Слово 27. О воспитании детей.

I ask and implore you, beloved, that we will take great care of our children and take every possible care for the salvation of their souls. Imitate blessed Job, who, even fearing their sins in thought, made sacrifices for them and showed great concern for them; imitate Abraham, who also cared not about money and property, but about Divine laws - how to pass on their preservation unharmed to descendants. And when David was dying, instead of a great inheritance, he called his son, instilled the same thing, and says in detail that if you want, child, to live according to the laws of God, then nothing unexpected will happen to you, all your affairs will flow according to your desire and you will enjoy great security; if you fall away from this help, then the kingdom and this great power will not benefit you at all. After all, if piety is absent, then even those treasures that exist perish with danger and extreme shame; if it is present, then those who are not present also come. Therefore, parents should not think about how to make their children rich in silver and gold, but about how they would become richer in piety, wisdom and the acquisition of virtue, no matter how they do not need much, no matter how they are not carried away by worldly and youthful desires. And their entrances and exits, their conversations and meetings must be carefully examined, knowing that if this is neglected, they will not receive any leniency from God. After all, if we are required to pay for caring for others, and it is said: “Seek no one’s own, but each one the benefit of another” (1 Cor. 10:24), then how much more for caring for children? You do and undertake everything as if they had a beautiful horse, shiny homes, valuable fields, but you don’t pay any attention to the fact that they have a good soul and a good will. Even if someone’s acquisitions were great and valuable, if he is not filled with zeal to dispose of them virtuously, everything will perish and go with him; when the soul is noble and devoted to wisdom, then even if nothing is put aside in the house, it will be able to fearlessly possess all sorts of blessings. And the fact that many of the parents suffer a lot because of their children is because they do not want to flog, reason with words and upset their dissolute and illegally living sons, which is why they often have to see how they get into extreme troubles, are brought to trial and are given over to the executioners to have their heads beheaded. Indeed, when you yourself do not educate, when you yourself do not make wise, then he, having joined unfit and corrupt people, having joined them in vice, is brought under the influence of social laws and is punished in front of everyone; and after the execution comes an even greater shame, because after his death everyone points fingers at his father and it is shameful for him to even appear on the market. With what eyes will he really be able to look at those he meets after such ugliness and misfortune for his child? What could be worse than this madness? Really, tell me, aren’t you ashamed and don’t you blush when the judge punishes and disciplines your son, and he, who first lived with you for so long, needs correction from someone else? Don't you have a desire to close yourself and hide? And you, nevertheless, tell me, do you still dare to call yourself a father, having thus betrayed your son, without providing him with the necessary help and not paying attention to his death from all sorts of vices? When you see that some tramp is strangling your child, you are indignant, angry, angry, and more furiously than a beast you jump to the face of the one who struck you - but when you see how the devil strangles him every day, how demons lead to vices, you sleep, you are not indignant, you are not angry, you are not tearing your son away from the most terrible beast? And what kind of philanthropy will you be rewarded with? Isn’t it unreasonable that when your son falls into a demon, you resort to all the saints, bother those living on the tops of the mountains, just to save him from this demon, and when he is constantly oppressed by sin, which is heavier than any demon, you do nothing? And there is nothing difficult about being tormented by a demon, because a demon in any case cannot cast you into Gehenna; and if we are sober and endure such attacks with gratitude, then this test can even bring us bright and glorious crowns; and whoever leads a life of vice will never be able to be saved; he will inevitably be worthy of reproach here, and after leaving this life he will suffer eternal punishment there. How will you end up justifying yourself? Didn’t I, it will be said to you, allow the child to live with you from the very beginning? I placed you over him as a teacher, mentor, guardian and boss - didn’t I give all the power over him into your hands? Did I not order him, so tender, to be processed and organized? What excuse will you get if you looked at his jumps with carelessness? What do you say? That he is unbridled and untamed? But you had to look at all this from the beginning - to bridle him when he was young and accessible to bridle; carefully accustom him, direct him to what he should, tame his emotional impulses when he was more susceptible to influence; the weeds then had to be plucked out, when age was more tender and it could be plucked out more easily: then the unattended passions would not have intensified and become incorrigible. So, what excuse can we make when God does not even spare the lives of children if they insult us - “whoever,” it is said, “speaks evil of his father or his mother, must be put to death” (Ex. 21:16-17) - and we are not even angry with them if they insult God? “I,” he says, “don’t even refuse to kill you when he insults you, but you don’t dare even say a word to upset me when he tramples on My laws? How worthy of leniency would this be? Therefore, let us not be negligent towards children, knowing that if they behave well in relation to God, they will be respected and glorious in this life. Everyone honors and respects the one who lives virtuously and honestly, even if he is the poorest of all, just as everyone treats the vicious with disgust and hatred, even if he possesses great wealth. He who is negligent towards his children, even if he was good and decent in other respects, will suffer extreme punishment for this sin. And if you want to know for sure that even if all our affairs are in order, but we do not care about saving our children, we will be subjected to extreme punishment, then carefully delve into what will be said. There was a certain priest among the Jews, a humble and pious man; his name was Eli, he was the father of two sons; seeing that they were walking in evil, he did not restrain or hinder, or better yet, he both restrained and hindered, but he did not do it with all care, he did not impose punishment, but tried only with verbal admonitions to turn them away from wickedness, and constantly spoke to them the following words: “No, my children... do not do this, the report that I hear is not good” (1 Samuel 2:24). True, these words were sufficient to correct them; but since he did not do everything that was necessary, he set God up against himself and against them, and untimely sparing himself and his children, he destroyed his own salvation along with the children. Apart from negligence towards children, God had nothing to blame the old man for. If God overthrew him with his whole house, him who sinned more easily, will he leave those who sin more seriously without punishment? If the fact that he was a priest, and that he was an elder, and that he was famous, and that for twenty years he blamelessly ruled over the Jewish people - if all this was not able to justify him, but he died extremely miserably because he did not carefully take care of the children, and the sin of his negligence, like a harsh huge wave, overwhelmed everything and closed all his exploits, then what punishment awaits us, who are much inferior to him in virtue, and we not only do not instruct children, but do we act more cruelly towards them than any barbarian? Just as someone cannot count on justification and forgiveness for their own sins, so parents cannot count on the sins of their children. And very right. If sin were inherent in people by nature, then others could rightfully count on justification, and since we are both evil and good of our own free will, what plausible reason can be given by someone who allows his most beloved (child) to become corrupted and become vicious? Better not leave wealth to your children, but leave virtue. And isn’t it extremely unreasonable that during their lifetime they are not made stewards of all property, but after death they are given great freedom to their frivolous youth. Being alive, we would at least be able to demand an account, in case of bad use, to reason and curb; and when we die, then, having deprived them of ourselves and leaving youth and wealth at their disposal, we will push them into countless abysses of disasters and misfortunes. Let us therefore strive not to leave them rich, but to leave them virtuous. After all, if they rely on wealth, they will not care about anything else, because the abundance of money will obscure for them the depravity of morals; and if they see that they are deprived of any consolation on this side, then they will do everything to find great consolation in poverty with the help of virtue. So, let us not begin private or public studies before we have directed their souls. If you educate your sons, they in turn will educate theirs, and these latter will again teach theirs: continuing in this way until the coming of Christ, this work will bring the entire reward to the one who served as the root. And indeed, if you raise a child well, then he will also be your son, and he will be his son: and to the very edge there will stretch, as it were, some chain and sequence of the most excellent life, taking its beginning and root from you and bearing fruits for you from the zeal of your descendants. And those fathers who do not care about the decency and modesty of their children are child killers, and more cruel than child killers, since here we are talking about the destruction and death of the soul. Therefore, just as if you see a horse rushing towards an abyss, you throw a bridle over its mouth, forcefully lift it up on its hind legs, and often beat it - which is true punishment, but punishment is the mother of salvation - do the same with your children if they sin: bind the sinner until you appease God; do not leave him untied, lest he be further bound by the wrath of God. If you bind, God will not then bind; if you do not bind him, then unspeakable chains await him. But, they will say, he suffered punishment for a sufficient time. Which one, tell me? A year, two or three? But I do not demand length of time, but correction of the soul; you tell me - have you repented, have you changed, have everything been accomplished; if this is not the case, then there is no benefit from time. Thus, we do not demand frequent dressing of the wound, but that the bandage should bring some benefit: if it brought benefit in a short time, then it is no longer imposed, and if it did not bring any benefit, then even after ten years it is still imposed: here it is, the term for the release of the bound man is his benefit. And nothing recommends those in power more than ardent love for those under power. And what makes a father is not only that he gave birth, but also that, having given birth, he loves. If love is necessary in the realm of nature, then even more so in the realm of grace. And you, O child, obey those who gave birth to you, as a servant (to a master). After all, how can you repay what they (gave) you? You cannot give birth to them in turn. Also, when your father admonishes your brother, be indignant with him, either out of concern for your brother, or out of sympathy for your father, because if the offender sees that his father is punishing him, and you condone him, he will become more negligent, and the harm will not be limited to him alone, but you will also incur retribution on yourself. Likewise, the one who prevents the healing of a wound is guilty of no less, but even greater punishment than the one who inflicted (the wound), because it is not the same thing to wound and to interfere with the healing of a wound; the latter ultimately gives rise to death, and the former not entirely. Let us not be disrespectful to our parents, because if we treat them without respect, we will certainly have to humble ourselves out of fear of our superiors; and if, while sinning, we neglect it, then in no case will we be able to avoid the reproach of conscience; if we regard it as nothing and reject it, then we will have to correct ourselves out of fear of human opinion; If we don’t respect him either, then fear of the laws will be able to bring us to reason even against our will. Just as when the wicked are punished, others become better, so when some do what is right, many are encouraged to imitate them. And the child, while under the guidance of a strict teacher, does not excite surprise, even if he was modest, even if he lived decently - everyone attributes the youth’s modesty to fear of the teacher; and when this need (for a teacher) passes and he remains with the same purity of morals, then everyone blames him for the modesty of his previous age. Therefore, educators should be valued and loved more than fathers: from the latter we get (just) life, but from the latter we get a good life. And if your father is a saint of life, do not be arrogant: this is precisely what will lead to greater condemnation for you when, having an example of nobility at home, you behave unworthy of your ancestral virtue. It is a great blessing to have hopes of salvation in your own good deeds, because in that age no friend will intercede in any case. If it is said here to Jeremiah: “Do not ask for this people,” here, where we have the power to change, then even more so in that age. Thus, praise to the ancestors, if we are involved in it, serves as praise to us; and if not, then it does not matter at all; it brings even greater condemnation. How exactly - listen: David had a son Absalom, an incorrigible, spoiled youth; he once rebelled against his father and, having deprived him of his kingdom, home and fatherland, took possession of everything in his place; he did not respect nature, nor education, nor age, nor what he had previously received, but he was so cruel and inhuman, a beast more than a man, that, having destroyed all these obstacles, he shamelessly trampled upon the very laws of nature and filled everything with confusion and horror. After all, he should have been treated with respect, if not as a father, then as an elder: if he neglected old age, then he should have been ashamed of him as a benefactor; if not this, then as having committed no injustice. But the passion of lust for power drove out all such shame and turned man into a beast. And this blessed one, who gave birth to him and raised him, wandered through the desert like a wanderer and a fugitive, like an exile, punished by exile and the hardships associated with it, and meanwhile he enjoyed his father’s goodness. When circumstances were in such a situation, when his troops were prepared, and the cities were under the rule of a tyrant, a certain Hushai, a good man and friend of David, who retained his friendship despite such vicissitudes of times, when he saw him wandering in the desert, tore his clothes, sprinkled himself with ashes, uttered a groan, cried out bitterly and pitifully: he offered tears as a consolation, because he could do nothing. He was a friend not of times and not of power, but of virtue; therefore, when power was lost, he did not change the friendship. And so, seeing that he was doing this, David said to him: this is a sign of a friend and sincerely disposed towards us, but it does not bring us any benefit; and what should be advised and taken so that the horrors would be resolved and I would find some way out of the misfortunes? Having said this, he offers him the following thought: go, he says, to my son, put on the guise of a friend, thwart his plans and invalidate the advice of Ahithophel. And this Ahithophel had influence on the tyrant, was close to him, was skilled in military affairs, knew how to command and fight; That is why David was more afraid of him than of the tyrant: this man was so dangerous in advice. Having heard this, Hushai obeyed, did not think anything cowardly or cowardly, and did not say: “What if I am captured? What if my disguise is revealed and exposed? What if the deception is revealed? Ahithophel is cunning - perhaps he will expose and reveal this too, and I will die for nothing and in vain.” He didn’t think anything of the sort, went to the army and, trusting in God, rushed into the midst of danger. When he entered the city, seeing the tyrant approaching, he approached him; and he, suddenly noticing him and being intoxicated by the lust for power, did not carefully investigate his affairs, but said with mockery and reproach: “Go to your comrade!” - out of hatred and great enmity, not wanting to even mention his father’s name. Hushai, not at all embarrassed or afraid, what does he say? When God was with him, and I stood for him, and when He is now with you, it is natural to serve you. This flattered the tyrant and aroused his pride, and he, without thoroughly examining anything - after all, a frivolous person, bypassed by his opponents, believes every word - introduces him to the number of his close associates and inscribes him among his first friends. Still, this was arranged by God, who was present there and directed events. And finally, when a military council was drawn up, and different opinions were offered from different sides as to whether it was necessary to act now or wait a little, that terrible Ahithophel acted as an adviser giving an opinion and gave the following advice: while your father is currently confused and frightened, we will attack him, and thus, without giving him a chance to breathe, we will destroy him; If we now attack him while he is not prepared, then we will not have any difficulty. Having heard this, the tyrant also calls Hushai, who hypocritically ran over to him, and says: let’s exchange a word with him too - which happened not at all due to human consistency, i.e. that now only the one who came was so honored, recognized as worthy of faith and honored with consultation on such matters, but, as I said, then God directed, and the difficult was made easy. And Hushai is brought in, the tyrant openly hands over the matter to him and invites him to say what he thinks? What about Hushai? Never, he says, has Ahithophel made such a mistake. Do you notice your husband's prudence? He does not immediately express his opinion to him, but with praise - first he is surprised at him for giving successful advice in the past, and then he condemns his present opinion - as if he were saying: I wonder how he made a mistake, because this opinion does not seem appropriate to me. If we attack now, then your father, like some kind of maddened bear, being filled with rage, despairing of his own life, fighting with blazing anger, will not pay any attention to his own salvation, and will fall upon us with great fury; if we hesitate a little, we will attack with greater forces and with greater confidence, without difficulty and easily capture him, as if in a net, and take him away. Absalom praised this opinion and considered it more useful to himself. Hushai said this in order to give David time to recover somewhat, rest and gather an army. Having thus eliminated the opinion of Ahithophel, he, through some secretly sent men, reported everything to David, that it was the tyrant who approved his opinion, which promised victory to David. And so it happened, because when those who were with the tyrant yielded a little, David, having prepared himself, attacked and gained the upper hand. Ahithophel, who, thanks to his great intelligence and insight, knew what the end of this would be, that it was precisely this opinion that was disastrous for Absalom, unable to bear such grief, he left, put on a noose and hanged himself, and thus committed his life. So, it is said about Ahithophel and Absalom: “His anger will turn on his own head” (Ps. 7:17), because the punishment came on the heads of both. The one who used the rope ended his life in this way; Absalom did not hang himself, but hung against his will, and did not die immediately, but, as if in prison, he had previously been tied and attached to a tree, and according to God’s sentence pronounced from above, he hung for a long time, scourged, moreover, by his conscience. And so that you know that this did not happen through human efforts, but was entirely the judgment of God, he was tied to a tree by his hair, an unreasonable animal betrayed him, hair was used instead of a rope, a tree was used instead of a pillar, a mule was used instead of a warrior. And pay attention to God's mercy; He left him for a long time, inclining him to repentance and giving him the opportunity to experience his father's affection. After all, if he had not been an animal and had not possessed a soul of stone, then all this would have been capable of turning him away from unfortunate madness - (I mean) the table at which he had communication with his father in food, the house, the meetings at which he exchanged conversations, and everything else from which reconciliation could follow for him, who had committed such a murder. Besides this, something else was able to soften it. He heard that (the father) wandered as an exile and fugitive, that he suffered extreme hardships. How could he not understand that even in the event of victory, he, damned and criminal in the very triumph, would have to lead the most miserable life? And to top it off, the father was old and close to waiting - to last only a short time. Where are those who mourn his misfortune now? What misery is not worse, what illness, what sorrow? However, this righteous man did not say anything like that to himself, did not fall into despair, did not rebel, saying: “I receive good retribution, I am the one who trained in His law day and night, after such dignity I became more humiliating than everyone else, spared by my enemies and given into the hands of my unbridled son!” He didn’t say or think anything like that, but he endured everything with prudence, having only one consolation for what happened in the conviction that it happened with the knowledge of God. And how the three youths, being in the cave, said: “If this does not happen, then let it be known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods and we will not worship the golden image that you have set up” (Dan. 3:18), and if someone had said to them: “With what hope are you dying? What are you expecting, what are you hoping for after death, after this fire? There is no hope for resurrection,” then he would have heard from them that for us the greatest reward lies in the fact that we die for God - just like that, he also considered it the greatest consolation for himself that God, knowing this, did not interfere. And if a lover thousands of times is ready to suffer death for his beloved, even if after death he did not expect anything from her, then we must endure this much more not in anticipation of the Kingdom, not in some other hope for future benefits, but for God Himself, because glory befits Him forever and ever. Amen. Ἐκλογαί άπό διαφόρων λόγων . Under this name are known collections of conversations compiled by various persons after the death of Chrysostom on certain topics, from those related to the topics and especially liked by the compilers of the works of the saint. The passages are given partly in a literal presentation, partly in a free retelling and are borrowed both from the original works of Chrysostom, and from works only attributed to Chrysostom, which have not only survived to this day, but have also been lost. These Eclogues (selections) were widespread and were used by both private individuals and kings. Known, for example, is the luxurious collection of Eclogues, owned by the Byzantine emperor Nikephoros Botaniatus (1078–1081), registered among the codices of the Koalene Library under No. LXXIX. The paragraphs in the text were arranged by us. – Editorial staff of “ABC of Faith” You might be interested in: