Письмо 119

I am not surprised that, when you want to bring yourself closer to God, there are moments of impatience and moments of temptation: this shows you your weakness and reduces you to humility, makes you repent and always blame yourself, considering yourself worse than everyone else. This very thing can strengthen you on the path of virtue; Until you reach spiritual age, it is impossible for a baby to suddenly become a perfect man, or for a soldier to immediately become a general, and again: it is impossible for someone who has just begun to learn letters to be able to completely understand everything, both to read and write; think the same about yourself. Having accepted, or only touched upon, the path of spiritual life, is it possible to immediately achieve the end, or, if humanly possible, the fulfillment of His holy commandments? This path is strengthened and accomplished, with the help of God, through humility. But without this, all our deeds are vain and displeasing to God; about which there are many commandments of God in the scriptures, and this is the Gospel commandment of the Lord: when you have done all that is commanded you, say, as we are unworthy servants: as you ought to do, even if you have done (Luke 17:10). When cultivating the soil of your heart, cleanse it of passions, sow the seeds of virtues, pull out the weeds that the enemy never ceases to sow; But take heed when the growth appears, and do not accept the flower just beginning to bloom instead of the fruit. And when, ahead of time, you want to enjoy the fruits, then even when it is time to gather them, it is difficult to find them. You seem to be able to understand this allegory or allegory; If you don’t understand, then don’t be ashamed to admit it. Humility protects against this poverty; but this virtue is despicable and small in name, great and preferable in its action, and so strong that, according to St. fathers: the humble never falls. But it has many degrees and does not consist only in external appearance, but in internal pledge, and we do not dare to say that we have already acquired it. When there is humility, then there is love - they are inseparable; but when we are afraid of reprimands, afraid of reproaches, and do not tolerate insults, then we are even further away from defending these virtues. Forgive me, I went too far into this matter and maybe this food is still solid for you: you demand milk; but it is suitable in some cases and over time. God willing, if you take upon yourself the responsibility of raising a child, it will be beneficial for you and for her as well. But watch out: every time the enemy tries to sow tares; pluck them out, beware of arrogance and arrogance, and may the most merciful Lord protect you from all the snares and snares of the enemy. The sinful hieromonk Macarius. July 9. You might be interested in: