Письмо 82

I heartily worry about you, in what plight you are in, which is the fruit of your seduction by your holiness and purity, and the false, imaginary consolation of heavenly blessings - momentarily; and then it ends in tiresome and unbearable melancholy and boredom. And when she took off the mask of false purity and holiness, the weakness of the flesh was revealed, and strong warfare arose; then she strove to go into seclusion and was jealous of monasticism; now the opposite desire has opened into the world. What does it mean? You think of living there permanently and spiritually; but I assure you: if the demon drives you out, you won’t live in peace for even a month. Know that it is the demon that is driving you out of the monastery, and remember the word of God: no one lays his hand on his forehead, and in vain turns back, he is ruled in the kingdom of God (Luke 9:62). You asked for blessings for some of your actions, but you decided on this through self-reflection; she knew rightly that I would not approve of this; but on the contrary, I exhort you to put this thought aside and resist it, and then he will run away from you. Ask God and the Most Pure Virgin Mary to drive away these inappropriate and indecent thoughts from you; and have humility, consider yourself the least and last of all, and cast away your imaginary holiness from yourself; then you will receive God’s help and peace in your monastery. God bless! Now holy obedience has been given to you, and according to your strength; You cannot be idle, and in going through it you recognize your weakness, when reproaches occur for some kind of malfunction: after all, all these cases are our spiritual healing, from which we learn patience and humility. You think that you are right that you do not bear reproaches from your mother abbess, but impute them to yourself as torment; but on the contrary, it shows your spiritual weakness and bad dispensation. When you are commanded to love your enemies, how can you justify yourself in not fulfilling this commandment? Be complacent and leave empty thoughts about the world: live in a monastery, strive for passion, and God will help you find salvation, which I fervently wish for you. Many-sinful priest. Macarius. You might be interested in: