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You write when boredom hits you, and then nothing helps and you can’t read. You have entered the spiritual battle, and, having not yet been in battle, you are looking for a reward - peace of mind; it is bestowed upon those who have suffered many wounds in battle, have fallen and risen again, having bound their wounds, and stand cheerfully in battle. – You are looking for pure and fervent prayer, which is achieved through much time and humility. – You’re surprised where it comes from: envy, anger, impatience and everything bad you can imagine! – All these are the essence of your passions, lying inside you, but hidden for the time being; and when some guilt appears, passion raises its head and hisses; This is where you need to take up arms against them, not by running away, but by resisting and reproaching yourself, also calling on God’s help; and the Lord is able to give it to you; but don’t think that you can be freed soon; Passions have already been destroyed by many feats, labor, time and God’s help, and for now we will completely resign ourselves; and if we are quickly given freedom from them, then we will become proud and anger God more. In perplexity and sorrow, treat M. Abbess, I don’t advise you to go to others without her blessing, otherwise you may go astray from the real path. I also bless you about reading the psalter and about work, just as she will tell you. Our prayer for our neighbors is insignificant; but, according to their faith, even a single word can benefit them. I remain a wisher for your health and salvation, much-sinned I.M. January 23, 1850. You might be interested in: