Июль

No, health is not in Rambov, but in God. How much time did I walk in the forest of Grand Duchess E. Mikhailovna yesterday, but to no avail. I just exhausted myself and spent money on travel back and forth. I would sit at home and do my work. And the rain, what rain it was yesterday on my walk! There are people having tea in the cabin! You need to take care of your legs, they will come in handy. Do not drink tea with sugar, and especially with beer: it makes you very strong; itching, severe itching in the body. I sinned before God and before people because last night I ate cheesecakes (with cottage cheese) unnecessarily and became satiated: I didn’t sleep for a long time at night, and when I slept, I tossed and turned from side to side - from excess. Don't eat at night now. Insincere, unfaithful, cowardly, I turned out to be before the Lord in prayer on behalf of the noble, beautiful, rich, although very pious, Dmitry and Maria (Lieutenant Bulygin) in the house of Shlyakova; a false fear of the devil took hold of me while reading the holy prayer (until now everything was fine, by the grace of God) and then I was ashamed, accursed, in the face of the noble and educated of this world, the wisdom of God seemed to be in turmoil 96, in the words of the prayer I betrayed the Lord in my heart, betrayed His truth, the truth of the God-wise Mother of my Church, offended her, from the pure meaning (pure meaning - 2 Pet. 3:1), secretly imagining that she is the wisest (oh, blindness and damnation!). Oh, how weak and swayed by contrary winds is my heart! Oh, accursed one, I was ashamed of the words of the Lord and the Church in this adulterous and sinful generation, and I was even more ashamed of the Lord through the enemies of my salvation, who laughed at me and laugh incessantly in the church and in houses. Have mercy on me, O Lord, who repents; heal the wounds of my soul. Sunday. Yesterday during the all-night vigil I felt spiritually extremely weak and heavy - because of drinking tea with cream. The adversary completely overpowered me, tied me up internally; the voice was weak, unclean from a constrained, troubled heart; the enemy tormented me; while reading the Gospel, the enemy overpowered me so much that I could not continue reading the Gospel and began again; read in the face of enemy violence; Having finished, I was very glad that I had finished. And at the end of the all-night vigil, my heart was tight and I felt tied up. After the all-night vigil I went to the world [V...]; was not at home; Having arrived home, he again began drinking beer, tea, half a glass of vodka with his brother-in-law Alexei, who had arrived to visit; gingerbread I slept well - I prayed in the evening with tears. Today I served mass with extreme helplessness and cramped conditions; the weather is gray but warm. I thank the Lord, who changed the bad state of my soul into a good one during and after the Sacrament of Baptism in the house of Gromov with my fellow countryman, the peasant Ponomarev; However, already after the evening meal I felt good and at ease. Why? Because he abstained at lunch, did not eat fish or fish soup, but only ate a bun with almond milk and jam. How beneficial abstinence is! During the all-night vigil, the devil irritated and oppressed me for a long time, confusing me with the desire for the order, until I decidedly despised in my heart this vain distinction or, better yet, my stupid addiction. It is extremely sinful to desire the differences of this world: because of their desire, I fall away in heart from God, loving the adulterous and sinful world, I am divided in heart in a tormenting way between God and the world, I become an idolater, a reveller of God, a servant not of God, but of Belial, who seduces us with the glory of this world: all this I will give to you if, having fallen, you will worship me [Matt. 4, 9]. The priest must be a zealot for the glory of heaven, the glory of the saints of God, achieved by holy deeds, deeds of love for God and neighbor; he must love everything heavenly and incorruptible, and not earthly and corruptible: true wealth, incorruptible sweetness, incorruptible glory, incorruptible beauty, that is, God, who combines in Himself all good. The heart of a Christian must be invulnerable from earthly love, for it is corruptible, criminal, and adulterous. Let us imitate the example of the Forerunner and Baptist John, who trampled on all earthly things and loved the only God, equal to the example of all the saints who despised and desired the blessings above. The Lord is the all-sufficient good of all who love Him. What do we have in heaven? and what did You want on earth? My heart is gone... God of my heart, and my portion, O God, forever [Ps. 72, 25 – 26]. Beer jumps out at you: you shouldn’t drink more than a glass. Rewards have the charm of a forbidden fruit: what kind of languor does someone not feel when they pass him by with a reward? Some people cannot stand such imaginary dishonor. People have found their daily bread in that which does not satisfy, and glory in that which does not bring the slightest benefit, which flatters only our petty pride and feeds pathetic vanity, preventing us from doing things that deserve us true, eternal glory. But how these awards hit you in the ribs! It’s like being whipped with rods or sticks when you don’t get them! What intoxication they bring to the soul, what blindness, what charm, what confusion! Really, we're crazy! We don’t do our true duty, or we do it carelessly, but we want to be distinguished - but isn’t this a lie, isn’t this a blatant untruth, isn’t it a perversion of meaning and order? Or does passion not want to know anything? So passion itself, in turn, should not be known or condoned, but rather exposed and punished! Woe, woe of the heart! Away with the worldly lust of the eyes and the pride of life! How Belial torments him with a desire for reward, how he sets him on fire! What a heat! What poison lets you get to your heart! But this is where the whole falsity of the desire for rewards is visible! From the fruit the tree is known. My reward is in God! Peace, tranquility, freedom, life, sweetness, glory, eternity! How long will you limp on both sides 97 [1 Kings. 18, 21 ]? How long will idolatry last? How long will I not live in simplicity, pleasing with all my soul the one God and expecting reward from Him alone, entrusting to Him alone the assessment of the deeds of my calling? May I not lose the rank of the most heavenly, highest, wonderful priesthood. By God's goodness I am placed at an unattainable height - at the throne of the Lord of glory, at the height of unceasing deification, when I perform such Divine, terrible Sacraments of the Most Pure Body and Blood - and partake of Him! What more could I want? What glory? What advantage? Everything is insignificant before this glory, before this advantage, which the infinite goodness of God has awarded to the priests. Only God forbid that this Sacrament be performed worthily, with a pure, heavenly mind and heart! Then all glory will come to me by itself. All these things will be added to you [Matt. 6, 33]. Prodigal flesh! For secret fornication, you seek to adorn yourself with your differences so that people like you will stare at you! You want to be adorned with distinctions, like beautiful clothes, and the cross of the Lord, on which the Lord of glory endured reproach and torment and a blasphemous and painful death, you think to wear for vain glory, for decoration, like a beautiful thing, but this is a new reproach to the Lord. Be careful that in your orders you do not forget about the poverty of Christ and that you are accursed and poor and poor and blind and naked [Rev. 3:17], so as not to despise the unmarked inferior or poor brethren in rags, who, perhaps, have all the glory within and upon whom the Lord looks with the eye of favor and mercy for their simplicity and humility. Be careful that the glory of this world does not deprive you of the glory of heaven, for everything that is exalted in men is an abomination to God. The proud prince of this century teaches his sons conceit, vanity and the search for distinction, in order to deprive them of future glory. Tell me, who makes you different? What do you have that you would not accept from God, and if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you did not accept it? [ 1 Cor. 4, 7]. So I feel bitterly how the desire for earthly rewards, which, in the essence of the matter, are cutting me off from the heavenly, from the spiritual, the eternal, from the love of God, which, in the essence of the matter, is absurd, unfair, for our reward is only in God and from God! How can you believe when you receive glory from each other, but do not seek the glory that is from the One God? [In. 5, 44]. Holy Archangels and Angels, help us to despise the fleeting glory of the world! Holy Forerunner of the Savior John! who has courageously trampled upon the glory of this world and who has loved the desert with silence, prayer, fasting, and complete non-covetousness! Help us to despise the glory that is here and there, passing away like a dream! All holy apostles, martyrs, saints, venerable and righteous ones and all saints, help us to despise the vain glory of the world. Amen. June 23. Evening, 11 o'clock. Many have an image of godliness, but their power is not [2 Tim. 3, 5] - the enemy has long stolen from the heart for pride and various worldly addictions. My heart constantly almost doubles - even when I don’t pray, and even often when I pray and perform the Sacraments: the tares of sin have taken deep root in me. Lord, have mercy! There is something for a Christian to think about, reflect on, something to feel, something to love with all his soul, something to achieve with all his strength, something to improve in! Is it really enough to bother with everyday trifles and kill in vain and to one’s detriment such a precious and such a short time given to prepare for eternity? Where's the point? Excessive eating is my powerlessness, deprivation of grace; abstinence is my strength. I am deservedly punished by the Lord for vain love for the world, which lies in evil, for, loving the world, I am at enmity against God: friendship with the world is enmity against God [Jas. 4, 4]. Away with the glory of the corruptible world! Away with the orders! I will not humiliate my rank by seeking distinctions from the secular authorities, who are cold towards God and the Holy Church, who do not respect the clergy, who wait for the gifts of the unrighteous, who spend their time in bliss, luxury, love of money, and playing cards. May I cleave with all my soul to the Lord - He is my life, my peace, my judgment, my glory, my Savior, my imperishable treasure. God! Save me from the instantaneous desire for the order, so that this sinful desire does not separate me from You for a single moment and does not cause me hellish fire, sorrow and cramped conditions. Grant me to always grieve for the deprivation of You, the grace of Your Holy Spirit, through my lack of faith, my ingratitude, my inattention to myself, negligence, laziness, malice, envy, pride, disobedience, disrespect, covetousness, impurity, intemperance, waywardness, vanity, partiality and hypocrisy, impatience, irritation, anger, grumbling, insolence, hardness of heart, unmercifulness, beating and other passions; truly, I am worthy not of reward, but of punishment for my countless sins. Let worldly people who do not know the spirit of the Gospel - the spirit of humility, self-condemnation, repentance, or worthy people, not like me - weak, unworthy, indecent, many sinners, seek and be rewarded with worldly rewards; and let me seek tears of repentance, let me constantly correct my accursed heart and my life, let me not take my eyes off the wounds of my heart, the wounds inflicted on me by my passions - from my internal ugliness and putrefaction (of which scrofulous pus serves as an example). Perhaps the Lord will look upon my humility and have mercy on me both now and on the Day of Judgment. The erroneous, short-sighted review of your service by worldly leaders is not the same as the judgment of the Lord and His Church; It often happens that when they blaspheme or pass over their labors and merits in silence, the Lord blesses the Church as well. The only Lord is completely aware of the fruits of our work - He will reward everyone according to their deeds. I have fought the good fight, I have completed my course, I have kept the faith; But now there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that day [2 Tim. 4, 7 – 8]. I thank the Lord with all my heart, for he has enabled me to perform the Divine Liturgy easily and without stumbling, at the great entrance to pronounce without stumbling the entire reigning house by name, and to partake without condemnation of the Divine and life-giving Mysteries for purification, sanctification and peace, freedom and boldness of the soul and for the health of soul and body. Amen. Before Vespers I saw Father Arseny Shchipunov as a hierodeacon and served Vespers with him without a litany; embarrassment did not allow it. After Vespers, I wanted to invite him and his companion to my place, but the christening was forced to wait until I performed the Mystery of Rebirth. He was present at the baptism - I was overcome by God’s zeal and fearlessness, and with God’s help I performed the Sacrament with boldness, sincerity and strength. Their kind review of my service. To God, not to me, the glory is to the Holy Church, not to me. At night I ate cold fish soup, ruff with black bread - and there was too much; fastened; itching in the body. Never eat at night. From fish at night there is strong prodigal tension in the reproductive member, hardening of the heart, cruelty and itching in the body. I thank the Lord, who has comforted me now with Divine Communion and the stumbling-free celebration of the Divine Liturgy. I thank the Lord, who has repeatedly taken away from my soul the sorrow, oppression, confusion, and fear that depressed me as a result of my passions. For when I turned to Him with all my heart with sincere repentance, He, the most merciful, delivered and saved me from the tyranny of passions and evil demons, who attacked me with hellish ferocity, and brought me out of cramped conditions into space, from confusion into the world. Today, during the all-night vigil, he clearly saved me several times. God became man for the salvation and deification of man, who had corrupted the image and likeness of God through sin; through this man becomes a partaker of the Divine nature, fleeing the corruption of lusts [2 Pet. 1, 4]. The importance of the mission of the holy apostles as the Son of God, the Redeemer of the world. Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, who performed the wondrous and terrible mystery of the redemption of the human race, now, in the New Testament, and ever, in the Old Testament, and forever and ever, in the century to come. (Connection of the Old and New Testaments, connection.) The greatness of the evils and troubles in which humanity is immersed; the infinity of torment prepared for unrepentant sinners. The great sacrifice of salvation, or the price for saving the world, is infinite: do not forsake the bosom of the Father, and visit our poverty 98. On Thursday, June 27th to Kasatkina’s house; prayer service to the telegraph operator at 12 o'clock, after mass. Wednesday. Feast of the Tikhvin Icon of the Mother of God. I thank the Lord, who this morning showed His wondrous mercy and power on me, to always deliver me from hellish fire and hellish oppression, for the cruelty of the beggar that befell me. In repentance, I cried out to the Lord, looking at His icon in Khalitov’s house on Northern Boulevard behind the market where I was going to serve a prayer service, and the Lord sent me His salvation. I praise His good obedience, quick obedience and mercy. During mass I also felt extreme tightness and deprivation of grace for yesterday’s gluttony and eating fish, and caviar with drinking wine, and sweet tea at Nikolai Mikhailovich Semenov’s, after the all-night vigil; after the failure to reprimand some names of the royal family at the great entrance, a special closeness of hostility followed. I could barely control myself to serve mass; after communion I felt good, but when I said prayers before the communion of one woman, I did not utter the words: Thy Most Pure Mysteries, I lost the word - and it became languid and cramped. At the prayer service for the blessing of water, I also felt terrible in the cramped space. After consuming the Holy Gifts, I calmed down. Our passionate, self-willed flesh is a disastrous, hellish mediastinum between [God and] the godlike and godlike soul, and therefore it must be constantly mortified and enslaved, that is, its whims, desires, passions: fornication, love of money, gluttony, voluptuousness, intemperance, self-love, pride, envy, disobedience, freethinking, grumbling, despondency, laziness, negligence, etc. This is why fasts are established, vigils or long prayers. We are strangers and strangers here and are preparing to see the Heavenly Father after this cleansing, sanctification and renewal - why are we neglecting this cleansing and renewal, that we are becoming more and more defiled by sins and the vanity of this world, the passions of this age? The carnivorousness and pride of modern people depletes everything for themselves and little, often nothing, for their neighbors; He allows himself everything and forgives everything, but nothing to the beggar. This applies to smoking tobacco, etc. Extra and harmful pleasures are very sinful. I decided to again resort to self-justification, the product of self-love and pride and love of glory, although I myself am all to blame - and for this, for this insolence before the Lord, I suffered extremely in the evening and this morning: I lost the grace and help of God; in service he is extremely embarrassed, oppressed; scorched, darkened during Matins. The Lord endured unjust dishonor for my sake - but I don’t want to endure even righteous, deserved dishonor, but through self-justification I want to get rid of it. No, I will endure it silently. If the Lord pleases, He Himself will justify, but more justly, I must justify myself by deeds. I thank the Lord for the grace of the liturgy and for the communion of the life-giving Mysteries to my revival. Today I did not have boldness before God and people because of yesterday’s voluptuousness and satiety (at Berzina’s, and at home - a roll with almond milk and raspberry jam at lunch and dinner, or tea). The enemy was completely weakened and overcome, especially at the great entrance, during communion and during the reading of the Gospel at the prayer service and dismissal at the memorial service in the church. Worthy of God's help; I felt tightness in my sides and stomach from excess food and drink. I thank the Lord for girding me with power from above and for my boldness during my preaching at late mass; this sermon brought abundant fruit of alms to the Kronstadt poor - 72 rubles 88 kopecks. The harvest in Kronstadt is great—many souls ready for good deeds, but there are few doers, no motivators, no leaders. After I fell to the throne in the Pokrovsky chapel, praying to the Lord with faith and hope to gird me with peace and power from above, I felt the power of God in myself, a pacification of my heart, a fall, as it were, of scales from my insides. Glory to the Lord, who has given me strength and taken away the demonic shame from me. While a Christian must expand his heart more and more to love God and his neighbor, modern man is completely wrapped up in self-love, carnality, voluptuousness, ambition, and greed. Everything for myself and nothing for anyone else: I have, he thinks, the right to all earthly blessings (it’s good that they are not heavenly); the other, who does not have them, the poor man, must drag out a miserable life, and he deserves it, he thinks, he is destined to do so. Look at this young man: he smokes three hundred rubles worth of tobacco a year - that is, he throws away the maintenance of an entire poor family a year, allows himself a reckless, harmful luxury. But this lady sews extra dresses worth five hundred rubles or more a year, which she mostly has in her wardrobe. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also [Matt. 6, 21]. You came to the church to pray - but where your treasure is, there will your heart be: you stand in the church - and where does your heart creep? With whom and what is he interviewing? What hurts you, what makes you embarrassed, what makes you happy? At night and in the morning there is pain in the lower back, probably from fatty, light food or from a narrow [red] (director's) blanket. Do not eat cod (I ate cod sauce at night). Abstinence, abstinence, abstinence! The Lord is angry with the intemperate Esau, for Esau’s heart speaks depraved things. There is so much sweetness, bliss, light, peace, space for the heart in the Christian faith - but precisely, but for a heart that is self-controlled, pure, simple. For this alone, in order to be properly imbued with this heavenly faith, so that it can have its saving effect on us and we can be blessed by it, we must certainly maintain constant abstinence - otherwise what, what benefits will we deprive ourselves of due to intemperance! And this is both here and there! The akathists to the Savior and the Mother of God glorify the incarnation of God the Word and the fruits of the incarnation for the human race, especially for believers. They glorify the abyss of God’s mercy and the countless benefits of God to the human race, revealed in the incarnation of the Son of God, benefits for which, if we brought to God as many songs as there are grains of sand on earth, then we would not adequately, in accordance with the greatness of the benefit, praise and thank God. And the Church composed songs almost equal to sand, in which it glorifies the miracles of the Incarnation and Redemption. The Lord draws us to the mountain - to heaven, and the devil chains, chained our hearts to the earth - to earthly sweets, to earthly beauty, to money, entertainment, fun. As is the desire for a thing or object, such is the sorrow for failure to fulfill the desire. Therefore, it is better not to desire perishable things, so that the soul does not decay. With our attachment to local blessings, we have no desire for heavenly, eternal blessings; having them, we become attached to them - and our hearts fall away from God; desiring and not receiving them, we grieve foolishly - and thereby again we offend God, Who is the only righteous Judge of our deeds and rewards, the Master and Lord, rewarding everyone according to their deeds. The rewards here are often and very often unjust. Everything that doubles our heart, preventing us from concentrating in God, must be discarded, therefore earthly rewards too - they double the heart, they breathe the spirit of worldly addiction, worldly vanity, worldly love, worldly grandeur. They dry up the spirit of Christian love, for whoever seeks to be different from others does not love them, does not respect them sincerely, the dignity of a person is measured by the number of awards he has, and whoever does not have them loses a lot in his eyes. Oh, how good it is that the holy apostles had no external rewards! That is why they themselves loved each other with pure heavenly love: they had no rivalry, envy, arrogance, vanity - and they loved people with fiery love; and when with us someone puts on all his orders, then sometimes you don’t dare come close to him - he takes on such feigned, false greatness, as if demanding awe and reverence for himself; he no longer exudes fatherly love and simplicity, and if at the same time he is still a rich man, then no one can equal him! Looks down on everyone, regardless! If I seek exaltation, differences, I already offend my equals (the apostles James and John, who asked Christ for the first seats [Matthew 20:20-21]), I no longer have Christian humility, Christian love, for love is not exalted, it is not proud [1 Cor. 13, 4]. And the one who seeks rewards brazenly rises above his neighbor standing next to him! Oh, vain, crazy age! Where is the true dignity of man? Are they in ranks, titles or orders? Is it not inside, is it not in the heart - is it not in true humility before God and people, is it not in unfeigned love for everyone and in diligent, selfless, unhypocritical service to God and neighbors? Is it not in meekness? Is it not in purity of heart? And where are these invisible and not rewarded by earthly authorities? Those who seek rewards do not have them, right. True dignity is often hidden under rags. (Alexy is a man of God.) Oh my God! What a greatest mystery has been accomplished for us humans—the incarnation of the Son of God! Its fruits are tasted by the temperate, hardworking, selfless, pure-hearted Christian. Do I have faith, hope and love? If I have faith, then it should be shown in deeds, if I have hope, then I should hope for rewards from God for my deeds, I should hope to see Christ, the Sun of righteousness, and in this hope, cleanse myself from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, spend time doing good deeds, in constant labor, should not seek rewards and distinctions in this world, leaving God to reward or punish us. At every step I am in danger from an unclean heart: if I meet a beautiful woman, a beautiful man, then I stare at them; if it’s ugly, I turn away, despise it and turn out to be a hypocrite, with hypocritical love for people who are all the same - ugly and beautiful - in the image of God. Damn man I am! I always and in every possible way anger God! I thank the Lord, who comforted me immensely with the communion of the holy life-giving Mysteries after strong temptations and grief from the enemy during the liturgy, after the extreme oppression caused by the enemy. Sermon of His Grace Gregory of Kazan (Metropolitan of St. Petersburg). He spoke cheerfully, calmly, freely, cheerfully. About carelessness in your salvation. Resurrection. Served in the Duma. Ever since then I am given over to spiritual death, so that the life of Jesus may appear in my dead flesh [2 Cor. 4, 11]. Lord, the benefactor, I thank You with all my heart for what you have done for me: for taking away my sorrow and my bewilderment regarding my service at the gymnasium and for the benevolence in the thoughts of its head, Pyotr Nikolaevich Yanish. Oh, if only the same happened to Kirill Petrovich [Yanovsky]! But most of all, O Lord, be kind to me, a sinner! May Your Spirit be in me always; May He always guide me to the right of the land. Before God, everyone is the same, and no one should be distinguished by rank, title, beauty, wealth, strength, nobility when it comes to the common faith, worship, and the Sacraments. But our crafty heart is accustomed, accustomed to partiality - this passion, this sin, this illness of the soul must be immediately cut off so that it does not take strong root; we must remember that we are all sinners, and often the noble and rich are especially sinful, all are weak, all are subject to mental and physical illnesses, all are mortal, all are subject, as sinners, to the wrath of God, all are threatened with Gehenna for impenitence. The blessing of the priest and bishop is from the Father and Shepherd. Previously, individuals were engaged in handouts and for this they were sometimes subjected to very, very unfair and undeserved criticism - now all citizens are called upon to participate in caring for the poor in accordance with real justice, for caring for the poor of society is the work of the whole society; every one is pleased to give his share to the poor; Let everyone give, if he wants, advice on how best to accommodate the poor, help them or give them work. My stomach is very strong: I need to eat less, and caviar produces strong lust: I need to avoid it, especially not to eat it at night. July 11, 1874. Rainy day. The wonderful wisdom of God and life-giving power in the visible world; wonderful beauty, benefit; wonderful fragrance in plants! Wonderful, rich, generous, life-giving light in the sun; wonderful warmth, fertilizing everything! Wonderful and glorified are You, all-good, all-powerful, all-wise Lord! If the work of Your hands is such as You are, Lord! If a creature is so beautiful, useful, and life-giving, how beautiful are You, the Creator, how life-giving, how wise, how good! If the corruptible world is so beautiful - oh, how much more beautiful is the imperishable! If the temporary is so good, what is the eternal? If so beautiful and fragrant are the corruptible plants made from the coarse substance, oh, how fragrant are the trees of paradise and the tree of life, how fragrant are the flowers of paradise - most of all, Thy infinite Shrine, Holy Father, Son and Holy Soul, Holy Trinity; how fragrant are the wonderful virtues of all the holy Angels, all the armies of heaven, all the saints! If the perishable light, like the light of the sun, is so beautiful, life-giving, abundant - then how much more beautiful, life-giving, abundant is the imperishable light, the unapproachable light of Your Face, Lord, the Most Pure Mother of God, the Thrones, Cherubim, Seraphim, Dominions, Powers, Powers, Principalities, Archangels and Angels and all the holy saints! If the beauty of another human face is wonderful, attracting the eye and heart, how wonderful, delightful, captivating, life-giving, indescribable is the Beauty of the Creator of creation Himself, the beauty of Your holy Angels! The beauty of the saints! I marvel at You, my Creator, in all the works of Your creation: in precious stones, in all plants, in all the birds of the air, in fish, birds, reptiles, insects, in four-legged cattle and animals, and especially in man, Your beautiful, intelligent, verbal creation. I am amazed at You - in the entire structure of the earth, in the elements, its components, in the air, in the water, in these immeasurable seas, in rivers, lakes, springs; in the fiery abyss hidden inside the earth, and in all bodies, in Your life-giving, wise, artistic power, hidden in the earth and constantly working, creating, decorating, fragrant, reviving; I marvel at You in this wonderful luminary, in the sun, in all other luminaries, in the moon and stars, in all of Your creation, and I beg You: deliver me from the tormenting me, killing me, ugly, stinking sin and let me enter into Your belly, perceive the beauty of Your image, enjoy the contemplation of Your wonderful image, smell fragrant the fragrance of Your holiness. (After a walk in the Engineering Garden - after the rain on July 5, Friday.) Here, Lord, is a sacrifice of my thanksgiving, surprise, glorification! God! remember all Your people, especially Your heritage, born of water and the Spirit! 99 And where I am going, you know, and you know the way. Thomas said to Him: Lord! we don’t know where you’re going; and how can we know the way? Jesus said to him: I am the way and the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me [Jn. 14, 4 – 6] (this is where Jesus Christ is going and where we must go!)... So, let us all go immediately to the Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ, the Intercessor, and with His help... Everyone, having the hope of seeing the Father, cleanses himself from all sin [1 John. 3, 3]... Let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, practicing holiness in the fear of God [2 Cor. 7, 1]. To the Father, to the Father! Buy the interpretation of the Sunday Gospels by Nikephoros of Astrakhan 100 from the Synod Shop. Explanation of Palladian Psalter 101; Ephraim the Syrian 102; explanation of the liturgy of Arseny of Kyiv 103; History of the Rudakov Church 9. Words of Irinarch of Ryazan 104. I thank the Lord, who saved me many times yesterday with His mercy from my passions (envy, hostility towards Father Matthew before and during the all-night vigil), when I repented from the soul and condemned myself sincerely; I thank you for my very condemnation of myself - and this is from God. I spent the night very restlessly: severe itching in my body all night - was it from coffee, or from country milk, which smelled foul of manure, from wine, port wine, or from drinking tea with sugar late in the evening? Is sugar the cause of this itching? Is the soup old for lunch? My flesh is not crucified with passions and lusts, but is revived - that is why I am weak in spirit. Notice this more firmly and kill your snake. The Gospel of the Blind and the Dumb Possessed [Matt. 9, 27 – 33]. My heart's eyes are blinded by pride, carnality, gluttony, gluttony and drunkenness, pride, ambition, envy, love of money; grumbling, impatience, despondency, voluptuousness, partiality and contemplation, hypocrisy, vanity, laziness, negligence, hardness of heart; stinginess, vindictiveness, reproach, slander, lies, deception, frivolity, godlessness, malice, gloating, deceit, blasphemy, brotherly hatred, pickiness, suspicion, irritability, quarrel, humiliation of one's neighbor, cursing, betrayal and other countless sins. And the end of all this is death [Rom. 6:21], unless I repent and correct myself. Sunday. Slept poorly, itching all night; I drank tea late, at eleven o'clock. Early mass was celebrated poorly and with difficulty; the heart is extremely clogged from not serving the Lord for a whole week and from useless walking around the dachas (at the director’s, at Polyakov’s), from breaking the fast (on Friday evening), and the voice is extremely difficult and unclean; the cunning of the enemy has increased to the extreme; the enemy has completely overcome from within; there is confusion, fear, binding in the soul; I could not speak many exclamations and remembrances at the great entrance; At the prayer service, I couldn’t read the Blessing of Water prayer at all. Trouble on all sides, God's grace for my sins forsook me. And after communion there was no complete peace, but confusion, irritation, and crowdedness. New vestments ([Semenova]). Isn't it someone else's armor? I thank the Lord: I spent the night well, calmly - from yesterday’s service and communion of the Holy Mysteries, especially from the glorification of the Lady at the All-Night Vigil - loud, bold: the voice was formed excellent. God bless! Morning. At first he served early mass decently, but with heartache and heartfelt weakness; unclean voice; the enemy seemed to wrap itself around my ribs, causing me despondency. And this is because of drinking two glasses of sherry and eating caviar and cheese in the evening at the Srebreninovs’ with his bride, a widow, who on her part entered into a second marriage with a man who entered into a third marriage - Evdokim Krayushkin. Gabriel Krayushkin's wife was here. My confusion intensified when the sexton Polyglotov began to ask to leave the mass served with Father Matthew, but the sexton Preobrazhensky - drunk - was not there; I was very indignant in spirit and indignant at the drunken sexton, who could not be reached by phone. I read the entire prayer behind the pulpit; At the prayer service for the blessing of water, I was especially embarrassed and could not read from excitement when I saw the culprit of the disorder, the sexton. God will be his judge. And when I married Krayushkin, it was hard for me like hell: embarrassment, shame, fear, tightness, powerlessness of the heart; I felt that a serpent had wrapped itself around my heart and was crushing me with its coils, like a boa constrictor; here all my sins surfaced - my fornication, gluttony, lust, contemplation, man-pleasing, servility, vanity, false shame, false fear, wickedness, shame of Christ, the Church and His words and her words. I was completely abused, spat upon by the ethereal enemy; Before this, I drank sweet tea from the old woman Ekaterina Stepanovna, ate a pie with fish and jam, drank sherry, ate berries - in a word, I was gluttonous and voluptuous. This gave rise to prodigal lust, abomination of prayer and people. True, in the church there were people who were very cold towards God and the Church, filled with worldly vanity, and because of them, I think, there could be some burden; I was very ashamed of the girls I knew, the Kozlyaninovs. What cowardice! God! be merciful to me, a sinner. I grumbled at You that, asking for help with a strong cry, I did not receive it from You, although I myself was unworthy of Your help, being filled with countless sins and having myself given weapons to the enemy against me. And the third marriage was the reason for my distress. Damned, I did not retain love when denouncing my brother who had sinned, but I was embarrassed, irritated, embittered, cursed - and at the altar, calling both him and his comrade a scoundrel and other abusive words. He spoiled himself, hurt himself, deprived himself of the grace of God, peace, freedom, truth, joy in the Holy Spirit. We must remember the spirit of Gospel love: love is patient, merciful, does not envy, is not irritated, does not seek its own... and so on [1 Cor. 13, 1 – 8], or: if a person falls into any sin, you who are spiritual correct him in the spirit of meekness, each one watching himself, so as not to be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ [Gal. 6, 1 – 2]. (Remind Vladimir Nikitin that he needs to write a letter to parishioners and collect money so that he has something to give to the poor in the fall and summer; that there are many hungry people without shelter.) She gives peace to all who praise Thee (Mother of God) 105. I have experienced and am experiencing this myself. I revere the All-Tsaritsa and thank you with all my heart. The great power of the invisible enemy over us and his great tyranny over us is together with the destruction of his intrigues in us and his dominion. Therefore, do not be discouraged when you see that he is severely mocking you and cursing tormentingly at you: then the Lord will crush him, and give you joy. A weapon will pierce your soul, so that evil thoughts and evil passions may be revealed from your heart. I saw in a dream a priest who came to church and was extremely upset with another priest, standing with his back to his brother. In what bitter terms did he reproach him! - I stood up for the reproached - and became a friend to the reproachful for the truth; kissed deeply and hugged. And I saw Gurnova naked and not ashamed. I thank the Lord, who heard me in the hour of sinful crampedness and sadness, when I allowed hostility towards the cemetery sexton Constantine to take over my heart without any reason, and in repentance I cried out to the Lord for mercy, peace and freedom. I received what I asked for. I thank the Lord, who mercifully and quickly heard me when I, upset and embarrassed by the disrespect of (some) F.St. Gerasimov and his wife, a young dandy, in Polyakov’s apartment (baptism) turned to God with a secret prayer for mercy and forgiveness of my anger. Got this too. I felt peace, freedom. He condemned himself and excused them and sincerely prayed for them, as if they were ignorant and had not offended me in the least; He admitted that he was guilty of anger and pride. From sweet tea and coffee my heart becomes extremely weak and is exposed to the torment of an ethereal enemy, as happened today (July 10) in the apartment of the landowner and postmaster Anton Malakhovsky, with the wife of the former postmaster Myakotin - an absurd fear, instilled in the heart from the enemy, overpowered me; and the artillery official Timofey Gerasimov (Alexander’s godson) the enemy doused his insides and heart with lust - he stabbed a sweet sting; and all from the sweet tea and coffee that I drank again at home. God, have mercy on me! Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit in my womb [Ps. 50, 12 ]! (July 10, 1874 Ten and a half o'clock in the evening.) Inner man! Pay all your attention to him: despise the external, despise the flesh; away with selfishness! Pay attention to the incorruptible beauty, to the inner beauty of a person: modesty, purity, chastity, meekness, gentleness, simplicity, kindness, generosity, compassion, patience, humility, obedience, unfeigned love. Away with the pursuit of corruptible, fading beauty, of transitory sweetness, of external decoration. What is practical Christian wisdom? In humility, fasting, unceasing prayer, in patience, in obedience, in labor, in self-denial. The holy apostles, hierarchs, martyrs, saints, unmercenaries, stylites who pleased God were true Christian philosophers. Worthy and honorable they will be blessed forever. They are the subject of imitation of all true Christians. They continually conquered sin; we are continually overcome by sin. On Wednesday, July 10th, Krayushkin Evdokim's third marriage was celebrated in an extremely bad manner; extraordinary confusion, fear, shame, fear, weakness, endless violence of the enemy Saturday. Early mass. I thank the Lord for the infinitely great gift of His mercy, for the unfaltering celebration of the Liturgy and for the life-giving communion of the Divine Mysteries; I thank the Lord, who raised me from my fall into the sin of irritation and rage at my brother, the clerk Alexy, for his untimely departure to the bathhouse after early mass (they walked with Polyglotov yesterday). I repented of the distress and fiery temptation that occurred after sin, and, although not soon, I received forgiveness and peace from the Lord with boldness; At the exchange, a prayer service was served safely, with a free spirit. I thank the Lord, who gave me tenderness and peace and enlightenment during the service of the Sunday all-night vigil; I thank you for the victory over invisible enemies through the prayer of the Most Pure Mother of God during the prayer service before Her new miraculous icon, for the peaceful reading of the two Gospels. Glory to the Lord, the conqueror of hell in me. July 13. Eleven o'clock in the evening. Looking at the cross and at the wounds of the Lord, say in your heart: with these wounds I am healed and am constantly being healed, I am cleansed from sins, I am raised in spirit from the dead, and therefore I glorify and thank the Lord and wholeheartedly kiss these wounds. I thank the Lord for giving me the grace of tenderness and tears during the Divine Liturgy yesterday, Sunday, and boldness during the sermon. At the royal prayer service, I did not read the entire end of the prayer of thanksgiving, namely: I could not, for fear, read the words: always bring thanksgiving and, offering thanks, speak and sing worthy... He repented of his cowardice and received forgiveness from the Lord and peace. I thank the Lord for honoring the celebration of the liturgy on this day, July 15th. Before the Cherubic Song, during it and the great entrance, and then until the end, I was bothered by the withholding of two rubles from the fraternal income in favor of the needs of the brethren and the poor: a fellow countryman [...] paid me five rubles. He promised the Lord to write down another ruble and take the rest for expenses and cab drivers. I thank the Lord, who by His grace has made me successful in the peaceful and stumbling-free service of Matins today. I thank the Lord, who revived me yesterday during the liturgy with the communion of His most pure and life-giving Mysteries. I have seen, Lord, I have seen Your life-giving hand, which delivered me from sinful death, and I glorify Your immeasurable mercy, for You are not overcome by my untruths, but grant repentance and mercy to the repentant ineffably and constantly. Yesterday night, after a walk, I ate kilk with black bread and cheesecakes, and then drank tea, an hour later, and did something bad: I drove the sleep away from myself, tossing and turning from side to side. (I slept during the day - and therefore did not sleep well at night.) Do not drink tea at night. I suffered cruelly and justly from eating meat cutlets and from an extra glass (at dinner) of milk, and then in the evening from a glass of vodka and part of a cheesecake from Father Matthew: the temptations of malice from the enemy are cruel; restless sleep at night; getting up is difficult. Yes, I don’t eat meat... God help me! I thank the Lord for the wonderful victory over my invisible enemies and for the wonderful revival of the Divine Mysteries when I, unworthy, partook of them. During mass, I was greatly tempted by vain anger towards sexton Alexei Preobrazhensky: it was my own fault that he did not want to sing. I shot him down. I repented, and after a long time the Lord forgave. I sinned again against the sexton, and he sinned against me: I came to the funeral service early and started the funeral service without him, and when he arrived, I became angry with him: I showed impatience, I clasped my hands in impatience. I have sinned against the Lord! Forgive me. I thank the Lover of Mankind, my Savior, who delivered me during Vespers today, July 18th (Thursday) from the demonic storm on the occasion of the sexton’s intentional or unintentional omission of Glory and now at the stichera (on the Lord, I cried); I thought that it was intentional, with slyness - and this made me angry in spirit; but the Lord helped me to overcome the spirit of confusion and pronounce the petitions of the litanies of supplication and prayer, and then perform the prayer service with the blessing of water well. Glory to the Lord of hosts, who helps me, the indecent one. Do not deprive me, O Lord, of Your help all the days of my life. Wake up! Look at the saints as deified humanity, honored by God with immeasurable honor; also on true pious Christians, although they commit some sins due to human weakness. Thank the Lord for this endless gift of His mercy and try to become worthy of it by your deeds, by the renewal of your heart. The Church, in its worship and Sacraments, depicts and sacredly performs, by the power of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, the miraculous restoration of the fallen image of God in man and his deification. Wonderful worship! Wonderful Mystery! Grant me, Lord, to sincerely hate all sin, to sincerely love all truth, and most of all to love You, my God, with all my heart and my neighbor as myself. Much, much in me and in me testifies that I love myself too much and do not love You with all my heart, but my neighbor as myself. Why did I greedily devour cream and sweet tea? That’s why the childbearing heart is raging with pleasure, and that’s why it’s frightening dreams. Yesterday, at night (at Gurov’s apartment) from Kedrovskaya’s wedding party, I experienced fornication desecration: the devil imagined in a dream one of the girls dancing in the charms of sleep - and I was tempted. I have sinned against the Lord! And he ate and drank quite a lot of meat, fish, and wine at the wedding. Morning. Didn't sleep very well that night; the dream was rather restless because I drank cream and sweet tea with a roll at night, when nature did not demand it and there was no appetite (I drank tea with cream before evening); the reproductive member from sweet tea and cream in extreme prodigal tension. You should not drink sweet tea for God and the purity of your body and soul; Use as little cream as possible. He served late mass with extreme tightness in the sides, especially in the right, either from the strength of the stomach and from the excess of juices, or from the action of the evil one (which is more correct). And last night I drank too much tea and drank a lot of cream (it was they, by the way, that were pushing me back). After communion, he became miraculously revived and strengthened in spirit. Glory to the Lord, the conqueror of hell in me. Many babies received communion, the church was full of people. Income from mass is 34 rubles 50 kopecks. Unprecedented! Thank the Lord! During the all-night vigil, as before at vespers, the voice was weak from fish and beer; Before the all-night vigil I felt extremely sluggish and despondent, but after tea before the all-night vigil I perked up. By the halfway point of the all-night vigil, the voice became good from the internal struggle and liberation from the inner sinful cortex. Towards the end of the all-night vigil, I was embarrassed by the wishes of the archpriest on the occasion of the soon to be twentieth anniversary of my service. He repented, remembering the request of the sons of Zebedee for primacy in the Kingdom of Christ and the Lord’s answer: can you drink the cup of suffering? [Mk. 10, 38]. We avoid sorrow and suffering for Christ, but we are so greedy to receive distinctions and promotions! Take first place! Is sin defeated within? Is the heart new? Have you fulfilled your pastoral duty? Have you saved many sheep? Did you lift up the exhausted? Was the sick thing healed? Again I was seduced by the flesh - last night I ate fish and black bread late last night, which required a long walk. I sinned through gluttony and intemperance. Eating pike perch with flour sauce and black bread late last night had bad consequences in the morning at early mass: this food lay like dead lead on my heart and an enemy battery against me - because of this poison I died, accursed, in spirit, and only the much-merciful and long-suffering Lord raised me from the dead by the power of His Divinity, after receiving His Most Pure Flesh and Blood. Glory to Your power, glory to Your mercy, O Lord! The science for me is not to do what is worthless and perishing, that is, not to indulge in gluttony, but to do what is worthless, which is in the eternal life [John. 6, 27], that is, despising perishable food, try to receive communion more often, worthily preparing through prayer and fasting for the incorruptible meal, the life-giving Mysteries of the Body and Blood of the Lord. A well-fed soul tramples even a honeycomb [Prov. 27, 7]. Thus, one priest in St. Petersburg, it seems a military man, probably satiated with wine and food and obsessed with playing cards, scolded the Holy Mysteries, calling a soldier and ordering him to use the Holy Gifts; he refused, also with disdain. Oh, horror! Oh, treason, worse than Judas! Oh, blasphemy of the devil! (Review of Father John Nikitich Polisadov about the professors and students of the Academy as freethinkers, atheists. The truth! - It’s a pity! I will sing to my Beloved the song of my Beloved about His vineyard [Isa. 5: 1].) The Church, in her litanies - great, petitionary and small, often reminds Christians that they, together with the saints and the Mother of God, are members of a single body animated by the one Spirit of God, and that the Head of this body is Christ God, to whom, as God, and Shepherd, and Visitor of our souls, we must surrender ourselves and each other completely. The purpose of the service is to inspire in all members brotherly love for each other, complete love and devotion to the Savior and the Mother of God, to ask for forgiveness of sins, sanctification, strengthening, enlightenment, to give life-giving food and drink in the Blood of the Lord, to prepare for communion with the saints in heaven and eternal bliss. The power, that is, the royal power, keeps everyone and everything in order, goodness, well-being, or well-being, in silence. And the power of God, with its infinite wisdom and power and its goodness, contains in order and goodness all the angelic ranks, the faces of the saints, the human race, all the worlds in the universe and all kinds of animals, birds, fish, reptiles, reptiles, all insects - all genera and species of plants, all the earth and all the waters, all the air, all the fire element, all the element of light, everything. Glory to the power of God, under which we are always preserved day and night, all days and years. Yesterday, July 20, I ate cottage cheese with unleavened milk without bread and drank quite a bit of tea (three glasses), and that’s why I had lower back pain at night, had trouble sleeping, and also because of the torrential rain all night and in the morning. I must have a blockage in my stomach (or from yesterday’s salmon pie at Ivan Andr.?). Who will give me sincere, fiery, broad love for all people, so that with a burning spirit I can pray for the salvation of all, without stumbling, freely, boldly? God! Apart from You, no one can give this: Everything is possible for You - create a pure heart in me and renew a right spirit in my womb and give it the priceless treasure of Your love, and take away the love of this world, corruptible and unclean. This is the desire and prayer of my heart before You for this day! (21 July 1874) The reform of religious educational institutions, especially higher academies, led to bitter extremes - to freethinking, demoralization (immorality). Nobody becomes a monk, they laugh at monasticism, they have become Lutheran completely. The spiritual-judicial reform will lead to the same disastrous, and even worse, consequences, when the secular principle and the power of the white clergy will prevail in the Church of God. And now the character of Orthodoxy is very little in the life of the laity and clergy, and then, with the humiliation of the monastic principle, which has always defended this character with special force in the faith, worship and life of Orthodox Christians, it will completely disappear. Bad times! What are our metropolitans, archbishops and bishops and archimandrites doing? Why are they silent? The orders disarmed them. Resurrection. Late mass. I thank the Lord, who gave me, in my bodily weakness, in my despondency and laziness from the rainy weather, tenderness of heart during the celebration of the Liturgy and a wonderful revival and renewal after communion of the Holy Mysteries. The sermon was delivered by Metropolitan Gregory with animation. After mass, a terrible temptation - my anger at the sexton for his slowness during the multitude of services, and especially the unction of the sick Ekaterina Prokofievna. He became embarrassed, became embittered, scolded the sexton, was offended, and in this form of displeasure, and grief, and confusion, and cramped conditions, he administered unction. After the unction, he went into the Duma church, fell to the throne, repented of his madness and mercy, and asked God for healing and forgiveness - and received a miraculous salvation. Glory to the Lord! Praises of the liturgy: universal liturgy, most heavenly, premium, purifying, enlightening. We perform divine services less frequently, saying everything: let us be quick in the world - there is only sin and the machinations of the enemy, there is the lust of the flesh, the eyes and the pride of life [1 John. 2, 16 – 17]. Agripina, a girl, a servant of the widow Prokofieva, died from childbirth, from the accretion of a baby to the uterus - this is a testimony to the righteous Judgment of God to adulterers and adulterers and to the fear of all living in a so-called civil marriage. July 21st eleven o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord, who allowed me to calmly, freely, without stumbling (only when saying absolution I faltered, without pronouncing Saints Constantine and Helen and the Great Martyr Procopius) to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage, with the smallest number of people. The wedding is simple, Dmitry and Daria. The bride had a virginal, meek, angelic gaze, direct, open, simple. With my gluttony, I constantly lose a lot for my soul and body: I ​​lose the grace of God, the mercy of the world, [I lose] restful sleep, mental light, a feeling of heart, a feeling of sincere love for God; I feel burdened throughout my body; in addition, he must often walk in the air to do promenade; I deprive myself of reading the word of God, writing edifying works, I deprive my spiritual children of many very useful things, I become not a shepherd, but a mercenary, caring only about myself and especially about my flesh. How many spiritual books I would have read - with great spiritual pleasure, how many useful books I would have written, if I had not indulged in gluttony! Today I slept poorly; There was no peace in my soul, but sorrow, confusion, and cramped conditions. In the evening, sweet blueberry pie. I didn’t serve it to beggars late in the evening. Why did you drink beer in the evening? Don't drink beer - it alienates you from the grace of God. I thank the Lord for the worldly Divine Liturgy, for its stumbling-free and uncondemned performance, for the sweet cleansing of sins, for the peace, freedom, boldness, joy, strength given to me in the communion of the Holy Mysteries. Early mass from Evdokia Ivanovna Shlyakova. There are many superficial prayers, that is, close to God only in the tongue and not in the heart, but there are few who pray with all their hearts, from the depths of their souls, with ardent love for God, with firm hope. And what is the use of these prayers and from these prayers? No. God Himself says about them that their heart is far from Him and they honor Him in vain [Mk. 7:6], that is, they bow down with their bodies, chatter with their tongues, burn censers, light candles, trample His courtyards - for in their hearts they remain as corrupt as they were: hard-hearted, evil, envious, proud, prodigal, intemperate, stingy and covetous, crafty, unrighteous, covetous, bribe-takers, idle, parasites and so on. Why do you need to pray from the depths of your heart? Because sin lies in the depths of the soul, preventing sincere prayer, true, unfeigned - and in order to pray pleasing to God, we must reject the sins that separate us from God like a wall. During the liturgy, the Mystery of the reconciliation of God with sinful man, who constantly irritates the justice of God, is celebrated - the mystery of purification, sanctification, renewal and deification of the faithful; the mystery of the greatest, endless mercy, the condescension of God. Thursday. I thank and extol the Lord, who accepted my repentance for the sins of bitterness against the poor according to the slander of Aristarchus of Kozlovsky, a coppersmith, who reproached me for giving alms to parasites, because of which, allegedly, the people (the whole people) will not work, hoping for an easy means (begging for alms) to obtain money. I, he says, never submit and never will. I was extremely upset both at the beggars, recognizing some truth in the words of the uninvited adviser, and at him, Kozlovsky, a scolder and arrogant self-praise in evil. With this, I am sending you the gardener you asked for. Gardening Julia Ottovicha Vogt Mariinskaya Slobodka, Aleksandrovskaya Street, own house, N 36th. The Lord had mercy on me, took away confusion, sorrow and oppression, and gave me peace with boldness and a glorious, stumbling-free service of the liturgy in the cemetery church of the Holy Trinity with the most peaceful, sweet communion of the Holy Mysteries. But I felt that this grace was given to me for abstaining from food and excessive drinking in the evening. After communion of the Holy Mysteries, I felt an excess of peace, spiritual strength and boldness. Glory to the Lord of hosts! He - the Prototype, the Lord - loves me, His image, and I, His image, must love Him, my Prototype, to the fullest. Wake up! What is more worthy of our love than the Lord? Friday. I thank my many-merciful, all-generous, benevolent and quick-to-obey Lord, who saved me from my sinful oppression in the Engineering Garden and then in the Cathedral at the All-Night Vigil, when I prayed to Him with all my heart in repentance. I sinned before the Lord greatly, greatly, when performing the Sacrament of Unction (Blessing of Unction) over the old woman Ivakinskaya on the mountain, thinking about monetary rewards for myself while reading prayers and even the Gospel. I forgot the words of the Gospel: freely you have received, freely give [Matt. 10, 8]. I insulted the grace of God by desiring silver for the gift of God and selling the grace of God for silver. And for this I lost peace, freedom, boldness, joy in the Holy Spirit, which had hitherto filled my soul and made me blessed in sacred rites. Not money, but precisely these gifts of God’s grace are for me the greatest, priceless, imperishable, glorious reward for the sincere performance of all prayers, Sacraments, sacred rites, and rituals. Let me no longer think about material reward: it will come by itself, it will be added, according to God’s immutable word [Matt. 6, 33], but let me care about the Kingdom of God, which is within us, by the grace of God; Let His acquisition be considered more valuable than many millions of material treasures. Father, Son and Holy Soul, my Trinity God, have mercy on me. For the glorification of the holy great martyr and healer Panteleimon in the liturgical canon, the Lord gave me, through his prayers, the grace of peace, freedom and boldness, and with this grace I safely, boldly, sincerely performed the Sacrament of the Parting Words of the Sick and the Sacrament of the Blessing of Anointing, until the desire for silver confused me and plunged me into confusion, anxiety, darkness, crampedness and disgrace. For everything, thanks be to the Lord: for reproof and punishment, for mercy and peace, for everything is for good, for my correction, and may I stand on the true and saving path, and not on the false, deceiving and destructive one. Don’t eat onions or mealy sauces; cod - less often. I thank the Lord, who reproaches and punishes me. Yesterday I left a silver ruble from my fraternal income for the benefit of the poor, and during the wedding of my second marriage, when I saw Deacon Peter at the door, I was embarrassed and felt cramped; I couldn’t say my prayers calmly - my conscience denounced me. We went to administer unction to Khrenov’s mother-in-law: again, from embarrassment and shame inside, I could not read; but as soon as I made a vow in my heart to write the ruble into the mug, I immediately calmed down: I began to calmly, joyfully, and with great boldness perform the Sacrament. Glory to the Lord! I thank the Lord, I thank the Most Pure Mother of God, that He, and She, by His ineffable mercy, healed me from a relaxation of the stomach and from a severe headache that happened yesterday evening. May I praise You, Lord, all the days of my life. I thank the Lord, who stopped the suffering of the baby (July 28) through my prayer, even unworthy, in the 4th sailor barracks, and first of all other babies. The baby, who had suffered for a long time and had not slept, fell asleep and then died. My hope, Lord, glory to You! Buest, riot (Church glory) – stupidity, madness (from buʹiy – unreasonable, ignorant). Plesna (Church Slavic) – foot. Irmos of the 4th song of the Sunday canon at Matins, tone 8. That is, people who received Holy Baptism. Nikephoros Theotoki (†l799), originally from the island of Corfu. Since 1786, Archbishop of Astrakhan: from 1799 - Archbishop of Kherson. Palladium (Pyankov; 1816 – 1882), bishop, exegete. Born into the family of an archpriest in the Perm province. He graduated from the Moscow Theological Academy in 1840 and was appointed to the Perm Theological Seminary. Ordained a priest in 1844. Having been widowed, he became a monk (1846) and was appointed inspector of the Saratov and then the Kazan seminary. Since 1854 archimandrite. Consistently held the position of rector of the Perm, Chisinau and Oryol seminaries. In 1869 he was consecrated Bishop of Kineshma, vicar of the Kostroma diocese. Later he was a vicar bishop in the Vyatka diocese. In 1877 he was appointed to the Olonets department. Bishop Palladius dealt with issues of schism, but his main works were of an exegetical nature. In 1874 he published a Commentary on the Psalms, compiled from Hebrew, Greek and Latin texts. Ephraim the Syrian (c. 306 - 373), venerable, one of the great teachers of the Church of the 4th century. The first place among his works is occupied by interpretations of the Holy Scriptures. Memory January 28 (February 10). Arseny (Moskvin; 1795 – 1876), Metropolitan of Kiev and Galicia (from July 1, 1860). Metropolitan Arseny, a man of high, bright mind and kind heart, served much for the benefit of the Church in Tambov, Podolia, Warsaw and Kyiv; He constantly fought against the sectarian Molokans and Doukhobors, and published many spiritual books. In 1874, and then in 1879, his book “Explanation of the Divine Liturgy, compiled from conversations spoken to the Tambov flock in 1836 - 1837” was published in Kyiv. Irinarch (Popov; 1790 – 1877), Archbishop of Ryazan and Zaraisk. In 1836 he was consecrated Bishop of Staritsky, vicar of the Tver diocese. He occupied various departments; On December 20, 1863 he was transferred to Ryazan. On August 29, 1867, he was retired due to illness and assigned to live in the Ryazan Spassky Monastery, and in 1868 - in the Ryazan Trinity Monastery. Archbishop Irinarch, in his education and in his outstanding moral qualities, was a remarkable man of his time. He was a profound theologian, a remarkable linguist, and a tireless and zealous preacher. His life was a model of moderation, selflessness and meekness. His works were published in 1868 in ten books. Irmos of the 5th song of the canon to the Most Holy Theotokos. You might be interested in: