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You are calm and enjoying the world. Thank the Lord that He has given you some peace, but you should not be deluded by this; Until we conquer passions, we cannot have perfect peace; and St. Isaac the Syrian writes in the 78th word: “When you find the world unchanged, then fear” and further explains the reason for this. Your thirst for reading spiritual books is commendable, but you should not limit yourself to just reading, but also extend to doing; but everything must be done with humility. The benefit that comes from reading is that, seeing the height of life and recognizing our weakness, we must involuntarily humble ourselves and thereby attract the grace of God and help in our affairs. However, there is no need to be arrogant about what you read. In general, I’m sorry about your family; pray to God and leave it to His holy and all-wise providence to take care of them. M-i-i should not be offended by the reprimand, but consider it precious for oneself, according to the word of St. Climacus. He considers happy the one who often receives reprimands and accusations from the abbot; “And when he is silent, then I, he says, do not know what to say,” and whoever rejects correct or incorrect reproof is denied his own salvation. And this, that you want some kind of slander to be applied to the abbess, that is insolence, and, most likely, you will not bear it. Despise this empty desire and reproach yourself, and when something comes, try to bear it. What can be done without difficulty is not reliable. Whoever is truly in submission and obedience to the spiritual father, then, of course, it is easy for him to fulfill his will and cut off his own; for from this humility is born, which crushes all the networks of the enemy, but you do not see it, but rather there is arrogance, and therefore it is not surprising that the enemy will scold you. It is known that enemies envy those who submit and try by all means to turn them away from this. You can see this in St. Theodore of Edessa, in the 4th part of the Philokalia, chapters: 40, 41, 42, 43, 44 and 45; then is it surprising for you to be subjected to such warfare, and even without a weapon - humility; and that this can happen, read from St. Simeon the New Theologian chapters: 40, 41, 42, 43, 44 and 45. I answered your last letter, I need to say something about the first: you shouldn’t get carried away by the fact that you are using the world, as I already wrote about this above; changes happen in every person; read Callistus and Ignatius chapter 43; and that in church you felt in a joyful spirit - do not think that you could have had this feeling on your own, but the grace of God did this to encourage and strengthen you. Oh, if we always had the publican’s feeling, realizing our sinfulness and insignificance, then the Lord would always comfort the humble; but since we are far from this, and the closest we can be to ascending in our minds is the acquisition of such a good, we are deprived of it; but one should not despair about this, but humble oneself and consider oneself unworthy of it; God knows when and how much to console whom; the present time is a time of struggle and achievement, and one should not seek consolation: it will come on its own when Grace sees fit to grant it; and you look at your sins more, repent and humble yourself. Understanding of the Holy Scriptures is given according to the purity of our heart and humility; this depth is inconceivable and endless. It would be necessary to send you to the abbess, since Abba Dorotheus sent Dositheus, having preceded him, so that he would humble him and give him the blow. But I do not have such dignity and I know that you will not bear it, so I will tell you as I understand. With the words: deliver me from the slander of men, and I will keep Your commandments (Ps. 119:134), we ask that we get rid of the slander of others, and not that we are not slandered; slander against us must be accepted with patience and humility; this serves to cleanse our hearts from passions and shows us our structure - whether we have love for our enemies, according to the commandment of God. Second: the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those who are being saved the power of God is (1 Cor. 1:18). A sermon about the cross, through which we receive salvation through the death of Christ, and this is the power of God that saves us believers; and for those who do not believe in the coming of Christ and His suffering and through this those who perish, the word or sermon of the cross seems foolishness. I.M. July 6, 1855. You might be interested in: