Письмо 155

Thanks be to the Lord, who has granted you freedom from the discordant thoughts that troubled you. You found out the reason for them - pride and condemnation of your neighbors, and found in yourself what you think about yourself, that you live well and better than others, and did not understand that this is a sin; For this reason, you were allowed to experience punishment through blasphemous thoughts. Know in advance that the thought of having a high opinion of yourself is a grave sin before God, and people obsessed with it not only do not repent of it, but do not even consider it a sin. Beware of this evil rooting in the future! You complain about your lack of correction and think that you could better save yourself in the community by living with the old woman in obedience: you would do everything that you are told to do for obedience, or a sister in spirit could raise you up. You reason well, but in reality something else would be revealed; here you have one scolding, but there they would be of a different kind: the enemy would have raised disbelief towards the old woman, and she would have preferred her own will; Yes, and there will be a lot of things that you won’t tolerate, but you won’t get used to the food, and you won’t be obedient. Live where God has called you; recognize your weaknesses, humble yourself, reproach yourself and do not judge or despise anyone; and whoever insults or shows contempt, accept with thanksgiving and show them love. The removed prosphora should not be drunk with tea. You say that you drink tea after mass, but your cell people drink it without being at mass, while doing their business. You are afraid that it would not be a sin for you: but this is at their will, they don’t have to drink, and when they drink, they themselves must repent of it. You write that at the wrong time you venerated the cross, out of necessity; You need to be aware of this. The Gospel can be read; You can read akathists when time allows you. For getting rid of thoughts, thank God and humble yourself, and not think highly of yourself. I wish for your health and salvation, much-sinned I.M. January 29, 1857. You might be interested in: