Письмо 64

I am very glad that you are now, if possible, at peace in spirit. Do not neglect the means by which spiritual peace is acquired. Often it is up to us to have peace, and not to have it when we do not want to bear something small. You write about your sorrow that your mother refused to give you more money. This is not yet great sorrow; you have to be happy and 180 rubles. (per year), and especially with ready-made provisions. You can cut off unnecessary expenses, especially in luxury, clothing and other things. We must force ourselves to poverty, patience and humility in everything. And when we don’t want to voluntarily, then sorrow will be sent involuntarily to teach us patience; for through many tribulations we must enter into the kingdom of God (Acts 14:22). In relation to your spiritual mother, you have deeply confused yourself; there is no order either in election or in relation; and just now you bear one name - mentors and novices, and then she imposes oaths on you (as you write), and asks me to remove her oath from you. What power do I have to cancel the oath? You are wrong to think so. But if I advise you not to do anything that is worthy of an oath, then it cannot have any effect on you. And what kind of oath is that? The Holy Apostle Paul writes: bless and do not curse (Rom.12:14); an oath is excommunication from the Church, and for especially grave sins, if the guilty remain incorrigible and do not repent. It is clear from your letter that she grieves for you, then she must find her guilt, and when there is, then make peace with it. And even if you were not guilty (which, however, cannot be), you should still reproach yourself for self-control and secrecy, and, mentally throwing yourself before her, consider yourself guilty; then God is strong to pacify her. You write about your highly intelligent thoughts, that in every correction your thoughts praise you: this is very dangerous and is the beginning of delusion. If every correction were followed by humility, it would be good. Remember your sins more and consider yourself less than everyone else; then the grace of God will justify you. Where are your corrections when you cannot stand any insults? And how can you stop eating dairy? This means adding oil to the fire, and there will be food for your vanity. Consume dairy with moderation, for the glory of God, and you will not be harmed in the least. And you are sick not from milk, but from impatience and lack of humility. Entrusting you to the protection of God, I remain the desirer of your salvation, great sinner I.M. July 28, 1845. You might be interested in: