Древо зимою пред окнами келлии

I spent the winter of 1828 in the monastery of St. Alexander of Svirsky. Before the windows of my cell stood a tree exposed by the frost, like a skeleton exposed by death. Solitude refines feelings, refines thought; their range of action is expanding. Meanwhile, the sea, about which Saint John Climacus says that it must certainly be agitated, was agitated 101. The naked tree served as a consolation for me: it consoled me with the hope of renewal of my soul. “With my voice,” with the voice of my mind, with the voice of my heart, with the voice of my sick body, with the voice of my infirmities, with the voice of my falls, “I cried” (Ps. 142:2): “Lord, hear my prayer” (Ps. 142:1), “attend to my prayer” (Ps. 141:7), which I send up to You from the midst of the battles that shake my mind and heart, from the midst of illnesses that torment and weaken my body, from the midst of many infirmities that encompass my entire existence, from the midst of countless falls with which my life is filled. You who heard Jonah praying in the belly of the whale, hear me crying from the belly of my iniquities, from the belly of hell. From the depths, from the abyss of sins, from the abyss of my cravings and temptations, “I cried to Thee, Lord!” Lord, hear my voice! “Bring my soul out of the prison of passions,” shed grace-filled light into it! (Ps. 142:8). When you shed this light into her, light that is bright and joyful and life-giving, then she will “confess your name” (Ps. 141:8). – Confession acts in the soul, excited by grace, exceeding the mind and drowning it in its indescribable sweetness; he, having descended into the cell of the heart, shutting himself up in it with inattention to everything sensual, pronounces Your name, worships Your name, feeds on Your name, embraces Your name and is embraced by it. Your name, the Word of God and God, makes all other words superfluous for him! “Deliver me from the demonic thoughts and undertakings that persecute me, “for you are strengthened more than me” (Ps. 142:7), more than the will of my soul, more than the comprehension of my mind! “My spirit is depressed within me, my heart is troubled within me” (Ps. 143:4). “The sorrows of death have come upon me, the troubles of hell have come upon me” (Ps. 115:3). God! I do not trust in my strength: my failures teach me to recognize my weakness. You, Lord, are my hope! Then only can I be “in the land of the living” (Ps. 114:8), in the land of Thy holy righteousness, when You, Lord, send down Your grace into my heart, when, having settled in my heart, you will be “part of my heritage” (Ps. 15:5), my only property and treasure! Your holy Angels will rejoice, the faces of those who have pleased You will rejoice, seeing my salvation. “The righteous are waiting for me; until then reward me” (Ps. 142:8) Your mercy is not because of the multitude of my sins, but because of the multitude of Your love for mankind. Amen. Ladder. Word 4, ch. 60. You might be interested in: