Conversations about marriage

“Conversations on Marriage” (3 conversations) were delivered by St. John Chrysostom in Constantinople, year unknown. In the first conversation, “In response to the words: “But to avoid fornication, let each one have his own wife” (1 Cor. 7:2)” (5 chapters), the saint, preferring chastity, following the Apostle Paul, considers marriage as a means against fornication, speaking about the equality in this regard of husband and wife, and criticizes pagan wedding rites. *The title of the essay in Latin is In illud: Propter fornicationes uxorem. In the second conversation, “To the words: A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord. But she is more blessed if she remains like this” (1 Cor. 7:39)” (4 chapters) St. John speaks about monogamy and the impermissibility of marrying a divorced wife while her first husband is still alive: “She who has a husband will not decide, during his lifetime, to belong to another, having heard that she is “connected” with him while he is alive; also, if she has lost her husband, if she wants to enter into a second marriage, she will do so... in accordance with the laws established by Paul, who says: “she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord,” i.e. with self-control, with honesty.” If a woman decides to remain a widow after the death of her husband, then “she will hear about the crowns assigned to her and will be strengthened in her resolve. “But she is more blessed,” says the apostle, “if she remains thus” (1 Cor. 7:40). *The title of the work in Latin is De libello repudii. In the third conversation, “Praise to Maximus, and about what kind of wives you should take” (9 chapters), the saint advises turning to the Epistles of the Apostle Paul to find out what kind of wives you should choose and what should be done when you come across an evil, treacherous, drunken, slanderous wife. St. John Chrysostom believes that in such cases the husband should make every effort to correct his wife’s vices, and not divorce her. The Maximus mentioned in the title, whose speech the saint praises in the 1st chapter, is probably Bishop Maximus of Seleucia, a friend of St. John. *Title of the work in Greek – ᾿Εϒκώμιον εἰς Μάξιμον κα περ τοῦ ποίας δεῖ ἄϒεσθαι ϒυναῖκας. The title of the work in Latin is Quales ducendae sint uxores. Conversation 1 * Conversation 2 * Conversation 3 The following three conversations, of which the first takes as its text the words of the Apostle Paul: “But in order to avoid fornication, let each one have his own wife” (1 Cor. 7:2) and so on, the second has as its subject the question of marriage with an outcast, and the third treats the choice of a spouse, obviously, were pronounced one after another. One place at the beginning of the second conversation shows that she followed the first, the text of which she is engaged in. The third conversation was probably delivered a few days after the second: the introduction itself can serve as proof of this. The main discussion is the question (in the first) of marriage and the inconvenience of licentious dances and seductive songs, which in the time of Chrysostom usually accompanied marriage ceremonies. The preacher then rebels against those who commit fornication even after marriage, and against public opinion, which does not attach the name of fornication to the infidelity of married women and the complicity of their seducers. In the next conversation, Saint John Chrysostom speaks about the rejection of a wife and concludes with the argument that it is impermissible to take a woman rejected as a result of adultery. Finally, the very title of the third conversation about choosing a wife sufficiently defines its subject. In it, Chrysostom praises a certain Maximus, whom he calls his assistant and who was probably the bishop of Seleucia in Isauria who preached at this place before him: from this testimony we can conclude that St. John Chrysostom at that time was already the archbishop of Constantinople. In response to the words of the apostle: “But to avoid fornication, let each one have his own wife” (1 Cor. 7:2) The effectiveness of the Word of God. – You need to be able to use his language. - About marriage. – The abuses that accompany it. – The participation of a demon in these abuses. – What is the purpose of the institution of marriage? – Refuting public misconceptions regarding adultery. – Punishment for an adulterous spouse in the present and future world. 1. And today I want to lead you to sources of honey, honey that never produces satiety. This is the nature of Paul's words; and all who fill their hearts from these sources speak with the Holy Spirit, or better, all the sweetness of honey surpasses the pleasure received from Divine sayings. The prophet also expressed this when he said: “How sweet are Your words to my throat! Better than honey to my lips” (Ps. 119:103). And not only sweeter than honey, but also more precious than gold and any stone and purer than any silver is the pleasure received from Divine sayings. “The words of the Lord are pure words, silver purified from the earth in a furnace, refined seven times” (Ps. 11:7). That’s why the wise one said: “Eating a lot of honey is not good, but it is proper to honor glorious words” (Prov. 25:27) 1, because from the former, a disease is often born that did not exist, and from the latter we can be freed from the illness that existed; Moreover, honey, being boiled, spoils, and Divine sayings, when digested, then become even more pleasant and useful both for those who have adopted them and for many others. And whoever has enjoyed too much of a sensual meal, subsequently, belching from this, becomes unpleasant to those who have communication with him, and he who belches from spiritual teaching imparts a great fragrance to his neighbor. So David, constantly satiated with this food, said: “A good word is poured out of my heart” (Ps. 45:2), because an evil word can also be regurgitated. Just as during a sensual meal the quality of the belching depends on the quality of the food, so exactly according to the properties of the sayings that they eat, many people belch. For example, if you went to a spectacle and listened to prodigal songs, then you will certainly spew out the same words in front of your neighbor; If, when you came to church, you participated in listening to spiritual sayings, then you will belch them out. That is why the prophet said: “A good word poured out from my heart,” showing us the dishes of the meal in which he constantly participated. For the same reason, Paul exhorts this way: “Let no corrupt word come out of your mouth, but only what is good” (Eph. 4:29). What word would you say is rotten? If you recognize the “good”, then you will also recognize the “rotten”, because he expressed the first to distinguish the second. And what is the word “good”? You don’t need to ask me about this, because Paul himself explained its properties to us. Having said: “only good,” he added: “for edification in faith,” expressing that good is the word that edifies one’s neighbor. Therefore, just as the edifying word is “good,” the destructive word is rotten and worthless. So you, beloved, if you have something to say that can make the listener better, then do not hold back your word during salvation; and if you have nothing of the kind, but only vicious and depraved speech, then remain silent so as not to harm your neighbor. That word is rotten, which does not edify the listener, but also corrupts him. If he cares about virtue, he is often prompted to pride; if he was carefree, then he becomes even more careless. If you have a shameful and ridiculous word to say, then remain silent, because even that word is rotten, which makes both the speaker and the listener more absent-minded and inflames vicious desires in each. Just as firewood and brushwood are food for fire, so words are for evil desires. Therefore, we should not necessarily express everything that we have in our minds; but one must try to remove from the mind itself vicious desires and every shameful thought. If, however, we imperceptibly allow ourselves impure thoughts, we will never bring them out with our tongues, but will suppress them with silence. Like wild beasts and reptiles, having fallen into a pit, if they find some way out to the top, then when they come out, they become even more ferocious, and if they remain forever imprisoned below, they will certainly die and easily disappear: so too, vicious desires, if they find some way out through our lips and through words, then they strengthen the inner flame, and if you imprison them through silence, then they become weaker and exhausted with silence, as if by hunger, they soon die in the soul. Thus, if you feel any shameful desire, then do not utter a shameful word: by doing this you will extinguish the desire. Do you have unclean thoughts? Let your lips at least be pure; do not take out this filth, so as not to harm both others and yourself, because not only those who speak, but also those who listen to others, when they say shameful things, a lot of uncleanness is attached. Therefore, I ask and advise not only not to speak such words, but, when others speak, to refrain from listening, and to constantly cleave to the law of God. The prophet pleases the one who does this when he says: “Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked and does not stand in the way of sinners and does not sit in the congregation of the wicked, but his will is in the law of the Lord, and he meditates on His law day and night!” ( Ps. 1:1-2 ). 2. In worldly meetings, although sometimes something good is said, among many bad things, barely a single thing healthy will be said by some; but in the Divine Scriptures everything is the opposite: you will never hear a single bad word here, but they are all filled with salvation and great wisdom. These are the sayings that were read to us today. Which ones exactly? “And what you wrote to me about is that it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But to avoid fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:1-2). Paul teaches the law on marriages and is not ashamed, does not shy away - and quite rightly. If the Lord honored it, marriage, and was not ashamed, but adorned this matter with both His presence and gift - after all, He brought gifts more than anyone else, turning water into wine - then how would a slave become ashamed when teaching the law on marriage? Marriage is not a vicious thing, but adultery is vicious, and fornication is a vicious thing; and marriage is a medicine that destroys fornication. Let us not dishonor him with devilish celebrations, but as the inhabitants of Cana of Galilee did, so let those who are now getting married do: let them have Christ among them. But how, they will say, can this be? Through priests. “Whoever receives you receives Me” (Matthew 10:40). So, if you drive away the devil, if you eliminate prodigal songs, depraved chants, obscene dances, shameful speeches, devilish rituals, shouting, unbridled laughter and other outrages, and bring in the holy servants of God, then truly through them Christ will be present with His Mother and brothers. “Whoever does the will of My Father in Heaven,” He says, “he is My brother, and sister, and mother” (Matthew 12:50). I know that for some I seem difficult and intolerable, instilling this and destroying an ancient custom. But I am not at all worried about this, because I need not flattery from you, but your benefit, not applause and praise, but prosperity and wisdom. Let no one tell me that this is the custom: where sin is committed, do not mention the custom there; but if what is being done is bad, then, even if it was a long-standing custom, leave it; if it is not bad, then, even if there is no custom, introduce and plant it. And that such outrages do not constitute an ancient custom, but are some innovations, remember how Isaac married Rebekah and how Jacob married Rachel. Scripture mentions these marriages and tells how these brides were introduced into the houses of the grooms, but does not mention anything of the kind; They organized a feast and dinner better than usual and invited relatives to the marriage, but there were no flutes, no pipes, no cymbals, no frantic dancing, or all the other current outrages. And in our time they sing songs with dances in honor of Aphrodite, chanting adultery, and violation of marriage, and illegal love, and criminal incest, and many others sing on this day with songs full of wickedness and shamelessness, and after drunkenness and such outrage, they bring out the bride with shameful words in front of everyone. How, tell me, do you demand chastity from her, accustoming her from the first day of marriage to such shamelessness and ordering that things be done and said before her eyes that are indecent for even honest slaves to listen to? For so long, the father and mother tried to protect the girl so that she would not say or hear anyone else saying any of such speeches, arranging internal chambers, and women's departments, and guards, and doors, and locks, and evening walks, and so that she would not show herself to anyone even from her relatives, and much more besides this; and you, by your arrival, overthrow all this in one day, making her shameless through your dishonorable triumph and introducing depraved speeches into the soul of the bride? Isn’t this where so many subsequent evils come from? Is this where adultery and jealousy come from? Isn’t this where childlessness, widowhood and untimely orphanhood come from? When you call upon demons with such songs, when you fulfill their desires with shameful words, when you bring jesters and libertines into the house and create a whole spectacle, when you fill the house with harlots and arrange a feast for the whole host of demons, then tell me, what good do you expect? Why do you invite priests, intending to do such things the next day? Do you want to show hospitality that brings benefits? Invite the multitudes of the poor. But are you ashamed and blushing? What is worse than such recklessness - introducing the devil into the house, not considering this a shameful thing, but being ashamed of bringing Christ? Truly, just as Christ comes with the poor who come to the house, so the devil rejoices among the jesters and debauchees who rejoice there. And besides, there is no benefit from these costs, but on the contrary, great harm occurs; and for those costs you will soon receive a great reward. Has anyone in town done this? But start, try to be the first founder of such a good custom, so that your descendants will attribute it to you. Whoever competes, whoever imitates this custom, one of the grandchildren and great-grandsons, when asked by those who want to know, will say that such and such was the first to introduce this wonderful law. Indeed, if in worldly lists, during feasts, many sing the praises of those who gave special splendor to these useless pursuits, then all the more will everyone extol this spiritual pursuit and give thanks to the first one who made such a wondrous beginning; and by one and the same deed he will do both hospitality and benefit. Although others will do the same, you, who first planted it, will receive reward from these fruits; through this, you will soon become a father, this will benefit both the children, and will help the bride and groom reach old age, because just as God often threatens sinners, saying: “And your wives will be widows and your children orphans” (Ex. 22:24), so He promises to grant those who obey Him in everything a venerable old age and at the same time all the blessings. 3. And from Paul we may hear that the multitude of sins often produced untimely death. “For this reason many of you are weak and sick, and many are dying” (1 Cor. 11:30). And the poor, receiving food, do not allow anything like this to happen, but if something unexpected happens, they quickly correct it, as you can learn from the example of the girl who lived in Joppa. When she lay dead, the poor whom she nourished, standing around her and shedding tears, raised her and brought her back to life (Acts 9:36–41). The prayer of widows and the poor is so much more useful than any laughter and rejoicing! There is fun for one day, but here there is permanent benefit. Imagine how important it is when the bride, having received so many blessings on her head, enters the groom's house. What is more honorable than crowns? What is more useful than wealth? Meanwhile, what is happening now is extremely insane and reckless. Truly, even if no punishment and no torment threatened the outrageous people so much, then imagine what a torment it would be for the newlyweds to endure so many shameful words solemnly, in the hearing of everyone, from people drunk and upset in their minds. The poor, receiving alms, bless and pray for many blessings; and those, after drunkenness and gluttony, throw all the dirt of ridicule on the heads of the newlyweds, competing in this with each other with some kind of devilish competition, and as if enemies had gathered, those close to them compete with each other to utter heard or unheard of barbs about those entering into marriage, imitating the enemies; and this competition between them makes the bride and groom experience extreme shame. After this, tell me, do we need to look for other evidence that they do and say this at the suggestion of the demons who move their souls? Who will doubt that all this is said and done by them at the suggestion of the demons who move their souls? No one, because these are the gifts of the devil: slander, drunkenness, darkening of the soul. If anyone considers it a bad omen to bring the poor instead and begins to call this a sign of misfortune, then let him know that feeding not the poor and widows, but the depraved and harlots, is a harbinger of all kinds of trouble and countless evils. Often from this very day, the harlot, leaving, kidnapped the newlywed from his friends into captivity, extinguished his love for the bride, destroyed goodwill, destroyed affection before it intensified, and sowed the seeds of adultery. If nothing else, then fathers should be afraid of this and forbid jesters and dancers to attend weddings. Marriage was not established so that we would be debauched, not so that we would indulge in fornication, but so that we would be chaste. Listen to Paul, who says: “But to avoid fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2). Thus, there are two purposes for which marriage was established: so that we live chastely and so that we become fathers; but the more important of these two goals is chastity. After lust appeared, marriage was introduced, stopping immoderation and encouraging people to be content with one wife. And the birth of children, of course, does not come from marriage, but from the words spoken by God: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth” (Gen. 1:28); This is proven by those who, having entered into marriage, did not become fathers. Thus, the main goal of marriage is chastity, especially now that the whole universe is filled with our kind. In the beginning, it was desirable to have children, so that everyone could leave a memory and a remainder after their life. When there was still no hope of resurrection, but death reigned, and the dying thought that after this life they would perish, then God gave consolation in children, so that animated images of the departed would remain, so that our race would be preserved, and the dying and those close to them would have the greatest consolation in their descendants. And in order for you to be convinced that this is why children were especially desired, listen to what his wife mourns before Job after her many calamities, she says: “Your memory, sons and daughters, have perished from the earth” (Job 2:9). Saul also says to David: “Swear to me by the Lord that you will not uproot my descendants after me, nor destroy my name in my father’s house” (1 Sam. 24:22). When, finally, the resurrection was at the door, and there is no fear of death, but we are moving towards another life better than the present one, then worry about that became unnecessary. If you want children, then you can acquire the best and most useful ones now that some spiritual pregnancy has been introduced, a better birth and the most useful nourishers of old age. Therefore, in some way, there is one purpose of marriage, so as not to indulge in fornication, and for this purpose such medicine was introduced. If you intend to indulge in fornication even after marriage, then it was unnecessary for you to enter into marriage, it is useless and in vain, and not only in vain and useless, but also harmful, because it is not the same thing to indulge in fornication without having a wife, or to do the same thing again after marriage. The latter is no longer fornication, but adultery. Although these words are strange, they are true. 4. We know that many call adultery only when someone corrupts a married woman; But as far as I am concerned, if a man who has a wife associates lawlessly and dissolutely with a public harlot, or with a slave, or with some other woman who does not have a husband, I call this adultery. The guilt of adultery depends not only on those to whom the shame is inflicted, but also on those who inflict it. Do not tell me now about external laws, which drag adulterous wives to the court and subject them to punishment, but leave husbands who have wives and commit adultery with their maids without punishment; I will read to you the law of God, which equally reproaches both the wife and the husband and calls this act adultery. Having said: “and each (wife) have her own husband,” the apostle added: “the husband show due favor to his wife” (1 Cor. 7:3). What did he want to express with these words? Is it really that he would save her monetary income, that he would keep her dowry intact, that he would provide precious clothes or the most luxurious table, or brilliant appearances, or a large crowd of servants? What are you saying? What kind of “favor” do you require? And all this serves as a sign of love. No, says the apostle, I don’t mean anything like that, but I’m talking about chastity and purity. The husband's body no longer belongs to the husband, but to the wife. Let him keep her property intact, let him not diminish or damage it. After all, among the servants, he is called a devotee who, having accepted the property of his masters, spends nothing of it. Therefore, since the husband's body is the property of the wife, let the husband be faithful in relation to this pledge. And that he really meant this when he said: “shows favor,” for this he added: “the wife has no power over her body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Cor. 7:4). So, when you see a harlot seducing, enticing, thirsting for your body, then tell her: “This body is not mine, but belongs to my wife, I do not dare abuse it and give it to another woman.” Let the wife do the same. In this there is perfect equality between them, although in other respects Paul gives great priority to the husband and says this: “Let each of you love his wife as himself; but let the wife fear her husband” (Eph.5:33), and again: “the husband is the head of the wife,” and again: “wives, submit to your own husbands” (Eph.5:22–23); also in the Old Testament it is said: “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Gen. 3:16). How did he define the equal reciprocity of submission and domination here? In fact, to say: “the wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband does not have power over his body, but the wife” means to define complete equality. Just as the husband is the master of her body, so the wife is the mistress of his body. Why did he define such equality? Because there is a need for excellence; but here, when it comes to chastity and purity, the husband has no advantage over his wife, but like her, he is punished if he violates the laws of marriage. And quite fair. Indeed, it was not for this that your wife came to you, left her father and mother, and the whole house, in order to be insulted, so that you would accept a low servant in her place, so that you would cause her a lot of trouble; you took in her a companion, a friend of life, free and equal. Truly, isn’t it reckless, having received a dowry, to show one’s favor and not diminish it in the least, but to corrupt and defile that which is more precious than any dowry, one’s chastity and purity and one’s body, which is the property of the wife? If you spend your dowry, you are responsible to your father-in-law; and if you lose your chastity, then you will give an account to God, who established the marriage and gave you a wife. And that this is fair, listen to what Paul says about adulterers: “He who is disobedient is not subject to man, but to God, who also gave us His Holy Spirit” (1 Thess. 4:8). Do you see how the word of God suggests that adultery consists not only when one who has a wife commits fornication with a married woman, but also with any harlot? Just as we say about a woman who has a husband that she commits adultery, whether she sins with a servant or with anyone else, so we must say about a husband that he commits adultery when, having himself a wife, he commits fornication, whether with a slave or with any public harlot. Let us not neglect our salvation and give our soul to the devil through this sin. Hence comes many disasters, destroying houses and much strife; from this, love dries up and goodwill is destroyed. Just as it is impossible for a chaste man to despise his wife and ever neglect her, so it is impossible for a depraved and dissolute man to love his wife, even if she were the most beautiful of all. From chastity comes love, and from love countless benefits. So, consider other women as if they were made of stone, knowing that if after marriage you look with lustful eyes at another woman, even a public one, even a married one, you become guilty of the sin of adultery. Repeat these words to yourself every day; and if you see that lust for another woman is aroused in you, and then your wife seems unpleasant to you, then go into the inner room and, opening this book, taking Paul as your mediator and constantly repeating these words, extinguish the flame. Thus, your wife will again be desirable to you, because such a desire will not destroy your goodwill towards her; and not only will your wife be more desirable, but you yourself will turn out to be much more honorable and noble. No, truly there is nothing more shameful than a person who commits fornication after marriage. He feels shame not only in front of his father-in-law and friends and people he meets, but also in front of the slaves themselves. And not only this evil befalls him, but the house itself seems to him more unbearable than any prison, while he has his beloved before his eyes and constantly dreams of a harlot. 5. Do you want to know exactly how great this evil is? Imagine what kind of life those who suspect their wives lead, how unpleasant food is for them, how unpleasant it is for them to drink. It seems to them that their table is filled with poisons, and as if from an infection, they flee from their home, filled with countless evils. They have no sleep, neither the night, nor the company of friends, nor the rays of the sun themselves bring them peace; but they consider the light itself unbearable not only when they see that a wife is indulging in adultery, but even if they only suspect her of it. Just think that your wife suffers the same thing when she hears from someone or even suspects that you have given yourself over to a prodigal woman. When imagining this, not only avoid adultery, but also do not give rise to suspicion; and if your wife suspects unfairly, then calm her down and dissuade her. She does this not out of enmity or pride, but out of concern and because she is very afraid for her property. Your body, as I said above, is her property, and property is more precious than any property. Do not offend her in the most important matter and do not inflict a mortal wound on her. If you despise it, then fear God, the avenger for such deeds, who threatens unbearable punishments for such sins, because about those who dare to do this, the Lord says: “where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:48). If the future does not frighten you very much, then at least be afraid of the present; many of those who cleave to harlots, and here “he will put these evildoers to an evil death” (Matthew 21:41), having suffered from the wiles of dissolute women. They, trying in front of each other to reject a man from his cohabitant, united with him in marriage, and completely subjugate him to their love, resorted to magic, made up spells and used a lot of charms; then, having thus subjected him to a serious illness, betrayed him to decay and prolonged decay, and brought upon him thousands of evils, they deprived him of real life. If you, man, are not afraid of Gehenna, then be afraid of their charms. When, through such debauchery, you become alien to Divine assistance and deprive yourself of heavenly help, then the harlot, boldly taking you and calling her demons, casting spells and arranging intrigues, will very easily damage your salvation and expose you to shame and ridicule of all the inhabitants of the city, so that they will not even regret your misfortune. And “who will regret,” says the wise one, “for a stung snake charmer and for all those who approach wild animals?” (Sir.12:13). Not to mention the loss of property, the daily suspicions, arrogance, insolence, the insult that harlots do to fools; this is worse than a thousand deaths. You often cannot bear even one harsh word from your wife, but you are in awe of a harlot, even when she beats you. And you are not ashamed, you do not blush, you do not want the earth to open up before you? How can you walk into a church and raise your hands to heaven? How can you call on God with the lips with which you kissed the harlot? And you don’t tremble, tell me, and aren’t you afraid that someday lightning, falling from above, will burn your shameless head? Even if you hide from your offended wife, you will never hide from the watchful eye. So it is with the adulterer who says, “Darkness is all around me, and walls close me in, and no one sees me: why should I be afraid?” - the wise one answered: “The eyes of the Lord are ten thousand times brighter than the sun, and they look at all the ways of men” (Sir. 23:25, 27-28). For all this Paul said: Each one have his own wife, and each one have his own husband. The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife like unto her husband” (1 Cor. 7:2-3). “For the mouth of another man’s wife drips honey, and her speech is sweeter than oil; but its consequences are bitter like wormwood, sharp like a two-edged sword” (Prov. 5:3-4). The kiss of a harlot contains poison, a secret and secretive poison. Why do you pursue pleasure, which leads to condemnation, produces destruction, inflicts an incurable wound, while you can receive pleasure without being subjected to any evil? With a free wife there is pleasure, security, peace, honor, beauty, and a good conscience; and there is great bitterness, great harm, constant condemnation. Even if no one has seen you, your conscience will never stop condemning you; Wherever you go, this accuser will follow you, condemning and crying loudly against you. Thus, whoever seeks pleasure should especially avoid associating with harlots, because there is nothing more bitter than this habit, nothing more unpleasant than this association, nothing more vicious than these morals. Let "the doe... of love and the lot of your pleasures talk to you. Let the source of your water be your own" (Proverbs 5:18-19). Having a pure source of water, why do you run to a swamp filled with mud, smelling of hell and unspeakable punishment? What excuse will you have, what forgiveness? If those who indulge in fornication before marriage are condemned and punished, like the man who was dressed in dirty clothes, then even more so after marriage. Here there is a double and triple crime, both because they, enjoying pleasure, rushed to such debauchery, and because this act is not only fornication, but is also recognized as adultery; Let us constantly repeat this to ourselves and our wives; therefore, I will conclude my speech with the same words: “But, in order to avoid fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have his own husband. The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Cor. 7:2–4). Carefully observing these words, both in the square, and at home, and during the day, and in the evening, and at the table, and on the bed, and everywhere, we will try ourselves, and teach our wives, and we will speak, and we will speak in such a way that, having lived our present life chastely, we may be made worthy of the Kingdom of Heaven, by the grace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom and with whom to the Father, with the Holy Spirit, be glory forever and ever. Amen. To the words: “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord. But she is more blessed if she remains like this” (1 Cor. 7:39–40) It is impermissible to marry a rejected wife. – Worldly laws cannot prevail over the Divine law. – The Motive of the Mosaic Law Concerning Rejection. – Transition to a new law. – Adultery of a husband who marries a rejected woman. – Adultery of a married man who commits fornication with any woman. – The wisdom of the Apostle Paul: his condescension to human weakness. – Rewards associated even in the present world with permanence in widowhood. – How the purification of the soul is accomplished. Final admonition. 1. Recently Blessed Paul taught us the law about marriage and the rights of marriage, saying in his letter to the Corinthians: “And about what you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But to avoid fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:1-2). That’s why we devoted an entire conversation to these words. Today we need to talk to you again about the same subject, because today the same Paul speaks about the same thing. You have heard him broadcast and say: “A wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord. But she will be happier if she remains like this, according to my advice; but I think that I also have the Spirit of God” (1 Cor. 7:39–40). Let us follow him today, and we will talk about this subject, because, following Paul, through him we will certainly follow Christ, since he wrote everything not on his own, but following Christ. Truly, a well-ordered marriage is not an unimportant matter; just as for those who live in it inappropriately, it is the cause of many misfortunes. Just as a wife can be a helper, she can also often be a saboteur. Marriage is both a pier and a shipwreck, not by its nature, but by the disposition of those who live in it poorly. Whoever observes it properly according to the laws, after dealings in the marketplace and all the various evils, finds some consolation and joy in his home and in his wife; and whoever takes upon himself this matter thoughtlessly and as it happens, even though he enjoyed the great world in the marketplace, upon arriving home he encounters rocks and pitfalls. Therefore, since we face danger in no small matter, it is necessary to listen with attention to what is said and, whoever intends to get married, do so in accordance with the laws of Paul, or better, with the laws of Christ. I know that these words seem new and strange to many; but, despite this, I will not remain silent, but having read the law to you in advance, then I will try to resolve the apparent contradiction in it. What is this law that Paul offered us? “The wife,” he says, “is bound by the law.” So, she should not separate from her living husband, accept another spouse or enter into another marriage. And notice with what precision he uses the expressions themselves. He didn’t say: let her live with her husband as long as he lives, but what? “A wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives,” so even if he gave her a record of absolution, even if she left the house and went to another, she is bound by the law, and in that case she is an adulteress. Therefore, if a husband wants to reject his wife, or a wife wants to leave her husband, then let him remember this saying and imagine Paul as inherent, who, condemning her, says: “The wife is bound by the law.” Just as runaway slaves, although they leave the master's house, drag their chains with them, so wives, even if they leave their husbands, have instead of chains a law that condemns them, accuses them of adultery, condemns those who take them, and says: the husband is still alive, and this deed is adultery. “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives.” And “whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). When, do you say, will she be able to enter into a second marriage? When? When she is freed from the chains, when her husband dies. Explaining this, the apostle did not add this: when her husband “passes away,” she is free to marry whomever she wants, but “he will die” (κοιμυή, rest), as if consoling her in widowhood and urging her to remain with her former husband and not unite with her second spouse. Your husband is not dead, but asleep. Who does not expect the sleeper? That is why he says: “If her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants.” He did not say: let her marry, so that it does not seem as if he is forcing and coercing; He neither prevents someone who wants to enter into a second marriage, nor forces someone who doesn’t want to, but said the law: “free to marry whomever she wants.” Calling her free after the death of her husband, he expressed that before that, during his life, she was a slave; and, being a slave and subject to the law, even if she received a record of absolution a thousand times, she is by law guilty of adultery. It is permissible for slaves to change their living masters, but it is not permissible for a wife to change her husband while her husband is alive, because this is adultery. Don’t point me to the laws established by outsiders that allow for the recording of absolution and divorce. God will not judge you by these laws on that day, but by those that He himself has decreed. And worldly laws do not allow this simply and not without restrictions, but they also punish for this matter, so from here it is clear that they look unfavorably on this sin, because they deprive the person responsible for the divorce of property and let him go without everything, and the one who gives the reason for the divorce is punished with a monetary loss; and they, of course, would not have acted this way if they had approved of this matter. 2. What about Moses? And he did it for the same reason. But listen to Christ, who says: “Unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 5:20). Listen also to His following words: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of adultery, gives her a reason to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). For this reason the Only Begotten Son of God came, for this he took on the form of a servant, for this he shed His precious blood, destroyed death, trampled upon sin, and bestowed the most abundant grace of the Spirit in order to lead you to the highest wisdom. However, Moses also decreed such a law not without reason, but being forced to condescend to the weakness of those to whom he gave the law. They were quick to kill, filled houses with kindred blood and did not spare either their own or strangers; therefore, so that they would not kill wives in their homes who had become unpleasant to them, he commanded divorce, preventing a greater evil - the convenience of murder. And that they were inclined to murder, listen to the prophets themselves, who say: “they who build Zion with blood and Jerusalem with iniquity” (Mic. 3:10); also: “bloodshed follows bloodshed” (Hos. 4:2); and also: “your hands are full of blood” (Is. 1:15). And that they raged not only against strangers, but also against their own, and the prophet points to this when he says: “and they sacrificed their sons and daughters to demons” (Ps. 105:37). And those who did not spare their children would not spare their wives. To prevent this from happening, Moses gave such permission. Therefore, the Jews who asked and said: “How did Moses command to give a letter of divorce and divorce her?” – Christ, wanting to show that Moses did not write this law in contradiction to Him, says this: “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, allowed you to divorce your wives, but at first it was not so,” but “he who first created man and woman created them” (Matthew 19:4,7-8). If this were good, he says, then God would not have created one husband and one wife, but, having created one Adam, he would have created two wives, if he wanted it to be possible to reject one and accept the other; and here in the very manner of creation He decreed the law which I now prescribe. Which one exactly? The one to keep the wife that he first got with him constantly; This law is older than that, and as much as Adam is older than Moses. Thus, I am now not introducing a new law, and I am not proposing a strange teaching, but one that is older and more ancient than Moses. It is not superfluous to listen to the very law of Moses, which he decreed about this. “If a man takes a wife and becomes her husband, and she does not find favor in his eyes, because he finds something nasty in her, he writes her a bill of divorce, and gives it into her hands, and sends her away from his house” (Deut. 24:1). Look, he didn’t say: let him write and let him give, but what? “He will write her a letter of divorce and give it to her.” There is a great difference between the one and the other. To say: let him write and let him give, is characteristic of one who commands and demands; and to say: “he will write her a letter of divorce and give it into her hands” is characteristic of one who tells about what happens, and not of one who prescribes the law on his own. “If a man,” he says, “rejects his wife and sends her away from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and marries another husband, but this last husband also hates her and writes a letter of divorce to her, and gives it into her hands, and sends her away from his house, or this last husband of hers, who took her as his wife, dies, then her first husband, who sent her away, cannot take her again as his wife” (Deut. 24:2-4). Then, as a sign that he does not approve of this matter and does not consider it a marriage, but condescends to their weakness, after he said: “then her first husband, who sent her away, cannot take her again as his wife,” he added: “after she has been defiled,” explaining by the very way of expression that a second marriage, during the life of the first husband, is rather desecration than marriage. That's why he didn't say: after her marriage. Do you see that he speaks according to Christ? Then he gives the reason: “for this is an abomination to the Lord.” Thus says Moses; and the prophet Malachi expresses the same thing much more clearly than Moses, or better - not Malachi, but God through Malachi, and says this: “He no longer regards the offering and does not accept the propitiatory sacrifice from your hands.” Then, having said this, he says: “The Lord was a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you acted treacherously” - and, wanting to show how great this evil is, and to deprive the one who did this of any justification, with further words he strengthens the condemnation, continuing like this: “she is your friend and your lawful wife, but did not one do the same, and in him abided an excellent spirit” (Mal. 2:13-15). Look how many rights he counts: firstly, from the age side - “the wife of your youth”; further, from the side of need - “she is your friend and your lawful wife”; then, from the side of the image of creation - “but did not one do the same, and an excellent spirit abided in him.” 3. To all this Malachi adds what is most important - the dignity of the Creator, what the words mean: “but did not one do the same.” You cannot, he says, say that God created you, and not God, but someone else inferior to Him, because the same one brought them both into being; and so, if for nothing else, then out of respect for this, have love for her. If it often serves as an incentive for slaves to quarrel with each other to agree that they should serve the same master, then much more should it be so between us when we both have the same Creator and Master. Do you see how the commandments of the new philosophy received their beginning and preparation in the Old Testament? Since (the Jews) had been brought up by the law for a long time and had to move on to the perfect commandments, and their social institutions had already reached the end, the prophet at the appropriate time leads them to this wisdom. Let us obey such a wonderful law, and keep ourselves from all shame, let us neither reject our wives nor accept those rejected by others. With what face will you look at this wife’s husband, with what eyes will you look at his friends and servants? If, after the death of a husband, having taken his wife, and then seeing only his image in front of him, he experiences a heavy and unpleasant feeling, then what kind of life will he lead when he sees the living husband of his partner? How will you enter the house? With what thoughts, with what eyes will he see his wife as his? Or better: no one could rightly call the woman released, either his or his own, because an adulteress is no one’s wife. She violated the conditions in relation to that, and came to you not in accordance with the laws. What madness would it be to bring into the house something that is filled with such evils? Is there a shortage of women? Why, when there are many who can be taken in accordance with the laws and with a clear conscience, do we turn to the forbidden, destroying houses, causing internecine wars, incurring enmity upon ourselves everywhere, opening the mouth of countless condemners, disgracing our own lives and, what is most difficult, preparing for ourselves the inevitable punishment on the day of judgment? In fact, what will we say then to the one who has to judge us, when, having presented the law and read it, He will say: I commanded not to take a freed wife, saying that this matter is adultery; How did you dare to enter into a forbidden marriage? What will we say and what will we respond? There it is no longer possible to refer to secular laws, but it is necessary to go into the fire of Gehenna in silence and bound together with adulterers and those who desecrated other people’s marriages, because he who rejected his wife without a reason consisting of adultery, and who married the rejected one during the life of her husband, are punished equally with the rejected one. Therefore, I exhort, ask and implore husbands not to reject their wives, and wives not to abandon their husbands, but to listen to Paul, who says: “A wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39). What kind of forgiveness can those receive who, despite Paul, who allows a second marriage after the death of a spouse and grants such freedom, dare to do this before the death of a spouse? What justification can there be for those who take wives while their husbands are alive, and for those who go to public harlots? After all, this is another type of adultery: having a wife at home, entering into communication with harlots. Just as a wife who has a husband, giving herself to a slave or someone free who does not have a wife, becomes guilty before the laws of adultery, so if a husband who has a wife sins, even with a public harlot, or even with another woman who does not have a husband, then this matter is considered adultery. So, let us flee from this type of adultery. After all, what can we say, what can we refer to when deciding on such matters? What plausible excuse can we imagine? Natural wish? But the wife given to us stands before us and deprives us of this justification. This is why marriage was established, so that you would not commit fornication. Or - better: not only the wife, but also many others who have the same nature as us, deprive us of this justification. When a slave like you, endowed with the same body, having the same desire, prompted by the same need, does not look at any other woman, but remains content with his wife alone, then what excuse can you make by citing a desire? But what am I saying about having wives? Imagine people who constantly live in virginity, are completely uninvolved in marriage and practice great chastity. If others remain chaste without marriage, then what forgiveness can you receive if you commit fornication in marriage? Let both husbands and wives, widows and married women, hear this: Paul says, this law applies to everyone: “A woman is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord.” And those who have a husband, and those without, and those who are widowed, and those entering into a second marriage, and everyone in general, this saying is useful. She who has a husband will not decide, during his lifetime, to belong to another, having heard that she is “connected” with him while he is alive; also, if she has lost her husband, if she wants to enter into a second marriage, she will do it not simply and as it happens, but in accordance with the laws decreed by Paul, who says: “she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord,” i.e. with temperance, with honesty. If she decides to remain faithful to the terms with the deceased, she will hear about the crowns assigned to her and will be strengthened in her resolve. “But she is more blessed,” says the apostle, “if she remains so” (1 Cor. 7:40). 4. Do you see how this saying is useful for everyone, forbearing to the weakness of the first and the last, without depriving them of the praise that belongs to them? As the apostle acted in relation to marriage and virginity, so in relation to the first and second marriage. How did he not prohibit marriage, so as not to burden the weakest, and did not make it an indispensable obligation, so that those who wish to remain virginity would not be deprived of their assigned crowns, but showed that marriage is a good thing, at the same time he explained that virginity is better; so exactly here again he offers us other degrees, explaining that widowhood is better and higher, and a second marriage is worse and lower, and thus encouraging the strongest and not wanting to humiliate themselves, and at the same time not allowing the weakest to fall. Having said: “but she is more blessed,” and warning you not to think that this is a human law, having heard his words: “according to my counsel,” he added: “But I think that I also have the Spirit of God” (1 Cor. 7:40). Therefore, you cannot say that this is a human opinion, but this is the definition of the grace of the Spirit and the Divine law. So, let us not think that these are the words of Paul, but of the Comforter, who teaches us such a law. If he says: “I think,” then he speaks not as one who does not know, but as a moderate and modest person. Thus, about the fact that she is “more blessed”, he said; а как «блаженнее» , об этом не прибавил, сделав достаточное указание в том, что он преподает определение Духа. If you want to explore this with judgment, then you will find a great abundance of evidence here and you will see that the widow is more blessed not only in relation to the future age, but also in this life. This is what Paul meant, as he expressed it when speaking about virgins. Exhorting and advising to choose virginity, he said this: “Due to real need, I recognize for the best that it is good for a person to remain so”; and further: “if a girl gets married, she will not sin,” meaning here not a virgin who refused to marry, but only one who has not experienced marriage, and not one who has taken a vow of permanent virginity. “Such will have tribulations in the flesh; but I feel sorry for you” (1 Cor. 7:26,28). With this one simple word, he allowed the prudent listener to remember everything: the pains of birth, and raising children, and worries, and illnesses, and untimely deaths, and disagreements, and quarrels, and pleasing countless opinions, and answering for other people’s sins, and accepting countless sorrows into one soul. She who has chosen virginity gets rid of all these evils, and along with getting rid of troubles, she has the hope of a great reward in the future life. Knowing all this, let's try to be content with our first marriage; if we are preparing to enter the second, then in the proper way and with the proper mood, according to the laws of God. That’s why the apostle said: “free to marry whomever she wants,” and added: “only in the Lord,” granting freedom and at the same time protecting this freedom, ceding power and together setting limits and laws on all sides for this power, for example, so that a wife should not accept dissolute and depraved husbands into the house, or practicing in spectacles, or prone to adultery, but with honesty, with chastity, with reverence, so that everything is done for the glory of God. Since often many wives, after the death of their first husbands, first indulged in fornication, and then accepted the next and came up with other unclean ways of living, he added: “only in the Lord” - so that the second marriage would not have anything like that. In this way, the widow can get rid of the charges. The best thing is to wait for your deceased husband and comply with the terms with him, choose abstinence and be with the remaining children in order to gain greater favor from God. If anyone wants to enter into a second marriage, then he must do it with chastity, with honesty, in accordance with the laws, because this is also permitted, and only fornication and adultery are prohibited. We will avoid him, both those who have wives and those who do not; Let us not disgrace our lives, lead a ridiculous lifestyle, defile our bodies, or carry a bad conscience in our souls. How can you enter the church after talking with harlots? How will you stretch out your hands to heaven with which you embraced the harlot? How to move your tongue and call on God with those lips with which you kissed the harlot? With what eyes will you look at the most honest of friends? But what am I talking about friends? Even if no one knew about this, you yourself will be forced to be ashamed of yourself and blush in front of everyone, and most of all, disgusted with your own body. If this is not so, then why do you run to the washbasin after such a sin? Is it because you consider yourself no purer than any dirt? What other greater proof do you want of the impurity of the matter, or what determination do you expect from God, when you yourself, who have sinned, have such an understanding of this matter? I highly praise and approve of the fact that they recognize themselves as unclean, but I condemn and reproach the fact that they are not accepted as a proper method of purification. If it were only bodily uncleanness, then rightly you could cleanse yourself by washing in the laver; but when you have desecrated your soul and made it unclean, then seek such purification that could wash away its impurity. What is the means of ablution from this sin? Hot springs of tears, sighs coming from the depths of the heart, constant contrition, fervent prayers, alms and generous alms, condemnation of what has been done, determination not to do such things again; This is how sin is essentially washed away, this is how the impurity of the soul is cleansed; and if we do not do this, then at least we have visited all the sources of the rivers, we will not be able to wash away even a small part of this sin. So, it is much better not to experience this disgusting sin. But if anyone ever falls, then let him apply those remedies, making a promise in advance - not to fall into the same thing again. And if we, having sinned, condemn what has already been done and then start the same thing again, then there will be no benefit to us from cleansing. He who washes himself and then again becomes defiled with the same filth, and who destroys what he has built and builds again to destroy it, gains nothing more as soon as he works and labors in vain. So, so that we do not waste our lives in vain and in vain, we will cleanse our previous sins, and we will spend the rest of our lives in chastity, honesty and other virtues, so that, having won the mercy of God, we may be worthy of the Kingdom of Heaven, by the grace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Praise to Maxim, and about what kind of wives one should take Praise to Maxim, companion of St. John Chrysostom. – Repentance is partly justification. – Introduction to the subject: reasoning caused by marriage. – The laws of marriage were written by the Apostle Paul. – About the love one should have for one’s wife. – Patience is a husband’s duty. – Comparison between Eve and the Church. - A wife should be preferred to her parents. – The purpose of a wife: she should be an assistant to her husband. – Against arranged marriages. – The purpose of establishing marriage. – An example drawn from the marriage of Isaac. - Explanation of this story of the Holy Scripture: Abraham - as an example for parents, Rebekah - as an example for girls and young women. – An admonition to parents and young people intending to marry. 1. I grieve that I was not at your last meeting; and I rejoice that you enjoyed the most abundant meal. He who drew the yoke with me then drew a furrow for us, sowed the seeds with abundant speech and cultivated your souls with great zeal. You have seen a purified tongue, heard processed speech, enjoyed water flowing into eternal life, beheld a fountain producing rivers of pure gold. They say about a certain river that it brings particles of gold to the people living near it, not because the water by nature produces gold, but because the sources of this river flow through metal mountains, and the river, washing those mountains and carrying away gold-bearing soil, becomes a treasure for the inhabitants, delivering them ready-made wealth. This teacher also imitated such a river, walking through the Scriptures in advance, as if through metal mountains, and then bringing to your souls thoughts more precious than any gold. I know that our speech will seem poorer to you today. After all, someone who constantly has a poor meal, and meanwhile accidentally takes part in some rich one, and then returns to his own, will feel its poverty even more. But, despite this, I will get down to business without laziness. You know, having learned from Paul, “to be filled and to be hungry, to be both in abundance and in want” (Phil. 4:12), and to look at the rich and not despise the poor. Just as lovers of wine and drinks rejoice at the best wine, but do not turn away from the worst, so you too, loving to listen to Divine sayings, rejoice at the wisest of teachers and show considerable zeal and zeal for the less perfect. Voluptuous and pampered people are not satisfied with an expensive meal; and the well-intentioned and sober, hungering and thirsting for truth, with great willingness resort to the poor. And that these words are not flattery, you proved this very clearly during our previous conversation with you. In fact, when we talked to you a lot about marriages, proving that rejecting wives or taking those rejected during the life of their former husbands means, undoubtedly, committing adultery, and we read the law of Christ, which says: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of adultery, gives her a reason to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32), - then I saw how many, with their heads bowed, struck themselves in the face and could not rise - then I, looking up to heaven, said: “Blessed is God that we do not preach to dead ears, but our words reach the souls of the listeners with great power.” It is much better not to sin at all; but it is also important for salvation that the sinner should be contrite, condemn his soul and punish his conscience with great care; such condemnation is part of justification and of course leads to no longer sinning. Therefore, Paul, having brought sorrow to sinners, rejoiced, not that he had grieved them, but that through sorrow he had corrected them. “Now I rejoice,” he said, “not because you were sad, but because you were saddened to repentance; for they grieved for God's sake, so that they suffered no harm from us. For godly sorrow produces repentance that leads to salvation.” (2 Cor. 7:9-10). Therefore, whether you grieved for your own or for the sins of others then, you are worthy of countless praises. He who grieves for strangers shows apostolic compassion and imitates that saint who says: “Whoever faints, with whom would I not faint? Who is tempted, for whom would I not be inflamed?” (2 Cor. 11:29). And whoever is tormented for his sins is freed from punishment for deeds already committed, and in the future becomes safer through this sorrow. That is why I, seeing those with their heads bowed, sighing and striking themselves in the face, rejoiced, imagining the fruits of this sadness. Therefore, now I will talk with you about the same subject, so that those who wish to get married approach this matter with great caution. If we, intending to buy houses or slaves, examine and inquire about both the sellers and the previous owners, also regarding those being sold themselves - about the structure of some, about the physical condition and mental state of others; then many more who intend to choose wives should have the same and even greater prudence. After all, a bad house can be sold again, and a slave who turns out to be worthless can be given back to the seller, and the one who took his wife cannot again give her to those who gave her, but it is absolutely necessary to have her with him to the end, or, having rejected her for vices, become guilty of adultery according to the laws of God. So, when you intend to take a wife, then read not only the external laws, but even before them the laws that are with us, because by these, and not by those, God will judge you on that day; the first (laws), being neglected, often caused monetary loss; and the latter, being neglected, bring inevitable punishment and unquenchable fire upon the soul. 2. And you, when you intend to take a wife, run with great care to the worldly lawyers and, without departing from them, carefully investigate what will happen if the wife dies childless, what if she has a child, what if she has two or three, how she will use her estate during the life of her father, how after his death, how much of the inheritance will go to her brothers, and how much to the husband when he is the owner of everything, so as not to allow anyone to appropriate even the slightest part of her property, and in what case he can lose everything - and about many other similar things you find out from them and ask, discussing and reviewing everything, so that in no way anything from the wife’s property passes to any of her relatives. Meanwhile, as I said above, even if something unexpected happens, the loss can only be monetary; however, you do not allow yourself to ignore anything like this. Isn’t it reckless, then, when we are threatened with the loss of property, to show such zeal, and then, when there is a danger to our soul and an account, not to pay any attention to it, while we should, above all else, worry about it, take care and investigate. Therefore, I exhort and advise those who intend to take wives, turn to Blessed Paul, read the laws he wrote about marriages and, having learned in advance what he commands to do when a wife happens to be evil, treacherous, given to drunkenness, slanderous, insane, or having some other similar defect, then talk about marriage. If you see that he gives you the power to reject one wife when you find one of these shortcomings in her, and take another, then be complacent, freed from all danger; and if he does not allow this, but commands his wife, who has all other shortcomings except adultery, to love and keep in his house, then guard yourself so that you are ready to endure all the wife’s malice. If this is difficult and difficult, then do everything and take all measures to take a good, well-behaved and obedient wife, knowing that it must be one of two things, either, taking a bad wife, enduring her malice, or, not wanting this and rejecting her, being guilty of adultery. “But I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of adultery, gives her cause to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). Having discussed this well before marriage and having learned these laws, we will try in every possible way to first take a wife with a good mood and one who corresponds to our morals; Having taken one, we will not only receive the benefit that we will never reject it, but we will also love it with great strength - just as Paul commanded. He, having said: “husbands, love your wives,” did not stop only at this, but showed us the measure of love: “just as Christ loved the Church” (Eph. 5:25). And how, tell me, did Christ love the Church? So that he gave himself up for her. Therefore, even if you had to die for your wife, do not refuse. If the Lord loved the slave so much that he gave himself up for her, then all the more should you love a slave like you so much. But let's see if it was not the beauty of this bride and the virtue of her soul that attracted the Groom? You can't say it. On the contrary, she was ugly and unclean, as you can learn from what follows. Having said: “he gave himself for her,” the apostle added: “that he might sanctify her, cleansing her with the washing of water” (Eph. 5:26). With the words: “having cleansed”, he expressed that before it was unclean and defiled, and, moreover, not insignificant, but extreme uncleanness, because it was defiled by stench and smoke, pus and blood, and many other similar impurities. However, He did not turn away from her ugliness, but changed her unpleasant appearance, recreated her, corrected her, and forgave her sins. Imitate him too. Even if your spouse has committed many sins against you, let go and forgive them all; even if you find her unbecoming, correct her with kindness and meekness, just as Christ did the Church. He not only washed away her uncleanness, but also blotted out her old age, destroying the old man, consisting of sins. Expressing this also, Paul says: “that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle” (Eph. 5:27). He made her not only beautiful, but also young, not by the properties of her body, but by the disposition of her will. And not only is it surprising that He, having taken the ugly, ugly, vile and old one, did not turn away from her ugliness, but also gave Himself up to death for her and gave her inexpressible beauty, but also that subsequently, seeing her often defiled and receiving uncleanness, He does not reject her and does not remove her from Himself, but constantly heals and corrects her. How many people, tell me, have sinned after accepting faith? However, He did not turn away from them. For example, among the Corinthians, a fornicator was a member of the Church, but God did not cut him off, but corrected him. The Galatian Church all retreated and fell into Judaism; and yet He did not reject her, but, having healed her through Paul, raised her to her former state. Just as in our bodies, when illness occurs, we do not cut off a member, but destroy the disease, so we will do the same with our wife. If there is any vice in her, then do not reject your wife, but destroy this vice. A wife can be repaired, but a damaged member often cannot be healed; and yet we, knowing that its damage is incurable, despite this, do not cut it off; Often many, having a crooked shin, a lame leg, a dry and dead hand or a blind eye, do not tear out their eyes, nor cut off their legs, nor cut off their hands, but, seeing that they are of no use to the body, but on the contrary, cause great disgrace to other members, they continue to have them in connection with other members. Therefore, is it not reckless - where correction is impossible and there is no benefit, to provide such care, and where there are good hopes and convenient correction, not to use healing? It is impossible to restore what is damaged by nature, but it is possible to correct a corrupted will. 3. If you say that your wife is also incurably ill, and despite your great care does not abandon her character, then you should not reject her, because the sick member is not cut off incurably. And she is your member: “they will be,” said the Lord, “[two] one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Moreover, there will be no benefit to us from caring for the member if it remains incurably sick; and for the wife, if she remains incurably ill, we will have a great reward for the fact that we teach, guide her. Even if she does not receive any benefit from our instruction, we will receive from God a great reward for patience, because out of fear of Him we showed such patience, meekly endured her malice and held her as our necessary member, and therefore we must especially love her. And Paul says: “So ought husbands to love their wives as their own bodies... For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but he nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the Church, because we are members of His body, from His flesh and from His bones” (; Eph.5:28–30). “Just as Eve,” he says, “came from the side of Adam, so we come from the side of Christ.” This means “of His flesh and of His bones.” However, we all know that Eve came from Adam’s rib and it is clearly stated in Scripture that God brought a “sleep” on Adam (Gen. 2:21), and took one of his ribs and created a wife; and how can one prove that the Church originated from the side of Christ? Scripture explains this too. When Christ was ascended to the Cross, nailed and died, then “one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water flowed out” (John 19:34), and from this blood and water the whole Church was made up. He Himself testifies to this when He says: “Whoever is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the Kingdom of God” (John 3:5). He calls the Blood Spirit. We are born by the water of baptism and are fed by the Blood. Do you see how we are of His flesh and of His bones, being born and feeding on His Blood and water? And just as during Adam’s sleep a woman was created, so during the death of Christ the Church was formed from His side. But not only because we need to love our wife because she is our member and received the beginning of her existence from us, but also because God set a law about this very thing, saying: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and the [two] will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Therefore, Paul also spoke to us the same law, so that by all means he could encourage us to this love. And look at the wisdom of the apostles; It is not only by divine laws, and not only by human laws, that he instills in us love for wives, but he brings both of them, mixing one with the other, so that the high and wise from the higher, and the weak from the lower and natural laws, is disposed to love. Therefore, starting with the benefits of Christ, he offers an exhortation like this: “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church”; then from the human side: “husbands should love their wives like their own bodies”; further again from the side of Christ: “because we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones”; then again from the human side: “Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife”; and having read this law, he says: “This mystery is great” (Eph. 5:25–32). Why, tell me, is it big? Because the girl, who was inside the house all the time, having never seen the groom, from the first day becomes so attached and begins to love him as her own body; Likewise, the husband, from the first day, prefers the one whom he has never seen, with whom he has never spoken, to everyone - both friends, and relatives, and the parents themselves. Likewise, parents, when money is taken from them on another occasion, are indignant, complain and drag those who took it to court; and a man, often someone whom they have never seen or known, is given both their daughter and a rich dowry; moreover, they do this with joy and do not consider what was given away as a loss, but, seeing their daughter taken away, they do not remember their habit towards her, do not complain, are not tormented, but they also thank and consider it a desirable thing, seeing their daughter taken away from the house and with her a lot of wealth. Imagining all this, i.e. how those who leave their parents both cleave to each other and their then union is stronger than such a long-term habit, and realizing that this is not a human work, but God introduced such love and arranged that both those who give and those who are given do it with joy, Paul says: “This mystery is great.” And just as between children, a born child, when looking at his parents, immediately recognizes them, not yet being able to speak, so exactly both the bride and groom, without any intermediary, without anyone’s admonition or advice, at one glance cleave to each other. Then, noticing that the same thing happened with Christ, and especially with the Church, the apostle was amazed and surprised. How did this happen to Christ and the Church? Just as the groom, leaving his father, comes to the bride, so Christ, leaving the throne of the Father, came to the bride; It was not that grief raised us up, but He Himself came to us. However, when you hear that He left (the Father), do not understand His relocation, but condescension, because even while He was with us, He was with the Father. That is why the apostle says: “This mystery is great.” It is also great in relation to people; and when I see that the same thing happened with Christ and the Church, then I am amazed, then I am amazed. That is why, having said: “This mystery is great,” he added: “I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church” (Eph. 5:32). So, knowing how great a sacrament marriage is, and what an event it is an image of, do not talk about it simply and how it will happen, and do not look for an abundance of wealth, intending to take a bride. Marriage should not be considered a trade, but a union of life. 4. I heard many who said: such and such, being poor, became rich through marriage; Having taken a rich wife, he became rich and is now enjoying himself. What are you saying, man? Do you want to make a profit from your wife and are not ashamed, do not blush, do not hide in the ground, seeking such methods of acquisition? Are these the husband's words? It is typical for a wife to only save what she collects, save her income, and take care of the house; That’s why God gave her, so that she could help us in this and in everything else. Since our life consists of two kinds of affairs, public and private, God, separating one from the other, gave the wife care of the house, and the husbands all civil affairs, affairs in the square, judicial, advisory, military and all others. The wife cannot throw a spear or shoot an arrow, but she can take a spinning wheel, weave warps and do all other household chores well. She cannot give an opinion in the council, but she can give an opinion at home, and often she understands better than him the household matters that her husband discusses. She cannot correct public affairs well, but she can raise children well, and this is the main acquisition; can notice the bad deeds of the maids, take care of the honesty of the servants, provide all other comforts to the husband and free him from all such worries in the house, about treasures, about woolen products, about preparing dinner, about the appearance of clothes, taking care of everything that is neither decent nor convenient for a husband to undertake, even if he uses a lot of effort. Truly, it is also a matter of providence and the wisdom of God that one who is useful in the most important matters can be ignorant and useless in less important ones, so that the occupation of a wife is also necessary. If He had created a man capable of both, the female sex would have been held in contempt; on the other hand, if he provided his wife with more and more useful things, then the wives would become puffed up with great pride. Therefore, He did not give one and the other to one, so that the other sex would not be humiliated and would not seem superfluous, and He did not provide one and the other to both equally, so that again, from equality, some kind of struggle and competition would not arise when wives would begin to strive for the same honor with their husbands; but, providing for peace and together observing the inherent dignity of each, He divided our life into two parts so that the most necessary and useful things were given to the husband, and the lesser and inferior things to the wife, so that the former, due to the necessity of his work, would be respected by us, and the latter, due to the less importance of her service, would not rebel against her husband. Knowing all this, let us look for only one thing (in wives) - spiritual virtue and nobility of morals, in order to enjoy the world, in order to be comforted by mutual consent and constant love. He who took a rich wife took for himself a mistress rather than a wife. If wives are already filled with pride and prone to ambition, then when this is added to them, how can they be bearable for spouses? And whoever took a wife of equal status or poorer, he took for himself an assistant and co-worker and brought all the goods into the house, because the need of poverty disposes her to take care of her husband and obey him in everything and obey him, and eliminates every reason for disagreement, enmity, pride and insult, but on the contrary, becomes a union of peace, unanimity, love and harmony. Let us not seek to gain money, but to enjoy the world and its pleasures. Marriage is not so that we fill our homes with enmity and hatred, so that we have quarrels and strife, so that we start disagreements with each other and make life difficult, but so that we can benefit from help, have a haven, refuge and consolation in the disasters that happen, so that we can find pleasure in conversation with our wife. How many rich people, who have taken rich wives and increased their wealth, have lost both pleasure and harmony, having daily quarrels at the table, entering into competitions? How many are poor who have taken the poorest wives, and enjoy peace and look at this sun with great joy; and the rich, with all the luxury that surrounds them, pray for death and liberation from real life because of their wives. So, there is no benefit from wealth if we do not find a good soul. But what about peace and harmony? Taking a rich wife is often harmful to the acquisition of wealth itself. In fact, when someone spends his entire fortune, meaning his wife’s dowry, and then her untimely death happens, and he will have to give the entire dowry to her relatives; then, just as those who are shipwrecked at sea save only their body, so this one, after many troubles, quarrels, strife and trials, can barely make his own body free. And just as the insatiable merchants, having filled the ship with countless burdens and putting on a load greater than its strength, sank the ship and lost everything, so those who enter into overly rich marriages, thinking of increasing their fortune through a wife, often lose what they had; just as there a small wave, attacking, sinks the ship, so here the untimely death that happens deprives him, along with his wife, of all their property. 5. In presenting all this, let us pay attention not to money, but to good morals, honesty and prudence. A prudent, meek and self-controlled wife, even if she were poor, will be able to manage poverty better than another with wealth; whereas a depraved, intemperate, quarrelsome woman, even if she found countless treasures in the house, will squander them faster than any wind and plunge her husband, along with poverty, into countless misfortunes. So, let us not seek wealth, but a wife who can make good use of what she has. Find out in advance what the reason for marriage is and why it was introduced into our lives, and don’t look for anything else. What is the reason for marriage and why did God institute it? Listen to Paul, who says: “But to avoid fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2). He did not say: to avoid poverty or to acquire wealth; And what? To avoid fornication, to curb desires, to live chastely, to please God by being content with one's own wife. Such is the gift of marriage, such are the fruits of it, such are the benefits of it. So, do not seek the less, leaving the greater; wealth is much less than chastity. It is necessary to take a wife only for the sole purpose of avoiding sin, in order to get rid of all fornication; This is why we need to get married so that it will help us lead a chaste life; and this will happen if we take brides who can bring us great chastity, great modesty. Physical beauty, not combined with spiritual virtue, can captivate a husband for twenty or thirty days, and then it will have no power, but, revealing the bad qualities of a wife, it will destroy all love; those who shine with spiritual beauty, the more time passes, and the more they reveal their nobility, the stronger the affection in their husbands and the more inflamed their love. Thus, when there is an ardent and sincere friendship between them, all kinds of fornication are excluded, and even no thought of debauchery comes to the mind of a husband who loves his wife, but he always remains loving his own wife and with such chastity acquires the favor and protection of God for his entire household. This is how virtuous wives were chosen from ancient husbands, seeking nobility of soul, and not abundance of wealth. And that this is true, for example, I will mention one marriage. “Abraham was already old and well advanced in years...,” the Scripture says, “and Abraham said to his servant, the eldest in his house, who ruled over everything that he had: put your hand under my thigh and swear to me by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son [Isaac] from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I live, but you will go to my land, to my homeland.” [and to my tribe], and you will take [from there] a wife for my son Isaac" (Gen. 24:1-4). Do you see the virtue of this righteous man, how he cared about marriage? He did not call any procurers, as they do now, or matchmakers, or chatty old women, but he called his servant and entrusted him with this task. And it serves as the greatest sign of the forefather’s piety that he prepared such a servant whom he found to be a reliable servant of such a matter. Then he is looking for a woman who is not rich, not beautiful, but with noble morals, and therefore sent a servant on such a long journey. Look at the servant's prudence. He didn't say: what does this mean? There are so many nations around us, so many daughters of rich, noble and glorious people, and you send me to such a distant land, to unknown people? Who will I turn to? Who will recognize me? What if they trick me or deceive me? After all, there is no one more defenseless than a stranger. He didn’t say anything like that, but, disdaining all this, he paid attention especially to what needed to be paid attention to, showing obedience by his non-contradiction, and by asking only about what most needed to be explored, he revealed his prudence and care. What is this? What did he ask his master? “Perhaps,” he said, “the woman will not want to go with me to this land, should I return your son to the land from which you came?” Abraham answered: “Beware, do not return my son there; The Lord God of heaven [and God of earth], who took me from my father’s house and from the land of my birth, who spoke to me and who swore to me, saying: [to you and] to your descendants I will give this land; he will send his angel before you” (Gen. 24:5-7). Do you see your husband's faith? He did not invite friends or relatives or anyone else, but in God he showed him a mediator and companion. Further, wanting to encourage the servant, he not only said: “The Lord, the God of heaven [and the God of earth],” but added: “he took me from my father’s house.” Remember, he says, how we made such a journey, how, having left our land, we found greater prosperity in someone else’s, how the impossible became possible. And not only did he want to express this with the words: “he took me from my father’s house,” but also that he had God as his debtor. He is our debtor, he says; He himself said: “I will give this land to [you and] your descendants”; therefore, although we are unworthy, He Himself, according to His own promise, to bring it to fruition, will be present, will make everything that is to come prosperous, and will bring to an end what we pray for. Having said this, he dismissed the servant. Then this one, having arrived in that country, did not go to any of the inhabitants of that city, did not talk to any of the people, did not call the women; but look how he, remaining faithful, held on to the mediator whom he received, talked with Him alone, and, standing, prayed like this: “Lord, God of my master Abraham! Send her to meet me today." He didn’t say, “Lord, my God,” but what? “The Lord God of my master Abraham” (Gen. 24:12). If, he says, I am insignificant and unworthy, then I represent my master; I came not to serve myself, but to serve him; So, having looked upon his virtue, help me in everything that lies ahead. 6. Further, so that you do not think that he demands this as a duty, listen to the following: “and show kindness to my lord Abraham” (Gen. 24:12). Although we, he says, have done many good deeds, we want to be saved by grace and receive this from Your love for mankind, and not out of some kind of debt or obligation. What do you want? “Behold, I stand at the source of water, and the daughters of the inhabitants of the city come out to draw water, and the girl to whom I say, “Tilt down your pitcher, I will drink,” and who says [to me], “Drink, I will also give your camels to drink [until they drink]—this is the one whom You appointed for Your servant Isaac; and by this I know that You show kindness to my master [Abraham]” (Gen. 24:13–14). Look at the wisdom of the servant, what sign he gives. He did not say: whom I will see riding on mules, carried in a chariot, accompanied by a crowd of eunuchs and a multitude of servants, beautiful and shining with bodily beauty, this is what you have appointed for your youth; but what? “I will say: tilt your jug, I will drink.” What are you doing, man? For your master, are you looking for a wife who is so humble, who carries water, and who has the opportunity to talk to you? Yes, he says; He didn’t send me to look for abundance of wealth, or nobility of origin, but nobility of soul. Often many of those who carry water are fully virtuous, while others living in magnificent houses are the worst and most wicked of all. Further, how do you know that she is a virtuous woman? On this basis, he says, which I expressed. What is this sign of virtue? The greatest and undoubted. This is a sign of hospitality - the greatest and most obvious. The meaning of his words, although not expressed in the same words, is as follows: I am looking for a girl who is so hospitable that she does not refuse any service that she can provide. And it was not without reason that he sought this. He was from a house that was especially distinguished for its hospitality, and therefore he tried, first of all, to find a girl who would be similar in character to his masters. We intend, he says, to lead her to a house open to strangers; therefore, so that there is no enmity and quarrel - if her husband begins to share his property with others, imitating his father, and receives strangers, and she, due to her excessive frugality, begins to stop and restrain him, as often happens in many houses - I want to know if she is hospitable, because to this we owe all the benefits. Through this my master received a groom, and through this he became a father; he killed the calf - and received a son, kneaded flour - and received from God a promise of offspring according to the number of stars. Since all the good things have come from this and our home, I seek this first of all. Let us not dwell on the fact that he asked for water, but let us pay attention to the fact that a hospitable soul tends not only to give what is asked, but to offer more than what is asked. “He had not yet stopped speaking [in his mind], and behold, Rebekah came out” (Gen. 24:15); and the prophetic saying was fulfilled: “Then you will call, and the Lord will hear” (Is. 58:9). These are the prayers of virtuous people; Before the end, they dispose God to fulfill what is asked. So you, when you intend to take a wife, do not resort to people or women who trade in other people’s misfortunes and seek only one thing, how they themselves can receive a reward, but resort to God. He will not be ashamed to be the organizer of your marriage. He himself made the following promise: “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). Don't say: how can I see God? Will He talk to me and converse openly so that I can come and ask Him? These are the words of an unbelieving soul. God can quickly arrange whatever he wants without talking, as was the case in this case. The servant did not hear the voice and did not see any vision, but, standing at the source, he prayed and immediately received what he asked for. “He had not yet ceased speaking [in his mind], and behold, Rebekah came out, who was born of Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, and her pitcher was on her shoulder; The maiden was beautiful in appearance, a maiden whom no man knew” (Gen. 24:15-16). Why are you telling me about bodily beauty? So that you recognize her excellent chastity, so that you are convinced of her spiritual beauty. Wonderful chastity; but it is much more amazing when combined with external beauty. Therefore, intending to tell us about Joseph and his chastity, Scripture first mentioned his physical beauty, saying: “Joseph was handsome in figure and handsome in face” (Gen. 39:6), and then told about his chastity, showing by this that beauty did not involve him in debauchery. Truly, beauty is not the cause of fornication, and ugliness is not the cause of chastity. Many of the women who shone with physical beauty shone even more with their chastity; and others, ugly and ugly, were even uglier in soul, having defiled themselves with countless fornications. Не природа тела, а произволение души бывает причиной того и другого. 7. It is not for nothing that Scripture twice calls her a virgin. Having said: “there was a maiden,” it added: “a maiden whom her husband did not know.” Since many of the maidens, keeping their bodies uncorrupted, have a soul filled with great debauchery, adorn themselves in order to attract crowds of admirers from everywhere, and seduce the eyes of the young men, plotting intrigues for them and drawing them into the abyss, then Moses, wanting to show that she was not such, but was a maiden in both respects, in body and in soul, says: “she was a maiden;... a maiden whom her husband did not know.” Meanwhile, she had many reasons for which she could be known by men: firstly, her physical beauty, and secondly, the image of her occupation. If she constantly sat in the women's quarters, like today's girls, never went out into the square and never left her parents' house, then it would not be any praise to say about her “whom her husband did not know.” But when you see that she went out into the square, being forced to go for water once, twice or more every day, and for all that she remained unknown to any man, then you can see in this special praise for her. In fact, if some girl, going out to the square a few times, accompanied by many maids, and, moreover, being not pretty and ugly, often loses the purity of morals from these walks; then this one, who went out alone every day from her parents’ house, and not only to the square, but to the source to draw water, where many others necessarily flocked, is not worthy of great surprise when she was not spoiled by her morals either from frequent exits, or from the beauty of her face, or from the multitude of people she met, or from anything else, but remained uncorrupted both in body and soul and preserved chastity better than those who sit in the women’s chambers, remained such as Paul is looking for when he says: “to be holy in body and spirit” (1 Cor. 7:34)? “She went down to the source, filled her jug ​​and went up. And the servant ran to meet her and said: Let me drink a little water from your jug. She said: Drink, my lord. And immediately she lowered her pitcher onto her hand and gave him drink. And when she had given him something to drink, she said, “I will also draw for your camels until [they all] have drunk.” And immediately she poured water from her pitcher into the trough and ran again to the well to draw, and drew for all his camels” (Gen. 24:16-20). Great is the hospitality of this woman, great is her chastity; both can be seen very clearly both from her actions and from her words. Do you see how neither chastity harmed hospitality, nor did hospitality corrupt chastity? The fact that she was not the first to approach and did not start talking to the man herself revealed her chastity; and the fact that she did not refuse the request and did not evade revealed hospitality and great philanthropy. Just as if she had been the first to approach and begin to talk to him, who said nothing, she would have shown impudence and shamelessness, so if she had refused his request, she would have revealed cruelty and inhumanity. But now she did neither one nor the other: she neither harmed hospitality for chastity, nor diminished the virtues of chastity for hospitality, but fully demonstrated both virtues, showing chastity by waiting for a request, and inexpressible hospitality by service after a request. Truly, it was a sign of inexpressible hospitality to deliver not only what was asked, but to offer something more than what was asked. Although what she offered was water, that was the only thing she had power over then. And those who are hospitable are usually judged not by the value of what is given, but by the ability with which they give. So God praised the one who gave the cup of cold water, and about the one who put in two mites, he said that she put in more than everyone else, because she then put in all that she had. So this one treated the good man to something more than she could offer him. It is not in vain that the words “immediately” and “ran” and the like were added, but so that you can see the zeal with which she did the job, not against her will, not under duress, not with annoyance and indignation. And this is not unimportant. Often we asked a passerby walking with a torch to stop for a while so that we could light it, or someone carrying water so that we could drink, but he did not agree and refused with indignation; and she not only tilted the waterpot for him, but also poured water for all the camels, having undertaken such labor and with great willingness performed bodily service, out of hospitality. Not only the deed, but also the readiness serves as proof of her virtue; and she calls a man unknown and meeting for the first time master. Like her father-in-law, Abraham did not ask passers-by: who are you and where are you from, where are you going and where did you come from? - but she was simply collecting the fruits of hospitality, and she did not say: who are you, where are you from and why did you come? - but, gathering the abundant fruits of hospitality, she left everything extraneous. And just as those who sell jewelry and receive gold seek only one thing, how to get benefit from those who have money, and do not try to find out about them, so she cared only about one thing, how to collect the fruits of hospitality, how to receive the perfect reward. She knew well that the stranger is more bashful than anyone else and therefore needs great friendliness and uninquisitive modesty; and if we begin to question him and investigate, he becomes burdened and evades, and comes with displeasure. Therefore, neither she did this to this man, nor her father-in-law did this to strangers, so as not to drive away the spoils, but only tried to serve the passers-by and, having acquired through them the fruits that he desired, then released them. 8. That is why he once received angels; and if he began to scout, the reward given to him would be reduced. Truly, we are surprised at him not because he accepted the Angels, but because he accepted them without knowing them. If he had treated them, knowing them, he would not have done anything surprising, since the dignity of those received could prompt the most uncompassionate and stony person to philanthropy and charity; but the surprising thing is that he, considering them to be some passers-by, offered them such a treat. That was how this girl was; she did not know who that man was, why he had come, and that he had come to woo her, but she considered him to be some kind of wanderer and traveler. That is why she was given a great reward for her hospitality, because she received a complete stranger with such cordiality, while at the same time maintaining her chastity. She did this not with compulsion and not shamelessly, not insolently, not with anger, but with proper modesty. This is what Moses expressed when he said: “The man looked at her in amazement in silence, wanting to understand whether the Lord had blessed his path or not” (Gen. 24:21). What does it mean: “with amazement”? I carefully observed her appearance, her gait, her gaze, her speech, and everything, recognizing the mood of her soul from the movements of her body. However, he did not limit himself to this alone, but also used another test. When she got him drunk, he didn’t stop there, but said to her: “Whose daughter are you? Tell me, is there a place for us to spend the night in your father’s house?” What is she? She kindly and meekly called her father, was not offended and did not say: who are you, scouting, exploring and asking about our house; but what? “I am the daughter,” he says, “of Bethuel, the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor; we have a lot of straw and feed, and a place to sleep” (Gen. 24:23–25). As before she gave him more water than he asked for - he asked only for him to drink, and she offered to water the camels too, and gave it water - so now: he asked only for a place, and she offered and straw, and hay, and much more, through all this inviting him and attracting him to his house in order to receive a reward for his hospitality. Let us not listen to this carelessly and simply, but, reflecting with ourselves about ourselves and comparing ourselves with them, let us thus begin to study the virtue of this woman. We are often indignant when receiving some acquaintances and relatives, and feel sad if they stay with us for one or two days; and with great cordiality she brought a stranger and stranger into the house, and, moreover, intending to serve not only him, but also so many camels. When he entered the house, see how he showed even greater prudence. He was offered bread to eat, but he said: “I will not eat until I have told my work” (Gen. 24:33). Do you see how vigilant and self-controlled he was? Then, when he was allowed to speak, let's see how he speaks to them. Did he tell them such expressions that he had a glorious and famous gentleman, respected by everyone and enjoying great preference among the native inhabitants? Meanwhile, he could, if he wanted, say this, because the native inhabitants revered Abraham as a king. However, he did not say anything like that, but, leaving these human advantages, exalted him from the side of the highest favor, saying this: “The Lord greatly blessed my master, and he became great: He gave him sheep and oxen, silver and gold, male and female servants, camels and donkeys” (Gen. 24:35). He mentions wealth not in order to present him as rich, but as pious, because he wants to praise him not because of what he acquired, but because he received it from God. Then he talks about the groom. “Sarah my master’s wife, when she was old, bore my master [one] son” (Gen. 24:36). Here he points to the image of the birth of this son, expressing that his birth took place according to God’s providence for Abraham, and not in a natural order. So, when you are looking for a bride or groom, first of all, pay attention to whether they are pious, whether great favor rests on them from above. If this is there, then everything else will follow; if this is not the case, then even if they had worldly goods in great abundance, there will be no benefit. Further, lest they say: why didn’t he take any of the native women? - the servant says: “And my lord took an oath from me, saying: Do not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live, but go to my father’s house and to my relatives, and take [from there] a wife for my son” (Gen. 24:37-38). However, so that we don’t seem boring while telling this whole event, let’s move on to the end. Having told how he stopped at the spring, how he asked the girl for a drink, how she gave more than she asked, how God acted as a mediator, and having told about everything with precision, he finished his speech. Having heard all this, they did not doubt and did not remain inattentive, but, as if by a wave of God who moved their soul, they immediately promised to give up their daughter. “And Laban and Bethuel answered and said, This work has come from the Lord; We cannot tell you in spite of either good or bad; Behold Rebekah is before you; take [it] and go; let her be a wife for your master’s son, as the Lord has said” (Gen. 24:50–51). Who wouldn’t be amazed, who wouldn’t marvel at how many and what kind of obstacles were destroyed in a short moment of time? It is also true that he was a stranger, a slave and an unknown person, and that the distance of the journey was great, and that neither the father-in-law, nor the groom, nor any other of their relatives were known, and each of these circumstances in itself was enough to prevent the marriage, and yet nothing prevented it, but all this turned out to be easy and the parents boldly entrusted him with the bride, as if they were a familiar person who lived nearby and had treated them for a long time. And the reason was that God was among them. Just as when we do something without Him, even if everything is easy and convenient, we encounter abysses, rapids and countless failures; so then, when He is present and cooperates, even if the upcoming affairs are the most difficult, everything becomes easy and convenient. Let us neither do nor say anything before we call on God and ask His help in all our affairs, as this servant did. 9. Let's see how he consummated the marriage when he received the bride. Did he take with him cymbals, pipes, dancers, timbrels, flutes and other inventions? Nothing like that; but, taking only one girl, he set off, having with him an Angel who accompanied and guided her, whom his master prayed to God to send with him when he left the house. And so the bride was taken, not hearing any flutes, no harps or anything else like that, but having on her head countless blessings of God - a crown more brilliant than any diadem; was brought not clothed with golden robes, but with chastity, piety, hospitality and all other virtues; was carried not in a covered chariot or with any other splendor, but sitting on a camel. With the spiritual virtues of girls in ancient times, their bodies blossomed with great health - because their mothers did not raise them as they do now, they did not harm them with frequent baths, fragrant ointments, artificial ointments, soft clothes and other countless ways, making them more tender than proper, but they raised them with all severity. Therefore, their physical beauty was very blooming and true, as natural, and not artificial and not refined. Therefore, they enjoyed perfect health, and their beauty was the best, since no disease damaged their bodies, and all effeminacy was rejected. Labor, studies and manual work in everything eliminated all effeminacy and brought strength and lasting health; and through this they were more desirable and more amiable to their husbands, since they kept not only the body, but also the soul better and whole. So, sitting on a camel, she approached that country; but before she reached it, she looked up and saw Isaac and jumped off the camel. Do you see its fortress? Do you see good health? Jumped off the camel! So great was their strength along with their chastity. “Who is this man walking across the field towards us? The servant said: This is my master. And she took the veil and covered herself” (Gen. 24:65). Look how her chastity is revealed in everything, how modest she was, how bashful she was. “And Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted in his sorrow for [Sarah] his mother” (Gen. 24:67). It is not in vain that he fell in love with her and was comforted by Sarah, his mother, but so that you recognize the foundations of this affection and love, which lay in the woman who came herself. Who, in fact, would not love such a wife, so chaste, so modest, so hospitable, humane and meek, courageous in soul and strong in body? I said this not so that you would only hear, or, having listened, only praise, but so that you would imitate it. Fathers, imitate the care of your forefather, with which he tried to find an unspoiled woman, he was looking not for wealth, not for the nobility of the family, not for physical beauty and nothing else, but only for the nobility of the soul; and mothers, raise your daughters in the same way. And you, grooms, intending to get married, enter into marriage with the same decency, eliminating dancing, laughter, shameful speech, pipes, flutes, devilish inventions, and everything else, but always calling on God to be a mediator in all your affairs. If we arrange our affairs in this way, then there will never be any divorce, no suspicion of adultery, no reason for jealousy, no quarrel and enmity, but we will enjoy great peace and complete harmony; and other virtues will certainly follow. Just as when a wife is at enmity with her husband, nothing good happens in the house, even if all other affairs are successful; so then, when she is unanimous and agrees with him, there will be nothing unpleasant, even if countless storms arise daily. If marriages are performed in this way, then we will be able to guide children to virtue with great ease. When a mother is so modest and decent and adorned with every virtue, then she can undoubtedly attract her husband and bind him to her with love; and having tied him to herself, she will have in him a zealous assistant in caring for the children, and thus will incline God to provide for them in the same way. And when He takes part in such a good economy and exercises the souls of the children, then there will be nothing unpleasant, household affairs will flow successfully with such a mood of the leaders of the house, and everyone, together with the house, i.e. with his wife, children and servants, he can spend his life here with all safety, and enter the Kingdom of Heaven, of which may we all be worthy by the grace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ, with whom to the Father, with the Holy and Life-giving Spirit, be glory and power, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen. We translated this passage in accordance with the interpretation of Chrysostom. In the Slavic text: “eating too much honey is not good: it is proper to honor the words of the glorious”; translated by Prof. Yungerova: “Eating a lot of honey is not good, you also need to appreciate words of praise”; in the Synodal translation: “Just as it is not good to eat a lot of honey, so to seek glory is not glory.” You might be interested in: