A conversation about how no one should despair

“The conversation is about the fact that no one should despair, not pray for harm to enemies, not lose heart when not receiving what they ask for; also to husbands about maintaining peace with their wives” (8 chapters) was spoken by St. John Chrysostom, probably in Antioch either in December 386 or after 386. The saint speaks about the need to pray for enemies, about the need to remember your sins and forget about your good deeds: “Remembering our good deeds leads us to arrogance, and remembering our sins crushes and humbles the soul; this makes us careless, and this makes us the most zealous.” In a conversation with St. John speaks about the types in the Holy Scriptures, about their purpose to prepare humanity to receive a miracle. He talks about the importance of the unanimity of spouses and reminds us of the power of prayer: “When you see any difficulty that has occurred, either in marriage or in other circumstances, then pray to God: this is the single best way to get rid of the disasters that happen to us. Truly, prayer is a great weapon.” *Title of the work in Greek – Περ τοῦ μὴ ἀποϒινώσκειν τινὰς αυτῶν, μηδὲ κατεύχεσθαι τῶν ἐχθρῶν. *The title of the essay in Latin is Non esse desperandum. Do not pray for harm to enemies, do not lose heart when you do not receive what you ask for; also to husbands about maintaining peace with their wives The joy of the preacher at the sight of the fruits of contrition produced by his last conversation. – To pray properly, you must remember your sins and forget your good deeds. – When God wants to perform a great miracle, He prepares people for this with prototypes. – Thus, barren women conceive in order to incline minds to believe in virgin conception; Thus, Jonah, disgorged by a whale, prefigures Christ emerging alive from the depths of death. “Death swallowed the cornerstone, she could not digest it, she cast it out, and with it the entire human race. – Sarah as a prototype of the church. – Moral conclusions drawn from this teaching. – The spouse should be tolerant, despite her shortcomings. The Power of Prayer 1. I am very grateful to you that you diligently accepted the conversation about prayer, that you made me blessed, because “blessed is he who has acquired wisdom and imparts it into the ears of those who listen” (Sir.25:12). I was convinced of this not only from applause and praise, but also from what I saw you do. When I urged you not to pray for harm to your enemies, and said that by doing this we offend God and oppose His laws with other, contrary laws [because He Himself said: “pray for... your enemies” (Matthew 5:44), and we, praying for harm to our enemies, ask Him to break His law], when I said this and the like, I saw how many of you struck yourselves in the face and chest, groaned bitterly and stretched out your hands to to heaven, asking forgiveness for such prayers. Then I, raising my eyes to heaven, thanked God that the word of teaching had so quickly brought us fruit. Such is spiritual sowing: it does not require years, seasons, or days, but if it falls on a noble soul, it immediately reveals a blooming and ripe ear, as happened to you yesterday. I sowed the word of contrition, and the groaning of confession grew, a groaning containing a great wealth of blessings. In fact, if a tax collector beats himself on the chest and says: “God! “be merciful to me a sinner” (Luke 18:13), came out justified more than the Pharisee, then what kind of boldness should we acquire by showing such contrition in a short time? Meanwhile, there is nothing worse than a tax collector; this is the extreme limit of wickedness, as Christ declared, often citing harlots and publicans as examples of extreme evil; this is daring violence, unpunished robbery, a shameless kind of greed, countless covetousness, dishonest trade; and yet, he who lived in such wickedness could, by simple words, wash away his shame and receive more than he asked for. He prayed, saying: “God! be merciful to me, a sinner,” and God not only was merciful, but also justified him more than the Pharisee. That is why Paul says: “To him who, by the power that works in us, is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Eph. 3:20). But the Pharisee also prayed, and stood in the church, and called upon the same God, and said more words, and began the prayer with thanksgiving; Why did he lose the blessings that he had, and he also received boldness that he did not have? Because they had different ways of praying. This one was filled with vanity, arrogance and pride, and the other one was filled with great modesty; That is why he, being burdened with countless sins, laid aside everything and received justification, and this one, having brought a ship filled with good deeds, and alms, and fasting, and hitting it as if against some rock, with vain and proud thoughts, suffered shipwreck in the pier itself, because to harm oneself in prayer means (the same as) to suffer shipwreck in the pier. But this happened not from the quality of prayer, but from the will of himself. 2. Do you see that prayer is not enough for us to be saved if at the same time we do not pray according to the commandments that Christ gave? What commandments did He give? Pray for our enemies, even if they insult us a lot. If we do not do this, we will inevitably perish, as seen in the example of the Pharisee. If he, without praying for harm to his enemies, but only by indulging in vanity, was subjected to such condemnation, then what punishment awaits those who make long and profuse speeches against their enemies? What are you doing, man? Do you stand asking for forgiveness of your sins and fill your soul with anger? While those who talk with the Lord, pray about their own sins, ask for mercy, philanthropy and forgiveness should be the meekest of all, at this time we become hardened, become enraged and fill our mouths with bile. How can we, tell me, receive salvation by taking on the appearance of supplicants and together uttering words of pride and irritating the Lord against ourselves? You came to heal your own wounds, and not to make the wounds of your neighbor more serious; this is a time of propitiation, a time of prayer and lamentation, not anger, tears, not irritation, contrition, not indignation. Why are you disturbing the order, why are you arming yourself against yourself, why are you destroying your own building? The one who prays, first of all, must have a meek soul, a humble mind, a contrite heart; and whoever cries out against his enemies can never satisfy this, because he is filled with anger and it is unusual for him to have a humble mind. So, let us not pray for harm to our enemies, but together we will not remember our good deeds, so as not to suffer the same thing as the Pharisee. Just as it is a good deed to remember your sins, so it is a good deed to forget about your good deeds. Why? Because remembering our good deeds leads us to arrogance, and remembering our sins crushes and humbles the soul; this makes us careless, and this makes us the most zealous. Those who do not think that they have anything good are the most zealous in acquiring good things; and those who think that they have a great store of goods, hoping for this abundance, show little zeal to acquire even more. 3. So, do not remember your good deeds, so that God may remember them. “To Him who, by the power that works in us, is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Eph. 3:20); and again: “I myself blot out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins” (Is. 43:25). But why did God hear the publican so quickly, and leave Isaac to beg for twenty years and pray to Him for his wife, and then he already bowed to the prayers of the righteous man? We need to offer you the remnants of yesterday's teaching. Why was this done? So that from what happened to the publican you would learn the love of the Lord, Who quickly heard, and from what happened to Isaac you would learn the patience of a servant who received it late and did not stop praying, so that even if you were a sinner, you would not despair, and even if you were a righteous person, you would not become arrogant. “Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but those who are sick” (Matthew 9:12). The publican was in poor condition; therefore the Lord soon stretched out his hand to him; Isaac was stronger, and therefore the Lord left him to strengthen his patience. However, we have said this in excess. But it must be said why his wife was barren. In order (she was like this) so that when you see that the Virgin has become a mother, you will not be an unbeliever; so that when the Jew says to you, How did Mary give birth? - You said to him: How did Sarah, and Rebekah, and Rachel give birth? When some wondrous and great miracle happens, it is preceded by many images. Just as soldiers precede the entrance of a king, so that the king, having arrived suddenly, is not received without preparation, so when a wondrous miracle is about to happen, images precede, so that we prepare in advance and are not suddenly amazed and confused by the extraordinary nature of the event. The same applies to death: Jonah preceded us and shaped our minds. After three days the whale vomited it, not having found in it its characteristic and appropriate food, because the characteristic and appropriate food of death is sinful nature: from there it came, that is why it was strengthened, and that is what it feeds on. As it happens with us: when we unnoticedly swallow a stone, then at first the stomach begins to cook it with its own strength, but when it finds that this is food alien to it, then, using an even greater effort of its digestive ability, it does not decompose it, but loses its own strength, so that it cannot retain the previous food, but, having weakened, vomits it along with it with great pain - so it was with death. She swallowed the cornerstone, but could not cook it, all her strength was exhausted, which is why, along with it, she vomited out the rest of the food she had, vomiting out human nature along with it, because she could no longer hold it to the end. For this reason, the barren also preceded, so that we would believe in birth (Virgin), or - better - not only so that we would believe in this birth, but if we carefully examine, we can find that barrenness was an image of death itself. 4. But be careful, because the subject that will be discussed is profound; we want to say how Sarah’s womb, through its barrenness, leads us to faith in the resurrection. How does she guide us? Just as she, being dead, by the grace of God was resurrected and brought forth the living body of Isaac, so Christ, having died, rose by his own power. And that there is no exaggeration in these words, listen to Paul himself, who says, having said about Abraham, that he “and not having fainted in the faith, he did not consider that his body, almost a hundred years old, was already dead, and the womb of Sarah was dead; “I did not shake the promise of God through unbelief, but remained steadfast in faith, giving glory to God,” i.e. to make a living son be born from dead bodies (Rom. 4:19-21), he then, leading us from that faith to this, adds: “but it was not written in relation to him alone that it was imputed to him.” For what? “but also in relation to us; It will also be imputed to us who believe in Him who raised Jesus Christ our Lord from the dead” (Rom. 4:23–24). The meaning of his words is as follows: just as (God) raised Isaac from dead bodies, so He also raised His Son, who was dead. Do you want to know that infertility was a prototype of another event? The Church had to give birth to many believers; therefore, lest you disbelieve, how this childless, barren and nulliparous woman gave birth, barren by nature preceded her, paving the way for the barren by her own will, and Sarah became a type of the church. Just as she, being barren, gave birth in old age, so this one, being barren, gave birth in recent times. And that this is true, listen to Paul, who says: “we are children... of the free” (Gal.4:31). Since Sarah was the image of the church, and she was free, he therefore added that we “we are not the children of a slave, but of a free one.” And again: “we, brethren, are the children of the promise according to Isaac” (Gal.4:28). What does "promises" mean? Just as it was not nature that gave birth to him, so it was not nature that gave birth to us, but the grace of God. And again: “And the Jerusalem that is on high is free: she is the mother of us all” (Gal. 4:26), - and this is the church, because “but you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, to the heavenly Jerusalem and ten thousand angels, to the triumphant assembly and church of the firstborn” (Heb. 12:22-23). So, if the church is the Jerusalem above and Sarah is the image of the Jerusalem above, as it is said: there were two (wives), one “giving birth to slavery, which is Hagar,” and the Jerusalem above “is free: she is the mother of us all” (Gal. 4:24, 26), then, obviously, Sarah was an image of the Jerusalem above by her birth and barrenness. 5. I know that these words are full of depth; but if we try, then nothing said will remain incomprehensible to us. These words are mysterious and refer to dogmas; If you wish, then at the same time I will tell you about their moral side. The wife was barren so that you would recognize the chastity of her husband, since he did not reject her, although no law forbade this at that time, and did not take another while she was free, as many do under the pretext of childbearing, satisfying their incontinence, removing some wives, accepting others, and contrasting others with concubines and filling the houses with a lot of discord. This righteous man did not act this way, but he continued to love the wife God had given him, prayed to the Lord of nature to resolve the bonds of nature, and did not reproach his wife. How is it known that he did not reproach her? From Scripture itself. If he had reproached, then Scripture would have spoken about this and would not have been silent, because it speaks both about the virtues of the righteous and about the shortcomings, so that we would avoid the latter and imitate the former. So, when his daughter-in-law, Rachel, cried in front of his son and he reproached her, the Scripture set out both and did not hide it. When she said: “Give me children, and if not, I’m dying,” then what did he answer her? “Am I God, who did not give you the fruit of your womb?” (Gen.30:1-2). The demand is feminine and reckless! Do you say to your husband: “Give me children,” and do not turn to the Lord of nature? Therefore, he, answering her reproachfully, stopped her reckless demand and taught whom she should ask. But Abraham himself did not act this way; he did not say anything like that, and his wife did not cry or complain before him. From here we learn chastity and faith. That he prayed to God shows his faith; the fact that he did not reject his wife reveals to us his chastity; and the fact that he did not reproach her and did not despair proves his patience, wisdom, great meekness and love for his wife. Not as many now do in such circumstances, resorting to drugs and magic, he did not use these empty, useless, harmful and soul-destroying means, but, abandoning all this and rejecting all human aids, he resorted to the Lord of nature, Who alone can correct such shortcomings. 6. Hear this, husbands, learn, wives; Let us all imitate the righteous. Let there be nothing more precious for a wife than her husband, and for a husband nothing more desirable than his wife. This is the strength of life for all of us, so that the wife is of one mind with her husband; this supports everything in the world. Just as when the foundation is shaken, the whole building is overthrown, so when marital discord is destroyed, our whole life is destroyed. Look: the world consists of cities, cities - of houses, houses - of husbands and wives; therefore, when enmity arises between husbands and wives, war enters into homes; and when they are restless, then the cities are also restless; when cities fall into confusion, then, of necessity, the whole universe is filled with confusion, war and strife. Therefore, God especially provides for this; That is why He does not allow one to reject a wife, except in the case of adultery. What do you say if she is grumpy, if she is careless and wasteful, if she has many other shortcomings? Endure everything courageously and do not reject her for these shortcomings, but correct the shortcomings. This is why you take the place of the head, so that you can heal the body. From our body, even if it has a thousand wounds, we do not cut off the head. Likewise, do not separate your wife from yourself, because with us the wife takes the place of the body. That is why blessed Paul says: “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies” (Eph. 5:28). And for wives we have the same law: as you, wife, love your head and value it, so value your husband. It is not in vain that we talk so much about this subject. I know how many benefits come from when there is no discord between a wife and her husband; I know how much evil is caused when they quarrel among themselves. Then neither wealth, nor prosperity, nor many children, nor power and might, nor glory and honor, nor abundance and luxury, and no other well-being can please a husband or wife if they are at odds with each other. 7. Let us take care of this more than anything else. Does your wife have flaws? Do what Isaac did: pray to God. If he, by constant prayer, destroyed the powerlessness of nature, then all the more, by constantly praying to God, we can correct the shortcomings of the will. If God sees that you, out of obedience to His law, tolerate and graciously bear the sins of your wife, then He will help you teach her and give you a reward for your patience. “Why do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or do you, husband, why do you know if you won’t save your wife?” (1 Cor. 7:16)? Don’t be discouraged, he says, and don’t despair: maybe she will be saved; if you remain incorrigible, then you will not lose the reward for patience. But if you reject her, then firstly, you will sin by breaking the law and being guilty before God of adultery, because “whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of adultery, gives her a reason to commit adultery” (Matthew 5:32). Moreover, often, having taken another, heavier one, you have already committed a sin, but you will not find peace. If you take the better one, then it will not be given to you to enjoy pure pleasure with the second one, because you rejected the first one, becoming guilty of adultery, because rejecting the first one is adultery. So, when you see any difficulty occurring, either in marriage or in other circumstances, then pray to God: this is the only best way to get rid of the disasters that happen to us. Truly, prayer is a great weapon. I have often said this, and I say it now, and I will not stop saying it; even if you were a sinner, look at the tax collector who was not rejected, who was cleansed from so many sins. Do you want to know how important prayer is? Friendship before God does not mean so much as prayer. This is not my word; I myself, in my judgment, would not dare to say this; Hear from Scripture how prayer did what friendship did not. “And he said to them: Suppose that one of you, having a friend, comes to him at midnight and says to him: friend! lend me three loaves of bread, for my friend came to me from the road, and I have nothing to offer him; and he from the inside will tell him in response: don’t bother me, the doors are already locked, and my children are with me on the bed; I can't get up and give it to you. If, I tell you, he does not get up and give him because of his friendship with him, then because of his persistence, he will get up and give him as much as he asks” (Luke 11:5-8). Do you see how in what friendship failed, persistent request succeeded? Since the one who asked was a friend, so that you would not think that for this reason he had time, it is said: “If, I tell you, he does not get up and give to him out of friendship with him, then, out of his persistence, he will get up and give him as much as he asks.” If friendship, he says, does not do this, then persistent request will do what friendship failed to do. Who was it with? With the publican. He was not a friend of God, but he became a friend. So, even if you were an enemy, then through persistent request you will become a friend. Look at the Canaanite woman and listen to what the Lord said to her: “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs” (Matthew 15:26). Why did He do it if it was “not good”? By persistent request, the wife achieved this good, so that you know that what we are unworthy of, we become worthy of through persistent request. 8. I said this so that you would not say: I am a sinner, I have no boldness, I have no prayer. He who does not think that he has boldness has boldness, but whoever thinks that he has boldness has lost his boldness, like the Pharisee, and whoever considers himself rejected and despised will especially be heard, like the tax collector. Look how many examples you have: the Canaanite woman, the tax collector, the thief on the cross, the friend mentioned in the parable who asked for three loaves of bread and received it not so much for friendship as for his persistent request. If each of them said: I am a sinner, I am ashamed, and therefore I should not begin, then I would not have any success. But since each of them looked not at the multitude of his sins, but at the riches of God’s love for mankind, he received boldness, dared and, being a sinner, asked not according to his dignity, and each succeeded in what he desired. Let us remember all this and observe it; Let us pray unceasingly, watchfully, with boldness, with good hopes, with great zeal. With what zeal others pray for harm to their enemies, with such zeal we will pray both for our enemies and for our brothers - and we will certainly receive everything useful, because the Giver is a philanthropist, and it is not so much that we desire to receive as He desires to give. So, knowing all this, even if we plunge into the extreme abyss of wickedness, we will not even then despair of our salvation, but we will approach with good hope, convincing ourselves that we will certainly receive what we ask if we ask in accordance with the laws established by Him. “To him who, by the power that works in us, is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Eph. 3:20), to Christ, the King of all, our God, is due all glory, honor and worship, with the beginningless Father and the all-holy and life-giving Spirit, now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen. You might be interested in: