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Having called upon God for help, I begin, and if He pleases to console you, He will put into my darkened heart a passionate word for your consolation and strengthening, venerable mother A.! Do not think, however, that the sorrows that have come upon you now are from the wrath of God; but believe that it is from love; so that, having cleansed them from sins, whatever they may have, they could attract them to Himself and guide them on the right path. Delve into the writings of the holy fathers, you will see that sorrow is certainly necessary for salvation, even if you had no sins; but how much more do we, sad and careless, need sorrow. St. Marco writes: “Do not be curious about whether, through any fault, or when, or through whom, they find: the propriety of each and their urgent diligence and the cooperation of all creation in this regard, leads one God, as if everything came to us unwillingly, either for the sake of love, or for malice, and for this sake it is fitting to endure and not revoke it.” I am absolutely sure that in your case you are in no way innocent; but it just happened that way, more out of ignorance and due to the troubled times of that time. But God knows even more about your innocence in this case; but it pleases Him to send you these sorrows; and such a mysterious confluence of events, incomprehensible to us, occurred to the suffering of sorrows for sins, as you yourself realize. For this, it is necessary not to be faint-hearted, but to thank the Lord, considering yourself worthy of it. Whatever happens, at least give it to the head, then it’s even better to get rid of the position; at least they would exact a penalty from you if they sold the cell; there will be a corner somewhere, and rest assured that no big consequences can happen; and this is common - the laws require it, and the authorities themselves are afraid that they will suffer for their omission: there have already been enough such cases. The weight of sorrows is burdened on us according to our dispensation; when we have humility and accept, even with illness, but blaming ourselves and thanking God, then little by little we come into their love, and even more so when we also bring to memory the suffering of the Savior, Who innocently endured such passions; if we also endure, we will be partakers of His passions; but when, on the contrary, we reproach others and are faint-hearted, then they are even more painful for us. St. has about this. Isaac the Syrian in the 51st word: “as if delivered into the hands of judges” and further. This can be of benefit and comfort to you, if the Lord pleases. But it is impossible to come to humility without sorrow; Read all the chapters of Mark the Ascetic in the Philokalia, you will find a lot of benefit there; and also at St. Climacus in the 4th degree, as Akakios, Antiochus and others endured, and what is the benefit of this. Rely on the will of God and carry what is sent to you, thanking His goodness; He is powerful to deliver and turn everything into good. I received your letters dated the 23rd and 27th: I see that you are much offended by this matter. But cast your sorrow upon the Lord, and he will nourish you (Ps. 54:23). Try all together to persuade R. to go to Father Leonid; I wrote to her about this, but definitely didn’t receive it; I myself don’t know what to do with her. These are the fruits of self-inflicted work! However, the Lord is strong not to allow the enemy to completely gain control, but will send her deliverance through the prayers of the father and mother. Venerable mothers and sisters V., P. and L., bear each other’s infirmities and console each other in sorrows, and the God of peace will be with you. Yes, I also remembered .... how much the indecent vanity of the imaginary ascetic L. U-uh consoled her, that she could do everything; but all these virtues were based on vanity, which alone was enough for the enemy. But now, when I came to the school of virtues, where they are valued not vainly, but humbly; here it gave way, and passions again began to dominate; strive and abstain from everything with humility, and recognize your weakness. Again I turn to Mother A-e; – you write: it seems to you that you are humble and patient. What is our humility? – wolf; and patience? rotten. If we were humble, we would accept sorrows as worthy of those; and according to the Apostle: in everything it is sorrowful, but not cold (2 Cor. 4:8) May the Lord enlighten you and instruct you how to truly humble yourself and endure with thanksgiving, and may he help you to stand courageously against the passions. I. M. February 5, 1832. You might be interested in: