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Look what a school of piety is: a monastery that allows you to see your sins and to know, at least partially, your weaknesses. When you were in the world, you dreamed of yourself that you had the love of God, which is the head of all virtues and perfection; and now I have learned that this is nothing yet, but I must learn more than this when you humble yourself as you should, not with your tongue and pen, but with your heart; Who understands the Fall? Cleanse me from my secrets, and spare your servant from strangers, cries the saint. David (Ps. 18:13, 14). He will show you every case, and read books; read St. Mark of the ascetic, he will bring you a lot of benefit. You called “worldly language” vindictiveness from offended pride: you can also call it simply pride, for they have little difference among themselves, or more agreement. Where does anger and rage come from? Of course from pride; for there is not a trace of humility here: one word causes indignation in the heart; at St. For fathers, you will find pride to be the reason for everything. You thought you had done a great thing: you raised and got married, and even from the monastery; for the first you should expect a reward from God, but for the second it is unlikely: here is your reward - be patient! She is dissatisfied with her fate, which is why, perhaps, she grieves at you; and you should reproach yourself, and not her, for having been in the monastery, you entered into something other than your own business and became a matchmaker; Perhaps I feel sorrow for feeding you crackers; but I want you to find yourself guilty, and not right; then malice will be abolished. It is good that we recognize our passions, but this is not enough, we must purge them; and how much work is it worth? But humility, prayer and God’s help are required: see my humility and my labor, and forgive all my sins (Ps. 24:18), and again: it is good for me, for you have humbled me, so that I may learn your justification (commandments, commands, statutes) (Ps. 119:71). Humility is needed everywhere. And St. The prophet says about himself: first, let us not even humble ourselves, but those who have sinned (Ps. 119:67) and: God will not despise a contrite and humble heart (Ps. 50:19), and: The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and will save those humble in spirit (Ps. 33:19), Even if we had great corrections, but if we do not have a contrite and humble heart, it is vain our doing. When you have this preparation, then peace will be with you: prepared and not embarrassed (Ps. 119:60), prepared with humility, seeing your insignificance, and not embarrassed when the insult was inflicted; There are many similar patches for healing our mental illnesses, but I’ll leave you to try it yourself. You say: I love everyone, and with this you deceive yourself. You love until they dig you, what kind of love is that? May the most merciful Lord enlighten you and strengthen you in the true path and not the lost one, and He is able to forgive your sins. To whose protection I entrust you, I remain your unworthy pilgrim, the sinful hieromonk Macarius. You might be interested in: