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1. Perfection can also be achieved in family life by extinguishing and eradicating passions You can take secret tonsure, but wait. Perfection can be achieved even in the midst of family life... You just need to extinguish and eradicate passions. Pay all your attention to this (1, p. 139). 2. Without ceasing your care, entrust everything to the Providence of God How can you live without worries and worries? But everything in moderation, and most importantly - with surrender to the will of God. You all want to arrange for the children yourself, but you don’t provide anything to God. But in reality, you need to give everything to God, without ceasing, of course, your care, but without giving it too much importance. If God does not bless the children, then what will you do alone? May God not look at them with indifference because of your worries (1, pp. 126-127)? With any mental weakness, you should immediately turn to the Lord in prayer, asking Him to heal. Then, using the means that depend on you and your own efforts, wait for help from above, and the Lord will send help and heal in due time. Without the Lord, no good takes root in the heart (1, p. 127). 3. Grief over the excommunication of a son Your excommunication, spoken to your son, was the fruit of zeal for God and love for your son, which sought to enlighten him in this way. What kind of sin is that?! Another thing is the thought of the power of this excommunication. But where did you find that individual excommunication, no matter how loudly you shout it, really excommunicates you from the Church? It has become, and there is nothing to see here (1, pp. 149–150)! 4. Family is a life’s cross for the head Family is a life’s cross for the head! Be patient, submitting to the Lord, and, doing everything on your part, surrender everything to the will of God (1, p. 228). 5. In family life, carry out affairs according to the consciousness that the will of God is being fulfilled And in your family life you have a duty... Fulfilling it is not vanity. Just do such things with the consciousness that you are doing the will of God. Vanity is matters of satisfying passions, also unnecessary and useless (1, p. 247). 6. Wife, mother, mistress - these are your possessions. Your ministers are your head, your hands and feet, and your soul and strength. The Code of Laws are the commandments of the Gospel... Watch your ministers more strictly Wife, mother, mistress - these are your possessions. Your ministers are your head, your hands and feet, and your soul and strength. Law codes are the commandments of the Gospel. Watch your ministers more closely, otherwise they are always ready to take advantage of the oversight of the ruler... and they will only pull everyone to their advantage, and not to the common good (2, p. 81). 7. Detachment from everything in the heart is possible for everyone, renunciation by deed is not the property of everyone Detachment from the whole heart is possible for everyone and, as can be seen from the Savior’s Discourse on the Mount, obligatory for everyone; but renunciation by deed is not the property of everyone. Free your heart from love. Enough. These are the signs of this feat: if there is no hope in one’s own prosperity, if there is a readiness to calmly endure when the Lord would like to take everything; if the hand is pliable to help without stopping, coming from the heart... and the like. When this is achieved through quest and feasible feat, that’s enough for us! Suddenly you can’t control your heart (2, p. 82). 8. About moving away from noisy society. Everyday troubles and the work of salvation You were right when you said that in a noisy society it is difficult to maintain attention to God and to protect yourself from words and thoughts – sometimes empty, sometimes unkind. This is the way of social life. And your desire to stay away from this noise is very natural. If you both agree on this desire, then what else can stop you from fulfilling it? And God will bless (6, p. 104). Peaceful activities at home - what a pleasure! Here only you will be the real gentlemen. And there are slaves... and we won’t be able to say whose! It just shows that you have no control over your time, your activities, or yourself. Everything has been taken away, and someone is pushing you around, and with such despotism that it is impossible to resist. Who is this prince there?! Please sort it out. If you find yourself in the truth, make sure to thoroughly flee from the dark, dark light (2, p. 83). You are a family man. You cannot help but worry about everyday things. This is not prohibited; on the contrary, it is commanded to work in order to have a living and help others. You just need to not torment yourself with worries and, while working, place all your hope in God, and return everything that God gives in excess to Him through the poor, as the Lord’s dues (2, p. 83). After all, it’s no wonder to be saved. You just need eyes and energy. It's simple. Be with God in thought and in body, do the deeds that are assigned to you according to the commandment. That's it! Is this a lot (2, p. 83)? 9. Complete carelessness does not suit people bound by family ties and everyday responsibilities Keep to the Lord and His commandments, and everything will be fine. You cannot take upon yourself what only people who have renounced the world can do. Complete carelessness is their business; and you have business and business to do. You are a husband, a father, an owner, and you can be anything else. Each of these titles imposes on you responsibilities determined by the commandments of God. Fulfilling them is your work for salvation. This is how God has judged you. Abide in this!.. One thing is our concern, so that our motives in our deeds are pure. Do everything for the glory of God. Read the Gospel and Epistles and take lessons from there (2, pp. 98–99). 10. Instruction on the impact on an unbelieving son Your concern is your son. What to do? Satan unleashed all his hordes on Russia, because she alone is the power that contains the truth... And now we see what great successes he has among us. We see, but we don’t know how to act against this, and we don’t know how to take on this matter, and we don’t even feel the desire... It’s a bitter head... In this, however, there is no consolation for you! Even though her son dies along with others, the mother still cannot help but worry about him. Hurt and pray! That's all I can tell you. You could reason with him. Try it... Only in private, so that no one is there, and speak directly to his heart... Then try, what grounds does he have for unbelief? And then slowly destroy these foundations. Try one after another and ruin everything. They don’t have anything solid and solid, but the wind blew in, and the spirit persists like this... (evil)! When, after destroying the fragile foundations of unbelief, he is left with nothing, then offer your reasons, and until then do not expose them, but only ruin him. And everyone pray. God will help - and his soul will be enlightened. He hid the icon so they wouldn't see it. There is no reproach in this. Tell him that he can hide everything too...i.e. and pray to God, and go to church, hiding this from others... And when this fails, let him do everything internally, let him turn to God in his soul and pray... And this will be a real thing, pleasing to God. And let him keep his faith. Let him review the Creed every morning and evening (2, pp. 140–141). 11. Guidelines for encouraging your son to pray You say that your son prays little, i.e. stands little and rarely at prayer and reads prayers? Maybe this is inconvenient for the job. Tell him that you can pray not while standing in prayer, but inside, in your heart turning to God as Father, Guardian, Helper and all-round Trustee... and then ask, then thank. This can be done in any place and at any time, both alone and in community. Let him hear what the Lord says: “Son, give me your heart!” And let him give it back. May the Lord protect him (2, p. 153)! 12. Mothers – participants in martyrdom About my son - woe! Sick. I always say to mothers who care for their children... You are partakers of martyrdom, expect such a crown (2, p. 159). 13. Marriage does not close the door to the Kingdom of Heaven and does not interfere with Christian perfection Married life does not close the door to the Kingdom of Heaven; it may not interfere with improving oneself in spirit. It is not a matter of external orders, but of internal dispositions, feelings and aspirations. Try to plant them in your heart. Read the Gospel and the Apostle and see how a Christian should be configured, and take care to be so configured. Little by little everything will come and take its place. The main thing is prayer. She is a barometer of spiritual life. You must constantly be with the Lord, for without Him there will be no success in anything (1, p. 118). 14. Congratulations to the newlyweds Congratulations on your marriage. God bless the newlyweds, I wish you health, peace and love (1, p. 47)! 15. Living in a family and saved by family virtues Whoever lives in a family receives salvation from family virtues. But the point is not to present everything in an excellent way, but to do everything possible. Once everything is done, there is no need to torture yourself. Of course, you shouldn’t act carelessly, but you shouldn’t torment yourself either, leaving everything to the Lord (2, p. 200; 8, p. 6). 16. Family and civil life can be secular and holy, pleasing to God Family and civil life is not in itself worldly, but happens when passions and their satisfaction are squeezed into the order of such a life. There are commandments for family and civil life. If you lead this life in such a way that the commandments dominate in it, driving away everything passionate, then it will not be a worldly life, but a holy life, blessed by God (3, p. 28). 17. About the son who is not good at science If there is no success, then taking your son out of school is a reasonable thing... God bless you to do this... There are many people in the world... who... are businessmen, businessmen... but science does not work. The question of which is better, scientists or businessmen, has not yet been resolved. And for business and science to come together in one person is rare. Take care of one thing, so that he develops a good character and good rules of life. Here, other than advice and admonition, it doesn’t hurt to use parental authority (3, p. 104). 18. Approval of the adoption of an orphan and instructions on caring for her You have taken upon yourself a good and very good task - to look after the baby. Bless, Lord, your walk! You worry in vain that sometimes the cry of a child tears you away from prayer, as if from the work of God to a task alien to God. Both are God’s work. God is pleased when His children turn their eyes to Him in prayer... but He is no less pleased when some beloved children carefully rush to look after His other children. So don't be embarrassed. And while praying, correct God’s work and, looking after the little one, do the same. And God looks at you equally tenderly both when you pray and when you are busy around the baby. It’s so good that you love your child. Your love directly feeds her soul, and she does not feel the deprivation of her mother. Stay in this disposition (4, pp. 73–74). 19. About the work of caring for the baby About the work of caring for the baby, you rightly argue that it has been entrusted to you by God. And the Lord will reward you. And the little one herself can pay back. When she grows up, she will be attached to you as to her mother... and then she will be your novice... and you will be an elder. Here is the canopy of the future monastery (4, p. 75)! 20. On attachment to an adopted orphan Your affection for the baby cannot go far... and if it is strong, there will be no harm from it. Good children are the essence of the rank of angels. If it’s a pity to leave it, take it with you... But what do you think about it... Look at the matter more simply... Ask the Lord to keep your heart in moderation (4, pp. 81–82). 21. About raising a good orphan I really regret that the orphan is nice... but it’s too early to predict the worst from this... Maybe it will suddenly change... But perseverance promises firmness of will... and this trait is not bad. Can't you manage to influence her in such a way that she doesn't notice that she is being ordered, but does what you want, as if on her own. May the Lord make you wise (4, p. 87). 22. Instruction on gentle treatment of an orphan I stand up for the orphan... It's not always a fine... More often it's persuasion. It's softer... and stronger. The severity is unceasingly harsh and joyless. Indulgences, of course, should not be allowed, but severity must also be dissolved with the warmth of love... I am sure that this is how things are going for you (4, p. 88). 23. Home novitiate After all, you are also obedient at home. It is necessary to put Mother to rest in every possible way. She is the abbess, and you are a novice... well, perhaps, the treasurer, and only the little one will remain obedient (4, p. 132). 24. Advice on raising a girl The girl needs to be taught... Every time bad things happen, explain to her how bad it is, and add that this is only what peasants do. Whoever sees you will say: here is a young lady, and she is no better than the peasants... Sometimes fine... without giving her anything she loves that day... But never show anger... so that the child can see that you are doing this out of love alone (4, p. 133). 25. Instruction for comforting those experiencing family grief You are grieving... It's normal. The Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane is the High Priest, suffering for the sins of the whole world. The priest also becomes a participant in this sorrow and torment, accepting the sins of his parish and those of strangers who come to him. Such is its purpose (4, pp. 252–253). Another thing is the position of that family. You did a good thing by advising me not to reproach him. You won't get anywhere with this. He has already dealt with his conscience. The drive of “this” is the end of a long struggle in which he remained defeated. However, I think that the matter will not remain like this until the end. He will get tired of her and he will drive her away. He will grow cold towards her - then his conscience will rebel again. And maybe it will take its toll. Let those who suffer be inspired by this hope, adding to it intense prayer. Here, of course, the enemy intervened, but nothing can drive him away except through prayer. Teach them to draw consolation from the thought that by enduring they become partakers of the crown of martyrdom. Lot was a martyr, because, as the apostle assures, he was tormented in soul, looking at the lawless deeds of his townspeople. This is the situation of these sufferers (4, p. 253). Let this grief be looked at as any other misfortune - death, illness, persecution, fires. God allows it, testing their patience. And “that one” is humbled by the Lord. Now he is overwhelmed with pride; but when the fog passes and he looks back at what he has piled up, he will see himself most humiliated. It’s true, he is proud... and such shameful healing was required (4, p. 253). Also instill in them... that our main concern is the salvation of our souls. Does the ugliness of that interfere with the accomplishment of this salvation? No way. If you look at the matter with reason, you will see that it can be turned into an aid to salvation. Let them alienate themselves for a while from the feeling of unpleasantness of such behavior and stop at the fact that this may not interfere with their work, let them do it, humbly praying for “that.” It's difficult! What can you eat without difficulty?! The hardest thing is for the wife. But on the other hand, her reward will be greater if she endures this grief complacently (4, p. 254). 26. Guidance and education of children It is the parents' duty to admonish children, and so it is yours. And be afraid of what? The word of love never irritates. The commanding only does not produce any fruit. In order for the Lord to bless children to avoid danger, they must pray day and night (8, p. 9). 27. Why children are sometimes alienated The alienation of children is amazing. But see if it's not your fault. If you are either reading or doing handicrafts, and don’t do much with your children, so that they don’t see affection from you... then is it surprising that they are alienated from you? Daughter-in-law for revenge! You cannot save your soul alone. Part of this is urgent care for children, affection for them, maternal tenderness, silent admonition (8, pp. 23–24). 28. Answer about the severity of the husband Your husband loves you deeply; its severity is only visible. This is how people are. And don't look at it. Let him be as he is. And you be as you are. God brought you together: it’s true that you should do it this way – this is the best way of life on earth (8, p. 25). 29. Means to tame a despot - husband It’s just hard for Squirrel. Let him manage to outwit. I think this can be achieved by not letting anyone notice that despotism is unpleasant, and by pretending that its antics are recognized as being in the order of things. Without encountering opposition, despotism will become quieter and quieter... Finally, it will completely subside. Then you can take it back into your hands without changing your humble tone and demeanor. A well-read woman should never object; but to agree with everything... as if to learn - although it is obvious that the untenable is affirmed (8, p. 69). 30. How to treat your neighbors It is difficult to tell you anything decisive about how to deal with your neighbors. There is only one law for this: to communicate with those of like mind, for mutual support in action on the path of salvation. Therefore, if you happen to recoil from those who think little about God and salvation, there is nothing to regret about it. Communication with them will remain only in everyday life... But if you have enough courage, then they too must be sacrificed... Consider these principles (8, pp. 71–72). 31. About the attitude towards the guilty husband We will feel sorry for Belichka and pray to the Lord that He will inspire her to courageously endure what happened. The husband is gloomy: it’s true, he missed a lot... Well, now he’s shaking his head and making vows in advance - not to do that. Let her not sharpen him, but feel sorry for him and inspire him, that maybe everything will somehow get better. If he starts to sharpen it, there will only be discord and trouble, but there will be no sense (8, p. 73). 32. About the attitude towards a callous husband and disobedient children Pray about your husband’s dislike, may the Lord tame him. That you cried and he laughed... hard, of course. But take a lesson from here: go ahead and hide these treasures - tears, without showing them to anyone, imitating St. David, who wet his bed with his tears at night. And pray for the children. The Lord is able to correct them. It’s better not to tell them, as you see, if they have become like that. Unless you notice their willingness to listen (8, p. 81). 33. Sadness from my son. About raising someone else's baby What hurts most is my son’s clumsy act. I think it’s not out of anger, but out of youthful lack of meaning. A little later, explain to him that what he considers dependent on you does not come from you at all... And add that you, more than anyone else, wish him every satisfaction... When he is convinced of both, his heart should soften. Then it will be appropriate to say something for edification - not so much an imperative word, but a benevolent one. God bless the orphan you will raise. And what about work - what happens without it? And bless Blueberry, Lord, to help you be more successful (8, pp. 81–82). 34. About the guidance of youth Don't worry too much about your son. What is the temperament, look; and then life will force you to cross yourself. That he loves acquisitions is not a great misfortune. It will be more gradual. It is impossible not to have, because you need to eat, drink, have shelter, etc. You must place your hope in God only if you have something - and give some of it to the poor. Teach him to give a penny to the poor, even if only on Sunday. Starting with this, it will go further. And do not bother with prayer; you can get bored. Advise him, at least a little, to pray morning and evening, without reading any prayers, but intelligently raising his eyes to God. In the evening, thank God for the day, in the morning ask for the day - in your own words, as you know, if only with deeds. And that's enough. Bow three to five times with such thoughts. And sometimes during the day let him turn to God with a short prayer. “Lord, have mercy, bless, Lord, help, Lord.” There's no need for more than that. “Is it difficult? – tell him. “Well, give me consolation that you will do this.” Young people want to live on the earth and in an earthly way. After all, it’s impossible without this, because we are earthly. Just don’t forget that we are on earth for a while – and a short one; became, although earthly, they did not come into existence for the earth (8, p. 101). 35. Housekeeping is a gift from God Housekeeping is not a tricky thing. Soon take a closer look, and nothing will bother you anymore. Just don't be lazy. The economy and everything that belongs to it is a gift from God. We must take care of it and cultivate it. Only the goal must be the glory of God. Observe sacredly... to allocate a portion to the poor - according to your strength, but not more than your strength. And everything will go well (8, p. 119). 36. About the impact on a hesitant son Tell the truth with your son, it’s better not to talk about religious matters. Just pray harder... and the Lord will have mercy on him, sending him the light of grace, enlightening and admonishing - and driving away all hesitations (8, p. 125). 37. Mother grieving for her children You grieve for your children. That's why you're a mother, to grieve about your children. But add prayer to your grief... And the Lord will provide for the children. Remember the blessed mother. Augustine. I cried and cried and prayed and prayed! - and begged and cried that Augustine would come to his senses and begin to act as he should (8, p. 225). Elijah's speech is wonderful to hear. Help him, Lord, to fulfill his good intentions. Add your fervent prayer to this. No one’s prayer for children reaches the Lord as much as a mother’s prayer (8, p. 228). You might be interested in: