Письмо 169
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You write about your general grief about .... and that your mother grieves that God does not listen to her. Yes, let her trust herself, is she fulfilling the will of God? It is written in the Gospel: God will not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a reader of God and does His will, he will listen to him (John 9:31); and besides, she does not fulfill the command of the Church - she does not observe fasts and does not understand how important this sin is. The Lord Himself says: if the Church disobeys, be like a pagan and a tax collector (Matthew 18:17), and also: listen to you, He listens to Me, and reject you, He is rejected from Me, and so on (Luke 10:16). It is written in the rules about kneeling in church; in the catalog you can find a chapter about this and read it; on Saturday, Sunday and throughout Pentecost it is not commanded to kneel, except for Holy Communion. secrets when approached. You will not give an answer for not bending your knees; and when you do not humble yourself, do not tolerate and do not have love, you will be exacted. I remain a wisher for your health and salvation, much-sinful I.M. November 5, 1855.
You also write about the explanation of the word of God to you, about blasphemy against the Holy Spirit: then I already wrote to you the example of St. Dositheus, what answer did he receive from the abbot to questions about scripture? - Read it. Have humble wisdom, then God will open the understanding of Scripture to you, for the sacraments are revealed to the humble. This word is very clear that there is more blasphemy against the Holy Spirit than against the Son of Man; this is according to Divinity, and this is according to humanity. I advise you to read, for your humility, St. Isaac the Syrian, in 57 words, in 341 countries.
It’s good that you realized how harmful absent-mindedness and dealing with worldly things are for you. We see the bitter experience of such cases in many. Ask God not to allow you to be carried away by such hobbies; and bring repentance for the past.
But in any case, ask God: may His holy will and fatherly providence be upon you, and seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all this will be added to you (Matthew 6:33), according to the word of the Lord. Just as you have frequent access from the worldly, is that why the abbess does not allow you to come to you, and this does not seem to apply to your personality; accept it with humility, not with disdain.
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