Письмо 165

I read your letter with regret, seeing from it your pitiful disposition. We must pity and reproach you for your ease and cowardice; where is your zeal to seek salvation? Where is the desire to fulfill the will of God, indicated to us in the scriptures of the Fathers? I see that life and monastic activities are becoming a burden to you; and what is this from? You yourself decide that it is from pride, and I confirm this. This thought, that you have made too great a sacrifice by simply removing yourself from the world, is completely demonic, bringing you down into the abyss of falls; and you accept it and often agree with it. What's crazier than this? When you need to deeply feel God’s ineffable mercy towards you, that He has deigned to call you to spiritual life and has given you the feeling of despising a world that seduces and rewards with even bitterer punishment for short-term pleasure and accepts His followers into complete slavery; and this is not slavery, which is to serve a carnal or worldly master, but to be a slave to demons and tormenting passions. For this, you must thank God silently, or else think that you have made a great sacrifice and that it is supposedly a good deed to God. We, no matter what we do, even if we fulfill the whole law, are all unbreakable servants and only through the priceless blood of our Savior, shed for us, have the hope of justification and salvation, and this is received by the humble, the repentant and those who thank God, while the proud and those who think much about themselves are deprived of this mercy. Notice that when you practiced, albeit little, in spiritual pursuits, and rejected your will and reason, this did not happen to you; and when you leave, the enemy draws you to the world. Get back to your previous work, do not listen to your reason, reject your will, humble your wisdom, and you will see God’s help. You do not know what kind of powerful warfare is laid before us against the spirits of evil. They rebel against you, and you, not understanding the harm, are carried away after them; You have no weapons: obedience, humility and prayer. Cut off your will in everything and you will see God’s help. You haven't gone far yet, you can come back; Do not hesitate to call on the Lord for help and make a beginning with humility; Don’t let the enemy laugh and scold you. Read books: St. John Climacus and Abba Dorotheus: you will find great benefit: force yourself to do everything good, do not trust yourself, but what your mothers will tell you. Mnogohreshny I. M. March 1855. You might be interested in: