Письмо 133

You write that when sickness visits you, you submit to the will of God: for will He give anything that is not beneficial? Exactly like that. Nothing can soothe us even in the most difficult trials than surrendering ourselves to the will and providence of God, which turns even what seems useless to us into something good and useful. “I lack proper judgment and lack great spiritual wisdom,” these are your words; Very soon you wanted to acquire these lofty gifts. Do you know who they are given to? - Humble and meek, through many labors, temptations and sorrows, who came to this state; and why did you suffer this? – And you still don’t see your weaknesses and sins as you should, which is why you don’t humble yourself. This word is very dangerous: “The Savior will not reject someone who wants to dedicate every heartbeat for Him alone.” This is so high: but it seduces you and does not allow you to humble yourself; Meanwhile, this is only in opinion and words, but in reality there is not even a trace; “I have ardor in my character, and I’ll flare up like a rocket,” what does this mean: ardor in my character? Therefore, you are innocent in character - I was created that way. But this comes from pride, which must be abolished by humility, contrition and constant self-reproach; Until they are installed in you and are like natural ones, then the ardor will cool down. Read the message from Mark the ascetic to Nicholas the monk. If it weren’t for this fervor, then, as I see from some of your expressions that came across in your letters, you would already be holy, and your desires would all strive for God. Beware of this opinion about yourself: it is subject to danger and charm. Read your father’s books, you will find the abyss of your vices; Yes, you are still running around, supported in the palm of God’s hands, there has not yet been any test of your autocracy and good will; read from St. Isaac the Syrian's 33rd word, you will find there that our good will requires the help of God and prayers about this to Him: for it is not always good, and so on. In the Fatherland there is that one brother says to the elder: “Father, my thought always sees God”; Apparently, this was good, but the elder answered him: “Blessed is he who sees his sins.” There is a time for every thing: a time to sow and a time to reap fruits, and your bold thought about death is also in danger. I hope that you will not reproach me for writing so rudely: I am rightly afraid to scratch your scabs, but I would like to at least provide some healing according to your faith. Your pilgrim, the sinful hieromonk Macarius. April 19, 1840. You might be interested in: