The Legend of the Virtues of Blessed Pavla

Blzh. Jerome of Stridon in 404 wrote a consoling message, “The Legend of the Virtues of Blessed Paula,” in which he described the life of St. Pavels. The essay was addressed to her daughter, St. Eustochia, who took control of the convent after the death of her mother. Blzh. Jerome expresses the idea that without an accurate definition of the literal meaning of the Holy Scriptures, its correct spiritual understanding is also impossible: “She repeated the Holy Scriptures by heart. And although she loved history (the historical meaning of Scripture) and called it the foundation of truth, more, however, she followed the spiritual meaning and with this roof completed the building of the soul.” If all the organs of my body, like the tongue, served me to express thoughts: even then I could not say anything worthy of blessed Pavla. Famous for her family, she became even more famous for her piety. Once glorious with her riches, she has now become even more glorious through the poverty of Christ. The branch of the Gracchi and Scipios, the heir of Paul Emilia, whose name she herself bore, the true and worthy branch of Marcia Papiria, the mother of Africanus, she preferred Bethlehem to Rome and exchanged the shining chambers of gold for a wretched hut. Let us not, however, complain that we have lost such a person; but let us be grateful that we cohabited with her and even now we cohabitate: for with God everything lives, and everything that returns to the Lord is counted among His family. Her outcome was, of course, no more than relocation to a heavenly dwelling; because, even while still living in the body, she considered herself a wanderer of the Lord and always cried out in a mournful voice: “Woe is me, that I am at Mosoch, I live at the tents of Kedar. My soul lived long with those who hate the world” (Ps 119.5–6). And it is not surprising that she lamented her stay in darkness (for this is expressed by the word “kidar”), since the world lies in evil, and its very light is like darkness. That is why she said so often: “Hear, O Lord, my prayer, and listen to my cry; do not be silent to my tears. For I am a stranger with You and a stranger, like all my fathers” (Ps 39:13); or: “I have a desire to be separated and to be with Christ” (Phil 1.23). Every time her body was exhausted, which she exhausted with incredible abstinence and extreme fasts, these words were repeated in her mouth: “I pacify and enslave my body, so that, having preached to others, I myself would not remain unworthy” (1 Cor 9.27); “It is better not to eat meat, not to drink wine” (Rom 14.21); “I dressed myself in sackcloth, and wore out my soul with fasting, and my prayer returned to my bosom” (Ps 34:13). In the midst of the most severe sorrows, which she endured with amazing patience, she, as if seeing the heavens open before her, exclaimed: “Who would give me wings like a dove? I would fly away and calm down” (Ps 54.7). I bear witness to Jesus Christ, His saints and the Guardian Angel himself and the companion of the wondrous wife, that I do not say anything out of indulgence, as flatterers are wont to do, but whatever I say, I say only as a testimony; and this will be even lower than the one that the whole world sings of, about which the priests are amazed, about which the faces of virgins sigh and many monks and the poor lament. Would you, reader, like to know briefly her virtues? She left all her relatives poor, leaving herself even poorer than them. And do not be surprised when you hear such words of mine about her neighbors and household of both sexes, whom she made from slaves and slaves into her brothers and sisters, even if she left her daughter Eustochia, a virgin betrothed to Christ (for whose consolation this small essay is being written), despite her noble family, with only the wealth of faith and love. But let's retell everything in order. Let others begin their speech from afar, from Pavla’s very infancy and, so to speak, from her first toys; let them expose her mother Blesilla and father Rogatus, of whom the first is a branch of the Scipios and Gracchi, and the latter traces his family, as is still remembered in almost all Greece, from the noble and rich family of Agamemnon, who crushed Troy with a ten-year siege. We will praise in Paul only that which actually belongs to her and flows from the pure source of her holy soul. The Lord and Savior in the Gospel, questioned by the apostles, says that He will reward those who have left everything for the sake of His name, that they will receive a hundredfold in the present world, and inherit eternal life (Matthew 19.29). From this we conclude that it is commendable not to possess wealth, but to despise it for the sake of Christ; not to move arrogantly from one honor to another, but to neglect them for the sake of the faith of God. And truly, what the Savior promised to his male and female servants, he rewarded them in this life: because she who despised the glory of one city is now glorified by the voice of the entire universe; and the one about whom no one knew outside Rome while she lived in Rome, after her relocation to Bethlehem, both the foreign land and the Roman land marveled. For from what nation do people not come to holy places? And at the holy places who found others, besides Paula, who would be more amazed? As the most precious pearl shines among other pearls, and as the radiance of the sun overshadows and covers the small lights of the stars - so she surpassed everyone in her humiliation of the virtue and dignity and, having become the least among all, may she be greater than all. And the more she humiliated herself, the more she was exalted by Christ. It opened and did not hide. Fleeing from glory, she has earned glory, which, like a shadow, follows virtue and, eluding those who seek it, seeks those who show contempt for it. But what am I doing? Why am I interrupting the thread of the story? Dwelling on every subject, I do not adhere to the rules of oratorical speech. So, born from such a root, she united in marriage with Toxocius, in whom the ancient blood of Aeneas and Julius flowed: which is why her daughter, the virgin of Christ, Eustochia, is called Julia, like Julius (Caesar) himself, diminutively named after the great Yulus (son of Aeneas). We talk about this not because such accessories are important in people who have them, but because they are amazing in those who despise them. People of the world look with reverence at those who have such advantages; but we praise those who despise it for the sake of the Savior, and - an amazing thing! - those whom we have little respect for when they have something like this, we extol when they decide to refuse it out of contempt. Paula, I say, descended from such ancestors, respected for her generosity and modesty first by her husband, then by her neighbors and, finally, unanimously by the whole city, had five children: Blesilla, on the occasion of whose death I consoled her in Rome; Paulina, who left as heir to her virtues and estate her husband, the holy and amazing Pammachius, to whom I wrote a short essay on the occasion of her death; Eustochia, which now near the holy places constitutes the precious pearl of the Church and the beauty of virginity; Ruffina, whose premature death tore apart the tender heart of her mother; and Toxocia, after which she stopped giving birth, in order to show that she only wanted to serve her marital duty for a short time, and then at the request of her husband, who certainly wanted to have a son. When her husband died, she was so sad that she almost died from it, and at the same time she devoted herself so completely to the Lord, as if she had long wanted her husband’s death. Do I still need to say after this that almost all the wealth of this vast, noble and once most luxurious house was squandered on the poor? Should we say that Pavla’s kindness and charity extended even to those whom she had never seen? What dead poor man was not dressed in her dress? What patient in a hospital did not use her benefits? With all care, looking for the poor throughout the city, she considered it a crime if she saw some emaciated and hungry poor man, supported by food not from her. When, due to the disagreements that arose between the churches, the eastern and western bishops arrived in Rome, as a result of imperial decrees, she saw wondrous men, the high priests of Christ, Paulinus, bishop of the city of Antioch, and Epiphanius, bishop of Salamis in Cyprus, which is now called Constantia. Of these, Epiphanius even lived as a guest in her house; but even though he remained in a house that was foreign to her, she surrounded Peacock with her helpfulness, as if she were her own guest. Inflamed by their virtues, she constantly thought about leaving her fatherland and did not feel joyful at the thought of how she, alone and without guides, would go into the desert of Antoniev and Pavlov. Finally, when winter ended and the sea opened, the bishops began to leave for their churches; she was already sailing with them by vow and desire. But soon Pavla herself goes down to the pier and, in spite of all obstacles, fixing her calm gaze on the sky and, as if no longer realizing that she is a mother, thinks only of proving that she is a servant of Christ. But could her womb not burst, separating from the children, as if from its members? Could she not grieve, although she surprised everyone with her victory over the strongest love? Even in the hands of enemies and amid the cruel sufferings of captivity, there is nothing more painful than the separation of parents from their children. Pavla found some peace for herself in the fact that Eustochia shared her intention and accompanied her on the voyage. Meanwhile, the ship plowed the sea, and while everyone sailing with her turned their gaze to the shores they were leaving, she deliberately turned away from them so as not to see those whom she could not look at without torment. I confess that no woman loved her children as much as she did, who, before her departure, gave them everything, depriving herself of an inheritance on earth, but gaining an inheritance in heaven. Having reached the island of Pontia, famous for the fact that during the reign of Domitian, the most glorious wife of Flavius ​​Domitilla was exiled there for confessing the name of Christ, and examining the small cells in which the exile endured a long martyrdom, Paula spread the wings of faith and even more desired to see Jerusalem and the holy places. The winds seemed lazy to her and every speed of the ship seemed slow. Having sailed across the Adriatic Sea between Scylla and Charybdis, as if on a quiet lake, she arrived in Methon. Having here strengthened her body a little and given rest to the members hardened by the salt water, she continued her journey through Malea, Peter and the Cycladic islands scattered throughout this sea, between which in some places the water is extremely fast due to the pressure from the shores. Having passed Rhodes and Lycia, Paul finally saw Cyprus. Here, falling at the feet of the holy and venerable Epiphanius, she stopped, at his request, for ten days, but not for rest, as he expected, but for the work of God, as it actually turned out. For, examining all the monasteries of that country, she, as much as she could, made various donations for the benefit of the brethren, whom love for the holy man had brought here from all over the world. From there in a short time she arrived in Seleucia, from which she went to Antioch, and there she was briefly detained by the love of the holy confessor Paulinus. In the middle of winter, but with the heat of fiery faith, this noble woman, who had previously been carried in the arms of eunuchs, continued her journey, sitting on a donkey. I will not follow her through Coele-Syria and Phenicia (because I did not intend to write her travel diary); but I will name only those places that are mentioned in the sacred books. Having passed the Roman colony of Beritus and the ancient city of Sidon, on the banks of the Sarepta, she ascended the Tower of Elijah. Having prayed here to the Lord Savior, she crossed the sands of Tyre, on which Paul’s knees rested, to Koth, which is now called Ptolemais, and through the fields of Mageddon, which witnessed the death of Josiah, entered the land of the Philistines. Marveling at the ruins of Dor, a once powerful city, and in its place the Strato Tower, nicknamed Caesarea by the Jewish king Herod in honor of Augustus Caesar, where the house of Cornelius (centurion) is located, she saw the Church of Christ, the small buildings of Philip (Acts 20.6) and the resting places of the four virgin prophetesses (Acts 21.9). Then she visited the dilapidated town of Antipatris, which was named after Herod’s father, and Lydda, transformed into Diospolis, glorified by the resurrection of Dorcas and the healing of Aeneas (Acts 9.35, 38); not far from there is Arimathea, the place of Joseph, who buried the Lord, and Nob, the once priestly city, and then the tomb of the slain (1 Samuel 22.11 ff); also Joppa, the haven of the fleeing Jonah; - and, after a short rest, Nicopolis, which was formerly called Emmaus and in which the Lord, known in the breaking of bread, consecrated the house of Cleopas into a church. And leaving from here, she entered Bethhoron, lower and upper - cities built by Solomon (2 Chronicles 8.5), but later, during military storms, destroyed; I saw here, on the right side, Gialon and Gibeon, where Joshua the son of Nun, fighting with five kings, commanded the sun and the moon to stand still, and where he condemned the Gibeonites to slave positions of carrying water and wood for the tabernacle, for their cunning and cunning in asking for an alliance (Joshua 10.12). Having stopped for a while in Gibeon - a city destroyed to its very foundation - she remembered his sin, and about the concubine who was cut into pieces there, and about the three hundred men of the tribe of Benjamin, spared for the sake of the Apostle Paul (who came from this tribe). But why am I delaying so long? Leaving on the left the mausoleum of Helen, the Adiabene queen, who delivered bread to her people during the famine, Paula entered this triple city - Jebus, Salem, Jerusalem, which was later restored from ruins and ashes - destroyed by time - by Elius Hadrian and renamed Aelia. And when the proconsul of Palestine, who knew the name of Pavla very well, ordered the officials specially sent to prepare a palace for her, she chose a humble cell and began to go around all the holy places with such zeal and zeal that she could not tear herself away from the first places if she had not hurried to the others. Prostrated before the Cross, she prayed as if she were contemplating the Savior hanging on it. Entering the Tomb of the Resurrection, she kissed the stone that had been rolled away by an angel from the door of the cave, and, like one thirsty for the longed-for waters, she touched with her faithful lips the very place where the body of the Lord lay. How many tears, how many sighs, how much sorrow she poured out there, all Jerusalem is a witness to this, the Lord himself, to whom she prayed, is a witness. Coming out from there, she ascended to Zion, about which it is said: “its foundation is on the mountains of the saints. The Lord loves the gates of Zion more than all the villages of Jacob” (Ps 86.2), - not the gates that we now see turned to dust and dust, but the gates that hell will not overcome and through which many believers enter to Christ. She was shown a pillar supporting the portico of the church, stained with the blood of the Lord and to which, they say, He was tied during the scourging. They indicated the place where the Holy Spirit descended on one hundred and twenty souls of believers, so that the prophecy of Joel would be fulfilled. Then, having distributed as much as she could of her small property to the poor and her fellow servants, Paul went to Bethlehem and to the right of the road stopped at the tomb of Rachel, where Benjamin was born - not the son of sickness, as the dying parent called him, but the son of the right hand, as the father prophesied in the spirit (Gen. 35.18). Having reached Bethlehem, she entered the cave of the Savior, where she saw the holy shelter of the Virgin and a manger, in which “the ox knows its owner, and the ass knows its master’s manger” (Isaiah 1.3), so that what is written by the same prophet may be fulfilled: “Blessed are you who sow by all the waters and send thither the ox and the ass” (Isaiah 32.20). With the eyes of faith, she saw here the Baby, wrapped in swaddling clothes, the Lord screaming in the manger; I saw the worshiping Magi, the star shining from above, the Virgin Mother, the diligent nourisher (Joseph), the shepherds who come at night to see “what happened there, which the Lord told us about” (Luke 2.15), and even then announce the beginning of the Gospel of John: “In the beginning was the Word... and the Word became flesh" (John 1.1, 14); I saw the slain babies, the raging Herod, Joseph and Mary fleeing into Egypt, and with tears of joy she said: “I greet you, Bethlehem, house of bread, where bread was born... which comes down from heaven” (John 6.33)! Greetings, Ephrathah, most abundant and fruitful land, to which God bears fruit! Micah once prophesied about you: “And you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, are you small among the thousands of Judah? from you will come to me one who is to be ruler in Israel, and whose origin was from the beginning, from the days of eternity. Therefore He will leave them until the time when she who is about to give birth gives birth; then their remaining brothers will return to the children of Israel” (Micah 5.2–3); because in you an Elder was born, who was born of the Father above all time, and the line of the line of David continued in you until the Virgin gave birth and until the remnant of the people believing in Christ turned to the children of Israel with a bold sermon: “The word of God should have been preached to you first; but since you reject it and make yourselves unworthy of eternal life, behold, we turn to the Gentiles” (Acts 13.46). Speaking about God: “sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel” (Matthew 15.24). And I, unworthy and sinner, am worthy to kiss the manger in which the Lord lay, to pray in the den in which the Virgin Mother gave birth to the Child of the Lord! Here is my peace, because here is the homeland of my Lord. I will live here because the Savior chose this place. I have prepared a lamp for my Christ. For Him my soul will live, and my seed will serve Him.” Not far from that place she ascended the tower of Gader, that is, the tower of the flock, near which Jacob tended his flocks of sheep, and the shepherds who were awake at night were honored to hear: “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men” (Luke 2.14). While guarding the sheep, they found the Lamb of God with the purest, immaculate wave, which, when the earth was dry, was filled with heavenly dew, the Lamb, whose blood cleansed the sins of the world, and being smeared on the doors, removed the angel of the destroyer of Egypt. From here, with accelerated steps, Paul began to strive forward along the ancient road leading to Gaza, as if to the power or wealth of God (what the word “Gaza” means), and in silence she reflected with herself about how on this road the Ethiopian eunuch, representing the pagan peoples, changed his skin and, after reading the Old Testament, found the source of the Gospel (Acts 8.37 ; Jer 13.23 ). Then her path lay to the right. From Bosor she came to Eschol, which means grapes. From there, as evidence of the excellent fertility of the land and at the same time as a type of the One who says: “I trodden the winepress alone, and among the nations there was none with Me” (Isaiah 63.3), the spies brought a bunch of grapes of amazing size (Numbers 13.25). Having walked another small space, she was in Sarah’s cells, where she saw Isaac’s cradle and traces of Abraham’s oak, under which he foresaw the day of Christ, and rejoiced (Gen. 18.1; John 8.56). From here, rising, she ascended to Hebron, or (in ancient times) Cariatharbe, that is, the city of four men, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Adam the Great, who is also buried in this place, according to the Jews, based on the book of Joshua, although many consider the fourth to be Caleb, whose monument is pointed to the side. Having examined these places, she did not want to continue the journey to Kariath Sephor, that is, the village of letters; because, despising the letters that kill, she became akin to the life-giving spirit (2 Cor 3.6). But with great surprise she looked at the upper and lower waters, which, instead of the midday and dry land, Othniel, the son of Jephonia Kenaz, received into possession, and by carrying them he softened the dry fields that he received during the first division (Joshua 15.17–20); At the same time, it was impossible not to think about the atonement of ancient, hardened sins in the waters of baptism. The next day, at sunrise, she stood on the hill of Kafar Baruch, that is, the village of blessing, in the place to which Abraham accompanied the Lord (Gen. 18.16). Looking down from there on the spreading desert, on the land where Sodom, Gomorrah, Adam and Seboi once stood, she admired the tassels of the balsam tree in Engaddi and fled from it to Zoar (Isaiah 15.5), which was formerly called Baloya, and in the Syrian dialect it turned into Zoara, which means the younger. She remembered Lot’s cave and burst into tears, admonishing the virgins accompanying her to beware of wine, which contains fornication, the offspring of which were the Moabites and Ammonites. But for a long time I remain at midday, where the Bride (from the Song of Songs) found her Bridegroom reclining, and where Joseph feasted with his brothers (Gen. 43.34). I will return to Jerusalem and through the mountains of Tekuah and Amos I will look at the Mount of Olives, from which the Savior ascended to the Father. On it, every year a red-haired young woman was offered as a burnt offering to the Lord, with whose ashes the people of Israel were cleansed. Here, according to Ezekiel, the cherubim, having moved from the Jewish church, founded the Church of the Lord (Ezekiel 10.6ff.; Ezekiel 40.2ff.). Then Paula entered the tomb of Lazarus, saw the hospitable house of Mary and Martha, and Bethphage, which means the village of the priestly jaws, where the colt, free as the pagans, took upon himself the bridle of God and, covered with the clothes of the apostles, offered his soft back for sitting (Matthew 21.7 ff.). She went down the straight road to Jericho, thinking along the way about the man mentioned in the Gospel, beaten by robbers, about the hard-heartedness of the priests and Levites who passed by him, about the mercy of the Samaritan, that is, the guard, who, having laid the half-dead animal on his cattle, carried it to the church inn; I saw the place of Adomim, which means the place of blood, because a lot of blood was shed here from the frequent raids of robbers; I saw the fig tree of Zacchaeus, a witness to the good fruits of repentance, through which he shook off the former cruel and harmful sins of the predator from his feet, and from the height of virtues contemplated the Most High Lord (Luke 19.4); and finally, near the road, I saw the places of two blind men from the gospel, who with their sight prefigured the sacraments of both people who believe in the Lord (Matthew 20.30–34). Entering Jericho, she examined this city, about which it is said: “On his firstborn he will lay its foundation, and on his youngest he will erect its gates” (Joshua 6.25). I saw the Gilgal camp, and the hill of extreme circumcision, and the sacrament of the second circumcision (Joshua 5.2-3), and the twelve stones carried from the bottom of the Jordan, which typified the foundations of the twelve apostles, and the source of the law, once bitter and meager, but which was made pleasant and abundant by the wisdom of the true Elisha (2 Kings 2.21). As soon as the night had passed, Paul, in the strongest heat of faith, hurried to the Jordan. She stopped on the bank of the river and, when the sun rose, she remembered the sun of righteousness (Mal 4.2) and how once in the middle of this river the unwetted feet of a priest stood at the bottom, how, by the command of Elijah and Elisha, when the waters parted on both sides, the wave served as a path (2 Kings 2.8), and how the Lord, with his baptism, cleansed the waters defiled by the flood and stained by the killing of the entire race human. It would take a long time if I wanted to talk about Emek Achor, i.e. the valley of anxiety or anxiety, in which predation and greed are condemned (Joshua 7.26), and about Bethel, the house of God, where on the bare ground Jacob slept naked and poor, placing a stone under his head, which, according to Zechariah’s description, had seven eyes (Zechariah 3.9), and in Isaiah is called the cornerstone (Isaiah 28.16), - and Paul saw a ladder ascending to heaven, at the top of which the Lord established himself, stretching out his hand to those who ascend and casting down from the heights the careless (Gen. 28.12). From Mount Ephraim, Paula paid tribute to the tombs of Joshua, the son of Nun, and Eleazar, the son of Aaron the high priest, of which the first was buried in Timnath-sarai, north of Mount Gaasha (Joshua 24.30), and the other in Gibeath, the possession of her son Phinehas (Joshua 24.33), and was much surprised that the divider of the domains chose mountainous and barren ones. She passed through Shechem, which many mistakenly call Sychar, and which is now called Naples; visited the church built on the slope of Mount Garizin near the well of Jacob, where the Lord, tormented by thirst and hunger, sat and was nourished by the faith of a Samaritan woman, who, having parted with five husbands, that is, the five books of Moses, and having a sixth - this is the delusion of Dositheus - found the true Messiah and the true Savior (John 4.5 ff.). Turning from here, Paul saw the tombs of the twelve patriarchs, Sebastia, that is, Samaria, which Herod, in honor of Augustus, called by a Greek word equivalent to Augustia. The prophets Elisha and Obadiah and John the Baptist (who was no longer among those born of wives) were buried there. There she was amazed and shocked by many oddities: for she saw how demons made fun of various human torments, how people in front of the tombs of saints howled like wolves, and barked like dogs, roared like lions, hissed like snakes, mooed like oxen, and others turned on their heads and touched the ground over their backs... She felt sorry for everyone, and shed tears for everyone, begging at the same time, Christ is about mercy. And here, despite her exhaustion, she still climbed on foot to the mountain, in two caves of which the prophet Obadiah fed a hundred prophets with bread and water during persecution and famine. From there she hastily continued her journey through Nazareth, the place of the Lord’s upbringing, Cana and Capernaum, which were witnesses of His miracles; through Lake Tiberias, sanctified by the voyage of the Lord, and the desert, where many thousands of people were fed with a few loaves of bread and the baskets of the twelve tribes of Israel were filled with the remains of those who were fed. She climbed Mount Tabor, on which the Lord was transfigured. I saw in the distance the mountains Hermon and Hermonim and the vast fields of Galilee, where Sisera, defeated by Barak, fell with his entire army. She was shown the stream Kison, dividing this plain into two equal parts, and not far from there the city of Nain, where the son of a widow was resurrected (Luke 7.11). But the day will end sooner than my speech if I survey all the places where the venerable Paula wandered, inspired by incredible faith. I will go to Egypt and stop for a while at Succoth and at the spring of Samson, which came out of the jaw ulcer (Judges 15.19); I will wash my tanned face in it so that, refreshed, I can look at Morasthim, once the tomb of the prophet Micah, now a church, and, leaving aside Horreos and Getheos, Maresa, Idumea and Lachish, I will walk along the shifting sands that hide the traces of travelers, and through the vast expanse of the desert to the Egyptian river Sior, which means stormy. I will walk through the five cities of Egypt that speak the Canaanite language, through the land of Goshen, through the field of Taneos, in which God “worked wonders” (Ps 77.12); I will visit the city of No, which was later turned into Alexandria, and the city of the Lord Nitria, where the purest saltpeter of virtues cleanses the impurities of many every day. When Paul here saw the holy and venerable Bishop Isidore the Confessor coming out to her, accompanied by a countless host of monks, many of whom, moreover, were elevated to the priestly and Levitical ranks, although she rejoiced at the glory of God, at the same time she considered herself unworthy of such an honor. Should I talk about Macarii, Arseniy, Serapion and other pillars of Christ? Whose cell did she not enter? Which one of them did not fall at the feet of? Confident that she saw Christ in the face of every saint, she rejoiced that everything she did for them was done for the Lord himself. Having departed from Pelusa to Maiuma by water, due to the very intense heat, she returned to Jerusalem with such speed, as if she were flying on wings. A little later, with the firm intention of remaining forever in holy Bethlehem, she took refuge in a small inn, where she lived for three years while she built cells and monasteries and inns for wanderers on the road on which Mary and Joseph did not find shelter for themselves. Pavla’s journey has been described so far, which she made together with many girls and her daughter. Now there will be a more extensive description of her virtue, which actually belongs to her, and in depicting which I do not add anything, I do not exaggerate anything, following the example of those who write laudatory speeches, but I even subtract a lot so that my story does not seem beyond all probability. Humility is the first virtue of Christians - and Paul humbled herself so much that anyone who had not seen her and imagined her in a form befitting her famous name, looking at her, would not have believed that it was she herself, and not the last of the servants. And when she was surrounded by a numerous host of maidens, she seemed the least of all, both in clothes, and in voice, and in manners, and in gait. After the death of her husband and until the very day of her dormition, she never sat at a meal with any man, even if it was a man known to her for his holiness and holding the rank of high priest. I never went to the baths, except in case of danger to my life. She did not have a soft bed even at a time when she suffered from severe fever; but she rested on the hardest earth, covered only with hair shirts, if you can call the days and nights that she spent in sighs and prayers, fulfilling the words of the psalmist: “every night I wash my bed, I wet my bed with my tears” (Ps 6.7). One might have thought that her eyes were nothing more than sources of tears; one might have considered her guilty of some most terrible crimes: so she mourned her small sins. And when we, which happened often, admonished her to take care of her eyes and save them for reading the Gospel, she said: “I need to wear out this face, which, contrary to the commandment of God, I often painted with rouge and whitewash. It is necessary to depress the body, which has enjoyed many pleasures. Long-term laughter must be paid for with incessant crying. It’s time to replace soft fabrics and the most precious silk dresses with harsh hair shirt. I, who previously tried to please my husband and the world, now desire to please Christ.” If, among so many and such great virtues of hers, I decided to praise her chastity, it might seem unnecessary, for even when she was still a secular woman, she served in this regard as a model for all Roman noble wives. She behaved in such a way that even those who practice slander as a profession never dared to come up with anything slanderous about her. There was no heart more tender than hers, there was no one more affable than her in dealing with inferiors. She did not look for the strong - and, however, she did not show contempt or annoyance when meeting with the proud and those seeking insignificant fame. If she saw a poor person, she helped him, and she exhorted the rich person to give to charity. Her generosity alone went beyond limits: when she did not have enough money of her own for alms, she even borrowed it from moneylenders at interest. I confess my guilt: when her generosity was exorbitant, I denounced her, citing the following passage from the Apostle: “It is not required that there be relief for others and heaviness for you, but that there be evenness. Now your abundance is to make up for their lack; and then their abundance to make up for your lack” (2 Cor 8.13–14); and another - from the Gospel of the Savior: “he who has two coats, give to the poor” (Luke 3.11); and asked her to take care not to bring herself to the point of being unable to always do what she so willingly does. Adding to these admonitions and many other similar ones. But she resolved all my arguments with amazing modesty and in the briefest words, calling God as a witness that she does everything in His name, that she vowed to die a beggar, so that they would put her in someone else’s clothes in the coffin. Finally, she added: “If I am forced to beg for alms, I will find many who will give it to me; and if this beggar does not receive from me what I can give him, even if he himself borrows from others, and dies: from whom will his soul be exacted?” Many noble women are in the habit of lavishing gifts on those who spread good fame about them, and, having poured out their generosity on a few, withdraw their hand from others. Pavla did not have this weakness at all. For she gave her money to everyone, as much as he needed, not for luxuries, but for necessities. Not a single poor man left her empty-handed. And this did not burden her, not because of the enormity of her wealth; but thanks to wise management. She always repeated the following words: “blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy” (Matthew 5.7); “Water will quench the flame of fire, and alms will cleanse sins” (Sir 3.30); “Make friends for yourself with unrighteous wealth, so that when you become poor, they will receive you into eternal abodes” (Luke 16.9); “It is better to give alms from what you have, then everything will be pure for you” (Luke 11.41), and the words of Daniel, who advised King Nebuchadnezzar: “atone for your sins with righteousness and for your iniquities with mercy towards the poor” (Dan 4.24). She did not want to waste money on stones that would pass away with the earth and the age, but thought about those living stones that are above the earth, from which in the Apocalypse of John the city of the great king is built and which, according to Scripture, should turn into sapphire, emerald, jasper and other precious stones (Rev 21.19 ff.). But these good qualities can only be shared by her with a few other people; and the devil, knowing that they do not yet constitute the pinnacle of virtues, speaks to the Lord, after all of Job’s property has been lost, the house has been overthrown, the children have been killed. “Skin for skin, and for his life a man will give everything he has; But stretch out Your hand and touch... his flesh, will he bless You? (Job 2.4–5). We know many who gave alms, but gave nothing from their own bodies; they extended their hand to the poor, while they themselves bowed to the pleasures of the flesh; decorated what was outside, but inside were “full of the bones of the dead and all uncleanness” (Matthew 23.27). But this is not the case with Paul, whose abstinence exceeded almost the proper measure, and who exhausted her weak body with excessive fasting and labor. She, excluding holidays, added almost no oil to her food. From this alone one can already judge how she looked at wine and drinks, at fish, honey, eggs and other things pleasant to the taste, content with which, others think that they are the most temperate of people, even if they filled their bellies with them to the point of losing all decency. Virtue is always followed by envy; Lightning strikes the high mountains. It should not be surprising if I say this about people, when our Lord himself was crucified through the envy of the Pharisees, and all the holy men had envious people; Even in paradise there was a serpent, through whose envy death entered the world. The Lord also allowed Ader the Edomite against Paula (1 Kings 11.14), who humiliated her, so that he would not become arrogant, and, as if by some wounding of the body, bothered her, so that she would not be forgotten in the greatness of her virtues and may not imagine that she had placed herself far above the weakness of other women. I advised her to give in to anger and give way to madness, as Jacob did with his brother Esau and David with his most implacable enemy Saul, of whom the first fled to Mesopotamia, and the other betrayed himself to foreigners, wanting better to be in the hands of enemies than in the hands of an envious person. But she answered: “Your words would be true if the devil did not attack God’s men and women everywhere and warn those fleeing in all places, if love for holy places did not hold me back and if I could find my Bethlehem in some other part of the world. And why shouldn’t I overcome anger with patience? Why not crush my pride with humiliation, and turn the other to the one who hits me on the cheek” (Luke 6.29)? The Apostle Paul says: “overcome evil with good” (Rom 12.21). Didn't the apostles boast when they suffered reproach for the Lord? And didn’t the Savior himself humble himself, “taking on the form of a servant... and... becoming obedient to the Father even to the point of death, even death on the cross” (Phil 2.7–8) in order to save us through his suffering? Job, if he had not fought and emerged victorious from the struggle, would not have received the crown of righteousness, would not have heard from the Lord: “Do you want to overthrow My judgment, accuse Me in order to justify yourself?” (Job 40.3). In the Gospel, “those who were persecuted for righteousness’ sake” are called blessed (Matthew 5.10). But it should be reassuring to know that we are not suffering for our sins and that the sorrows of the present age are the subject of future rewards.” When Paula’s enemy became too insolent, to the point that he indulged in abusive words, she sang the following from the Psalter: “As long as the wicked was before me, I was dumb and dumb, and kept silent even about good things” (Ps 38.2–3), and also: “But I am like a deaf man who does not hear, and like a dumb man who does not open his mouth; and I became like a man who does not hear and has no words in his mouth.” answer" (Ps 37.14-15). In temptation, she repeated the words of Deuteronomy: “The Lord your God is testing you to find out whether you love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul” (Deut. 13.3). In sorrow and doubt, she repeated the saying of Isaiah: “those weaned from breast milk, weaned from their mother’s breasts? For everything is precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little and there a little. Therefore they will speak to this people with babbling lips and in a foreign tongue” (Isaiah 28.9-11). And to console herself, she discovered in this testimony of Scripture such a meaning that those who have reached mature age should generously endure sorrow after sorrow in order to be worthy to receive hope after hope, “knowing that from tribulation comes patience, from patience experience, from experience hope, and hope does not put you to shame” (Rom 5.3-5). And if our outer man decays, then the inner man will be renewed: “For our momentary light affliction produces eternal glory in an exceeding abundance, when we look not at what is seen, but at what is unseen: for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor 4.17-18). And not much time will pass, although it seems long for human impatience, when suddenly the help of the Lord will appear, saying: “In an acceptable time I heard you and on the day of salvation I helped you” (2 Cor 6.2). We should not be afraid of the offensive lips and tongues of the wicked, like our Lord, and we should listen to Him speaking through the prophet: “Do not be afraid of the reproach of people, and do not be afraid of their slander. For moth eats them up like clothing” (Isaiah 51.7–8); “Through your patience save your souls” (Luke 21.19); “The sufferings of this present time are not worth anything in comparison with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Rom 8.18); and in another place: “accept whatever befalls you willingly, and be patient in the vicissitudes of your humiliation” (Sir 2.4). “A quick-tempered person can do foolish things” (Proverbs 14.17); the wise man endures much. In her illnesses and frequent exhaustion, Paul said: “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor 12.10); “But we carry this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the exceeding power may be attributed to God and not to us” (2 Cor 4.7); and again: “For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, our consolation also abounds through Christ” (2 Cor 1.5); and then: “you share both in our suffering and in our consolation” (2 Cor 1.7). In sorrow she sang: why are you depressed, my soul, and why are you embarrassed? Trust in God, “for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God” (Ps 42.5). In danger she said: “If anyone wants to come after Me, deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me” (Luke 9.23); and also: “Whoever wants to save his soul will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake and the Gospel’s sake will save it” (Mk 8.35). When they informed her about the destruction of her estate and paternal inheritance, she uttered the following words: “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul? Or what ransom will a man give for his soul?” (Matthew 16.26). Naked I came from my mother's womb, naked I return. “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; ...blessed be the name of the Lord!” (Job 1.21); and such: do not love the world, nor the things in the world: for everything that is in the world: “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, is not from the Father, but from this world. And the world is passing away, and so is its lust” (1 John 2.15–17). I know how one earphone (this kind of people is the most disastrous), pretending to be a well-wisher, told her that, due to the excessive ardor of her piety, to some she seemed out of her mind. But she answered him: “We have become a disgrace to the world, to angels and men” (1 Cor 4.9); “we are fools for Christ’s sake” (1 Cor 4.10), but “the foolish things of God are wiser than men” (1 Cor 1.25); therefore the Savior says to the Father: “You know my madness” (Ps 68.6); and again: “For many I was like a wonder, but You are my sure hope” (Ps 70.7). And the Gospel says about Him that His neighbors also wanted to take Him: “for they said that He had lost His temper” (Mark 3.21); and his enemies told Him right to his face that “You are a Samaritan and that you have a demon” (John 8.48), and that “he does not cast out demons except by the power of Beelzebub, the prince of demons” (Matthew 12.24). But we will listen to the admonitions of the Apostle: “This praise of ours is the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not by carnal wisdom, but by the grace of God, we lived in the world” (2 Cor 1.12), and the words of the Lord spoken to the apostles: if you were of the world, the world would love its own; “Because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you” (John 15.19). Then she turned her speech to the Lord himself: “All this has come upon us; but we have not forgotten You, nor have we broken Your covenant. Our heart did not retreat back. But for Your sake they kill us every day; they count us as sheep doomed to the slaughter.” But the Lord is my helper, and I will not be afraid of what man does to me (Ps. 43.18ff.). For I read in the Scripture: “My son! Honor the Lord, and you will be strong: fear no one else besides Him” (Proverbs 7.1). With these and similar testimonies, as a weapon of God, she strengthened herself both against all vices, and especially against restless envy and with the patience of insults she tamed the impulses of her heart. Finally, even until the very day of death, her patience and that envy of others that gnaws at its own master and, trying to harm a rival, rages against itself, extended. I will also talk about the order of the monastery in order to show how she turned the abstinence of the saints to her advantage. She sowed bodily things in order to reap spiritual things (1 Cor. 9.11), gave away earthly things in order to acquire heavenly things, and gave up what was transitory in order to replace them with the eternal. Having founded a monastery, which she handed over to men for management, she gathered many girls from different regions, both noble and from the middle and lower classes, and divided them into three monasteries, but in such a way that, while separated in work and food, they were united in psalmody and prayer. After the hallelujah was sung (with this sign they were called to the meeting), not one was allowed to remain in their cell. But the eldest or one of the elders, with her appearance, completed the arrival of the others and exhorted them to work not with threats, but with shame and example. In the morning at three, six, nine, and at midnight they sang psalms in harmony. Not one of the sisters was allowed not to know the psalms and not to learn something from the Holy Scriptures daily. Only on Sunday did they converge in a solemn procession to the common church from their separate monasteries: in this case, each detachment followed its mother. In the same order, they returned to their home, where they diligently took up the work assigned to each, and sewed clothes either for themselves or for others. If she was of a noble family, she was not allowed to keep with her anyone from her house, lest, recalling her past life, they would refresh and renew in their memory the former pranks of their playful youth. They all had the same clothes. They used white linen only for wiping their hands. Paul extended their separation from men to the extent that she did not allow eunuchs to approach them, so as not to provide any food for the slanderous tongue, which usually finds consolation for itself, with the awareness of its sinfulness, in the reproach of the saints. If someone came later than others to psalmody or was lazy at work, Paula tried to correct her in various ways: irritable - with affection, patient - with punishments, imitating the Apostle who said: “What do you want? shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of meekness?” (1 Cor 4.21). She did not allow anyone to have anything other than food and clothing, according to the words of Paul: “Having food and clothing, we will be content with that” (1 Timothy 6.8), so that the habit of having more would not give room to covetousness, which is not satisfied with any riches, but the more it has, the more it will demand, and is not weakened by either abundance or poverty. She reconciled those who quarreled with each other with the meekest speech. She subdued the lustful flesh of the young women with frequent and prolonged fasts, wanting to oppress their stomach rather than their soul. If she saw someone too carefully dressed, she denounced the erring one, frowning her brow, taking on a sad look and saying: “Excessive cleanliness of body and clothing is a sign of impurity of the soul, just as foul language, which should never come from virgin lips, exposes a lustful heart; for all such signs reveal the inner life of a person.” The girl, noticed in talkativeness, idle talk, impudence and grumpiness and not wanting to correct herself, despite all the admonitions, she condemned to pray at the door of the dining room, behind all the sisters, and to eat separately from them, so that, thus, shame would bring to reason the one whom reproaches could not bring to reason. She abhorred theft as sacrilege. She said that liberties, considered unimportant and insignificant among worldly people, constitute the gravest crime in monasteries. Is it necessary to mention her tenderness and caring attitude towards the sick, whom she surrounded with amazing care? But, while she generously provided everyone with everything during her illness and even allowed them to eat meat, she did not indulge herself in anything when she was overcome by any illness; and in this only she was not equally kind, that, being merciful to others, she was cruel to herself. Not one of the youngest girls, with a healthy and strong body, condemned herself to such abstinence as she condemned herself to with her decrepit, senile and emaciated body. And, I admit, no one could be more stubborn than her in this regard, that is, so that she would cut herself some slack or yield to someone’s advice. I'll tell you what I experienced myself. In the month of July, she fell into a fever due to extreme heat, and they already despaired of her recovery; but, by the grace of God, she began to recover. Then the doctors, to refresh her body, convinced her to drink a little light wine, so that the water would not turn her illness into water fever. And I secretly asked blessed Pope Epiphanius to win her over and even force her to drink wine; but she, like a wise and insightful woman, immediately comprehended our tricks and declared with a smile that what Epiphanius told her was my business. What else can I say after this? When the blessed high priest, after many admonitions, left her room, I asked him whether he had succeeded in his enterprise? “I managed so much that she almost convinced me, an old man, not to drink wine.” I am not telling this in order to recklessly approve of hardships that exceed one’s strength; for Scripture does not command us to take on burdens beyond our strength (Rev 2.24) - but only to show that zeal and thirst of her faithful soul, for which she constantly sang: “My soul thirsts for God” (Ps 41.3), and no less so does my flesh. Paul, who had such a stubborn contempt for food, was sensitive to the deplorable and greatly lamented the death of her neighbors, especially children. For at the death of her husband and daughters, she was repeatedly in danger of losing her life: marking her face and womb with a cross with the intention of comforting her maternal grief with the imprint of the cross, she was still overcome by love; the believing heart was conquered by the womb, and the victorious spirit retreated before the weakness of the body. And once the sadness she felt usually turned into a long-lasting sadness, which caused us a lot of anxiety and even more harm to her. In this case, her only consolation was to repeat every minute: “Poor man I am! who will deliver me from this body of death? (Rom 7.24). Some readers will say that instead of praise, I write censure. I am testified by Jesus, whom she served and I wish to serve, that I do not think at all about one or the other, but speak only the real truth, as a Christian about a Christian woman; that is, I am writing a story, not a speech of praise, and I am touching on her vices, which in other people would seem virtues. I touch on the vices both at my own, insignificant of course, desire, and at the request of all the sisters and brothers who loved her and would like to return her from the grave. But be that as it may, she finished her course, kept the faith, and is now adorned with the crown of righteousness (2 Tim 4.7–8), and follows the Lamb wherever He goes (Rev 14.4), is satisfied because she was hungry (Matt 5.6), and joyfully sings: “As we heard, so we saw in the city of the Lord of hosts, in the city of our God” (Ps 47.9). O blessed use of things! She cried so that she could always laugh (Matthew 5.4). She despised broken treasures in order to find a source in the Lord. She dressed herself in sackcloth, so that now she could wear white clothes and say: “He has taken off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness” (Ps 29:12); “I eat ashes like bread, and I dissolve my drink with tears” (Ps 101.10); “My tears were bread for me day and night” (Ps. 41.4) - so that I could feed on the bread of angels and cry out: “Taste and see how good the Lord is!” (Ps 33.9), - a good word poured out from my heart; “I say: I have my song for the King” (Ps 44.2) - to sing the fulfillment of the words of Isaiah, or better of the Lord himself, who spoke through Isaiah: “My servants will eat, but you will hunger; My servants will drink, and you will be thirsty; My servants will rejoice, and you will be in shame; My servants will sing with heartfelt joy, and you will scream with heartfelt sorrow and weep with contrition of spirit" (Isaiah 65.13–14). I said that she always despised broken treasures in order to find a source in the Lord, in order to joyfully sing: “As a deer strives for streams of water, so my soul longs for You, O God! ... When will I come and appear before the face of God” (Ps 41.2-3)? Let me now touch, at least slightly, on how she avoided the muddy treasures of heretics, considering them no better than the pagans. One notorious cunning man, and, as it seemed to him, a scientist and knowledgeable, began, without my knowledge, to ask her the following questions: what did the child sin that made him fall into the hands of the devil? At what age will we be resurrected? If in the very same place in which we die, then of course after the resurrection there will still be a need for nurses? If not, then there will be no resurrection of the dead at all, but a transformation into another person? Will there be an equal difference in gender, male and female, or not? If so, will marriage, the matrimonial bed, and childbearing also follow? If not, then the same bodies will not be resurrected, since the difference between sexes will be destroyed? For the earthly abode (body) is burdensome for the mind of a man who thinks many things; but the bodies will be subtle and spiritual, according to the apostle: “the natural body is sown, the spiritual body is raised” (1 Cor 15.44). With all this he wanted to prove that rational creatures, spirits, are reduced by God to bodies for some vices, since the Savior himself humbled himself, taking the form of a slave; and that they are born on earth in one or another state, depending on the varying severity of their previous sins, in order to either enjoy physical health, nobility, and the wealth of their parents, or, appearing on earth in sick bodies and in the houses of the poor, to suffer punishment for previous crimes and to be imprisoned in the present age and bodies, as in a prison. Having heard such speeches, she passed them on to me and pointed to the one who spoke so. I needed to arm myself against the wicked snake and the deadly beast, which the psalmist mentions, saying: “Do not deliver to the beasts the soul that confesses to You (Ps 73.19); also: “tame the beast in the reeds” (Ps. 67.31), - who, having written wickedness, speak lies against the Lord and lift up their lips on high. I found this man and, through the prayers of the one whom he tried to seduce, I put him to shame with the following few questions: does he believe in the future resurrection of the dead or not? When he answered that he believed, I added: will the same bodies be resurrected, or different ones? When he said: the same, I demanded to finish: in the same field or in another? But since at the same time he fell silent and, like a snake, turned his head this way and that to avoid the blow, be silent, I say, I will answer myself instead of you and draw my conclusions. If a woman is not raised as a woman, nor a man as a man, then there will be no resurrection of the dead; because the sex has members, and the whole body consists of members. If there are no sexes and members, then where will the resurrection of bodies be, which cannot exist without sex and members? Further, if there is no resurrection of bodies, then there will be no resurrection of the dead. As for your objection that if there are the same bodies, marital relations must follow them; then it is also resolved by the Savior this way: “You are mistaken, not knowing the Scriptures or the power of God; For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but remain as the angels of God in heaven” (Matthew 22.29–30). As they quickly say - they neither marry nor encroach, then this already indicates the difference between the sexes. For no one says about stone and wood that they do not marry, do not encroach, when nature has not given them the ability to marry: but this is said about those who could marry, but, by the grace and power of Christ, will not marry. If you object: how can we be like angels, when among the angels there is neither a man nor a woman, then listen to the following: the Lord promises us not an angelic being, but life and bliss, just as John the Baptist was called an angel before his beheading, and how all the saints and virgins of God even in this century represented the life of angels. For when it is said: You will be like angels; then this promises only likeness to the angels, and not a change in nature. Answer me again, how do you interpret the fact that Thomas put his fingers into the wounds from the nails of the Risen One and saw His pierced side (John 20.25), and Peter saw the Lord standing on the shore and eating part of a baked fish and a honeycomb from bees (John 21.4 ff., Luke 24.42). Whoever stood, no doubt had legs; whoever showed himself a perforated rib, of course had both a belly and a chest, without which it is impossible to imagine the ribs connected to them. He who spoke spoke with his tongue, with the help of the palate and teeth: for just as the bow plays on the strings, so the tongue plays on the teeth and makes the sound a vowel. Those who had tangible hands also had muscles. If it is recognized that He had all members, then it will be necessary for Him to have a whole body, which is made up of members, and, moreover, the body is not female, but male, that is, of the sex in which He died. Perhaps you will say: therefore, we will eat after the resurrection? And how did Christ enter into the closed doors (John 20.19)? This is contrary to the nature of elastic and solid bodies. But listen, don't trample on your faith in the resurrection because of food. For Christ commanded that the resurrected daughter of the arch-synagogue should be given food (Mark 5.43); and Lazarus, who died four days ago, shared with Him, it is written, supper (John 12.1–2), so that their resurrection would not be considered a ghost. If, from the fact that Christ entered the closed doors, you will prove the spirituality and ethereality of the body; this means that He had the same spiritual body before suffering: because, contrary to the nature of heavy bodies, He walked on the sea (Matthew 14.26). Therefore, one must think that the Apostle Peter, who also, although with trembling feet, walked on top of the water, had a spiritual body. This is how the power and strength of God are most revealed when something is done beyond nature. And in order for you to be convinced that the greatness of the signs does not express a change in nature, but the omnipotence of God, look: the one who walked on the water by faith, from unbelief had already begun to sink and would have drowned if the hand of the Lord had not raised him up, saying: “You of little faith! Why did you doubt? (Matthew 14.31). I also marvel at the hardness of your heart when the Lord says: put your finger here and look at my hands; give me your hand and place it in my ribs; “And do not be an unbeliever, but a believer” (John 20.27). And in another place: “Look at My hands and at My feet; it is I Myself; touch me and examine me; for a spirit does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have. And having said this, he showed them his hands and feet” (Luke 24.39–40). You hear about bones and flesh, about legs and arms - and you still rave about the spheres of the Stoics and some kind of airy ghosts. Further, if you ask why a baby will fall into the hands of the devil when he has no sins, or at what age we will be resurrected, because we die at different ages; then you will hear in response, although you don’t like it, that the judgments of God are many in the abyss: “Oh, the abyss of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! how incomprehensible are His destinies and unsearchable His ways. For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who was His adviser?” (Rom 11.33–34). The difference in age does not change the essence of bodies. For otherwise, with the daily evaporation, increase and decrease of our bodies, we would be completely different people as many times as we change every day; in other words, I was different when I was ten years old, different when I was thirty, different when I was fifty, different when my whole head had already turned white. So, according to the traditions of the churches and according to the Apostle Paul, it is necessary to answer that we will be resurrected into a perfect man and, to the extent of the age of the fulfillment of Christ, at the age at which, as the Jews think, Adam was created and, as we read in the Gospel, the Lord Savior was resurrected. And I said many things from both Testaments to the shame of the heretic. From that day Paul began to so turn away from this man and all those who held the same teaching that she openly declared them enemies of the Lord. I spoke about this here not because I found these few words to be a sufficient refutation of the heresy, which should have been answered in many volumes, but only to show the faith of the great wife, who wanted better to constantly incur the enmity of people than to arouse the wrath of God through harmful friendly relations. I will add that I started above. She was slow to speak, quick to hear (James 1.19), remembering this commandment: “Listen to me: be silent” (Job 33.33). She repeated the Holy Scriptures by heart. And although she loved history (the historical meaning of Scripture) and called it the foundation of truth, more, however, she followed the spiritual meaning and with this roof completed the building of the soul. And finally, she made me read the Old and New Testaments to her and her daughter with an explanation. Out of shyness, I refused this, but because of her persistent and repeated requests, I began, however, to teach her what I myself had been taught not by myself, that is, not by my own fortune-telling (this is the worst teacher), but by famous men of the Church. When I did not know what to say to explain a difficult point, and sincerely admitted to her my ignorance, she did not want to be satisfied with this, but relentlessly forced me to show her, from many and different opinions, the one that seemed more plausible to me. I’ll say something else that may seem incredible to envious people. She wanted to learn the Hebrew language, which I studied partly from a young age, but with much difficulty and sweat, and since then with tireless meditation I have not left it to this day, so that it does not leave me. And Paul succeeded in this in such a way that she sang psalms in Hebrew and pronounced Hebrew words without any admixture of Latin accent. The same thing, however, we still see now in her holy daughter Eustochia, who was always attached to her mother and obeyed her will to the point that she never lay down, walked, or took food without her; she did not have a single half-ruble in her power; but she rejoiced that her father’s and mother’s property was wasted on the poor, and she considered piety to be the best wealth and parental heritage. I cannot pass over in silence the great joy with which Pavla was delighted when she heard that her granddaughter Pavla, the daughter of Leta and Toxocia, conceived by a vow to dedicate her to virginity, was already in the cradle and in swaddling clothes, singing hallelujah in a babbling tongue and in half words breaking the names of her grandmother and aunt. That one desire tied Paula to her fatherland, to make sure that her son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter renounced the world and served Christ, which was partially fulfilled. For the granddaughter is preparing for the veil of Christ, for monastic life; the daughter-in-law, who has condemned herself to eternal chastity, imitates the example of her mother-in-law through faith and alms and in Rome tries to reproduce what she did in Jerusalem... But why are you embarrassed, my soul? Why are you afraid to proceed to her death? For a long time now, my word has gone beyond its limits, and all because we are afraid to proceed to the last, as if, by remaining silent about this and spreading praises about Paul, we can slow down her death. Until now we had sailed with favorable winds, and our ship, quietly swaying, cut through the wavy waters of the sea. Now our word has run up against underwater rocks, and the attacks of angry waves threaten you and me with shipwreck, so that we are forced to cry out: “Lord! save us, we are perishing!” (Matthew 8.25), “Awake, O Lord, that thou sleepest!” (Ps 43:24). For who could tell the story of how Paul died without tears? She fell into the most severe illness, or better said, she waited for what she so ardently desired: to leave us and unite more fully with the Lord. In this illness, Eustochia's constant love for her mother was revealed to everyone much more clearly than ever. She was constantly at the sick bed, fanning her with a fan, supporting her head, putting a pillow on her, rubbing her feet, stroking her whole body with her hand, softening her bed, cooling her hot drink, bringing her a handkerchief - in a word, she prevented the worries of all the maids and, if others managed to do anything, she considered it a theft from her reward. How fervently she prayed, how many tears she shed at the manger of the Lord, tearing herself away from her mother’s bed! How many sighs she raised to Him, may he not deprive her of such cohabitation, or may he not allow her to remain on earth after her mother, may they carry her on the same bed to the grave!.. Oh, how weak and yet easily destructible is the nature of mortals! And if only faith in Christ had not lifted us into heaven and the soul had not been promised eternity, then the fate of our bodies would have been the same as that of animals and livestock. There would be one end for both the righteous and the wicked, the good and the evil, the pure and the unclean, the one who sacrifices and the one who does not; both the good and the sinner; both the one who swears and the one who fears an oath (Eccl. 9.2). Both people and animals alike would turn to dust and ashes! But why do I hesitate for a long time and, by prolonging my speech, only increase my sorrow? Finally, the most insightful of the wives already felt the approach of her death, and when one part of the body and limbs began to grow cold and only the last rays of life were still trembling in the holy chest, Paul, as if going to her own people and leaving strangers, barely clearly repeated the following verses: “Lord! I have loved the habitation of Your house and the place of the dwelling of Your glory" (Ps 25.8); “How desirable are Your dwellings, O Lord of hosts! My soul is weary, longing for the courts of the Lord” (Ps 83.2–3); “I would rather be at the threshold of the house of God than to live in the tents of wickedness” (Ps 83:11). When after that I asked her why she was silent, why she didn’t want to answer us, if she felt any suffering; She replied in Greek that she did not feel any sorrow, but felt peace and tranquility in everything. Then she didn’t tell us anything else; but, closing her eyes, as if in contempt for perishable things, she still, until the very end of her soul, repeated the previous verses, however, in such a way that one could hardly hear what she was saying; at the same time she made the sign of the cross over her lips. Finally, breathing began to weaken and become interrupted; but the soul, expelled from the body, seemed to transform into praises of the Lord the very snoring that ends the life of mortals. Present were the bishops of Jerusalem and other cities, the lower priests, and countless Levites. The entire monastery was filled with virgins and monks. While singing sacred songs, it seemed that we heard the Bridegroom calling to her: “Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one, come out! Winter has already passed; the rain has passed and stopped” (Song 2.10–11); and she joyfully answered: flowers have appeared on earth, the time for circumcision has come. “But I believe that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Ps 26:13). That is why neither crying nor sobbing was heard, as usually happens among worldly people; but only psalms were sung in different languages. The bishops carried her coffin with their own hands, while other clergy walked ahead with lamps and candles, and some sang psalms in a harmonious choir. And it is placed in the middle church of the Savior’s nativity scene. Countless crowds of people from all Palestinian cities flocked to her burial. Which of the monks hiding in the desert remained in their cave at that time? Which virgin was kept in her secret cell? It was considered sacrilege not to pay the last debt to such a holy wife. Widows and beggars, following the example of Dorcade, showed the dress they had received from her. The whole multitude of poor people exclaimed that in her they had lost their mother and nurse. It was worthy of surprise that the pallor did not change her face, which, on the contrary, was filled with such dignity and importance that she seemed not dead, but asleep. The psalms were sung in order in Hebrew, Greek, Latin and Syriac, not only in those three days until she was buried under the church near the manger of the Lord, but throughout the entire week. It seemed to everyone who came to this burial that this was their own burial, their own disaster. The venerable Eustochia, like a baby from its mother's breasts, could not tear itself away from its parent, kissed her eyes, pressed herself to her face, hugged her whole body and wanted to be buried with her. But now Paul is already enjoying blessings, but the eye has not seen them, “the ear has not heard, and they have not entered into the heart of man” (1 Cor 2.9); and we might rather seem envious of her glory if we began to complain about her who already reigns. Be comforted, Eustochia: a great inheritance has been bequeathed to you. Your part is the Lord, and, what should please you even more, your mother was crowned with long-term martyrdom. For not only the shedding of blood is considered confession, but also the immaculate service of a heart that has dedicated itself to God is martyrdom, and, moreover, daily. That crown is woven from roses and violets, this one from lilies. Your mother, together with Abraham, heard: “Get out of your land, from your kindred and from your father’s house... to the land that I will show you” (Gen. 12.1) - and heeded the Lord speaking through Jeremiah: “Flee from the midst of Babylon and save every man his life” (Jer. 51.6). And until the very day of her death she did not return to Chaldea, she did not desire either the cauldrons of Egypt or juicy meats, but, accompanied by virgin faces, she entered into the citizenship of the Savior and, ascending from little Bethlehem to the Kingdom of Heaven, says to the true Naomi: “Your people will be my people, and your God my God” (Ruth 1.16). Suppressed by the same grief that you are enduring, I recounted this work to the scribes in two nights; and every time I began to improve the syllable and process the work promised to you, my fingers refused to serve, my hand dropped and the meaning was dulled by grief. But in this way, the very rawness of this legend becomes evidence of the heartfelt sorrow of the writer, who composed without caring about the beauty and grace of speech. Forgive Paul, and with your prayers help the final old age of your admirer. Your faith and deeds unite you with Christ, and you will quickly and easily receive from Him what you pray to Him for. You might be interested in: