Письмо 41

You write that your desire to sit in silence with self-reproach is being fulfilled; but from the fruits it is clear that it is not there - but still you hit two fools on the shoulder; you make the beginning of good, but bad: and you remember, and engage in various gossip. When you want to walk the path of silence, have the message of St. Simeon of Euchaitis to John the monk; I think you should have it, not printed, but in manuscript. Briefly, I write out some material from it: “If, more than any other person, you consider yourself to be a passion and a sinner, and you reproach yourself for living idlely and accepting humility and love in all your activities. If you love your enemies, if you love those who hate, if you do good to those who do evil, if you bear burdens, if you reproach and slander, you bless, if you bless all people, as if you loved yourself, and so on, according to God, this is your work, and as it befits you to sit in your cell: or else, - take care, father, that you do not labor in vain.” This is a little of a lot for you; but even this is sufficient if you remain sober. When you go to Mother Superior infrequently, you must explain to her openly about your weakness, that you cannot bear the fact that their nuns are insulted at you, and you do not want to serve them as a reason for this, loving and sparing them; and through their insults, she gets into trouble; and since you feel that, due to poor health and for other reasons, you cannot be capable of anything for her, then peacefully ask permission to stay in your cell, without giving guilt to insult; in any spiritual need, may he not deprive you of his maternal care, but allow you to come to him at least occasionally. I outlined this to you briefly, but God Himself is able to instruct you in how to proceed and what to say, and will arrange everything for your benefit, if only according to God your work. The Holy Fathers forbid believing in dreams; and even more so when they lead to despair; It’s obvious that it’s from demons. The continuation of life is not in our will; we are given the present time, day and hour for correction, but we are not aware of the future; and will we be better tomorrow than today? – Who knows? We should not place our hope in our works, but in the ineffable mercy of God and in the merits of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, to whose omnipotent protection, entrusting you and your sisters, I remain your unworthy pilgrim, the many-sinful I.M. September 12, 1842. You might be interested in: