Письмо 60

I have received your letters, from which I see: although there is your consciousness in your seduction, for your daring attempt at intelligent, high prayer, there is still an excuse that you want pure prayer, unsweetened, and that when dealing with the sisters you feel that “your head is clouded and everything is very boring; and when everyone leaves you alone, you feel healthy,” and so on. and “that you committed atrocities with the intention of humbling the sisters, who thought highly of themselves,” and so on. For all these imaginary reasons of yours, with God’s help and admonition, I wish to offer you a reasoning based on the teachings of your fathers. As for pure prayer, St. Isaac writes: “up to this one reaches one from a thousand and this, after cleansing from all passions; then how can we dare to think of ascending to such a height? And we, at least with clever action and sobriety, that is, the Jesus Prayer, defeat the warriors who rise up against us, according to the word of the Climacus: “in the name of Jesus beat the adversaries; you will not find a stronger weapon than this either on earth or in heaven.” St. Hesychius writes: “sobriety is a spiritual art from passionate thoughts and words and evil deeds, completely human, with the help of God, liberating, long-term and diligently pursued.” In the book of St. Nil Sorsky, in the superface on page XV: “whether the enemy is motivated by any passion or evil thought, the worker calls on Christ to do this,” and so on. - read it yourself; and further: “and such an opinion is not entailed, but rather corrects that by praying, or pleasing God, because all his prayer is from fear of torment and from repentance for sins, putting a beginning and an end.” And if we go through this kind of work, cleansing the heart from passions through prayer, then undoubtedly, after cleansing, grace will write its laws on it without you feeling it: and then we will no longer be harmed, because the incense of humility is always smoked on the heart before God; and it is such a treasure that is unapproachable for thieves, according to the word of St. John Climacus. Look into your work, is this how you went through mental prayer, and in which you already thought of achieving purity? Meanwhile, you have a passionate disposition, furious in dealing with your sisters, and scold with grief, do not forgive for a long time, pinch and the like; to be unpeaceful to others, to issue strict judgment, etc.: and so, what fruits did your prayer bring? - Obvious charm, thinking (as she herself wrote) I achieved a vision of the first rank: what actions and pranks did I do that were completely indecent, which I no longer repeat? Although you say that you did it with intention, this is not at all consistent with the matter. St. Barsanuphius in the 79th answer writes: “it is a sign that I touch that (prayer): for it is not for this reason that he is troubled, even if the whole world attacks him”; and in 158 the answer: “As much as your heart moves from anger and resentment and similar passions of the old man, there wisdom will not enter.” Look at your dispensation, are there any of these things in us - the old man, and what kind of attitude are we in the face of annoyances and reproaches made to us by others? It seems that you are far from pure prayer. You are looking for tears in prayer; They are a spiritual gift, given to the humble, and tears sometimes inspire many, as St. Climacus. And about the fact that you “get bored in dealing with your sisters and your head is clouded,” I believe that this is an effect of charm, as I know on others like them; when they are in an imaginary spiritual dispensation, then they admire and rejoice, but after that they suffer the opposite. Again I send you to the 2nd word of St. Isaac the Syrian: “Why does God find wrath? Not because out of laziness they abandon the work of the first part of the cross, but for the sake of sweetness, diligently moving on to the second part of the subtle mind through work and abiding and prayer” and so on; It is better to see yourself relaxed and humble than cheerful and deceived. As for the fact that you thought to humble the sisters, who imagine themselves to be something, with your kolobrodstvo, then in this it is clear that either your justification is incorrect, or you are doing something devoid of intelligence; read in the 11th word of St. Isaac the Syrian, what answer he gave to him who wanted, in order to humiliate himself, to eat bread out of the morning. Are you of this kind? And what are your works or miracles? It’s better to instill in your sisters more often, so that they don’t allow even the thought of approaching themselves, that they live well, nurtured by you, and others are worse: but they would consider themselves the last of all; and if they don’t hear this from you, but maybe also reproach someone, then you need, firstly, to humble yourself and set an example, then they too will follow you; and what kind of image you made for them of humility, then this can be called a permissive punishment from God, in the absence of reason: recognize your weakness, humble yourself and the Lord will have mercy on you and them and give you peace and salvation, which I fervently wish for all of you. Mnogohreshny I. M. February 10, 1853. You might be interested in: