asked: “What do you order me to do with my life? After all, I’m still getting sick.” He looked at me carefully and said: “Thank God, you look good.” - “Bless me to dress in a ryassophore!” He looked at me even more cheerfully and said: “Are you prepared for the fact that you will have to endure a lot of troubles? Monasticism is a great blessing; through it it is easier to enter the Kingdom of Heaven; if you want to enter monasticism, then take as an example the life of the Monks Synklitikia and Euphrosyne 604, and if you are not afraid of labor, then get dressed! I bowed at his feet again and thanked him for everything. I gave him the apostolic dress that Mother Superior Antonia had given me, and asked him to put it on me, which he did; took it in his hands, prayed, crossed it, put his hands on my head and prayed some more, crossed my head, put it on and, again putting his hands on my head, prayed; I read something quietly. I bowed down and kissed his hands with all my heart. He blessed me to take communion with him tomorrow. I sat for a while with my wife Batyushkina and then went to the House of Diligence, where they gave me a good room; I prayed beautifully at home, thanking the Lord with tears that He had deigned me to see Father and receive his blessing to enter monasticism; Now it doesn’t matter whether they dress me or not, I must already consider myself to have left the world; The Lord sees and knows everything, and may His holy will be done in everything. On October 4, being perfectly prepared, I went to the cathedral at 6 o’clock; I was given a good place not far from the Royal Doors, so that when Father came out to speak the word, I found myself almost next to him. He spoke a word on the Gospel of Luke, how the Lord pointed to the testimony of John the Baptist about His heavenly messenger and how all the Jews were silent, because they could not say anything against, and they themselves did not believe anything 605 - and added: “This always happens: no matter what you say to the unbelievers and those who are mistaken, no matter how convincingly you prove the truth to them, they all remain unbelievers. It’s like the Tolstoyans and Pashkovites: nothing can dissuade them; pitiful, unfortunate people themselves perish and destroy others, seducing and corrupting with their perverted interpretations of the Gospel and all Holy Scripture. Dear brothers and sisters, do not listen to these apostates, hold fast to our holy faith and approach the Holy Mysteries more often.” I received communion wonderfully and went to Father’s apartment, where Father’s wife very kindly received me. Soon dear Father himself arrived; greeted him affectionately, blessed and congratulated him on receiving the Holy Mysteries. Now he gave communion with the spare Gifts to one sick lady, who is brought in every day in her arms from the House of Diligence, and Father gives communion to her at home, then he gave her and us to venerate the cross, saying: “May the Light of Christ enlighten you,” he gave me his little book, making an inscription on it, and said: “I have fulfilled your request, dear E.V., and if you only knew how difficult it is for me to write”; He shared his prosphora with me in half, sat down at the table and poured me a cup of tea, saying: “Eat for your health,” but he didn’t drink anything, but said: “I’m terribly tired, I’ll go and rest a little.” I asked to bless me, saying that I was going home now. He blessed, saying: “Go with God.” I returned home safely and thanked the Lord with all my heart. Today Father again served mass in our monastery. Reading the canon, he turned to the nuns and said: “You must constantly repent, correct yourself, cleanse your heart from all sins; we must look at life here as transitional, we must not be seduced by it, it is only a preparation for the future real life, we will only begin to live there; and in order to prepare for it properly, you need to give up all your sinful habits; and in order to get behind them, you need to constantly repent and repent.” Father himself confessed several and said a wonderful, long word about repentance, beginning with the words of the Savior: repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand 606. Having received permission and blessing from dear Father to spend my Angel’s day with him, yesterday I and my great friend came to Kronstadt straight to Father; we found him sitting, in a cotton cassock with an embroidered belt, at the table, reading. I bowed to his feet and, kissing his hand, barely held back my tears, seeing how terribly thin he had become and how suffering and weak he looked, my heart ached. He greeted me so joyfully, blessed me and said: “You’re right out of the way, sit down quickly and have some coffee with me.” He prepared it himself, poured it and, serving it, said: “Drink to your health.” I kissed his hand, saying: “I don’t know how to thank you for blessing my Angel to spend the day with you.” He looked at me tenderly with his wonderful, kind eyes and said: “I am very, very glad to see you; My health is not improving at all: old age, weakness, everything hurts, nothing is getting better. I serve, but with great difficulty.” When I asked if he had read about the miraculous salvation of General Herschelman 607, he became so animated and cheerfully said: “Why! After all, the Lord performed a real miracle,” and crossed himself, saying: “Glory to You, Lord, for Your ineffable mercy towards us sinners.” Yes, truly everything that is said in the Gospel will come true: two will be together; one is taken and the other is left 608.” Then, asking me if I liked the coffee, he said: “And today I drank some coffee, otherwise I eat almost nothing: I eat only the Holy Mysteries and drink mineral water.” He immediately brought a bottle and gave it to me to try, saying: “The water is so tasty that I want to drink the whole bottle.” Suddenly he coughed and grabbed his chest with both hands: it was clear that he was suffering greatly. He stood up and blessed us, saying: “You will spend the night in the House of Diligence, you will feel very good there, get ready and take communion tomorrow, but I am terribly tired and will go to rest.” We held an all-night vigil in the Estonian Church 609 and, being well prepared, had a great night in the House of Diligence. Today, having gotten up early and read the rules, we went to the cathedral; but, seeing a large crowd behind bars, we remained standing at the candle box; my friend felt unwell, and we were afraid of the crowd and decided to ask Father to introduce us to him. After attending the entire mass and praying beautifully, we came to Father. When he returned, he looked very weak, but he joyfully greeted, congratulated the Angel on the day and, having learned that behind the crowd we were not able to receive communion, he said: “I will now give you communion,” he went to his place and, returning, gave communion to this poor sick woman and all the time he said: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us sinners,” - allowing us to venerate the cross, he shared his prosphora. with us; Despite his terrible fatigue, he sat down at the table and began to pour the tea himself and, as he served it, said in a very weak voice: “Here, my dear birthday girl, drink to your health!” Then Father served tea to others and to his wife Elizaveta Konstantinovna, while he himself drank only one sip; I poured everything onto a saucer from my glass and gave it to my sick friend. He looked so weak that I did not dare to say anything to him, but only internally prayed to the Lord to strengthen dear Father and save him from suffering. Then Father said: “Forgive me, I can’t take it anymore, I must go and rest,” and blessed us, wishing us a happy journey. We returned home safely. Today I was able to visit Kronstadt again; we arrived with the niece of dear Father, Anna Semyonovna Ornatskaya. As soon as we entered, Father immediately came out to us, smiled very affectionately and, turning to me, said: “Thank you very much for coming,” he blessed and kissed his niece. “After all, you are out of the way, sit down quickly and eat,” then he turned to his wife: “See that you treat your dear guests well,” and went home. We had lunch without him, and Father came out only towards the end of lunch and asked his wife’s niece to pour us tea 610, saying that he himself was weak and could not, that his health was not improving; praised priest Vostorgov, saying that he was a wonderful man with extraordinary eloquence, that he was Chrysostom, that he could bring great benefit to Russia 611. When I said that the play “Black Crows” had been removed from the stage 612, he crossed himself and said: “The Lord will not leave anyone, he will reward everyone according to their deeds, and everyone will pay cruelly for everything they do bad.” Thanking me for coming, Father blessed me and put his hands on my head. I kissed his hand and returned home happy and content. Having received Father’s blessing, today Maria Alexandrovna Boborykina and I successfully traveled to Kronstadt, saw dear Father and were honored to receive Holy Communion with him. The day turned out to be a wonderful, sunny day, we drove straight to Father; We were received very kindly by Father’s wife Elizaveta Konstantinovna and said: “What a good thing you did to come today; yesterday Father was very unwell.” He took a bath on the doctor's advice and feels more alert today. Soon dear Father, so thin and weak, came, greeted us affectionately, blessed us and said: “I thank you very much for coming, and I am very, very glad to see you; but I’m so weak that I can’t stay with you for more than five minutes.” I gave him several letters, saying: “Everyone asks you to pray.” He, taking them, wanted to go to his place - I said: “Dear Father, console us, give us communion, we are ready!” He perked up and said so joyfully: “Okay, but I can’t confess to you due to my ill health, repent well yourself,” and invited us into his bedroom-office. As soon as I entered there, my whole soul was overcome by some wonderful mood; Everything here seemed unusually good to me today, and I don’t think I would have left here. Father immediately put on his stole, took up the cross and, turning to us and looking at us with his wonderful eyes, said: “Repent well, try to remember everything, remember that when the hour of death approaches, how unbearably difficult it will be if you have not repented of anything, or have not noticed any sin during your life. It’s terribly hard when you see before your eyes your entire past life, all the sins, all the mistakes that you made without noticing them; oh, it's kind of hard! - and at this time tears appeared in his eyes, “repent well while there is still time!” Every word he said went straight to the heart; what a wonderful expression he had on his face at that time! He told us to read the necessary prayers and pray well with all our hearts; then he communed with us with the spare Gifts and prayed all the time, saying: “Glory to Thee, Lord, glory and thanksgiving, that Thou hast shown us such great mercy, giving us to partake of Thy Holy Body and Thy Holy Blood.” Before he began to commune, he covered us with a stole, saying: “All your sins are forgiven and forgiven.” Allowing us to venerate the cross, Father joyfully congratulated us on receiving the Holy Mysteries. Maria Alexandrovna, hugging me, said: “Dear Father, how glad I am that E.V. brought me to you; I’m so happy that I was worthy to receive communion!” He put his hand on my head, said, “Thank you very much,” and kissed my head. He thanked Maria Alexandrovna for coming and for her letters, which gave him great pleasure, and also put his hand on her head. For our congratulations on his appointment as a member of the Holy Synod, Father thanked 613, saying: “What do I need this for now, when I can’t go anywhere, I can’t say anything, and I can’t even hear well. I receive an invitation to come to a meeting of the Holy Synod, but where should I go? Well, what benefit will I bring to them? Nothing occupies me now.” M.A. said: “This appointment of you to the Synod pleased all of Russia, all real Russian people.” He crossed himself, saying: “Thank You, Lord.” In response to her question about how he looked at the upcoming Church Council 614, what his task was, he said that “first of all, he must be unanimous and, following the example of previous Councils, filled with the true Spirit of God.” Regarding his health, he looked at me sadly and said: “It’s not improving at all; everything shows that the end is near; After all, I’m 78 years old! My strength is all exhausted; Today, thank God, I feel a little better; Yesterday I took a bath, and it helped me a little, - putting his hand to his chest and stomach, he said: “Everything here hurts.” And now life is becoming more and more difficult, everything has become distorted.” Suddenly his face transformed and became so joyful when he said: “Oh, how I want to quickly be resolved and be with Christ.” Kissing his hand, I said: “And what could be better than this!” Then Father asked us to stay with him, sit with his wife and drink some tea. We left him happy and satisfied, and he stayed to rest a little; Today we can safely say that we have felt the Kingdom of God within us. Elizaveta Konstantinovna was already waiting for us in the dining room; Having happily greeted us and rejoiced at our joy, she began to treat us to tea. At this time, some man and woman were let in, and dear Father came out to them, asking what they wanted from him. It turned out that this gentleman’s wife was suffering from cancer in her neck, which now represented a huge tumor, and since, with Father’s blessing, she had refrained from having surgery for 10 years, and now the doctor demands it, threatening her with death, because this tumor should strangle her, she came to ask what Father would bless her to do. He rubbed the tumor with his hand and did not order surgery, saying that “I am confident that the Lord, in His great mercy, will heal her anyway.” (She completely recovered.) And he told her husband that a drunkard will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven; but still promised to pray that the Lord would deliver him from this vice. They left; Father sat down at the table next to Maria Alexandrovna and thanked her for her attention and for the bow from her brother Vladimir Alexandrovich Dedyulin. To my question whether he liked the new edition of Moskovskie Vedomosti 615, Father said with particular animation that they were very good; the spirit remained the same, and the editorials became even more interesting, and praised the article on the decrees of the Holy Synod on confessions 616. About Bogdanovich’s article he said 617 that “he already places too many hopes on the clergy. But where can the clergy cope alone, and even such priests as have been formed now? Our clergy is not what it was before: seminaries produce bad students; I think this is because people from all classes began to enter the priesthood.” Then Father blessed us and wished us a happy journey; we returned home happy and satisfied. On February 15, I again visited dear Father in Kronstadt together with the abbess of one monastery, Mother Afanasia 618. We arrived straight to the apartment; we were received very warmly, since we arrived with the blessing of Father, Father was resting, and we did not order to disturb him, we went to the dining room, where we met Father’s great admirer; I greeted her kindly and started talking. Soon dear Father came out; he looked terribly suffering, blessed us and said in a very weak voice: “Please excuse me, I’m terribly unwell, I can’t stay with you for now, I need to rest.” And when I said: “Dear Father, if possible, introduce us, we are well prepared,” he immediately perked up and said: “Well, come with me,” led us into his office, locked the door, put on the stole and, holding the monstrance, ordered us to bow to the Holy Gifts. We knelt down, and he, turning to the icons, began to read his wonderful prayer to the Savior, saying: “You, Merciful Lord, infinitely kind, loving us all, forgive them all their sins, confirm and strengthen them with every virtue and make them worthy to partake of Your Holy Mysteries without condemnation until the end of their lives.” Then, turning to us, he said: “Repent well internally! Remember all your sins and make a promise to improve”; He turned again to the icons and said: “Strengthen them, Lord, forgive them all their sins and comfort them.” He covered us with an epitrachelion, forgave us all our sins and again began to pray loudly, saying: “May the Merciful Lord reward your hearts with every virtue and may He adorn you with all beauty, as He adorned the Queen of Heaven with indescribable beauty.” Then, after reading the prayers for Communion, he introduced us; congratulating, he gave prosphora; Having broken the upper part, he gave it to me and the lower part to Mother Athanasia, saying: “This is the Mother of God.” He prepared the drink himself, poured a few sips into my mouth, and then gave it to my mother in the same way. Having congratulated us, he ordered the servant to prepare tea and asked for an apology that he would go and rest, since he was now unable to sit with us. “Have some tea and lunch with me,” we kissed his hand, and he went home. There are no words to express the happiness, the joy that gripped my entire soul; I thanked the Lord with all my heart. Mother Afanasia read the sequence for Holy Communion. As soon as we finished, Father’s wife came out to us with her companion. After greeting us affectionately and congratulating us, she said: “Thank God, Father is a little better today, but yesterday his teeth hurt a lot. Yesterday, when I.N. Ornatsky asked him for his blessing to come, he gave it to him so joyfully,” and added: “But how Father loves you, it seems he doesn’t love anyone else so much.” This was confirmed by the companion, and by Father’s admirer who was here, and by our mutual friend, saying: “After all, it’s clear to everyone that Father distinguishes them especially, but he sees that they have a pure heart and an open soul.” At this time, dear Father came. He looked so pleased, walked with such a radiant expression on his face; He ordered the table to be set, and he went into the hall. It was heard that someone asked him for duckweed; he now went to his place and brought a good cotton cassock and gave it to the person asking; he began to ask again, Father granted this request; having treated him kindly, he blessed and dismissed the one who asked. Returning, Father said: “Now summer is coming, I won’t need a warm cassock,” he sat down next to Mother Afanasia and began asking her about her monastery; he sympathized with her that it is very difficult to fight Catholics in the western region, saying that now this fight has become especially difficult, because Catholics are unbearably impudent with the granting of freedoms; he complained about the Teolin abbess that she had tormented him with her complaints about the poverty of the monastery, 619 then he prayed, blessed the meal and began to treat us. Having seated us, he himself went to the kitchen and brought the husband of his admirer; He sat him down between himself and me and said: “There is no need to stand on ceremony, sit down, dear guest, next to me.” He began to treat us, but he didn’t eat anything. At the end of dinner, Afanasy's mother asked him to pray for the sick treasurer and asked him to give her an epitrachelion; Father immediately got up, brought it and gave it to her. I asked about his health, he said: “During mass, when I celebrate the Liturgy, especially when I receive the Holy Mysteries, I feel very good: nothing hurts and my spirit is cheerful; but in the end I’m already starting to get so tired that I have to lie down; In general, by night I feel worse, and the pain almost prevents me from sleeping; and now I can’t talk for a long time, you’ll excuse me, but I’ll leave you and rest a little.” He blessed us, said that he thanked us very much for visiting him, kissed me on the head and wished me a safe journey. We thanked him from the bottom of our hearts and bowed at his feet. He left, and we sat and talked with Elizaveta Konstantinovna. Satisfied and happy, we returned home safely. Dear Father sent Mother Angelina a whole instruction to the sisters of her monastery on how to conduct fasting: “Most honorable Mother Abbess Angelina with all the sisters in Christ! May grace, mercy and peace from our Lord Jesus Christ in the Holy Spirit be with all of you who strive for Christ for the future life. The time of the Holy Pentecost has come, given to us by the grace of God for the complacent ascent of the Lenten feat. But what kind of fasting pleases God? There is only a fast that is pleasing to the enemy of our salvation, when we fast in quarrels, sneaking around, slandering, in judging our neighbors, and the like! Let us fast with a fast pleasing to God; true fasting is the avoidance of all evil, abstinence of the tongue, putting aside rage, excommunication from lusts, alienation of lies and oaths of crime. Avoiding all these sins is true and auspicious fasting. Remember this and, most importantly, do it. I regret that due to illness I cannot be with you and personally talk about the salvation of the soul. And it is the first and main goal in our life, especially monastic life. Do not forget for one hour why you have gathered and live in the monastery, why you wear a monastic robe, and certainly black. It means constant mourning, constant sadness for sins, with which we constantly anger our Most High and Righteous Creator, to whom we must give an account in our lives. So, spend the time given to you for salvation with the fear of God, and use the monastery as a quiet haven of God, in which the Lord sheltered you from the storms and worries of life. Every day in the world many people die from the delights of sins; and among you let not one perish. For you are overshadowed and protected by the grace of God. Live in mutual love. May God grant you and me to wait for the Passion of Christ and an all-joyful Easter. Archpriest John Sergiev." Today I received a letter from dear Father in response to mine, in which I asked him to pray so that I could achieve such a spiritual state that I could pray to the Lord for my enemies, as I pray for my friends. “Dear, highly respected E.V.! Thank you for your heartfelt letters, breathing with faith and gratitude to God. (For my part, I am not worthy of what you ascribe to me.) In your last letter, I especially like the feature that you wish and pray to God to love your enemies just as friends. This is purely evangelical, and here is a lesson for me, for I am a man with weaknesses. I wish you to spend Lent in the fight against the old man who sits firmly and works. May God grant you to come out of the struggle victorious with the help of the grace of Christ. Your humble pilgrim, Archpriest John Sergiev. March 4, 1908." Having received the blessing of dear Father through Father John Nikolaevich Ornatsky, I came to him and visited him today with our nun Nikodima. As soon as we arrived, we were kindly received and taken to the rooms of Mother Elizaveta Konstantinovna, who greeted us very kindly and attentively; a monk in the priesthood was already sitting here; As soon as Father appeared, he bowed at his feet, which greatly irritated Father, and he reprimanded him, saying: “I am a simple priest, just like you, and it offends me when they bow at my feet.” When we approached, Father very kindly greeted us and blessed us. In response to our request to give us communion, he said: “If you want, then take communion tomorrow at mass. I don’t feel good at all, everything hurts, and I can’t be with you anymore.” He asked the monk what he needed, and hearing that he was troubled by his thoughts and wanted to talk to him, he went away with him; but after about two minutes he apologized for his ill health and headed home. I went up to him, handed him a letter and an icon of the Savior, embroidered with silk. He took it, but said: “Thank you, but why? I have so many icons!” - and went to his room. At this time, the archimandrite arrived from the Most Reverend Nikanor 620. He and I talked about the bishop, whom I know very well and respect very much. Soon dear Father came out; he looked more cheerful, he sat down next to the archimandrite, spoke kindly to him and brought him his little book. We talked about Warsaw. Father said that priests and Catholics allow themselves a lot, but our government and clergy do not act as energetically as they should, which is why the Orthodox have to suffer a lot, and many convert to Catholicism. Having seen off the archimandrite, Father ordered the servants to prepare coffee and treat us, and he himself went back to rest. At this time, Baroness Taube, a great admirer of Father, who had been living in the House of Diligence for a long time, came to us and told me how she recognized Father and how he put her on the real path to salvation. Suddenly, at this time, Father came out, came straight to me and, looking at me so tenderly, wonderfully, said: “I read your letter - it’s lovely, how well written, what happiness that you understood and are experiencing this Kingdom of God within yourself, thank the Lord and know that this is all happiness!” He hugged me, pressed me tightly to his heart and kissed my head, saying: “Thank you very much for this letter.” Then he invited us to the dining room to drink coffee and said to Mother Nikodima: “What kind of obedience are you carrying?” And in response to her answer that she was at the altar, he said: “Well, be a permanent altar attendant,” and with this he greatly consoled her. Then he stood up and, apologizing to everyone, told me: “And you come to mass tomorrow and be sure to take communion with me,” he blessed me, let me kiss my hand and left. Mother Nikodima and I went to the House of Diligence. Well prepared, we went into the cathedral; the elder was so kind that he led us to the pulpit and placed us next to the choristers. Father came out of the altar so thin and weak and kissed the icons at the Royal Doors in the right aisle, but still today he looked more cheerful than yesterday. Although in a very weak voice, he spoke the word for today’s Gospel, where the Lord said to the Jews: he who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me 621. Father, pointing with his hand to the Chalice with the Holy Gifts, said: “Here is the Body and Blood of the Lord; whoever approaches this Sacrament is united with Christ; when approaching this great Sacrament, you need to thoroughly examine yourself, repent and make a firm promise to improve; since the Lord called this Sacrament food and drink, He Himself indicated to us that it is necessary to approach this Sacrament as often as possible. But many of us receive communion only once a year; There are people, especially among intellectuals, who haven’t even started it for 20 years (I visited one of them, and he refused to join; of course, I left him, feeling sorry for him with all my heart).” Father began to introduce. I was led forward, and dear Father, looking at me, said: “God’s servant Catherine is communing.” Having joined in, I felt so happy that I can’t even express it. The priest himself came out with the cross, but only allowed a few to venerate, and then handed the cross to another priest. From the cathedral we went to Father. When he returned, he was so weak that he could barely move his legs. He greeted us, blessed us, and, having congratulated us, asked to treat us to tea (a priest we knew from Moscow, Father Nikolai, was also there), and he apologized and went to rest. After some time, Father came out again; but he looked just as weak and said: “Well, farewell and forgive me, I can no longer do it at all.” I asked him to pray that I had a lot of noise in my head. He looked at me in such a fatherly way and put his hands on my head, saying: “You will be healthy!” – I thanked him from the bottom of my heart, kissed his hand, and he left. We immediately said goodbye to mother and returned home, happy and contented. Although very weak, but still dear Father today served mass in our monastery. As soon as he entered, after praying and venerating the icons, he turned to the people and said: “Whoever has prepared, I will commune everyone,” and, looking at me, he added: “And whoever has not prepared, then repent thoroughly from the bottom of your heart and proceed to Holy Communion.” He said a short word about how the Lord is merciful, that no matter how much we sin, He forgives us everything as soon as we sincerely repent from the bottom of our hearts; When he began to give communion, when he saw me, he called me by name and gave me communion before others. I felt incredibly happy. Then I went to the abbot’s room, and Father blessed me; then, going out into the hall, he asked the bishops who were there, the Reverend Hermogenes and Seraphim, to bless the meal 622; gave them a glass of tea, took a glass for himself, drank a sip, blessed, crossed the glass and, handing it to me, said: “Here, drink it, E.V., to your health!” I started, and you finish.” I kissed the outstretched hand, and he smiled especially affectionately. Then Father ate two spoons of pearl barley soup, saying that he allowed himself to do this “to strengthen his strength.” Turning to the bishops with the words: “Forgive me for God’s sake, but I’ll go and rest,” he left. Having received a blessing from the bishops, I returned home and thanked the Lord with all my heart that I was able to see Father again. All this time I was very bored, thinking that Father was getting weaker and weaker, and, apparently, his end was approaching; Without him, I really don’t want to stay here, since there is nothing here that would attract me, and I always didn’t like St. Petersburg. I asked one person, an admirer of Batyushkina, who was traveling to Kronstadt, to ask him for his blessing to leave me the Ioannovsky Monastery and move to Orel, to the Vvedensky Convent. She, returning, reported that Father, having heard this, was saddened and with tears in his eyes said: “Why should she leave? She knows how to pray well, let her sit in her little room; Why shouldn’t she be patient too? After all, I am tormented much more than she is!” - and sent me a nine-piece prosphora with it. The other day I went to Vaulovo, where Father and his niece A.S. are now located. Ornatskaya; I asked her to ask Father for my blessing to leave for Oryol. He listened to her with sadness and repeated: “As much as I endure, can’t she really endure a little? Let him do as he knows!” He didn’t give a blessing, but again sent me a prosphora. Today Father, having returned from Vaulov, came and served mass with us. I met him when he was going to church. Father had not recovered at all, he was just as thin and weak, but he affectionately greeted and blessed. There was a crowd of people, apparently and invisible; It was difficult to get forward, and I stood behind, opposite the Royal Doors. Although Father said a small word, I couldn’t hear well, because I kept thinking about how I could see him and ask for his blessing to leave. After mass, I managed to go into the abbot’s room and into Father’s office. Father came out, very cordially greeted all the admirers who had gathered to see him, and said to Mother Angelina: “My God, what a terrible mess they have created today! After all, it is absolutely impossible to serve here. I wanted to include everyone; but, seeing this terrible crush, I had to leave involuntarily.” Having asked visitors from Tsarskoye Selo whether they had managed to join, and having received a negative answer, he was saddened, saying: “What a pity that I don’t have spare Gifts!” After blessing me, he asked me how I was and how I spent the summer. When I said that I was still ill, that my hands hurt and were numb, he immediately rubbed his sore hand with his thin hand, and I immediately felt better. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart, kissing his hand. A merchant approached Father and began to say that he was praying to the Lord to extend his life, that everyone needed it so much, and Father replied: “No, now my end is near.” Father became very weak; Having said goodbye to us, he blessed me and went away to rest. I did not dare to ask him for his blessing to leave and returned home with the thought that it was certainly not God’s will for my departure. September 9, 1908 was the last mass celebrated by dear Father in our monastery. Father did not read the Canon, but went out with the clergy, venerated the icons, and the hours began. The service was solemn; several foreign priests and the mitred Archpriest Dernov 623 took part in it. There was a lot of crowding. I was so squeezed that I wanted to leave, but the nuns took part in me, led me to the Royal Doors and placed me so well that Father, when he came out to speak a word, all the time looked into my eyes with his wonderful, merciful gaze, as if he wanted to console me for the injustices I had suffered. I felt happy from his views and internally said: “Read in my soul, priceless Father, there is no falsehood there, and my conscience is clear.” He, looking especially cheerful, smiled, speaking about the great mercy and love of the Lord for us, that in Holy Communion He gives Himself all to us for our salvation. Having finished his speech, Father began to give communion; First he gave communion to the child he had baptized yesterday, and then to me. After communion I felt so good. Everything that hurt went away, and bliss poured into my soul. With all my heart, with tears, I thanked the Lord for all His mercies towards me, a sinner. Then I went to the abbot's room; They didn’t let me into Father’s office, and when he went out into the hall, he came up to me and, looking at me so kindly, said: “Hello, dear E.V., I congratulate you on receiving the Holy Mysteries!” - He blessed, prayed and, sitting down at the table, treated only one clergy. I didn’t eat anything myself; he looked terribly dejected and sick. The priest asked for an apology, saying: “I’m terribly tired, and you, please, help yourself,” and went home. Today Mother celebrated the day of her Angel, and Father gave her his pectoral cross, and also gave her a holy icon. Since all our hopes for dear Father’s recovery are not justified, when I heard that Father I.N. was going to Kronstadt today. Ornatsky, asked him to take my letter to Father, in which I ask him to finally express his will to me, what should I do with myself: should I accept monasticism or end my life in the world, and if it is his will, then let him send a blessing for joining the Oryol Vvedensky Monastery, since here, in Ioannovsky, Mother Abbess does not want to accept me. Today I was made happy when I received a reply letter from dear Father with the following content: “Venerable and beloved sister E.V. in Christ! I received your letter from Father John Nikolaevich Ornatsky and read it right away. Thank you for your dear words breathing with love. You ask me to express my decisive will regarding your spiritual fate, that is, tonsure into the cassock and into the schema; but I don’t have my own will here, this is the will of the monastery charter and the will of the metropolitan, not mine. I have not studied the monastic rules and am ignorant of them, and therefore I cannot teach you either. I ask you, dear E.V., talk about your monasticism in more detail with the Metropolitan. As for my health, it fluctuates: sometimes better, sometimes worse, depending on the weather. And after communion of the Holy Mysteries, I always become a different person - healthy and vocal, and in a good mood, and I willingly give communion to the people. I thank the Lord for all this. I am an old man of seventy-nine years old, but by the grace of God I still live and sing to the Lord, although weakly. Your pilgrim and spiritual father, Archpriest John Sergiev.” Having received the blessing of His Eminence the Reverend Metropolitan Anthony, I visited him today at 5 o’clock and was blessed by his gracious attention. After reading Father’s letter, he said: “My decision for you is to live as you live! Why do you need monasticism? After all, you understand that the cassock will not open the Kingdom of Heaven. Those who are convinced that only monks can be saved, well, that’s what they should do, but what should you do? Here's my opinion. My blessing to you - live as you live!” - He blessed me so well, placing both hands on my head. I returned home reassured: it means that I am not violating the will of God; I no longer bother about entering monasticism; after all, everything is done according to the will of God and the Lord sends us exactly what is for our good and serves for our correction and our salvation. Last date with dear Father. I received his blessing to come to him today. Taking my girlfriend, I left for Kronstadt at 7 o’clock in the morning. We came straight to Father. Mother Elizabeth Konstantinovna’s companion met us very kindly, took us into the living room and said: “Please stay with us for dinner. Father himself ordered lunch for you yesterday, saying that he wants to treat you on the day of your Angel. He has prepared spare Gifts to give you Holy Communion.” Soon dear Father came out of his room, and before I had time to approach him, he had already greeted him affectionately, saying: “Hello, dear E.V.! Congratulations on your Angel’s Day!” I bowed at his feet, and he said: “This is not necessary at all.” When I asked him to give communion to me and my girlfriend, he asked: “Are you ready? - and to my affirmative answer, looking kindly, he said: “I’ll be happy to join you,” and so quickly added: “Well, come with me,” and led me to the bedroom. He took the spare Gifts, ordered me to bow and, having given me communion, called my girlfriend and gave her communion. He gave me a drink, then let me venerate the cross. Father looked terribly weak; it was clear that it was difficult for him to hold the cross. Then he walked with us into the dining room, my girlfriend, having kissed his hand and thanked him, ran into the kitchen. In the dining room he said to me: “Dear E.V., have lunch with me today”; Having thanked him, I asked him to pray for our ill Archpriest Father D. Fedorov 624; Father said: “I will pray; convey to him and his mother my regards and regret for his ill health.” He told the servants to set the table, and he went to his room. While the servants were setting the table, the companion brought her wife Batyushkina, who has also been feeling ill lately, in an armchair. She greeted me kindly and congratulated me on Angel’s Day, saying that she was so glad that I was spending Angel’s Day with Father. Then Father came and, looking at me so friendly, said: “Well, sit down, my dear E.V., eat with me,” and sat me down next to him. There were also several people here whom mother invited to the table. Father turned to me and with indescribable joy said quietly in my ear: “You know, my dear, in three weeks you will have Christmas and celebration.” I looked at him in surprise, not knowing how to understand, and saw that his face was somehow shining extraordinarily. Then Father added, looking at me with the same radiant gaze: “Would you believe, my dear, that I live only by the Holy Mysteries; if they had not existed, then I probably would not have existed a long time ago.” He poured me a plate of fish soup and served it to me. Then they poured champagne. Father congratulated me and wished me health, and drank himself. Then, after eating a few spoons of fish soup, he stood up and, turning to everyone, said: “Please, eat, but I can’t take it anymore,” he blessed me and, looking at me so kindly, went to his room. We finished lunch, everyone left, and I stayed with Elizaveta Konstantinovna and her companion. Soon Father again went out to one patient and asked what she needed. She began to explain something incomprehensible. Father said: “I can’t hear anything, speak up!” Then she said that her leg hurt and she needed to talk to him. He replied: “You see, I myself am barely alive, I can’t say anything to you, forgive me and goodbye.” She left, and I went up to him and asked for his blessing on the way back. He affectionately blessed, put his hand on his head and said: “Go with God, I wish you a happy journey; convey my blessing to the father archpriest, his wife, tell him that I will pray that the Lord will send him health; I bow to all the nuns, my niece and Father John Nikolaevich and everyone living, thank you very much for visiting me,” he kissed my head and looked at me with a wonderful, caressing gaze. Finally, when I was just about to go out onto the stairs, he said again: “Farewell, go with God,” and went to his room. Although I felt happy and satisfied that on the day of my Angel I was able to see Father and receive communion with him, my heart was pinched by some sad feeling, and I wondered if this was my last meeting? Today Father’s prediction came true. Father died. Everyone was depressed by great grief; we were now left like orphans without a father. I, a sinner, despite all the sadness that I would no longer see him, inwardly thanked the Lord that He had sent Father the desired peace and saved him from all the terrible torments that he had been subjected to especially in the last period of his life. His funeral was so extraordinary that it was not a sad event, but an extraordinary, unprecedented celebration. Father himself lay in the coffin as if alive, only terribly thin, his hands were soft. I managed to say goodbye to him and kiss his priceless holy hand for the last time. Biography of Ekaterina Vasilievna Dukhonina Ekaterina Vasilievna Dukhonina (nee Kushina) was born on February 19, 1846 into a noble family; the name Kushina is present in the lists of noble families in Podolsk and Kaluga provinces. In 1865, Ekaterina Kushina married Russian army officer Mikhail Lavrentievich Dukhonin. The Dukhonin family belonged to the noble families of the Smolensk province. The young family probably lived in Smolensk for some time. In one of her conversations with Father John of Kronstadt, Dukhonina recalled the sermons of Bishop of Smolensk John (Sokolov), who occupied the Smolensk see in 1866 - 1869. For more than thirty years of marriage, Ekaterina Vasilievna was her husband’s faithful assistant. On March 27, 1866, Mikhail Lavrentievich Dukhonin was promoted to lieutenant colonel and was soon appointed chief of staff of the 1st Infantry Division. Since June 10, 1972, Dukhonin has been the chief of staff of the 15th Infantry Division, and since December 10, 1873, the commander of the 55th Podolsk Infantry Regiment 626. It was in this post that he glorified himself as one of the heroes of the Russian-Turkish War of 1877 - 1878, the defender of Shipka. Ekaterina Vasilievna decided to share the hardships of military life with her husband and, making incredible efforts, achieved permission to participate in the military campaign of 1877–1878. as a sister of mercy. She described her impressions of participating in hostilities in her diary book “Peaceful Activities in War. Notes of a nurse who was at the divisional hospital of the 14th Infantry Division during the war of 1877-1878,” first published in 1882 in the magazine “Russian Messenger” 627. About the motives that prompted her to participate in a difficult and dangerous enterprise, Ekaterina Vasilievna wrote: “I firmly decided to endure all the hardships and be truly useful to our division at the mobile hospital as a nurse. It was a lot of work for me to get my husband’s consent to this, and then permission from my superiors, but now I have stocked up on all this; If only my health could withstand it, it is not accustomed to all sorts of adversity, but I hope that for the holy work of serving the suffering, God will give me the necessary willpower in order to overcome all obstacles and honestly fulfill my service” 628. The young woman’s determination was caused not by personal stubbornness or special affection for her husband, but by the vow she made to God - to help the suffering, which she sought to fulfill at every opportunity. As a “fellow sister of mercy” at the divisional hospital of the 14th Infantry Division, E.V. Dukhonina went through the entire war and became a witness and participant in all the main events of the Russian-Turkish campaign of 1877–1878. Her name, along with the names of other sisters of mercy, was inscribed in the history of this war: “During the incredibly brutal battles and the heroic “Shipkin Sitting”, more than three thousand wounded and frostbitten Russian soldiers and Bulgarian militias passed through the hands of four sisters of mercy: Sofia Alexandrovna Engelhard, Olga Nikolaevna Yukhantseva, Alexandra Alexandrovna Teplyakova and Ekaterina Vasilyevna Dukhonina. all participants in the Russian-Turkish War received a commemorative medal, and nurses Dukhonina, Olkhina, Polozova, Yukhantseva, Engelhard were awarded special silver medals “For Bravery” 629. Another award that Ekaterina Vasilievna Dukhonina received was the personal gratitude of Emperor Alexander II. June 16, 1877, the day after the heroic crossing of the Danube and the wounding of Colonel M.L. Dukhonin, the spouses were introduced to the Tsar who was with the army. After talking with Ekaterina Vasilievna, the Emperor said with tears: “I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I hope you will not completely abandon this holy work for which I see you here.” Alexander II was surprised by the fact that Ekaterina Vasilievna had been married for 12 years. In a conversation with M.L. To Dukhonin, the emperor added: “Thank you, thank you both, you and your wife. I met completely devoted Russian people in you, thank you, I will not forget you” 630. In the evening of the same day, the Emperor sent Dukhonin the Cross of St. George as a reward. In her notes, Ekaterina Vasilievna appears as a decisive, active, selfless person, who, amid the horrors of war, does not lose either the ability to see the beauty of the world around her or her sense of humor. The experience of war became for E.V. Dukhonina’s experience of deepening and strengthening her faith: “Today a grenade fell again near my husband, but, fortunately, it did not explode, but buried itself in the ground; Soon after, a fragment of a grenade fell at his feet, but again it did not hit him. After all this, seeing the manifestation of God’s mercy at every step, how could one not become a deep believer. May the Lord maintain good spirits in the ranks..." 631 The service of Ekaterina Vasilievna Dukhonina was given a special drama by the fact that she was in close proximity to her husband, who participated in the hottest battles, and again and again accompanied him into battle, experiencing the constant “mental torture” of separation, uncertainty, and fear for the life of her “unchanged friend and husband.” Mikhail Lavrentievich Dukhonin and his “Podolsk residents” glorified themselves when crossing the Danube in the Zimnitsa area, during the five-month “Shipkinsky sitting”, during the decisive assault on Turkish positions by Russian troops on December 28, 1877: “After half an hour, the Podolsk residents moved to the assault with General Dukhonin at the head, straight along the highway about seven steps wide, to the right of which icy roads rose steeply rocks, and on the left fell an extremely deep ravine, covered with a snowdrift. This remarkable assault was carried out so decisively and energetically that the small assault column held half of the Turkish army against itself, preventing it from attacking our outflanking columns, which at that time also launched an energetic offensive. Thus, surrounded on all sides, the Turkish army had to surrender. In the Podolsk regiment, after this assault, only 3 officers and 235 lower ranks survived” 632. M.L. Dukhonin was wounded in the head. For his military exploits, Dukhonin was awarded a golden saber for bravery, the rank of major general (September 5, 1877), the Order of St. Stanislaus, 1st class with swords, and the Order of St. Anne, 1st class, with swords. Ekaterina Vasilievna learned that she had become a “general” only on December 14, 1877, three months after the order of appointment was issued. At the end of the war, April 7, 1878, General M.L. Dukhonin was appointed chief of staff of the 4th Army Corps, commanded by General M.D. Skobelev. The Dukhonin couple developed a close and warm relationship with the famous “white general”. Mikhail Lavrentievich was one of the closest associates of Mikhail Dmitrievich Skobelev and helped him, in particular, by writing letters and sending benefits to “retired soldiers, and bourgeois, and peasants, and priests,” who turned to Skobelev from all over Russia “with requests for benefits, then for patronage, then for intercession” 633. Ekaterina Vasilievna probably knew very well that her husband’s immediate superior never took his corps commander’s salary - “it was entirely spent on good deeds” 634. Perhaps the same trait of selfless generosity, readiness to come to the aid of all those in need, attracted her later in Father John of Kronstadt. In one of the conversations, Skobelev admitted to Dukhonin: “I envy you very, very much. You will return home, your family will meet you, and you will forget about the thoughts that worry you; moreover, you will experience a lot of joy, seeing next to you your wife, who did not leave you even on Shipka, and I?..” And during the last official report of M.L. Dukhonin to Adjutant General Skobelev on June 21, 1882, the latter invited his interlocutor and colleague to come and stay with him in Spasskoye with his wife 635. Apparently, it was no coincidence that in 1887, when a friend persuaded E.V. Dukhonin to take part in a spiritualistic session, it was Skobelev’s spirit who “spoke” to her: “... told me something that no one in the world knew except my husband” (see ... current ed.). The Dukhonin couple did not have their own children, but Ekaterina Vasilievna always found those to whom she could give her loving care. During the Russian-Turkish campaign, “a little Bulgarian boy of nine years old came into her tent and asked to take him to Russia to study.” Dukhonina happily agreed and began to worry about paperwork: “I don’t have my own children, and, surely, the Lord is sending me this orphan...” 636 On January 12, 1878, a soldier of the Life Guards of the Kexholm Regiment, Mikhail Saenko, saved a four-year-old Turkish girl, Aishe, who was adopted by the regiment and on May 13, 1879, baptized into Orthodoxy with the name Maria Konstantinovna Kexholmskaya. There is information that it was E.V. Dukhonina became the godmother of this girl and helped her throughout her life. In Ekaterina Vasilievna’s published diary, her nephew Vasya Kushin, whom the Dukhonins took into custody, is constantly mentioned: “After the death of my mother, we were left with her grandson, my nephew, the son of her deceased sister, whom we took in when he was not yet two months old; We made every effort and care to raise and educate him.” E.V. Dukhonina had the opportunity to live in different provinces of the Russian Empire. The headquarters of the 4th Army Corps was located in Minsk. August 10, 1882 M.L. Dukhonin was appointed assistant chief of staff of the Warsaw Military District, and the family moved to Warsaw. In the spring of 1885, a move to Vyborg followed, where General Dukhonin was appointed to the post of military commandant of the city. For the next four years, from February 15, 1889 to March 16, 1893, the Dukhonins lived in Orel, where Mikhail Lavrentievich served as chief of the 36th Infantry Division. Then a short stay in Moscow, where Dukhonin was chief of staff of the Moscow Military District, and a return to Minsk, where the general in the summer of 1895 received a senior appointment as commander of the 4th Army Corps. In Vyborg, Ekaterina Vasilievna Dukhonina, according to her own testimony, indulged in reading the books of Renan and Schopenhauer, and became interested in spiritualism, which was fashionable at that time. General Dukhonin, a deeply and seriously religious man, close to the circle of Slavophiles, well acquainted with I.S. Aksakov 637, could not have been close to the hobbies that arose in his wife, perhaps as a result of a long stay in the western provinces of the Russian Empire. In order to “somehow entertain and distract” his wife from these activities, Dukhonin “began to ask to be given another official assignment and transferred from Vyborg.” The appointment he was offered to lead one of the disorganized divisions could harm his career. At this difficult moment for the family, E.V. Dukhonina for the first time decided to turn to Father John of Kronstadt for help. Father John's prayer and response telegram helped resolve the situation. M.L. Dukhonin became the head of the 36th Infantry Division, which he soon managed to bring to “brilliant condition”; the family moved to Orel, where Ekaterina Vasilievna became close and became friends with Mother Antonia (Sokolova), abbess of the Oryol Vvedensky Monastery; and most importantly, the Dukhonin spouses developed a deep trust in Father John, which played a decisive role in their spiritual life. On July 23, 1895, a wooden church in honor of the Resurrection of Christ, built at the expense of benefactors - Lieutenant General M.L., was consecrated at the cemetery in the city of Orel. Dukhonin and his wife and the merchant Kaverin. The church was built in memory of Emperor Alexander III, pre-assembled in Moscow and then brought to Orel. Perhaps the Dukhonins carried out this project with the blessing of Father John, whom they met personally in 1893, when the family moved to Moscow to their husband’s new place of duty. On December 17, 1895, Mikhail Lavrentievich Dukhonin died suddenly. Since 1903, with the blessing of Father John, E.V. Dukhonina lived at the Ioannovsky Convent in St. Petersburg, although she did not take monastic vows. The personal archive of Father John contains several letters from his spiritual daughter, in which she asks for prayers for herself and her loved ones, worries about the health of Father John, and invites him to come to the monastery and visit her. Ekaterina Vasilievna tirelessly thanked her spiritual father for the saving path on which he put her: “There are no words in Russian that could express to you, priceless Father, my gratitude for all your mercies towards me, unworthy, and for your support of me, a sinner, in the most difficult moments of my life and at the present time, that you saved me from a terrible error and put me on the true path” 638. After the death of Father John, in 1909 - 1917, Ekaterina Vasilyevna mainly lived in Moscow and in the Oryol Vvedensky Monastery, but after the revolutionary events of 1917 she nevertheless became a novice of the Ioannovsky Monastery, where, according to some information, she was soon tonsured into the ryassophore. Interesting information about Sister Catherine’s stay within the walls of the monastery on Karpovka is contained in the investigative file of Archpriest John Davidovich, who served in the monastery’s churches, and was arrested on September 11, 1919 for “conducting a counter-revolutionary conversation” on a train. During the interrogation on September 12, I. Davidovich testified that on September 7, the “general’s wife” Dukhonina, the author of famous spiritual works, confessed to him. Previously, she lived on a pension paid for her husband, but after the revolution she did not receive it. Ekaterina Vasilievna’s son was killed in 639, and she herself, having become a novice of the monastery, apparently continued to write personal notes and memoirs. Sister Catherine gave I. Davidovich, as an admirer of Father John of Kronstadt, her diary about meetings with Father 640. The name of Dukhonina is present in the lists of nuns of the Ioannovsky Monastery for 1918 - 1920. and then disappears. She probably died within the walls of the monastery in the second half of 1920 - early 1921 641. Ved. – Gazette of the St. Petersburg City Administration and Police SAAO – State Archives of the Arkhangelsk Region GAYAO – State Archive of the Yaroslavl Region GV - provincial statements GMIR – State Museum of the History of Religion (St. Petersburg) EV – diocesan statements MV – Moskovskie Vedomosti full collection op. – complete works RGIA – Russian State Historical Archive (St. Petersburg) RO RNL – Manuscript Department of the Russian National Library decree op. - said essay TsGIA SPb. – Central State Historical Archive I begin my diary in 1887, when I lived with my husband and my mother in the city of Vyborg, where my husband held the position of Vyborg commandant... - Lieutenant General Mikhail Lavrentievich Dukhonin served as military commandant of Vyborg from April 23, 1885 to February 15, 1889. ...through reading Renan and Schopenhauer... - Renan Joseph Ernest (1823–1892) - French writer, historian and philologist. Author of a popular book in the 19th century. the book “The Life of Jesus,” which denies the Divinity of the Lord Jesus Christ. In Renan's book, Jesus Christ is presented as an ideal, perfect man. Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860) was a German philosopher who tried to combine the philosophical ideas of the West and the East in his works. ...Skobelev’s spirit spoke to me and told me something that no one in the world knew except my husband. – The talented Russian commander General Mikhail Dmitrievich Skobelev (1843–1882) was familiar with the Dukhonin family since the Russian-Turkish War of 1877–1878. At the end of the war, April 7, 1878, General M.L. Dukhonin was appointed chief of staff of the IV Army Corps, commanded by General M.D. Skobelev. For a long time, the Minister of War did not agree... - From January 1, 1882 to January 1, 1898, the Minister of War of Russia was Infantry General Pyotr Semenovich Vannovsky (1822–1904). ...but finally invited him to accept the division in the city of Orel, a division that was terribly upset... - We are talking about the 36th Infantry Division, whose headquarters was in the city of Orel. Lieutenant General M.L. Dukhonin was appointed to the leadership of this division on February 15, 1889. In 1890, when my husband was appointed chief of staff of the Moscow district... - E.V. Dukhonina mistakenly indicates the year of her husband’s appointment to the post of chief of staff of the Moscow Military District. According to the service record of General M.L. Dukhonin, this appointment took place on March 16, 1893 (List of generals by seniority. Compiled on September 1, 1893. St. Petersburg, 1893. P. 203.) ...I met S.Ya. Burkhgard, who always travels with Father to Moscow... - Sofya Yakovlevna Burkhgard, the spiritual daughter of Father John, his correspondent since the late 1890s, lived in Moscow on Myasnitskaya Street in her own house. ...my husband is appointed corps commander in Minsk... - In the summer of 1895, Lieutenant General M.L. Dukhonin was appointed commander of the IV Army Corps, whose headquarters were in Minsk. This transfer of service prompted an invitation to Father John to the Dukhonins’ house: “The last time he saw my husband was in 1895, when we asked Father to come to us to consult with him and receive his blessing for a new life and to move to Minsk to command the IV Army Corps, formerly Skobelevsky...” (Dukhonina E. From my memories of Father John of Kronstadt. St. Petersburg, 1907. P. 5). Father John replied that he could not come before the 22nd... - The newspaper Moskovskie Vedomosti reported about Father John’s visit to Moscow on December 22, 1895 (No. 353, December 23). My husband was buried and buried by the Right Reverend Tikhon... - Bishop Tikhon of Mozhaisk, vicar of the Moscow diocese (in the world - Nikanorov Vasily Varsonofyevich; † 1919); later Archbishop of Voronezh. In 2000 he was canonized with the rank of martyr; Memorial Day – December 27 / January 9. ...I would read conversations with Metropolitan Philaret of Moscow and Bishop John of Smolensk... – St. Filaret, Metropolitan of Moscow (in the world - Vasily Mikhailovich Drozdov; † 1867; commemorated on November 19 / December 2). Bishop of Smolensk John (in the world – Sokolov Vladimir Sergeevich; 1818–1869) is a famous preacher and spiritual writer. ...said that he had recently been in Orel... - Father John visited Orel on September 15, 1897 to consecrate the church in the name of St. Martyr Queen Alexandra, built at the Oryol House of Diligence (Oryol EV. 1897. No. 39. Neof. pp. 1452–1461). Today Father served with the blind... - We are talking about an almshouse for blind women named after Prince V.A. Dolgorukov, located in Moscow in Denezhny Lane. The trustee of the almshouse was a good friend of Father John and E.V. Dukhonina cavalry lady Varvara Evgenievna Chertova (see this edition p. 263), head – A.P. Kadnikov, warden - V.D. Bychinskaya. Then Father was in Moscow on April 30 and celebrated mass at the Filaretov School. – Father John served the Liturgy in the Church of St. right Philaret the Merciful at the Filaret Diocesan Women's School. The school was opened in 1832 as an educational department at the Gorikhvostovsky charity house. In 1865 it was transferred to a specially built building in the former possession of the Chudov Monastery (the so-called Zaborovsky Compound) in Kharitonyevsky Lane. The Moskovskie Vedomosti newspaper reported about Father John’s visit to the Filaretov School: “On April 30, Father John Sergiev (Kronstadt) celebrated the Divine Liturgy at the Moscow Filaretov Women’s Diocesan School, co-served by class inspector Priest M.I. Khitrov and other clergy. After celebrating the Liturgy, Father John, in warm words, wished the school children good success and God's help in their upcoming exams. The church was full of worshipers. Several people received Holy Communion. At half past twelve, Father John left the school” (1898. No. 118, March 1). He served an early mass for the blind and said a good word about today’s Gospel - about the healing of a demoniac. – “The Word Spoken at the Moscow Asylum for the Blind, August 2” was published in the book “Words and Teachings Spoken in 1898.” (St. Petersburg, 1899, pp. 41–44) and was included in the 7th volume of the Complete Works of Father John (St. Petersburg, 1993 (rep.). ...to go to St. Petersburg and ask the Minister of War there to extend my lease... - Land lease is one of the forms of service rewards for officers of the Russian army; was practiced in relation to generals; in some cases, rent could be assigned to the widows of generals. “According to the Regulations of 1859, leases could be awarded (or continued) at the Highest discretion or at the request of the commanders-in-chief, ministers and general managers. The usual lease period ranged from 4 to 12 years” (Volkov S.V. Russian Officer Corps. M., 2003. P. 235–236). Today Father served in the Lepekhin hospital... - The hospital in memory of State Councilor Sergei Vasilyevich Lepekhin was based on E.P. Milyukova in Tupoy Lane (now Lepekhinsky Dead End) on Pokrovka Street in 1868. In 1878, after the death of the founder, her niece N.I. became the lifelong trustee of the hospital. Karpacheva. Through the efforts of Karpacheva, a church was built at the hospital and “the permission of Her Imperial Highness Grand Duchess Olga Feodorovna was sought to accept the hospital under Her August patronage.” In 1893, “the number of sick people coming in and receiving free advice and medicine” was about ten thousand a year; “the number of those in bed is up to 150 people per year” (A brief outline of the emergence and activities of Lepekhin’s hospital. M., 1890. P. 3–4). Celebrating mass in the Lyceum Church... - About Father John’s visits to the church in the name of St. Nicholas at the Moscow Imperial Lyceum in memory of Tsarevich Nicholas (unofficially - Katkovsky Lyceum), teacher of law and rector of the lyceum church, Rev. John Solovyov wrote: “Every time Fr. John arrived at the Lyceum when the bells were ringing at the Lyceum belfry, at about 10 o'clock. morning, and went straight to the church, which by this time was usually always not only filled, but also overflowing with people praying; In addition to all the teachers, students, employees and those living in the Lyceum, many of their parents and relatives and other admirers of Fr. always gather in the Lyceum’s church for this occasion. John. At the end of the Liturgy, Fr. Each time John uttered a highly instructive word, illuminated by the grace of the Holy Spirit, blessed those present and then in the recreation hall of each of the pupils, admonishing them with his affections and well-wishes; more than once visited Fr. John and the Lyceum hospital, if there were sick people in it, whom he always blessed and consoled" (Solovyov John, Archpriest of the Church in the name of St. Nicholas at the Moscow Imperial Lyceum in memory of Tsarevich Nicholas. M., 1904. P.56). ...to accept the post of head of the Alexander-Mariinsky Institute... - We are talking about the Alexander-Mariinsky Institute of Noble Maidens for training the daughters of officers, military officials and doctors who served in the Moscow Military District, named after the cavalry lady V.E. Chertovaya, located in the mansion of the Dolgorukov princes on Prechistenka Street. ...Vladyka Metropolitan Anthony of St. Petersburg... – Metropolitan Anthony (in the world – Alexander Vasilyevich Vadkovsky; 1846–1912) was appointed to the See of St. Petersburg on December 25, 1898. Today, dear Father John, having celebrated mass at the Ascension Convent... – The Ascension Convent, founded by Grand Duchess Evdokia at the end of the 14th century in memory of the Battle of Kulikovo, was located on the territory of the Moscow Kremlin and was destroyed in 1929. ...with his blessing everything worked out and they left me the rent... – See note. No. 428 to this part. After that, Father read the letter I submitted from the Oryol abbess, in which she complained of ill health and asked him for his blessing to leave the abbess... - Several letters from the abbess of the Oryol Vvedensky Monastery, Antonia (Sokolova), were preserved in the personal archive of Father John. Thus, in a letter dated February 14, 1900, she wrote that “with sorrow” she accepted Father John’s wish “to live to see the 50th anniversary of monasticism”: “... there is still a year and a half left, but there is no physical strength left to be a real abbess” (TsGIA St. Petersburg, f. 2219, on. 1, d. 7a, l. 41–42). Father John said that he does not bless him to refuse the abbess: “There is no need, because now it won’t be long, let him endure until the end”... - Abbess Antonia died in September 1907. She held the position of abbess of the Oryol Vvedensky Monastery from September 15, 1874 and was dismissed from the post a few months before her death due to her advanced age and illness. ...On March 22, he served in the Nikitsky Monastery... - The non-social Nikitsky convent was located on Bolshaya Nikitskaya Street. The monastery was founded in 1582 by the grandfather of Tsar Mikhail Fedorovich, was badly damaged in 1812 and was restored by the middle of the 19th century. By the beginning of the 20th century, the monastery had three churches: in the name of St. Vmch. Nikita (XVI century), in the name of St. Vmch. Demetrius of Thessalonica and the church above the bell tower. In the early 1920s. the monastery was closed in the 1930s. – destroyed. Father said to himself that he was ill because, having slipped, he had broken his knee and could not serve mass... - We are talking about an incident that took place in the Kronstadt St. Andrew’s Cathedral on March 10, 1900. Father John reported in a letter to the editor of the Kotlin newspaper: “I was a little late with prayer services in order to come to general confession in due time, and, upon arrival at the altar, hastily went to the people, and here, in the altar, and not on the salt, he tripped over the carpet, lost his balance and fell on his right knee, knocking down his kneecap” (Ved. 1900. No. 61, March 17). A rumor spread among the people that Father John was bitten on the knee by a crazy woman during a general confession. ...who does Father sympathize with - the Boers or the British... - On April 22, 1900, the newspaper “Vedomosti of the St. Petersburg City Government” published an appeal from Father John to Russian volunteers going to the Anglo-Boer War in the Transvaal (now a province of South Africa). The address said: “With all my heart I bid farewell to the generous volunteers with the blessing of God and the holy icon of the Archangel Michael. Go with God and protect with your breasts the unfortunate, unjustly persecuted Boers. May God grant you either to return with honor and joy, or to fall valiantly and receive an imperishable crown from the Lord of glory” (Ved. 1900. No. 87, April 22). ...in Kronstadt, during a strong crush and stampede, one woman was crushed to death... - On May 17, 1900, in the Kronstadt St. Andrew's Cathedral, during the service of Father John, Alexandra Stepanovna Baslyk, 21 years old, was crushed by a crowd of pilgrims. An autopsy revealed that death resulted from compression of the respiratory organs. This was the only death during the ministry of Father John (Brief historical sketch of the Kronstadt city police. Kronstadt, 1912. P. 106). ...in his homeland in Sura, a communal monastery was established, and now a compound is being built for him in St. Petersburg, which will also be ready soon. – The St. John the Theologian women’s community was established in the village of Sura, Pinega district, Arkhangelsk province, by decree of the Holy Synod of October 13, 1899. The opening and consecration of the new convent took place on June 18–20, 1900. On January 1, 1901, the community was renamed the St. John the Theologian convent. At the end of 1899, the construction of the courtyard of the Sursky Monastery in St. Petersburg also began, the land for which was donated by S.G. Ramensky (see note No. 51 about him to this part). On December 2, 1899, Father John informed the abbess of the Pukhtitsa monastery, Abbess Alexia: “Now I myself am going to build (and am building) a women’s monastery in my homeland and in St. Petersburg - a courtyard with a church - stone ones” (Pyukhtitsa monastery and its patron, Saint Righteous John of Kronstadt. Pukhtitsa Assumption Stauropegial Convent, 2009. P. 107). ...talked about his trip to the Grodno province, to Suwalki, and about the wonderful impression his visit to the convent made on him... - Father John visited the Teolinsky convent near the settlement of Sopotskin, Suwalki province on September 21, 1900. “The Teolinsky monastery, opened in 1894, from the first days of its existence was established and maintained almost exclusively by generous donations from Father John. During its six-year existence, the said monastery received from Fr. John about 50,000 rubles. With these funds, a building for the sisters was built and the Yuzefatovo estate, located six miles from the monastery, was purchased” (MV. 1900. No. 283, October 13). During his visit to the monastery, Father John performed Matins and Liturgy in the refectory of the monastery church, examined the monastery building, the hospital, the orphanage school, the estate purchased with his donation, visited the rector of the Sopotsk church, and talked with the abbess Lyudmila and the sisters of the monastery. Father John found the services, brick and lime factories located on the purchased estate in exemplary order. ...and here in Moscow, a learned, educated writer often appears, distorting all Christian concepts and interpreting the Gospel in his own way. – We are talking about L.N. Tolstoy, who from the early 1880s spent winters in Moscow to educate his growing children. As a result of the religious crisis experienced in the late 1870s, Tolstoy created a religious doctrine that later received the name “Tolstoyism.” The writer expressed his religious and philosophical views in the treatises “A Study of Dogmatic Theology” (1879–1880), “The Connection and Translation of the Four Gospels” (1880–1881), “What is My Faith” (1884), “The Kingdom of God is Within You” (1893), etc. I wanted to know what impression the sermon of Archbishop Ambrose of Kharkov made on Father, in which he calls us Christians living today pagans. – The speech of the Right Reverend Ambrose (Klyucharyov), Archbishop of Kharkov, on the reasons for the extreme spread of vices and crimes in the modern world was delivered at the assembly day in the hall of the Kharkov Theological Seminary on November 19, 1900 and published in the newspaper “Moskovskie Vedomosti” in November-December 1900 (Nos. 325–333). It said, in particular, that in “the modern Christian world, faith in the True God is being lost and unbelief is spreading; the established religion is denied and replaced by new idolatry” (MV. 1900. No. 333, December 2). This “new type of idolatry, unprecedented in history,” only “differs in appearance from the idolatry of the ancient educated pagan world,” but “in essence, has the same corrupting influence on the life of modern society” (MV. 1900. No. 325, November 24). Archbishop Ambrose called the ideas of materialism, socialism, “indiscriminate progress” new idols, and the new field of struggle – “the vast field of free, unrestricted thinking and knowledge” (No. 326, November 25). ...and today I went to the Ermolovsky School, where dear Father John celebrated mass. – The Mariinsky, or Mariinsky-Ermolovsky, women's school was opened in 1851, since the 1880s it was located on the Sofiyskaya embankment and had a church in honor of the Entry into the Church of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The school opened verbal and pedagogical departments, a special music class in which S.V. taught. Rachmaninov. I showed Father Petrov’s book “The Gospel as the Basis of Life”... – The book of the St. Petersburg priest, famous preacher, teacher of the law, rector of the church at the Mikhailovsky Artillery School, Father Grigory Petrov (1867–1925) “The Gospel as the Basis of Life” was first published in 1898. In 1905, the 20th edition of the book appeared. ...I am terribly indignant at the student unrest... – On February 25, 1901, a student demonstration took place in Moscow. Students protested against the “Temporary Rules” introduced by the government, which allowed students to become soldiers for participating in riots. ...excommunication of Leo Tolstoy from the Church by the Holy Synod. – L.N. Tolstoy was excommunicated from the Church by the Decree of the Holy Synod of February 20–23, 1901 No. 557. The determination, in particular, said: “In his writings and letters, he preaches with the zeal of a fanatic the overthrow of all the dogmas of the Orthodox Church and the very essence of the Christian faith. Therefore, the Church does not consider him its member and cannot count him until he repents and restores his communication with her” (L.N. Tolstoy: pro et contra. St. Petersburg, 2000. P.346). ...one self-proclaimed preacher. – This means L.N. Tolstoy. ...bless me, for God’s sake, I’m going to Barnabas... - We are probably talking about St. Barnabas (Merkulov; † 1906), who labored in the Gethsemane monastery of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra. ...about the miracle that dear Father performed when he was at the consecration of the Suvorov Church in the village of Konchanskoye on August 29. - August 30, during lunch after the solemn consecration of the church in the homeland of A.V. Suvorov in the village. Konchansky, Father John healed a woman who had suffered from paralysis for seven years and could not move her arms and legs. The case of healing received wide publicity thanks to a large crowd of people and consecration in newspapers (see: Kotlin. 1901. No. 199, September 4; No. 201, September 6; No. 203, September 8). In the same year, the brochure “The miraculous healing of a sick woman in the village of Konchanskoye through the prayer of Father John Ilyich Sergiev (Kronstadt)” (St. Petersburg, 1901) was published. Father was greatly indignant at Stakhovich’s speech on freedom of conscience, which he delivered at the Oryol missionary congress. – Oryol Marshal of the Nobility M.A. Stakhovich (1861–1923) in September 1901, at a missionary congress in Orel, made a speech that caused a heated discussion and made his name known throughout Russia. In Stakhovich’s speech, a demand for freedom of conscience was heard: “They will ask me: what do you want? Permission not only to fall away from Orthodoxy with impunity, but also the right to confess one’s faith with impunity, that is, to seduce others? Is this meant by freedom of conscience? Especially confidently among you missionaries, I will answer: yes, this is the only thing called freedom of conscience. Only then can true and untrue faith, converting and converting, live and act, save and be saved. Let it not be faith, but deeds that is forbidden; not feelings, but actions, damages, fanaticism, everything that the criminal law punishes in everyone, without asking the Church, regardless of religion, for which every Orthodox goes to prison and exile” (Missionary Review. 1901. No. 11. P. 535). ...On December 17, I am thinking of consecrating a small church. – We are talking about the consecration of the church in the name of St. John of Rylsky, located in the lower floor of the Sursky Metochion building in St. Petersburg. Father John made the decision to build this church in the fall of 1901, when it became clear that the planned large church on the third floor of the building could not be completed this year (St. John's Stavropegic Convent. History of the monastery / Author-compiler M.V. Shkarovsky, St. Petersburg, 1998. P. 41). The consecration of the church was scheduled for December 12, but was postponed to the 17th of the same month. ...he especially praised the monasteries of the western region, said that he helps them a lot, especially Teolinsky... - See note. No. 445 to this part. Then he turned to the architect, expressed his gratitude to him for having built the church and monastery so quickly... - The courtyard of the Sursky Monastery in St. Petersburg was built according to the design and under the leadership of the diocesan architect N.N. Nikonov (1849 - ca. 1918). April 14, 1900 architect N.N. Nikonov provided Father John with a list of persons for construction work and delivery of materials during the construction of the courtyard on Karpovka (TsGIA St. Petersburg, f. 2219, on. 1, d. 2, l. 272–72 volume), and in December 1901 the first courtyard church was already consecrated. However, Father John was not always satisfied with the pace of construction work. So, on August 7, 1902, he wrote to Abbess Taisia: “Because of the architect, our monastery was not far off in two months of my journey - they cite the rains” (Letters from Father Archpriest John to the abbess of the St. John the Baptist Leushinsky first-class monastery, Abbess Taisia. St. Petersburg, 1909, pp. 56–57). ...monastery priest Father Vladimir... – This refers to the priest of the metochion of the Sursky St. John the Theological Convent in St. Petersburg, Vladimir Sergeevich Torbaev (c. 1877-?). In 1905, he was removed from office due to his participation in legal proceedings. ...archpriest philosopher Nikolaevich Ornatsky... - Sschmch. Philosopher Ornatsky († 1918; memory - May 31/June 13). Born in 1860 in the Cherepovets district of the Novgorod province in the family of a rural priest, Fr. Nikolai Platonovich Ornatsky. He graduated from the Novgorod Theological Seminary and the St. Petersburg Theological Academy (1885). In 1885, he was appointed to the vacancy of priest and teacher of law at the Children's Shelter of Prince Peter Georgievich of Oldenburg. In 1892–1912 - Rector of the Church of St. Andrey Kritsky. Since 1913 - rector of the Kazan Cathedral. Archpriest, chairman of the Society for the Propagation of Religious and Moral Education in the Spirit of the Orthodox Church, brother of Father John of Ornatsky, son-in-law of Father John of Kronstadt. In August 1918 he was arrested, two months later he was shot in Petrograd. ...Vera Pertsova, who accompanied him today. – Vera Ivanovna Pertsova (c. 1880 – after 1909), secretary of Father John. Daughter of a lieutenant colonel; graduated from high school; since the early 1900s She was a clerk for Father John. From that time on, she accompanied him on many trips. After his death, she was assigned to the Moscow Novodevichy Convent and tonsured into the mantle with the name of Joanna. She died of consumption after 1909. ...began to animatedly tell how he was present today at a debate at the Theological Academy, which was led by the sacristan of St. Andrew's Cathedral for a master's degree... - The sacristan of the Kronstadt St. Andrew's Cathedral, Father Alexander Popov, defended his master's thesis on the topic “The Latin Patriarchate of Jerusalem in the era of the Crusaders” (St. Petersburg, 1903). Professor N.V. was appointed official opponents from the St. Petersburg Theological Academy. Pokrovsky and Associate Professor A.I. Diamonds. The debate took place at one o'clock in the afternoon on March 9 in the assembly hall of St. Petersburg. “The Council of the Academy recognized the defense of the dissertation as satisfactory and decided to ask His Eminence Metropolitan Anthony to petition the Holy Synod for the approval of the priest. A. Popov in the degree of Master of Theology" (Kotlin. 1903. No. 52, March 5; No. 57, March 11). ...Father told us that this week he will not serve here today at the Bezhetsky courtyard, tomorrow he is going to Moscow, then to Leushinsky. – On March 11, Father John returned from Moscow to St. Petersburg and celebrated the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts in the church of the Leushinsky metochion. The teaching he delivered was published in the newspaper “Kotlin” (1903. No. 65, March 20). ...to go to Tsarskoe to consecrate the church with the Metropolitan in the presence of the Sovereign... - On March 16, 1903, the consecration of the church and the building of the new real school was scheduled in Tsarskoe Selo (Kotlin. 1903. No. 62, March 16). However, information about the celebration did not appear in the next issues of the newspaper. Father John could not get to Tsarskoe Selo, since regular steamship service between Kronstadt and Oranienbaum in 1903 was established only on March 17 (Kotlin. 1903. No. 63, March 18). ... signed the book “Christian Philosophy” for me... – The book of Father John “Christian Philosophy” was published in 1902 by the Society for the Propagation of Religious and Moral Education and consisted of excerpts from Father John’s diaries for the years 1899–1901 arranged according to a certain plan. ...S.G. Ramensky (benefactor of the monastery)... - St. Petersburg merchant, hereditary honorary citizen, who donated a plot of land on the Karpovka River in St. Petersburg for the construction of a metochion at the Surskaya monastery. December 4, 1899 S.G. Ramensky turned to Father John with a letter that said: “Your comprehensive concern for the religious and moral education of your homeland, the village of Sura, Pinezhsky district, Arkhangelsk province, known to me, prompted you to create a women’s monastic hostel there with schools, shelters and other useful institutions, and in view of the material support of this hostel for the future, you intend to arrange for it in St. Petersburg has a farmstead with a church, chapel and other fixtures and you want to purchase a plot of land for this. Fully sympathizing with such a good and holy undertaking, I have the zeal to donate for the stated purpose - the establishment of the Sursky metochion of the St. John the Theological community with a house church and a chapel - a plot of land belonging to me, consisting in St. Petersburg, Petersburg part, 3 plots, on the corner of the river. Karpovka and Silina Lane...” (RGIA, f. 796, op. 181, d. 1531, l. 5–5 vol.). As soon as V.K. arrived Sabler... - Sabler (Desyatovsky) Vladimir Karlovich (1847–1929), from 1892 assistant (comrade) chief prosecutor of the Holy Synod; in 1911–1915 Chief Prosecutor of the Synod. I received the wonderful sermon preached by Father on May 6 today... - The word on the birthday of the Most Pious Sovereign Emperor Nikolai Alexandrovich on May 6, 1903 was published in the newspaper “Kotlin” (1903. No. 102, May 6). On July 15, he served in the community of sisters of mercy “Quench My Sorrows.” The audience was small; Princess Shakhovskaya herself treated me very carefully. – The Alexander Community of Sisters of Charity “Quench My Sorrows” was under the direct patronage of His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Nicholas II. The lifelong leader of the community was Princess Natalya Borisovna Shakhovskaya (1825–1906). The community was organized in 1871 with Shakhovskaya’s personal funds. In 1874, a three-story building was built in Lefortovo Shakhovskaya, which housed a hospital and a church in honor of the icon of the Mother of God “Quench My Sorrows.” On October 10, 1903, a separate stone Church of the Resurrection of the Word was consecrated. At the end of the 19th – beginning of the 20th centuries, the community “Quench My Sorrows” was the largest community in Russia and included 400 sisters (see: Maksimova L.B. Princess Natalya Borisovna Shakhovskaya and the community “Quench My Sorrows” founded by her // Bulletin of Church History. 2006. No. 4. pp. 237–240). Father John, when in Moscow, often visited the community’s church. Word spoken on July 22, 1900 in the church of the community “Quench My Sorrows” in Moscow, was published in the collection “Words and Teachings Spoken in 1900.” (SPb., 1901. P.51–53). Then he began to look through the Moskovskie Vedomosti and suddenly became sad and thoughtful. - On July 14, 1903, the newspaper “Moskovskie Vedomosti” (No. 191) published notes “Results of Self-Government” about the “extremely regrettable results” of the activities of zemstvos; “Harvest - Fires” about the fires that started as a result of the “terrible dry land” in the Ryazhsk region; “Echoes of the Volga Catastrophe” about the consequences of the fire on the steamship “Peter the Great”, as well as controversy about the need for the death penalty in relation to “serious political crimes”. The conversation turned to an article by Tolstoy published abroad... - We are talking about an article by L.N. Tolstoy’s “Address to the Clergy,” written on November 1, 1902 and published in Germany in 1903. Father John’s response to Tolstoy’s article was published as a separate brochure, “Answer of the Church Pastor to Leo Tolstoy to his “Address to the Clergy”” (St. Petersburg, 1903). Then he started talking about his monastery, praising the Vaulovo estate, donated to him by Mordvinov... - In February 1903, Senator V.P. Mordvinov donated his estate to the Ioannovsky Convent in the village of Vaulovo, Yaroslavl province, not far from the city of Romanov-Borisoglebsk. The estate consisted of 890 acres with all the land, two stone non-parish churches, various buildings and equipment. As mandatory conditions, the senator insisted on establishing a shelter on the estate for elderly and sick sisters and granting him the right to lifelong use of the old manor house. Bishop John was with me at the Theological Academy and was such a smart guy! – On October 30, 1844, the future Bishop John (Sokolov) was appointed bachelor of the department of canon law of the St. Petersburg Theological Academy. On September 8, 1848, he was elevated to the rank of archimandrite; On December 23, 1850 he was appointed inspector, and from January 10, 1855 - rector of the same Academy. Ivan Sergiev’s acquaintance with Archimandrite John (Sokolov) began in the summer of 1851 during the latter’s inspection of the Arkhangelsk Theological Seminary (see: Kronstadt Shepherd. Issue 2. M., 2010. pp. 82–83). During his years of study at the Theological Academy, Ivan Sergiev attended a course in church jurisprudence given by Archimandrite John (Sokolov). On October 8, 1853, Archimandrite John (Sokolov) was awarded the degree of Doctor of Theology for his essay “An Experience in a Course in Church Jurisprudence.” On March 17, 1857, he was appointed rector of the Kazan DA, on January 17, 1865 he was consecrated Bishop of Vyborg, vicar of the St. Petersburg diocese; On November 13, 1866 he was appointed to the Smolensk department. He was widely known as a preacher (see: Barsov N.M. John (Sokolov), Bishop of Smolensk, as a preacher // Christian reading. 1872. No. 11. P.420–440). In his diary in 1906, Father John wrote: “I honor your venerable memory, my former bosses and mentors (Vladika Macarius, inspector Archimandrite John (Sokolov), lecturer of theology and professor Archimandrite Kirill), that you condescended to me and did not punish me according to my guilt and gave me the opportunity to graduate happily and receive the academic degree of candidate of theology and the priesthood” (Arseny (Zhadanovsky), Ep. Memoirs. M., 1995. P. 173). ... “In our local library there are these sermons...” - Perhaps we are talking about the book “Conversations, teachings and speeches of John, Bishop of Smolensk, spoken to the Smolensk flock” (Smolensk, 1877). Then he ordered me to sit down and said: “It’s so good that I went to Astrakhan.” – Father John was in Astrakhan from September 27 to October 3, 1903, where he took part in the consecration of the chapel in the name of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker in the Church of St. Equal to the Apostles Vladimir. “Then he was also consecrated by the local bishop, in concelebration with Fr. John, a new church in the name of the Sign of the Mother of God" (Kotlin. 1903. No. 226, October 5). Then he gave us all a brochure containing his response to Count Leo Tolstoy’s article against the clergy. – See note. No. 486 to this part. ... told me that he had received a letter from one Tolstoyan, in which he reproaches Father in the following words: “How can you, such a pygmy, allow yourself to go against such a colossus as Tolstoy! You can't break him." Father immediately read me his answer... - Father John’s answer to Tolstoy’s letter was published in the magazine “Missionary Review” (1904. No. 1. P. 165). It said, in particular: “And it is true that Tolstoy is a colossus, but in his field, in the field of romantic and dramatic literature, and in the religious field, he is a real pygmy who knows nothing. And if I say one more thing in denunciation of Tolstoy and his comrades, I ask them not to be angry for the naked and harsh truth. I no longer wanted to respond to Tolstoy’s insane verbs, but if I am sharply called upon to do so, then, out of duty to the Truth and the Church, I respond by publishing excerpts from my diary, containing my thoughts and feelings about Tolstoy’s soul-destroying heresy...” ...he told how, on his trip to Revel, the Lord saved him and those traveling with him from a crash: the carriage was tossing, but the conductor guessed to brake the carriage in time. – This refers to Father John’s trip to the Pukhtitsa convent, where he arrived on November 18, 1903 at 5:30 am. The Revelskie Izvestia newspaper reported about the “unpleasant incident” on the railway: “Before reaching the Volosovo station, the three rear cars of the train in which Father John was derailed. Since the train was stopped in a timely manner, no accidents happened to those traveling, and the whole matter was limited to the fact that the cars that had gone off the rails were uncoupled, and the passengers traveling in them, including Father John, were transferred to the front cars” (Revel News. 1903. No. 265. November 25). Perhaps the incident was caused by snow drifts on the Baltic and Pskov-Riga railways: “The height of the snowdrifts reaches more than an arshin in many places. Especially a lot of snow accumulated between the stations of Volosovo, Gatchina, Taps and Tibbifer” (Ibid. 1903. No. 262, November 20). Then Father praised Zaozersky’s article on the establishment of the patriarchate in our country... - Perhaps we are talking about an article by N.A., professor of the Moscow Theological Academy in the department of church law. Zaozersky “On the means of strengthening the power of our highest church government” (Review: Tikhomirov L.A. Requests for life and our church government // Moscow Gazette. 1902. No. 343–345). The article was published in the journal “Theological Bulletin” (1903. Vol. 1. No. 4. pp. 687–715; Vol. 3. No. 9. pp. 1–18). “...The Pope has convened a conclave, and at it the issue of unifying Catholics with the Eastern Church will be discussed!..” - Conclave (from the Latin conclave - “locked with a key”) - a meeting of cardinals of the Catholic Church that elects a new pope. It takes place in a room isolated from the outside world. On August 4, 1903, a new Pope Pius X was elected by the conclave of the Catholic Church. Father John's hopes may have been connected with the program of a conservative reform papacy set out in the encyclical of Pius X and published on October 4, 1903 in connection with his accession to the throne. Then a husband and wife approached Father and said that they were Pashkovites... - Pashkovites are followers of the religious teachings of Lord Redstock. They got their name from retired guard Colonel Vasily Aleksandrovich Pashkov, the main follower of Redstock in Russia. The sect was widespread in high society society. ...asked Father to bless me to become a nurse and go to war... - On January 28, 1904, the Russian-Japanese War began, which caused an upsurge of patriotic feelings among the people. “...Tomorrow there will be a terrible attack on Port Arthur...” - We are probably talking about the attack on Port Arthur, which resulted in the death of the battleship Petropavlovsk and S.O. Makarova. In a telegram from Adjutant General Alekseev addressed to His Imperial Majesty dated March 31, it was reported: “According to a report from the commander of Port Arthur, the battleships and cruisers under the flag of the fleet commander, with the appearance of the enemy, went to sea to pursue enemy forces and, due to the increase of the latter to 30 pennants, returned to the roadstead, and the battleship “Petropavlovsk” touched a mine, the consequence of which was death of the battleship" (Kotlin. 1904. No. 72, April 1). ... “Paradise” by Merezhkovsky, in which he calls Christianity absurd. – We are probably talking about the fantastic utopian novel by Konstantin Sergeevich Merezhkovsky, a biologist, brother of the prose writer and poet Dmitry Merezhkovsky, “Earthly Paradise, or a Winter Night’s Dream,” published in Berlin in 1903. ... bitterly regretted that the Petropavlovsk sank and such a wonderful admiral and man as Makarov died on it. – the flagship of the Russian Pacific Fleet, the battleship Petropavlovsk, was blown up by mines on March 31, 1904, while leaving the Pot-Arthur raid on the open sea. The explosion killed 680 sailors and officers, among them the Commander-in-Chief of the Pacific Fleet, Admiral S.O. Makarov, battle painter V.V. Vereshchagin. In a further conversation, he said that he traveled wonderfully... - We are talking about the annual summer trip of Father John to his homeland in the village. Sura of Pinezhsky district of Arkhangelsk province. In 1904, Father John was in Sura on June 4–6, and then also visited Vyatka, Perm and Sarapul. ...the murder of Bobrikov, Plehve... - Nikolai Ivanovich Bobrikov, Governor General of Finland, was mortally wounded in the building of the Finnish Senate on June 3, 1904 by terrorist Eigen Schauman. Vyacheslav Konstantinovich von Plehwe, the Minister of Internal Affairs of the Russian Empire, was blown up in his carriage on July 15, 1904 by the militant Yegor Sozonov. ...on Wednesday the Sovereign is christening the Heir, and I am invited... - Tsarevich Alexei Nikolaevich was born on July 30, 1904 in Peterhof. Father John congratulated the royal family on the birth of an heir with a telegram: “With all joy and holy delight, I offer Your Majesties congratulations on the God-given Heir to the All-Russian throne. Kronstadt Archpriest John Sergiev" (RP. 1904. No. 34, August 21. P. 589). In a reply telegram, Emperor Nicholas II invited Father John to the christening: “Her Majesty and I sincerely thank you and hope that you will come to the christening of Our Son. Nikolai" (ibid.). The Sacrament of Holy Baptism took place on August 11 in the Great Peterhof Palace. ...the icon of the Mother of God sent to Port Arthur was not given due respect... – The icon “Triumph of the Most Holy Theotokos” was painted specifically for Port Arthur and in the summer of 1904 was brought to the Far East. However, for several months no attempt was made to deliver it to its destination. N.N. volunteered to deliver the icon to besieged Port Arthur. Fedorov, a 50-year-old retired captain of the Life Guards of Her Majesty's Ulan Regiment, a participant in the Russian-Turkish War of 1877–1878, in 1904 - clerk of the imperial hunt. In early October 1904, having asked for the blessing of Father John (see: TsGIA SPb., f. 2219, on. 1, d. 50, l. 64), Fedorov left St. Petersburg. On November 21, 1904, on the day of the Feast of the Entry of the Most Holy Theotokos into the Church, after the Liturgy and prayer service before the “Triumph of the Most Holy Theotokos” icon, the image was placed in a case specially prepared for it and sent from Vladivostok. However, the icon was never delivered to Port Arthur - the city had already been surrendered by that time. “The failure of my attempt,” said Fedorov, “I can only attribute to the fact that the Queen of Heaven was no longer pleased that Her holy icon should arrive in Port Arthur after they had not taken care to deliver it to its destination for more than seven months” (Rejected Victory: Port Arthur Icon “Triumph of the Most Holy Theotokos” in the Russian-Japanese War. St. Petersburg, 2003. P. 175). On the 22nd, while serving mass, Father suddenly ordered all the vestments to be changed; They explained to me that this meant a change in the composition of the clergy... - The priest of the Ioannovsky Monastery, Alexander Korotaev, in July 1904 was transferred to the position of priest-teacher of the women's handicraft school of Empress Maria Alexandrovna. In his place, Father John accepted the priest John of Ornatsky, the husband of his niece Anna (see about her note No. 523 to this part). Father John of Ornatsky celebrated the last Liturgy in the church of the Leushinsky Metochion on August 29, 1904. ...General Muyaki. – Muyaki (nee Trushinskaya) Ekaterina Fedorovna, wife of Colonel V.D. Muyaki (1833–1895), trustee of the St. Petersburg Gromovsky orphanage of St. Sergius with an orphanage for boys. Together with his son, Staff Captain S.V. Muyaki was a companion in the Verkhneamursk gold mining company. She died in 1906. The Muyaki family owned an apartment building on the corner of Znamenskaya Street. and Kovensky lane, built in 1902–1903. architect S.A. Khrenov in Art Nouveau style. Wed: (Luke 14:34); (Matthew 5:13). ...I asked him to pray for Kuropatkin... - Alexey Nikolaevich Kuropatkin - Commander-in-Chief of the Russian Army during the Russo-Japanese War, Minister of War of Russia. I remembered my mentors: Macarius and John, Bishop of Smolensk... - See note. N 489 to this part. ...we left together with A.S. Ornatskaya... - Ornatskaya (born Malkin) Anna Semyonovna (1875–1951), daughter of the sister of Father John D.I. Malkina. Since 1891 she was taken into care by Father John; married to the priest of the Leushinsky monastery, Fr. John of Ornatsky, who later became a priest of the Ioannovsky Convent (see about him note No. 567 to this part). ...I wrote about this to His Eminence and ask him to take care of me; The Emperor loves me, and I am quite sure that he will fulfill this desire of mine... - To the request of Metropolitan Anthony (Vadkovsky), Father John responded with the following letter: “In the last months of my life, feeling unwell and senile illnesses and approaching the end of my earthly career, I turn to you, my most merciful archpastor, with my most humble request - to allow me, in the event of my death, to carry me into eternity and to perform the funeral service for me, under your primacy, in the founded women’s monastery of St. John, and my body was buried under the lower church of St. John of Rylsk” (Veniamin (Fedchenkov), Metropolitan Father John of Kronstadt. St. Petersburg, Kronstadt, 2000. P. 521). I went with one of Father’s big fans, Cheltsova. – Possibly Alexandra Grigorievna Cheltsova, the widow of an active state councilor, a resident of St. Petersburg. ...I think that Rozhestvensky has not lost faith... - We are talking about Vice Admiral of the Russian Fleet Zinovy ​​Petrovich Rozhestvensky, who headed the Second Pacific Squadron, created from the ships of the Baltic Fleet. On October 2, 1904, the newly formed squadron left Libau, and in mid-May 1905, Rozhdestvensky’s ships reached the beam of Port Arthur, which had already been occupied by the Japanese for six months. ...among them was the general in charge of the Kronstadt artillery... - In 1904, the commander of the Kronstadt fortress artillery was Major General Nikolai Aleksandrovich Chizhikov. “Everyone is scolding me in the newspapers...” - In March 1905, in the newspaper N.A. Skrobotov “Petersburg leaflet” (No. 72) an article by I. Dukhovtsev “The Virgin Mary did not repent in Kronstadt” appeared, dedicated to the “activities” of Porfiria Kiseleva, nicknamed the “Virgin Mother” in Kronstadt. Dukhovtsev accused Kiseleva of speculating on the name of Father John, and himself of indulging her actions. Father John tried to answer the accusations, but soon stopped the newspaper controversy. On May 17, 1905, he wrote in his diary: “I thank the Lord, who has pacified my heart, embarrassed by the slander of the scribblers of the St. Petersburg List.” Glory, Lord, to Your everlasting goodness in my prayers” (Arseny (Zhadanovsky), Bishop Father John of Kronstadt: Memoirs. M., 1995. P. 174). An article entitled “Divine service in honor of Father John” appeared in issue No. 100 of the Petersburg Leaflet. The article described what allegedly took place in the courtyard of the church of the Leushinsky Monastery's monastery, the service of the St. John's with exclamations of “Christ, our dear Father, save us” (Velichko M.S. Father John of Kronstadt and his judges. St. Petersburg, 1906. pp. 14–16). Wed: (John 11:25; 3:15). ...Maria Alexandrovna Boborykina... – Maria Alexandrovna Boborykina is the widow of Major General Fyodor Boborykin, sister of General V.A. Dedyulina, resident of St. Petersburg, admirer and spiritual daughter of Father John. ...the monarchist party was established, Father answered so lively and cheerfully: “Of course! Gringmut sent me points that this party should adhere to...” - In March - early April 1905, Vladimir Andreevich Gringmut (1851-1907), one of the founders of the Black Hundred movement, published a number of articles in the Moskovskie Vedomosti newspaper about the need to create a monarchist party in Russia. On April 24, 1905, the first meeting of a circle of like-minded people took place, as a result of which the Central Bureau of the Party was created under the editorship of Moskovskiye Vedomosti. I'll go a little along the Volga and will be back soon. – The trip along the Volga in 1905 did not take place. On May 21, 1905, Father John arrived at the Vaulovsky monastery of the Ioannovsky Convent. In the first half of June, he made a trip to his homeland, to the village of Sura, Arkhangelsk province. In July he visited the Leushinsky convent and the city of Ustyuzhna. The exclamation of the priest after the secret prayer “Remembering this saving commandment...”, from the observance of the Eucharistic canon. We started talking about the Pacific Squadron. Father John responded about our failure this way: “A terribly heavy defeat... what to do? “The Lord is punishing us for our sins...” - We are talking about the Tsushima naval battle on May 14–15, 1905 in the Korea Strait. The defeat of the Russian squadron was due to the overwhelming superiority of the enemy in strength and the unpreparedness of the Russian fleet for battle. ...pray that the Lord will help Linevich win victory with ground forces. – Adjutant General N.P. Linevich took the place of commander-in-chief of the armed forces of the Far East on March 3, 1905, after the defeat of Adjutant General A.N. Kuropatkina in the battle of Mukden. Linevich retained those positions to which Russian troops were pushed back after the Battle of Mukden, but did not dare to go on the offensive. Then Father told how Metropolitan Vladimir pleased him with his visit to Kronstadt... - Probably we are talking about the schmch. Vladimir (Epiphany; † 1918; memory - January 25/February 7), who from 1898 to 1912 was Metropolitan of Moscow and Kolomna, Holy Archimandrite of the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra. The visit mentioned by E.V. Dukhonin, was not reflected in the newspapers. But it is known that Metropolitan Vladimir visited Father John in his house also on December 5, 1907 (Kotlin. 1907. No. 277, December 8). See: (John 4:4–30, 39–42). ...what dream did Admiral Lomen have... - We are talking about a famous figure in the Russian fleet, Vice Admiral Nikolai Nikolaevich Lomen (1843–?). After graduating from the Naval Corps N.N. Loman was successively the captain of the clipper “Plastun”, the frigate “Admiral-General”, and the frigate “Memory of Azov”. In 1892–1893 headed the Naval Scientific Council of the Main Naval Staff. From 1893 to 1905 - flag captain of His Imperial Majesty. In 1905 he was seconded to the Guards crew (Russian admirals: Biographical Dictionary / Author-compiler S.V.M. Chertoprud, 2004. pp. 181–182). ...congratulations on peace if you have to pay about 150 million, then it’s hard to be happy “It seems not 150 million, but much less...” I said. Father John answered: “God grant that it will be so...” - Russian-Japanese peace negotiations began on July 27, 1905 in the American city of Portsmouth. A peace treaty between the parties was signed on August 23. The total cost of direct material losses to Russia, not counting the seizure of territories, exceeded 100 million gold rubles. To this should be added monetary compensation for the maintenance of prisoners of war, the amount of which was not fixed in the agreement itself, and was later determined at 46 million rubles. I remarked to Father John: “I am surprised, dear Father, that during the war our mission with His Grace Nicholas did not suffer any attacks or ridicule...” - Equal to the Apostles Nicholas, Archbishop of Japan (in the world - Ivan Dmitrievich Kasatkin; † 1912; memory - February 3/16). Since 1861 - rector of the Russian embassy church in the city of Hakodate (Japan); since 1870 - head of the Russian Orthodox spiritual mission in Tokyo. During the Russo-Japanese War he remained with his flock in Japan. Wed: (Matthew 10:10); see: (1 Cor. 9:7). The day is probably indicated incorrectly. This refers to the date between September 20 and 26. See: (Luke 11:37–44); (Matthew 5:20). “Kronstadt is burning, and the sailors are rioting...” - The riots in Kronstadt began on October 23 with rallies of sailors, pogroms of brothels and shops. On October 25, the demonstrations of artillerymen and sailors became widespread, indiscriminate shooting was heard everywhere, and the sailors attempted to free prisoners from a civilian prison. On the night of October 26-27, armed crowds staged a pogrom in the city center, shooting took place in the area of ​​Pavlovskaya and Mikhailovskaya streets, and fires broke out in different parts of Kronstadt. “On the morning of the 27th, the population of Kronstadt saw terrible pictures of destruction. The security units of the troops were almost nowhere to be seen. The flight of ordinary people from Kronstadt to Peterhof and Oranienbaum began. The ships left crowded with people. Probably more than one thousand residents of Kronstadt left the city during the day” (Kotlin. 1905. No. 241, October 29). Order in the city was restored by October 30. “Do you know that the newspapers told me that I had fled from Kronstadt?” – So, for example, in No. 13 of the newspaper “Rus” (dated November 8, 1905) the note “O. John and the Kronstadt riots” signed “Bayan”, in which Father John was accused of “shameful flight” from the city. ...and invited him to read the prayer published in today’s issue... - The newspaper “Moskovskie Vedomosti” (No. 291, November 2) published “Prayer in the days of unrest and unrest in the native land,” which, in particular, said: “O Lord, Merciful God, All-Wise God, Almighty God! Again and again we fall before You and cry tearfully in repentance and tenderness of heart: Have mercy on the Russian land; quench all sedition, discord and disorder, pacify hearts overwhelmed by passions; save Your beloved servant our King; protect his throne with righteousness and peace; speak good things in his heart about Your Church and about Your people, send him advisers filled with wisdom and holyly fulfilling his will; breathe courage into the hearts of those who stand guard over the well-being of the state and illuminate all of us with the light of Your gospel law; warm our hearts with the warmth of Your grace; confirm our will in Thy will, so that as in ancient times, so now, on our earth and in us, and through us, Your all-holy name, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, will be glorified. Amen". The editorial note reported that the prayer was printed on a hectograph, but “it would be desirable for the Synodal Printing House, with the permission of the Supreme Authority, to print it at least for the home prayer of the Orthodox.” It was proposed to “read the prayer every day with kneeling,” accompanying it with fasting and almsgiving. “...if the Duma is successful, it will save Russia from anarchy.” – The State Duma was established in Russia on August 6, 1905 by the manifesto of Emperor Nicholas II. According to this document, the Duma was to be convened by the Tsar “as needed” to help resolve important issues, and then dissolved. Workers, students, military personnel, farm laborers and some other categories of the population did not have the right to participate in elections. According to the manifesto “On the Improvement of State Order” dated October 17, 1905, the Duma received legislative competence; without its approval, “no law could take effect.” It was promised to “immediately attract” to participate in the elections to the State Duma “those classes of the population that are completely deprived of voting rights.” Elections to the First State Duma took place in March–April 1906. Today Father stopped by the senior deacon Solyarsky... - Dmitry Ivanovich Solyarsky, senior deacon of the Ioannovsky Convent. ...I am called as a witness in the case of priest Torbaev. – The investigation into the case of the priest of the Ioannovsky Monastery, Vladimir Torbaev, began in 1905. On January 27, 1906, Father John reported in a letter to Abbess Taisia: “The priesthood, like salt, became overwhelming, and itself became corrupted. So our monastery priest Vladimir is on trial in a dirty case. This hurts me and I am ashamed of the priesthood; God will be his judge” (Letters to Abbess Taisia. pp. 80–81). Father’s excitement on December 5 turned out to be true - on the 9th the revolution began in Moscow. – Auth. ...the all-night vigil and mass were celebrated by the highly respected and beloved Right Reverend Kirill... - Sschmch. Kirill, Metropolitan of Kazan and Sviyazhsk (in the world - Smirnov Konstantin Illarionovich; † 1937; memory - November 7/20). Born in 1863 in the St. Petersburg diocese. In 1887, after graduating from the St. Petersburg Theological Academy with a candidate of theology degree, he was appointed teacher of the law at the Elizavetpol Gymnasium. In the same year he was ordained a priest. Since 1894 - teacher of the law at the 2nd St. Petersburg Gymnasium, since 1900 - rector of the Kronstadt Trinity Church. In 1902 he was widowed, on May 10, 1902 he was tonsured a monk and appointed head of the Spiritual Mission in Urmia with the rank of archimandrite. In 1904 he was consecrated Bishop of Gdov, vicar of the St. Petersburg diocese. Since 1909 - Bishop of Tambov and Shatsky. In 1918 he was appointed Metropolitan of Tiflis and Baku, Exarch of the Caucasus. It was not possible to arrive at the destination due to military operations. Since April 1920 - Metropolitan of Kazan and Sviyazhsk. From April 1922 - in exile in the Krasnoyarsk region. In the will of Patriarch Tikhon, Metropolitan. Kirill was nominated as the first candidate for Locum Tenens, but did not have the opportunity to accept these responsibilities. Shot in 1937 Father Ioann Nikolaevich Ornatsky... – Archpriest Ioann Nikolaevich Ornatsky (1870–1937) was born into a priest’s family. After graduating from the Novgorod Theological Seminary, he served as a psalm-reader at the Annunciation Church in Cherepovets, where he was noticed by Father John of Kronstadt, who visited Cherepovets on July 9, 1893. In 1894, John of Ornatsky married the niece of Father John of Kronstadt A.S. Malkina, who was previously raised by Abbess Taisia ​​in the Leushinsky Monastery. In the same year, he was ordained as a priest and assigned to the Church of St. John the Theologian at the St. Petersburg metochion of the Leushinsky Monastery. In 1904 he was transferred to the Ioannovsky Monastery, where he served until its closure. While Father John of Kronstadt was still alive, he published a book of sermons he recorded, and subsequently published several books about Father John. Since 1909, he became an active member of the Society in memory of Father and was one of the initiators and permanent editor of the magazine “Kronstadt Shepherd” (1912–1917). After the closure of the Ioannovsky Monastery, he served in the Seraphim Church in the village of Grafskaya (now Pesochny) and in the St. Petersburg Simeon Church on Mokhovaya. Arrested in 1936; died in the camp in April 1937 Flattering (Church Slavic) – deceptive, seductive. ...The sovereign of the deputation that came to him said that everything written in the manifesto on October 17 would be fulfilled, but that the autocracy, completely unlimited, would remain in all its power... - On February 16, 1906, Emperor Nicholas II received a deputation of the Ivanovo-Voznesensk Autocratic Monarchist Party in Tsarskoe Selo. In response to the speeches and the address presented to him, the Emperor addressed the deputation with the following words: “I know and appreciate your feelings, I sincerely thank you and, in your person, the entire Autocratic Monarchist Party. Tell everyone who has authorized you that the reforms that I announced in the Manifesto on October 17 will be implemented without fail, and the rights that I have given equally to the entire population are inalienable. My autocracy will remain the same as it was of old. Thank you for your devotion" (MV. 1906. No. 48, Prayer from the sequences of Vespers and the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts; (Ps. 140:2). ...how the Monk Heraclius Dekapolite suffered, defending the veneration of icons... - Probably, this means St. Gregory the Decapolite (November 20/December 3), whose youth fell during the period of the restoration of iconoclasm under Emperor Leo V. Having accepted monasticism, Gregory in the early 30s. IX century, during the reign of Emperor Theophilus, he left the monastery and went to Constantinople to fight the iconoclastic heresy. “...and there are also those who can and should be considered completely crazy: they allow themselves to consider the simple priest Ivan as the Divine and call him Christ...” - We are talking about the sect of “Johnnites” - a religious movement of Orthodox Christians who believed that the end of the world would soon come and that everyone who came to God, incarnate in Father John, would be saved. The first shoots of the movement appeared in the early 1890s. The sect became widespread in the first decade of the 20th century. In 1908, at the All-Russian Missionary Congress in Kyiv, the “Johannite” movement was called a sect by a majority vote (112 versus 14). Father John always spoke sharply negatively about any manifestations of “Ioannism.” I asked if he had read the book that was published by a circle of 32 priests about the issues that need to be carried out at the Church Council... - We are talking about the collection “To the Church Council”, published in 1906 by a group of St. Petersburg priests who declared the need for urgent changes in Russian church administration and called for the separation of the Church from the state, the convening of a Local Council and the restoration of the patriarchate. ...today I served in Oranienbaum - bells were raised in one church there... - On May 25, 1906, Father John was present in Oranienbaum at the Liturgy in the city Cathedral of St. Archangel Michael. The Divine Liturgy was celebrated by Archbishop Anthony (Khrapovitsky) of Zhitomir and Volyn. Father John arrived at the cathedral during the Liturgy and soon left for the apartment of the ill mayor M.V. Volkova (Kotlin. 1906. No. 116, May 26). ...that he is going to travel for two months and will go on a large steamship across Lake Ladoga... - Father John left Kronstadt on May 28, 1906 and went to his homeland in the village. Surah on the ship "Lyubezny". In Goritsy he boarded the steamer "St. Nicholas the Wonderworker”, donated by him to the Sursky Convent. Father John returned to St. Petersburg on August 4. ...said that he had visited the widow of General Min, that she was terribly grieving for her husband... - The commander of the Life Guards Semenovsky Regiment of His Imperial Majesty's retinue, Major General Georgy Aleksandrovich Min, was killed on August 13, 1906 on the platform of the station in New Peterhof with five shots in the back by the socialist revolutionary Z.V. Konoplyannikova. The general's wife grabbed the criminal by the hand and detained her. Newly ordained Oryol vicar, former priest of Athos... - Bishop Mitrofan (in the world - Athos Mitrofan Vasilievich; 1861–1920), spiritual writer. In 1906, in the Assumption Cathedral in Moscow, he was consecrated Bishop of Yeletsky, vicar of the Oryol diocese. Since 1910 - Bishop of Yekaterinburg and Irbit, since March 1914 - Bishop of Podolsk and Bratslav, since the end of 1917 retired. See: (Luke 4:25–30); (1 Kings 17:8–24). Wed: (Matthew 16:24); (Luke 14:26). It turned out that the rector of that church, Nikolsky, insulted Father, and he did not serve the Liturgy in the Sennovsky church. – On October 18, 1906, Father John was invited by St. Petersburg Vologda merchants to serve the Liturgy in the Spaso-Sennovskaya Church in St. Petersburg in memory of the deliverance of Vologda from a pestilence during the reign of Alexei Mikhailovich. Father John arrived at the church earlier than 9 o’clock, when the rector, Archpriest Konstantin Nikolsky (1824–1910), was not yet in the church. Dissatisfaction about. Konstantin Nikolsky, the author of a number of books on the rules of Orthodox worship, was prompted by the beginning of the reading of the hours before his arrival. According to eyewitnesses, “Nikolsky, having arrived at the church and heard the reading of the hours, quickly entered the altar shouting: “A holy man! Then Father John turned to one of the serving priests with a request to reconcile him with the rector, since otherwise he “would not be able to serve the Liturgy.” To this o. Konstantin Nikolsky replied: “Well, go away, we’ll serve without you!” (Russian Banner. 1906. No. 280, November 12). ...Archpriest Kosukhin... - Archpriest Alexander Mikhailovich Kosukhin (1857–1912), served in the St. Petersburg Simeon Church on Mokhovaya Street. He was one of Father John's spiritual friends and constant correspondents. He left diary entries about meetings and conversations with Father (see: In Memory of Father Alexander Kosukhin. St. Petersburg: Publication of the Society in Memory of Father John of Kronstadt., 1913). ...father Alexander Gavrilovich Karataev. – Perhaps this means Ioann Gavriilovich Korotaev, the priest of the church of the 99th Ivangorod Infantry Regiment in Dvinsk. “A deputation of Russian people came to me and asked me to come to the arena tomorrow for their meeting...” - The deputation from the Union of the Russian People included the leaders of the right forces Alexander Ivanovich Dubrovin (1855-1921), Baron Mikhail Ferdinandovich Taube (1855-1924) and other persons. Father John agreed to take part in the consecration of the banner and the banner of the union. The consecration took place on November 26, 1906 in St. Petersburg, in the Mikhailovsky Manege. The word spoken at the celebrations by Father John was published in the newspaper “Bell” (1906. No. 256, November 29). ...speech said by Dubrovin... - See note about him. No. 586 to this part. What a pity that neither you nor Ivan Nikolaevich were there, he takes down my sermons so well. – Father John’s sermons were recorded by his son-in-law, priest of the Ioannovsky Monastery, Fr. John of Ornatsky. Prefacing the collection of sermons delivered at the Ioannovsky Convent and presented by I.N. Ornatsky, Father John wrote on November 14, 1906: “My words published by Father John Ornatsky, spoken without preparation during the Liturgy in the convent I created in St. Petersburg and in some other churches of the capital, were reproduced by him completely in accordance with what I said, although in some places Father John skillfully and aptly supplemented with his own words some places of speech for greater completeness and connection of the text - for which I remain grateful to him” (John Ornatsky, Archpriest. Memoirs of the Kronstadt Shepherd. M„ 2008. P. 134). ...he really liked Gringmut’s speech in Smolensk... – In January 1907, two speeches by V.A. were published in the Moskovskie Vedomosti newspaper. Greenmouth: “Apostles and Disciples of Our National Gospel” (No. 12, January 16) and “Our “Churches of Science”” (No. 17, January 21). ...tomorrow he will serve at the Bezhetsky monastery... - The monastery of the Bezhetsky Annunciation Convent, located at the address: 10th company of the Izmailovsky regiment, no. 21, was located in a stone house, which, with the blessing of Father John, was donated to the monastery by the St. Petersburg merchant F.A. Aristova. ...the Grand Duchess of our time Alexandra Petrovna... - Grand Duchess Alexandra Petrovna (monastically - Anastasia; †1900) - wife of Grand Duke Nikolai Nikolaevich the Elder, son of Emperor Nicholas I. Founded the Intercession Monastery in Kiev. Glorified by the Ukrainian Orthodox Church among the locally revered saints of the Kiev diocese. Probably a mistake; This refers to any date between March 4 and March 11. Then he said that he was going to Ustyuzhna... - In the city of Ustyuzhna, Novgorod province, Father John visited the Pozdeev family of merchants. About the relationship between Father John and Yakov Mikhailovich Pozdeev, see: Father John of Kronstadt and the Pozdeevs of Ustyug // Kronstadt Shepherd. Vol. 2. pp. 462–469. ...I fell ill on the 23rd; it was a royal day... – April 23 – the name day of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna, wife of Emperor Nicholas II. Dear Father left for Sura. – On May 12, 1907, Father John went on his annual trip to his homeland by train. On the morning of May 13, he was already in Vologda, which he reported in a letter to Abbess Taisia: “I am sending you my heartfelt greetings from the distant North of Arkhangelsk. I thank the Lord, who gave me a safe journey on land and water. We arrived in Vologda on the morning of May 13 at 8 and a half o’clock, and was greeted kindly by good friends, Vologda merchants” (GMIR, f. 38, on. 1, d. 10, l. 34). Further from Vologda, Father John traveled on his steamship “St. Nicholas the Wonderworker”. ...only he can entrust him with taking the relics to Arkhangelsk... - We are talking about a precious reliquary with particles of the relics of 29 saints and a particle of the tree of the Cross of Christ, which Father John sent to Arkhangelsk for the consecration of the new stone building of the Sursky metochion with a church in honor of the icon of the Mother of God “Quick to Hear.” The consecration took place on October 19, 1907. “This ark was brought on the eve of the consecration of the church - October 18 - by a priest from St. Petersburg, Fr. John of Ornatsky, a relative of Fr. Archpriest John. The rite of consecration, with the blessing of His Eminence and at the personal request of Fr. John, it was entrusted to the rector of the Arkhangelsk Cathedral, Archpriest M.I. Sibirtsev, mentor Fr. John at the Arkhangelsk Seminary" (Arkhangelsk EV. 1907. No. 20, October 30. Ch. of. P. 685). ...take as an example the lives of Saints Synklitikia and Euphrosyne... - Probably, Father John has in mind two holy women from Alexandria who labored in the monastic field and achieved spiritual perfection. Memory of St. Synklitikia of Alexandria (c. 350) is celebrated on January 5/18; St. Euphrosyne of Alexandria (V), who labored as a man, February 15/28 and September 25/October 8. ...about the miraculous salvation of General Gershelman... - On November 21, 1907, the Moscow Governor-General Sergei Konstantinovich Gershelman was assassinated by the Socialist Revolutionary Alexander Sevastyanov. She threw the package with the bomb into the sleigh in which Herschelman and his adjutant Prince Obolensky were traveling to the Lefortovo military hospital. The explosion broke the sleigh, killed the horses and seriously wounded the terrorist herself. The general and his adjutant were not injured. We defended the all-night vigil in the Estonian church... - The Orthodox Estonian Church in honor of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross in Kronstadt was consecrated by Father John on December 1, 1902. It was located in the building of the abolished Anglican Church, purchased and donated to the Kronstadt Estonian Society by N.A. Turkin. The initiator of the construction was the priest of the Estonian community of Kronstadt and Peterhof, Sschmch. Nikolai Simo. ...asked his wife’s niece to pour us some tea... – Father John’s wife Elizaveta Konstantinovna Nesvitskaya had two nieces, the daughters of her younger sister Anna: Rufina (married Shemyakin) and Elizaveta (married Rodionova). After the death of their father, Fr. Grigory Tsvetkov girls were raised in the house of Father John. ...praised priest Vostorgov, saying that he is a wonderful man, possessing extraordinary eloquence, that he is Chrysostom, that he can bring great benefit to Russia. - Shchmch. John Vostorgov (†1918). Born in 1864, graduated from the Stavropol Theological Seminary (1887). In 1889 he was elevated to the rank of priest. From 1897 he served in Tiflis. Since 1906 - missionary preacher of the Moscow diocese. For his tirelessness and special gift of missionary preaching, Fr. John was called “Chrysostom of the Russian Orthodox Church.” Participated in many missionary conventions; headed pastoral and psalm courses in Moscow. In 1908 he became one of the initiators of the organization of the Union of the Russian People. From 1909 he served as rector of the Prince Vladimir Church at the Moscow Diocesan House; from 1913 to 1918 – rector of the Intercession Cathedral in Moscow; During these same years he published the newspaper “Churchness”. In 1918 he was shot. ...the play “Black Crows” was removed from the stage... – This refers to the play by V.V. Protopopova “Black Crows”, depicting the behind-the-scenes side of the “Johannite” sect. On October 25, 1907, Bishop of Saratov and Tsaritsyn Hermogenes (Dolganev) sent a telegram to the Chief Prosecutor of the Holy Synod in which he asked to petition for a ban on the performance of the play “Black Crows” in Saratov theaters, since it “in a caricatured and extremely insulting form to religious feelings ridicules monasticism, Father John of Kronstadt, and his admirers.” (Bell. 1907. No. 514, October 30). The author Protopopov replied that “he wrote his play in order to show the Russian people the filth and horror into which Orthodox teaching turns as soon as they forget the great commandment: “Do not make yourself an idol!”” (Ibid. No. 520, November 6). On December 16, 1907, by order of the Chairman of the Council of Ministers P.A. Stolypin's play "Black Crows" was removed from the theater repertoire. For our congratulations on his appointment as a member of the Holy Synod, Father thanked... - On January 9, 1908, the New Year's session of the Holy Synod opened with a renewed and strengthened composition. Bishops Macarius (Nevsky), Nikon (Rozhdestvensky), Alexy (Molchanov), Hermogenes (Dolganev), Seraphim (Chichagov), Mitrofan (Simashkevich), as well as “the rector of St. Andrew’s Cathedral in Kronstadt, mitred archpriest” were summoned to attend the Synod. John Ilyich Sergiev." The newspaper “Moskovskie Vedomosti” wrote about this: “It is especially significant and pleasing to his admirers that Archpriest was called to the presence in the Holy Synod. O. John Ilyich Sergiev of Kronstadt. His appointment is, as it were, a crowning from the height of the Throne of this valiant extraordinary service. And although God, due to the weaknesses of the flesh, will hardly lead Father John to work much in a high field, he will adorn the tablets of the history of the Holy Synod with his burning spirit and glorious name” (MV. 1908. No. 3, January 4). ...how he looks at the upcoming Church Council... - The question of convening a Local Council of the Russian Orthodox Church was actively discussed in church and public circles in March 1905. However, on the report of the Holy Synod of March 31, 1905 on “convening a council of diocesan bishops to establish the patriarchate and to discuss changes in church government,” Emperor Nicholas II imposed the following resolution: “I recognize it as impossible to accomplish in the troubled times we are now experiencing such a great undertaking, requiring both calmness and deliberation, as the convening of a local council. I grant Myself, when the time is favorable for this, following the ancient examples of the Orthodox Emperors, to give this great cause movement and convene a council of the All-Russian Church for a canonical discussion of the subjects of faith and church government” (Rus. 1905. No. 85, April 3). The local council of the Russian Orthodox Church took place only in August 1917 - September 1918. ...does he like the “Moskovskie Vedomosti” in the new edition... – After the death of V.A. Gringmut in 1907, the editorial office of the newspaper “Moskovskie Vedomosti” was headed by Baron A.E. Nolde and the famous Slavic scholar Professor A.S. Budilovich. ...praised the article about the resolutions of the Holy Synod on religions. – On the front page of the Moskovskie Vedomosti newspaper on January 9, 1908 (No. 7), an editorial article “Bills on religious tolerance” was placed, which supported the decision of the Holy Synod of January 5, 1908: “St. The Synod, referring to the history of the Russian Church, in its relationship to the Russian nationality and to the Russian state, to the primordial views of the Russian people, as well as to the laws currently in force - fundamental and particular - finds that in Russia only the Orthodox Church has been granted the right of propaganda, while for others it is prohibited, especially among the Orthodox, under the threat of criminal repression - which, in the opinion of the Holy Synod, should be preserved for the future.” He said about Bogdanovich’s article... – We are talking about the article by E.V. Bogdanovich “Union of the Holy Cross”, published in No. 7 of the newspaper “Moskovskie Vedomosti” dated January 9, 1908. ...together with the abbess of one monastery, Mother Afanasia. – Probably, this means the abbess of the Radochnitsky St. Anthony Monastery of the Kholm Diocese, nun Afanasia (Gromeko). According to the memoirs of Bishop Evlogiy (Georgievsky) of Kholm, she was “the smartest, most educated nun with literary abilities”; “her brother was close to Strakhov and known as one of the first serious critics of Tolstoy” (Evlogiy (Georgievsky), Metropolitan. The Path of My Life: Memoirs. M„ 1994. P. 107). ...complained about the Teolinsky abbess, that she tormented him with her complaints about the poverty of the monastery... - Several letters from the abbess of the Teolinsky Transfiguration Monastery, Abbess Lyudmila, were preserved in the personal archive of Father John. So, on September 1, 1908, she thanked Father John for the 200 rubles she received. and reported that “all this money will go towards our daily bread, since there is a big crop failure in our monastery,” and on September 29 of the same year she again wrote about the desperate situation of the Teolinsky monastery: “a complete crop failure, the Poles are gloating”; “I will ask for an increase in maintenance”; “there is no longer the strength to fight eternal need” (TsGIA St. Petersburg, f. 2219, on. 1, d. 16a, l. 266–267; d. 56, l. 11–12 vol.). At this time, the archimandrite arrived from the Most Reverend Nikanor. – Archbishop Nikanor (in the world – Nikifor Timofeevich Kamensky; 1847–1910). From 1905 to 1908 - Archbishop of Warsaw and Privislensky. ...he asked the bishops who were there, the Reverend Hermogenes and Seraphim, to bless the meal... – Bishops of Saratov and Tsaritsyn Hermogenes (Dolganev) and Oryol and Sevsky Seraphim (Chichagov) were in the capital as temporarily present members of the Holy Synod. During Holy and Bright Weeks they went to their dioceses, but on the 20th of April they returned to St. Petersburg again (Ved. 1908. No. 90, April 25). ...mitred Archpriest Dernov. – Dernov Alexander Alexandrovich (1857–1923), archpriest, keymaster; from 1899 to 1915 - rector of the Peter and Paul Cathedral in the Peter and Paul Fortress, from 1915 - protopresbyter, head of the court clergy. ...asked to pray for our ill Archpriest Father D. Fedorov... – Archpriest Dimitry Andreevich Fedorov (1856–1921) – rector of the church of the St. John’s Convent from 1907 until his death. Member of the Society in memory of Father John of Kronstadt, one of the initiators of the arrangement of the tomb. Published according to the publication: Ekaterina Dukhonina. How Father John of Kronstadt put me on the path of salvation. St. Petersburg, 1911. List of generals by seniority. Compiled on September 1, 1893. St. Petersburg, 1893. P. 203. Russian Bulletin. 1882. T. 159. No. 6; T. 161. No. 9. Dept. ed.: Warsaw, 1885. Russian Bulletin. 1882. T. 159. No. 6. P. 762–763. Kostin B.A. Mercy and courage // http://gosudarstvo.voskres.ru/army/kostin6.htm Russian Bulletin. 1882. T. 159. No. 6. P. 785. Russian Bulletin. 1882. T. 161. No. 9. P. 205. Moscow Gazette. 1895. N 350, December 20. Nemirovich-Danchenko. V.I. Skobelev: Personal memories and impressions: In 2 parts. Part 1. St. Petersburg, 1903. P. 46. Russian Bulletin. 1882. T. 159. No. 6. P. 804. In the personal fund of I.S. Aksakov’s article by M.L. is stored in the Regional Library of the Russian National Library. Dukhonin “The Greek-Bulgarian Church Question” and his own drawing “On Shipka. Winter 1877” with Aksakov’s note: “January 19, 80, written by General Dukhonin, in conversations with me. Dukhonin is a former commander of the Podolsk Regiment, now the chief of staff of the 4th Corps (Skobeleva)” (RO RNB, f. 14, op. 1, storage unit 634, l. 1–19 volume; storage unit 580, l. 1). TsGIA SPb., f. 2219, op. 1, building 14B, l. 334–335 vol. This probably means Dukhonina's nephew Vasily. Archive of the Office of the Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation for St. Petersburg and the Leningrad Region, f. arch.-trace del, no. P-34027, l. 12. Shkarovsky M.V. Sisters of the Ioannovsky Monastery - spiritual daughters of Father John of Kronstadt // Kronstadt Shepherd. Vol. 2. M., 2010. pp. 454–455.