Teaching on Family Life

The collection “Teachings on Family Life” is compiled on the basis of numerous works by St. Philaret of Moscow (Drozdov). It consistently reveals the Orthodox vision of the family as a small Church. The work is divided into 3 parts. Part 1 examines marriage as a sacrament, the doctrine of virginity, the blessed birth of children and the mutual responsibilities of spouses. Part 2 outlines the responsibilities of parents in raising children, including religious education, the formation of piety, and the importance of family principles for society and the state. The 3rd part is devoted to the duties of children - honor and obedience to parents, as well as the high value of parental blessing. Contents Preface Part one. Marriage and virginity 1. Marriage is a sacrament, its establishment, property and purpose. 2. The doctrine of virginity. 3. About the blessed birth of children. 4. Responsibilities of spouses. Part two. Responsibilities of parents towards children 5. On the motives for raising children. 6. About the love of parents for children and the initial upbringing of children. 7. The teaching of the Word of God on education. 8. Religious education of children. 9. About piety as the basis for social education: “learned, businesslike, elegant.” Part three. Responsibilities of children to parents 10. About honoring parents and obeying them. 11. High importance of blessing in general and, in particular, parental. 12. The importance of the virtues of family life in relation to society and the state. When you read spiritual books without direction, you are afraid that you will fall into some wrong thoughts and wrong opinions. Your fear is very reasonable. That's why... do not indiscriminately read all sorts of new works, even if they have spiritual content, but of such writers who did not confirm their teachings with the holiness of life, but read the works of such fathers who are recognized by the Orthodox Church as firmly known and without a doubt edifying and soul-saving. (Venerable Ambrose of Optina) Issues of significant importance, which, without a doubt, have a keen interest, for example, about marriage, virginity, relationships between spouses, about the direction in the upbringing and education of children, mutual relations between family members, the importance of family principles for society and the state - are currently being resolved in various ways, sometimes, apparently, on Christian grounds, but far from being in a truly Christian and biblical spirit; and it is clear that one-sided and incorrect views have a harmful effect on life itself. Meanwhile, family principles, consistent with the spirit of biblical Christian teaching, are immeasurably high, pure and perfect; you just need, if possible, to understand, grasp, “correctly understand” their full meaning and beneficialness. And in this regard, it is not useless to become acquainted with the teaching on family life of the great hierarch of our Russian Church, St. Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow. In his numerous works and works, he represents an inexhaustible source for understanding and correct understanding of various issues of theological knowledge. Familiarity with this source gives the right to assert that St. Filaret is as much a great moral teacher as he is a dogmatist, an interpreter of Holy Scripture, a canonist, etc. We can say that there is not a single moral truth that has not been thought through by his bright, brilliant mind. The moral teaching of our famous Master reflects the breadth of biblical views, the height of Christian wisdom, and the depth of theology in the true spirit of the Word of God and the Apostolic Church. It has full significance in the sense that it indicates the integrity of the religious and moral worldview, in which two sides - religious and moral - must be in an inextricable, close connection. “Religious and moral truth,” says St. Filaret, “they are rays of one light: where the first is mixed with error, the last is not pure” 1. Reasonability, subtle analysis, strict logic and an inexorable, heroic sequence of conclusions constitute the features of the saint’s disclosure of moral truths and concepts. The teaching of St. is distinguished by such high virtues and qualities. Philaret and about family life, collected by us into one whole from his various works and offered to the favorable attention of zealots of true enlightenment and Christian piety literally, i.e. in the words of the saint himself: his language is distinguished by high, one might say, inimitable qualities - accuracy, conciseness, expressiveness and artistry. Part one. Marriage and virginity 2 1. Marriage is a sacrament, its establishment, property and purpose. “Marriage is a sacrament in which, with the bride and groom freely promising their mutual marital fidelity before the priest and the Church, their marital union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church, and they are asked for the grace of pure unanimity for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children” 3. Marriage was established by God Himself in paradise. And the Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him... And the Lord God created a wife from a rib taken from a man, and brought her to the man (Gen. 2:18, 22). “The creation of a wife is preceded by the Council of God, just like the creation of a husband, but not so solemn. Now God does not say: let us create, but I will do it. This difference in expressions follows the difference between two councils, one of which contains the general and essential predestination of man, and the other – a particular one, only an addition to the first” 4 . “It was not good for Adam to be alone, probably because, when looking at the animals, he already felt the need for a helper like him (Gen. 2:20).” “The consequence of the review and naming of animals was that for man there was no helper like him. It was not found - more means than - it was not. The first presupposes the concept of seeking, or desire for an object. From this it is clear that the consideration of animals created in pairs led man to the thought of the human pair" ["Whether there was a special intention of God to introduce him to this thought, or whether he entered into it only following the images of the sensory world, Moses does not resolve this question. At least, God is justified in creating a dangerous helper by the fact that man himself invented it." will cleave to his wife; and the two will become one flesh (Gen. 2:24). “Adam pronounced this law immediately after the creation of the wife, of course, not without the Spirit of God, for the Savior Himself points to this very law as the fundamental institution of marriage (Matt. 19:5).” In the above words, “the property of the marital union is explained by comparing it with the natural union between parents and children and it is shown that the former is more inseparable than the latter” [“However, leaving the father and mother and clinging to the wife relates to community life, but does not extend to the love and gratitude of children to their parents. Separation from father and mother is attributed to the husband because the husband, and not the wife, establishes a house and family separate from the parental one” 7]. “Close union.” marriage is expressed even more forcefully by the name one flesh: the created wife is united with the husband in such a union that both constitute one flesh.” 8 “The precise reason of this original and universal law of marriage is such that it excludes polygamy and willful dissolution of marriage, but not virginity and chastity” 9 [“And Lamech took for himself two wives” (Gen. 4:19). polygamy. Lamech's act is condemned not only by the original law of marriage and the high Gospel teaching, but also by the law of Mosaic marriage (Lev. 18:18). True, such imperfection of marriage was tolerable among the patriarchs, but at a time when human life had noticeably shortened, and the faith of the patriarchs and the very vision of God demanded the rapid multiplication of the chosen tribe. We can look at the polygamy of Lamech, in which we do not see such circumstances, except as an action of willfulness or prevailing sensuality” 10. “To excuse Abram for his bigamy (Gen. 16:1-4), one should note: a) that it was offered to him by his wife, and thereby was already removed from any type of intemperance; b) that Sarah’s infertility gave Abram the right to a second marriage, just as Sarah, for the same reason, could communicate her right to Hagar, deciding not to use it herself; c) that their actions are sanctified by the intention of acquiring the promised seed; d) that, finally, if any weaknesses of mortals are already covered by the mercy of the searching heart, then in vain they are condemned by people based on a single appearance” 11]. The Apostle Paul supplements the words of the book of Genesis about the marital union with the following: This is a great mystery: I speak into Christ and into the Church (Eph. 5:31-32). Consequently, “marriage (should) be looked at as a union not only natural, but also spiritual, having its high, mysterious image in the union of Christ with the Church” 12. And “since the Christian marriage union is the sacrament and image of the union of Christ with the Church, there can be only one perfect marriage union, since Christ has only one bride - the Church, and the Church - only one groom, Christ" ["Hence the wisdom of the Orthodox Church lies in the fact that for all Christians it recognizes one marriage as perfect. She allows the second marriage out of condescension towards human weakness, and allows the third reluctantly, with penance as not free from sin, averting with this imperfect deed a greater evil, fornication outside of marriage. Therefore, it is absolutely fair that the marriage of a priest should be one marriage, predominantly perfect, and not the same as among the laity is recognized as imperfection” 13]. “The marital union is important: God has entrusted it with the continuation of the existence of the human race.” Immediately after creation, husband and wife “receive from the Creator the blessing of the multiplication of their kind, according to His intentions, in purity of motives and the joy of love for children” (Gen. 1:28). “By the promise of the multiplication of the race, God gives man the power to produce others like Himself, which is why there is no need to look for another source of human souls other than the soul of the first man. By the same promise, God is the Creator of the most distant descendants of Adam, as well as of himself. And since everyone is born with the ability to give birth, there is no doubt that in Adam the entire human race received this blessing. It was preserved even amid the general curse, for it is deeply implanted in the nature of man" 14 ["The promises of many children should not be taken as a command that imposes the necessary obligation to give birth to children. A similar blessing is given to the dumb (Gen. 1:22), for whom it, of course, is no longer an obligation. But God also speaks His promises as commands: for with authority he calls and brings before their eyes the events of these" 15]. “Therefore, the Word of God recognizes children not so much as the property of their parents, but rather as the property of God: this is the property of the Lord's sons, the wages of the fruit of the womb (Ps. 127:3). What mother could ever say: I will bear fruit? What father could say: I will have a son?.. Conception and birth do not take place without the Providence of God; both are God’s work, God’s gift” 16. So, for spouses “it is considered a blessing and happiness to see their children, like new olive trees, around a meal” (Ps. 127:4, 5) 17. If the Lord, with the commandment - be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth (Gen. 1:28) - “has entrusted to people, as it were, the continuation of His creative action,” then, consequently, in the teaching of those who “completely reject marriage” ... “revolt against marriage more strongly than against what is condemned by the law of marriage, and others are armed against the true laws of marriage not only with false teaching, but also with iron - the features of flattering spirits are clear and teachings of demons" 18. “It is incomprehensible how (such mentors) did not hear and do not hear what a terrible thunder of the apostolic word thunders over their newly invented wisdom and over their heads. Through the mouth of the holy Apostle Paul, the Spirit... clearly says that in the last times some will depart from the faith, heeding spiritual flattery and the teachings of demons, in the hypocrisy of a liar, seared in their conscience, forbidding to marry (1 Tim. 4:1-3). What are the teachers of universal celibacy leading to those who do not have the gift of virginity? Are they not bringing us closer to the abyss of vice and then to the abyss of hell? 19. “Christ the Savior said to the Apostles about celibate life: not all can bear this word, but to them it is given to eat, i.e. not everyone can remain celibate, but only some have the gift of perpetual virginity: he who is able to contain, let him contain (Matthew 19:11, 12)” 20. So everyone “can, with a peaceful conscience, in accordance with the word of Christ, choose what he can accommodate: either holy virginity, or a blessed marriage, without fearing those unblessed teachers who dream of destroying with their commandment the universal blessing of God to people: be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth (Gen. 1:28)” 21. “Virginity is better than marriage if anyone can keep it pure.” “The state of virginity is superior to marriage.” Jesus Christ said about this: not all can receive this word, but to them it has been given to eat... He who is able to receive it, let him receive it (Matthew 19:11, 12). And the Apostle says: I say to the unmarried and to widows: it is good for them if they remain, even as I...he who gives his virgin to marriage does good; and he who does not give it does better (1 Cor. 7:8, 38). 22 “In words - it is not good for a person to be alone (Gen. 2:18) - one should not affirm the necessity of a married state for every person. The creation of a woman could not give the first man a higher perfection than in which he was created before her; and there are circumstances in which it is good for a man not to touch a woman (1 Cor. 7:1)” 23. How did the Old Testament world view virginity, and what is the New Testament teaching about the “excellent dignity of virginity”? “The Old Testament world was jealous of childbearing, and therefore of marriage, striving to give birth to the Savior of the world. He understood and respected virginity so little that virginity, forever alien to marriage, was for him a subject of mourning. The daughter of Jephthah, who was to die without knowing a husband, not only went herself and her friends and wept over her virginity on the mountains, but also after her death from day to day the daughters of Israel went out to weep for the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in the summer (Judges 11:38, 40). The life of John the Baptist and even earlier the life of the prophets Elijah and Elisha are early indications of the dignity of virginity; but even these instructions were not understood at the time, because the Jews more often saw prophets who did not shy away from married life, such as Moses, Samuel and others. There have been men of God from the beginning of the world, but the first Virgin of God is the Most Blessed Mary. In her infant immaculateness, having been dedicated to God for everlasting purity, She became the first, forever unshakable, foundation of angelic life on earth." It is true that there will be neither another incarnation of God the Word, nor another Mother of God, but one should not conclude from this that the virginity of the Most Blessed Mary does not provide us with any example to follow, does not provide any teaching for life. If the Virgin Mary was awarded the highest election by the grace of God, then evenly, and by the truth of God. She was exalted above all others by election, because above all she appeared worthy of election due to her spiritual qualities and dispositions and, by the way, due to her purest virginity, with which She, like the sun, clearly rose above all that was ancient, and indeed, above all the world to come. From this we must conclude that if the Most Blessed Mary, through her purest virginity, achieved the highest and unparalleled election of God, then although an election equal to this is impossible, he who, if possible, imitates Her virginity, in the truth of God, can, like Her, hope for the special grace of God, a special election, a special approach to God. If Her virginity alone made Her the Most Honest Cherub and the Most Glorious without comparison the Seraphim, then at least it can make Her imitators equal to the Angels. If her virginity made Her alone the overshadowed tabernacle of the Holy Spirit, the Mother of the Son of God, then it can nevertheless make other souls daughters of God, neighbors of the Heavenly King, brides of Christ. This is precisely what the secretly significant psalm proclaims to us: virgins will be brought to the King in Her footsteps (Ps. 45:15)." 24]. "The state in which they neither marry nor encroach, therefore, perpetual virginity, the Lord calls the state equal to the angels: on the resurrection they neither marry nor encroach, but as the angels of God are in heaven (Matthew 22: 30); or, as another Evangelist retells it, equal... essence of an Angel (Luke 20:36). Virginity is not only possible for many to observe, but also desirable for everyone. The Apostle Paul to the Corinthians says: For I desire that all men may be as I am (1 Cor. 7:7). What does it mean: like and az? He explains this further in the same Message: It is not the imams who have the power to lead a sister and a wife... But we do not create anything in this region: but we endure everything, so that we do not stop the gospel of Christ (1 Cor. 9:5, 12), i.e. he deprived himself of the help and consolations of marriage, so that he could preach the Gospel all the more unhindered. Consequently, the Apostle would like everyone to devote themselves to serving God and piety in virginity. Do you want to see the high lot prepared for virginity by God? See through the eyes of the seer John: And I saw, and behold, a Lamb standing on Mount Zion, and with him an hundred and fourty and four thousand, having the name of His Father written on their foreheads. He heard them singing a new song before the throne of God: and no one can learn songs except these... These are the ones who have not defiled themselves with women, they are virgins: these will follow the Lamb, even if He goes. Cuu are bought from men, the firstborn to God and to the Lamb (Rev. 14:1–4). Do you see the excellent dignity of virginity? 25 “What is virginity, and how is this virtue accomplished? Everyone knows from his own experience virginity as a natural state that precedes marriage, which has not experienced the secrets of marriage, not awakened to the knowledge of them. But this is only an imperfect beginning of what we are talking about. This is still only the grass of a lily, and not a flower; only the summer shoot (sprout) of the apple tree, and not the fragrant apple. The virginity of infancy, by the very fact that it is simply a natural state, is neither a matter of freedom nor the fruit of achievement, and therefore is not yet a virtue. It is appropriately called innocence, because there is no guilt in it, which is the opposite of virginity - but that’s all, and yet it does not have the excellent dignity that belongs to perfect virginity. Virginity as a feat, as a virtue, as the flower of purity, as the fruit of chastity, as the path of perfection, appears when a person of an age, according to the usual course of bodily nature, more or less disposed towards marriage, without indulging in the attraction of nature, without being carried away by custom, examples, amenities and needs of the common life, decides not to join marriage, but to observe virginity forever” 26 . “It is unfair to represent the natural inclination of a person towards the other sex as invincible, with the exception of perhaps one person in a thousand. To think this way means to imagine the bestial nature in a person as predominant, and the spiritual nature as meaningless: an opinion that is contrary to the dignity of human nature and offensive to its Creator. In human nature, damaged by sin, there is a war of flesh against spirit; but against it the Christian faith provides completely victorious help. And experience represents many people, partly by vow or obligation, partly without obligation, spending a pure life in complete celibacy or widowhood” 27. “The irresistible impulse of the flesh is not to be respected, because by the law of Christ we are all obliged to crucify our flesh with its passions and lusts (Tal. 5:24). And for success in this, the holy fathers usually recommend fervent prayer and fasting. About prayer, the Lord Himself said: Ask, and it will be given to you... everyone who asks receives it (Matthew 7:7, 8)" 28. “But just as the one who strives will not be crowned if he strives illegally (2 Tim. 2:5), then the one who decides to undertake the feat of virginity must know, always remember and observe the main law of this feat, which consists in the fact that we undertake and undergo the feat of virginity for God. For the sake of the kingdom of heaven, says the Supreme Lawgiver of virginity, Jesus Christ Himself (Matthew 19:12); and the Apostle: He who is not married cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord... the one who is not married cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit (1 Cor. 7:32, 34). Pleasing God and for this purpose sanctifying the spirit and body is the goal of those who strive in virginity. Whoever runs in the field of virgin life not towards this goal is not running towards the crown. This is why a virgin withdraws from marriage, so that his special inclination towards earthly beings does not delay or distort his desire for God. According to this desire with all the strength of the mind and love for the Lord, and according to the direction of all activities to please Him, the virgin soul is called the bride of the Heavenly Bridegroom. From this main law of virginity, it is not difficult to understand that bodily removal from everything that belongs to marriage is not perfect virginity, but only the lowest degree of it: for striving and approaching God as a spiritual Being can and must be accomplished in the spirit itself; virginity of the body only removes obstacles to spiritual aspirations and suppresses opposing aspirations. This is where various detailed rules on virginity come from. The Lord said: everyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28). Therefore, just as there is fornication of the heart, so there must also be the opposite virtue to this vice - virginity of the heart. He who strives in this virtue must keep his heart pure from all carnal lust, from all thoughts contrary to chastity; To reflect the involuntary attacks of unclean thoughts without hesitation, for this purpose to carefully watch over the movements of your thoughts and desires, to occupy and protect your mind and heart, either by exercising in the Word of God, or by attentive inner prayer. Just as the Lord showed that the eye serves as the servant of the heart, then, in contrast, the eye must be trained so that it can serve virginity, i.e. turn your eyes away from any tempting object, and look at those that inevitably present themselves without passion, without thought, seeing without seeing and, as quickly as possible, stopping the dangerous vision, i.e. mortify the sense of sight, according to the will of the Lord: if your right eye causes you to fall, remove it and take it away from you (Matthew 5:29). Hence the veil over the eyes, desert living, seclusion. But if in order to protect virginity from temptation and impurity it is necessary to mortify the sense of sight, then, in comparison, one can understand and be convinced that in a similar way it is necessary to mortify other senses, such as: hearing - from hearing immodest and seductive speeches, taste, smell, touch - from the corresponding sensations that incline towards bliss and luxury. Hence the exercise in silence, fasting, dry eating, simplicity and severity in clothing, bed, housing, enslavement and mortification of the body through labor, prayer vigils, and kneeling. To depict virginity in one word, one can cite the beautiful and significant saying of St. Chrysostom: the root and fruit of virginity is crucified life (On virgins, chapter 79)” 29. 3. About the blessed birth of children. “Which of those who want to become, or have already become parents, would not want to have good, blessed children? But since not all children correspond to the wishes of their parents, the question naturally arises: how do you get good, blessed children? This phenomenon that “not only good, but sometimes also bad parents have good children, and, on the contrary, good parents have not only kind, but sometimes also bad children,” cannot be explained by a simple saying: “It happens.” “When the wheat is born in the field where the wheat is sown, we do not say that this happens. But when we see an ear of wheat growing in a meadow where no wheat was sown, we say that it happened that way,” by which we want to say, “without a doubt, not that the ear was born without a seed grain, or that the seed grain itself was made from the ground, or something similar, but that we do not know how the seed grain was brought here - by the wind or dropped here by a passer-by. Consequently, the idea that good or bad children are given to parents as it happens - a thought that could depress especially good parents, and would even express some kind of injustice of fate against them, fortunately, is unfounded and completely insignificant; these are words that express nothing more than the absence of thought capable of explaining the event. How do you get good children? – It is not long to look for a law on this if we see good children with parents who are also kind, prudent and caring about their upbringing. The question is resolved if we say that this is as natural as when in a field where wheat is sown, wheat will be born, and not tares. Don’t doctors accept it as a fact that some diseases are passed from parents to children? It is even less debatable that children inherit the health of their parents, unless special reasons rob them of this natural inheritance. Also, looking at the faces of children, don’t we usually look for similarities with the faces of our parents? So, if we find that parents owe themselves to themselves for certain physical perfections or shortcomings of their children: what prevents us from concluding to some extent about the highest mental properties, about preliminary inclinations and dispositions? “Isn’t it even more understandable to discover something hereditary in the soul, which, as a simple being, reveals all its abilities and powers from itself, from the inner spiritual root of being received at birth, than in the body, the structure of which depends so much on external, elemental nature?” “To whom is this blessing of God given: be fruitful and multiply, whether to the body of a person, which is without a soul and does not understand this blessing and cannot fulfill it, or to the whole person, and especially to his soul? Does this word of Scripture refer to the body: God created man, in the image of God created him (Gen. 1:27)? God is incorporeal, therefore man is created in the image of God in the soul. What does it mean that it is written about Adam: bear a son after your own kind and in your own image (Gen. 5:3)? Is it that between Adam and Seth there were similarities in facial features and body structure? Was it worth the trouble to introduce such a petty remark into a narrative so sacred and, moreover, so brief? And the comparison of the image of Adam now presented with the indicated image of God does not make it clear that the sacred writer is talking about an internal image, spiritual and moral? The creative word: be fruitful and multiply, implanted in Adam the ability to give birth to blessed children and pass on to them as an inheritance the image of God, according to which he himself was created; but when this image in him was damaged by sin, then although, by the power of the original creative word, he could give birth to a son, he could not tell him more than what remained in himself, give birth to a son not in the image of God, complete and perfect, but in his own form and in his own image, i.e. with some remains of the image of God and with some admixture of sin and Adam’s damage. This is the original Divine and consistent natural law of human birth. Having been included in the book of Genesis on the occasion of the birth of Seth, he was never destroyed. And now it is natural for parents to give birth to children according to their own kind and in their own image - so that sinners are born from sinners, just as consumptives are born from consumptives, but that from those who, through free exercise in repentance, prayer and doing good, with the help of God's grace, have weakened their sinful inclinations and strengthened their good inclinations, children will also be born with some preliminary help for good, against the power of sin, however always overcome by freedom and especially by grace” 30. “A remarkable indication of this law of birth is provided by sacred history in the person of Manoeva’s wife. An angel appears to her and predicts that she, having hitherto been barren, will give birth to a son, and that a Nazarite of God will be born from the womb (Judges 13:5). And with this, he orders her from now on to begin and continue during pregnancy the characteristic way of abstinence of the Nazirites: let her not eat anything that comes from the grapes, and let her not drink wine or strong drink (Judges 13:14). It is almost as if he had said to her: Your son must be a Nazarite; but so that this can be done more accurately, prepare him for this way of life when you carry him in your womb; lead the way of life characteristic of the Nazarenes and, thus, prepare in him the ability and inclination for the Nazarite way of life” 31. “In order to reconcile the general law of birth with special cases, which, apparently, constitute an exception to it and even contradict it, when, for example, children are born from good parents who are unworthy of them, or good children are born from unworthy parents, or from ordinary parents - extraordinary children, for this we must remember that God is as omnipotent and unchangeable in His destinies as the Lawgiver of the world, just as the all-wise and all-free Ruler of it, and the all-righteous Judge not only of visible affairs, but also of the innermost dispositions of men. Let's explain with examples. One and the same Adam gives birth to such diverse children - Cain, Abel, Seth! But here, too, one should note “one general law of birth.” “Adam, drunk, so to speak, with the fresh poison of a recently committed sin and with the recent promise of deliverance, having placed himself in some still immaturely thought-out audacity of hope, gives birth to Cain - an audacious sinner. Adam, who in the unfortunate birth of Cain experienced the burden of a curse attracted by sin, deceived by hope, humiliated by vanity, gives birth to Abel - meek, but fragile.” “Cain was the son of hope, Abel the son of contrition: these different feelings could have an influence on the birth, upbringing and education of children” 32. “Finally, Adam, deeply rooted in humility through the continuation of sorrows, strengthened by patience in hope and hope in patience, gives birth to Seth - the reliable foundation of his offspring. From one Abraham is born Ishmael, a wild donkey, as the prophecy about him is expressed, and Isaac, the blessing of all nations. Why is there such a difference? Because the rebellious slave Hagar damaged the blessing of Abraham in Ismail, and the virtuous and humble Sarah, with the blessing of Abraham, combined her own blessing in Isaac in the purest and most perfect way, according to what was said about her to Abraham: I will bless her and give you a child by her, and I will bless her, and he will become a nation, and out of him will be kings of the tongues (Gen. 17:16). Even stranger may seem the birth from Isaac and Rebekah of sons so different from each other as Esau and Jacob. What can be said to explain this extraordinary phenomenon? What God said to Rebekah herself: there are two tongues in your womb (Gen. 25:23). Two opposite principles acted at the same time in her womb: the innate sin of Adam and God's blessing; one strengthened in Esau, the other prevailed in Jacob. Let us take another example of the perverse moral course of birth from the history of the kings of Judah. The son of the idolater Ahaz was the pious Hezekiah, and the son of Hezekiah, Manasseh, was again an idolater, although, however, not unrepentant. This vicissitude could be explained very simply if there were sufficient information about the upbringing of these kings: for among rich and famous people, the fate of children sometimes depends to a greater extent on schoolmasters and mentors, of whom the good ones become beneficial instruments of Providence, and the bad ones become instruments of punishment for the vices of parents and for neglect of education. But besides this, one must take into account that Divine blessings and punishments in childbirth do not always follow the virtues and vices of each person in the family; but sometimes they accelerate in order to suppress evil and enhance the good in humanity in general, and sometimes they lag behind in order to give room for long-suffering, or to save goodness for the time when it is most needed. The Lord, as He cries about Himself, the Lord God is generous and merciful, long-suffering and abounding in mercy and truth, and preserve righteousness and show mercy to thousands, take away iniquity and unrighteousness and sins, and will not cleanse the guilty, bring the sins of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children, to the third and fourth generation (Ex. 34:6-7). If anyone were to complain about the severity that brings the sins of the fathers onto the children... to the third and fourth generation: the all-good God abundantly justifies His judgments with mercy, which He extends not only to four generations, but to thousands of them.” Thus, “these reflections and examples show that marriage and the title of parents are not subjects that can be sacrificed with impunity to passions and in the play of frivolity, and that those who want to have worthy children will act wisely if they first make themselves worthy parents” 33. Spouses are required to keep “the marriage honest and blameless” and to live chastely. “Virginity and marriage are not for everyone, but chastity is for everyone. For the grace of God to save all man has appeared... so that, having rejected ungodliness and worldly lusts, we may live chastely, righteously and piously in this present world (Tit. 2:11, 12). What does chaste mean? Either in the purity of virginity, or in the honesty of marriage, in both cases with the rejection of worldly lusts, and especially carnal lusts, which wage war on the soul (1 Peter 2:11)” 34. Therefore, spouses “must flee from carnal, impure love” 35 . “Under the name of chastity, the Savior teaches more than just bodily purity: everyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28).” In the same way, with the words of the commandment: “Thou shalt not covet thy true wife” (Ex. 20:17) – “voluptuous thoughts and desires or internal adultery are forbidden,” not to mention that “abomination, which the Apostle Paul advises Christians not to talk about (Eph. 5:3), – adultery, when those in a marriage unlawfully turn their marital love to strangers” 36. “When the sin of fornication is prohibited, then through this marital love and fidelity are prescribed” 37. “Marriage is important in relation to the Providence of God and to the family. God, having created the first people, entrusted to them and their descendants the further production of people into the world, entrusted, as it were, the continuation of His creative action. What a great gift! And is it possible to think that God’s Providence will ignore the abuse of this great gift, and that God’s justice will not befall the abusers? The action of this justice is not always obvious, not always quickly, but for those who carefully observe the ways of God are undoubted. David had a strong faith in the true God, and zealously acted to spread it among the people; but even with such, one might say, merits before God, when he allowed himself to violate the law of marriage, even after repentance he was subject to grave disasters, not only family, but also state” 38 [“Can necessity not excuse a deviation from the marriage law, for example, when another marriage is sought from an unhappy marriage? - No way. What could be more unfortunate than a husband whose wife is so insane that she needs to be kept on a chain? But the church rule says that even in this case he should not leave her and look for another. Those who suffer an unhappy marriage according to the inscrutable fate of God must endure it as a test from God, and those who suffer as a result of an unreasonable choice must endure it as a punishment for their recklessness. Therefore, the 87th rule of the VI Ecumenical Council says decisively: “A wife who leaves her husband, if she commits violence for another, is an adulteress.” The composition of the expressions of the rule allows us to conclude that there would be room for some apology if she had only left her husband and not encroached on another; but in this latter case there is no room for an apology” 39 ]. “The Holy Scripture says about the offices of husband and wife: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave her to Himself for her sake (Eph. 5:25). Wives, obey your husbands, as the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wives, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body (Eph. 5:22–23)" 40. The close and inextricable love of the spouses, the wife’s obedience to her husband is indicated by the image of the creation of the first wife and her purpose. “A wife is created from a man’s rib in order: a) so that the wife is always close to her husband’s heart, b) so that she is naturally disposed to obedience and submission to him, being, as it were, a part of him, c) in order to facilitate the mutual communication of thoughts, feelings, perfections and make the human race a single body,” “and so that people would naturally be inclined to love and take care of each other” 41 [After the Fall, although “the wife who dared to bow down husband to his unlawful desire, is mutually condemned to always be careful about pleasing his desires and for dominion over him is subject to his dominion: and your desire is for your husband, and he will rule over you (Gen. 3:16),” however, “just as the independence of a wife in an innocent state is not assumed, the unlimited dominion of a husband over her is not approved” 42. See Eph. 5:28]. The wife in the Council of God is called the husband's helper (Gen. 2:18), this shows her purpose to help him: a) in the birth and upbringing of children, b) in all needs related to temporary life.” The wife is called “a helper like himself, i.e. husband, in commemoration of a) the same nature with him (as opposed to other kinds of animals), b) his closest service (1 Cor. 11:9), c) constant conversation with him and inseparable cohabitation” 43. An ancient, experienced, royal sage depicts a valiant wife with the following traits that are accessible to general imitation. And taste how to do good, i.e. she doesn't crave fun. She finds more taste in work and useful occupation than others in amusements and amusements, and her lamp does not go out all night (Proverbs 31:18). She does not indulge in a dark and long sleep and does not illuminate the night with a thousand lamps that do not shine on any useful work. Her lamp does not go out, which shines on her night work, or her night prayer; Most of all, the lamp of faith does not go out in her soul, in anticipation of the Heavenly Bridegroom coming at midnight. Make thin garments for your husband, and fine linen and purple garments for yourself (Prov. 31:22). She does not want to be a tribute to foreigners for dreamy grace and whimsical news in clothes: for her, those clothes are better, in which there is less foreign labor. You open your mouth carefully and lawfully, and the order is a commandment to your tongue (Prov. 31:25). She does not place dignity in the audacity of judgment, nor pleasure in eloquence; mockery and slander do not defile her tongue, and unbridled laughter does not upset her spirit and appearance; a sound mind and a kind heart open her mouth to a pure and undefiled word, and soon modesty seals them" 44 ["The experienced Solomon considered a virtuous wife not a very common occurrence when he said: who will find a worthy wife? Proverbs 31:10) Why does the wise judge pay special attention to female virtue and extol it? - Because, by the way, he sees it in the weak part of humanity. When you see high and strong virtue in the face of a husband, you are not so much surprised as you are satisfied, having found exactly what could be demanded from this nature. But when you meet the same virtue in the weak nature of a wife, your expectation is exceeded, and not only you. pleased, but also surprised. For example, looking at Jacob, who, in order to quench the unjust enmity of his brother, voluntarily condemns himself to expulsion from his parental home and, taking nothing from the inheritance of his rich father, goes to a distant country with one wandering staff - no doubt, you will say with a feeling of pleasure: this is generous, this is worthy of the son of Isaac, the grandson of Abraham. But if you look at Ruth, who, out of love for her mother-in-law, a helpless foreigner, and out of respect for her virtue and piety, decides to leave her kinship and fatherland, and, being restrained by Naomi herself from this difficult and apparently hopeless feat, does not hesitate and says to Naomi: where you go, I will go, and where you abide, I will abide and az; your people are my people, and your God is my God (Ruth. 1:16, 17); at the sight of this masculine strength of spirit in your wife, this delight of virtue, you are not only pleased, but also surprised and touched” 45 ]. Part two. Responsibilities of parents towards children 5. About the motives for raising children. “The general rule - take care of children - does not require long teaching and many arguments. Nature preaches it. She speaks in the hearts of parents in favor of children, and it is not surprising: the life of parents feels its branch in the lives of children and naturally wants it to grow and bloom. But, what is more surprising, nature in the children themselves speaks for them, and even before they can speak: the sight of a baby softens the parent’s heart, and, if he is helpless, attracts him to help him. The dumb preach to man about caring for children. Most of them feed their children, guard them with care and jealousy, turning into rage, and even at the risk of their lives; and some teach their children what belongs to the perfection inherent in their lives. But man, more than dumb people, is drawn by nature to care for children by an internal impulse and forced by external necessity. In the dumb, affection for children ends with the immaturity of their age: in man it extends further and remains forever. The children of dumb people come out of the state of helplessness and immaturity more quickly and with less benefits than the children of humans. If at this remark someone were to ask: isn’t a person offended in this way in comparison with the dumb? To this, without hesitation, you can answer: no. And, firstly, because some of the imperfections of human birth and life that we notice do not belong to the original, pure nature of man, but, as Holy Tradition shows, they are the consequences and signs of its damage by ancestral sin, first voluntary, and then hereditary. Secondly, because as dumb people, the more benefits to life they should have received from nature, the less capable they are of increasing them by their action, not having reason; so, on the contrary, it was necessary not to protect man too much with the benefits of nature, so as not to restrict the field provided for his reason and freedom. If the aids and impulses of nature moved a person towards the goals of life as powerfully and as easily as the dumb ones, then what would his mind do? Where would his freedom be? Where is the dignity of rational and free choice, merit, virtue, and, consequently, the high moral bliss of a free being?”.. “If a person is born more helpless than other animals and demands more help to improve his life, then the special fate of humanity says to parents: take care of your children. If nature does not process a person so intensely, because it does not want to rule over him as over a slave, because she trusts reason and freedom to process him; and reason and freedom in a person do not open suddenly and not without help, but require assistance from reason, previously open, and direction from freedom, previously tested and processed, then the dignity of reason and freedom says to parents: take care of the children. If a person, conceived in iniquities and born in sins, must be purified and raised to heavenly perfection, then the pitiful beginning and high destiny suddenly says to the parents in both a sad and solemn voice: take care of the children.”46 “But where Christ speaks, it is best to listen to what He says. Take heed,” he says, “so that you do not despise one (of) these little ones: for I say to you, for their angels in heaven will always see the face of My Heavenly Father (Matthew 18:10). He said this to the apostles when he called the boy and placed him in their midst (Matthew 18:2).” “Therefore, every time the Lord, by the hand of His Providence, places a child before you, when it is born to you, or is entrusted to your care by authority and law, or is brought into your hands by need and helplessness, you can imagine that the Lord looks at it and says to you: Take heed, lest you despise one (of) these little ones. And how strongly He reinforces this commandment! Amen, I say to you, for their angels in heaven will always see the face of My Heavenly Father, i.e. Angels serve as guardians of children, therefore, they pay attention to them, take care of them, respect them: how can you leave them without care, without attention, in neglect? Their angels are in heaven and descend to earth for them: wouldn’t you want to bend your earthly pride to their small age? Their angels... They see the face of the Heavenly Father, and from this blissful contemplation they turn their gaze to the swaddling clothes and the cradle, and their ears to the crying or babbling of the baby: will it seem to you either boring or a small matter to care for these little ones? “The soul of a baby, purified by baptism, not defiled by arbitrary sins, with its innocence, simplicity, and gentleness, represents a certain fellowship with the angelic nature, and therefore not only does not pose any obstacle to the approach of the Guardian Angel, but, perhaps, attracts him.” ] “And who sends Angels to human babies? Who, if not the Creator of Angels and men Himself? Think: the sky comes into motion to preserve the life or integrity of a child on earth, and yet - are there not those who, without compassion, hear the cry of a child on the knees of poverty, who look at the growth of their own children with no more attention, like at grass growing in a field?” 50. 6. About the love of parents for children and the initial upbringing of children. “It is fair to place our trust in God for ourselves and for our children, but this does not exclude careful attention to how best to lead children, and the duty of vigilant supervision over them. The love of parents for their children should not act independently, but under the guidance of sound reasoning” 51. “Do fathers and mothers need a feat to love their child? Does a baby need to learn to love his father and mother? If nature does everything in this love, without achievement and almost without the knowledge of man: where is the dignity of virtue? This is simply a natural feeling, which we notice even in speechless people. Not loving parents or children is a deeply base vice; but love for parents or children is not yet a high virtue, except in special cases when it is elevated by the self-denial and self-sacrifice associated with it” 52. “A sensitive and loving heart must be elevated from natural to spiritual love, so that, immersed in family ties, it does not become completely bogged down in natural love alone” 53. Therefore, “putting the source of good in God and His blessing that we have or receive, and the hope of the good that we desire,” it is necessary to “exalt and sanctify the works of nature with the spirit of grace, - to greet the birth of children not only with joyful feelings, but also with pious thoughts, to seek a happy future for them not only in favorable earthly sights, but also in the union of their earthly existence with the heavenly, to give names for children not indiscriminately, or with a superficial analysis of pleasant or unpleasant sounds and the like, but with the thought of pious ancestors, whose souls are able to impart an effective blessing to their descendants, and even better with faith in the saints, whose prayers and blessings are undoubtedly beneficial.” “Naming is not as unimportant as people think, who remember names better than know the essence and relationships of objects. The wisdom of primordial man was tested and demonstrated by the naming of every living soul. In the naming of names by the patriarchs, the gift of foresight and prophecy was more than once manifested. God Himself, when He deigned to give Abraham a new, significant, hereditary blessing, as a pledge, as a seal, as a mysterious sign of this blessing, gave him a new name: and no one will call your name Abram, but your name will be Abraham: for he has called you the father of many languages ​​(Gen. 17:5). The Holy Church, knowing that few are capable of giving names on their own that bring blessings, has established the wonderful custom of borrowing names from the saints, which, by the grace of the saints, are always significant and capable of bringing blessings. But, moreover, it is especially good for an infant, who is given the name of a saint not only according to custom, but out of faith and love for the saint.”54 Parents must “beware lest neglect creep in” towards their children during their initial upbringing. “They neglect children if, according to experience, they belong to the nurse, nanny, overseer, or matron more than to the father and mother, and more than is necessary. Nature, or, better, the Creator of nature, gives to the same person the mother both the milk of a nurse and the care of a nanny. True, the separation of these ministries is often forced, more or less, either by the mother’s weakness or by her other responsibilities; but if this is done only out of an inclination towards a carefree life, out of thoughtless imitation of examples of such carelessness, then it would be better for a good mother to think about whether to suddenly take the mother away from two babies - both from the nurse’s baby and from her own, and whether to force her baby to drink from the nurse’s breast, perhaps longing for her own offspring, instead of him drinking love from the breast of his mother? The mother who feeds and carries her baby in her arms, the father who, in moments of rest from his work, also takes him in his arms and teaches him the first names of what is sacred and dear, do both a beautiful and important thing: they enjoy the activities themselves, the child also enjoys; and at the same time, parental love and kindness constantly sow the seeds of childish love and kindness in the child’s heart, and by early and abundant sowing they prepare a abundant harvest” 55 . 7. The teaching of the Word of God on education. “Parents and educators should be pointed out to what is undeniably true and accessible and useful to all of them, and to a guide book that no other would push away from them. Didn’t the Bible give good education to the people of God in the Old Testament? Didn’t she give even more perfect education to the people of God in the New Testament? Wisely arranging the education of future citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven, she did not lack the wisdom to teach the correct rules for the formation of a good citizen of the kingdom of the earth, and had the need to teach them, because a bad citizen of the kingdom of earth is not fit for the Kingdom of Heaven. So, it’s worth the effort to look for the teaching on education in the Bible. The most ancient teaching can be found in the word of the Lord to Abraham: Abraham will become great and numerous in language, and all the nations of the earth will be blessed because of him: for we know that he commanded his children and his household after themselves, and they will keep the ways of the Lord to do righteousness and justice (Gen. 18:18-19). Here, firstly, in the form of praise for the upbringing that Abraham gives to his children, the main rule of upbringing is taught: command your sons to preserve the ways of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, or give your children a pious and moral upbringing, in accordance with the law of God.” “Piety should be the foundation and soul of education.” “Secondly, the beneficial consequences of such upbringing are also shown here: Abraham will be great and plentiful in language; the father of a family who gives his children a pious and moral upbringing can expect from himself numerous, respected and prosperous offspring. It is not difficult to understand that one who is careless about such an upbringing cannot expect the same, but threatens him with the opposite. Further, we find directly stated rules of education in the Old Testament books, mainly teaching ones - in the book of Proverbs of Solomon and in the book of Jesus son of Sirach. Solomon teaches: Punish your son, so that he will be trustworthy; but do not take your soul to annoyance (Proverbs 19:18). Punish means: teach; give useful instructions; but also actually: punish for wrongdoing. But the wise one sets a limit to the severity of the instruction and the severity of the punishment: do not act with vexation and irritation, and do not arouse vexation and irritation. An irritated mentor does not instruct, but irritates. The noise of irritation drowns out the voice of truth. Instruct kindly; rebuke meekly and peacefully; punish moderately and with regret. Solomon encourages such action, promising good fruits from it. Punish your son, and he will love you and give grace to your soul; he will not listen to the tongue of a transgressor (Prov. 28:17)” 56. “The teaching of the Son of Sirach is more strict. Are you children? I will punish them and bend their necks from youth (Sir. 7:25). Punish your son and do it to him, so that he does not stumble in his lack of judgment (Sir. 30:13). In particular, he addresses with a bitter word those parents who love to amuse their children and be amused by them, and not teach them, give them excessive freedom and frivolously look at the impulses of their frivolity: caress the child and he will frighten you, play with him and he will sadden you. Don’t laugh with him, and don’t worry about him (Sir. 30:9, 10)” 57. “Wise and saving is that parental love which, constraining itself, somewhat withholds affection towards children, is somewhat skimpy on consoling them, in order to save it as an encouragement and reward for their obedience, or success in useful teaching” 58 . “Finally, the Gospel, which in general, instead of the spirit of fear of the law that prevailed in the Old Testament, spreads the spirit of love and freedom, and in the rules of education softens the ancient severity. The Holy Apostle Paul writes: fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the teaching and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). And in another message: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, so that they do not become discouraged (Col. 3:21)" 59. "This is the teaching of the sacred books about education. It is simple and not complicated, because it is intended not only for the wise, but also for the simple. However, the wise will not humiliate themselves if they draw the attention of their students to these simple lessons, because they were taught by people led by the Spirit of God. The simplest thing education according to the rules of true piety and pure morality can form a good citizen of the earthly kingdom, capable of heavenly citizenship; but wise education can undoubtedly adapt the educated person more and more perfectly to the achievement of various generally useful goals. But without these rules, the most scientific education is the construction of a plausible building without a solid foundation. According to these rules, the youth David was simply raised to tend sheep, but a man was revealed in him, capable of shepherding the people of God, a victorious warrior, king, and prophet. According to these rules, the son of the kings, Solomon, who appeared as a wise king, a prophetic king, and an unusually happy king, was probably brought up more teacherly.” “From the fact that in the Old Testament teaching on education one can see more severity, and in the Gospel - more freedom-loving meekness, the question naturally arises: should one follow exclusively the latter and completely put aside the former? To resolve this issue, let us turn to the saying of the holy Apostle Paul: at times the heir is young, and a slave is no one’s better... but there are lords and overseers (Gal. 4:1, 2). You see, he talks about strict education as not reprehensible, ordinary and proper. This is all the more remarkable since he presents strict education as an image of how God educates humanity. This is directly evident from the following words: and we, when we were young, were under the elements of the world of enslavement (Gal. 4:3). The Old Testament is the childhood of humanity, and its initial education under the slavish fear of the law. Christianity is the highest age of humanity, and its perfect upbringing under grace; here, according to the elevated knowledge and strength of spirit, spiritual freedom is entrusted to him; and then man is no longer internally a slave, but the son and heir of God through Jesus Christ. So, since the Apostle recognizes the same order in the upbringing of humanity by God and in the upbringing of every person by parents and mentors, it is clear that from the Christian meek upbringing he does not completely exclude the ancient severity, so that freedom would be entrusted to the one being educated as he acquires the ability to use it. Does it make any difference whether to give extensive freedom to those who know how to use it or those who do not, those who are mature in mind or those who are immature? Obviously it doesn't matter. Consequently, children should be given freedom as they grow older and more educated. Which of the two directions is more correct, more pleasant and more satisfactory for a person, proceeding from the expansion of freedom to its limitation or, on the contrary, from its limitation to its expansion? Obviously the latter. So, it is necessary to lead children from restricting freedom to expanding it. Otherwise, having become too free too early, where will he go next with his desire for progress and increasing satisfaction? Will he not be tempted to shake the just limits of reasonable and legal freedom? 60 8. Religious education of children. “Those Christian parents, as well as the leaders of Christian children, who try as early as possible to teach their children simple, but pure and bright concepts about God and Christ, and to arouse in their hearts a feeling of reverence, faith and love for God and Christ, are prudent and should be happy. Hurry to sow the seed of the Word of God on the soil of the heart, watered by the living water of holy baptism and not yet overgrown with the tares of arbitrary sins and the thorns of false and vain thoughts. Isn’t the hope of good growth of the sown and abundant fruit evident here? Just as the tares and thorns, which were forestalled by growth, would suppress the wheat, so the wheat, which was forestalled by growth and strength, will prevent the tares and thorns from arising and strengthening" 61 . “The first task of educating a child should be education in faith, teaching him its elementary truths in a form in which they can be understood by him. At this age (before entering school) it is necessary to develop in him a pure, simple belief in the power, holiness and goodness of God, who created everything, loves all that is good, condemns sin, but has mercy and saves sinners who repent and desire correction. Bring your child to the idea of ​​the Divine gradually, tell him in clear language: you see different things around you and you know that each of them was made by someone: the house was built by an architect; the picture was painted by a painter; the flowers were planted and raised by the gardener; So, you need to know who made the bright sun, the sky, the stars - all this was created by God, our common Father, the Father of all people; He is everywhere, although we do not see Him; He knows everything we do; hears everything we say, even everything we think; without Him, neither grass, nor ear of grain, nor flowers could grow; animals would not live; nothing exists without His will; your mother is kind and loves you, but God is infinitely more good and loves you more; your father works to feed you, but God does infinitely more for all people than all people together can do. Your example can have the greatest effect on a child in this regard; never pronounce the name of God in vain, in a comic speech; During prayer, it is necessary that reverence be expressed in all your words and movements. Teach your child to imitate you, teach him to listen or read prayers with reverence and in a respectful position; he will not yet understand all the words of the prayer, but he will understand the feeling expressed by bowing his head, making the sign of the cross, and kneeling; external movement affects its interior; but instill in him that it is a sin to think about something else when praying to God, and that a silent feeling of humility before God, a short but heartfelt prayer is higher than a prayer spoken in words without the participation of the heart; Thus, little by little he will comprehend the sweetness of love for God before his mind comprehends all the necessity of faith for man. When a priest or other clergyman enters, show your children by example how respect and love they should treat church servants and listen to their lessons. A detailed study of the articles of faith should be left to real schools. But a Christian child cannot be left without an indication of Christian dogmas until he enters school. When you teach him to pray with the sign of the cross, when during prayer you turn his gaze to the image of the Lord Jesus, crucified or as a Child carried in the arms of the Blessed Virgin, childish curiosity will demand an account from you - what does this mean? Then begin to feed the young soul with Christianity, just know how to apply it to age, offer simple verbal milk to the baby of nature, along with grace. Say that the invisible God, it was the Son of God, loving people, who wanted to be visible and live with them; for this reason he was born of the Most Holy Virgin and lived on earth as a man, in order to teach us to live holy; that He even wanted to suffer and die on the cross in order to cleanse us from our sins; but having died as a man, just as God rose again on the third day, he ascended into heaven and reigns in heaven and on earth, and will save us when we pray, please Him, believe in Him and ask Him for forgiveness of our sins. Convey this not as an incomprehensible dogma, but as a wonderful story; and it will arouse attention and elevate the soul of the child, and your reverence and love for the Savior will be reflected in it and prepare it for higher understanding in due time” 62. 9. About piety as the basis for social education: “learned, businesslike, elegant.” In public education, one must “pay special attention to moral education and, as the basis for this, to pious education. But is everyone following this direction fairly correctly? Academic upbringing, business upbringing, elegant upbringing - don’t the concerns of some educators and those brought up too much attract the attention of external advantages, benefits, fame, pleasure? Therefore, it is not superfluous to remind parents and educators of children of the apostolic admonition: bring up... in the teaching and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4), i.e. in word and deed, guide your children to a pious and honest life according to the teachings of Christ. Let us pay our debt of respect to knowledge and scholarship. Let's say, if you like, that people who have deep knowledge about the subjects of nature, humanity and human society are the eyes of the people. However, just as not every member of the body needs to be an eye, so not every member of society needs to be a scientist. But intense reproaches to ignorance and praise to vaguely understood enlightenment have sown in some people one-sided thoughts that education worthy of its name is only scientific, that education means teaching science, that educated people should honor someone who has gone through several fields of lessons. This means educating the head rather than the heart and the whole person. Happy is the one being brought up if a mentor in the teaching of faith manages to sow the seed of spiritual teaching in him more deeply than other mentors with the seeds of worldly teachings, and if the spiritual seed is nourished by home and church exercises of piety under the influence of good leadership and example. The Divine teaching will purify, confirm and sanctify human teachings, and make them usable for private and public benefit, because godliness, as the Apostle says, is useful for everything, having a promise for the present and the future (1 Tim. 4:8). But if piety, although the decrees speak about it, is not placed in the very soul of the person being educated as the foundation of worldly teachings, then they will not be truly solid; unfounded teachings do not improve life, but at the same time they usually puff up; arrogant with imaginary knowledge and education most often puts himself above his condition. This is how people happen who do not put up with poverty, do not get along with mediocrity, do not maintain moderation in abundance; they hunger for exaltation, splendor, pleasures; they are disappointed by satiety as well as by not finding food for their passions; are always dissatisfied, love change rather than constancy, and, pursuing dreams, upset present and future reality” 63. “Scientists themselves recognized that scientific education is not always appropriate and usefully applied, especially to middle and lower states in society, when they distinguished it from it and tried to separately arrange business education for these states, i.e. adapted to the affairs of these states, to agriculture, to crafts, to the arts, to industry and trade. A sensible idea with efficient execution.” It is only necessary to “remember that business education only with the help of pious and moral education can form a farmer, artisan, industrialist, trader - hardworking, honest, capable of organizing their own well-being and being good members of society” 64. Therefore, “they neglect children if they are more diligent in teaching them what is useful for temporary life, rather than what is saving for the immortal soul; if they more carefully furnish their heads with a set of words and concepts than cultivate the heap of their hearts, plucking from it the wild herbs of wrong inclinations and habits, planting in it good feelings towards virtue, protecting it from the winds of frivolity and from the storms of passions; if during upbringing they do not sufficiently remember and do not sufficiently put into practice how important in itself, just as beneficial for all branches of knowledge, is the beginning of the teaching: The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord, and understanding is good to all who do it (i.e., good knowledge is good for those who use it for good deeds); Piety in God is the beginning of feeling (Prov. 1:7). You are training your children to be future citizens, warriors, literati, writers, artists, industrialists: good, but do not neglect what is even better - do not neglect the education in them of the sons of the Church, the preparation of future citizens of heaven” 65. “What can we say about graceful upbringing, about educating children through pleasant arts? In favor of this branch of education we can say: church singing is an application of a pleasant art to education, worthy of praise and encouragement. Exercise in church singing and similar chants of spiritual and moral content through pleasure leads to benefit; it softens the heart, but does not pamper it, like other types of singing, it excites and nourishes sublime feelings, and not passions; occupying an innocent soul not only does not diminish its innocence; but also sanctifies it. Let us not hide our desire—without dwelling on whether it will come true—that this pure amusement from education through habit will pass into life, and that Christians, as once happened, not only in church, but also in the home, according to the instruction of the Apostle, speak to themselves in psalms and songs and spiritual songs, chanting and singing in their hearts... to the Lord (Eph. 5:19).” Usually “they use pleasant arts in education in such a way that, let us explain it as modestly as possible, they are flowers that do not bear fruit, and with which are connected thorns that pleasantly sting. On this subject, pious feeling, pure moral feeling and experienced prudence should be carefully called upon for advice on in what form and to what extent the pleasant should be allowed, so that under its cover the harmful does not creep in - effeminacy, absent-mindedness, addiction to sensual pleasures” 66. “Pleasant arts and knowledge provide human life, so to speak, with seasonings and delicacies, and not bread and food: wouldn’t it be strange to carefully collect as many seasonings and delicacies for the table as possible, and not worry about whether there will be bread and food?” 67 [The following can be noted about the upbringing and education of children in relation to gender differences. “The purpose of the male sex is family and social life beyond the family circle, therefore family, public and school education befits him. The purpose of the female sex is family life, therefore family upbringing also befits it. The youth, freed from family shyness at school, acquiring courage and agility and the habit of freely dealing with strangers, prepares through this for public life; a young woman, receiving such a direction, in some way deviates from the character and purpose inherent to her sex. They say that a mother who has been well-educated in school will better instruct her children. Doubtful. Every good mother will teach her child obedience, good behavior, modesty, piety, family love without science. School instruction is not conveyed so conveniently. We see examples that mothers who have not been to schools wisely raise their children with them, and, on the contrary, mothers who received an education in the best educational institutions for female children send their daughters to the same institutions. The mother, who learned out of necessity and with grief, sent her daughter to school; then the mother, who studied without any particular need, does not teach at home herself, but sends her to school. What is the fruit of school education? The family spirit is weakened, and the benefits of education are not far away” 68. “Isn’t it an unnecessary effort to fill schools with girls in greater numbers than boys? Will it be good for a wife to consider herself more learned than her husband? Wouldn’t it be more careful not to intensify the training of girls until experience shows with a smaller number of students what the fruit will be?” 69]. Part three. Responsibilities of children to parents 10. About honoring parents and obeying them. “The duties in relation to parents are prescribed by the fifth commandment under the general name of honoring them: Honor your father and your mother, that it may go well with you and that you may live long on earth (Exodus 20:12).” 70. The power of this commandment is especially revealed by comparing it with another: you shall love the Lord your God (Matthew 22:37). “How? Honor your father and love God? We We usually love what is closest to us and is similar to us, and we honor what is higher. Therefore, it seems that it would be more natural to demand love for the father and respect for God. No, says the Divine law: love God. As it is said: it is natural for you to love your father without the commandment; the commandment also teaches you something that would be difficult for you to understand without it; nature, but also honor God according to the inspiration of nature and conscience, but dare to draw closer to Him, which you would not have dared to do without the gracious commandment; love God as your father; “To show the importance of family positions and virtues for the subordinate members of the family, it is enough to point to one example, stronger than the law itself, because this is an example of the Legislator submitting to the law. When the young Jesus was found by His most blessed Mother and imaginary father in the church in conversation about subjects of spiritual wisdom and complained that He had abandoned them, then He gave them such an answer, with which, apparently, He freed Himself from the law of obedience to earthly parents, because He was busy with the work of His Heavenly Father. What is it like for Men? Isn’t it true that in those who are My Father, I am worthy of being? (Luke 2:49). But what then? Despite such a high right, He humbly bowed his neck under the yoke of the commandment, commanding him to honor his father and mother: And he departed from him and came to Nazareth and did not obey him (Luke 2:51). The duty of family obedience is so important that the Only Begotten Son of God delayed His entry into the work of God in order to fulfill this duty to his earthly mother and even to the very name of his father, which Joseph bore before the timely revelation of the secret of having no father on earth, and in order to re-sanctify by His example the duties and exalt the virtues of family life” 72. “And finally, when the sufferings of the cross tore the soul and body of the Savior, when with pierced limbs He hung so heavily on the nails between life and death, and on Him the whole world hung over destruction in anticipation of salvation, neither the torment of all hell, nor the care of the whole world, all times and eternity drowned out in Him the feeling of legal duty to the Mother. This duty, the fulfillment of which was cut short for Him along with earthly life, He then transferred to John, whom virginity and love made him a worthy servant of the Virgin Mother; and through this, in this part of the law, like in all others, he showed us the perfection that consists in respect for parents and care for them extending to all circumstances of life, to the grave and beyond the grave" 73 . “If, in such difficult circumstances, our Lord showed such perfect respect to His Mother, then, without a doubt, we must conclude that in other cases, although He, apparently, was alienated from Her, alienated not at all out of condemnation of the spiritual greatness that He created for Her by His birth from Her, but only out of respect for the other high duties of His earthly service. Let us remember His teaching: Whoever loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me: and whoever loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me (Matthew 10:37). So teaching, so He had to create, and by example give strength to the teaching, according to His own rule, that the great one in the Kingdom of Heaven should create and teach (Matthew 5:19). Therefore, it was necessary for the Lord Jesus sometime in His earthly life to show by His deed how completely He loves His earthly Mother, only not more than His Heavenly Father, and how He sacrifices filial love according to humanity to the work of God that He accomplishes.” Thus, “The Mother of Jesus demands that He miraculously produce wine at the wedding. But miracles are not intended to please the Mother, but to reveal the glory of God. So, here pleasing the Mother had to be sacrificed, and for the perfection of this sacrifice both the very thought of the Mother and the very name of the Mother were sacrificed: what (is) to Me and You, Woman? My hour has not come (John 2:4). However, the hour to reveal the glory of God, which did not come before this sacrifice, came after it, and therefore the miracle, which, apparently, was denied to the Mother, takes place a minute later. The mother of Jesus and His brothers come to take Him from home, where He preaches heavenly truth to a large crowd. They undertook this out of good intentions, considering Him to be in danger, because His enemies declared Him to be either frantic or acting through the prince of demons, and were plotting to destroy Him. But if He had submitted to the will of His relatives, then harm would have been done to the cause of God, not only because His preaching would have been interrupted untimely, but also because His enemies would have used His capture by His relatives as proof of slander - that He needed their care. So, here too the Mother had to be sacrificed to please her, and this sacrifice was again a complete burnt offering, i.e. The Lord sacrificed all His love for his beloved Mother and the very thought and memory of Her: who is My Mother? It was as if He were saying: “Why, by the will of an earthly mother, do you want to distract Me from fulfilling the will of the Heavenly Father? When these two wills pull in different directions: I know and will immediately show which of them should be followed and with what decisiveness. Leaving earthly birth and kinship, as if I had forgotten it, as if it had not existed at all: I am completely devoted to the will of the Heavenly Father, and to His work, and to His Kingdom; Here I am also looking for kinship for myself, if it is necessary to have it: who is My Mother, and who are My brothers? (Matthew 12:48). Who are they? Children of God who believe in His name, who were not born of blood, nor of carnal lust, nor of manly lust, but were born of God (John 1:12–13); or in other words: whoever does the will of My Father, whoever is in heaven, is My brother, and sister, and mother (Matthew 12:50)" 74. So, the fifth commandment prescribes the following “special duties in relation to parents: 1) treat them with respect; 2) obey them." “When your parents, relatives, mentors, bosses demand from you something that is contrary to your wisdom, your inclination, your taste, but what is necessary, or useful, or at least harmless, sacrifice your wisdom, your inclination, your taste for the duty of obedience; remember Jesus, the Wisdom of God, who did not obey Joseph the treemaker (Luke 2:51).” “But when the unfortunate example and desires of parents distract (children) from fulfilling sacred duties to God, they are drawn into deeds that are contrary to the law, that violate the peace of conscience, that are contrary to the true good and salvation of the immortal soul”; when “parents or leaders demand something contrary to faith or the law of God, then you must say to them, as the Apostles said to the Jewish leaders: if it is righteous before God to listen to you rather than to God, judge (Acts 4:19). And he must endure everything for faith and the law of God, no matter what follows” 75. 3) Children should “nourish and comfort their parents during illness and old age.” “When your parents require help, consolation, service, while you yourself are in need, in sorrow, in weakness, gather your last strength, forget your grief to ease their grief; share with them the last grain and the last drop. Remember Jesus, amidst the torment of the cross, caring for the peace of His Mother” 76. 4) “After their death, just as during their lifetime, pray for the salvation of their souls and faithfully fulfill their wills, not contrary to the law of God and the civil law” (2 Mac. 12:43–44; Jer. 35:18–19; St. John. Damascus, word about the dead). “God, in His wise and righteous providence, especially preserves the life and arranges the well-being of honoring parents on earth; to the perfect reward of perfect virtue he bestows immortal and blissful life in the heavenly fatherland.” “How easy and natural it is to love and honor our parents, to whom we owe our lives, so grave is the sin of disrespect for them. Therefore, in the Law of Moses, the death penalty was imposed for slander against father and mother (Ex. 21:16–17)” 77. 11. High importance of blessing in general and, in particular, parental. “Blessing by its name comes from a good word. If you want to find out where the good word comes from, where its original source and the deepest root of its power are, you will find it in the Divine Sage John: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was to God, and God was the Word... in Him was life, and life was light by man (John 1:1, 4). Since man was created in the image of God, from this we can conclude that in the gift of speech he received something in the image of the creative Word of God. St. John brings this idea to the highest degree of significance when he says that the very life or power that is in God the Word has become the light of men. The inner light of a person manifests itself in words. So, since God the Word speaks... and comes, and, moreover, all goodness is great (Gen. 1:36, 31), it is not surprising that man, when he is in an exalted state of the image of God, out of the fullness of faith in God the Word, Whose life is the light of man, from the depths of the goodness of the heart, utters the word, and it acts, turns out to be powerful, creates good” 78. “The world saw that the word of people subservient to us, in union with the truth of God and the truth of faith, and as a result of this, in union with the Word and Spirit of God, ruled over nature, healed the sick, drove away dark forces, and raised the dead” 79 . “If the Word of God, whether appearing openly in the mouths of people close to God, or acting secretly from their hearts, creates miraculous works, in some way imitating the creative actions of the Divine, then it should no less be clear and reliable that the same Word of God, through the same people in the same ways, speaks and teaches blessings, in some way imitating the actions of Divine Providence. So, to bless, in the strongest sense of the word, means to extend the action of God’s Word to God’s creations. The one who blesses is the one who mediates with good will between the Word of God and God’s creation. According to this concept, the supreme and universal dispenser of blessings is Jesus Christ, the Intercessor of God and men, the God-man, in whom the Word became flesh (John 1:14). That is why blessing was the most ancient feature by which He was designated even to the patriarchs, for example, to Abraham: and through your seed all the nations of the earth will be blessed (Gen. 22:18). That is why the Apostle, wanting to depict the benefits of Christ to the human race, said that God the Father has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in heaven in Christ (Eph. 1:3). That is why (spiritual shepherds), when teaching a borrowed blessing, usually use the name of Jesus Christ in particular, or as part of the name of the Most Holy Trinity, and the sign of the cross of Christ. The priest is the dispenser of blessings according to the order of grace-filled secret teaching. Even in the original decree about the legal priesthood, God said to the priests: Bless the children of Israel. And again about them: and let the children of Israel put my name on them, and I will bless the Lord (Num. 6:23, 27). And in the New Testament, when the Lord commanded the Apostles and the successors of their ministry until the end of the age to teach, baptize, and generally perform the mysteries, in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19). Through this He placed in them the power of His blessing, and gave them the power to teach it. Judge therefore whether the blessing of the priesthood is worthy of attention. One should not think about which hand, or in which vessel, but which Divine Vine the spiritual wine is served through the blessing of a servant of Christ. Among the teachers of borrowed blessing, parents are in some way natural intermediaries between the creative Word and their children, since in some way they completed the work of creation on them, bringing them into the world. That is why parental blessing is naturally important and powerful, especially if through piety it is elevated to the power of grace. In this way, the blessings of the patriarchs are amazing. For example, Noah’s blessing to Japheth: May God spread Japheth (Gen. 9:27), now, after several thousand years, how strongly it still operates in the descendants of Japheth, the Europeans, who do not cease to spread their settlements, trade, power, religion, morals to all countries of the world” 80. So, parents should “bless their children with a loving heart and try to increase the power of their natural blessing, attracting the power of grace through piety and faith. Children! Treasure the blessing of your parents a thousand times more than any other inheritance, for through it, by faith, you can receive the blessing of the Father, from which every fatherland in heaven and on earth is named (Eph. 3:15). Honor your father and mother in deed and word, may you find blessings from them. For the Father’s blessing establishes the homes of children (Sir. 3:8–9)" 81. 12. The importance of the virtues of family life in relation to society and the state. “The family is older than the state. Man, spouse, wife, father, son, mother, daughter and the positions and virtues inherent in these names existed before the family grew into a people and a state was formed. Therefore, family life in relation to state life is in some way the root of a tree. For a tree to turn green, bloom and bear fruit, the root must be strong and bring pure sap to the tree. So that state life develops strongly and correctly, prospers with education, bears the fruit of public prosperity - for this it is necessary that family life be strong with blessed marital love, sacred parental authority, childish respect and obedience, and that, as a result, from the pure elements of family life, equally pure principles of state life naturally arise, so that with respect for the parent, reverence for the sovereign is born and grows, so that the love of the child for the mother is a precursor to love for the fatherland, so that simple-minded obedience at home prepares and guides self-sacrifice and self-forgetfulness in obedience to the laws and sacred power of the autocrat, acting directly or through the authorities appointed by him. The state is made up of families, and family members are formed into members of the great composition of the state. Although the power of the general life of the body can more or less correct particular shortcomings and damage in the health of the members, but, without a doubt, it can manifest itself more fully and perfectly in the movements of healthy and undamaged members. Thus, although state power can correct private shortcomings and vices of family life, it is even better for the state the less these corrections are needed, the more healthy members of the family are placed at the disposal of the state, the more accurately domestic honesty and kindness are prepared and preserved for use in exploits and virtues in the field of public life” 82. Therefore, “if fathers and rulers of families, as the Apostle puts it, rule their own house well (1 Tim. 3:4); if in their domestic dominion they act correctly and faithfully, judiciously using power, an experienced word, a good example; if they keep their household in order and obedience, instill in them the fear of God, love for their neighbors, loyalty to the sovereign and the fatherland, and guard their morals with a vigilant watch, then in addition to the fact that through this they fulfill the duty assigned by nature, and consequently by its Creator, that they prepare for themselves the fruit of family consolations, in addition to all this, by such action they also perform a service in favor of the state, the good consequences of which can even extend to descendants... “God gave Abraham the following promise: I will make you great, great, and make you one of the nations (Gen. 17:6). Was there some kind of valor that acquired such a great and extensive hereditary promise to Abraham? This is not yet the only valor of self-sacrifice with which, by the will of God, he was ready to sacrifice his only begotten son; for this happened afterward; but not so unparalleled is the valor of an immaculate husband, practicing domestic piety, ruling his house well, protecting home peace and family harmony with the sacrifice of his own benefits (Gen. 13), and at the risk of his own being ready to deliver his family from disaster (Gen. 14). So, Abraham in this case represents the image of family valor, and God’s prophecy to him is an image of the hereditary good consequences of such valor” 83. On the contrary, violating the laws of marriage and family life has bad consequences for children, society and the state. Thus, “an unblessed marriage deprives the family of God’s blessing. Children learn that their parents did not respect the laws, and they easily come to the conclusion that they do not need to respect the law any more than their parents. The decline in morality, begun by parents, continues in children. The state consists of families. Disturbed components will upset the whole. Therefore, it is natural to expect from the violation of the laws of marriage and chastity those social consequences that the Prophet depicts: fornication spread across the earth, and blood mixes with blood. For this reason the earth will mourn and be humbled along with all those who dwell on it (Hos. 4:2–3). When the wives of the Romans were ready to die for the purity of marriage, Rome grew and strengthened. But when he plunged into vices contrary to the purity of marriage, he fainted before the uneducated, but not upset by such vices, nature of the barbarians, despite the fact that he possessed almost the entire universe” 84. “Moses believes that the first cause of the misfortune of the first world was the wrong marriages of the sons of God with the daughters of men (Gen. 6:1–4)” 85. Russian Star., 1886, book. 8, p. 280. "Words and Speeches" by St. Philaret is quoted here from the edition: vol. I – 1873; Vol. II – 1874; Vol. III – 1877; Vol. IV - 1882; Vol. V - 1885; Catechism - 1886; “The Outline of Church Biblical History” - 1857; Notes on the book of Genesis - 1867 Notes on the book of Genesis, part I, p. 45. Bible ist. 10, Wed. Notes on Genesis, I, 49. Notes on Genesis, I, 49. Notes on Genesis, I, 95. Catechism, 74; Words and Speeches, V, 165. Collection pl. and review. Filar., add. t., p. 220; vol. IV, p. 521–522, cf. vol. V, part I, p. 450–451. Words and Speeches, V, 569; Notes on the book of Genesis, I, 24, cf. P.F. to the archbishop Alexy, s. 185. Notes on Genesis, I, 25. Words and Speeches, V, 336, 572. Collection pl. and review F. vol. V, part I, p. 69; Words and Speeches, IV, 376–377. Ibid. and Sl. IV, 28–29; Catechism, 75. Words and Speeches, V, 291, cf. Bible ist., 290. Catechism, 75; Words and Speeches, IV, 29. Notes on Genesis, I, 46. Assembled. opinions and feedback. Phil., vol. IV, p. 519–520. Words and Speeches, III, 6–9, cf. Notes on Genesis, i, 104; Words and Speeches, V, 537. Words and Speeches, III, 99–100. Ibid. and Notes on Genesis, I, 80. Words and Speeches, III, 100–102. Catechism, 122, cf. Notes on the book of Genesis, 1, 24–25. Words and Speeches, II, 114; Catechism, 121–122, 127. Collection pl. and review F., vol. V, part I, p. 69–70. Notes on Genesis, I, 48; Catechism, 28. Notes on Genesis, I, 68. Words and Speeches, III, 347–349. Ibid., 349, cf. sl. IV, 210. Words and Speeches, IV, 211; Wed P. F. to A. N. Muravyov, p. 77. P. F. to Anthony I, p. 254. Letters to Phil. to relatives, s. 388. P. F. to A. N. Muravyov, p. 76. Words and Speeches, V, 61, cf. II, 403–404. Words and Speeches, III, 350–351. Words and Speeches, V, 473–474, 476. Words and Speeches, V, 474–475, cf. Catechism, 118. Words and Speeches, V, 475–476. Collection pl. and review F., add. t., p. 43–47. Words and Speeches, V, 250–251. Words and Speeches, III, 351–352. Collection pl. and review vol. III, p. 572. Words and speeches, IV, 78. cf. III, 111. Ibid., 114, Catechism, 119. Catechism, 115. Words and Speeches, III, 114. Words and Speeches, III, 231–232. Words and Speeches, V, 453, cf. III, 233–234. Words and Speeches, III, 234–235. Ibid., 286, cf. Catechism, 116. Collection pl. and review F., vol. V, part I, p. 70. Notes on Genesis, I, 107. You might be interested in: