Письмо 58

You describe your spiritual structure, and, as far as I can see, it is very dangerous: you are still far from this activity, always being in the spirit of conversation, rumor and the victory of passions; We should at least see a trace of this lofty work, and drive away passionate excuses with prayer; and sitting for a long time is not yet our measure; Sitting and waiting to achieve something lofty, and not waiting to receive only the forgiveness of our sins, we can certainly be subjected to seduction. Do not look for lofty things, but be humble, considering yourself the last of all, not only with words and the edge of your mouth, but with the inner guarantee of your heart. Look at yourself, how many different and diverse cases you go through in a day, judging and arguing, reproaching, annoying and beating, and so on; here repentance is needed every day (although sitting in prayer, but not for long) with a heart that is painful and contrite about one’s deeds; painless work does not bring the fruits of repentance. I went to the monastery, thinking that I would surely find peace of mind in bodily freedom; but she did not understand that in imaginary freedom she is a slave to the passions that dominate her; Yes, it seems that she is not the only one with such thoughts, but there are many such slaves of passions; from them I am not the last; time and occasions will teach. Mnogohreshny I.M. February 9, 1852. You might be interested in: