To a young widow

The treatise “To the Young Widow” (2 Words) was written by St. John Chrysostom in Antioch around 380-381. and is addressed to the widow of a deceased young man named Thirasius. The saint turns to her with words of consolation and at the same time speaks about the dignity of widowhood, urging her not to enter into a second marriage: “Just as virginity is better than marriage, so the first marriage is better than the second.” In the first word (7 chapters) of St. John says that widowhood is not a misfortune, but the greatest honor. Based on the words of the Apostle Paul, he writes that wives who have lost their husbands are united with Christ in their place. The second word (6 chapters) has the inscription “On abstinence from a second marriage.” St. John continues to praise widowhood, saying that a widow is slightly inferior to a virgin, and sometimes even superior to her. He does not reject remarriage, permitted by the Apostle Paul, but tries to encourage widows not to become attached to earthly things and to strive for heavenly things. *The title of the work in Greek is Εἰς νεωτέραν χηρεύσασαν. *The title of the essay in Latin is Ad viduam juniorem. The suggested two words are written by St. John Chrysostom to a young widow whose husband, named Thirasius, was a noble and pious man and died at a flourishing age after five years of marriage. Teaching Christian consolations and admonitions to the widow, the saint touches on some historical persons and events from which one can infer the time of writing these words. Thus, in the 4th section of the first word, where the then Roman emperor appears to be at war with the barbarians, it speaks of Theodosius the Great, who, from the time he was proclaimed emperor in 379, waged an almost continuous war with the Goths until their decisive defeat in 382. Therefore, we can conclude that the first word was written no earlier than 380 and no later than 382. The second word, of course, followed soon after the first. 1. Everyone will agree with you and no one, even the most wise, will contradict the fact that you received a heavy blow and that an arrow sent from above hit you in the most fatal place; but since the wounded should not spend all their time crying and crying, but carefully take care of healing their wounds, so that, if left unattended, they do not cause more tears and do not intensify the flame of grief, then it is useful for you to accept verbal consolation, and, having stopped a few streams of tears, at least for a short time, surrender yourself to those who intend to console you. Therefore, we did not bother you during the most intense sorrow, when this lightning just fell (on you); but, having waited this period of time and left you to be satiated with sobs, when, finally, you got the opportunity to look a little out of this darkness and open your ears to those who are trying to console you, and we now, after the (comforting) speeches of the maids, offer ours too. Whoever would have tried to convince (you) to put aside sadness when the storm was still great and the grief was very strong, he would have intensified your sobs more, and with his words would have given a lot of food to the fire (sadness), and would have brought upon himself displeasure and the opinion of him as an unkind and reckless person; when the storm finally began to subside and God pacified the fury of the waves, then we will freely unfurl the sails of the word. During moderate weather, art may be able to do its work; and when there is an irresistible pressure of the wind, then experience does not bring any benefit. For all these reasons, we have been silent throughout the previous time, and even now we barely dared to open our lips when we heard from your uncle that we can finally dare to do this, that honorable maids, and strangers, and relatives, and others close (to you) already dare to have long speeches with you about this. If you accept their words, then we fully hope and are convinced that you will not reject ours, but will listen to them with the possible calm and complacency. Women are always very sensitive to misfortune; when youth, and premature widowhood, and inexperience in business, and a great many worries are added, while all the previous time was spent in pleasures, contentment and wealth, then the grief increases several times, and if the one subjected to it does not receive help from above, then some random thought can strike her. In this I find the first and greatest proof of the great Divine care for you; for in the sudden confluence of so many calamities, not to fall into despair with sorrow and not to lose the natural state of one's mind, this was not a matter of human help, but of the Hand of the Almighty, of that Reason which is without number, of that Wisdom which is unsearchable, the Father of bounties and the God of all comfort. “Like that blow,” says (the prophet), “he will heal us: he will wound us and heal us, and heal us” (Hosea 6:2-3). While your blessed husband lived with you, you enjoyed honor, attentiveness and care, you enjoyed as much as you could receive from a person; and when God took him to Himself, He Himself took his place for you. And this is not my thought, but that of the blessed prophet David, who says: “He will receive the orphan and the widow” (Ps. 145:9); and in another place he calls Him the Father of the orphans and the Judge of widows (Ps. 47:6); and often you can see His great care for these people. 2. But so that the very name (widow), often pronounced, does not upset your soul and does not confuse you with the thought that it came to you at your most flourishing age, I want to say this in advance and explain that the name widowhood is not the name of misfortune, but of honor, and the greatest honor. Do not give me as evidence the false opinion of the crowd, but (listen) to the law of blessed Paul, or better, Christ; for what Paul said, Christ spoke through him, just as he himself said: “Because of temptation, seek Christ speaking in me” (2 Cor. 13:3). What is he saying? “But let a widow be reckoned no less than sixty years old” (1 Tim. 5:9); and again: “Despise young widows” (1 Tim. 5:11); with these and other words he wants to show us the greatness of this state (widowhood). When he gives decrees about bishops, he nowhere specifies the number of years, but here he does it with great precision. Why? Not because widowhood is greater than the priesthood, but because these (widows) encounter more difficulties than those (bishops), since they are surrounded from different sides by many affairs, public and private. Just as a city that is not fenced with a wall is open to everyone who wants to invade it for theft, so a young widow is surrounded on all sides by many treacherous people, not only coveting her property, but also ready to corrupt her chastity. And not only these, but also others, we can indicate the occurring reasons for its fall. Thus, disrespect from family members, confusion of affairs, deprivation of former honor, the visible well-being of peers, and often the desire for pleasure encourage widows to enter into a second marriage. There are also those among them who do not want to enter into legal marriage with men, but (live with them) secretly and secretly; and they do this in order to receive praise for widowhood; so this state is not only not vilified, but is also considered by people worthy of surprise and respect; not only among us who are faithful, but also among the infidels themselves. When I was still young, I remember how my teacher (and he was the most superstitious of all people) was surprised at my mother in front of many. Wanting to find out, as usual, from those around him who I was, and having heard from someone that I was the son of a widow, he asked me about the age of my mother and the time of her widowhood. And when I said that she was forty years old and that twenty years had already passed since she lost my father, he was amazed, exclaimed loudly and turning to those present said: “Ah! What kind of women do Christians have!” This state (of widowhood) enjoys such surprise and such praise, not only among us, but also among outsiders (pagans)! Knowing all this, Blessed Paul said: “Let a widow’s age be no less than sixty years” (1 Tim. 5:9). However, it is not only based on this testimony of years that he allows him to rank her among the sacred ranks (of widows), but also adds other qualities: “She is testified to good deeds,” he says, “if she has raised children to eat, if she has raised strange habits, if she has had holy minds, if she has given consolation to the sorrowful, if she has followed every good deed” (1 Tim. 5:10). What attention and challenge! What virtues does he demand from a widow and with what accuracy does he calculate them! He would not have done this if he had not wanted to entrust her with a venerable and respected matter. “Young people,” he says, “deny widowhood.” Then he adds the reason: “For when they become angry with Christ, they want to attack” (1 Tim. 5:11). With these words (the apostle) inspires us that wives who have lost their husbands are united with Christ in their place. Notice how he shows with these words that such a union is easy and pleasant; precisely in the words: “Whenever they become furious about Christ, they want to encroach,” (he speaks of Christ), as if about some meek man who does not act autocratically with them, but allows them to live in freedom. And he did not stop speaking there, but showed great concern for the widow in another place, saying: “But she who feeds generously dies alive” (1 Tim. 5:6). “But she who is a true widow is secluded, trusting in God, and abiding in prayers and supplications day and night” (1 Timothy 5:5). And in his letter to the Corinthians he says: “He is most blessed, if this continues” (1 Cor. 7:40). Do you see what praise (is given) to widowhood, and moreover in the New Testament, when the beauty of virginity has already shone? However, even at this time the brilliance of virginity could not darken the lordship of widowhood, but even now it shines, having its own dignity. So, when we mention widowhood, do not lose heart and do not consider this condition shameful; for if it is shameful, then even more so is virginity. But no, no; no! If we all honor and respect those wives who live abstinently while their husbands are still alive, then how can we not honor and praise those who, even after the death of their husbands, show their former favor to them? While you lived with blessed Thirasius, then, as I said, you enjoyed both the honor and attention that can be received from a person; now, instead of him, you have the Lord of all - God, who has kept you before, and now will take care of you even more and with special care; and He has already shown us considerable proof of His great Providence for you, as I said above, by keeping you healthy and unharmed in the midst of such a flame of worries and sorrow, and not allowing you to suffer anything unwanted. If He did not allow shipwreck to happen during such a storm, then all the more will He preserve your soul during the silence, and will ease for you the burden of both widowhood and the disasters that appear in it. 3. If it is not the name of a widow that bothers you, but the loss of such a husband, then I agree with you that I admit that in all the world among secular people there have been few such amiable, meek, humble, sincere, reasonable and pious people. But if it were completely destroyed and turned into nothing, then one should grieve and lament; if he sailed to a quiet harbor and moved to his true King, then he should not cry about this, but rejoice. This death is not death, but some migration and movement from a worse (state) to a better one, from earth to Heaven, from people to Angels and Archangels, to the Lord of Angels and Archangels. Here on earth, when he served the king, he could expect dangers and many intrigues from envious people; for as his fame increased, the intrigues of his enemies multiplied; and after going there, he no longer needs to fear anything like that. Therefore, as much as you grieve that God took such a useful and virtuous person to Himself, you should just as much rejoice that he moved from here with great safety and glory and, having been delivered from the turmoil of this fickle life, is in perfect peace and tranquility. Truly, isn’t it strange to recognize Heaven as much better than earth, but to mourn those who migrated from here to there? If the deceased had lived viciously and contrary to the will of God, then one should have lamented and wept for him not only after death, but also during his life; and since he also belonged to the number of God’s beloved, one should equally rejoice whether he was alive or dead. And that you should do this, of course you heard about this from Blessed Paul, who says: “If you decide to be with Christ, it is much better” (Phil. 1:23). But perhaps you want to hear your husband’s words and enjoy your friendship with him, you want to continue to treat him and enjoy the glory, splendor, honor and tranquility that was with him, and the loss of all this confuses and darkens you? You can maintain your love for him now just as before; the power of love is such that it embraces, combines and unites not only those who are with us or close to us, and whom we see, but also those who are distant from us; neither the length of time, nor the distance of distance, and nothing else like that can interrupt and end spiritual friendship. If you want to see him face to face (I know that you really want this), then keep his bed inaccessible to another husband, try to be equal to him in life, and you, of course, will leave here in the same person with him, and you will live with him not for five years, as here, not for twenty or a hundred, not even a thousand or two, not ten thousand or several ten thousand years, but boundless and endless century. Inheritance to those resting places is obtained not by physical relationship, but by the same way of life. If the sameness of life led Lazarus, unknown to Abraham, into his very bosom and worthy to recline with him many from the east and west, then you too will take the place of rest together with the beautiful Thirasius, if you want to live the same way as he lived; then you will see him again, but not in this physical beauty with which he died, but in some other splendor and radiance, which is much brighter than the rays of the sun. The real body, no matter how great it reaches, is perishable; but the bodies of those who have pleased God will be clothed with such glory that it is impossible to look at with these eyes. God showed us some signs and vague traces of this in both the Old and New Testaments. Then the face of Moses shone with such glory that the Israelites could not look at him; and in the New Testament the face of Christ shone much more. Tell me: if someone promised to make him (Thirasias) king of the whole earth, and for this purpose ordered him to part with you for twenty years, and after that promised to return him to you in a diadem and scarlet robe and also make you a participant in his glory, would you not have endured such a separation complacently and with due prudence? Wouldn’t she really be delighted with such a gift and consider it desirable? Endure this separation now, not for the earthly kingdom, but for the Heavenly one, not in order to again see your husband in golden clothes, but in the immortality and glory that is characteristic of the heavenly inhabitants. If the length of time (separation) bothers you very much, then he probably sometimes appears to you in dreams, still talks to you and shows you his longed-for face; Let this be a consolation for you instead of letters, or better - even clearer than letters. There only letters are visible, but here you can see the image of a face, and a gentle smile, and posture, and gait, you can hear the sound and recognize the most kind voice. 4. If you still regret the peace that you previously enjoyed with him, and perhaps the hopes that he had for even greater honors (I heard that he could soon reach the high position of mayor; and this, most of all, I think, torments and confuses your soul), then imagine those who were at a higher degree of dignity than him, and ended their lives in a very pitiful way. I'll remind you of them. You may have heard about Theodore of Sicily: he was one of the very famous men; surpassing everyone in beauty, majestic appearance and boldness in front of the king, and having as much strength as anyone close (to the king), he did not modestly endure this prosperity, but, having plotted evil against the king and being caught in this, was executed in a very pitiful manner; and his wife, who was in no way inferior to your nobility either in upbringing, or in origin, or in all other respects, suddenly lost all her property and even her freedom, was included in the number of domestic servants and was forced to live worse than any servant, having the advantage over others that her extreme misfortune aroused tears from everyone who saw her. They also tell about Artemisia, the wife of a very noble man; because he began to seek the supreme power, she was reduced to the same poverty and became blind; because partly the greatness of sadness, partly the many tears have darkened her vision, and she now needs outside help to reach other people's doors and thus get the necessary food. I could point out many other families who have suffered such humiliation, if I did not know the piety and prudence of your soul, which does not want to seek consolation in its misfortune in the misfortunes of others. And I have now presented the examples mentioned only so that you may be convinced that human deeds are insignificant, and that truly, as the prophet said, “all the glory of man is like the flower of grass” (Is. 40:6). The higher a person rises and the more shine he acquires, the deeper his fall; and this happens not only with subordinates, but also with the reigning persons themselves. It is impossible to find a private house that would be filled with such misfortunes as the royal palaces are filled with: premature orphanhood, widowhood, violent death, murders, much more lawless and grave than those described in tragedies, especially affect those invested with this power. Leaving aside ancient examples, I will say that of those who reigned in our century (there were nine of them), only two ended their lives with an ordinary death; of the rest, one died from a rebel, another in war, a third from the machinations of his bodyguards, a fourth from the very one who chose him and clothed him with scarlet; and their wives died, as they say, some from poison, others from sadness itself. Of those still alive, one, who has an orphan child, trembles with fear lest one of the rulers destroy him out of fear about the future; and the other, at the request of many, barely returned from exile, to which her ruler had previously sent her. Of the wives of the currently reigning persons, one, freed from previous misfortunes, experiences great grief along with this joy, because the ruler is still very young and inexperienced, and is surrounded by many ill-wishers; and the other is completely exhausted from fear and lives worse than those condemned to death because her husband, from the very time he put on the diadem, still spends time in wars and battles, and more than from misfortunes, he suffers from shame and general reproaches. For never before has it happened what has happened now, that the barbarians, leaving their country, penetrated a thousand, and even several thousand stadia into our land; burning villages and destroying cities, they do not even think of returning home, but, as if enjoying a game and not fighting, they mock all of us; and one of their kings, they say, said that he was amazed at the shamelessness of our warriors, who are slaughtered more than sheep, and they still hope to win and do not want to leave their area; I myself, he said, was already fed up, often striking them. What do you think it feels like in the souls of the king and his wife when they hear such words? 5. When I remembered this war, I imagined a great row of widows who had previously been very resplendent with the celebrity of their husbands, and now suddenly everyone, dressed in sad black clothes, spends all their time in tears. It was not the same with them as with your venerable head. You, most venerable one, saw your wonderful husband lying on his bed, heard his last words, received from him instructions on how to conduct household affairs, and learned the will with which he completely protected you from selfish and treacherous people. In addition, you often fell to him when he was already lying dead, kissed his eyes, hugged and mourned him, saw with what honor he was seen off, you yourself prepared everything necessary for his decent burial, and to this day you receive considerable consolation in grief, often visiting his grave. And they were deprived of all this; they all, having sent their husbands to war in the hope of their return, instead of their husbands received the sad news of their death; those who came to them did not bring them the bodies of the killed (husbands), but only stories about the manner of their death. And there are those who were not worthy of such a narrative and could not find out how (their husbands) fell, who were overwhelmed with many killed. And is it surprising that many of the military leaders died in this way, when the king himself, hiding with a few soldiers in one village, did not dare to leave it and confront the attackers, but, remaining there, was set on fire by them and burned with everyone who was there, not only people, but also horses, weapons, walls, so that it all turned to ashes? Such news about the king, instead of himself, was brought to his wife by those who went with him to battle. Truly, worldly splendor is no different from the performances at the spectacle and from the beauty of spring flowers; and firstly, it disappears before it appears; then, if it remains for a short time, it immediately turns out to be corruptible. What is more insignificant than the honor and glory of the people? What fruit does it bear, what benefit? What good end does it lead to? And, oh, if only this grief were with her! And now, devoted to this most cruel mistress (passion for glory), not only does he not acquire anything good, but he is also forced to constantly endure much that is unpleasant and harmful. She dominates those who surrender to her, and the more pleasure she receives from these slaves, the more she puffs herself up over them and the more severely she wears them out with her commands; and she cannot take revenge on those who reject and despise her. Thus, she is fiercer than both the tyrant and any beast, because affectionate treatment often makes both the tyrant and the beast meek; and this passion is then especially fierce when people obey it more and, if it finds someone obedient to itself and ready for anything, it will not refuse any orders to him. She also has another (passion) as her employee, who can unmistakably be called her daughter. When she herself, having been brought up and raised, is already firmly rooted in us, then she gives rise to pride, which, no less than herself, can throw into the abyss the soul of those who surrender to it. 6. So, tell me, are you really crying because God delivered you from such cruel slavery that he completely blocked access (to you) to these destructive ailments? During your husband’s life, they did not cease to frequently invade your spiritual thoughts; and when he died, they can no longer attack your mind from any direction. Then it remains for you not to cry about their removal and not to allow their intolerable dominion; because where they begin to act strongly, there they overthrow and destroy everything to the ground; and just as many of the dissolute women, ugly and disgusting by nature, seduce the still inexperienced souls of young men with rubbings and embellishments, and, when they subjugate them to their power, treat them worse than any slave, so these passions, vanity and pride, defile human souls worse than any ulcer. Therefore, wealth seemed to many to be a blessing, but without these passions it would not be attractive. Those who managed to gain fame among the people through poverty not only no longer tried to get rich, but also rejected the gold offered to them in large quantities. You do not need me to point you to such people, but you yourself know Epaminondas, Socrates, Aristides, Diogenes, Cratis better than us, who gave his field to pasture for sheep. Others who had no wealth, seeing that poverty could bring them glory, immediately turned to it; and this one (Kratis) gave up even what he had: with such fury everyone tried to acquire this ferocious beast (fame)! Let us not cry that God has delivered us from the vile, ridiculous and very shameful slavery of this ruler; she only has a brilliant name, but in reality she brings those devoted to her into a state opposite to this name, and there is no one who does not laugh at those who do something for glory. He can only become famous and glorious who does not strive for this; and whoever considers national glory to be something great and endures and does everything to acquire it, especially neither achieves nor receives it, but is rewarded with everything opposite: ridicule, condemnation, slander, enmity and hatred. And this usually happens not only to men, but also to you, women, and especially to you. To the one who maintains simplicity in appearance, in gait, and in clothing, and does not seek honor from anyone, all (women) are surprised, admire her, please her and wish her all the best; but they turn away from the vain woman with hatred, run away as if from some wild beast, and shower her with thousands of curses and slander. By not pursuing human glory, we not only avoid these evils, but in addition to what has been said above, we will acquire what is most important, learning little by little to lighten ourselves, to ascend to heaven and to despise everything earthly. He who does not seek honor from people, whatever good he does, does it all calmly and, whether the circumstances of his life are unfortunate or favorable, will not suffer any harm: the former are not able to amaze him and plunge him (into despondency), and the latter are not able to make him proud and arrogant, but among all the changes and confusions he himself remains beyond any change. This, I hope, will soon happen to your soul, and you, having renounced everything worldly, will show us the way of heavenly life, and, not long later, you will laugh at this glory, about which you are now crying, seeing how empty and vain its appearance is. If you want to have the peace that you had with your husband, to preserve your property and not be subject to any machinations of those who take advantage of other people’s misfortunes; then “cast your sorrow upon the Lord, and He will nourish you” (Ps. 54:23). “Look,” says (the Wise One), “at the ancient generations and see who has the faith of the Lord and is ashamed? or who will remain in his fear and remain? or who called him and despised him?” (Sir.2:10). The One who helped you endure such an unbearable misfortune and calmed you now, He will continue to protect you from troubles; and that you will never experience another misfortune greater than this, in this you yourself will agree with us. If you so courageously endured a real disaster, being inexperienced at that, then you will bear it much easier if - which may not happen! - something unwanted will happen to you later. So, seek Heaven and everything that leads to life there, and then nothing here can harm you, not even “the ruler of darkness” himself (Eph. 6:12), as long as we do not harm ourselves. Even if someone took away our property, even if someone cut up (our) body, all this is nothing for us when our soul remains healthy. 7. In general, if you want your property to be safe and even increased, I will show you both a way to do this, and a place where it is impossible for any malicious people to penetrate. What kind of place is this? Sky. Send him to your wonderful husband, and neither thief, nor intruder, nor anything else harmful can touch him. If you put this property there, you will receive a large profit from it; for everything that we plant in heaven bears greater and better fruit, such as the plants of heaven tend to bear. If you do this, then look at what benefits you will receive: firstly, eternal life and the benefits promised to those who love God; “Whose eye has not seen, nor ear heard, neither has the heart of man sighed” (1 Cor. 2:9); then - permanent residence with your beautiful (Thirasius); and you will get rid of these worries, fears, dangers, intrigues, enmity and hatred. As long as you keep your property to yourself, then perhaps there will be people who will appropriate it for themselves; and if you transfer it to Heaven, then you will lead a safe, calm and serene life, enjoying complacency along with piety. It is truly, very unreasonable that, wanting to buy a field, they look for fruitful land, and when Heaven is offered instead of land and they can buy a place there, they remain on earth and suffer sorrows on it, because (earthly) hopes often deceive us. If your soul is greatly indignant and alarmed by the fact that your husband repeatedly had the hope of receiving the dignity of a mayor and was delighted before receiving this power, then first of all, pay attention to the fact that, although this hope was very obvious, it was a human hope, which often does not come true; We see many such cases in life when the most apparently undoubted hopes remained unfulfilled, and on the contrary, things often came true that never even occurred to us, and this, as we see, constantly happens with authorities, and with kingdoms, and with inheritances, and with marriages, and with everything; so, even though the time was very close (to achieve such hope), however, according to the proverb, “from the cup to the upper lip is a long distance.” And the Scripture says: “Time changes from morning to evening” (Sir.18:26). Thus, one reigns today and dies tomorrow. And again, explaining to us the infidelity of hopes, the same Wise One says: “Many tormentors sat on the earth, but the unexpected was tied with a crown” (Sir. 11:5). So (and about your husband) it was not entirely known that he would have achieved this power during his lifetime, which the uncertainty of the future and other circumstances make us doubt. From what is it clear that, if he had remained alive, he would have achieved this power, that even the opposite would not have happened to him, that he would not have lost the dignity that he had, having been exposed to illness or suffered from the envy and malice of people who wanted to harm him, or having experienced some other misfortune? However, let us take, if you like, for certain that during his lifetime he would certainly have reached such a height; but the higher the dignity, the greater it is necessarily accompanied by dangers, worries and intrigues. Even if this doesn’t happen; let him swim across this sea safely and very calmly: what, tell me, would the end be? Isn't it the same as it is now? Even, perhaps, not like that, but another – unpleasant and unwanted. Firstly, he would later see Heaven and everything heavenly, and this is no small loss for believers in the future; then, even though he lived very cleanly, due to the length of his life and the circumstances inevitable in that rank, he could not leave as clean as he is now. It is unknown whether he would not have experienced many changes and whether he would not have fallen into extreme carelessness, in which he would have died. Now we are convinced that, by the grace of God, he flew to his resting place, because he did not do anything that would deprive the Kingdom of Heaven; and then, having spent a long time in public affairs, he might have covered himself with many stains; for to turn among so many evils and live well is a great rarity; and to sin, whether willingly or unwillingly, is an ordinary thing that happens all the time. But now we are freed from such fear and are very confident that on the day of Judgment he will appear in great splendor, shining near the King, preceding Christ together with the Angels, clothed in ineffable glory, standing before the Judge - the King and serving Him in the first place. Therefore, leaving behind tears and sobs, try to live the same way as he lived, or even better than him, so that, having become equal to him in virtue, you will settle in the same monastery with him, and again unite with him for endless centuries, not by this union of marriage, but by another, much more excellent one; for this (marriage) is only a union of bodies, and then there will be a union of soul with soul, much closer, more pleasant and most excellent. About abstinence from a second marriage 1. It is not surprising that women who have not experienced married life, the pains of childbirth and everything else that marriage brings into people’s homes want to get married; and “war”, this such a difficult matter, according to the proverb, “is pleasant for the inexperienced”; but when women who have endured thousands of sorrows and were often forced by difficult experience to consider blessed those free from worldly affairs, and to curse themselves a thousand times, and their matchmakers, and the day on which they entered the bridal chamber, when these women, after such grief, again desire the same state - this leads me to extreme surprise and bewilderment, and forces me to investigate the reason why they are in the state that they previously considered unbearable when they were in in it, now that they have freed themselves from him, they again covet him as if he were desired. Considering my many thoughts about this matter from different angles, I finally, I believe, found the reason for it; or better to say, there is not one reason for this and not only two, but much more. Some (of the widows), due to the lapse of time, having forgotten about the past and caring only about the present, enter into marriage to free themselves from the disasters of widowhood, but they find in it other, much graver disasters, so that they repeat their previous complaints. Others, again indulging in worldly affairs and striving for the glory of this life, and considering the state of widowhood reprehensible, take on the burdens of married life for vain glory and empty importance. And there are also those who again return to their previous state not for these reasons, but solely due to intemperance, although they try to cover up the true reason with the above-mentioned pretexts. However, just as I myself do not dare to reproach and condemn them for this marriage, I do not advise others; because Blessed Paul, or better yet, the Holy Spirit, judges this differently, saying: “A woman is bound by the law, as long as her husband lives: but if her husband dies, she is free to eat, for what she wants, to encroach, just in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39), and allowing the widow, if she wishes, to marry again; and then saying: “He is most blessed, if so he continues” (1 Cor. 7:40), so that someone would not think that this is a human command, he added: “For I imagine that I also have the Spirit of God,” and thereby showed that he wrote this at the inspiration of the Spirit. So, let no one think that I am saying what I am now going to say to censure or condemn those entering into marriage. It would be extremely arrogant and reckless if we began to mercilessly condemn those whom the blessed Apostle did not condemn, but spared, when, moreover, we ourselves are burdened with many sins. If we are commanded “not to judge,” so as not to be condemned to the same extent (Matthew 7:1-2), and to be not strict, but lenient and meek judges of the sins of others, then you, by condemning such a thing that does not constitute a sin, and condemning others, will thereby deprive yourself of all forgiveness, by your actions with your neighbor making the Judge more strict towards you. So, I have now begun this subject not in order to reproach and condemn these (widows); what can be done in the Lord is not subject to any condemnation; “Actually,” says the apostle, “it would be about the Lord.” Just as, speaking about virginity, we extol it (with praise), not in order to humiliate marriage: so, when talking about widowhood, we advise being content with the first marriage, not because we consider the second marriage to be forbidden, but we admit that the second marriage is also a legal matter, and however, the first is much better than the second. Therefore, let no one consider it a vice that, in comparison with the highest, it turns out to be inferior. We do not make this comparison in order to place second marriage in the category of vicious affairs; but, recognizing it as legal and left to the will (of the widow), we nevertheless prefer it and respect the first marriage as much better. Why? Because it’s not the same to be the wife of one husband, and to be the same wife of another. The one who was content with her first marriage showed that she would not have entered into this marriage before if she knew this condition well from experience; and the one who brings another to the marriage bed of her first husband represents considerable proof of her great love for the world and attachment to earthly things. The first, even during her husband’s life, was not inclined towards anyone else; and the latter, although she did not sin with others during her husband’s life, was concerned with many others more than with him. 2. But, without judging the past life with guesses, let’s consider the matter itself. Just as virginity is better than marriage, so the first marriage is better than the second. The widow, only at the beginning becoming lower than the virgin, at the end again equals and becomes identical with her; and the second marriage is lower than virginity on both sides. In addition, the one who easily endures widowhood, of course, often abstains during her husband’s life; and she who considers this condition unbearable is ready to live not only with two or three, but also with a much larger number of husbands, and only with the onset of old age does she barely become abstinent. Therefore, just as that marriage is proof of great honesty and chastity, so this is a sign of - I won’t say, voluptuousness; no, but a weak and very fleshy soul, tied to the earth and incapable of ever conceiving anything great and lofty. If anyone says that a good deed remains a good deed, whether it happens once or twice, or several times (for it will be equally good; and whoever does good often is rightly praised more; so that if marriage is a good deed, then the one who uses it often is more praiseworthy and honorable than the one who uses it rarely), then we will answer that such speculation can captivate the simple-minded, but the sensible can easily understand its falsity. Marriage is called marriage not because of (physical) intercourse - otherwise adultery would be marriage - but because the one entering into marriage is attached to one husband, and this distinguishes a noble and chaste woman from a dissolute one. If she is constantly content with one husband, then the marriage will rightly be called by this name; but if she, instead of one, brings many husbands into her house, then, although I do not dare call it adultery, I would say that she is much inferior to the one who, except for one, did not know another husband. She heeded the words of the Lord: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and both will become one flesh” (Matthew 19:5); she clung to her husband as to her own flesh, and did not forget the chapter once given to her; but this one does not consider either the first or the second husband to be her own flesh; for the first is expelled second, and the second first; and she can no longer remember her first husband well, having become attached to another after him, and she cannot look at the latter with proper love, since her mind also turns to the deceased. Thus, it finally turns out that both of them are deprived by the wife of the honor and love due to a husband! With what disposition of spirit, in her opinion, does the second husband enter the bridal chamber of the first, ascend to his bed and look at his wife, who is laughing and amused at all this? He, of course, is greatly indignant and does not approach her with much love; even if he were the hardest of all people, he still cannot be so rude as not to have human feelings, even if she clothed herself and her house with countless decorations. The sadness that has already befallen the house (after the first husband) does not allow pure joy (with the second), but, just as on the walls, of which some part is heavily burned and then somewhat tinted, the sharp and deep blackness spoils the whiteness of the paint, and the appearance is unpleasant; so here, even though (the wife) came up with a lot of brilliance, despondency and some kind of unpleasant mixture of both are visible in it. And household members, and maids, and workers, and residents, and neighbors, and relatives of the deceased look at this matter with sorrow and regret. And if there are still orphans left, then the minors arouse strong dislike for the mother in those who can understand the matter, and the adults cause her the most trouble. Realizing all this, the legislators, wanting to both console the mourners (widows) and to justify themselves, show that they established the second marriage not out of their own conviction or out of some prejudice, but out of fear of a greater evil, deprived this marriage of all splendor, so that its evenings are not decorated with flutes, applause, songs, dances, wedding crowns, or anything else like that; eliminating all this, they bring the husband to the widowed wife uncrowned, as if expressing by this that they allow everything else out of condescension, and not as worthy of praise, applause and crowns. 3. Why, they will say, did Paul forbid the young to remain widows, even if they wanted it, writing this: “But deny young widows” (1 Tim. 5:11)? “It was not Paul who forbade widowhood to those who wished it, but they themselves forced him, against his will, to give them such a law. And if you want to know Paul’s own desire, listen to what he says: “I desire that all men may be as I am” in self-control (1 Cor. 7:7). The blessed apostle does not rebel against himself, does not fall into contradiction and does not forbid widowhood to those who wish, when he himself wants all people to observe abstinence. Why does he say: “But deny young widows” (1 Tim. 5:11)? Tell me: why and for what? He didn’t just say that, but also gave a reason: “Whenever,” he says, “they become furious about Christ, they want to encroach.” You see that he forbids not those who wish to become widows to remain widows and belong to this sacred host, but to those who, having been widowed, intend to marry again; and does it very wisely. If you intend, he says, to enter into a second marriage, then do not take a vow of widowhood; because making a vow and not fulfilling it is much worse than not promising at all. Just as he allowed frequent communications (to husband and wife) not as a law, but out of condescension towards them: “But this,” he says, “I say by advice, and not by command,” because of your intemperance (1 Cor. 7:5-6), - so here he allowed a second marriage in order to avoid another greater evil, which he showed that he did this too out of condescension, in relation to the weakness of many; I mean weakness, not strength, but will. Just as a virgin who is corrupted after a vow of virginity sins worse than adultery; so a widow, who once took a vow (of widowhood), and then violated the covenant with God, falls into the same sin and is subject to the same punishment, and even, if something surprising can be said, it can be much more; because, as I said at the beginning, it makes no difference whether an inexperienced or already experienced one again falls into the same temptations. And not only here, but also in the above place (1 Tim. 5:11) and after the words: “I would like to encroach upon young widows, to give birth to children, to build a house,” the apostle gives the reason why he wants this. What is this reason? “Never,” he says, “gives guilt to someone else for the sake of blasphemy” (1 Tim. 5:14). Since then, probably, many widows, having freed themselves from married life, as from some kind of bondage and slavery, used their subsequent life very freely and without permission, and with such shamelessness they brought upon themselves a bad rumor, then, in order to deviate them from this disastrous freedom, he again subjects them to the previous yoke. If, he says, some widow decides to secretly commit adultery and dishonor herself, then it is much better for her to get married and “not give a single blasphemy to anyone else for the sake of it.” Thus, he commanded (widows) to marry so that they would not give rise to slander and would not lead a shameful and dissolute life; exactly, listen to what he accuses them of. Instead of spending all their time in prayers and supplications, “they,” he says, “learn to go from house to house idle: not precisely idle, but also slutty and curious, speaking things that are not proper” (1 Tim. 5:13). But this is not what he wants, but for the widow to constantly exercise herself in spiritual matters: “but she who feeds,” he says, “at large, dies alive” (1 Tim. 5:6). So, from a virgin, the apostle demands that she not limit this virtue (virginity) to purity of body, but use all her free time in serving God: “But this,” he says, “for your own benefit I say: I will not impose power on you, but for the beauty and grace of the Lord I will remain silent” (1 Cor. 7:35); he wants the virgin not to share, but to devote herself entirely to the spiritual and heavenly, and to care about the Lord. He also exhorts the widow towards such a life: “But she who is,” he says, “is a true widow and is alone, trusting in God and abiding in prayers and supplications day and night” (1 Tim. 5:5). And if widows spend the time that should be spent on evangelical matters throughout their lives on activities that are not only unnecessary and useless, but also very harmful, then he rightly already disposes them towards marriage. And just as God gave the Jews the Sabbath, not so that they would simply be inactive (on this day), but so that they would refrain from wicked deeds: so both the widow and the virgin choose this way of life not only in order not to live with their husbands, but in order to care about the Lord, in order to devote themselves entirely to serving God. 4. So, you say; but it will be an unbearable disaster for a woman inexperienced in business if she is forced to bear male responsibilities; she will not be able to manage like a man, and will achieve nothing but grief and the loss of all property. Is it really true that everyone who did not enter into a second marriage lost all their property and was deprived of everything, and it is impossible to point to a single widowed woman managing affairs? All this is a pretense and an excuse, and a cover for one’s own weakness. Many women were better than their husbands in managing the house and raising orphans, and some of them increased the property they inherited, while others did not decrease it. And God did not at first entrust everything to men and did not make everyday matters dependent only on them; otherwise the woman would be subjected to contempt, as not at all contributing to our life. Knowing this, God provided her with a smaller part (of affairs), which he expressed from ancient times in the words: “Let us make him a helper” (Gen. 2:18). So that the husband, on the basis that he was created first and that the wife was created for him, would not become proud of her, God humbled his pride with these words and showed that a wife, no less than a husband, is necessary for worldly affairs. What are these things and how does it help us to organize our lives? Since real well-being depends on family affairs no less than on public affairs, God divided them, and left everything public to men, and domestic affairs to women; and if this order is changed, then everything will be upset and perish; so each of them (husband and wife) is much more useful in their work than the other. So, if household chores depend on female prudence, and if a wife is as superior to her husband in this respect as artists are superior to ignoramuses in their art: then why do we have such vain fear? It is common only for men to increase property and collect from outside, and it is obscene for a woman to care about profit; but to store and take care of what she has acquired is unique to her. Although it seems that acquiring is more important than saving, the former without the latter is useless and in vain; often even the first and even the last not only does not bring any benefit, but also ruins everything. Since it is difficult for a husband, when acquiring benefits from outside, to always acquire them in a just manner (for men often profit from the misfortunes of other people); then unjust and violent acquisitions that fall into the hands of a wife often harm her art and economy. Therefore, although acquiring is more important than preserving, the former turns out to be worse than the latter in another respect, when it not only does not contribute to the increase of property, but also destroys what has been collected. Why would the widow be afraid that without her husband the household affairs, about which she herself had taken care even during his lifetime, would not go worse? He, you say, can give orders more easily, since out of fear of him no one will oppose and cause difficulties; then the servants, and the housekeepers, and the attorneys, and everyone, fearing him, obey with complete readiness; and no one contradicts; and when the one they feared dies, everyone attacks the widow, insults her, becomes impudent, and throws everything into chaos and disorder; If she begins to resist and deal with it, subjecting (the disobedient) to torture and beatings, and imprisoning her, then there will be gossip, slander, and reproaches from many. But, if she breaks fidelity to the deceased and forgets his love, and that evening on which he first united with her, and the applause, and songs, and wedding lamps, and the first embraces, and meals, and so on, in which she always took part, and the speeches that a wife usually hears from her husband; if she suddenly throws all this away, as if it never happened, opening the doors of her house to another, and draws him to the bed of the deceased - this witness of the whole past - if she does this, will no one really reproach and condemn her? Will no one really hate her and call her cruel, unfaithful, perjured and all similar names? 5. Do not think that because Blessed Paul allowed a second marriage, he is already worthy of praise and is not condemned by many. Although he is not subject to retribution or punishment, he cannot enjoy praise and glorification. Thus, lust and sensuality (of the husband) and intemperance from the wife during fasting, or at any other time, also escapes punishment, but does not receive praise; This very condescension is nothing more than an exposure of his great weakness and negligence. If you are afraid that you will not be considered cruel for being strict with your servants, then first of all you should be afraid that you will not be considered voluptuous and intemperate. In addition, the widow will be able to better arrange her affairs so that all her property is safe, and she herself is not only not reviled, but also praised by everyone, and first of all, so that she can receive Divine benefits. If she wants to lay down her property in Heaven and hide it in this safe place, then not only will it not decrease, but it will increase even more; for such is the nature of this sowing. If she has not risen to the level of fulfilling this commandment and does not want to suddenly put everything there, then let her think about the fact that, having gotten married, she will not necessarily find in him a man who will increase her property; if he is like that, then let her think not about increasing only her property, but also about the fact that she can be involved in many things that are contrary to both God and people. If the husband is one of the strong and powerful people, then it may happen that he will force her to do and endure a lot against her wishes; and thus she will now inevitably be exposed to what she feared in widowhood, and not only this, but may experience the most rapid change. Remaining a widow, even if she suffers some damage to her property, she can enjoy the rest with great security, but if she marries a strong husband who manages public affairs or has some other concern, she may suddenly lose everything; because their wives also necessarily participate in the misfortunes of husbands. But, even if nothing happens, what gain, tell me, would it be to exchange freedom for slavery? What is the use of more wealth when you cannot use it for whatever you want? Isn't it much better to own a little freely than to own the riches of the entire universe, and together with them to be under the power of another? Now I’m not talking about worries, insults, slander, jealousy and vain suspicions, diseases of childbirth and everything else. Whoever talks to a girl can tell her about this too, as she is inexperienced and does not know these matters. But whoever would talk about this to the widow would cause trouble for her; because it is in vain to try to teach her in words what she has learned better from experience. However, it is useful to add that a girl, having married, will live with him with greater confidence and freedom than a widow. Although the husband will love this as his wife, but not as much as the one he took as a girl; and that love for such wives (of girls) is much stronger and more ardent than for those (of widows), this is known to everyone; he will not embrace and love the widow with all his heart, as he will the one who has already known another husband. We are all, so to speak, accustomed, whether out of jealousy or vanity, or, I don’t know for what other reason, to love most of all those objects that we own and use not after others, but that we ourselves dispose of alone and first. So, you can see this happens with our clothes: we don’t so much like the clothes that came into our possession from others, as those that no one wore. It’s the same with houses and vessels: we do not so much love the house that we inherited from another, as the one that we ourselves built; And among the vessels, we preserve with special thrift and care those that were recently made and received their first use from us, but we do not value those that came to us from others very much and sometimes even disdain them, so we remake them. If we have such a feeling in relation to houses, clothes and vessels, then imagine with what force it must awaken in relation to a wife, to whom there is nothing dearer to a husband? We can give those things to those who wish, but it is not permissible to give a wife; so we would rather part with our souls than allow ourselves to do so. So, as I said, the husband treats the girl with all his affection, as if she were inviolable and belongs to him and no one else, but a widow who was previously married to someone else will not look with such love and affection. 6. Do not tell me about what happened occasionally and maybe once, but about what constantly happens in experience. The girl will live with greater confidence not only for the above reasons, but also for many others. The widow’s husband can easily reproach her for neglecting him, and as proof of such neglect, refer to her infidelity to her first husband, and will force her to remain silent both regarding the past and what may not happen: the neglect shown to the deceased will cause the living to expect the same for himself, even if this did not happen. And not only her husband will burden her with such reproaches, but also servants and maids, if not openly, then secretly, will reproach her and shower her with countless ridicule. And if it happens that there are still young children left after the deceased, how will she raise them, how will she take care of them? Will they not spend their lives more unhappily than any orphan, seeing in the hands of another all the property of their father, and the servants, and the house, and the fields, and most importantly - his wife? Can they treat her like a mother? Can she also treat as children, those whom she is forced to feel ashamed and blush at, and to whom she cannot show all her mother’s love, because her soul is divided between them and the children of her last husband? But what, someone will say, if she is very young and has not lived with her husband for long? All this I said not to the old, but to the young widows; I won’t even talk to the old people who do this; because if neither a long time, nor age, nor anything else has convinced them to abstain from a second marriage, then all the less can we convince them with our word. All my speech is to the young people. What, they will say, if she is young and, having lived only one year in marriage with her first husband, enters into a second marriage? Why do you address her preferentially over the one who has been married for twenty or thirty years? Not me, but blessed Paul, who says: “He is most blessed if he continues” (1 Cor. 7:40). What do we care about the one who, although she lived for a long time with her husband, but with only one, with the same one, with whom she was married at the beginning? And this one gave itself to two, and in a short time. But she, you say, (did it) involuntarily; if her first husband had been alive, she would not have loved another in his presence; and since he died prematurely, she, of necessity, was again combined with another. For what reason? I see another necessity, greater than the one you are talking about, one that is sufficient to keep it with the deceased, namely the experience of the sorrows of worldly life. She who has lived such a life for a long time and has quite enjoyed it can again turn to a similar life in the hope of finding the same pleasures; But the one who at the very beginning (of married life) experienced such grief, by what motive and with what hope will she go to meet the same troubles? And anyone who wants to trade, if he has not yet received any profit and suffers a shipwreck when leaving the pier, will then be reluctant to take up trading. So this widow, who expected (from marriage) many pleasures and, not having had time to taste them well, experienced such sorrow, of course, will not fall in love with worldly life unless she is very intemperate, or better said, even if she had a fiery disposition and a strong passion for this life, an unpleasant beginning can sufficiently extinguish her passion. We usually hold on very tightly to our enterprises when we have started them well; when, from the very beginning and, so to speak, from the first step, we encounter troubles and inconveniences, then we soon abandon our intention, which grows cold in us. Likewise, those who are widowed early should themselves refuse a second marriage, so as not to suffer the same thing again. The one who remains widowed can live calmly and not fear the same grief again, but the one who enters into a second marriage will have to expect the same misfortune. Moreover, although the condition of widowhood is the same, not all widows will receive the same rewards for it, but some will receive greater ones, and others lesser ones; those who accepted this yoke in their youth will receive greater honor and reward than those who are widowed in old age. Why? Because the first (widow), despite many obstacles, endured everything out of the fear of God, and the last did not suffer even a small feat or labor; for what is labor where there is nothing requiring effort? Therefore, just as someone who marries someone else has less than one husband, so someone who remains widowed from her youth can greatly surpass someone who has lost her husband in old age; although both had only one husband, one of them went through a (whole) course of purity, while the other lagged far behind. So, look not only at the work, but also at the reward. Many good deeds seem so difficult to us because, constantly paying attention to their difficulty and severity, we do not imagine in our minds the rewards prepared for them. We should not act this way, but take into account everything together, with labors and rewards, and then the labors will seem easy to us, just as they really are easy. So a valiant warrior, when he goes to war, imagines not only wounds, defeat and death, but also trophies, and victories, and all other honors; and the farmer, starting to work, has in mind not only plowing and the labor of digging the earth, but also the threshing floor and the grindstone. So we, too, will ease the burden of widowhood with good hopes, and much more than the people named, because the fulfillment of their expectations is often hindered by many circumstances beyond their control, and no one will disgrace our hopes unless we ourselves wish it. Let us not have such a desire, but, bearing in mind that a widow is slightly inferior to a virgin (sometimes even superior to her, when a virgin interferes in worldly affairs, and a widow, according to Paul, “is alone, trusts in God and continues in prayers and supplications” (1 Tim. 5:5) and abstains from worldly affairs), let us take upon ourselves this feat in order to be rewarded for it crowns This is not said to you for coercion and not because, as I said, we offered this admonition to condemn those who do not want to remain widows, but to dispose and convince them not to be too attached to the earth and, once renounced (from the bonds of marriage), remain free, strive for Heaven, lead a lifestyle there and, having united with Christ, do everything as it should be for those who have such a Bridegroom; for to Him is due all glory, honor and worship, with the Originless Father and His Life-Giving and Holy Spirit, now and always, and unto the ages of ages. Amen.