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I heartily pity poor sufferer M.N. that she is obsessed with such near-death sufferings; but who can know the unknown destinies of God! These sufferings, of course, will serve as a complete purification for her, and as an example for us to go through life with attention and humility: not to get involved in matters that do not concern us and not to judge them, not to grumble about anything if sorrow meets us. I heard that she often grumbled, and grumbling is a great sin, so the Lord sent her this suffering for cleansing, and I believe that the Lord will have mercy on her. And what tempts you is that both tonsure and frequent communion did not cleanse her, this means: we want to explore the destinies of God unknown to us. The sacrament of tonsure, although purifying, requires deeds and works of repentance, and she could not fulfill them, then instead of them, this suffering will be imputed to her; and for us an example is that: “if you do not promise according to it, but do it according to it, you will be tortured”; this is what we are told at tonsure. Read from St. John Climacus in the 7th degree: about Stephen, who lived for many years in the desert, and was adorned with various virtues, and had the gift of tears, but at death what test did he have? It is not our business to test the fate of God, but we must revere His incomprehensible wisdom and providence for our salvation. – I wish you peace, health and salvation. Mnogohreshny I.M. October 12, 1858. You might be interested in: