Письмо 23

Thank God that your Master has also deigned to make your determination; and so now you are not an exile, but a daughter of the monastery; all this happened and is happening by the sight of God; He sent sorrows and consolations, which are much more valued after experiencing sorrows than without them; - just like after a thunder and storm, there is calm and beautiful weather; but there could not have been such a blessing in the air if thunder had not thundered and lightning had not burned up the harmful fumes. In vain do you grieve for the ryassophore, and reproach others, making them guilty, and do not attribute this to God; You are thus angering Him. Take a closer look: what does grief do in you? – Not the desire for monasticism, but ambition, which God does not like. Do you want monasticism? It does not consist in clothing, but in humility, patience, love, etc. Have it in your heart, no one will take it away from you; but the will of God will be done, and you will receive this external thing; thank God it’s at a refuge, and you’re not wandering around the world. When you are completely determined, then either the abbess will submit a report on the return of the ryassophore to you, or you can send a petition from yourself, with the approval and permission of the abbess for this (as the steward writes); but there’s no need to go yourself, it’s just an unnecessary waste. “If you still grieve for the ryassophore, then don’t write to me, you won’t get an answer.” Regarding the Ladoga Monastery, where it is located: not far from St. Petersburg, 150 versts; but now there is no need for you to look for the dead from the living; there you have to get used to both people and customs, and this is all difficult; without any need to dare. O. A. believed that when you were still persecuted and had no refuge, you were ready to patronize; but now it’s not necessary; I will write to him. – I wish you good health mentally and physically, and, asking for God’s blessing on you, I remain your unworthy pilgrim, the great sinner I.M. April 5, 1842. You might be interested in: