Письмо 174

I have already received four letters from you - a whole notebook; Although they were read at one time, when answering, I have to read them again - I don’t remember anything; and this is what makes it more difficult for me. I don’t have more time to write than in the morning, but will I write much? - One letter and nothing more; and even then how many times they tear it off. Empty rumors about your sisters do not bother me at all; what I don’t know is that I am at peace in my conscience. Thank God that, having returned to your monastery, you have calmed down about your life and are now at peace with N.; and what you did to offend N., admit it and reconcile. About your family sorrows, try not to enter into the knowledge of their weaknesses, and beware of condemnation. It’s a pity that they don’t have religion, and without it kindness is false. You are not able to do any help in this matter; leave this to the providence of God, who can turn them to the true path. Be concerned about your salvation and pray to the Lord for them simply: “Have mercy on them, Lord.” God does not demand floridity; a simple, humble prayer is pleasing to Him. Your dispute with N. about the way of salvation was unfounded on both sides, and there is no point in the dispute; we must seek salvation - for which we came out of the world along a path dissolved in humility and meanness, not to ascend and not to fall down, and not to seek, as your shrine wants to reach - at least a little - to the highest levels. You want to see what you achieve, and this is a matter of pride. The Holy Fathers, who had reached the highest degrees of perfection, considered themselves to have achieved nothing, and saw themselves beneath all creation. What does St. write? Dorotheos: “forgive those who are perfect”! Don’t look for opportunities, but they will come; This is trade for you to gain, to know your weakness and to humility. In your head the Babylonians are mixed with the Jerusalemites; you read books and don’t understand what God is looking for from us and how we should behave; You are this, and to give the fruit is not ours, but God’s. Read Climacus, St. Dorotheus, Barsanuphius the Great, St. Isaac the Syrian, etc., and, seeing herself as far from correction, she should be more humble, and the Lord looks at humility and gives His help for the correction of virtues; otherwise you, having calmed down a little, have already dreamed that you are better than others; It’s good that this thought, which was large and noticeable, soon went away, otherwise there are subtle and almost elusive ones, and they grow to giants. Read from St. Peter of Damascus from the beginning, how one must abandon one’s desires in everything, and this is the beginning of salvation. You reproach your girl for chattering; But she’s not in a monastery, and can’t she really be bored, sitting alone in her cell? Don't approve of it; speak, but excuse; you need to demand, but not angrily and strictly, so that they see in you more maternal care, and not a master’s despot, and you will be frank. I.M. October 8, 1857. You might be interested in: