A word to virgins who lived with men

The pastoral letter “A Word to Virgins Who Lived Together with Men” (9 chapters) was written by St. John Chrysostom, probably in Constantinople around 398. In it, the saint touches on the problem of “cohabitants,” when men and women leading an ascetic lifestyle lived in the same house. He denounces church women who devote themselves to virginity, but live with men under the same roof. Even if in such cases it does not lead to sin, it can arouse suspicion and false rumors among people, which is worse than sin itself, because such behavior not only disgraces people, but also discredits the high Christian ideal of virginity. *The title of the work in Greek is Περ τοῦ τὰς κανονικὰς μὴ συνοικεῖν ἀνδράσιν. *The title of the essay in Latin is Quod regulares feminae viris cohabitare non debeant. 1. “Oh, it is cruel to me, my soul” (Mic. 7:2), - it is timely for me, together with the prophet, to say this now, and not once, and not twice, but many times: “Oh, it is cruel to me, my soul,” what a deed that is perishing, how full of wisdom! Virginity is insulted, the veil separating it from marriage is destroyed, having been torn apart by shameless hands; The Holy of Holies has been trampled under foot, the venerable and respected has become despised and despised by all; and the title, so much more honorable than marriage, is humiliated and deposed so that those who marry are more blessed. Virginity has always had primacy and all the advantages in comparison with marriage; now it cannot remain in second place, but has been relegated far, even to the last place; and, what is most difficult, not some kind of enemies or enemies, but the very ones who, apparently, especially protected him, brought him down, and the very ones who most of all gave us the opportunity to boldly speak against the infidels, most of all blocked our lips and covered us with great shame. In relation to wealth, the pagans could point out some wise people, although few; Some of them also overcame their anger; but they never had the color of virginity, and they always conceded primacy to us here, recognizing this matter as transcending nature and inhuman. All nations were very surprised at us at this, but now they are no longer surprised, but laugh and mock. That is why the devil attacked this flock in such a way that he saw how the army of Christ was especially adorned by this host, and decided to disgrace them so much that it would be even better if there were no virgins at all, thus devoting themselves to virginity. The reason for all the evils is that this matter remains only in name and everything is limited only to (words) on the lips, which is the smallest part of virginity: but what is most necessary and especially distinguishes it is neglected, and they have no talk of decent clothing, or of peace befitting virgins, or of contrition, or anything else like that; but they talk about everything frivolously, and laugh at the wrong time, and are worried, and indulge in pleasures more than women who enjoy themselves in an (indecent) refuge, seducing those onlookers in every possible way with their tricks, and they try to assimilate the shamelessness of harlots, as if competing with them and trying to gain primacy in the bad rumors about themselves. How, tell me, will we be able to exclude such a virgin from the number and society of these women, when she does the same as those, seducing the hearts of young men, when she is just as frivolous and intemperate, when she produces the same potions, fills the same cups and prepares the same poison? True, she does not say: “Come and ... let's wallow in lust”; or: “I sprinkled saffron on my bed and my bed with cinnamon” (Prov. 7:16-18), and - oh, if only the bed and bed, and not clothes and body! They hide their poison at home, but you carry a net everywhere and, flying on the wings of pleasure, walk around the square. Although you did not speak and did not pronounce those words of the harlot: “Come and... let us wallow in lust,” you did not pronounce it with your tongue, but spoke with your sight, did not pronounce it with your lips, but spoke with your gait, did not invite with your voice, but invited a clearer voice with your eyes. Although, by inviting, you did not betray yourself; but you are not free from sin either; for this too is a special type of adultery; you remained clean from corruption, but bodily, not mental; and you have completely committed sin, if not through copulation, then through sight. Why, tell me, are you inviting those passing by? Why are you kindling this fire? How do you think to be clean from sin, having committed it completely? You made a perfect adulterer of the one who was seduced by your appearance; How can you not be a harlot when your act turns out to be adultery? For his fury is your work; and everyone knows that she who makes others adulterers can never escape punishment for adultery. You sharpened the sword, you armed the right hand, you directed the armed right hand at the unfortunate soul; how can you get rid of punishment for this murder? Tell me: who do we hate and disgust? Who are legislators and judges called? Do they drink poisonous substances, or pour them into a cup and prepare them, and destroy (others) with their art? Don’t we feel sorry for those who drink as if they have suffered harm, and don’t we unanimously condemn those who drink? And it is not enough for them to say in their justification: I did not harm myself, but destroyed another; but for this very reason they are subject to more severe punishment. And you, unfortunate and pathetic, having prepared such a disastrous cup, offering and serving this potion, when he had already drunk and died, do you think to justify yourself by the fact that you did not drink it yourself, but offered the poison to another? Moreover, in comparison with those sellers of poison, you will suffer a punishment that is as severe as death here. You kill not only the body, but also the soul; and they often do this either out of enmity, or out of anger, or out of need for money; and you cannot resort to this excuse either; for you do not do this with enemies or with those who have offended you, and not needing money, but out of vanity alone, you joke with other people’s souls, finding your own pleasure in the death of others. 2. However, I don’t know how I began to talk about this, meaning something else; Therefore, it is necessary to return to where I started. As if the above were not enough to disgrace the entire (female) sex, they came up with something even more than that. But let no one think that this is said about everyone; I'm not so pathetic as to mix and match everything. What was said and what will be said next relates to the guilty. As if the above were not enough to cause harm, they also, taking in some men who are completely unknown to them, settle them with them and live with them all the time, as if showing both through this and through the above that they accepted virginity against their will, yielding to extreme violence, which is why they console themselves for this violence and coercion. And even, on occasion, don’t their friends and relatives talk even worse about them? How can such people still live or breathe, and are not torn in half, or not buried alive along with their cohabitants themselves? So, among many other things, everyone also says that midwives already come to the houses of virgins every day, as if to those giving birth, if not in order to go after the mother in labor (and this happened to some), then in order to find out, as if about the maids being sold, which of them is corrupted and which is not corrupted; at the same time, it is as if one easily agrees to the inspection, while the other does not agree and thus remains disgraced, although she is not corrupted; one is convicted of this, and the other is not convicted, but this one is no less exposed to shame, because due to the way of her life she could not prove worthy of trust, but had a need for testimony after inspection. How is this not worthy of tears? What kind of deaths are not worthy? Who would be so stony and insensitive as not to be indignant and inflamed by the jealousy of Phinehas? If he had seen such a shame at that time, he would not have spared them, but would have done the same thing that he did then with the Midianite woman (Num. 25:8-14); and we (who are not allowed to draw a sword and pierce such sinners with a spear), although we feel the same as this holy man felt, we do not do the same, but ease the grief in a different way - with sighs and tears. Come, weep and sigh with me, all of you who are strangers to this shame; for those pitiful and unfortunate ones may suffer, among other things, from illnesses and insensitivity. And you, who lead such a (virtuous) life and are worthy to be in the bridal chamber with the Bridegroom, who have burning lamps and are adorned with the venerable crown of virginity better than any royal diadem, weep with us and sigh bitterly; this is a significant medicine both for the correction of seriously ill people and for the consolation of those mourning their illness; your Bridegroom once did this. So, looking at Jerusalem, which had fallen to the extreme degree of destruction and no longer had the opportunity to rise from illness, He began to cry (Luke 19:41); and under Bethsaida He no longer offered any admonitions or signs, but only expressed regret, repeatedly repeating: “woe” to these cities, as we do to those who are dying (Luke 10:13). And blessed Paul, imitating his Teacher, throughout his life did not cease to mourn those who had fallen and those who remained in this fall, and who did not want to rise, and so bitterly that even with some very strong expressions he spoke about this in the Epistle to the Romans: “For through my sorrows there is great and unceasing pain in my heart: I prayed that I myself was excommunicated from Christ according to my brethren, my relatives according to the flesh, who are Israelites” (Rom. 9:2-4). Do you see how striking these words are, how they represent heart disease? He mourned the mourning and needy of the faithful as if he himself were in the same calamities. “Who faints,” he said, “and I do not faint? Who is tempted, and I am not relieved?” (2 Cor. 11:29). He did not say: I am grieving, but: “I am liquefying,” wanting to express with the word “liquefication” the intolerance and extremeness of grief. Let us also imitate both our Master and a slave like us. There will be a considerable reward for us for these sighs and tears, just as there will be a considerable condemnation from God for those who look without regret at the misfortunes of their own members. The first can be learned from the most patient man Ezekiel, and the second from blessed Micah. Thus, the first says that when the Jews reached extreme wickedness and deviated towards idolatry, God commanded to give “signs on the faces of...those who groan and are pained over...those who are” (Ezek.9:4); for it is not only necessary to sigh, but also to be sick; and although they did not say or do anything to correct the sins they were committing, when they only showed their due on their part, they were honored with such honor from the Humane-loving God that they were awarded both security and great glory. And Micah, among other sins, such as gluttony, drunkenness, addiction to anointing with aromas, also brought up this sin - lack of compassion, saying this: “I did not suffer for anything in the contrition of Joseph” (Amos 6:6). And the prophet condemned the inhabitants of the city of Enan for the same thing, saying: “I did not go out... the house [being] near him will weep” (Mic. 1:11). If, then, when God is angry, he who does not have compassion for those being punished is condemned, then what kind of forgiveness will he who does not have compassion for those who fall into wickedness? And do not be surprised that we should feel sorry for those who are punished when God punishes them; for even the punishing God Himself does not want to do this: “I do not want the death of a sinner by will,” He says (Ezek. 18:23). So, if the Punisher does not want to punish, then much more we need to have compassion for the punished; perhaps in this way we will convert them; maybe we can save them yet. Even if they died, we will still use the medicine we have, we will cry and sigh, not gathering a host of women, but each one alone and on his own without them. If you want, I will begin this lamentable song with you: I am not ashamed to do this together with Jeremiah, Isaiah, Paul, and before all of them with the Lord. Let us begin as Christ began, and say: “woe” to you, soul; To what honor are you called by God’s love for mankind and what place will you receive for your negligence? Woe to you; because He drew you into the spiritual bridal chamber, and you, having rejected this glory, plunged into the fire of the devil and into unbearable torment, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, where there is no comforter or extender of a helping hand, but all is darkness, oppression, confusion and suffering, with no relief or end; all this was caused to you by your love for the world, your preference for earth over Heaven, and your unwillingness to obey the voice of the Bridegroom, who constantly convinces us to have nothing to do with real affairs. Who, pathetic and unhappy, will feel sorry for you then? For, even if you saw Noah himself, who saved his entire house during the general flooding of the universe and withstood such wrath (of God), even Job and Daniel, and with them Moses and Samuel, even the patriarch Abraham, no one will then give you a helping hand; and even if you were their relative, even if they were a daughter, even if they were a sister, even if you offered prayers like that rich man, all this will be in vain and in vain. “How did you sleep from heaven,” not “the morning star who rises in the morning” (Is. 14:12), but having the opportunity to shine brighter than the very rays of the sun? How did you stay single? And he would not have sinned if he attributed most of the complaints uttered about the city of Jerusalem to this captive woman worse than that city. 3. However, perhaps these complaints are enough, what is (said) in Scripture and in (our) book is enough; otherwise we would not have enough time to properly mourn a soul suffering from such an illness. For what is the first thing to mourn? Is it that through you the venerable, holy and great name of God is blasphemed among the pagans and His glory is humiliated? Or that such a venerable and great cause is subjected to contempt? Or that many souls fall from such temptations? Or is it that even the healthy part of your host is denigrated by unclean rumors about you? Or that you kindle an unquenchable fire both for yourself and for your cohabitants? But where does all this follow, you say, when can we prove that our body is uncorrupted and has not been subjected to fornication? Such proof will not be clear now, but especially then, on the last day. The rank and art of the midwife can see only whether the body has been subjected to copulation with a man; but whether it is pure from shameful touch and from adultery and corruption through kisses and embraces, this will be revealed on the day when the Living Word of God, revealing the hidden thoughts of men and present in what is done in secret, will present everything naked and open before the eyes of all (Heb. 4:12,13); then we will know well whether your body is pure from this and whether it is completely uncorrupted. However, we will not argue and compete about this, but let us assume that it is above all those snares and is pure in all respects, and free from any damage, and let the virgin be a virgin, how does this relate to what we have said? For the most terrible thing and worthy of many tears is that she, carefully observing her body in all respects, endured so much labor, and made all her labor futile and her efforts in vain, giving rise to blasphemy against Christ; and sparing her flesh, she did not protect the glory of God, but in order for her body to remain inviolable, she used all measures, and did not care at all about ensuring that He was not insulted and put to shame by many; and - oh, if only she had not done and undertaken everything that would degrade the glory of God! But how do you say I do this? She settled men with her in the house and kept them with her at all times. If you want to have men as your cohabitants, then you should not have chosen virginity, but entered into marriage; for it is much better for this to marry than to act in this way. Neither God condemns marriage, nor do people reproach it; for this is an honest matter, not offending or damaging anyone; and such virginity in cohabitation with men is condemned by everyone more than adultery; having lost its meaning, it fell low, and even below the very abyss of adultery; for no one will count her as one who cares not for the Lord's things, but makes many people adulterers, either among virgins or among married women. This one is concerned about pleasing one husband, and you – very many, and, moreover, those close to you not according to the law of marriage, but in some other way, condemned and condemned by everyone. Therefore, I am afraid that you, having been rejected by both sides, will not be counted among the dishonest women. And by your very name, if anyone wanted to define this state, we also would not be able to object to anything. For, when in a meeting in the square or at home there is a talk about such (virgins), then those who talk about this indecent cohabitation, wanting to indicate who belongs to such and such, call her not his mother, - for she did not give birth to him, - and not his sister, - for they did not come from the same womb, - and not his wife, - for she does not live with him according to the law of marriage, - and not by any other name of kinship from the permitted and established by law, but the name is shameful and ridiculous. I wouldn't like to say it; so I hate this very name and turn away from it; Even the very name of this cohabitation is so disgusting to me. But you did not give birth and did not experience the pains of birth. What is more shameful than such an excuse? What is more worthy of regret than when a virgin wants to prove her virginity by something to which many women who are harlots can resort? But those libertines, you say, are distinguished by other characteristics. What, tell me, others? – Appearance, looks, gait, lovers who are attracted to you. – Well, you depicted for us the features of a harlot; but look if you haven’t touched yourself with these features and signs before she did; because you attract many of the same fans and the same networks. Although you do not stand near the house inviting passers-by, you constantly keep men in your house - which is much worse - for nothing more than to give indecent pleasure to them and to yourself, although not through copulation. What advantage is there in this, when mutual contemplation produces the same thing? But if this is not the case and if you do not commit such adultery, then why do you keep him at home? What just and solid reason can you tell us? A married woman can indicate marriage, a harlot can indicate fornication; and you, virgin, what plausible and fair excuse will you present to us? 4. But, they will say, what are you after when our cohabitants neither sleep nor copulate with us, as happens with those? And many people especially point this out. But aren’t they saying this on their own? And - it’s just on our own, we’ll explore this later. It was already clearly proven when we spoke to men that not only those who slander, but also those who present empty pretexts are worthy of the punishment prescribed for slander; however, we will explain this another time; and now I will ask you about the reason for such cohabitation, if you can imagine any. - I am weak, you say, I am a woman, and I cannot satisfy my needs alone. Meanwhile, when we denounced your cohabitants, we heard the opposite from them, that is, that they keep you to serve them. Why would you, having the power to abundantly provide services even to men, could not help yourself, women, but would need others? It would be easier and more convenient for both man and man, and woman and woman, to live together; but if you are useful for serving men, then much more so for yourself. In what ways, tell me, can cohabitation between a man be useful and necessary? What services can he provide you that a woman could not provide to a woman? Weaving the warp with you and weaving threads and yarn - can he really be better than a woman? Against. He, even if he wanted to, will not be able to take on something like that, unless you have taught them this too; this is the work of the woman alone. Or wash clothes, light a fire, and warm a pot? Of course, this is no worse, but a woman can make a man even better. In what ways, tell me, is a man useful to you? When do you even need to sell or buy something? But here, too, a woman is no less useful than a man; The marketplace and everyone who wants to buy clothes, who buy them mostly from women, can testify to this. If it is a shame for a virgin to stand in the square for such trade, as it really is a shame, then isn’t it much more shameful to live together with men? However, the first, less shameful than the last, can be avoided; I would suggest entrusting everything either to a young servant or to old women capable of it; from here it is clear that the above is a pretext and an excuse, and a cover for weakness. What would you say is a cover for weakness? If I wanted to have a husband and get married and lead such a lifestyle, then who would prevent me? Is it not permissible to do this freely, and without offending God, and without being condemned and reproached by people? This is what I say, and these are not so much your words as my words. But now I need to say what you might need a man’s help with; or, if you cannot explain this, expel the obscene companion; for otherwise it is impossible for you to get rid of shame; and what you said is not so much your words as those of those who regret your indecency. So, even if the service of a man was a thousand times beneficial for you, then you should not have allowed it with such disgrace; for when the glory of God is humbled, there should be no excuse so impressive as to allow such evil to pass unnoticed. Even if you had to die a thousand times a day, in order for this not to happen, you should undergo it with great joy, and not just not ignore such evil for your peace of mind and worldly benefit. Listen to how Paul trembled and was greatly afraid of this: “For it is better for me,” he says, “to die than for anyone to destroy my praise” (1 Cor. 9:15). In order for his praise not to be humiliated, he decided to die; But in order to ward off temptations, we don’t want to despise even small pleasures? How can we ever be saved? Moreover, it is not an equal matter and not even at all close - to lose praise and be condemned. He would not have offended God if this had happened; because God Himself commanded him to “live by the gospel” (1 Cor. 9:14); and yet, he preferred to die rather than make his valiant deed in vain; and we, violating the established rules everywhere and knowing that we will suffer the greatest punishment for this, do not want to give up even an inappropriate and empty habit? What kind of forgiveness will we have? Even if only a man was required for many needs, if such a shame would result from this, then it would be necessary, as I said above, to decide better to die than to allow this; and if it is even more convenient and easier to accomplish everything through a woman, then what forgiveness will there be for you, so pampered and careless about your salvation? Tell me: when he provides you with services, will you also begin to serve him in some way? This is obvious to everyone. But wouldn’t it be much better not to reward him in the same way and not to accept services from him, and would it be better to use the time of work that you spend to bring him peace of mind to calm yourself, rather than disgrace your honor by taking on hard work? But (you will say) you are not doing him any favors. Then you need to think that he serves himself in everything: he makes the bed, and cooks, and lights the fire, and performs other similar tasks; but even a slave who receives nothing from his master will not agree to serve in this way. But he, you say, endures everything out of fear of God and for the sake of the reward assigned for such service and humbles himself with gratitude, not receiving any benefit from us. How, finally, will we stop the lips of the shameless? Although you attribute such piety to him and although he is so afraid and afraid of the commandments of God that he looks at himself more humble than any servant and gives you everything, without receiving anything from you, but first of all this he had to take care of the honor and glory of God; now it is strange to show one and the same soul and at the same time both respect and contempt for the commandments of God, and then fear them, then not pay any attention to the insult to the Lawgiver Himself. To remain alien to pleasure and not to feel anything human at all, and at the same time to work, to exhaust oneself, to humiliate oneself and through one’s labors to bring peace to others, is characteristic of a very wise and sublime soul; and not to degrade the glory of God and not to do that for which He would be blasphemed by many, this is accessible to many and not very great (souls). How can we believe you that you are doing for God and out of zeal for asceticism what requires a great and vigorous soul, while you do not want to lag behind what a lower and ordinary soul can lag behind? You don’t want to lag behind what offends God and seems to give up your body and everything for something that is not pleasing to Him. Who can believe this? However, I don’t know how I passed from virgins to their cohabitants; therefore, again we need to turn to virgins. 5. So how will we be able to convince those who express such objections and reasoning? There is no need, you say, to convince them. But is this characteristic of a pious soul? Then we should ignore those who speak badly when we do not give them reasons to do so; even then it should not be, if we can stop their mouths; if the whole matter depends on us, then all the fire turns on our head. “For thus,” says the apostle, “by sinning against the brethren and striking their weak conscience, you sin against Christ” (1 Cor. 8:12). He knew, he knew for sure, that the weakness of those who are tempted is not only insufficient for our justification, but it especially serves to condemn us; for the more pure we are from the tempting matter, the more we should have mercy on their weakness. I do not say that they are tempted for a reason; but let us even assume that they are tempted without reason, and then there is no need to despise them. Paul taught us this in his Epistle to the Romans, saying: “Do not ruin the work of God for the sake of food” (Rom. 14:20). Even if someone is tempted unjustifiably, he condemns not the one who is tempted, but the one who causes such temptation. As I said before, so I will say now: when some great benefit can occur, and, moreover, surpassing the temptation, then there is no need to pay attention to those who are tempted; and when there can be nothing more than the temptation of the weak, then, even if they were tempted a thousand times unjustifiably, they must be spared; for God also condemns to punishment those who seduce and cause to fall, because to seduce another without any benefit is an extremely wicked thing. And we, seeing that someone has become irritable due to a long illness, rather remove from the house those who untimely irritate him, do not even examine whether they do it fairly or unfairly, and do not accept any excuse from them, but, pitying the patient, we completely forgive him because of his weakness, even if he was unjustly irritated. If we provide such care for both slaves and children, even often punishing the son who is guilty of this, then how much more will God, who is good and merciful and forgiving, do this. What are you saying? Is the seducer weak? Therefore, he deserves mercy, not defeat. Does he have wounds? Therefore, we will not poison them, but treat them. Does he suspect maliciously and recklessly? Therefore, we will eliminate suspicion, and not increase it; for by doing contrary to this, you sin against Christ Himself. Or don’t you hear how often in the Old Testament Moses says that God is “jealous” (Ex. 20:5), and He Himself says: “I am jealous of Jerusalem” (Zech. 1:14); and in the New Testament Paul cries: “I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God” (2 Cor. 11:2)? This alone, without anything else, would be enough to touch a soul that is not too sick and desperate; It’s so scary, or rather, it’s more comforting than scary. For jealousy would not exist if it were not preceded by ardent and fiery love, so that it serves as a sign of God’s strong and fiery love and disposition. Jealousy in God is not a passion, but, wanting to express His inexpressible love, He often uses this name. We, with our great insensibility, fall into human passions, and we insult the one who loves us (God) so much, and we please in every possible way those who cannot bring any benefit. Can this obscene cohabitation bring you as much benefit, pathetic one, as it deprives you of treasures? Look: it brings you down from heaven, expels you from the spiritual bridal chamber, separates you from the Heavenly Bridegroom, brings upon you eternal punishment and torment that has no end. Even if the one living with you offered you thousands of mines of gold, even if he obeyed you more than bought slaves, even if he brought you more honor and peace than the queen herself, with all this, shouldn’t you be alienated and turn away from him, as from an infection and an enemy who takes away more than how much he gives? You must think about the blessings of heaven, about the Kingdom there, about immortal life, about ineffable glory; But you think about earthly objects, and you please the one who seems useful in relation to them as the Lord, and do not pray that the earth will open up under you and thus you will move away from here? You point out to me the weakness of the female sex, the correction of human needs and domestic peace, by inventing and making up invalid excuses. But this will not deceive those who have intelligence; because no, there is no such peace that would make such obscenity necessary. A woman, if she chooses, can satisfactorily serve not only herself, but also many others; and at the beginning, when the man received public affairs as an inheritance, she received an inheritance - to correct and arrange everything inside the house. Thus, it is not out of need for peace that you attract men to your home. But is it, you say, for adultery and debauchery? I cannot say this - let it not be - I do not even cease to reproach those who say this; but, oh, if only it were possible to dissuade them! What reason, you say, makes this cohabitation desirable for us? The passion of vanity attracts to this cohabitation. The whole human race, one might say, is vain, but especially the female sex; for if they do not need peace, as has been proven, and do not indulge in debauchery along with them, then it is quite obvious that this is the only thing left to suspect. 6. So, having found the very root of evil, let us finally leave reproof and begin to exhort and convince. Just as men who live with virgins think they find pleasure in this, but experience the most severe torment (for the only pure and lasting pleasure would be separation from them), so do they. They seem to think that this is where some fame and celebrity comes from; but if examined carefully, they incur ridicule, shame, censure and extreme disgrace. We already spoke about this briefly at the beginning, but we will say it now. Let the partner, if you wish, not be one of the common people and not one of the despised people, but one of those who have great power in the Church, let him be the subject of surprise to everyone for the nobility of his family, and for the power of eloquence, and for piety, and in all respects let him be famous; and yet, despite all this, he cannot make his partner famous and respectable. For anyone who wants to gain glory from friendship with someone must first of all protect the glory of the one who brings glory; if she is humiliated, then all the more will he himself be humiliated. Just as from a corrupted source and the streams flowing around it borrow corruption, and from a rotten root the fruit is even more infected with rottenness, so now, when the one from whom a virgin expects glory for herself becomes ridiculous as a result of cohabitation with her, then she, before him and together with him, will be ridiculed; and if many people previously had a good rumor about a woman, then by approaching her, he will deprive her house of this rumor, and will not give her another better one; also, if he had such an opinion about himself, then the same will happen to him. Thus, this cohabitation does not increase the good rumor about you, but deprives you of the one that was, and brings on both of them a bad rumor that did not exist. And now it is timely to say what the prophet said about the Jews: “If the Ethiopian changes his skin, and the lynx of his motley” (Jer. 13:23); So will these cohabitants ever be cleansed of their shame, which, like some kind of ulcer on the body, stains public opinion about both of them, darkening all their good qualities? But perhaps they consider their very dominance over men to be their glory? However, this is very funny, and only harlots are especially distinguished by this; It is unusual for noble and chaste women to admire such networks. This is even a special reason for dishonor, since the more they dominate men and the more they subjugate them to themselves, the more they disgrace themselves along with them; for a woman who does not enslave men, but who respects them, is both respectable and glorious to everyone. If they do not listen to our words, then the law of God can block their lips, which says this: “Your appeal is to your husband, and he will rule over you” (Gen. 3:16); for “the head... is the husband of the wife” (1 Cor. 11:3). And in many other places one can find such a decree and such an order that has existed since ancient times; and there is great shame when the upper becomes lower, the head becomes lower, and the body above. If this is shameful even in a marriage state, then it is much more so in such cohabitation, in which it is already bad not only that the Divine law is violated, but also that a very bad rumor is brought upon both the man and the woman. If cohabitation itself is shameful, then enslavement to a cohabitant is much more shameful. Dominion does not always bring praise, but it happens that the non-dominant is honored and the dominant is put to shame. So, if you want to be respected by men, then do not have communication with them, move away from their community, viewing and cohabitation. Then women will admire you, and all men will respect you as a real virgin, inseparably staying with the Bridegroom; then not only the household, but also the pagans, and the Jews, and the whole human race will approve of you. Therefore, if you seek glory, then follow this path, and not the opposite; then you will no longer be called belonging to such and such, but to Christ; You can never be different from anyone else, equal to this. Is it really unimportant, tell me, when every day they begin to proclaim and repeat in the marketplace, and in houses, and in other cities, that such and such a girl, very young and very pretty, who had the opportunity, if she wanted, to acquire many patrons for herself, did not want this, but decided to endure and endure everything rather than change her love for Christ and darken the color of chastity? Blessed is she twice, and thrice, and many times over; what blessings will she receive, what crown will she receive, what reward will she receive, competing with the incorporeal forces themselves! This and the like, everyone will talk about her and present her as an example for their daughters to follow; whether anyone wants to encourage someone who lives decently or to reason with someone who is dissolute, everyone will again display her praiseworthy qualities; and not only in these cases, but also when the topic of virginity simply comes up, everyone will praise her so much, and not only those who live decently, but also those who tried and used all measures to entice her, but then were despised by her and left without attention. It will enjoy such great and even greater glory that it has been said; and the one who has cohabitants is completely opposite. And firstly, when some wicked people begin to condemn virginity, both of them will come to mind in such conversations, but the first - opening the mouth of those who defend, and the last - of those who condemn. Then, when someone needs to be brought to their senses or corrected, the first one is presented as if it were a medicine that quenches pain and can destroy rottenness, and embellishes the teacher’s speech; and the latter is placed along with the shameful woman, and even if she was not present at the same time, she is subjected to condemnation and shame; for when (mentioning) each one who sins, it is necessary that she again be condemned and put to shame. And wherever this subject is discussed, everywhere the first is called blessed, and the last - pitiful and unfortunate, and similar names; and just as this one is glorified and praised not only by those who know, but also by those who do not know and who have not received any benefit from it, so by those who know it, and those who do not know it, and those who have not suffered any harm from it, they denigrate and revile it; for those who live righteously are praised and glorified not only by acquaintances, but also by strangers, and even by their enemies, while the dissolute and bad are denounced by their friends. This is the work of God's Providence. The Lord has implanted in us such a disposition towards virtue and such aversion from vice that everyone approves of it, even those who are not involved in it, and vice is condemned by both those who turn away from it and those who indulge in it. From this it is clear that careless virgins are disgusted not only by those who know, but also by those who do not know them, but most of all by their cohabitants. Truly, even if they strongly insist that they love and respect you, even if they express gratitude for the pleasure that you give them, in their conscience they hate you when, having come to their senses a little, they understand what network they are in. This is evil - this vice; even those whom you please the most condemn you the most, because, having been admitted into your innermost refuges and penetrating all your secrets, they know your deeds more than anyone else. And that they hate you is clear from the following: they would like a thousand times to get rid of this passion and serious illness, but habit and some apparent pleasure prevent them; There is such a disease that they want to get rid of and everyone who has it hates it, but they also find pleasure in it; so it happens with this one. No matter how pitiful and unhappy someone may be, he cannot be so desperate and inclined to disgrace his own honor as to wish to live in dishonor, to be on everyone’s lips the subject of condemnation, ridicule and blaming, and a general spectacle in the market place, where everyone, as soon as he appears, would point their fingers at him as the most shameful. Thus, they receive considerable grief from this suspicion, which constantly disturbs their conscience and torments their soul more persistently than any worm. If then, when shame comes from people who clearly say nothing, but condemn at home and among themselves, there is such grief, then when we go to the offended Bridegroom Himself, when the secret becomes clear, when hearts, and speeches, and dispositions, and glances, and thoughts are revealed (not to mention something more shameful), when in general everything is revealed and laid bare before the whole universe, then we will be subjected to what dishonor and punishment and torment? Then, if our soul does not appear shining as it should be devoted to this Bridegroom, if it is not clean from all uncleanness, filth and vice, then it will perish and be subject to extreme disasters; because if even an insignificant stain can throw her out, then when there is great uncleanness and such a stench, and thousands of wounds on all sides, who will deliver her from that punishment and torment? If her life here is so vile and unpleasant for everyone that everyone turns away from her, both friends and enemies, then how can she enter the Royal vestibule, defiled by such filth? Don't you see that even in the house of a simple and ignorant person no one will let a pig stained with dirt into the house, but everyone drives it away and chases it, and closes the doors, and goes far from it? If people do not allow even a dumb animal, and, moreover, accustomed to dirt, to be allowed into a house with uncleanness, then how can anyone enter the heavenly abodes, where there is such brilliance, where everything is bright, where there is an unapproachable light, shining brighter than any lightning, so defiled? The virgins who did not have oil were removed from the bridal chamber; How do you hope to enter those impregnable abodes? And your sin is even worse than theirs; for it is not the same thing to not serve bodily food and to destroy many souls. They did not offend the poor; but since they did not give them theirs and did not deliver them from poverty, they suffered it; but you offended and drove him away (from the palace), and not only did you not provide any benefit, but also caused the greatest harm. If those who did not bring benefit suffered such punishment, and, moreover, keeping their virginity intact; then those who, due to their uselessness, caused even the greatest harm to themselves, and their cohabitants, and those who were tempted, and, more importantly, insulted the name of the Bridegroom, what punishment will they be subjected to? Don’t you know what task you took upon yourself, what feat you performed, what part of the struggle you chose, what place you inherited in the army? You stand near the Warlord Himself, or better yet, near the King Himself, and fight. Just as in battles the entire army does not occupy one place, but some are placed on the wings of the formation, others in the middle, others behind, others adorn the front of the detachment, and others appear and move with him wherever the king appears, so in the same way the host of virgins, when he really constitutes a host of virgins, does not occupy any other place, but precisely this last place. It is not so much those who wear golden clothes and ride horses decorated with gold, and wear golden shields studded with stones, who should herald the coming of the king, but rather the virgin - the coming of Christ; for they appear with the king's royal chariot; and she herself becomes, if she wants, the Royal chariot, like the Cherubim, and stands before Him, like the Seraphim. 7. So she, going out into the square, should be a model of all wisdom and amaze everyone, like an Angel who has now descended from Heaven; and if one of the Cherubim themselves appeared on earth, he would attract all people to himself; so a virgin should dispose everyone who looks at her to amazement and wonder at her holiness. When she walks, she walks as if through the desert, sits in the church in the deepest silence, does not look at anyone passing by, neither women nor men, but only at her Groom, as if present and visible; when she goes home, she again talks with Him in prayers and hears only His voice through the Scriptures; being in the house, she thinks only about Him, her beloved, remaining as if a stranger and stranger and guest, and does everything as she should do, alien to everything here; avoids not only the gaze of men, but also the company of worldly women, and cares about his body as much as is required only by necessity, and directs all his care to the soul. Who will not be surprised, who will not be amazed, seeing an angelic way of life in a woman? Who dares to start it? Which people would dare to touch such a fiery soul? Therefore, everyone, willy-nilly, will begin to retreat from it, everyone will be amazed, seeing, as it were, red-hot and shining gold. Gold by its nature has great brilliance; and when it still receives shine from the fire, the spectacle becomes even more majestic and amazing; if this happens with the substance, then when this happens with the golden soul, then there will be a desired spectacle not only for people, but also for Angels. Why do you adorn yourself with clothes, having an adornment from this flame? Clothes were given to us not so that we could adorn ourselves, but to cover the shame of nakedness, not so that we could clothe ourselves in something that could shame us worse than nakedness. Therefore, God dressed Adam and his wife in “robes of leather” (Gen. 3:21), although He could, if He wanted, dress them in beautiful clothes; but from ancient times, and through this, He inspires us that now is not a time of luxury, but of sighing and contrition. If the very need for clothing is shame and disgrace and comes from sin, then why do you increase this sign of condemnation? Is not the very need of clothing a sufficient proof of our fall? Why are you making this humiliation even greater? Why do you increase condemnation by multiplying this need? One should weep and sigh and exhaust the body itself, according to the teaching of Paul (1 Cor. 9:27); and we try to decorate his covers, just as if someone, having a tumor on his eye and being faced with the need to cover it, began to decorate these covers. Therefore, Elijah and John had a simple robe, wearing leather tunics and hair garments; for they tried and strived to obtain incorruptible clothing. And you surpass even spectacular women in the sophistication of your clothes, seducing absent-minded young men with them. The Bridegroom does not desire such decoration and decoration of you, but He commanded that all His glorification should be in your soul; and you, neglecting this, decorate the dirt and ashes in various ways and attract intemperate lovers and, so to speak, make adulterers of everyone who looks at you. That in this way you are dooming yourself to the great flame, I think you yourself will not contradict this; and that dishonor and condemnation follow, I will try to show this by paying attention to the lovers themselves. When the one who adorns her soul has God as her lover of beauty, and you have people, or better yet, not people, but pigs and dogs or some other worst of the dumb animals, then who would be so reckless as to consider you adorned better than the one who attracts the love of God with her inner beauty? So, the more you increase sophistication (in clothing), the more disgusting you become, removing God from yourself and attracting such people, and through this turning out to be more shameful and ugly; for is she not ugly who cannot attract God to herself? If the one who decorates herself is so unpleasant, then imagine how the one who also has a roommate increases her disgustingness. 8. But, if you wish, we will not mention only cohabitation, but will reveal it so that it turns out to be even more shameful. Since they are not afraid of the Unslumbering Eye, but are wary only of human gaze, we will deprive them of this consolation by exposing to view what the walls hide and obscure, and we will open the doors for those who wish to see, first of all by raising them from their beds. But it is better, if you like, to set out in advance what is happening in their house, and assume that the cohabitants are separated by walls and sleep in different rooms; for I do not think that any of them, even if prone to great indecency, would disgrace themselves to such an extent that they would sleep in the same room. So let them be separated by walls. So what? This is not enough to clear them of suspicion; however, let’s not talk about suspicion now, even if many maids lived with the man; Let us now present another kind of obscenity. It happens that they, waking up at the same time, not for all-night vigils (for nothing pious can ever come from such souls), go one to the other, still lying, and talk to each other at night; What could be more shameful than this? If your partner happens to get sick suddenly, then the walls are useless; quickly getting up before the others, since the maids often hesitate, he enters the lying virgin, making excuses for her illness, sits down next to her and performs various services that are sometimes decent to perform only for women; and she is not ashamed, but is still comforted by this; and not only is he not ashamed, but he also rejoices greatly, and all the more so, the more shameful is the service that he corrects; then the apostolic saying is justified: “the glory is in their cold” (Phil. 3:19). When the maids also stand up, the shame is even worse; they, bareheaded, wearing only their undergarments and bare arms, as if alarmed and awakened at night, run in his presence, or better yet, he turns and runs among them, while they fulfill all their needs; What could be more shameful than this? When the midwife arrives, even then he is not ashamed, but even boasts in the presence of even strangers; for he has only one thing in mind, how to provide his services to the patient, not realizing that the more he provides them, the more he disgraces both her and himself. And what is surprising if he is not ashamed of the person who came? Often, even at midnight, he is not lazy to do the work of lowly servants, even to run to the midwife; when she comes, they then kick him out against his will; if he is too shameless, then they allow him to come in and sit; however, who could, even after using a lot of effort to disgrace him, portray him as he makes himself? When the day comes and both need to get out of bed, then precautions and fears begin; for even she cannot safely leave her room, since often, when entering, she may have met an undressed man; and he, fearing the same thing, sometimes enters, having announced himself, and sometimes without precaution, for which he is subjected to great ridicule; but I won't say anything more. All this, although of little importance, usually produces a great fire of intemperance. This and even more happens in the house; when he, having gone to the marketplace, returns back, then again there is great indecency. Entering the house as if it were his own, and not considering it necessary to warn about it, he, finding women sitting with her, shames her; and she often feels the same way. Thus, among them, a woman considers it shameful to receive women, and a man - men; and they themselves do not refuse to live together with each other, refusing to accept people of the same sex as themselves. What could be worse than this? It happened that he was found sitting near winding thread into a ball or holding a spinning wheel. And who can portray grief and daily quarrels? Even if there was great friendship between them, this can happen. I have heard of some that they even experience jealousy; for where there is no spiritual love, this must also happen. Hence the constant falls, hence the corruption, from this virgins become ignoble and shameless and, although not corrupted in body, are corrupted in morals; because when she gets used to talking freely with a man, and sitting with him, and looking at him, and laughing in his presence, and doing many other obscenities, without at all considering it bad, then the veil of virginity is torn off and his color is trampled upon. Therefore, they do not avoid anything and do not refuse anything, but they are also matchmakers, and instigators of marriage, and performers of other affairs, and they hinder many women who want to remain widowed, thinking that they will find in this an excuse for their vices; that is why they are despised by everyone; therefore, married women themselves are not ashamed before them, as they act better than them in everything. Truly, it is much better to enter into a first and second marriage than to commit such obscenities and be considered by everyone as procuress and shameless, depriving yourself of the pleasures of marriage and taking on the burdens of marriage; for what could be more difficult than having a man and taking care of his affairs? God has freed you from this burden; from the command: “Your turning to your husband, and she will have you” (Gen. 3:16), virginity delivered you; Why are you bringing slavery upon yourself again? Christ made you free, and you multiply your own labors; He made you a stranger to worries, and you invent worries for yourself. 9. Since I mentioned worries, it is timely that I, who speak about this, am reminded of the apostolic saying. If the very cohabitation of women with men and men with women freed them from worries, then Paul, calling for abstinence, would not have said: “I want you to be without sorrow” (1 Cor. 7:32), as if by this he wanted to encourage us to do so. What do you want, he says, peace and freedom? But don’t you see that the opposite happens from cohabitation with men - slavery and labor, and many troubles? Therefore, many, having lost their husbands, often did not remarry, so as not to be again under the yoke of slavery. In general, even if you had to live in poverty and remain without any patrons, you lead a virtuous life and have nothing in common with a man, but enter into communication with women who live decently, and you will not lose your crown and will enjoy complete security. If this message seems difficult for you to achieve, look for it carefully and you will undoubtedly find it, or better yet, you don’t need to look. Just as we all run to the light, so to you, if the rays of your life shine, all the women will come running, each lovingly offering herself to you instead of a maid, and they will consider you the support of their home, and the decoration and crown of their life, according to the word of Christ: “Seek,” He says, “the kingdom of God..., and all these will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). And now, without caring about heavenly things, through our own fault we are deprived of worldly things. When I say we, I mean not only men, but also you, women, and moreover, you more than men, since in the beginning the wife received the most severe punishment because she primarily contributed to the seduction; God punished the deceiver more than the seduced one. The same will happen now if you do not want to correct yourself and regain your nobility. When the wife was accused of having given the fruit to her husband, she did not dare to say that he, as a man, should have disagreed and not deluded himself, but, keeping silent about this excuse, as meaning nothing, she turned to another excuse, although also weak, but having more significance than that. From this it is clear that those who are deceived can rather lay the blame on the seducers than the latter on the seduced. The harlot invites the one who corrupts her body and, having slept with him, then lets him go; and you, having invited someone who damages and corrupts your soul, keeps him constantly in your house and does not allow him to leave, imposing heavy bonds on him with affection, servility and other actions, and, thinking that you are glorifying, you put yourself to shame. Don’t you understand, tell me, how short real life is, how similar it is to dreams, fading flowers and fleeting shadows? Why do you want, having now enjoyed yourself in a dream, then endure punishment in reality? However, there is no pleasure in this; for what pleasure is there where there is condemnation, reproach, ridicule and temptation? Even if there were pleasure, what is a small drop of water compared to the boundless sea? “Hear, O daughter, and see, and incline your ear, and forget your people and your father’s house, and the King will desire your kindness” (Ps. 44:11-12), David once cried out to a universe in a bad state. We will proclaim this to you, slightly changing the words of the prophet, and we will say together with the prophet: “Hear, daughter, and see, and incline your ear, and forget” your bad habit and those living with you to your harm, “and the King will desire your kindness.” What do you want more than that? What else can we say that is equal to when you acquire the love of the Lord of heaven and earth, Angels and Archangels and higher powers, freeing yourself from these low slaves like you who disgrace your nobility? Therefore, it is fitting to end the speech here; for we can say nothing equal to this honor. If she who has an earthly king as her bridegroom considers herself happiest of all, then you (having for your Groom) are not an earthly king and a slave not like yourself, but the Heavenly King, who is above all Principality and Authority and Power and every name that can be named (Eph. 1:21), who sits above the Cherubim, who shakes the earth, who stretches out the sky, terrible for the Cherubim, unapproachable for the Seraphim, and not only the Bridegroom, but also those who love you, and those who love you more than any man, how can you not leave everything here, even if you even had to give up your very soul? So, if this one word is enough to correct a person, even if he was coarser than any lead, and direct him to the heavenly abodes, then we, ending (our word) here, exhort you - to chant this saying, as if some Divine song, both at home and in the marketplace, day and night, on the way and in the upper room, with your voice and thought, and constantly repeat to your soul: “hear”, my soul, “see, and incline your ear, and forget” your bad habit, “and the King will desire your kindness”; and if you constantly repeat these words, you will make your soul purer than all gold, since this saying, more powerful than fire, ignites the thoughts of the soul and cleanses all impurity, in Christ Jesus our Lord, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. You might be interested in: