Письмо 189

Most Honorable A.I. in the Lord! Having read your writing, we see your desire to devote yourself to the service of God, in the rank of monk; but, having an obstacle to this, your mother’s disagreement, and even a strict prohibition, at the inspiration of her and your spiritual father, you consider yourself most unfortunate; ask for our understanding, what remedy should you use - to enter a monastery without your mother’s permission? But you cannot lead such a life as you do now, due to sinful weakness! We do not dare refuse you an answer, although we see ourselves as feeble-minded; but trusting in the goodness of God, that He is able, according to your faith, to grant the word for your benefit. First, we must believe that the Master of destinies is the Lord throughout the whole earth (Ps. 104:7), and nothing happens to us without His will or permission. However, as much as we believe that His destinies are everywhere, we cannot comprehend them, to what end all this will work out: this well is deep, but the thoughts of our mind are short. You have a desire to please God, but you find an obstacle to this - the vanity of the world; you want to leave him, retire to the peaceful abode of virgins who have dedicated themselves to God. Thank Him, it is He who is calling you; Do not consider that this is yours, and everything you want and every action is not ours (Phil. 2:13), although, according to the inclination of the will and the good deed, God rewards His called ones, but this requires testing: will your intention really be firm, will the first wave of your boat, on which you set sail into the sea of ​​sorrows, not break? Do not look at the fact that many receive quick fulfillment of their desires and leave the world unhindered: they must subsequently endure and go through the fire of temptation; for the love of God is tempted by the contrary. And every good deed is either preceded or followed by temptation, and without that it will not be firm, says someone from the saints (St. Isa. Sir. Sl.); and the wise one says: child, if you begin to work for the Lord God, prepare your soul for temptation: guide your heart and be patient, and whatever befalls you, accept it and be patient in the change of your humility (Sir. 2:64). Therefore, you see that you are also being tested, according to the will of God - whether your intention is firm. When you remain steadfast, then God is strong to turn your mother’s heart to your dismissal; but perhaps the time has not yet come for you to join; all this is hidden from us, but the Lord knows, test hearts and bellies righteously (Ps. 7:10), and know what is present and all that is to come. In our opinion, you need to obey your mother, live at home, not abandoning your intentions, and as much as possible, avoid the bustle of the world and its dispersion, which, of course, cannot be forced to do if you are unwilling, and pray to the most merciful Lord, committing yourself to His will; then He will surely save you from all the snares and snares of the enemy and give you freedom; no matter how strong and great the obstacles may seem to you, they will be destroyed when the hour of God’s will comes; and until then be patient, keeping your heart from the delights of the world. We do not recommend embarking on this journey in secret. Miracles are very rare when God covers those who dare; but even then it happens by a special calling or revelation, but more often they followed the usual path. Moreover, at the present time it is very difficult and dangerous to embark on such enterprises, and in your field we are silent about what bad consequences this could have. Your unworthy pilgrims, the great sinner I. L. and the great sinner I. M. October 30, 1839. Couldn’t one of the means to remove you be useful, with the assistance and help of God? If you can ask to go to Kyiv with someone, with relatives or friends, and on the way, stay somewhere in a monastery, under the pretext of illness; but one must pray to God about this, whether His will will be done; Where His will is, there will be help. - But know that your monasteries require something to support themselves; but if your mother deprives you of your proper inheritance, you cannot bear it. You might be interested in: