On the difficulties of religious life in childhood and adolescence

A report read in the religious-pedagogical Cabinet and in a group of leaders of the Sunday-Thursday school in Montparnasse. Knowledge of God must be distinguished from knowledge of God. The first is the direct perception of God by the inner sense, the second is the property of the mind and memory. The Gospel says about the first: “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent” (John 17:3). The prophet Isaiah speaks about the same thing: “The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master’s crib, but Israel does not know Me” (Is. 1:3). And the very word “religion” means not a simple concept of God, but a living connection between living beings - man and God. The law of God taught in schools is not intended to give children knowledge of God (it presupposes this knowledge to already exist); he gives children only knowledge about God. And since knowledge about God, like any other knowledge, is assimilated only by the mind and memory, then the study of the Law of God in school usually becomes an abstract, external assimilation of religious truths that does not penetrate into the depths of the soul. When I studied at the theological school and gymnasium, of the nine-year course of the Law of God that I completed, only the preparatory class course left an impression on me, which is still preserved in my memory and in my heart, perhaps because the teacher was able to give his teaching a special clarity and sincere simplicity. The lessons of the Law of God in high school passed for my spiritual life and even for my memory, except for some anecdotal cases, completely without a trace. I did not receive any bright, deep impression, and my religious life went on completely independently of the lessons of the Law of God. Meanwhile, regardless of the lessons of the Law of God, a religious life existed in me, in my early childhood. I really felt the presence of God - and this feeling was reflected in the love of visiting church, in the love of church hymns, in festive religious customs, in reading books of religious content, especially the Lives of the Saints, in the love of home prayer, in reading akathists, in religious processions, etc. As a child, I was not bored in church, and when I learned to read, I spent my little pocket money not on delicacies, but on buying the Lives of the Saints. And this religious life was in me not because I somehow recognized God with my external feelings, as an object external to me. Such knowledge of God is generally impossible, so when unbelievers say that they do not believe in God because they have never seen Him, and no one else has seen Him or can see Him, they make a grave mistake by applying to the knowledge of God the way in which we know the visible objects around us. On the other hand, no one ever in my early childhood tried to prove to me through various arguments the existence of God; there was no need for this. Yes, even if someone did this, he would give me only external knowledge of what God can or should be, but not the very perception of God as a living being. I, like every other child, knew God in my early childhood not by external experience and not by the arguments of reason, but directly, by internal perception, because I was created in the image and likeness of God. Being like God, man, thanks to his godlikeness, internally and directly perceives God and knows Him. This inner perception of God is common to all people. If we cease to feel God within ourselves, it is not because we are not capable of this, but because the feeling of God is drowned out in us either by the delusions of our proud mind, or by the sinfulness of our corrupt heart. To come to the knowledge of God does not mean to find God outside of ourselves, as some external object, or to be convinced of His existence by some logical arguments, it means in some mysterious way to enable our inner “I” to see God with our inner eye. From this it is clear that no increase in theological knowledge can achieve knowledge of God. The Jewish scribes, strong in theological learning, were not able to discern in Jesus Christ His divine power, which was seen in him by simple fishermen, tax collectors and harlots. And in our time, theological, seminary and academic education does not provide religiosity. If the knowledge of God is achieved through the inner vision of the heart, then the main work, the main task of religious influence and education is to be able to preserve or awaken in the guided this inner vision of the heart or, in other words, to make such a change in his heart that his spiritual eyes are opened to the vision of God. Of course, I do not at all want to deny the value and importance of theological education and teaching of the Law of God; I just want to point out that knowledge of God must be clearly distinguished from knowledge about God, and, while communicating the latter to children, do not think that this exhausts the task of religious leadership. Knowledge about God is undoubtedly necessary, since it gives specific content to our knowledge of God: it clarifies for us our concept of God, the relationship of God to the world and the world to God. A child's soul, especially one reborn in the sacrament of baptism, has the natural ability to know God. This is probably what the Lord Jesus Christ means when he says: “Unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). “I praise You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because You hid these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to babes” (Matthew 11:25). “Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:4). “The pure in heart...shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). Some people retain this quality of inner, direct vision of God throughout their lives. These are, first of all, the saints: Rev. Sergius of Radonezh, Rev. Seraphim of Sarov and others. They did not come to the knowledge of God from external experience and not through reasoning and logical conclusions. They knew God as directly as we directly perceive the light and warmth of the sun. Nobody proves the existence of the sun. The Bible does not prove the existence of God, the saints do not seek proof of the existence of God. To make the recognition of the existence of God dependent on the considerations of our mind, constantly fluctuating and changing depending on the insight of our mind and the stock of our knowledge, would mean grounding the undoubted with the doubtful, or viewing the sun with the help of a dim candle. But not only saints, but also ordinary people sometimes, throughout their entire lives, retain the gift of direct, living and undoubted perception of the existence of God, and this is especially characteristic of simple and humble people, free from the temptations of a proud mind or an impure heart. Why do some people turn out to be able to know God and believe in Him until the end of their days, while others lose faith in their youth? How does this loss of faith occur and by what means is it possible to preserve or return it? Before answering this question, I want to say a few words to those who say that there is no need to “force” religious beliefs on children. Religious faith cannot be forced upon a person; it is not something extraneous to man, it is a necessary need of human nature, the most important content of man’s inner life. When we make sure that a child grows up truthful and kind, we develop in him the correct concept of beauty, a taste for beauty, we do not impose on him anything alien or unusual for his nature, we only help him to extract from himself, as if freeing him from swaddling clothes, to discern in himself those properties and movements that are generally characteristic of the human soul. The same must be said about knowing God. According to the principle of not imposing anything on a child’s soul, we would generally have to refuse any assistance to the child in the development and strengthening of his mental strength and abilities. We would have to completely leave him to his own devices until he grows up and figures out for himself what he should be like and what he shouldn’t be. But by doing this we would not save the child from extraneous influences on him, but would only give these influences a disorderly and arbitrary character. Let us return to the question - why do some people retain constant, unshakable faith in their souls until the end of their days, while others lose it, sometimes lose it completely, and sometimes return to it with great difficulty and suffering? What is the reason for this phenomenon? It seems to me that it depends on what direction a person's inner life takes in his early childhood. If a person, instinctively or consciously, manages to maintain the correct relationship between himself and God, he does not fall away from the faith; if his own “I” takes a primacy and dominant place in his soul that is inappropriate for him, faith in his soul will be eclipsed. In early childhood, one’s own personality usually does not yet come first and is not made an object of worship. This is why it is said: “Unless you are converted and become like children, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.” Over the years, our own personality grows more and more in us, becoming the center of our attention and the subject of our pleasure. And this self-centered egoistic life usually goes in two directions - in the direction of sensuality, service to the body, and in the direction of pride, narrow trust and admiration for reason in general, and one’s own in particular. It usually happens that both directions are not combined in the same person. For some, the temptations of sensuality predominate, while for others, the temptations of rationality prevail. With age, sensuality sometimes turns into sexual unhealthyness, from which rational and proud natures are free. Sensuality and pride, as two types of serving one’s own personality, are precisely those properties that, as we know, manifested themselves in the original sin of primordial people and erected a barrier between them and God. What happened to primordial people also happens to us. The unhealthy direction of our inner life from childhood, leading to the development in us of either sensuality or pride, pollutes the purity of our inner, spiritual vision, depriving us of the opportunity to see God. We move away from God, we are left alone in our selfish life and with all the ensuing consequences. This is the process of our falling away from God. For those people who manage to maintain a correct relationship with God, the process of developing egoistic, sensual and proud dispositions encounters an obstacle in the memory of God; they preserve in themselves both purity of heart and humility of mind; both their body and mind are brought within their boundaries by their religious consciousness and duty. They look at everything that arises in their souls, as if from a certain height of their religious consciousness, make a proper assessment of their feelings and aspirations and do not allow them to take possession of them uncontrollably. Despite all the temptations that befall them, they do not lose the main religious direction of their life. Thus, the task and difficulty of religious leadership is to help a child, boy, youth or girl maintain the correct relationship between himself and God, and not allow the temptations of sensuality and pride to develop in himself, which clog the purity of inner vision. Remembering my youth, I must admit that it was precisely through the internal process I indicated that the loss of religiosity occurred in me at the age of 13–14. The desires of sensuality and excessive trust in the mind, the pride of rationality that developed in me, deadened my soul. And I’m not alone, many of my comrades suffered from the same thing. If there were an observant and experienced leader around us and looked into our soul, then perhaps he would find something good in it, but mainly he would find in it laziness, delicacy, deceit, secrecy, arrogance, excessive confidence in one’s own strengths and capabilities, a critical and skeptical attitude towards other people’s opinions, a tendency to hasty and rash decisions, stubbornness and a trusting attitude towards all negative theories and τ.d. If only he would not have found in our soul the memory of God and the inner silence and humility it gives birth to. We did not have such a leader. Our teacher of the law, a very respectable archpriest, barely had time to ask us the lessons of the Law of God and explain further. And these lessons had for us the same external and indifferent character as all other lessons. Outside of lessons, we did not and could not see the teacher of the law. We treated confession, the only one of the year, with little consciousness. And nothing prevented us from spiritually fading and dying. In an American manual for religious youth leaders, I had to read some advice on how to handle this matter. I will not say that these tips are entirely satisfactory. They say - teach children in the circumstances of their everyday life, at home and at school, to notice the presence of God and you can keep their faith. This is not entirely true. Believing children, undoubtedly, always see the presence of God in their everyday life, but the trouble is that this does not prevent them from losing faith at an older age, and what in their childhood they explained by the obvious influence of God, in adolescence already appears to them in a different light, and they begin to consider their childhood faith as a naive delusion. Considerations that seem very solid and convincing in childhood cease to satisfy an adult. When I was 11–12 years old, I once could not solve a difficult problem given to us. I worked my way over it all evening in vain. When I went to bed, I prayed earnestly that the Lord would help me solve the problem. At night I dreamed of a solution to this problem and in the morning, jumping out of bed, I joyfully wrote it down, and my soul was full of a deep, grateful feeling for God, of whose help I had no doubt. When I turned 17, this childhood experience of mine did not in the least prevent me from considering myself an unbeliever; I explained what happened as the unconscious work of a rested mind. This incident shows that our childhood conclusions about God's participation in our lives do not in any way ensure that we maintain faith in our youth. In general, youth tends to be skeptical about everything, and especially about what is proposed by elders as an undeniable and obligatory truth for youth, or what was instilled in them by elders in childhood. They say read the Bible to your children: the Bible will teach them to know God. There is no doubt, of course, that the word of God heard in childhood leaves its mark on the soul and bears fruit in due time. However, even in this case, what matters is not the persuasiveness of biblical truths for the mind, but something else, deeper: the change of heart produced by the word of God. If the Bible remains only a possession of the mind and memory, it will not help preserve the faith. Biblical stories, listened to and accepted with complete confidence in childhood and youth, especially under the influence of negative scientific criticism and current views in society, already cause distrust and denial. You need deep and unshakable faith in the Bible, as the true word of God, in order not to lose a reverent attitude towards it, and, as we know, sometimes even professional theologians do not have such faith. The same must be said about reading the lives of saints. The lives of saints, of course, can inspire us with the feat of Christian life, but for this it is necessary that we see in the saints not only heroes of bygone times and exceptional circumstances, but our eternal companions, mentors and helpers in Christian deeds, living members of the Holy Church of Christ, with whom we can be in constant communication and to whom we can turn with prayers for help. In other words, the memory of the saints only brings us real help when we live a full Christian life, live in the church in inseparable unity with the saints, and when the saints are not just a distant historical memory for us. All of these methods of religious influence on young people suffer from the fundamental drawback that they skim over the surface, appeal primarily to reason and are not consistent with the internal state of the child’s soul, which has already begun to decay under the influence of sin. In order to provide real, real help in religious life, it is necessary to delve into this internal, spiritual process occurring in the young soul and leading it to religious devastation. Only by clearly imagining this process, in each individual case, can one see a way out of this state. The main thing in this process is the development of a sinful, self-contained disposition. This is what we need to fight against, and not turn to the mind alone with reasoning of a general nature. Both the loss of faith and the return to it are never accomplished through a calm, theoretical, purely mental process. Both the loss of faith and the return to it are usually a difficult, internal drama, extremely painful, sometimes leading to despair, to the desire for death, and this drama sometimes lasts for many years. It is impossible to cure such an internal state by talking and pious instructions or learned lectures alone. It is necessary to contrast the painful process of internal decomposition with another, creative process of internal healing through the influence of some healthy, positive, creative force on the soul. The main concern of religious education should be that not only in the consciousness of the child, not in his memory and not in his habits, but in the very depths of his spirit, his connection with God is preserved. This internal connection with God should be the stronghold against which all temptations of sensuality and proud self-delusion should be broken. First of all, a beneficial environment of living religious faith and love for God can help a child in this matter. Just as a candle lights up from a burning candle, so in a child’s soul the fire of faith and love flares up not from instructions or rules, but from the spirit of faith and love surrounding it. The primary and most important role in the correct course of the religious life of children, of course, is the family. But for this, the family itself must be, according to the Apostle Paul, a small, domestic church, i.e. not only to be formally considered Orthodox, not to be limited only to the external fulfillment of church rules, but to actually have the Lord Jesus Christ at the center of one’s life. Only under this condition will the entire home environment of an Orthodox home and the entire way of family life penetrate deeply into the child’s soul. And the mother's or father's prayer, and the icon or cross over the cradle and bed, and the communion of the Holy Mysteries, and the sprinkling of holy water, and the lamp in front of the holy icon, all this will not then be just an empty, external form, but will be an expression of the true religious spirit of the family and will not cause contradictions and doubts in the soul of the child. Provided there is complete unity of spirit and form of religious life in the family, just as a sponge absorbs water, so the soul of a child absorbs the impressions of Orthodox, home life. Religious customs of the family, the celebration of the Nativity of Christ, baptism or Easter, the holiday of the Trinity or Great Lent - all this does not pass without leaving a mark on the spiritual life of the child. From all this, a stock of holy impressions, joyful and pure experiences accumulates in the soul, constituting the foundation of a future, conscious, religious life. In later years, at moments of dangerous, critical internal turning points, these experiences, this childhood religious experience emerges in the soul and is a source of salvation and rebirth. The beneficial influence of a religious Orthodox family is irreplaceable - imperceptibly, organically, easily and freely it lays the foundations of a healthy religious life in a child’s soul. The second environment, even more necessary for correct religious development, which includes oneself and the Orthodox family itself, is Orthodox churchliness, the focus of which is the Lord Jesus Christ. It is necessary that in the soul of an Orthodox child the feeling is strengthened that he is not only part of an Orthodox family, but also part of the Orthodox Church, with which he is organically and forever connected, and which is his spiritual nourisher and educator. Such a feeling easily arises in a child’s soul if the family around him lives with this feeling. A sense of belonging to a church is more important than a sense of belonging to a family. A family can collapse, but a church never can. He who recognizes himself as a member of the Church will never feel alone in the world, homeless: he feels himself in the strong hand of Christ, in the hand of God. He feels an indestructible stronghold beneath him. He lives in constant communion with Christ, with the saints and the dead. Strengthening this consciousness in a child is a very important task of religious education. I said that the center of churchliness is the Lord Jesus Christ. He should also be the focus of family life. A child should recognize Christ not from a picture book, but from his mood, from his way of thinking, from his way of life, from the mutual relations of family members. If he comes to know Christ in this way, Christ will become near and dear to his soul for the rest of his life. This is exactly how the ancient Christians, martyrs, martyrs and church fathers were brought up in their native Christian families. It is enough to recall the upbringing of the sisters - Faith, Hope and Love by their mother Sophia, or Saints Basil the Great, Gregory the Theologian and John Chrysostom by their mothers. Thus, the basis of correct religious education is to implant positive Christian content into the child’s soul from the earliest years, to invest it not as something external and temporary, but as a response to the deepest needs of his spirit. With this positive content in the soul, it will be easier for the child to overcome the dark, sinful attractions and temptations that arise in him. And yet we must admit that only a few happy and strong-spirited natures manage to stand on the positive Christian foundation of their spirit, while the majority of young people experience a difficult and painful process of moving away from God and subsequent return to Him. I will try to depict this process in brief words. The attractions of sensuality and proud self-delusion that arise in a young soul and gradually develop, ultimately become the dominant elements of the soul. The young soul becomes their obedient instrument. In this obedient service to their desires and passions, young people even believe their freedom, and ardently protest against any attempt to limit this imaginary freedom. It cannot be said that these idols erected in young souls gave them real satisfaction. They rush around with them, but find no peace for themselves. They suffer and yearn, looking for something better, more truthful, pure and beautiful - from where arises that thirst to find the meaning and purpose of life, which is so inherent in youth. Hence the passion for visiting great people or writing letters to them, in the hope of hearing from them a saving, guiding word, or a ready-made recipe for true life. Hence the fascination with all sorts of teachings and theories that promise universal happiness and bliss. Having lost the religious basis of their early childhood, young people make every effort to establish themselves on some other basis. However, all these wonderful impulses and aspirations, for the most part, do not go beyond the limits of dreams. There is not enough will to actually do good, to overcome sensuality, to renounce fruitless speculation. In the end, a heavy internal drama is created, dissatisfaction, melancholy, dissatisfaction with oneself, and a desire for death. Captivated by this mood, young people become immersed in themselves, forget their closest and dearest people, and feel deep loneliness. And in this loneliness they create the most fantastic, unhealthy plans for themselves. Neither intense work nor noisy fun can disperse this difficult state of mind. During this period, a turning point in religious life may follow. There is nowhere to go along the old path. One’s own internal state seems disgusting, although the young man or girl may not yet know how to call it sinful. There is a desire to find the true, lofty, beautiful and undying meaning of life, for to live without finding such meaning means to drag out a miserable, colorless, aimless, boring existence from day to day. At this fateful moment of the turning point of a young life in the soul, suddenly, in some mysterious and mysterious way, some light lights up, some fresh and joyful feeling arises, some hope appears; life is not meaningless. Where does this confidence come from that life is not meaningless? What is life? Until now, young thought has been inclined towards a mechanical worldview - life is a collection of atoms and forces and their continuous movement and interaction; life is a causal chain of phenomena, from the totality of which the whole picture of world, earthly and human existence is made up. And suddenly, in this huge, limitless and soulless mechanism, the young soul begins to feel the presence of something living, great, intelligent and beautiful - the presence of God. Where does this feeling come from? Many circumstances can contribute to this; The main thing is that the faith in one’s youthful infallibility was broken, one’s own inner inadequacy was deeply felt. There was no support in myself. There was a need for a different, stronger support. The soul is at some crossroads. She is in a state of unstable equilibrium. Previous influences and attractions lost their power over her. The new forces within her have not yet emerged. Each, even the most insignificant push, can at this moment have an extraordinary, decisive significance for the whole life. Sweet, religious experiences of childhood that emerge from the subconscious area of ​​the soul, an unexpectedly heard church bell, a book that accidentally falls into the hands of a person, a meeting and conversation with a deeply and sincerely religious person, a visit to a monastery, the mysterious and silent beauty of nature, a vivid artistic image and much more can contribute to the fact that a turning point already prepared in the soul will suddenly find its outcome. Childhood faith will awaken, brightly and sweetly, lighting up as a guiding star in the soul. Life suddenly gains meaning, there is a desire to live, to work in the name of the ideal that flared up in the soul. The old materialistic worldview turned out to be untenable. The new religious worldview warmed the soul and made life meaningful. Remembering my own youth, I find confirmation in it that it was in this way, through many years of internal drama, that the return to the lost religious worldview and ideal took place in us. A religious feeling awakened in the soul immediately illuminates the world and life in a different way. The young soul begins to see the beauty and greatness of the world, faith in the highest meaning and meaning of life appears, and the heart opens to accept the Gospel. He begins to be drawn to Church, to worship, to confession, to take communion, although his thoughts often still remain heretical. And when in a young soul, after the chaos experienced earlier, these new feelings and needs begin to speak, then we can safely say that this soul has already been saved. Here begins a new period of spiritual life, when, having established itself on stone by the bitter experience of acquired, and not rationally assimilated, faith, a person begins to consciously build his life on this foundation. All of the above can be formulated in the following provisions. 1. Each person, being the image and likeness of God, is by nature capable of internal, experiential, direct knowledge of God, i.e. to faith in God. There are no religiously incapable people, atheists by nature. 2. Knowledge about God, about His properties and actions, about His relationship to the world and about people’s relationship to Him must be inextricably linked with the knowledge of God, i.e. with living faith in Him. Otherwise, it becomes external, dead knowledge, the property of only the mind and memory and has little meaning for true religious life. 3. The knowledge of God is preserved and grows in a person, subject to the correct attitude towards God, purity of heart and humility, in a favorable spiritual environment - family and church. 4. The main reason for the loss of faith is the unhealthy, sinful direction of life, when one’s own personality with its selfish aspirations comes first and overshadows the correct attitude towards God and people. This is exactly what happened to the primordial people. 5. The process of sinful life and alienation from God that has begun cannot be stopped by any rational means until it reaches its limit, until the meaninglessness and impossibility of life without God is clearly revealed to the young consciousness through bitter experience. So it was with pre-Christian humanity. 6. The sinful process is overcome in the young soul by its spiritual resurrection, the emergence in it of a soul-capturing religious, holy ideal, attracting and giving strength to a new direction of life in the name of God. This is how Christian culture arose. 7. Favorable moments that return a young soul to religious life are: religious memories of childhood, the influence of nature, the influence of fiction, meetings with truly religious people, visiting centers of religious life (monasteries, elders, holy places) and reading religious literature. You might be interested in: