Беседы души с Богом (в сокращении)

1. I am looking for You, my Life: “I am dying without You” (On the sweetness of knowing God) Oh, let me know You, Lord; let me know You, Strength of my soul! Appear to me, my Comforter, so that I can see You, the Light of my eyes. Come, O Joy of my soul, that I may see You, O Joy of my heart. Let me love You, Life of my soul. Appear to me, my Delight, my sweet Consolation, O Lord my God, Giver of life, Glory of my soul. Let me find You, the Desire of my heart; let me hold You, the Love of my soul. Let me comprehend You, heavenly Bridegroom, my greatest Joy and Consolation! Let me possess You, Eternal Bliss; let me possess You in my heart, Blessed Life, the highest Sweetness of my soul. Let me love You, Lord, my Fortress, my Refuge, my Savior! Let me love You, my God, my Helper, the support of my strength, the sweet Hope in all my sorrow. Let me embrace You, the Good, without Whom there is no good; let the Most Blessed One enjoy You. Sharpen my hearing with a word sharper than any two-edged sword, so that I may hear Your voice. Thunder, O Lord, from on high with a loud and strong voice! Let the sea and those living in it be troubled. Let the earth and everything that exists on it shake! Enlighten my eyes, Incomprehensible Light! Flash lightning and blind them so that they do not see the vanity. Invisible Light, grant me sight, through which I would see You. Fragrance of life, create a new sense of smell, so that I may follow Your path “for a pleasant aroma” (Lev. 17:6) to You. Heal the taste, so that, having tasted it, I will know how great is Your sweetness, O Lord, which You have hidden for those filled with Your love. Grant, Lord, that the heart thinks about You, the spirit burns with love for You, the thought always remembers You, the mind recognizes You, the mind cleaves to You. O Life that gives me life! Life, my life, which I live and without which I die! Life, about which I rejoice and without which I am sad! Life-giving, sweet and beloved - where are You? Where can I find You? Be in my soul, in my heart and on my lips - because I melt with love, die without You and come to life, remembering You. Your fragrance delights me, Your remembrance heals... My soul desires and dies with the remembrance of You. When will I come and appear to You, my Joy? Why do You, my Joy, which I enjoy, turn away Your face? Smelling Your fragrance, I live and rejoice; but I don’t see you. I hear Your voice; but why do You hide Your face? Perhaps you will say: “Let no man see Me that he may live.” Oh, Lord, let me die just to see You. I don’t want to live in order to surrender to death; “I have a desire to be separated and to be with Christ” (Phil. 1:23). I wish to die to see Christ. Lord Jesus, receive my spirit! Giver of life, accept my soul! My joy, attract my heart! Light of my eyes, enlighten me! My fragrance, revive me. My praise, make glad the soul of Thy servant; Come into her, my joy, so that she may rejoice in You. Eternal Light, shine in her, so that she will understand, know and love You. Therefore she does not understand that she does not comprehend Your light; “And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it” (John 1:5). O bright Truth, O true Light, which enlightens “every man who comes into the world” (John 1:9), drive away the darkness from my thoughts, so that they may know You with their minds and love You with their knowledge. He who knows You loves You; loving You more than himself, he denies himself and comes to You. But I, Lord, love You little, because I know little; and since I love You little, I rejoice little in You. From You, the true inner joy, I move away, captivated by external things. I turned my heart, which I should have devoted to You with all my love and desire, to vain things and, having loved vanity, I became vain. This is the reason that I do not rejoice in You, Lord, and do not cleave to You. My soul and thoughts are found in earthly and transitory things, and You are in the internal, spiritual, and eternal. You are in heaven, I am on earth; You loved heavenly things, and I loved earthly things. How can these opposites unite? 2. I will tell you my poverty: “help your creation” (About the frailty of human nature) How can my unrighteousness be united with Your righteousness? You, Lord, loved solitude, and I loved communication; You are silence, and I am noise; You are the truth, and I am vanity... You are good, and I am evil; You are generous, and I am poor; You are holy and I am unholy; You are righteous, and I am unrighteous; You are the light, and I am blind; You are life and I am dead; You are the healer, and I am the weak; You are joy, and I am sadness; You are the greatest truth, and I am vanity, like every living person. What should I say, Creator? Look down, Creator, on me, Your creation: I have already perished, I am already dying. I am Your creation: “Your hands created me and formed me” (Ps. 119:73), - hands nailed for me (on the cross). I am the work of Your hands, O Lord: do not despise me; I beg you, look at the wounds of Your hands. I sigh to You, Your creation, You, Creator, make me glad. I appeal to You, Thy creation: You, Life, revive me. I trust in You, Thy creation: You, Creator, renew me. Have mercy on me, Lord, because my days are nothing. What is a person that he can talk with God, his Creator? Have mercy on me who speaks to You. Forgive Your servant who dares to cry out to the Lord: the law is weakened to the extreme. Sorrow compels me to speak; The trouble I am undergoing forces me to cry out. I am weak and cry to a doctor; I am blind and hasten towards the light; I am dead and sighing for life. You are the Doctor, You are the Light, You are the Life; Jesus of Nazareth, have mercy on me! Son of David, have mercy on me! Source of mercy, hear the cry of the weak! Light to come, wait for the blind man and give him your hand so that he can come to You and see the light in Your light. Giver of life, call [to life] the dead. What am I that I dare to turn my speech to You? Have mercy on me, Lord! I am a rotten corpse, food for worms, brushwood for [igniting] fire. What am I that I am talking to You? Forgive me, Lord: I am an unhappy person. I am a man born of a woman, having a short life, oppressed by many calamities; a man captivated by vanity and likened to dumb cattle. What am I? Dust, earth, the son of wrath, born in uncleanness, living in poverty and having to die in distress and sorrow. Woe to me, poor man: what am I now and what will I be? I am blind, poor, naked, subject to many calamities, not knowing my entrance and exit; a mortal whose days pass like a shadow—whose life disappears like the shadow of the moon—like a flower that appears on a tree and soon withers: it blooms temporarily and instantly withers. My life, subject to destruction and decline, the more it increases, the more it diminishes, and the longer it continues, the closer it approaches death - a deceptive life, full of snares. Now I rejoice - and soon I begin to be sad; now I am in strength - and now I am deprived of strength; Now I’m alive – and I’m already dying. Everything is subject to change, so that nothing remains in the same position for a single moment. Hence the fear and trembling; hence hunger and thirst; hence the heat and cold; hence the relaxation, hence the illness intensifies, and it is followed by untimely death, which kidnaps people in countless ways every day. She kills one with a fever, another with debilitating diseases, another with hunger, another with thirst, another with a flood, another with violence, one she destroys with fire, another with the teeth of wild animals; he destroys one with a sword, he poisons another with poison, another ends his miserable life from [panic] fear. And moreover: there is nothing more inevitable than death, but a person does not know the time of his death. And at the very time when he feels cheerful, his hope is broken and perishes - since a person does not know when, where and how he will die, although he knows that he will have to die. This is how great, Lord, is human misfortune; The calamity I am suffering is great, but I do not grieve about this either. I will cry to You, Lord, until I die, I will proclaim my misfortune, I will reveal it and I will not be ashamed of my insignificance. Help me, O strength that restores me; help me, the strength that sustains me, come, the light with which I see; appear, the glory in which I rejoice; appear, O Lord my God, the life by which I will live! 3. Oh, my Light, enlighten my darkness! (On the wondrous light of the Divine) Oh, the Light that Tobias saw when, with his eyes closed, he instructed his son on the path of life! The Light that Isaac saw internally when, with blind eyes, he announced the future to his son! An invisible light, before which the entire depth of the human heart is open! The Light that Jacob saw when, according to Your instructions, he foretold the future for his sons! There is darkness on the face of the abyss of my thoughts, and You are the Light! There is darkness on the waters of my heart, and You are the Truth! Oh, the Word, by Whom everything was created and without Whom nothing was created, the eternal Word, before Whom nothing was, the Word that rules everything - the Word, without Whom everything is nothing! The word spoken at the beginning: “let there be light” (Gen. 1:3)—and there was light. Say also to me: “Let there be light” - and let there be light, and I will see the light, and I will know everything that is not light, - since without You darkness is light and light is darkness, because without Your light there is no truth. Then comes error, vanity, instead of difference confusion, instead of knowledge ignorance, instead of sight blindness, instead of the path inaccessibility, instead of life death. 4. Woe is me without You, Lord! (About the deadness of human nature) It is fair, Lord, that we receive a reward worthy of our deeds, turning into nothing, like running water. Without You there is nothing - and we turn into nothing, since we are nothing without You, through Whom everything was created and without Whom nothing was created. O God the Word, by Whom all things were created, woe to me, poor, so blinded - because You are the Light, and I am removed from You! Woe to me, unfortunate, so wounded, because You are Medicine, and I am removed from You! Woe to me, pitiful, so distraught, because You are the Truth, and I am removed from You! Woe to me, the poor one who has fallen into such delusions, because You are the Way, and I am removed from You! O God the Word, You are the Light by Whom light was created; You are the Way, Truth and Life, in Which there is no darkness, delusion, vanity and death. Light, without Which all is darkness; The Path, without Which everywhere there is error; Truth, without Which everything is vanity; Life, without Which everything is death. Say, Word of God: “let there be light” (Gen. 1:3) - so that I can see the light and escape darkness, so that I can see the way and avoid error, see the truth and move away from vanity, see life and avoid death. Shine upon me, O Lord, my Light, my Enlightenment, my Salvation - my Lord, my God, my Father. Appear, O my Light, to Thy blind man, who sits “in darkness and the shadow of death” (Ps. 107:10), and direct his steps on a peaceful path, by which he would reach the house of God “with the voice of joy” (Ps. 41:5) and confession. True confession is the path along which I will reach You and turn to You, since You are the straight path of life. 5. Without You I am nothing! (What does it mean to be nothing?) What do I confess to You? I confess to You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, my poverty, so that I may approach Your mercy. I became poor, but I did not realize my poverty, for You are the truth, and I was not with You; I was wounded by my iniquities, and I did not regret it, for You are life, and I was not with You. I was not with You, by Whom all things were created and without Whom nothing was made. Everything was created by the Word, no matter what was created. “And God saw everything that He had made, and, behold, it was very good” (Gen. 1:31). Everything that was created was created by the Word, and everything created by the Word is very good. Why is it good? Because everything was created by the Word and without Him there was nothing, because nothing good can happen without the highest good. Where there is no good, there is evil, which, in fact, is nothing, since it is nothing more than the deprivation of good, just as blindness is the deprivation of light. So, evil is nothing, because it happened without the Word, without Whom nothing happens. Evil is the deprivation of That Good, by which everything that has been created was created. And what is not, was not created by Him and therefore is nothing. That which is not created is evil, because everything created by the Word was created and everything created by the Word is good. If everything was created by the Word, evil was not created by Him. Therefore, everything uncreated is not [is] good, because everything that is created [is] good; therefore, the uncreated is evil and it is nothing, because without the Word nothing happens. But how does evil exist if it is not created? [This happens] because evil is the deprivation of Good, by Whom all good things were created. So, to be without the Word is evil and means not to be, because without Him nothing happens. But what does it mean to be separated from the Word? If you want to know this, listen to what the Word is. The Word of God says: “I am the way and the truth and the life” (John 14:6). To be separated from the Word is to be without a path, without truth, without life; Therefore, evil is nothing, because it is separated from the Word, by Whom all things were created. To be separated from the Word, which created everything, means nothing less than to be destroyed, because without Him there is nothing. Therefore, insofar as you move away from good, you are separated from the Word, which is good, and thereby become nothing, since you have moved away from the Word, without which there is nothing. So, Lord, now You have enlightened me so that I can see You and know myself. For I was nothing as many times as I was separated from You; Since I forgot You, the real Good, I became evil. Woe to me, poor man, how did I not know that, having left You, I was nothing? But why am I asking this? If I was nothing, then how could I not want to know? We know that evil is nothing and that existing nothing exists; and what is not good does not exist, because it is nothing. When I was nothing, being without You, I was like an idol, which is nothing, which, although it has ears, does not hear; has nostrils but no sense of smell; has eyes but does not see; has a mouth, but does not speak; has hands, but does not touch; has legs, but does not walk; has all the pictures of the dicks without their feelings. 6. Without You, my enemies have overcome me. (About the fall of the soul in sins) When I was without You, it was not me, but I was nothing: and therefore I was blind, deaf and insensitive, since I did not discern good, did not avoid evil, did not feel the ulcers of my illnesses, nor saw my darkness, because I was without You, the true Light, which enlightens every person who comes into the world. Alas! I was stung, but I did not feel pain; I was attracted, but I did not feel it, because I was nothing, since I was without life, which is the Word that created everything. That is why, Lord, my enemies made me an instrument of their desires: they beat me, exposed me, desecrated me, corrupted me, wounded me and killed me, since I moved away from You and became nothing without You. Alas! Lord my life, who created me; My light, which guided me! Protector of my life! Have mercy on me and restore me, O Lord my God, my Hope, my Strength, my Fortress, my Consolation! In the day of my sorrow, look at my enemies and take me away from them; May he who hates me flee from my face, and may I live in You and by You. For they, Lord, thought about me and, seeing me without You, felt contempt for me. They divided among themselves the garments of virtues with which You adorned me; they made their way through me and trampled me under their feet; You have defiled Your holy church with sinful abominations; they brought me down, deprived of everything and overwhelmed with sorrow. I followed them, blind and naked, entangled in the bonds of sin. They pulled me along from vice to vice and from abomination to abomination, and I walked without resistance. I was a slave and loved slavery; I was blind and desired blindness; I was bound and did not fear the bonds. I considered bitter things to be sweet, and sweet things to be bitter. I was poor and did not understand this, because I was without the Word, without whom “nothing began to be” (Jn. 1:3), by whom all things are preserved, without whom all things become nothing. For just as everything was created through Him “and without Him nothing was made” (John 1:3), so by Him everything that is in heaven and on earth, in the sea and in all the abysses is preserved. And particle to particle in stone, as in anything else created, is united only by the Word, by Whom everything is produced and preserved. For this reason I will cleave to You, the Word, that You may keep me; since, having departed from You, I would have perished in myself if You, my Creator, had not renewed me. I sinned, You visited me; I fell, You restored me; I was ignorant, You enlightened me; I didn’t see, You enlightened me. 7. Where do I come from, that You loved me so much, O Lord? (About the manifold benefits of God) My God! Show me how poor I am obliged to love You; show me how I should praise You; how I should please You, tell me. Raise, O Lord, from above to inspire my heart, teach and save me, and I will praise You, who created me out of nothing, who enlightened me, who was in darkness; Who raised me from the dead, Who saved me from my youth with all Your blessings. You feed this obscene worm, stinking of sins, abundantly with Your beautiful gifts. Open to me, O Key of David! You open, whoever you open to, no one closes, and whoever you close, no one opens to him (cf. Rev. 3:7), open to me the doors of Your light, that I may enter, see and know, and confess to You with all my heart, since “Your mercy is great towards me and You have delivered my soul from the depths of hell” (Ps. 85:13). Lord our God! how wonderful and glorious is Your name throughout all the earth! “What is man that You remember him? or son of man, that You visit him?” (Ps.8, 2, 5) Lord, the Hope of the saints and the Pillar of their strength! God, the life of my soul, by which I live and without which I die! The light of my eyes, by which I live, without which I am blind! Joy of my heart and Joy of my spirit! I will love You with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my members and being, just as You first loved me. “And where do I get this from” (Luke 1:43), O Creator of heaven and earth and the abyss, who in no way demands my blessings! How do I know that You loved me? O Wisdom, who opens lips bound by muteness! O Word, who created everything! Open my mouth, give me a voice of praise, so that I may tell you all Your good deeds that You have shown me from the beginning. Behold, I exist, for You created me: and You created me and from eternity predestined me to be among Your creatures - before You stretched out the heavens, when there was no depth yet, You had not yet made the earth and founded the mountains, and the springs had not yet flowed. First of all, this, created by the Word, You, by Your unfaithful providence, foresaw that I would be Your creature, and You deigned to be one. And where do I get this from, most gracious Lord, Most High God, most merciful Father, all-powerful and meek Creator! What are my merits, what is my good deed, that it was pleasing to create me in the face of Your magnificent majesty? I was not, and You created me; was nothing, and out of nothing he made me something. What is something? Not a drop of water, not fire, not a bird or a fish, not a snake or any of the animals, not a stone or a tree. Not of the kind that have only being, and not of those that can only be and grow; not from among those who can be, grow and feel: but above all this You have favored me to be from among those who exist, for I also exist; and from among those who have being and growth, just as I exist and grow, - and from among those who exist, grow and feel; for I exist, grow and feel. And little has made me less than the angels, since I received from You a common mind with them to know You. But I did less, I said, for they already know You by sight, and I by hope; they are “face to face”, and I am “a mirror in fortune telling”; They are perfect, but I am “in part” (1 Cor. 13:12). “When that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will cease” (1 Cor. 13:10); When we see Your face with a revealed face, then what will prevent us from being less than the angels whom You, Lord, adorned with the crown of hope, will crown with glory and honor, whom You will glorify as Your friends: what will prevent us from being equal to the angels in everything? For Thy truth thus declares: They shall be like angels, and shall be called sons of God. Why then will they not be sons of God if they are equal to the angels? Truly they will be sons of God, since the Son of God became the Son of Man. When I talk about this, I dare to say that man is no less than the angels and not only equal to them, but higher than the angels, since God was a man and not an angel. And therefore I will say that man is a worthy creature, because the Word, which was from time immemorial, was with God; The Word through which God said: “let there be light” (Gen. 1:3), that is, the angelic nature; The Word by which God from the beginning created all things, that very “Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory” (John 1:14). This is the glory in which I boast when I truly boast! This is the joy that I rejoice in when I truly rejoice, O Lord my God, the life and all the glory of my soul! I confess to You, Lord my God, that You, having created me rational, did not create me as equal with the angels; since through Thy Word I can achieve equality with them, and become a son through Thy only-begotten Word, O Lord, through Thy beloved Son, in Whom Thou hast been well pleased; through the one heir and co-natural and co-eternal with You, Jesus Christ, the only Lord, our Redeemer, our Enlightener and our Comforter, - Who is our Advocate before You, our Life, our Savior, our only Hope, - Who loved us more than Himself, through Whom we have trust, and sure hope, and access to You, since He gave power to those who believe in His name to be the sons of God. I will give praise to Your name, O Lord! Because You, having created me in Your image and likeness, made me a partaker of such glory that I can be the son of God, which trees or stones and in general everything that moves and grows in the air, or in the sea, or on earth cannot be, since You did not give them the power through Your Word to be the sons of God, because they have no understanding. For this power consists in reason, by which we know God. And He gave this power to people whom He created intelligent in His image and likeness. And by Thy grace I am a man; and I can be Your son by grace, but everything mentioned cannot be. Where does this come from, Lord, the highest truth and the true height, the beginning of all creatures? Where does it come from, Lord, that I can be the son of God, but they cannot? You live forever and have created everything together. Together you created man and animals, stones and plants of the earth. No merits or good deeds were forewarned: since You created everything by goodness alone, all creatures were equal in merit, because they all had no merit. So where did Your goodness come from more in this creature, which You created rational, than in all other, dumb ones? Why am I not like everyone else, or are they not all like me? What are my merits, what are my good deeds, that You created me capable of being the son of God, and denied them all this? Let me not think, Lord, about my merits. Only Your grace, only Your goodness made it possible for me to be a participant in this bliss. So, according to Your grace alone, with which You brought me out of nothing, I pray to You: “Give me grace, so that I will bring thanks to You for this. 8. By Your sole goodness, I am a rational creation” (On the omnipotence of God) Thy almighty right hand, which is always the same, created angels in heaven and men on earth; not stronger in some and not weaker in others. For no other hand could create the worm. Just as no hand but Yours could create the sky, so no one else could produce the smallest leaf on a tree. Just as no body, so no one could create a single white or black hair, except for Your almighty right hand, by which everything is equally possible. For it is not more convenient for her to create a worm than an angel; and it is no more difficult to spread out the sky than a leaf; and it is not easier to produce the hair of my head than the body; and it is no more difficult to found the earth on the waters than the waters on the earth. But she did everything she wanted, in heaven and on earth, in the sea and in all the abysses, and she arranged me in the midst of everything, just as she wanted. Your hand, Lord, could have made me a stone, or a bird, or a snake, or some kind of animal, and you knew it, but you did not want to, out of Your goodness. Why am I not a stone, or a tree, or some kind of animal? Because Thy goodness has decreed so; but it was not my merit that it was decided so. 9. It is not for me to praise You: “You Yourself are my praise!” (On praising God) Where do I, Lord, where do I get praise for Your praise? Just as He created me without me, according to His good pleasure, so is Your praise without me, as it pleases before You. Before You, Lord, Your praise is You Yourself. May Your works praise You according to the abundance of Your greatness. Your praise, O Lord, is incomprehensible: incomprehensible to the heart, inexpressible to the lips, incomprehensible to the ear, since they are temporary, but Your praise, O Lord, endures forever. Thought begins and ends; the voice comes and goes; the ear hears and ceases to hear, but Your praise endures forever. Who will praise You? What man will proclaim Your praise? Your praise is eternal, not temporary. He praises You who believes that You Yourself are Your praise. He praises You who understands that he himself cannot comprehend Your praise. Eternal praise, never passing away, in You is our praise, in You my soul will boast. It is not we who glorify You, but You Yourself, by Yourself and in Yourself: and we glory in You. Then we have true praise when we have it from You, when the light approves of the light: since You, the true praise, give true praise. And when we seek praise from others, and not from You, then we are deprived of Your praise, because that is temporary, but Yours is eternal. If we seek temporary praise, we lose eternal praise. If we want something eternal, then let us not love something temporary. Eternal praise, O Lord my God, from Whom is all praise, without Whom there is no praise! I cannot praise You without You; Having You, I will praise You. For what am I, Lord, that I could praise You? Dust and ashes, a dead and stinking dog, a worm and pus. Who am I to praise You, O Lord my God Almighty, Spirit of all flesh, who inhabits eternity? Will darkness praise light or death - life? You are light, I am darkness: You are life, I am death. Can vanity praise the truth? You are the truth, and I am a man who has become like vanity. How, Lord, can I praise You? Will my poverty praise Your riches? Can stench praise fragrance? Will human deadness, existing now and carried away tomorrow, praise You? Will man, the worm, and the son of man, the worm, praise You, O Lord? Will you, O Lord, be praised by those who were conceived, born and raised in sins? For praise is not red in the mouth of a sinner. May Your incomprehensible power, Your indescribable wisdom and Your inexpressible goodness praise You, O Lord my God. May Thy immeasurable mercy, Thy abundant mercy, eternal power and Thy Divinity praise Thee. May Your almighty strength, Your extreme goodness and Your love, according to which You created us, praise You, O Lord God, Giver of life to my soul. 10. By goodness You created me, by goodness You will save me. (On placing trust in God) I am Your creation, under the shelter of Your wings I will trust in Your goodness with which You created me. Help Your creation, created by Your compassion. Let not what Thy goodness has done disappear in my malice; Let not what Your extreme mercy has produced perish in my wretchedness. You created me, Lord, so manage Your creation. You created me from nothing: if You do not control me, I will again return to nothing. Help me, Lord, my Giver of Life, so that I do not perish in my malice. If You had not created me, I would not exist; because You created me, I exist. When You do not control me, then I am already deprived of existence. For it was not my merits that forced You to create me, but Your most humane goodness and Your mercy. Let this love of Thy, O Lord my God, which prompted Thee to create, lead Thee to rule. What is the use of the fact that Your love has inclined You towards creation, if I perish in my poverty and I will not be governed by Your right hand? May the mercy that convinced You to create that which did not exist, convince You, O Lord my God, to preserve Your creation. Let the same love that moved You to creation move You to observance, since this love is You Yourself, Who is always the same: Thy right hand has not become weak, so that it cannot save me again. But my sins have placed a barrier between me and You, between darkness and light, between the image of death and life, between vanity and truth, between this perverse life of mine and Your eternal life. 11. Many nets, many enemies: do not leave me (About the nets of lust) These are the shadows of darkness, with which I lie covered, cast down in the abyss of this gloomy prison, until the day comes and the shadow disappears and the light shines on the firmament of Your power. The voice of the Lord in strength, the voice of the Lord in splendor will proclaim, let there be light, and let the darkness disappear, and let the dry land appear, and let the earth produce green grass and produce the seed and good fruit of the righteousness of your kingdom. Lord, Father and God, life by which everything lives and without which everything becomes dead! Do not leave me in an evil thought, and do not give me the exaltation of my eyes: take away lust from me and do not give me over to a fearless spirit, but You possess my heart, so that it always thinks about You. Enlighten my eyes, so that they may see You and not exalt themselves before You, eternal glory, and see what is on Your right hand and what is on Your left side. Destroy my desires with Your sweetness, which You keep for those who fear You, so that I may desire You with eternal desires, so that I do not consider You, deceived and deceived by vain things, bitter with sweet, and sweet with bitter, darkness with light and light with darkness, so that I can get rid of the enemy in the midst of so many charms and deceptions encountered along this path to ensnare the souls of sinners. Behold, Lord my God, this whole world is filled with networks of lusts that are preparing destruction for my feet! And who will escape them? Verily, the one from whom You will take away the exaltation of his eyes, so that their lust does not deceive him; and from whom will You take away the lust of the flesh, so that it does not deceive him; and from whom You will take away the spirit of fearlessness and madness, so that he is not deceived by worldly pride. Oh, how blessed is the one to whom You do this! For he will pass his way harmlessly. I pray to You, my Savior, to help me so that I do not fall in the face of my enemies, caught in the nets prepared for my feet to bow down my soul. But deliver me, O power of my salvation, so that my enemies who hate me do not laugh at me. Arise, O Lord my God, my strength, and let my enemies be scattered, and let those who hate You flee from Thy presence. As wax melts before the face of fire, so may sinners perish before Your presence: may I also hide myself in the mystery of Your face and rejoice with Your sons, filled with all Your blessings. And You, Lord God, Father of the orphans, hear the cry of Your sons and stretch out Your wings, so that we may hide in them from the face of the enemy. The pillar of the fortress of Israel, which you will not slumber or sleep, protect Israel: “the enemy who arms himself against Israel does not sleep or slumber. 12. Oh, my Light! Without You I am in darkness: shine on me!” (About human poverty and the blessings of God) O light that no other light sees! Lordship that no other Lordship sees! A light that eclipses all light, and a lightness that blinds all outer brilliance! The light from which all light comes! The lordship from which all lordship comes! Radiance, before which all brilliance is darkness, before which all lightness is darkness! Light, before which all darkness is lightness, before which all gloominess is light, the highest Light, which blindness does not darken, darkness does not cover, which darkness does not overshadow, which no opposing thing stops, which is never separated by any shadow! The light that enlightens everything suddenly, once and always, may I plunge into the depths of Your lordship, may I see You everywhere in You, and me in You, and everything under You. Do not leave me, lest the darkness of my ignorance increase and my iniquities increase. For without You everything for me is darkness, everything is evil: since nothing is good without You, the true, one and highest Good. I confess this, I admit this, Lord my God! since, where I am without You, everything is evil for me, except You: not only outside of me, but also in me, since all abundance, which is not my God, is poverty for me. I am satisfied when Your glory appears to me. And You, Lord, my blessed life, make me confess my poverty before You, since I, having fallen away from the one good, the highest and only good, was deprived of spiritual treasures through carnal feelings by the diversity of temporary things; and wealth itself became burdensome to me and much poverty, when I chased after this and that and was not satisfied with anything; when I did not have You within me, the immutable and special indivisible single good, having received which, I have no need for anything; which, having received, I do not condole; which, having, satisfies my desire. Alas, poverty is worse than my poverty, when my poor soul moves away from You, with Whom it always abounds and rejoices, and follows the world, with whom it is always in poverty and suffers. The world cries out: I am exhausted; and You, O Lord, cry: I restore; and my depraved poverty prefers to follow the one who wears out rather than the one who restores. Verily, this is my weakness; Physician of souls, heal her, so that I confess to You, the salvation of my soul, with all my heart about all Your good deeds, which enrich me from my youth to old age and old age. I beg you, by yourself, do not leave me; You created me when I was not, you redeemed those who were perishing; I was perishing and was dead, You condescended to me, who died, and took upon Yourself the deadness; You, King, came to the slave, and gave Yourself up to redeem the slave. To revive me, You accepted death and defeated death. He restored me by humbling Himself. I perished, disappeared, was sold in sins: You sold yourself for me to redeem me; and You loved me so much that You gave Your blood for me as a price; You, O Lord, loved me more than Yourself, since You were pleased to die for me. Thus, at such a great price, You brought me back from captivity, redeemed me from slavery, delivered me from torment, called me by Your name, marked me with Your blood, so that the remembrance of You would always be in me and would never depart from my heart, since You did not depart from the cross for me. You anointed me with Your oil, with which You Yourself were anointed, so that from You Christ I might be called a Christian. I have inscribed me on Your palms, so that You will always remember me, if only I will constantly remember You. In this way Your grace and mercy have always warned me. For You have often delivered me from many and great troubles, my Deliverer! You guided me astray on the path, admonished the foolish, corrected the sinner, comforted the one in sorrow, strengthened the one tormented by despair, restored the one who fell, restrained the one who cried, brought the seeker, accepted the one who came, preserved the one sleeping, heard the one who cried out to You. 13. You see everything: “How can I not fear You?” (That God considers the deeds and intentions of men) You have done such and many other good deeds for me, O Lord my God, my Giver of Life, about which it is sweet for me to always speak, to always think, to always thank You, so that I may always praise You for all Your blessings and love You with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my thought, and with all my strength, with all the inside of my heart, and with all my feelings. Blessed is the sweetness, O Lord my God, of all who delight in You. And Your eyes saw what I did not do. Your eyes, I say, looking down upon all human paths and into the depths of the abyss, are brighter than the sun and always see the good and the evil in every place. Since You control everything, fill everything, are always present everywhere and provide for everything that You have created, for You do not despise anything that You have created: you look at my paths and paths, standing on my guard day and night, diligently supervising all my paths. The viewer is eternal! You seem to have forgotten all of Your creation, heaven and earth, and only consider me alone and care less about other creations. For in You the unchanging light of Your vision does not increase when You look at one, and does not decrease when You extend your gaze to countless and varied creatures. Therefore, just as You suddenly perceive everything completely, so Your eye sees each thing differently, completely and suddenly everything. But as all, so is one; and as one, so You contemplate each without division, or change, or diminishment. Therefore, in all time without time, all of me, you suddenly and always see, as if you were contemplating me alone, leaving everything else. So You watch over me, as if you had forgotten everything, You deign to watch over me alone. For You always appear to me when You find me ready. Wherever I go, You, Lord, do not leave me, unless I leave You first. Wherever I go, You do not depart from me; since You are everywhere, then wherever I go, I will find You everywhere: for through You only I can exist, so that I do not perish without You. I confess that whatever I do, I do it before You, and You see what I do better than I, the doer. For no matter what I do, You are always present, as the eternal Overseer of all my thoughts, undertakings, joys and deeds. Lord, all my desire is always before You, all my thoughts are before You. You, Lord, know where the spirit comes from, where it lives and where it is coming, since You are the Tester of all spirits. And whether that root is sweet or bitter, from which beautiful leaves grow, like the Judge, You know better, and you clearly see the very veins of the roots. And not only You disposition, but also the roots of this inner composition of the most revealing light of Your truth, You consider, calculate, see and notice, so that You will reward everyone not only according to deeds or intention, but also according to the very disposition of the hidden composition of the tree, from which the enterprise of the doer comes. Whatever I strive for in business, whatever I think and whatever amuses me, You see everything, Your ears hear, Your eyes see and consider; You observe, delve into, notice and write down in Your book good and evil, so that later you will reward for good, and torment for evil, when the books are opened and people are judged according to what is written in Your books. This is undeniable; for You Yourself told us: “I will see what their end will be” (Deut. 32:20); and this speaks about You, Lord! You consider the end of everything: since in all our affairs You look more at the end of the intention than at the action. And when I diligently discuss this, O Lord my God, terrible and omnipotent, I am embarrassed with great fear and shame, because we have a great need to live righteously and holy, since we do everything before the eyes of the all-seeing Judge. 14. Glory to you, Lord; We are ashamed (about the fact that man himself is powerless without the grace of God) Omnipotent, Almighty God of spirits and all flesh, whose eyes are above all the ways of the sons of Adam from the day of their birth to the day of their departure, may you reward everyone according to his deeds, good or evil! Teach me to confess my poverty before You: since I said within myself that I was rich and did not require anything, and did not understand that I was poor, blind, naked, poor and worthy of pity. For I, being nothing, thought that I would be something. I said to myself: I will become reasonable, and I became insane. I thought that I was prudent, and was deceived; and now I see that this is Your gift, without which we cannot do anything: for if You, O Lord, do not preserve the city, then the one who guards it watches in vain. You enlightened me so that I could know myself; for You left me and tested me, not for Your own sake, so that You might know me, but for my sake, so that I might know myself. Because, as I said, I thought, Lord, that I would be something of myself: I imagined that I was satisfied with myself, and did not understand that You controlled me; until he moved away somewhat from me, and I immediately fell within myself, then I already saw and knew that You control me; and that I fell was of me; and what has risen is from You. You opened my eyes, O Light, and awakened and enlightened me: I saw that human life on earth is a temptation and that no flesh can boast before You and no one living can be justified; since everything good, small or great, is Your gift, and ours is only evil. What shall all flesh boast of? Is it only evil? This is not glory, but poverty. Will he boast of good things? But isn't it a stranger? Yours, O Lord, is your goodness, yours is your glory. For whoever seeks glory for himself through Your goodness is a thief and a robber and is like the devil who wanted to steal Your glory. Since someone wants to boast about Your goodness and does not seek Your glory through it, but seeks his own, although he will be praised for his gift by people, he will be rejected from You: so he seeks not Your glory through Your gift, but his own glory. But the one praised by people, but despised by You, people will not protect at Your judgment and will not deliver from Your condemnation. But You, Lord my Creator, from my mother’s womb, do not allow me to fall into this reproach, so that I will not be reproached with the fact that I ever wanted to steal Your glory: glory be to You, for Whom is all good, but to us shame and poverty, for whom all are evil, unless You deign to have mercy. For You are merciful, O Lord; You have mercy on everything, and do not despise anything created: and you give us Your blessings, and enrich us, O Lord God, the poor, with Your most good gifts. Behold, Lord, we are Your poor children and Your little flock: open the doors to us, and the poor will eat, and those who seek You will be satisfied and praise You. For I know, Lord, and I confess according to Your inspiration, that only those who recognize themselves as poor and confess their poverty to You will be enriched by You; for those who think themselves rich, but are poor, will be removed from Your riches. For this reason, I confess to You, O Lord my God, my poverty, so that all Your praise may be Yours, since all the good things I have done are Yours. God! I confess before You that I am nothing more than all vanity, and the shadow of death, and some dark abyss, and empty land, which without Your blessing grows nothing and bears no fruit, but only shame, sin and death. If I ever had any good deed, I received it from You; Whatever good I have, I have received from You and is Yours. If I stood, I stood by You; but when I fell, I fell by myself: I would always have rolled around in the mud if You had not restored me; I would always be blind if You had not enlightened me. Having fallen, I would never have risen up if You had not helped me: and after Your restoration of me, I would always have fallen if You had not supported me. Often I would have perished if You had not controlled me. So always, Lord, so always Thy grace and Thy mercy warned me, delivering me from all evils, saving me from the past, restoring me from the present, protecting me from the future and breaking apart the sinful networks before me, taking away the cases and reasons for sin, since if You had not protected me, I would have committed all the sins. I know, Lord, that there is no sin committed by a person that another could not commit when the Creator who created him departs from him. But in whatever I have not sinned, You have done so; what I abstained from, You commanded, and what I believe in You, You instilled in me. For You, O Lord, have governed me; You gave me grace and light so that I would not commit adultery or any other sin. 15. We ourselves cannot be saved from the enemy: “Save yourself!” (About various temptations from the devil) There was no tempter, and so that he did not exist, You created this: there was no place and time, and you did this, that they did not exist. The tempter appeared, there was a place, there was a time; but because I did not agree to their machinations, You restrained me. The dark tempter came, and even though I despised him, You strengthened me. The tempter came armed and strong; but what did not overcome me, You curbed him. The tempter came, transformed into a bright angel; and that he did not deceive me, You forbade him; and that I recognized him, You enlightened me. He is that great and black dragon, the ancient serpent, called the devil and Satan, having seven heads and ten horns, whom You created to play in this great and spacious sea, in which countless animals reptile: both small and great animals, that is, various kinds of demons, which day and night do nothing else but flow around everywhere, looking for someone to devour, if You do not deliver. He is that ancient dragon that arose in the paradise of joy, which with its trunk tears away a third of the stars of heaven and throws it to the ground; who contaminates the waters of the earth with his poison, so that those who drink them die; and who throws gold like mud, and has hope that the Jordan will be swallowed up in his jaws; who became fearless and undaunted. And who will protect him from being hurt? Who will snatch it from his jaws, if not You, Lord, who crushed the heads of the great serpent? Help us! Spread, O Lord, Your wings, so that we may hide in them from the face of this dragon who is chasing us, and with Your shield deliver us from his horns. For this is the only thing he continually strives for, the only thing he strives for is to devour the souls created by You. And therefore, to You, God, we cry: deliver us from our ever-present enemy, who, whether we sleep or are awake, whether we eat or drink, or do any other thing, arms himself in all ways, attacks day and night, with sneakiness and deceit, either openly or secretly, directs poisonous arrows against us to kill our souls. But despite all this, our extreme madness: since we, constantly seeing the dragon against us, gaping with open jaws and ready to devour us, sleep without fear and bask in our carelessness, as if we had no danger from him, who seeks nothing else but our destruction. Our enemy is always vigilantly vigilant to destroy us; and for our own preservation, we do not want to awaken from sleep. So he spread countless nets before our feet and filled all our paths with various baits to catch our souls. Who will escape? He laid nets in wealth, he laid nets in poverty, he laid nets in food, in drink, in amusement, in sleep and in vigil; He laid the net in word and in deed and in all our paths. But You, Lord, deliver us from the snare of the snares and from the lips of the unrighteous, so that we confess before You, saying: Blessed is the Lord, who has not left us as a snare for their teeth. Our soul is like a bird that has escaped from the snare of its catchers. The network was crushed and we were delivered. 16. Without You, we cannot recognize the enemy’s snares: Show them yourself! You, Lord, are my Light! Enlighten my eyes, so that I may see the light, and walk in Your light, and not fall into the snare of the devil. For who can escape these many snares if he does not see them? And who will see them except the one whom You enlighten with Your light? Since he, the father of darkness, hid his nets in his darkness, so that with them he could catch all those who are in his darkness, the sons of this darkness, who do not see Your light, in which whoever walks will not be afraid. For he who walks in the day will not stumble, but he who walks in the night stumbles; because there is no light in it. You are the Light, O Lord: You are the Light of the sons of light: You are the Day that has no west, in which Your sons walk without stumbling, and without whom all who walk in darkness walk, because they do not have You, the true light of the world. So we see every day that the more someone moves away from You, the true Light, the more he is covered in the darkness of sin, and the further he enters into darkness, the less he sees the nets on his way, and the less he recognizes them, and therefore the sooner and more often he is caught and plunged into them, and, what is more terrible, he does not understand his fall. And whoever does not know his fall, the less he tries to rise, the more he thinks that he is still standing. But You, mental Light, Lord my God! Now enlighten my eyes, that I may see and know, so that I may not fall in the face of my enemies. For our enemy is trying to completely eradicate us; We pray to You that You will drive him away from our face, just as wax melts from the face of fire. Since he, Lord, is the first and last murderer, who created a plan to steal Your glory; because he, lifted up with pride, made a noise and rushed to his face, and You cast him down from Your holy mountain and from the midst of the fiery stones in the midst of which he walked. And now, my life, Lord my God, since then he has not ceased to persecute Your sons; and out of hatred for You, Great King! is trying to destroy this Thy creation, which Thy almighty goodness created in Thy image, so that he may receive Thy glory, which he lost through his pride. But crush him, our Fortress, before he devours us, Your lambs. Enlighten us, so that we may see his nets prepared for us, and let us run away to You, our joy! And You know all this better, Lord; because You know his enmity and his pride. Before the groans of Your greatness, I bring a complaint against my enemy, Eternal Judge, so that You punish him and deliver us, Your sons, whose strength is You Yourself. For, Lord, this enemy is cunning and sneaky, and all the cunning traces of his path will not soon be understood and the views of his face will be recognizable, if You do not enlighten, because here and there he shows himself, now a wolf, now a lamb, now darkness, now light; and for every quality, time and place, according to different changes in things, he makes different temptations: in order to deceive the sad, he himself becomes sad; In order to mock those who are rejoicing, he pretends to be cheerful himself. To deceive the spiritual he transforms himself into an angel of light; to overcome the strong he is a lamb; to devour the meek, he appears as a wolf. All this, according to the similarity of various temptations, appears in order to consume and frighten some with the fear of the night, others with flying arrows during the day, others with things that happen in the darkness, others with attacks, others with midday demons. And besides all this, who will understand his tricks, who will recognize him? Who will tell the type of clothing and his intrigues? Who will recognize him? It is he who hides his arrows in a quiver and places his nets under the guise of light; and this is difficult to see, unless we are enlightened by You, Lord, and see everything - because he hides subtle nets not only in carnal affairs, which are easily recognizable, not only in vices, but also in the most spiritual exercises, and under the guise of virtues shows vices, and turns into an angel of light. This, O Lord our God, and many other things, the son of Baal, Satan himself, does against us; and now like a lion, now like a dragon, openly and secretly, inside and outside, day and night, he attacks and tries to steal our souls. You deliver us, O Lord, who saves those who trust in You, O Lord our God. 17. Everything is from You: “How can I not thank You?!” (About the blessings of God) I am the son of Thy handmaid, who have entrusted myself to Thy right hand. I confess these wretched confessions to Thee, my Savior, with all my heart, and I will remember all Thy blessings which Thou hast shown me from my youth, throughout my whole life. I know that ingratitude is unpleasant to You, because it is the root of all spiritual evil and a certain wind that dries up and burns all good, blocking the source of Your divine mercy towards man. And I, Lord, thank You, may I not be ungrateful before You, my Savior, because You have preserved me. How many times did that dragon want to devour me, but you, Lord, delivered me from his jaws. When I sinned and he was preparing to devour me, You, Lord my God, protected me. When I lived indecently before You and violated Your commandments, then he was preparing to kidnap me to hell, but You forbade him. I angered You, but You protected me, I was not afraid of You, but You protected me. I moved away from You and gave myself over to my enemy, but You, so that he would not kidnap me, terrified him. Lord my God, You showed me such benefits, but I, unfortunate one, did not understand them. Many times You brought me, who did not understand, out of hell. I descended to the very gates of hell, but You kept me from entering it. I was already approaching the mortal gates, but You arranged that I was not imprisoned there. When I was overcome by serious illnesses, my Savior, when I was in danger on sea and on land, You kept me, from fire and sword and from all evil You delivered me. Thy mercy and Thy grace preceded me and delivered me from physical and mental death. You alone, my Creator, animate our souls and do not despise anything that You have created. I confess Your great good deeds, because You delivered me a thousand times from the underworld; I always longed for hell, but You always took me away. You would have done righteousness if you had punished me. But You did not want to do this to me, because You love our souls and cover human sins with repentance. Lord my God! “All the ways of the Lord are mercy and truth” (Ps. 24:10). You delivered my soul from the underworld. I was completely in death, but You resurrected me completely. Therefore, I will love You, Lord, my Life, I will love You, my unspeakable Joy. Lord my God, my Sanctifier, Your all is good. You command us to love You. Give Yourself what You command, and command whatever You wish. 18. Oh, flaming Love! Inflame me with love for You! (About ardent love for God) I love You, my God, and I always want to love You more, because You are sweeter than all honey, more nutritious than any food and more valuable than all gold and precious stones. Oh, Fire is always burning and never goes out! O Love, always flaming and never diminishing! Inflame me, so that I may be completely enflamed by You, and may I love You entirely, because he does not love You who, while loving something else, loves it not for You. I will love You, Lord, because You first loved me. But where can I find expressions to explain the signs of Your great love for me, for the sake of Your countless blessings with which You raised me from the very beginning? You created me from nothing, adorning me with the light of Your face, and with a little you made me lesser than the angels. But even this seemed small in the face of Your Divinity, because You fed me with the daily, special and great gifts of Your benefits and, like Your baby, You milked and strengthened me with the sucklings of Your consolation. For You have given everything that You have created to serve me, so that I may serve You alone. 19. Everything is for man, so that the whole man may be for You. (That God gave everything to serve man) Thou hast put all things under the feet of man, so that only one man may be entirely submissive to Thee, so that the whole man may be Thine and rule over all Thy works. For You created all external things for the body, the body for the soul, and the soul for You, so that it would be occupied with You alone and love You alone, possessing You for comfort, and external things as servants. Everything that is embraced by the circle of heaven is below the human soul, which was created in order for it to possess the highest good, and in its possession to be blessed, and with joy to see the face of eternal immortality, its Lord. Then she will enjoy in the house of God those blessings, in comparison with which all the things we see here seem insignificant. You, O Lord my God, have given light to our body, so that we can see, through the hand of Your tireless servants, the sun and the moon, who, at Your command, continually serve Your sons day and night. For breathing You gave man purity of air, for hearing a variety of voices, for smelling aroma, for taste its qualities, for touching You clothed the body in sensual compositions. To help with needs, You gave livestock. You have appointed the birds, the fish of the sea, and the fruits of the earth to strengthen man. He created medicines for all his diseases on earth. He prepared every relief against every evil. For You are merciful and generous and know our composition, You are our potter, and we are all like clay in Your hand. 20. If there are many blessings here: “what will it be like there?” (From the consideration of temporal goods the superiority of heavenly goods is known) May Your mercy be revealed to me by Your light! Enlighten me even more, so that I may see him more clearly, because we come to know from these small blessings Your great ones and from the visible, invisible Your blessings, O Lord God, our holy and good Creator! For if You, Lord, for this inglorious and corruptible body, show such great and countless benefits from heaven and air, from earth and sea, from light and darkness, from warmth and darkness, dew and rain, from winds, birds and fish, livestock and trees, and from various herbs and plants of the earth, and from the service of all Your creatures, alternately serving us for our relief, then how great and countless will be those benefits, which You have prepared for those who love You in that heavenly fatherland, where we will see You face to face? If You give us such blessings in prison, what will You give in Your house? Great and innumerable are Your deeds, O Lord, Heavenly King! If such are the consolations on this day of mourning, what kind will you show on the day of marriage? If prison has such joys, what kind of joys will there be in the fatherland? The eye has not seen what You have prepared for those who love You, for You are great, O Lord my God, incomprehensible and immeasurable, and there is no limit to Your greatness, there is no number of Your wisdom, there is no measure to Your compassion. So there is no limit, no number, no measure to Your reward! You are great, and great are Your gifts, because You Yourself are the reward of Your warriors. 21. The sweetness of my soul! I don’t want any other consolation except You! (Divine sweetness destroys temporary bitterness) With these great blessings of Yours, O Lord God, the sanctification of Your saints, You will complete the deficiency of Your hungry sons; because You Yourself are the hope of the desperate, You are the crown of hope, adorned with glory, prepared for those who overcome. You are an endless consolation, given only to those who, for the sake of Your eternal consolation, despise the sins of this world - because everyone who is having fun here is not worthy of Your consolation. But here those who are tormented delight in You, and those who participate in suffering also participate in consolation, because no one can be comforted either in that age or in this age. But he must lose one thing who wants to get another. When I think about this, O Lord, my Comforter! then I put aside earthly consolation in order to become worthy of Your eternal consolations. You are an incomparable sweetness, with which all bitterness delights. Thy sweetness sweetened the flowing stones for Stephen. Your sweetness to blessed Lawrence filled the skull of the head with sweetness. The apostles, intoxicated by Your sweetness, walked from the Sanhedrin rejoicing that they were worthy to accept reproach for Your name. Andrew walked boldly to the cross, rejoicing that he was approaching Your sweetness. To achieve it, Bartholomew gave his own skin. To taste it, John drank a cup filled with poison. Peter tasted it and exclaimed in ecstasy: “Lord! It’s good for us to be here; let us make three kushas” (Mark 9:5; Luke 9:33): let us remain here, let us always see You, for we do not demand anything else. This is bliss, Lord our God, which we expect from You, for which we serve You unceasingly, for which we mortify ourselves all day long, so that we may live in Your life. 22. Without You we cannot enter Your eternal abodes! (All our hope and desire of heart should be directed towards God) You, Lord, are our hope, our desire, towards whom our spirit strives, hasten and do not delay. Arise, hasten and come, that You may bring us out of this prison to confess to Your name. And I, a youth among the youths of Your house, O God, Father and my strength, when will I come and appear before Your face? Blessed will I be if I see Your glory. I know, Lord, I know that I am not worthy to enter under Your roof, but not to disgrace Your servant who trusts in You. And who will enter Your sanctuary to see Your powers, unless You open it? If You imprison a person, no one will set him free. If You hold back the water, everything will dry up. And if you let them in, they will drown the earth. If You turn everything that you have created into nothing, then who will contradict You? Eternal is the goodness of Your mercy, by which You have created everything that You willed. You created us, do not disdain us, because we are Your creation. Lord our God, we are like dust and worms, we cannot enter into Your eternity if You do not bring us in, Yourself, Who created everything from nothing. 23. You are my hope: “whether I want or not, save me!” (Our salvation depends on God) I am the work of Your hands, “establish my heart in the fear of Your name” (Ps. 85:11), because I do not trust in my bow and my sword will not save me, “but Your right hand and Your arm and the light of Your countenance” (Ps. 43:4). Otherwise I would have despaired, if You, my Creator, had not been my hope; because You do not forsake those who trust in You. Do not be angry with us when we fall; for You know our weak constitution, O Lord our God. Do You, God of inexpressible sweetness, want to show Your strength against the dust thrown up by the wind, and will You crush the withered reed? Will You punish the most despicable worm? We have heard about Your mercy, that You do not create death and do not rejoice over the destruction of the dying. Everything is in Your will, and no one can resist it. You do what you want. To desire belongs to me, but to do, I do not find. I cannot want good if You don’t want it; and whatever I want, I cannot do, unless Your power strengthens me. And what I can, sometimes I don’t want, if Your will is not done, both in heaven and on earth. And what I want and can do, I do not understand if Your wisdom does not enlighten me. So may Your will be done in us! Who will deliver us from the hand of hell, if You alone do not deliver, the Life that quickens all life, by which all live? 24. From experience I see that I can’t do anything: “You save me!” (To accomplish good deeds, human will alone is not enough without the grace of God) How can I confess before You, the praise of my life, O Lord my God, the power of my salvation? I once trusted in my strength, which, however, I did not have. When I thought that I was standing, then I fell more and turned back again, rather than walking and stretching into the distance; and what he intended to receive became more distant from me. The more I relied on my own strength, the less I could always. I said: I will do this, I will do that; but he did neither this nor that. There was a desire, but there was no ability; I had the ability, but there was no desire, since I relied on my own strength. And now I understand that man will not be strengthened by his own strength, because it is not up to him to want what he can, or to be able to do what he wants, or to understand what he can, but through You the paths of men are governed. We pray to You, Lord, save Your creation; for in Your will is the power of our salvation. 25. I languish in the uncertainty of the future: “My hope, do not leave me!” (About the ancient benefits of God) Remember Your ancient mercies, with which You from the beginning preceded us in the blessings of Your sweetness. Before I was born, You preceded me, preparing the way for me to follow and enter into the glory of Your house. Before I was formed in my mother’s womb, You knew me, and before I left the womb, You ordained everything that was pleasing in Your sight. In the face of Your eternity, the very future has already taken place. But I know nothing, and fear attacks me when I see that I am surrounded on all sides by many disasters. And if it weren’t for Your help, I would have fallen into despair. But I have great hope in You, merciful God, and thinking about Your mercies strengthens my hope, so that I may rejoice in You, O Lord my God, holy and living joy with which You rejoice my youth. 26. For the sake of Your love for us, Your angels love us as their brothers (About guardian angels) You loved me, my only Love, before I began to love You. You created angels for me, Your spirits, whom You commanded to guard me in all my ways. They were sent for those who receive the inheritance of salvation, so that they would deliver them from their enemies, also strengthen and instruct them, and bring the prayers of Thy sons before the face of the glory of Thy majesty. They love us and are present with us with vigilant diligence; they help us at every time and in every place and carefully walk among us. Our groanings and sighs are brought to You to ask us for Your mercy and bring us the blessings of Your grace. Angels come and go with us; They diligently watch how we live in the midst of a corrupt generation and with what zeal we seek Your kingdom. They help the working people, cover the vacationers, exhort the fighting, crown the victorious. The angels do all this in honor of Your love with which You have loved us - because they love what You love, keep those whom You protect, and forsake those whom You forsake, and do not love those who do iniquity, since You hate all those who do iniquity. When we do good, the angels rejoice. Great are Your blessings with which You have blessed us by giving us angels, Your spirits, to serve us. May all Your angels praise You, O Lord, and may Your saints bless You. Oh, our glory, glorifying us immeasurably! What is man, that You attach Your heart to him? Is not man rotten and the son of man a worm? And You consider such a person worthy to look at him and bring him to judgment with You. 27. The only pure one, who is pure before You, if You Yourself do not cleanse Your chosen ones? (About God's foreknowledge) Instruct me, O deepest abyss, all-creating wisdom, who hung mountains and hills in scales and established the vastness of the earth with three fingers. The light that shone before all light on the holy mountains of ancient eternity, before which everything was naked and open before creation. Light, hating all filth, as the most immaculate and pure! What kind of fun do you have with a person? What is the message of light with darkness? Where have you prepared a worthy sanctuary for yourself in me? Where is such a pure church located in a person to perceive You? Who can make someone conceived from an unclean seed clean? Aren't you the only one who is pure? We can only be clean when You cleanse us. And You purify those in whom You are pleased to dwell, whom You predestined without their merits before the world, You called out of the world, You justified in the world, and You glorify after the world. Those whom You have chosen for Yourself out of many for Your church, You purify by pouring pure water on them, whose names You know, written in the book of life, who cannot perish in any way, and for whom all things work together for good. When they fall, they are not broken, since You have laid down Your right hand, guarding all their bones, so that not one of them will be broken. 28. I tremble at the thought of how changeable man is and how righteous You are, Judge of the earth! (On the incomprehensibility of God's destinies) Great are Thy judgments, O Lord God, righteous and mighty Judge, judging righteousness and doing the incomprehensible, about whom when I reason, all my bones tremble. A person must live his whole life piously and serve You with trembling, let neither the righteous nor the unrighteous boast before You, let not all flesh boast before You, but let him fear and tremble at Your face, since man does not know whether he is worthy of love or hate; but all this is kept unknown for the future. We have seen many how they ascended to the very sky and settled between the stars, but then fell to the very abyss. We saw that the stars, torn away by the dragon's tail, fell from the sky; and those who lay in the dust of the earth, from the presence of Thy rising right hand, O Lord, were lifted up miraculously. We saw that those who walked among the fiery stones turned to nothing like dust. We saw that the light dimmed and out of darkness came light, as tax collectors and harlots warn the inhabitants of the kingdom of heaven, and the sons of the kingdom are cast out into utter darkness. 29. You alone can satisfy the desire of my soul and no one else but You (The soul of the righteous is the sanctuary of God) The soul that You created by Your Word, not from matter, but from nothing, can only be filled with You alone, and not with anything else. And when she has You, then her desire is fulfilled and she has nothing left to desire. You are the highest good, and she cannot wish for anything else. When she desires any creation, she has a constant hunger, since although she will receive what she wants, she remains empty, because nothing can fill her except You, in whose image she was created. But You fill those who desire nothing else but You, and You make them worthy of You, holy, blessed, friends of God, since they count everything as nothing in order to gain You alone. This is the bliss that You showed to man, this is the honor with which You placed him among all and above all creatures. You honored him for the glorification of Your name throughout the whole earth. Behold, Lord my God, most good, all-powerful, I have found Your place of abode; because You live in the soul created by You, which seeks and desires You alone; and not in the one who does not seek You and does not desire You. 30. I looked for You in the world, but found only in myself, for You Yourself revealed Yourself to me (Neither external nor internal feelings can you find God) I got lost, like a lost sheep, looking for You outside of me. And I worked hard, looking for You outside of myself; and You live in me, if I only desire You. I walked everywhere through the villages and crossroads of this world, looking for You, but I did not find You anywhere; since I sought in vain for that which was outside of me. I sent my messengers - all the external senses - to find You, but I did not find You. I see, O God, my Light, which enlightened me, that I sought Thee through them in a bad way; for You are in my interior, and they did not know when You entered into me. For my eyes tell me: “If He has no color, then He did not enter through us.” The ears say: “If He did not make any sound, then He did not pass through us.” The sense of smell informs: “If He has no smell, then he did not enter me.” Taste answers: “If He has no taste, then He did not enter through me.” And touch adds: “if He is not corporeal, then there is no need to ask me about Him.” So, there is none of this in You, my God! Nothing like these feelings. When I seek my God, let it not be that I consider that my God is something that even beasts understand. But when I seek my God, I seek light, which is greater than any light that the eye cannot contain; a certain voice that is greater than any voice that the ear cannot accommodate; a certain fragrance that is greater than any fragrance that the sense of smell cannot accommodate; a certain sweetness that is greater than any sweetness that the taste does not understand; some embrace, which is greater than any embrace, which the sense of touch does not contain. This light shines where the place does not embrace; this voice is heard where the spirit is not interrupted; this fragrance spreads there where the wind does not breathe; This taste is felt there, where there is no urge to eat; this embrace is felt there, where it is not broken. This is my God, and no other can compare with Him. This is what I seek when I seek my God. I love this when I love my God. Late I loved You, beauty ancient and new. You were inside me, and I was outside and there I was looking for You, and I got stuck in these beautiful things You created. You were with me, but I was not with You. I walked around everything, looking for You, and for the sake of everything I left myself. I asked the air, and the whole air with all its inhabitants told me: “Anaximenes is being deceived” (the philosopher); I am not your God. I asked the sky, the sun, the moon and the stars; and they told me: we are not your God. Then I asked the vastness of the world: tell me, are you my God or not? And she answered me with a great voice: It was not I, but He who created me, Whom you seek. And whoever I asked, they answered me: God created us. And I returned to myself, went into myself and began to talk about this, asking myself: who are you? Where does this living creature come from? Where, if not from You, O Lord my God? You created me, not I myself. Who are you? You by whom I live; You through whom all things live. Who are you? You, Lord my true God, alone are omnipotent and eternal, incomprehensible and immeasurable, Who always lives, and nothing dies in You. You are immortal and inhabit eternity. You are wonderful to the sight of angels. You are unspeakable and nameless. God is living, without beginning or end, the beginning of everything and the end; Who exists before the ages and before every beginning of the ages. You are my God and the Lord of all creations, and You are the cause of all unchangeable things and the beginning of all changeable things. No one can be the artist of his own composition. Everything that exists exists from You, because without You nothing happens. You are the Source of life from whom all life flows. Everything that lives lives through You, and without You nothing lives. I thank You, my Light, that You have enlightened me. You are the unapproachable Light and the unimaginable radiance, to which no light reaches. Who can know You, Whom no man has ever seen, and cannot see? Only You know Yourself and contemplate miraculously. One Trinity knows Itself alone completely. None of the angels have ever seen Your heaven, Lord, which hides the secret, above-reasonable light. This “heaven is the heaven of the Lord” (Ps. 113:24). It is wonderfully exalted above all heaven. It is unknown to anyone except the Lord; No one entered it, only He who descended from heaven. You, Holy Trinity, surpass every reason, every concept, every mind, every nature of the heavenly spirits; The angelic mind cannot express you, nor imagine you, nor understand you, nor know you. The seraphim and cherubim do not comprehend you, but with the wings of their contemplation they hide their faces from Him who sits on the throne. How can a person know You? How did I know You? I knew You not as You are in Yourself, but I knew You as You are in relation to me, but even then with You, because You are the Light that enlightened me. What You are in Yourself, only You know. And what You are like in Your grace towards me, that is what I have come to know. But let me, dust and ashes, speak before Thy mercy. Tell me, tell me, Your humble servant, what are You in relation to me? And Your voice thundered from on high into the inner ears of my heart and broke my deafness, and I heard Your voice and knew that You are my God. That's why I said that I knew You. I have come to know You, the only true God, and Whom You sent, Jesus Christ. You enlightened me, Light of the world, and I saw You and loved You, because no one loves You except the one who sees You; and no one sees You except the one who loves You. I fell in love with You too late, your beauty is as old as it is new. I loved You too late. Woe to the time in which I did not love You. 31. I have come to know You in the Glorious Trinity and I worship You (Confession of true faith) I thank You, my Light, that You enlightened me and I came to know You. How did I know You? I came to know You, the only God, my living and true Creator; I knew You, the Creator of heaven and earth, visible and invisible, Almighty God, indescribable, limitless, eternal, inaccessible, incomprehensible, inconceivable, immeasurable, infinite, the beginning of all visible and invisible creatures, by whom all things were created and all the elements stand. I have come to know You and confess You, God the Father, unbegotten, You, the Son, begotten of the Father, and the Holy Spirit of the Comforter, not begotten, but proceeding from the Father, the Holy and indivisible Trinity, in three equal Persons, one in nature and coeternal: the Trinity in Unity and the Unity in Trinity. I believe in the truth in my heart and confess with my lips for salvation. I came to know You, the true God and our Lord Jesus Christ, the Only Begotten Son of God, Creator, Savior and Redeemer of me and the entire human race; Whom I confess of the Father, begotten before the ages, God from God, light from light; true God from true God, not created, but begotten, consubstantial with the Father and the Holy Spirit; “all things came into being through Him” (John 1:3); I firmly believe and truly confess You, the Only Begotten God Jesus Christ, for the salvation of people from the entire Trinity, incarnate from the Ever-Virgin Mary, conceived by the assistance of the Holy Spirit, becoming a true man, consisting of the rational soul and human flesh. In Divinity, impassive and immortal, You, in Your immeasurable love with which You loved us, the same Son of God, in humanity became servile and mortal to us; For the salvation of the human race, You alone, the Son of God, deigned to endure suffering and death on the tree of the cross, in order to save us from eternal death. And into hell, where our fathers sat in darkness, You, the Chief of Light, descended, and on the third day you rose with glory, receiving the sacred body that lay dead in the tomb for our sins and came to life, according to Scripture, on the third day. Having freed those sitting in hell, the true Son of God - with the essence of our flesh, that is, with the soul and flesh of man, received from the Virgin - ascended above all heaven, where you sit at the right hand of God the Father, where is the source of life. We worship You, the true God Jesus Christ, and believe, confessing, and we wait for Your coming for the judgment of the living and the dead and for the reward of all good and evil according to their deeds, when all people are resurrected from the voice of Your power. I came to know You, the true God, the one, the Holy Spirit, proceeding from the Father, consubstantial and coeternal with the Father and the Son, our Comforter and Advocate, our God and Lord Jesus Christ, who descended in the form of a dove and appeared on the apostles in tongues of fire, Who taught all the saints of God by the gift of Your grace. With all my heart I glorify Your name and worship You, Who by Your anointing guides us into all truth, Life-giving Light, emanating from the Father of lights and through His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, sent into the world, with Whom it is co-essential, equal and eternal, abiding in the essence of the one Trinity, co-glorified and co-reigning. I came to know You, the one living and true God, Father and Son and Holy Spirit, threefold in persons, one in essence; Whom I confess, worship and glorify with all my heart, the one true God, immortal, unchangeable, unthinkable; one light, one bread, one life. May heaven and earth bless God, who created heaven and earth. 32. I did not look for You - You sought me: “I thank You, my Enlightener!” (Confession of one's spiritual blindness) Who is like You, Lord? Who will be like You, great in holiness, awesome, praiseworthy, and performer of miracles? I came to know You late. I was completely in darkness, son of darkness. I was blind, I loved my blindness and walked from darkness to darkness. Who brought me out from where I was, a blind man sitting in darkness and the shadow of death? Who took me by the hand and led me out of there? You, You, Lord my God, are merciful and generous, the Father of mercies and the God of all joy. You have called me into Your wonderful light, and now I see. I thank You, my enlightener, because there is no light outside of You. 33. Mysterious God! Enlighten my eyes, that I may see You face to face! (About the greatness of God) Holy of holies, God of incomprehensible majesty, God of gods and Lord of lords, wonderful, ineffable, from whom the angelic powers in heaven tremble, to whom all dominions and thrones worship, and at whose presence all powers tremble; Whose power and wisdom are without number; Who founded the world on nothing and bound the sea in the air as in a bottle; Almighty, most holy God of spirits and all flesh, from whose face heaven and earth flee, before whose wave all the elements servilely serve! May all Your creatures worship You and glorify You! Behold, I see the light of heaven, a ray shines in the eyes of my thoughts from on high from the face of Your light and gladdens all my bones. Woe to blind eyes that do not see You, Sun, who illuminates heaven and earth! Oh, the most blessed Light, Which can only be seen with pure eyes! Thank you, my Light. Here, I see! May my vision spread, I pray, through You. Open my eyes, that I may see wonders from Your law. I see, but still in the mirror and fortune telling. But when face to face? When will the day of joy and rejoicing come, in which I will enter the place of a wonderful village, even the house of God, so that I may see him who sees me face to face, and my desire will be satisfied? 34. When I come and appear before Your face, my God! (About the soul's longing for God) As a deer strives for springs of water, so my soul thirsts for You, God, my soul thirsts for You, God, the living fountain! When will I come and appear before the face of God? O stream of living waters! When will I come to the waters of Your sweetness from an empty, impenetrable and waterless land, may I see You and quench my thirst with the waters of Your mercy? I'm thirsty, Lord! You are the source of life: quench my thirst. I thirst, Lord, I thirst for You, the living God. Oh, when will I come and appear before the face of God? When will I come and appear before Your face, O Lord my God? Will I see that day, the day of joy, the day that the Lord has made, so that we may rejoice and be glad on it? Oh, beautiful day, which has no evening, on which I will hear: enter the house of your Lord, where everything is great, wonderful, which has no number! There will be everything you want, and there will be nothing you don’t want. There is eternal bliss and joy greater than any joy. Oh, the eternal kingdom, the kingdom of all ages! Oh, the kingdom of beauty, in which the souls of the righteous rest in peace and eternal joy is in their eyes, and from where sickness and sighing have fled. There the clothes of the righteous are light, there beauty never fades, youth does not grow old, there love never grows cold, there health does not diminish, illness is not felt, joy eternally rejoices. 35. Then I will be satisfied (About the glory of the kingdom of heaven) When will we come to You and see You no longer in the mirror and in fortune telling, but face to face? Then our desire will be satisfied in good things, because there is nothing left for us to desire. There we will see, love and glorify You. There in Your light we will see light. What kind of light? Immeasurable light, incorporeal light, incorruptible, incomprehensible, undiminished light, unquenchable light, uncreated light, divine light, which enlightens the eyes of angels, which gladdens the youth of the saints, which is the Light of lights, which You are, O Lord my God. May my heart always say to You: “With all my heart I seek You” (Ps. 119:10); “I will seek Your face, O Lord” (Ps. 27:8). And since I always ardently, continually seek Your face, perhaps the door and gates of righteousness will finally open to me, so that I may enter into the joy of my Lord. This is the gate of the Lord into which the righteous will enter. 36. I knock - open to me, Lord! (Prayerful sighing to the Most Holy Trinity) Oh, three equal and eternal Persons, my true God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Who alone lives in eternity and unapproachable light; Who founded the earth by His power and controls the movement of the earth by His wisdom! Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God of hosts, awesome and mighty, righteous and merciful, wonderful, praiseworthy, beloved. One God, three Persons; one nature, power, wisdom, goodness, one and indivisible Trinity! Open the gates of righteousness to me who cry, “I will enter into them and glorify the Lord” (Ps. 118:19). Here are your doors, the highest owner of this house, I push the beggar! You commanded to open the door to the one pushing, Who said: “Knock and it will be opened” (Matthew 7:7) - because the desires of my yearning heart and the cries of my tearful eyes strike at Your doors, most merciful Father. All my desire is before You, and my sighing is not hidden from You. And You, Lord, “do not hide Your face from me” (Ps. 26:9) and do not turn away from Your servant in anger. Father of generosity, hear the cry of the orphan and give Thy hand, a good helper, may He draw me from the depths of the waters, and from the swamp of poverty, and from the filth of iniquity, so that I may not perish in the sight of the mercy of Thy face and Thy merciful compassion, but may I come to You, my Lord God, to see the riches of Thy kingdom and always to behold Thy face and praise Thy holy name. God! Who works miracles, Who makes my heart glad with the memory of You, Who enlightens youth, do not despise my old age, but make all my bones glad and renew my old age. You might be interested in: