Письмо 149

Thank God that you are now calm in spirit, and that the incidents that bothered you have stopped. However, you shouldn’t be careless and rely on yourself that you’ve calmed down and don’t have any fights; a warrior is not skilled if he has not been in battle, and a monk who does not have a fight against passions is in danger of falling into arrogance and pride. St. John Climacus writes that sometimes all vices, that is, passions, leave us, but one remains with us - pride, which completes all others, and the devil no longer needs to be fought; He is pleased and alone he will destroy a person; Yes, he is so dangerous that he is both difficult to detect and invisible, and yours fear for you, if you would not fall into arrogance, going through a silent life, and I warn you about this. But however, you have little treatment with one cell N. N.; accepting her to yourself and going to her: this cannot be called complete silence; but going to many cells and receiving people to yourself, without doing anything, but only for the sake of idleness, will not bring benefit, but harm. When you are engaged in reading or work in your cell, try to have a humble mind, not thinking about yourself that you are doing good, but think about your sins, which were before, and even now, if not in deed, then in word and in thought, you are sinning all the time; Don’t judge or reproach anyone else, and if someone happens to reproach you or humiliate you, reproaching yourself, try to endure with unforgettable malice. It would be good for you to have some obedience; going through this, it is necessary to have a collision with people, and from this to recognize one’s weakness and acquire humility. And if you are embarrassed, consult with L.M., and if you sit in your cell and console yourself with your imaginary sinlessness, then this brings great harm. St. Isaac of Syria writes: whoever does not imagine himself to be a sinner, his prayer is not favorable before God; St. Peter of Damascus: “after many of our corrections, the mind begins to see its own sins, like the sand of the sea, and this is the beginning of the enlightenment of the soul and a sign of its health, and the soul becomes contrite and humble, and truly considers itself to be worse than all.” This is what our work should be, and not rely on our own works and virtues. Read the books of your fathers and you will see how far we are from what we should be; we must also have a painful heart, or sadness of thought about our weaknesses. If we have such a dispensation, then your residence will not be at all dangerous; read in the book “Enraptured Classes” by Simeon of the Euchaites, it will be very useful for you. The reproaches your sisters make to you that you are often absent and live in the world for a long time are very useful to you: they serve to bring about your humility, otherwise what is the use of your cell seat? If you have not prepared yourself to endure everything that God sends, and through anyone, you need to observe the middle both in the cell seat and in communication with your neighbors; For those struggling with carnal passion, sitting in a cell helps a lot; and for those who are prone to pride, anger and deceit, perfect silence is not useful; they cannot destroy these passions when no one shows them to them with unexpected accusations. In everything that you described and repented, the Lord is able to grant you forgiveness. Why not bother about getting capital on a ticket? After all, they told you: is it your fault that you didn’t get married or didn’t stay in the world? You have chosen a better life, but you still need to live something, just not luxuriously. God bless you. Hieromonk Macarius, December 3, 1857. You might be interested in: