Письмо 30

I found your letter, and, having read it, I marveled at your cowardice and simplicity. You still want the spiritual consolations that you had when you were tonsured; but you also wanted to never lose them, and even more crazily: to die immediately after tonsure. How can one be crazier than this desire! Without labor, without deeds, without sorrows and hardships, you want to capture the crown. These vows seem difficult to you and impossible to fulfill; Why did you get your hair cut? After all, you knew them in advance; and you wanted to die immediately and be holy; as if to deceive God; but He knows all the secrets of our hearts, and awaits our will, and gives us His help, and even more so when we seek it and humble ourselves; but doesn’t serve because we are proud. Always, wherever a fall followed, pride preceded it. Read the books of your fathers, and consider yourself the last of all, then you will receive salvation, which I fervently wish for you, much-sinful I.M. February 5, 1852. You might be interested in: