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Divine Solomon in the book of childhood wisdom, that is, in Proverbs (chapter 31), praises a wife for the fact that she sits at home and loves her husband; and the wife who wanders outside the house, is intemperate, dishonest, with the appearance and tongue of a harlot she catches the honest (Prov. 6:26), contrasts with the wife who diligently does household work, is tireless in women's affairs, stretches out her hands to the spinning wheel, prepares double garments (Prov. 31:19; 31:21) for her husband, acquires a field in good time, well feeds the servants, treats friends to a rich table and fulfills everything else that Solomon praised in a chaste and hardworking wife (1). Who can find a virtuous wife (see Proverbs 31:10)? - says, as I hear, the Divine Scripture. This is a gift from God, and the Lord arranges a good marriage. Even the pagans reason this way; their saying that for a man the most beautiful acquisition is a good wife, and the worst thing is an evil one 81 (1). If someone, looking for the most perfect marriage for himself, went around all the ends of the earth and the entire human race, he would not find the best and most harmonious 82. He so united all the excellent qualities, both male and female, that marriage was not only a carnal union, but a union of virtue. The spouses, superior to others, could not surpass each other, because in both the virtues were of the same strength and value. The wife, given to Adam as his helper, because it was not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18), from a collaborator became an enemy, became not a wife, but an adversary, seducing her husband with voluptuousness and depriving the Tree of Knowledge of life. But the wife God gave to my parent was not only a collaborator for him, which is not very surprising, but a leader. She herself, in word and deed, directed him to everything excellent. And although she considered it her first duty, according to the law of marriage, to submit to her husband in everything else, she was not ashamed to be his mentor in piety. Of course, she is worthy of surprise in this, but even more surprising is the husband who voluntarily submits to her. If other wives are vain and exalted in beauty, both natural and fake, then she knew one beauty - spiritual beauty - and tried to preserve or clarify in herself, to the best of her ability, the Image of God, and rejected fake and artificial jewelry, leaving them to those who determined to see it. She knew one true nobility - to be pious and to know where we came from and where we will go; One reliable and inalienable wealth is to donate your property to God and to the poor, especially to impoverished relatives. Satisfying only their needs, in her opinion, did not mean ending the disaster, but reminding them of it; She considered doing good with all her generosity as a deed that could bring both her lasting glory and complete consolation to them. If some of the wives are distinguished by frugality, and others by piety, for it is difficult to combine both qualities, then she surpassed everyone in both, and in each she reached the height of perfection, and was able to combine both in one herself. With care and vigilance, according to Solomon’s instructions and rules for a virtuous wife, she multiplied everything in the house, as if she knew no piety at all. But she was also so zealous for God and everything Divine, as if she had not been involved in household chores at all. One did not suffer damage from the other, but one was mutually supported by the other. What time and place of prayer was hidden from her? This was her first thought every day. It’s better to say: who, when starting to pray, had so much hope of receiving what he asked? Who showed such respect to the hand and face of the priests? Who valued so highly every kind of wise life? Who more than she exhausted the flesh with fasting and vigil? Who stood more reverently than her during all-night and daytime psalmody? Who more often praised her virginity, although she herself bore the bonds of marriage? Who was the best intercessor for widows and orphans? Who alleviated the plight of those who were crying to such an extent? Yes, and the following, for others, perhaps of little importance, even without any value, as it is not accessible to many (for what is not convenient to do, out of envy we have difficulty believing), for me it is very worthy of respect, as the invention of faith and an outburst of spiritual fervor. In sacred meetings and places, except for the necessary and mysterious exclamations, her voice was never heard. In ancient times, the fact that the ax was not mounted on the altar and that when arming it the stonemasons’ tools were not visible or audible, it was important to remain natural and unartificial. Why shouldn’t it be recognized as important in her that she honored the shrine with silence, never turned her back on the venerable meal, did not spit on the floor in God’s temple; having met a pagan, she never joined hands with each other, did not touch lips to lips, even though the one she met was distinguished by modesty and was one of the closest; she not only voluntarily, but also under compulsion, did not share salt with those who ate an unclean and nasty meal; she could not, contrary to the demands of her conscience, pass by or even see a defiled house; neither hearing nor tongue, with which she received and broadcast the Divine, she did not desecrate with pagan stories and spectacular songs, because everything unsanctified is indecent for the sanctified. But what is even more surprising is that, although she was greatly struck by sorrows, even those of others, she never indulged in carnal weeping until a mournful voice erupted before thanksgiving, or a tear fell on her eyelids, mysteriously sealed 83, or at the onset of the Bright Feast sad clothes remained on her, although many times many suffered her sorrows. For the God-loving soul tends to subordinate everything human to the Divine. I will keep silent about even more hidden matters, to which God alone is a witness and which only the faithful slaves, who were her confidants, knew about. And perhaps I shouldn’t even mention what concerned me; since I do not correspond to her hopes, although it cost her great efforts even before birth, without fear of the future, to promise, and soon after birth to dedicate me to God. However, God so pleased that her vow was not completely unfulfilled and the offering was not rejected. Such perfections were partly already in her, and partly they multiplied and grew gradually. Just as the sun produces the most pleasant effect with its morning rays, but its midday rays are warmer and brighter, so she, having shown considerable success in piety from the very beginning, finally shone with the most abundant light (1). Honor God, and then your spouse - the eye of your life, the director of your intentions. Love him alone, make your heart happy, and the more the most tender love he has for you, maintain an inextricable attachment under the bonds of unanimity. Allow yourself not the kind of freedom that your husband’s love forces you to take, but whatever is appropriate, because satiety is possible in everything. But although there is satiety in everything, nevertheless, it is better to have a love that does not know it. Having been born a woman, do not assume to yourself the importance inherent in a man, and do not be proud of your birth, do not be puffed up in clothes or wisdom. Your wisdom is to obey the laws of marriage, because the knot of marriage makes everything common between the wife and her husband. When your husband is irritated, give in to him, and when he is tired, help him with gentle words and kind advice. And the lion tamer does not by force pacify the enraged beast, whose breathing is interrupted in rage, but tames it by stroking it with his hand and saying kind words. No matter how irritated you are, never reproach your spouse for the damage you have suffered, because he himself is your best asset. Do not reproach him because the end of the matter is contrary to his enterprise. This would be unfair, because often even prudent enterprises do not achieve their goal due to the demon’s cunning. Do not reproach him for lack of strength either, because there is always strength in the sword. Whom your husband does not love, do not praise him with the cunning intention of inconspicuously hurting your husband with a word. For noble husbands and wives, and especially for wives and in any other case, simplicity of heart is appropriate. Consider your husband’s joys and sorrows to be common to you. Let your worries be common, because through this the house grows. And your advice may take place, but the husband must be in charge. When your husband grieves, grieve with him a little (the lament of friends serves as a pleasant medicine in sadness), but soon afterwards, putting on a bright face, dispel his sad thoughts, because for a lamenting husband the most reliable haven is his wife. Let your occupation be spinning, wool and teaching in God's word, but leave the care of external affairs to your husband. Do not often go outside the doors of the house, to places of public entertainment and indecent gatherings; there, too, shame is stolen from the bashful, there glances are confused with glances, and the loss of shame is the beginning of all vices. And I command you to go to good meetings with those who are prudent, so that some good word will be imprinted on your mind, which would either eradicate vice in you, or bind you more firmly to virtue. Your home is for you both the city and the groves. Do not allow yourself to be seen by strangers, except chaste relatives or a priest and gray hair, which is better for you than youth. Don't appear to women who carry their heads high and act openly. Do not appear to pious men, even those whom you greatly respect, that your husband does not want to have them in his home. For who will bring you as much benefit as a good spouse, if you love him alone? Be arrogant, but not arrogant. I praise women whom men don’t even know. Do not rush to a wedding or birthday feast, where there is drunkenness, dancing, laughter and uncharming charm. This leads to relaxation and chastity, just as a sunbeam melts wax. And at home, whether in the presence of a supportive spouse or in his absence, do not drink at home. If moderation is given to the womb, then perhaps you will prevail over passions. I am afraid of the incontinent womb, and so is your husband. There should be no lustful movements or angry tremblings on your cheeks. This is shameful for every person, especially for a woman, and makes the face ugly. Decorate your ears not with pearls, but with the habit of listening to good speeches, and for bad speeches, close them with the key of the mind. And let your open and closed ears be chaste listeners. Let virginal modesty in the presence of your husband spread a pure blush under your eyelids. Cover yourself with a blush when others look at you, but try not to look at anyone and lower your eyebrows to the ground. If you have an unbridled tongue, you will always be hated by your husband. A bold tongue often caused harm to the innocent. It is better to remain silent when the matter itself calls for a word, than to speak when the time does not allow room for an immodest word. Let your word remain an object of desire. The legs of a greyhound are unreliable witnesses of chastity, and there is something insolent in the gait itself. Listen to the following: do not indulge in uncontrollable carnal love, do not seek the pleasures of the marital bed at all times, convince your spouse to respect holy days (2). Words of Hesiod from his work entitled “Works and Days.” We are talking about the marriage of the parents of St. Gregory. – Approx. ed. You might be interested in: