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1. Pride is the most destructive passion, and all the more destructive because it is pure from the outside. Pride is in feelings, not in external position Pride is the most destructive passion, and all the more destructive because it is pure from the outside. What the elders told you about pride as a child means that God wants you to humble yourself, and is ready to give you humility if you ask for it. But the fact that you are now in a higher position and richer is not a violation of the old man’s words. Pride is in feelings, not in external position. And great kings are the most humble... St. David is a king of shepherds, but he said: I am a worm, and not a man, a reproach of men and a humiliation of people 30... (1, p. 73) 2. Self-worth - hidden pride, manifested by unpleasantness and annoyance at the reproacher After all, we have or sometimes have a very deep-lying self-value. Then the language or memory reads the words indicated or similar to them... but in the soul it holds: “not like the others.” And it’s amazing that this cunning of our soul is almost impossible to notice. So it hides until the Lord somehow calls it out and shows it in all its ugliness. We ourselves need to guess his presence only from the fact that the reproachful speeches of others, in front of or behind the scenes, respond with unpleasantness or annoyance to the speakers. Please inquire about yourself, what kind of soul it is in such cases. At the same time, there is a big obstacle from self-justification (1, p. 125). 3. Well-being - a sense of your meaning, its significance in spiritual life and the fight against it How can you live without worries and worries? But everything in moderation, and most importantly - with surrender to the will of God. You all want to arrange for the children yourself, but you don’t provide anything to God. But in reality, you need to give everything to God, without ceasing, of course, your care, but without giving it too much importance. If God does not bless the children, then what will you do alone? May God not look at them with indifference because of your worries? And it will turn out that with your troubles you will not achieve anything lasting and God will not do anything for them because of you. Instead of good, bad will come out. Be sure of this and moderate your concern. It's the enemy who's bothering you. With any mental weakness, you should immediately turn to the Lord in prayer, asking Him to heal. Then, using the means that depend on you and your own efforts, wait for help from above, and the Lord will send help and heal in due time. Without the Lord, no good takes root in the heart (1, p. 127). Irritability, anger, impatience, fussiness - of course, all these are not good children. But the good thing is that you are aware of their bad quality. Find their parents and strangle them. Then the children will disappear on their own. See if you are feeling well, i.e. a feeling of importance or, negatively, a lack of feeling that you are nothing. This is the most intimate feeling, but it turns everything around in life. The first requirement from him is that everything be our way, and if this does not happen, then we murmur at God and are angry with people. From him is the confidence that we can do and arrange everything ourselves, using invented means, we expect that everything will be as we came up with. From the fact that you begin a task without diligent prayer, and continue the same, and end again with grumbling, if something is not our way, and a feeling of complacency, if it is our way. In all this you think of God as a third party, and not as an active person. So, take a closer look to see if this is there, and if it is there, at least to a small extent, take care to restore the feeling of your insignificance in all respects. And always pray to the Lord for this (1, pp. 127–128). 4. Touchiness comes from its own price. About the fight against self-worth and its manifestation Touchiness comes from self-worth, by which one recognizes and feels oneself worth a lot; why, when someone dares not to give us our due, we get angry and plot revenge... You do a good thing that you don’t let these feelings go to waste, but it’s not a good thing that you sometimes let them linger in you for a long time. For several days the enemy unleashes a storm of revenge on you. Try to do this so that, without missing a minute, you can take charge of yourself and ruin your self-worth. Do not look at the offender and the offense; here you will find more support for resentment and revenge, but throw it out of your head and clothe yourself in the sackcloth of insignificance. The apostle says that he flatters himself who thinks that he is anything. This “something” needs to be ruined and thrown out the window. A feeling of insignificance will come, consider yourself worthy of all humiliation and insult, and then resentment and vengeance will evaporate by themselves. You only need to work hard to destroy the self-tsen once... and then it will be easy to deal with it, and it will soon die out completely. Then some kind of support for the inner world is formed in the soul! When there is self-worth, it is not the attitude only towards people that outrages, but it also torments the attitude towards God - and he is as cunning as demons, and cleverly hides behind humble words, sitting in the heart... Take care of this. You are doing well to lament these feelings and open them to your spiritual father. But it seems that you do this when you tear someone’s heart out with something; but even some feelings, even if they don’t break through, need to be opened. This is among the means of ruining self-worth. But self-worth destroys your entire life, so it’s worth working hard to destroy it. Then I write so much about him (pp. 140–141). 5. Impatience, touchiness, unpeacefulness, compliance with disturbing thoughts are a consequence of pride Do you confess your sin, that you are impatient, touchy, unpeaceful, yielding to disturbing thoughts? This is very bad. All out of pride. If there was humility, nothing like this would happen. So, if you please, try to convince yourself that you are worth nothing, no attention or honor, that you are worth more insults, not only in word, but also in deed. When you convince yourself of this and feel your insignificance, then everything will pass peacefully for you. Regarding all thoughts, keep the following rule: as soon as you notice them, drive them away without any reasoning and remain with the thought of one Lord, the Savior, who is omnipresent and sees everything... They will not confuse you. Please take on this now (1, p. 145). 6. Self is the root of sins Selfishness is the root of sins. He who falls away from God can stop at what else if not at himself? And he stops. Here is the self. Perhaps the spirit of blasphemy is given to bother you so much for the reason that there is an excess of selfhood. So start fighting it right away (1, p. 153). 7. Irritability - from pride Your irritability, sometimes capricious, will pass as soon as you get used to walking in the presence of God, under the all-seeing eye of God. She's out of pride. Humility will drive it away, as well as the consciousness that one must spread goodness around oneself (1, p. 248). 8. Warning against a sense of righteousness that harms prayer Most of all, we need to be wary of deviations into righteousness. As soon as you start to dodge into it, know that you have started to walk crookedly. Then grab yourself by the feet and mercilessly drag yourself back into sin. Of course, a sense of righteousness and a sense of sinfulness. The Lord only accepts those who come to Him with a sense of sinfulness. From the one who comes to Him in a sense of righteousness, He turns away. He came to save sinners, not the righteous. God will not despise a contrite and humble heart (2, pp. 102–103). 9. How to avoid self-importance As for conceit, once and for all make it a rule to drive away such questions without pity as soon as they arise. This is the enemy's creation. If you dwell on this question, then the enemy will immediately give you a solution: oh, of course, that’s... You’re doing great! Then the young man will rise on stilts, begin to dream about himself, and put others at nothing. And grace will depart. But the enemy will keep him thinking that she is with him. And this is: to pretend to have, when there is nothing. The Holy Fathers wrote: “do not measure yourself.” And to take and solve that question means to begin to measure yourself, how much you have grown. So please run from this like fire (2, pp. 179–180). 10. Conceit leads to sins Conceit went along with vanity. Together they gave birth to laziness. Laziness says: what do we need? What have we become? We can give ourselves some freedom... And the freedom began... You have this whole path written down: “Laziness has overcome me so much that I don’t want to look at anything.” If you have reached the clouds above, then what is the need to force yourself? “Vanity—whether to serve the camp, pray, or read teachings—overwhelms.” How can you and I not be vain? We know the smart prayer. And well, walk like a peacock. O.M. ... – lapwing... If you please call yourself that. The lapwing is some kind of bird, proudly performing, but lousy, clumsy, powerless and cowardly. So call yourself that. Either you and I lounged on the sofa like a spiritual millionaire (laziness), then from the bell tower we began to look at everyone like small fry worth a penny (vanity with pride). And then, as soon as the enemy appeared, we went into the bushes... or even worse: here, take it... And they didn’t lift a finger. And now please see what a spiritual hero and rich man you are! Then the Lord allowed this fall, so that you could tangibly see how insignificant your strength and your firmness in good are. What happened must be considered a real fall (2, pp. 183–184). 11. About self-indulgence and self-pity The self-pity you complain about is dangerous and self-defeating. If you have to indulge yourself due to illness, then that’s okay. But if it’s on the pretext of illness, then that’s bad. Here you can see deceit in front of yourself - the most evil of all deceits. You seem to look at self-pity very lightly, considering cases of yielding to it as unimportant actions. You have a big mistake here. Cases of self-pity, of course, are insignificant, but the presence of this self-pity in the soul is not insignificant. Because what does it mean? This means that self-pleasing in you and I is stronger than pleasing God. We decided to do this and that, realizing that it was necessary in the matter of establishing a saving life and therefore pleasing to God, and then we refuse this for no other reason than because this refusal is more pleasant for us - body or soul. This means that this time we are moving from pleasing God to self-pleasing. Conscience sees our wrongness and worries. She's right. I shouldn’t have tied myself down: I would do this and that in forms of asceticism when I didn’t have the confidence to overcome myself every time. For example: they decided not to drink tea, and then drank a cup. And you worry. It’s not a big deal to drink a cup, but the big thing is that your conscience is offended and that things are allowed to happen that violate your previous decisions. This destroys the internal structure and develops the habit of not listening to conscience when it indicates what is due. And here... and fearlessness will come, and complete indifference to pleasing God! It is better not to bind yourself to the smallest detail with rules, but to have one thing in common: to act contrary to the demands of self-indulgence every time. And if we allow some kind of benefit to the body, then it is not out of indulgence, but out of awareness of the need for health. Not drinking tea is good and healthy. But as in other cases it gives vigor to the body, you can sometimes drink a cup. So it should be put: I will abstain from tea from time to time. Because sometimes it's very easy to get around. Otherwise, it’s best not to bog yourself down with such details. And keep the general thing: do not please the flesh; and act in this spirit, making decisions each time (2, pp. 186–187). I used tea as an example, but this is how one must act in relation to everything: food, sleep, walking and rest, etc. Anything that interferes with the internal order should not be allowed under any circumstances (2, p. 187). No success, you say. And it won’t happen as long as there is self-indulgence and self-pity. Self-pity and self-indulgence directly indicate that “I” predominates in the heart, not the Lord. Self-love is the sin living in us, from which all sinfulness comes and which makes the whole person sinful, from head to toe, as long as it takes place in the soul. And when the whole person is sinful, how will grace come to him? It will not come, just as a bee will not go to where there is smoke. The presence of self-love is a sign that the first decision to work for the Lord was formed incompletely and unsuccessfully. This decision has two ends: one - let him deny himself, the second - let him come after Me 31... The first requires the complete suppression of egoism, or self-love, and, consequently, the prevention of self-indulgence and self-pity - neither great nor small. Consequently, in whomever they are, the solution was incomplete. Such a decision makes a person similar to those persons about whom the Apocalypse says: neither warm nor cold 32 ... neither this nor that... One wants to be saved, but self-resistance is not allowed. God and mammon cannot work (2, pp. 187–188). 12. About means of combating self-pity What you have (in the inner man), and here too, without fighting, you need to. You thought that you had started - and immediately to the third heaven... You must first put in the work and sweat, then the fruits will begin to appear. But the urgent condition is not to feel sorry for yourself. Not feeling sorry for yourself does not mean heaping mountains on yourself, but dragging on the same ordinary monastic life, not allowing any weakening in anything (2, p. 189). They call in the morning. Self-pity says: lie down for a minute... Don’t listen - and that’s a blow to self-pity. Standing in church, you feel the urge to open your legs and lean against the wall. Refuse and stand in line - still a blow. The thought came to me: let me go out and get some air; refuse - and another blow. I came home from Matins: let me lie down - don’t let me. Give me a book while I lie down and read it... don’t let me sit down and read. That’s all, and every step will be a blow to self-pity (2, p. 189). 13. How to get rid of touchiness It seemed to me that you were coddling yourself like a child. It is best if you completely forget yourself and only think about how not to anger God with anything displeasing to Him in thoughts, words and deeds. If you are not careful and pay a lot of attention to people’s speeches and glances, you will make yourself (sorry) hard to touch - a boil, the most sensitive even to the movement of air, and not just to touch (2, p. 206). Look at both yourself. Here is the measure: he who is humble cannot see anyone treating him below his dignity; for he considers himself so low that no one can treat him lower, no matter how hard he contrives. This is wisdom (2, p. 206). 14. Self-esteem is the most dangerous feeling The merciful Lord called you and put you on a good path. Thank the Lord! And this is from the Lord, that, having come out from there... keep well in the order of life according to God. Hold on tight: don’t close your eyes, looking sharply here and there, for the enemy does not sleep. He doesn’t lag behind you, but is immediately looking to see if he can confuse you again, but the grace of God covers you and does not give you an attack... As soon as grace retreats for something, he will immediately begin to turn around - deliver you, Lord! Now you are already vainglorious, as you wrote. This is on the enemy side. Vanity is the fruit of his field. And it is such that grace departs for it. Be careful (3, p. 170)! And what did you decide to be proud of?! With tears! Tears are crying about sins. When vanity comes due to tears, you turn your gaze to your sins... and say to your soul: see what you have piled up! Is there anything to be proud of here?! If you do this sincerely, then instead of vanity you will perceive bitter contrition, which you always try to have under your tears (3, pp. 170–171). I think that tears keep you from feeling better or feeling better about yourself. This feeling is the most dangerous. Work hard to deepen the feeling that you are nothing. The apostle threatens you: if anyone thinks that he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself and the truth is not in him (3, p. 171). 15. Steps along the road of pride and means of combating it Please, above all, be careful not to get on the road to pride and get stuck there. The first step on this road is self-valued - a secret feeling that I am something and not nothing; the second is conceit or well-being - the feeling that I am not only something, but also something important both before people and before God... Therefore, try in every possible way to be in a sincere feeling of complete self-abasement. To do this, bring to your mind more often what sins or mistakes you made in your previous life, and condemn yourself for them (3, p. 209). 16. Warning from self-price Do not forget to guard yourself from self-worth. This thin snake - and you won’t notice how it will slip... and lift your heart... (3, p. 219). But look... Samotsen is as cunning as a demon. May the Lord enlighten you! You write that you have no self-worth because your whole soul strives to praise the Lord and you feel how it is drawn to Him with your whole being. This is a very good state, normal... The feeling that the soul is drawn to the Lord is secret prayer, and it alone can replace prayers... For this is unceasing prayer (3, p. 238)! The Lord does not leave you with His mercy and tangibly allows you to feel His favor towards you in grace-filled enlightenments of the mind and spiritual consolations. As it is especially true... the enemy, who is trying to destroy everyone, is more likely to notice you and begin to set up his machinations. Therefore, be careful above all others. I remind you almost every time: do not slacken in your accepted deeds, but even more so, pay attention to yourself and do not allow self-worth to creep in on you. This demon is more cunning than all demons and manages to crawl into the soul through the most inconspicuous hole. He will sit there and ruin everything (3, p. 240). 18. The Lord sometimes leaves weaknesses of character for humility If you want to follow a narrow path - good, good! Keep this desire and kindle it so that it takes root and becomes a continuous concern and with the corresponding deeds. Seek and you will find. The Lord will give everything. For your part, do not just abandon this concern of seeking and in every possible way avoid resting in yourself. Because in connection with this: “get fat and forget God...” - not materially, but spiritually. You are on a good path. And thank God! That there are holes is in the order of things. Just don’t neglect them and every time you recognize them, lament and, confessing your weakness to the Lord, pray to deliver you from it. The Lord sometimes leaves weaknesses of character behind us for humility. If it were not for them, we would immediately fly above the clouds and set up our throne there. And this is destruction (4, p. 10). 19. About the fight against self-esteem The second ailment—conceit—is more important. Because there is already trouble here, but it won’t happen. To suppress conceit, read “The Invisible Warfare.” There seems to be a lot of information about this there. Learn, most importantly, to attribute all good things to the Lord as the reason... and thank Him... This is the beginning of humility! Increase it by indicating to yourself... is there as much good in you as the Lord wants from you and how much strength has he given you? If you decide in good conscience, you will see... that your very goodness will expose you to fault. Is everything okay with you? Of course not. So remember these faults... they will hide the serviceability from your eyes... and there will be nothing to boast about. That they didn’t go to godfathers is nothing (4, p. 82). 20. Self-worth is the first enemy in spiritual life and the cause of delusion Be afraid of delusion... You must be afraid... But avoid the fundamental delusion, and others will not have a place. The fundamental delusion is to think and, even worse, to feel that I am something, when I am nothing. I call this self-price. Take note of this and make this self-worth your first enemy. Don’t let him sit inside, otherwise he will destroy you... This is an apostolic lesson: he who imagines himself to be something, worthless, deceives himself (4, pp. 149–150). 21. A sense of righteousness is a sign of deviating from the right path in spiritual life The feeling of righteousness is a big problem for us. Remember that as soon as this feeling comes, even to a weak extent, it means that your business has gone wrong. The more sinful you feel, the more right your path is. But we must strive to ensure that the feeling of one’s sinfulness comes naturally from the depths of the soul, and is not inspired from the outside by one’s own reflection or an outside word (4, pp. 179–180). 22. Conceit comes from blowing one’s own trumpet and judging others. It seems to me that judgment and decisions over others are constantly taking place in your soul. Take a good look. If this is not every minute, but occasionally, then this is a considerable problem. Two things come out of self-conceit: blowing a trumpet before oneself and judging others. Here is an evil trio that is rushing into destruction. We need to unharness and sell these fierce horses. Then it will turn out: if you drive more quietly, you will go further. Please take better care of yourself (4, pp. 184–185). 23. The danger in the spiritual life of self-conceit Having learned the will of God, we must pray for help in carrying it out... Deliver you, Lord, from arrogance. We ourselves must exert ourselves with all our might, but always expect successful accomplishment from the Lord, remembering His word: without Me you can do nothing 33 . Here we must be wary lest a thought creep in, and even more so a feeling: I am not like the others... And we must also be wary of dreamy hopes: oh, now everything will work out for me... this way and that... miracle, how good. Such dreams always end in shame... Beware of all this, so be sure that you will comprehend (6, p. 60). 24. Self-esteem and turmoil within. Anyone who is arrogant is an abomination to the Lord "Disturbance within." You correctly determined that it has its own value. From self-worth, self-conceit; For the sake of self-conceit, grace departs, for everyone who is arrogant is an abomination to the Lord. What are we without grace?! That's the trouble. She is an admonishing scourge and without saying anything says: stop, where are you going, you insignificant creature?! And you still ask: is it really possible to learn humility only through falling?! Thank God that there are such intelligible retreats of grace! If even with them we are complacent and superior, what would happen without them (6, p. 80). Disorder inside is always from disordered thoughts. Keep them on a leash, and in order to be in time for this... guard the memory of God and the memory of death. God is everywhere and sees everything... and sees everything inside of you. Go with this thought in your heart and observe the movements that happen there - accept some, reject others (6, p. 80). 25. Conceit is the first enemy in spiritual life Beware of conceit. It is the first enemy. Our goodness before God, while still only intentional, already gives rise to the thought of some specialness of ours before others and even before our past selves, especially when we manage to do something along this path. As soon as we stand in this order for a little while, it seems like something wondrous - and we begin to dream of ourselves as perfect persons, performing wondrous deeds. And the enemy is inciting this in order to arouse self-esteem. Whoever gives in and falls into this conceit, grace immediately departs from him and leaves him alone. Then the enemy seizes him as a helpless prey (9, p. 168). 26. About the fight against doubts Consider yourself such a person as one who experiences suggestions for some sinful deed or evil lust. And learn to act in the same way in relation to doubts as he acts in relation to lusts. The first method for one experiencing evil inclinations is not to consider the suggestions as one’s own, but as the all-born, to put a separation between oneself and this all-everything and, recognizing it as alien, to treat it not as one’s own creation, but as an enemy’s creation. Hence, the compulsion to act according to the suggestion of the experienced is not immediately weakened in the soul, but completely departs from it. They usually believe: your nature demands - how can you not satisfy it? But whoever immediately recognizes the born wish as an alien creation, it is not this situation that comes to mind, but something completely different. He turns to desire with questions and subjects it to analysis and criticism. This simplest technique dispels temptation: it disappears like smoke from the wind. This is exactly what you should do whenever you have doubts (8, pp. 206–207). But I am a worm, and not a man, reproach among men and humiliation among the people (Ps. 23:7). ...deny yourself... and follow Me (Matthew 16:24). neither cold nor hot (Rev. 3:15). without Me you can do nothing (John 15:5). You might be interested in: