Август

I thank the Lord, who accepted my repentance for my hostility and anger towards my father, the archpriest, for sending me from the Assumption Church ahead of time to the Cathedral through the watchman; I repented to God that I was wrong, being upset with the boss, I admitted my obstinacy, pride, disobedience, I asked for affection towards him, the boss, and received it from the Lord. Glory to the Lord, my obedient and benefactor, my Savior! Demons tremble when the weapon of Christ - the Holy Cross - is carried in the air in the procession; in rooms and on the street, where there is a simple prayer service or with the blessing of water, the air is also cleared of demons and their machinations. The great work of faith is the exaltation of the Cross. I thank the Lord, who soon arranged the matter of the servant of God Anastasia Mikhailova and her husband Alexei Antonovich, who were on a voyage abroad in Greece. The Lord heard our prayers and accepted our faith. I thank the Lord, who saved me with His cross last night from prodigal dreams and the prodigal shedding of semen; when I marked myself with the cross, vile dreams disappeared and sacred dreams disappeared. I thank my holy Guardian Angel, the light-bearer of God. Amen. Ten o'clock in the evening. What is required primarily from every Christian person during his prayer, alone or in common? – Sincerity, so that he sincerely says what he says in prayers, or sincerely repeats what others say, read and sing, so that he sincerely prays for himself and for the members of the Church and the state, and for all Christians, and for the whole world! So that he sincerely acknowledges his sins, hates them and repents of them to God; so that he sincerely desires to improve, so that he sincerely loves God and His holy truth, His holy law and sincerely desires to fulfill it with all his soul, with all his strength, with all his thought; so that he sincerely loves his neighbor as himself, wishing everyone with all his heart all that is good and not wishing him anything bad either secretly or openly, without gloating at anyone’s misfortune. Grant all this to me, Lord, and to all Christians, to every person through the knowledge of You. August 2, 1874 I thank the Lord, who wonderfully changed my wife’s heart from evil to good, from confusion to peace towards me, who insulted her in the morning on the occasion of evil against sick servants given by her. It was not in vain that I fell boldly to the throne of my Lord. Wonderful, terrible things are being accomplished on this throne by the Holy Spirit! Heavenly fire, the fire of the Holy Spirit descends on the Holy Gifts! This place is terrible [Gen. 28, 17 ]! Meat weighed heavily on my heart today (August 3) and because of it the enemy defeated me today at the all-night vigil. And I thought it would strengthen me. If in the theater there are no idle words that are spoken by actors and actresses and which are heard by spectators and listeners, then the theater is [innocent]. And if the theater is filled with idle words, then judge for yourself what follows from this. For every idle word that people speak, they will give an answer on the day of judgment [Matt. 12, 36]. We overuse the word, such a high and precious gift of God, both in the theater, and in conversations, and in magazines, and in books. What a fuss!.. Today I met Philip Stepanov in a strange way: I was walking along one side, he was on the other side of the pavement - neither I nor he said hello: I turned my eyes away at first, thinking to look at him when he was closer, but noticing this in me, he turned his eyes away and walked away without bowing. This upset me as a spiritual father, and I think it upset him too. But I wanted to bow and always bowed to him for the first time, but, knowing his pride, I didn’t want to bow from afar, expecting some attention from him. Humble his spirit, Lord, humble all that is high and exalted, for I am Your servant. Let the spiritual son know to honor his spiritual father. You, Lord, are the Holy Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named [Eph. 3, 15], humble my spiritual son and have filial thoughts and feelings towards me, so that the imam has access to his heart, so that I can shepherd him. Wake up, wake up! God! enough ambiguity, hypocrisy on his part, pride, arrogance, contempt for his spiritual father. (Only two - he and M.N. Sinebryukhov raise their heads higher than anyone else.) Glory to the faith of Christ, wonderful, peaceful, conquering everything, uniting everything. I believe this and see this. Remember that the members of the royal house are members of the Church of Christ, members of the Kingdom of Christ, adorned with the perfections of the image and likeness of God, like others, with kind, sensitive souls, minds and noble aspirations of the will. Pray for them sincerely, as members of the Church, as blood brothers. So the Lord commanded, and the holy apostles, the judges of all the earth and the judges of the angels [1 Cor. 6, 2 – 3]. Oppose the hostile coldness towards them with Christian love and the love of a citizen, remembering that they are a thousand times better than you, nobler, more sublime, more courageous, more virtuous. Sunday. Late mass. I was in great agony from the slander of 106 spirits of evil today during mass, immediately before the great entrance, during the great entrance and after the great entrance - because of what? Because of the prosphora I took at my own expense to give it to someone I knew; Gluttony, man-pleasing have entangled my spiritual feet: the enemy has caught me through my worldly addiction. A bitter lesson: do not think about anything worldly when performing the most heavenly Sacrament. I was almost completely swallowed up by the enemy, I was so terribly embarrassed, wounded, and agitated by him! How many times have I fallen before the throne of God, asking God for mercy and peace, behold, the enemy, like a lion, tormented me when there was no deliverer and saver [Ps. 7, 3]. But the Lord, having punished me, had mercy on me and gave me peace, removing confusion, healing the ulcer, driving away fear and despondency. God! What a demonic storm has come! The enemy took revenge on me for my curses at him yesterday! But I wasn’t careful: I smoked tobacco in the evening and drank beer. Before mass, the Lord also saved me from hellish cramped conditions for my anger towards the poor and towards the mother in labor for supposedly untimely arrival. The conversation was spoken freely and solemnly about the litany of petition! My conversations infuriate the demons more. But my Lord is omnipotent. He celebrated Vespers freely; two christenings too. Through the sovereign power, through the sovereign, my father, and through the Holy Synod, I received innumerable benefits from the Lord. Lord, save the king and his wife and the entire reigning house, save and have mercy, make wise, establish the Holy Government Synod. I often read the word about meekness (in the Gospel), I myself speak about meekness and humility from the church pulpit - and, damned, I continue to remain angry, impatient, irritable: outside the city I got angry and shouted (to the whole neighborhood) at one beggar who accidentally approached me asking for alms. Learn from Me, says the Lord, for I am meek and lowly in heart [Matt. 11, 29]. How about meek? He will not contradict, he will not cry (shout), and no one will hear His voice in the streets; He will not break a bruised reed, and he will not quench smoking flax [Matt. 12, 19–20]. How meek and humble? Being slandered, He did not slander each other; while suffering, he did not threaten, but handed it over to the Righteous Judge [1 Pet. 2, 23]. How meek? So that he unquestioningly allowed himself to be tied up, and resignedly endured spitting, beatings, strangulations, the cross and death. Compare your life with the life of this Righteous One - He is an example for us all to follow. Remember His washing the feet of the disciples and Judas himself at the Last Supper. Oh, how quick I am to anger, malice, vexation! I am a stinking corpse from my youth! Who should I rebel against? Is it against the great, universally recognized Philaret of Moscow 107? Isn't it against your old stinking man? This is the right way. Have mercy on me, Lord, accursed, stinking, obscene, weak, dark, shameful. Now work for the poor (in the Guardianship) and for the parish; eternal and sweet rest in eternity for all who labored in the spirit of the Gospel and according to the instructions of the Gospel. Through almsgiving one obtains God's mercy at judgment. Monday. I thank the Lord for his merciful deliverance from sorrow and hardship for the hardness of heart and disfavour towards the poor that righteously befell me. He repented before the throne, asking for mercy and peace from the Lord, and soon received salvation with bold and unfailing service. Glory to the Lord! Too much mealy food (pie) makes my teeth hurt, and my heart is fat and rough. Abstinence is necessary for this too: it is useful for everything. I thank the Lord, who gave me yesterday (August 4), upon communion of the Holy Mysteries, heavenly peace and heavenly life, boldness, joy, freedom, strength, beauty and having driven away all misfortunes. I thank the Lord, who today gave me the grace to celebrate the Liturgy with tenderness and warmth, especially after the great entrance, and to partake of my revival. But after mass, during the requiem service, he sinned before the Lord and angered Him with vain anger at the altar watchman Ivan for his unseemly face, as if he were to blame; Thus, he sinned with partiality and hostility. Oh, hypocrite, accustomed to partiality and being seduced by beautiful and ugly faces, becoming attached to some, and turning away from others! Are we not all created equally in the image and likeness of God? Don't we all have the same soul? Is it all the same to the members of Christ, the children of God, the brethren of Christ! I repented of this and received mercy from the Lord. Glory to the Lord! After the all-night vigil. Do you desire, my soul, to be illuminated by the ever-present, incorruptible light that the Lord shone on Tabor? - Get away from addiction to the world, from gluttony, gluttony, strong drinks, from the love of money, vain honor, elegant clothes, and worldly love in general. I thank the Lord, who showed in me the power of His gracious mercy in forgiving my sins and in taking away the tightness during the all-night vigil for the Transfiguration of the Lord, when in repentance I earnestly asked the Lord to take away the devil’s tightness, fear, and temptation. The power of the Lord had mercy and healed me and gave me great tenderness in prayer with tears. I sincerely asked the Lord for enlightenment to the whole world, not only Orthodox Christians, for the Lord redeemed the whole world at the price of His blood and His atoning death. I hope that the Lord heard my prayer. Christ, the True Light, I read hastily, with omissions, due to devilish confusion. And yet, what a beautiful prayer! Especially on the day of the Transfiguration, one had to read it with emotion, calmly, in full! Forgive me, Lord, my embarrassment! Give me everlasting courage. There were a lot of people. Celebrating the Transfiguration of the Lord, we, brethren, as members of Jesus Christ, as His children, must begin, continue and complete, with His help, our own transformation from spiritual darkness into light, from anger into meekness, from vanity into humility, from greed into poverty, from envy into sincere goodwill towards everyone, from unchastity, from impurity - into purity and chastity, from vanity to truth. During late mass, I was subjected to a terrible temptation of the evil one from the sexton Preobrazhensky, or better yet, from the side of my old man, from my gluttony, impatience and malice: I was greatly indignant in spirit because the sexton did not read the psalm verses on the third antiphon, which he warned me about; It seemed to me like disobedience, negligence, and the hostile hostility towards him overcame me, embarrassment and crampedness and shame overcame me, and I was in strong agony before the Gospel and after, while reading the litanies and prayers before the great entrance, at the great entrance and after before the invocation of the Holy Spirit; the voice became weaker. I sinned before the Lord and before my brother. One must feel sorry for the sinner because he will perish because of his sin, and not have enmity and contempt for him. Enmity is the worst and most dangerous illness of the soul. He received Holy Communion quite calmly and became animated. Glory to the Lord, who convicts and punishes me. For he showed me many and evil sorrows; and turning 108 revived me ecu [Ps. 70:20], always with faith approach Your throne and kiss it, as You do Yourself sitting on the throne. I thank the Lord for the gift of the preaching word. This evening I ate fish, pie, jelly, and drank beer. Let this not be to the detriment of Thy mercy, O Lord, but to the benefit of Thy threshing ox. After strong temptations today and after communion of the Holy Mysteries, today it is very easy for me by the grace of God, I feel mental and physical health. I thank the Lord for the strength that has been revealed in me this day during Matins and Liturgy and Vespers during my service, for deliverance from the poisonous tricks of the enemy. Why on earth do I eat at night when my body doesn’t require it, when, on the contrary, I suffer from it and lose a lot: I can’t read and write, I can’t sleep, my body itches, itching and some kind of numbness in my soul and body? These are the consequences when food is consumed unnecessarily and in excess, albeit with pleasure! If I didn’t eat at night and in the evening, I could do a lot of things, and I would sleep peacefully at night, and in the morning I would be much more relaxed at church prayer. August 8. Have mercy on me, Lord! Help me, Lord, with good intentions. May I not worship idols again, may I always be satisfied with You with my insatiable soul. Friday. I thank the Lord with all my heart for delivering me from many and fierce temptations of the past day, which came to me because of the sexton Preobrazhensky, who dared to come to mass drunk and served in this state. At first I was deceived in him and blessed him to put on the surplice, and then I recognized my nightingale. I thank the Lord, who did not allow me to be completely embarrassed by the dirty tricks of this sexton. After mass he began to defend himself: what else is needed, he says? I sang and read: even worse serve me. I forbade him to go to church to serve; took the sexton Polyglotov. I thank the Lord for the endless great gift of His mercy - for the communion of the life-giving, wonderful Mysteries of His Most Pure Body and Blood and for my grace-filled service of the Holy Liturgy in a clear voice, without stumbling, except for the great entrance (I stumbled for the sake of my gluttony - two prosphoras). After communion, he miraculously came to life in body and soul, Glory to the Lord! He sinned extremely before God and the poor through greed and hard-heartedness - he did not give sufficient alms to the poor, who sat for a long time and waited for alms at the fence; I myself am fed up, damned one, and they are starving; I myself have dozens of clothes, but I leave them to walk around naked. Even until now, despite so many blessings of God to me, I have an uncorrected heart and an uncorrected disposition. Oh, damned me! You need to write a letter to your sister Anna Ilyinichna and Vasily Ivanovich. How many times have I sworn not to eat at night - and yesterday again I ate late in the evening herring with onions, fish fried in vegetable oil with black soft bread - and then drank beer. At night, when the cold north wind became strong, there was a strong itching in the body from the excess of food taken and from the excess of vital moisture, juices and blood, and because of this I could not sleep! These are the fruits of insane gluttony and greed! Saturday. Participants. I thank the Lord for His grace, through His generosity, bestowed upon me today during the service of Matins: I served with boldness, loudly, without stumbling; also mass; Before mass, the enemy pinned me with unbearable tightness, but by faith in the mercy and power of the Lord, I drove him and his tightness away and became free and peaceful. After communion and feelings of peace and boldness and joy, it was soon again that the enemy found a loophole in my heart and confused and oppressed my heart, but again he was defeated by faith in the Lord. Thank God for everything. Also, by the grace of the Lord, I served the All-Night Vigil in the Duma church with feeling and tenderness, especially when thinking about what condescension the Son of God showed to us in His incarnation, deification of us, renewal, what wisdom, what omnipotence, mercy, how he honored us, especially the priests, these gods by frequent deification in the communion of the Holy Mysteries, in the service of the Divine Liturgy - according to the power given to Him by God to knit and decide, to teach, to perform the Sacraments and to renew and adore people. What is the basis for rituals and exclamations before the reading of the Apostle and the Gospel? Let us hear... Peace to all... Wisdom, forgiveness, let us hear... Therefore, we must be especially attentive to what we hear so as not to fall away [Heb. 2, 1]. The Lord sent me great deliverance today before the all-night vigil in the Assumption Church, taking away my embarrassment, the cramped conditions, the fire that arose in me from strong indignation at my father, the archpriest, for not wanting to fulfill the parish requirements, saying that he did not live in the city, but in the country, and placed the entire burden on the junior priest. He again resurrected my soul, revived it, renewed it. Glory to the Lord! Glory to His mercy and long-suffering! Glory to His invincible power, before which no spiritual death can stand, the sin that rages in us for our sake. Glory to Thee, all-saving Lord Jesus! Ten o'clock in the evening. Sunday. I thank the Lord for delivering me from spiritual distress through my prayer, for the feeling of tenderness during the service of the liturgy and for the unfailing service of the liturgy and the prayer service of gratitude - and most of all for the communion of the Divine Mysteries and the revival by them. Give me a robe of light 109. The bright vestments of the clergy signify the lightness in which the Lord clothed us with His incarnation, renewal, and transfiguration on Tabor: He clothed me with the robe of salvation and the garment of joy [Isa. 61, 10] – clothes of purity, holiness, deification. It is bad to eat fried fish with black bread in the evening: it makes the stomach very strong and immediately makes the body itch. Fish strengthens my stomach terribly: I should never eat it at night. August 13. For Gorev, who, in the terrible grief of madness, demonization and bestiality (gluttony), prayed at the liturgy and at home; about the sick Evdokia Serebreninova and her mentally ill children John, Mary, Mary too! About the Tsepovs - schismatics, may the Lord convert them, too. With all my heart I thank the Lord, who sovereignly delivered me, by His great mercy, from all the confusion and fears of the evil one, from all the malice and all his intrigues, especially from hostility towards Philip Stepanovich Stepanov, and for granting, through my prayer, brotherly and paternal favor towards him, for peace, boldness, strength, dignity - during the proceedings of the District Court in the Duma. He sinned before God - by being angry with a beggar for deceiving and abusing the money given to him for clothes and travel (one ruble); I tore his ears and hair, and somewhat tore his old shirt - I was so annoyed with him. And how do I abuse the gifts of God every day - for delicacies, unnecessary clothes, unnecessary things?! Let us suppose that a beggar, they say, lost money at cards. This is bad, but I’m doing no better, spending money on excesses. Forgive me, Lord! Forgive the beggar and put him in his place Yourself. At the memorial service at 8 o'clock in the morning on August 14... Write Nicholas in diptych 110 tomorrow. Take the monstrance from the Cathedral to the Duma. Sermon for August 26th. Thanks be to the Lord, who heard my secret prayer in the district court, who delivered me from the agitation of passions, who gave me peace, boldness, and freedom to behave decently to my dignity during the reading of the oath. Thank you to the Lord, who sent me deliverance yesterday at the beginning of the all-night vigil from the oppression of the enemy, on the occasion of some envy of my brethren, adorned with orders; in comparison with what is in us in the image and likeness, and in comparison with the highest rank of the priesthood, these signs of earthly distinctions are nothing, a shadow. To perform such Sacraments, to stand at the throne of the Good and Master, to so truly commune with Him, interceding for people, for the whole world, to teach and lead the people of God, to glorify and give thanks with the apostles, prophets, hierarchs, saints, martyrs, with the entire Church, heavenly and earthly, is the highest honor. I thank the Lord, who has given me the greatest joy and tenderness from contemplating these advantages of the sacred dignity, with which I, unworthy, am invested, and from contemplating the beauty of God, from tasting His Divine sweetness, from the wondrous singing of the irmos on the Dormition of the Mother of God. The unity, connection, sequence of the economy of human salvation from the beginning of the world until now and until the end of the age is amazing, wise, divine, without any leaps. The history of the Old and New Testaments and Church history is depicted in the Divine Services of our Church, daily, weekly and annual. Man was created in the image of God - this is the fundamental truth that runs through the entire continuation of time from the beginning of the world until now and until the end of this age, on which all sacred church history, all church services, all the Sacraments are based, to which is grafted the greatest miracle - the incarnation of the Son of God, His life on earth with men, His miracles, His suffering, death, burial and resurrection from the dead and ascension to heaven. This miracle - the incarnation - would be unthinkable, impossible, if man were not created in the image of God; The image of God in man is the greatest treasure, priceless, more precious than the whole world, according to the words of the Savior himself: what good is it to a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul? Or what ransom will a man give for his soul? [Mk. 8, 36–37 ] - although the people of this age value this treasure least of all, less than any worldly thing, less than the dust of the earth, such as food and drink, clothing, money, earthly honors and pleasures! I thank the Lord, who delivered me from the oppression of the enemy during the liturgy on the day of the Dormition of the Mother of God in the Duma church and miraculously revived me through the communion of the Divine Mysteries. I thank the Lord for His mercy over me, for His powers, sovereignly manifested in me, for the easy handling of the cross and holy water in the houses of parishioners in the eastern part of the city and for their goodwill towards me. (Up to fifty rubles collected.) On Saturday morning, I immoderately consumed cream, milk, butter with black bread and tea. I sinned against the Lord and before myself. Let me leave madness and wordless life. Wordlessness during service is due to intemperance. I thank the Lord, who extended the hand of salvation to me, through the prayer of my repentance, after my anger at my family for tearing up a book of spiritual content. Glory to Your good Kingdom, Lord! Teach me, O Master, by Thy justification, grant me to keep Thy words. Let me breathe the great Psalm 118: Blessed are the blameless ones who walk in the law of the Lord [Ps. 118, 1]. You cannot create very beautiful people: they will stare at themselves and other people will stare at them, but they will stop looking at the Lord, the source of beauty, who Himself is infinite beauty. But what angelic beauty! It's impossible to imagine. August 18, 1874 Write about the Orthodoxy of the Orthodox Church. Like the enemy of everyone, he strives to divide, to eclipse the Divine truth and distort it with human opinions, to confuse everything. To trace from the beginning to the end the history of the Church of God from the division of Cain and Abel to the division of the last times. The Lord has given me so many spiritual and physical blessings that, judging sensibly, I cannot envy anyone: I am honored by the angelic rank of priesthood, I often enjoy the celebration of the Divine Liturgy, I partake of the Divine Mysteries, I am adored, renewed, cleansed, sanctified, strengthened; I have, by the grace of God, a mind enlightened by the highest enlightenment; I have the grace of God always assisting me, I have a God who is most merciful, obedient, helpful, omnipotent, eternal, wise, unchangeable; I have physical health and good looks, characteristic of the image and likeness of God; I have food and drink in abundance, clothing, housing, even distinctions, like the holy pectoral cross and kamilavka. I am mad when I envy anyone else for anything, for thousands are useless and harmful when there is no piety. Sunday. Early mass. I thank the Lord, who through communion revived me again, killed by gluttony and the satiety of yesterday; I felt in my heart the wondrous power of the Lord, after communion of the most pure and life-giving Mysteries of His Body and Blood, I came to life, strengthened, healed, and rejoiced. At the commemoration of the Metropolitan, he was embarrassed and could not pronounce everything, that is, the words: grant these to Thy Holy Churches in the world, whole, honest, healthy, long-living. When giving communion to children, the enemy tempted hostility. Almost every one of us is bound by the captivity of various falls: some by gluttony and satiety, some by drunkenness, some by love of money or greed, some by smoking and gambling, some by lustful passion, some by stinginess and hard-heartedness towards the poor, some by laziness and absent-mindedness during prayer. The ancient murderer abuses each of us and destroys every beginning and even ripening fruit of virtue and leaves us with nothing, without fruit. In this sense, the parable of the sower and the seed is applicable to each of us [Matt. 13, 1–23, etc.] or the parable of the tares [Matt. 13, 24 – 30]. He who has ears to hear, let him hear! [Matt. 11, 15]. Isn’t it especially for you, O priest, that it is said: do not do what is worthless that perishes [Russian: try not to eat perishable food], but do what is worthless and remains in the eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you [John. 6, 27 ]? You have the bliss of eating this fast food almost every day, and meanwhile you chase after corruptible food, indulge in voluptuousness, become satiated with sweet dishes, worship idols, for gluttony is idolatry, and include yourself among the people whose stomach is God [Phil. 3, 19]. From now on, be ashamed of your madness, your ingratitude before God; Fear the Lord, who is constantly angered by you, and who loved us so much! Look at him more often, fasting for you for forty days and nights in the desert - to teach you constant abstinence! Yesterday, while reading the Holy Gospel, the enemy put a nasty and blasphemous thought into me as a prodigal and extremely confused me with this - but by faith, repentance, and inner prayer, I asked the Lord for forgiveness, healing, cleansing, peace, and mercy. I thank the Lord. I was walking in the Engineering Garden at two o’clock in the afternoon, and little girls, revelers, elegant maidens and women were frolicking and twirling there; again my thoughts began to incline me to carnal feelings and confuse and weaken my soul and heart. But when I said to myself with sincere conviction and desire: The Lord is endless beauty, the Lord is endless sweetness, the Lord is my light and peace, my strength, my wisdom, glory, my eternal life - then I immediately calmed down, and I felt so good and sweet, for the Lord was in me. Glory to the Lord for this! Until now, I was mistaken about my wife’s character, thinking that she had a grumpy, angry, picky character, but she had a kind, jealous, cautious character; She often shouts to lock the windows and doors so that I don’t go out for a walk after the bath, but this is because she loves her sister’s children and me, because she is extremely protective of our health, although in vain she fears for it in many cases. Yes, cover her shortcomings with condescension for the sake of love. All creations, small and great, animate and inanimate, are stamped with the creative mind, creative beauty, creative omnipotence, creative truth (all creations are governed by strict, precise laws and therefore are all correct, faithful, beautiful). O you, son of dust and at the same time a child of the Heavenly Father, venerable in the image and likeness of God, reverence God and look rationally at the works of God’s hands, at this visible world and at everything that is in this world; treat everything and everyone correctly, legally; eat and drink in moderation; do not hide treasures on earth, but use them for the benefit of yourself and your neighbors, for whom the treasures were given; guard your heart and body, this church of God, from corruption by intemperance or fornication and do not corrupt others like yourself, lest you be subjected to the judgment of God’s righteousness; behold the mountain, where is your Creator, Savior and Father and where is your true eternal Fatherland, where there is endless beauty, endless sweetness, unevening, ineffable light, endless holiness and truth, endless bliss. I thank the Lord, who protects me by the power of the cross from prodigal dreams of the devil at night and from carnal corruption; and before 111 preserve, O Lord, Thy unworthy servant; also from the devil’s malice, as happened tonight: in a fit of anger, I grabbed hold of my former comrade Alexei Ivanovsky and poured ink on him. If you are defiled by malice in a dream, have mercy on me, Lord, and cleanse me: those who have sinned. August 19. Without faith it is impossible to please God [Heb. 11:6] - because of the innate depravity and power of sin, which constantly whips us into sin, and because only through faith is received grace from above, or God’s saving help to do good and please God. Glory to God, who gave us His faith, this priceless heavenly treasure, which provides sinner man with the greatest consolation, help and deliverance in life. I thank the Lord, who made me worthy to celebrate the funeral liturgy at the cemetery for my former student, now an officer, Alexandra Kryukov. The Lord heeded my tearful prayer and gave me the grace, with boldness and warmth of heart, to perform the Liturgy and receive communion for salvation, peace, affirmation, and health of the Most Pure and Life-Giving Mysteries and to perform the entire funeral service without stumbling. During mass, the enemy tempted him with the sting of voluptuousness and contemplation. I conquered this sinful feeling with the thought: The Lord is my endless, eternal sweetness, endless, incomparable beauty. I thank the Lord, who bowed down to my tearful prayer when I repented of my hardness of heart towards the poor, whom I drove away and scolded without giving anything. My Christ! I have angered You in the face of these poor people, for they are Your members. And today I also partook of Your most pure Body and Your most pure Blood, Lord! Oh, ungrateful, insensitive, malevolent! Lord, have mercy on the Tsarevich, Grand Duke Alexander Alexandrovich and the Prince of Great Britain, about whom I told my wife and sister-in-law something indecent that they had done. Yesterday, August 20, I unnecessarily drank a glass and a half of Bavarian beer and because of this I did not sleep well at night, although during the day I did not fall asleep for a minute and yesterday morning I got up at five o’clock. Excuse, and do not blame your sister-in-law Anna Konstantinovna in your heart for her whims, pride, arrogance, anger, remembering that all of us, and I especially, are susceptible to mental and physical ailments; be long-suffering, be peaceful, pray for the weak and those suffering from various passions; look firmly and attentively at yourself, at the movements of your heart, tame your passions in every possible way, so that Satan does not make his nest in you and does not create great excitement in you and in those around you; do not allow the fire of hell to smolder in your soul... Help, Lord! When I was in the hotel “Constantinople” outside the city and read prayers for the reconciliation of the servants of God Ioanna and Theoktista, whose world had been disturbed by the enemy, then the same enemy outraged, scorched and oppressed me with the hellish fire of love of money and covetousness, and I resisted and prayed. Cursed be the love of money, which separates the soul from God and kills it. (I received a good reward for the labor of the journey.) He performed mass for Father Matthew that day (August 21) quite well; The Lord gave tenderness, but prepared little for mass, so he felt powerless and dead in his soul for quite a long time; communion revived. I thank the Lord. He finished mass at three quarters past ten, having begun at forty minutes past ten; I walked to the gymnasium for class at ten minutes past twelve, but it should have been five minutes. I thank the Lord, who saved me from embitterment, confusion, from oppression and shame and darkness, after persistent prayer of deep repentance. Oh, how many times have I angered my God with my anger, my impatience, my pride, my irritability! Yesterday evening at ten o'clock I ate fish with black bread, very little, and at night I had back pain. Never eat at night. August 24. I sinned against the Lord before early mass. Oh, intemperate Esau! Early mass. Because of my sins, I was extremely tempted today because of the sexton’s hasty singing of mass: I was upset and embittered with him; I sent the watchman to tell the sexton while singing “It is worthy” that he should either sing less often, or sing the same thing another time, but he did not listen (I realize that my demand was unreasonable); after mass he made an angry reprimand, rejected it, took sexton Polyglotov to a prayer service; and then, coming home and scolding him greatly, he made peace with him. This is a temptation for my satiation in the evening (fish and black bread) and at dinner, and maybe for Dmitry Fedorovich Nikitin, whose alms money I received yesterday (5 rubles). I sinned before the Lord. The lesson for me is not to be angry with anyone for anything, especially during mass and after it. Have pity on those who sin, and not despise or scold them, which makes them hardened. Let all love be for me [1 Cor. 16, 14] – and gratitude, and reprimand, and punishment, and reproof. Grant, Lord! A terrible storm has befallen my soul today; I barely calmed down enough to consume the Holy Mysteries. At the funeral service, when I looked angrily at the sexton and did not show him, I became especially embarrassed and then at the prayer service I could not calm down (students of the Technical School). After the all-night vigil. I thank the Lord for the tears of tenderness during the all-night vigil, which began with the singing of the verse: Vouchsafe, O Lord, this evening... and until the end. Standing at the Gospel, I wept before the Lord that sin had alienated us from God since our youth, and prayed to the Lord to forgive our sins and appropriate us all to Himself forever, to let His goodness overcome our many evils, to let His light burn through 112 our darkness, to let His mercy overcome the immeasurable wickedness and malice of the devil. Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit... We are members of this blessed Kingdom. I thank the Lord, who through my prayer conquered the violence of the devil in me and gave me the gift of uttering all the words of the prayer: Christ, the true Light... At the dismissal of the all-night vigil, I succumbed to the fear of the devil and did not say the saints of the day and the holy apostles of the church. I thank the Lord for the gift of presiding over His throne when I celebrated the early (instead of the archpriest) Sunday mass, the stumbling-free, loud, tender celebration of the liturgy and the non-judgmental communion of the most pure, immortal and life-giving Mysteries. Great is God's mercy towards me, a sinner! How will I repay the most merciful Lord? I thank the Lord for granting me to spend the whole day serving Him and the parishioners. I am writing this on August 25th. I thank you for last night, for the coming day of His goodness and wonderful providence. Grant, Lord, that we may celebrate the Liturgy in a kindly manner and partake of Your wonderful Mysteries without condemnation. Send me your servant John, who has entrusted his treasure to me; Yes, I speak to him wisely and change His will somewhat, let me direct it, so that he may bring his sacrifice to other persons and places of goodness. Give news about him, All-Seeing Lord! I thank the Lord for co-serving the congregational liturgy and for partaking of the Divine Mysteries for cleansing and revitalization and for the spoken word. I thank the Lord for the perfect baptism according to the liturgy, for help during Vespers, for the unfaltering pronouncement of all the litanies, for overcoming temptation on the part of the sexton Preobrazhensky, who with impudence extorted money from poor parishioners for writing searches 113. I thank the Lord for a stumbling-free, cheerful, calm marriage ceremony. I thank the Mother of God for the prayer service before this, which calmed me down. Speak a lesson on the Gospel every day. Yesterday at early mass the Lord easily gave me a good word to say. Glory to the source of wisdom - the Lord! Compile a textbook on worship. Glory to the cleansing, sanctifying, quickening and strengthening service of my soul and body to my Lord God in the priesthood! Wonderful service! All heavenly powers! I rejoice in your all-joyful service to the Lord of hosts! I rejoice in your joyful, glorious service to our Lord! All Holy! Glory to Thee, Master Lord, who accepts from us, unworthy, the service of Thy shrine, Thy unapproachable glory! Gluttony and satiety kills the soul - I have learned this through repeated experience, especially during the Divine service. What terrible harm we do to ourselves when we indulge in excess! At the price of crude momentary pleasure we sell, we destroy an immortal soul, redeemed by the Blood of the Son of God! I sinned before God and before myself late yesterday evening by eating a piece of pie and a small portion of meat and milk, after I had snacked on cookies at a party an hour or an hour and a half before. I thank the Lord, who created heaven and earth, for the help when I served Matins with the sexton Polyglot; At first he was weak in spirit, but then he was strengthened by the grace of God. Glory to the Lord, glory to the Most Pure Mother of God, Helper, Intercessor. I thank the Lord for deliverance from the crowded conditions at the beginning of the Liturgy, for the unfaltering service of the Liturgy and for the communion of the Divine Mysteries. I felt very full during the liturgy, which is not a good thing for a priest. The all-night service was not served with the desired feeling of tenderness due to gluttony and satiety at the dinner of the birthday girl of the merchant Ivanov and before dinner at home! The voice was good due to drinking wine and watermelon. Terrible crowding, powerlessness, demonic fear at the universal memorial service and at mass; my soul felt as if it had died, and all because of yesterday’s satiety, for in the evening, having had tea and a roll with the monks of Verkolsky and another monastery, after them, at the suggestion of my wife, I ate whitefish with sauce and a roll. Today I felt sated in the morning, at mass and after. I sinned before God. (I could not remember Emperor Alexander I and the Orthodox soldiers killed in battle because of the dirty tricks of invisible enemies.) In the evening, before the all-night vigil and during it, twice the most merciful Lord delivered me from extreme confusion and oppression by the enemy that befell me due to my sins; For the first time, tightness pierced me in Balabanova’s house, at the end of the prayer service to Saint Alexander Nevsky, when I said goodbye and, not daring to look directly at the girls, so as not to be tempted, I was afraid of a false fear of demons and did not pronounce the name of Saint Alexander Nevsky. The devil greatly confused and wounded me here; I went to church with an extremely poisonous sting; I prayed for a long time, falling to the throne in repentance; finally the Lord forgave, healed, cleansed, calmed, revived, raising from the dead; it was this mercy that was tantamount to resurrection. Another time, the enemy embarrassed and wounded before the Gospel through the ugliness and slovenliness of the altar watchman Ivan - and the trouble is that he is unkempt and ugly; beauty seduces - ugliness disgusts, inspires hostility. What a sin! What an evil, sinful, prodigal heart! Here is contemplation, partiality in the priest himself! Isn’t there one image of God in everyone? Are not all members of Christ, children of God, members of God? I thank the Lord, who solemnly saved me, reconciled me, and revived me. Go to the hospital and find the servant of God John, the navigation officer. I thank and extol the Lord, glorified in the Trinity, who worked in me today wondrous miracles of mercy, deliverance, and salvation during the liturgy. I was angry with the sexton Preobrazhensky and did not want to accept him into service with me, I vehemently opposed the abbot and Father Matthew at the very throne, who exhorted me to forgive the guilty one; before God he flatly refused to accept him into his co-service, but what he did not want to do according to the word of the brethren, he did according to the word of the Apostle read today: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, mercy, faith [Gal. 5, 22 – 23], and according to the word of the Lord Himself in the Gospel now read: learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you will find rest for your souls [Matt. 11, 29]. And I thank the Lord that He helped me forgive the sexton from the heart for his insults to me and his drunkenness. For I myself am an infinite sinner, and the Lord is patient with me more than anyone else. How can I not be patient with my neighbor? Bear each other's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ [Gal. 6, 2]. He served Vespers with boldness, kindly, without stumbling, by the grace of God; the marriage was celebrated conscientiously, without stumbling, with great and wonderful boldness; Luke Popov also performed the sacrament of Baptism with a triumphant free spirit. For everything, glory and thanksgiving to the Lord. Glory to Him, Who works miracles of mercy and strength in our souls! Glory to His life-giving Mysteries, who create such in us! Christians take care of the shrine of the physical church [heart], for it is the temple of the Holy Spirit; Keep your heart from every evil, nasty, evil thought, for it is the church of God. Or do you not know yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you? Unless you are what you ought to be [2 Cor. 13, 5]. Libel (Church Slavic) – attempt, attack. Philaret (Drozdov; 1783 – 1867), saint, metropolitan of Moscow. An outstanding church and political figure. Born in Kolomna, in the family of a deacon. He studied at the Kolomna Seminary, and from 1800 - in the philosophical class of the Trinity Seminary; studied ancient Greek and Hebrew with special diligence. In 1808 he took monastic vows. From the same year - inspector, and from 1812 rector of the St. Petersburg Theological Academy; Professor of Philosophy and Theological Sciences. From 1817 he was a bishop, from 1826 until the day of his death - Metropolitan of Moscow. Outstanding preacher; his theology was expressed primarily in preaching, affirming the ideals not so much externally as of internally active Christianity, completely following the authority of the Holy Scriptures and the Holy Fathers. He is the author of several historical and theological works. Perhaps the most important work of the saint’s life, as well as his most important contribution to Russian literature, was his many years of work translating the Bible into Russian. Author of the Catechism, a book about the Orthodox faith that has gone through countless editions. In 1994 he was canonized. His memory is celebrated by the Holy Church on November 19 (December 2). Converted (Church Slavic) - turned his face, responded. Troparion tone 8 from the continuation of the Sacrament of Baptism. A diptych is a list of names commemorated during the liturgy. In the foreground (Church glory) - in the future. Prozhenet (Church Glav.) – scatter, disperse. A search is, in church practice, an act performed by the clergy before a wedding to verify the existence of conditions for marriage. You might be interested in: