Март 1869 г.

March 1, 1869. I thank the Lord, who with streams of tears and the communion of the Holy Mysteries cleansed the filth of my soul and body, the thorns and butts of passions and the relaxation of soul and body, and filled me with peace and health and renewed everything! Such is the power of the liturgy, reverently, with true contrition of heart, with faith and love and with a burning, perfect spirit. Glory to the miracles of Your goodness and Your power, restoring and renewing us from the corruption of our souls and bodies into incorruption. Glory to Thee, our Creator and Savior, who transforms us from sinners into righteous ones, from the nasty and unclean into the pure and fragrant with Thy holiness, from the weak into the strong, from the cowardly into the courageous, from the ignorant into the wise. Glory to the miracles of Your holy faith! God! Be known in Thy faith by all the languages of the earth: if I, who is worse than any man, have been made worthy of the Tuna with so many gifts of Thy faith, according to Thy sole compassion, how much more have I been made worthy of her gifts, much better than I, by nature, for I by nature, outside of Thy grace, am a worse sinner than all others? them. Akathist to the Sweetest Jesus. What wealth is the Lord Jesus Christ for a Christian: He is everything to him; He wants nothing but Jesus Christ; He is perfect completeness for him. Akathist to the Mother of God: and the Mother of God for a Christian constitutes all his spiritual wealth, or the treasure and source of all gifts of grace. These akathists are a magnificent Christian song! Wonderful church wealth! Various everyday pleasures and entertainments are incompatible with the severity, heavenly, spirituality, and holiness of the faith of Christ: pyrotechnic fires, theaters, card games, ice skating, luxurious balls, etc. If a brother acts against the Gospel, for example, collects wealth and does not give it to anyone, then God will judge him, but do not have malice or zeal against him, for through malice you will sin more than a brother who loves money. And look at yourself: aren’t you also a lover of money? For what does this irritability of yours mean when giving alms to the poor and annoyance at the rich who do not give alms, if not love of money, if not addiction to earthly things, if not envy of the rich, while you, you should have rejoiced at the squandering of alms to the poor - the members of Christ - at the thought of reward at the Last Judgment of Christ, when it will be said: I was hungry, and you gave me food [ Matt. 25, 35] and so on, and grieve for the rich but stingy brother, sighing with love for the darkening of his soul. With all the wealth, a rich man needs no more than you, that is, to quench his hunger and thirst with food and drink, to be clothed, to have a home, some necessary accessories for a table, an office, a library - and other wealth is rubbish, a burden for his soul, and anyone who thinks about heavenly things will never envy this rubbish, which clogs and suppresses the soul and chains it to the earth... You have everything you need - and thank God for it and be pleased with it. Remember that the reward for alms is great; give it willingly and do not be jealous of the wicked, that is, lovers of money, hard-hearted and ungiving, the wicked will be consumed... and will leave their wealth to strangers [Ps. 36, 8–9; 48, 11]. Imagine that no one is richer than you, for your wealth is in God and in the poor: they are your treasure. March 8, 1869. I thank the Lord, who helped me to successfully celebrate the early liturgy on Saturday in the first week of Great Lent and to give communion to up to four hundred communicants. Temptation immediately upon transubstantiation by the person of Father Deacon Peter Al. Sofronova. Are you interested in the mercy of God, the cleansing of sins, holiness, the peace of God, the good yoke of God and His light burden? If you are interested, if you wish, value, value, and, moreover, constantly, then it will be of the greatest interest for you to visit the church of God, be present at the divine service, listen to the word of God, confess, receive communion, and so on. You stand before the throne of the king of the earth, - do you think that the one standing before the throne of the King of Heaven - the King of kings - means less than you? Respect the servant of Christ, and they will respect you too, the servant of the Tsar. Sincerely hate every sin, sincerely love every virtue - and do this at every moment without fail. Sincerely ask the Lord for forgiveness of sins, sincerely ask for a perfect life, perfect virtue. March 6, 1869. My wonderful wealth is Christ! Miraculous cleansing, sanctification. My strength, my boldness, my robe, my nobility, my greatness. I thank my Lord that through a single glance at Him with the eyes of my heart and body, I took away my current day of iniquity, healed the wounds of passions, calmed, spread, and made me glad with His salvation - in the gymnasium in grades six and three. Are you captivated by the beauty of human faces? - But who is more beautiful than our Lord, the God of our hearts, the Creator of all beautiful things? Are you captivated by the sweets of life? - But what is sweeter than the Lord? Are you captivated by wealth? - But who is richer than the Lord? He is inexhaustible wealth, enriching everyone, spiritually and materially. Are you seduced by honor? – But what honor is greater than to be called a child of God, a friend of Christ? Do you wish for a long and happy life? – But what is longer and more blessed than eternal life? So, is it worth it, is it reasonable to be seduced by something earthly, short-lived, illusory? Father Alexander Pesotsky will be remembered at prayer and at the proskomedia. [...] caress him. In a dream, Father Alexander hinted at my inhospitality and did not kiss me. It is impossible to give more than what God has given you, for He gave you Himself, or His flesh and blood united with His Divinity; He made you His son when you were a child of wrath and curse; He gave you everything you needed from external goods, even excess, and did not give you more from external goods, because they would be harmful to you - to your soul and body. If now you are already receiving severe harm from these external goods, clinging to them and suffering misfortunes, wounds from addiction, falling away from love for God and neighbor and from striving for things above and falling into things below, then what would happen if you had even more of these benefits? You would be mired in sensuality. March 8. Saturday. All-night vigil. Cling to Thyself, O Lord, [...] these are Thy people; Animal vine, behold Your birth - may they bear fruit from the grapes that exude the wine of virtues; All Your vessels - let them all be in honor; fill them with You; O good shepherd, behold your sheep: feed them and exalt them forever [Ps. 27, 9 ]; Father, behold your children; Creative, behold your verbal creatures; Lord, behold your servants. Just as merchants stand for each other, so priests should stand for each other, only in truth; those are worth more in untruth. Now pride, now malice, now envy, now lust, now covetousness, now lust, now stinginess, now laziness, now despondency and despair, now cowardly fear, now partiality, now irritability and other passions alternately pursue me, like furies, like animals: everything is untruth and untruth in me - how not to hunger and thirst for the truth, or the fulfillment of all virtues! March 8. I thank You, Lord my God, for the fiery, tearful prayer that You gave me through my prayer as a result of the sinful oppression that befell me for being upset with the poor and for not fully satisfying their requests. What is the purpose of daily services and holidays - Resurrection, Christmas and others? Diligent, tearful prayer not only cleanses sins, but also heals bodily infirmities and illnesses and renews a person’s entire being and, so to speak, regenerates it, says experience. Oh, what an invaluable gift - prayer! Glory to Thee, Father of bounties and God of all joy [2 Cor. 1, 3 ]; glory to You, the Only Begotten Son of God, who interceded for us endless forgiveness of our sins; glory to Thee, O All-Holy Soul, intercede in us with groanings that cannot be uttered [Rom. 8, 26], giving fiery prayer, with sighs and tears, warming a cold soul, giving tenderness and sorrow for sins, cleansing, sanctifying, pacifying, strengthening and renewing us - glory to Thee, Holy Trinity, Beginningless, Life-Giving, forever blessed from all intelligent creatures 58. March 9th, 1869. Sunday. I thank the Lord, who several times helped me to carry out a public, open-air litany for the deceased Paraskovya Yakovlevna Kurechapova in the presence of priests, among whom I was the leader. March 9, 1869. The Lithium was on March 7th, Friday, the Fourth Week of Lent. I thank the Lord, who allowed me to perform the liturgy without stumbling on Saturday of the First Week of Great Lent (and the day before to make confession) and to pronounce the entire royal house by name. God! I am afraid that I may not remain ungrateful before You for Your mercies shown to me. God! Your power has been perfected and is being perfected tenfold in my weakness [2 Cor. 12, 9]. Bless, my soul, the Lord, and all that is within me, His holy name: bless, my soul, the Lord, and do not forget all His rewards: He who cleanses all your iniquities, who heals all your illnesses [Ps. 102, 1 – 3]. Blessed be the ecu, Lord! If you are going to visit someone out of obligation to communicate and you do not feel a cordial disposition towards the person you are going to, so that your heart is crafty and cold, then pray to the Lord at home, so that He will give you the grace of love for your neighbor and unfeigned, friendly treatment and conversation with him. And so it will be! Try to love everyone as you love yourself. I thank the Lord, who has strengthened me this day at Vespers to pronounce without stumbling the names of the entire royal house. March 10, 1869. The education of youth is lifeless. Learn living prayer and singing. This is true life. The Church is the life center of a Christian; The Church is a spring of living water, that is, the grace of God; but, alas! Our youth being raised is almost completely removed from this living spring. It is burdened with the study of secular, often completely unproductive subjects and removes them from worship even on Sundays and holidays: students sit at home and study lessons. Yesterday, March 10th, the devil brought upon me an evil despondency over the fact that I learned about the delivery at one time to the Prussian subject Liebnitz, who was married to me, of the obligation to baptize and raise their children in the Orthodox faith to the clergy, while it was not submitted to the Consistory. The idea of ​​some kind of misfortune began to frighten and irritate me, inciting me in the fiercest way, as if with fiery rods. I barely drove away this despondency with intense prayer. How cowardly I am! But glory to the power of God, perfected in my weakness! March 11. How can you, O priest, be angry at the verbal creation of God, created in the image of God, at these beggars demanding alms, and, moreover, because of the dust called money? How do you not value spiritual peace and, being angry at your neighbor, madly deprive yourself of this sweet Divine peace? How long will you corrupt the church of God—your heart? How long will you be proud and disdainful of your poor brethren? How long will satiety last? How long is the addiction to perishable things? How long will the incorruptible Kingdom, to which we are called and renewed by Baptism, be forgotten? I thank the Lord, who surprised me with His mercy and His power when I served Matins on this date; I thank the Lady, who gave me the strength to boldly proclaim the entire great litany and pronounce the royal house by name. Have the heartfelt conviction that by serving the poor, you are serving Jesus Christ Himself, as He Himself assures (You are a fellow worker with Me [Matthew 25:40]), and serve willingly, not being burdened by your efforts on their behalf, humbly and heartily showing mercy on their behalf. Glory to the faith of Christ: prayer, the Word of God and the Holy Fathers and the Holy Mysteries - to it I owe meekness, chastity, abstinence, tranquility, and all sorts of good successes. Without her, I would have died long ago. Continuous experiments. Do not hesitate when evil, blasphemous, nasty thoughts, fear, etc. trouble you, but stand still with your heart, looking with the eyes of your heart to the Lord. I thank the Lord, who has now repeatedly surprised me with His mercy, who has despised my sins, who has protected my soul with peace, so that I calmly performed all the services and the royal family and spoke all the exclamations and prayers with boldness - both during Matins and during the Liturgy. I thank the Lord, who took away from my heart the fiery, oppressive despondency and great confusion that befell me as a result of hearing from Father Deacon Alexander about the appointment of a new clergyman to the Assumption Church in the Duma. Only through prayer did I overcome and drive away this cowardly confusion. Even if you deliberate in council [Russian: you are concocting plans], the Lord will destroy... for God is with us [Isa. 8, 10]. I thank the Lord, who forgave me the sin of anger and contempt towards a beggar, who asked me for significant alms at the end of the day, after many beggars. I felt sorry for the twenty-five kopecks and annoyed that this poor man asked me for alms every day, although the Lord always gave and always gives me tuna. Is this how I work for Jesus Christ? Do I really believe that Christ Himself receives Him in the person of the beggar? How do I fail under mild temptations and become irritated? And besides, who is sad when sowing seeds? Doesn't every sower rejoice? Oh, cowardice! Oh, addiction to earthly things! What is most valuable in a person? - The soul created in the image of God. What corrupts the soul and humiliates it, enslaving it to dust? - Passion. Therefore it is necessary to eradicate passions. Food and drink are real bonds for a person: you eat and drink greedily, although it is pleasant, but afterwards it will be cramped and bitter. Why do I not deny myself and give to the beggar what I have in my wallet, even though I have previously given a lot to many? Why am I angry, annoyed at the beggars who come up to me in every place, and not where I tell them to? Where is my faith? Where is meekness and kindness? Where is the respect for people? Where is the vision of the heart's eyes in the face of the Lord's poor? If giving alms is a sowing, then why do I not give alms with humility, not with goodness of heart, not with desire, not with joy? If, all the more, the Lord Himself accepts in the person of the poor, then why do I not give alms with the greatest joy and rejoice at every occasion to give it? Oh, how little faith I still have in me, how much attachment to earthly things! Forgive me, Most Merciful, my sins! I have sinned before You alone! And how much harm to the soul comes from rage and irritation, from swearing! Fire and stones thrown at others are directed at ourselves. Arming ourselves with others, we arm ourselves with ourselves. What a delight there is in any passion - in rage, love of money, fornication, envy, laziness, rebellion, gluttony: so you are carried away by some apparent pleasantness before and during the commission of sin, and when the sin is committed, then you will feel pierced with fiery arrows. By insulting man, we insult God, for man is in the image of God and because God took on human form, became human, and united human nature with Himself. So, do not insult anyone, do not revile anyone in anger. Every person who does any evil, satisfies any passion, is sufficiently punished by the evil he commits, by the passion with which he works, and most importantly by the fact that he departs from God and God departs from him. Therefore, to harbor evil towards this person would be extremely insane and extremely inhumane: it means drowning a person who is already drowning, pushing someone into the fire who is already being consumed by flames. To such a person, as if he were perishing, one must show deep love and fervently pray to God for him, and not condemn him, do not despise him, do not slander him, do not gloat about his misfortune. When you see or hear about the bad actions of your neighbor, try in your soul to excuse him by various circumstances, and when you yourself do something bad, mercilessly expose yourself, for the enemy always tries with our pride to cover up and reduce or excuse our sins, and the sins of our neighbor are always exaggerated to us or his ordinary, indifferent actions are presented as malicious, in general he tries to constantly slander on our neighbor, especially on neighbors, co-workers, relatives, in general on those with whom we are in frequent contact, with whom we live and serve. Therefore, beware lest you work for the enemy by reproaching the brethren. Better blame yourself, and forgive them and pray for them. Working in the womb is a difficult task: it’s sweet for a few minutes, but for a few hours it’s a burden to the soul and body. How many times have I subsequently had to repent of consuming certain types of food with greed? I thank the Lord, who gives me boldness in serving in the church. A frivolous people, cold towards faith and the Church, who do not understand either one or the other, daily strive for entertainment, for pleasure, have forgotten Wednesday and Friday, or what was done on these days for our eternal good and bliss, do not fast on these days, considering them to be no different from others. How beneficial is the faith of Christ in real life: it, suppressing passions in the bud, does not allow them to produce harmful effects in the soul and body and makes a person calm and healthy, for example, suppressing in the bud fornication, anger, hatred, envy, pride, laziness, luxury, gluttony, drunkenness. Forgive me, Lord, the cruel words that I spoke to Archpriest Paul, my father, and Archpriest Matthew, my brother. How reckless a hot man is! How many insolent, unfair and cruel words he will say about his brethren, about his boss, both in absentia and even to his face. But a meek person is even and calm and will not say anything insolent - and for that he himself is calm. March 16. I thank You, Lord, for Your mercy given to me last night after evening prayer, when I, in cramped conditions and embarrassment from sin against my brethren - Archpriests Paul and Matthew - shed tears of repentance and tenderness before You, reading the verse More than the harlot, Better than the lawless! 60 Oh, let me not condemn my brethren, but let me look at my sins. Grant me longsuffering, Lord! How beneficial are fasting, prayer and work! What order, peace and silence they bring to our entire being! What a peaceful dream! How easy it is to get up in the morning! (For secular people who do not want to fast.) How angry and irritable I am! Today I was angry with the archpriest because he sent two people who had an affair to me for penance, and not to Father Matthew! Although this is unfair on the part of Father Archpriest, because Father Matthew is not busy with any outside service, and I had to accept this order calmly, without vexation and anger; Moreover, someone needs to save sinners; We must also remember the reward promised for the conversion of a sinner: if any of you deviates from the truth, and someone converts him, let him know that he who converts a sinner from the wrong path will save his soul from death and cover a multitude of sins [Jas. 5, 19 – 20]. Therefore, we must thank the archpriest for this, although he does it unfairly and out of pathetic enmity. How much did you sell the land for? [Acts. 5, 8] - the Apostle Peter asked Ananias, and when he lied, withholding the price of the field, the Apostle denounced him - and he fell dead [Acts. 5, 1 – 5]. This is how lies are severely punished. Your wife often asks you: does my mug give me as much as you gave me, and you answer - yes, although the mug is sometimes larger, hiding part of the money from your wife, although perhaps for a charitable purpose. It's a sin. March 15. Saturday of the Second Week of Lent. I thank the Lord for the grace sent down from Him during the all-night vigil, for the gift of sincere prayer, for tears of tenderness, for the knowledge of the love of the Lord, which the Lord has and has shown to us sinners; for the womb and breasts of matter, for the love that the Lord put into mothers; for the creation of the universe, for the heavenly Kingdom and bliss, for the Church, for the Sacraments. Especially for the Divine Body and Blood, in which the Lord especially surprised us with His mercy, His love, which surpasses (surpasses) reason. I thank You, Lord, for You deign to listen to me favorably, to talk with me internally, to cleanse, sanctify and pacify me. I thank you for taking away the confusion and tightness of my heart, driving away my cowardice and fears and giving me courage and boldness, taking away the infirmities of the flesh and spirit and constantly bestowing Your strength. Inexpressibly great are Thy mercies towards me, O All-merciful King, my mind is lost in the greatness of Thy love, Thy good deeds, Thy wisdom, Thy power. Since the devil, through sin, through forbidden food, mixed with people, the works of God’s hands, created in the image of God, the Son of God, having become incarnate from the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary, mixed with humanity and through the Mysteries of His Body and Blood constantly mingles with us, adoring us. Glory to Your power, wisdom and goodness, Lord! Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen. These great words remind us that there is an eternally living Trinitarian Being - God, Who brought all creatures from non-existence into existence and rules over everyone. I thank the Lord my God, who has strengthened me this day to celebrate the Divine Liturgy in the tears of many with an unfailing and calm reprimand at the great entrance of the persons of the reigning house. But, after the transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts, when they sang: In You, O Gracious One, every creature rejoices - and when I commemorated, according to the guidance of the liturgy of St. Basil the Great, the dead and the living in lengthy prayer, Satan almost swallowed me up, pouring into my heart the poison of anger at the reader Nicholas, who stood in the altar, whom I did not want to look at, lest I be tempted, and at whom I cast a momentary half-glance. Oh, how embarrassed I was after that, how an involuntary anger immediately stung me. But I soon cursed the libelous serpent and acquitted my brother, the reader Nicholas, who stood decorously and did not slyly spy on me, as Satan whispered in my heart, setting me on fire. Beware of malice and evil thoughts that come from the devil, and do not be angry with anyone, but love everyone, pray for everyone sincerely. Who paints us in black, stinking colors - pride, malice, envy, contempt, disobedience, rudeness, covetousness, stinginess, lies, deception, gluttony, drunkenness, the abominations of fornication, despondency, unbelief, blasphemy? - Devil. Who always denigrates our neighbors, painting them in the ugliest way? - Devil. Do not listen to him, knowing his lies, and pray for those who sin and fall under the tyranny of passions, as the Lord commanded you. The devil most incites us to enmity against colleagues, against comrades, presenting all their actions as low, wrong, crafty, malicious, selfish, and with these ideas, thoughts, he scorches, oppresses, torments us, fanning in the heart the flame of hatred, enmity, disgust towards the brethren, while from our own sins, from our spiritual ugliness, he in every possible way averts our gaze and does not allow us to notice that we sometimes we do worse than others, and we ourselves are no better than others and would have acted no better in their place. Let your loins be girded, that is, with the grace of the Holy Spirit, chastity, truth, goodness, mercy, self-control, and lamps, that is, souls, burning [Lk. 12, 35]. I am the door [Jn. 10, 9], says the Lord, - that’s why the Lord is written on the icons on the right side of the Royal Doors. Who is a great God like our God? You are the God who works miracles [Ps. 76, 14 – 15]. He performs these miracles in our Church, and not in the Lutheran, or English, or Catholic. The blessing that I teach is not mine, it is God’s; it was interceded with people through the suffering and death of the Son of God; This is why we are appointed to bless, to baptize, to anoint, to confess, to give communion, to serve church services during the day. God did not command us to look at faces [Deut. 16, 19; In. 7, 24]. What harm comes from vanity and vanity? For example, what if someone cares too much about appearance, often looks at himself in the mirror, loves elegance in clothes? – He often gets lost and embarrassed when he sees some kind of fault on himself, for example, if his hem is torn; he sometimes despises people who wear thin and holey clothes; he gets irritated and offended, angry with people who do not allow him to wear shiny, expensive clothes (if he is a priest, he is angry with the abbot for not giving him good vestments). Acquire the grace of God, which is everything for us: food, drink, clothing, air, or breath, and light, and warmth, and beauty, and glory, and strength, and every good thing. When I lift up the spare Gifts of the Body and Blood of the Lord for the guidance of the sick and dying, or when I take them out of the reliquary and put them in a cup and dissolve them with wine, I am horrified, reverent and say to myself: in this holy crumb of the Bread of the animal 61 invisibly and secretly is found all the splendor 62 of the Divine, cleansing, healing and reviving the faithful and generally creating great miracles of mercy upon us by faith and teaching these Holy Mysteries. I am amazed at the extreme love for mankind and the condescension of the Lord towards the human race. Old Catherine (the mother of the German captain), an Orthodox woman, blind and sick, after communion of the Holy Mysteries, which I taught her on the Sunday of Orthodoxy, completely came to life and became calm and cheerful, as her daughter-in-law told me. Glory to Your Holy, immortal, life-giving and terrible Mysteries, Lord! Do mercy on me, Lord, so that my heart will never be kindled with envy towards my brother, rich in silver, and may it not be partial to earthly things - for because of partiality, envy happens - but let it love the created man in the image and likeness and especially his verbal and immortal soul, and let him pray for his erring and sinning brother, and not be hostile to him. Where is our love for souls, for its great Divine properties - for its mind, free will, for the heart that contains God, for its immortality, for its creativity, for its great plans, inventions, deeds? It's all destroyed, we're all staring at wealth, for luxury, for a rich table, for rich clothes, for the rich furnishings of the rooms - and we are consumed by envy of each other, instead of loving each other. And it’s all due to lack of prudence, inattention to oneself, to one’s spiritual needs, to the words of the Gospel, addiction to visible things, carelessness about the invisible, but eternally abiding. Is it because of this rubbish - I mean wealth - that you hate your brother and wish him harm and torment yourself, for envy and ill-will are the source of torment, and you make yourself a murderer, for he who hates his brother is a murderer, according to the words of the holy Apostle John the Theologian [1 John. 3, 15]. Oh, how the addiction to earthly things has turned everything, turned it upside down: it has made the soul lower, worse than the body, earthly life - more valuable than heavenly, or - what am I saying? – The Kingdom of Heaven has placed future unspeakable blessings at nothing! And all the voluptuousness, the love of money, the passion for clothes, for richly decorated rooms, for various entertainments, games, for country life, for an idle life, the desire to show off people’s eyes! And the daily and hourly and every minute sting of Satan, the every minute poured out poison of earthly addictions, every minute madness - completely unnoticed by many, many! As if you were to dwell alone on earth [Isa. 5, 8], say to yourself when you hate and despise your brother in your heart, ready to wipe him off the face of the earth, and when you greedily fix your gaze on the wealth he has accumulated: don’t you want to have his wealth? Oh, malice, oh, addiction to the temporary! Oh, lack of trust in the Lord, alienation from the love of God, oh, pathetic neglect of future incorruptible blessings! What a peaceful and serene sleep there is after labors, for the glory of God and for the salvation of one’s neighbors, for example, after confession. This is a baby's sleep, quiet, without dreams, without fears. I thank You, Master Lord, for this gift of Your goodness, wisdom and omnipotence. Behold, by Thy mercy I have risen vigorous and healthy! I thank You for my chambers, in the coolness and breadth of which You repose me. Master Lord, forgive me my sin that I did not accept complacently and humbly, but with insult and grief and displeasure, the fair remark of the director to hurry to class when I was already on the way to it. The enemy incited me, and the enemy entered into me through my grief, and I could not overcome his wiles for two classes: how he gored and burned me with fiery butts. Most Holy Lady Theotokos, I thank You that You immediately heard my inner cry for mercy and intercession, when I, bound by sin, going to class, cried out to You in front of Your honest image of Your Kazan icon. Thank you, Quick to Hear! Don't leave me the rest of the time. Grant me, Lord, to always remember the great and close affinity with my neighbors, that we are of the same nature, the work of the same hands of God, equally created in the image of God, originated from the same flesh and blood, redeemed by one Master, in the same font we received rebirth 63 and a new life, we eat the same Lamb, we drink the same Blood poured out for the worldly belly, we all drink the same from of His flesh and of His bones [Eph. 5:30 ], all members of His body, all are rods of the one life-giving Vine, sheep of the one flock and Shepherd - and never allow me, Lord, and every person to be hostile to our neighbors and have any affinity through any sin with the alien, foul and disgusted and most evil spirit of the devil, inciting me and each of us to evil, envy, pride, condemnation, disobedience, fornication, gluttony and drunkenness, despondency, laziness, grumpiness and other sins. Let me sincerely and lovingly pray for those who sin and forgive them, and blame everything on our common enemy and accuser - the devil, who excites and inflates every sin in us. Let me remember in every sin of my neighbor and my sin the master of sin and immediately repent warmly of the sin I have committed and pray for my brother who is sinning. God! Let there be no place for sin in us forever. Amen. March 22nd, 1869. Morning. Saturday of the Third Week of Lent. Six and a half hours. I thank the Lord, who in His goodness solemnly saved me from the crampedness and sorrow of my spirit, when I internally persistently cried out to Him for salvation, believing with all my heart in His co-presence with me, in His hearing the cry of my heart and calling Him the breath of my lips. The cramped conditions and sorrow came from the fact that I was talking in Korablev and Siryanov’s bookstore about the inhumane act of the Spaniards with the icon of the Mother of God. I did not need to tell: I defiled my thought, heart and lips with this story of the vile deeds of men. What will happen to these Spaniards? They themselves will probably be shot, according to the law of God’s truth: everyone who takes the sword will die by the sword [Matt. 26, 52]. What a sweet Divine peace I felt in my soul after the former sorrow and oppression! This is what the invisible grace of God does in us as a result of our prayer! Glory to Thee, fountain of living waters, Lord! Here is your virtue, O priest: pray sincerely, fervently before the throne of God for all those and for everything for whom and for which the Holy Church inspires you to pray. The Lord receives the words of prayer from you like precious beads, 64 as the Church puts it. During worship, the enemy especially incites earthliness in us: then he incites us with a desire for shiny clothes, if the service takes place on a holiday, and, if they don’t give it, he incites us to enmity against the one who does not give, but how he sets it on fire! - outrages, darkens, oppresses because of this decay; at the sight of the strong, rich, learned people of this world, he tries to break off with false shame and fear, at the sight of the beautiful and elegant - with unclean and nasty thoughts and carnal movements, at the sight of the low, poor, ugly - with contempt. March 23. Sunday of the Fourth Week of Lent. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me, a great sinner, with His grace to perform without stumbling Matins and the early Divine Liturgy with a prayer service, who solemnly tore away the thorns of voluptuousness from my soul and body, who destroyed the machinations of the opponent and the slanderer, who gave me His freedom, peace and coolness, and a warm, sincere feeling and fervent prayer. Glory to the Lord about everything! While singing the Creed, I fervently prayed to the Lord to confirm all Orthodox Christians in this faith, to unite in it all the Christian Churches that have fallen away from the unity of the Holy Eastern Catholic Church and to proclaim this especially in the heart of the Roman Patriarch, or Pope, and in all the spiritual ranks subordinate to him; finally, to attract to this faith all idolatrous languages, all Jews and Mohammedans, so that they may leave their delusions and come to know the Trinitarian God and the One of Three - the Lord Jesus Christ, His redemptive incarnation, teaching, miracles, His redemptive life, saving suffering, death, burial and Resurrection, Ascension and His second terrible coming. The sincere prayer of a priest during the liturgy can do a lot. Ask, and it will be given to you... He who did not spare His Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also freely give us all things with Him? [Matt. 7, 7; Rome. 8, 32]. March 26. Wednesday. I thank Thee, Lord Jesus, for even this day Thou hast saved me twice from sins and the oppression of sin by my calling on Thee, my breath, my belly, my salvation - once in the classroom, and the other - when I was walking from the funeral service from Lower Broad Street. I suffered from the enemy for being angry during a prayer service against the watchman Nikolai, who put a lot of incense in a censer at a prayer service in Murashka’s house. According to earthly citizenship you have such and such responsibilities, but according to heavenly citizenship - others: according to earthly citizenship you have a well-known person as a king, a queen as his wife, and according to heavenly citizenship - God and the Lord Jesus Christ with the Holy Spirit and the Queen - the Most Holy Theotokos; there are ministers, and here are Cherubim, Seraphim, Thrones and other Heavenly Powers; there are princes, and here are the prophet and Forerunner and Baptist John and other prophets, apostles, hierarchs. Also imagine the opposition between spirit and flesh. To the players. Who is playing what? One in sweets, another in money, another in clothing, a fourth in furniture and room decoration, a fifth in cards, a sixth in something else, etc. And they all play with their souls. Why, it seems, shouldn’t you eat sweets? It's so nice for the flesh. But on the other hand, it is bitter for the soul: because of sweets, misfortunes and temptations befall it, in which it becomes irritable and evil. A person who loves voluptuousness is very proud, carnal, lascivious, and addicted to earthly things. And this is already a great evil for a person, a great loss for the soul. A sensualist is also a lover of money and a miser. Look how furious he is when many beggars ask him for alms - with what displeasure he throws his coppers at them! And in his soul, if you could see what prickly thorns are pierced by sweets: they butt him, and he is impatiently angry with everyone. These butts are from the devil, or this sting is the serpent’s. He who is prudent and strives for the goal of the heavenly calling, who is at war with sin and the ruler of the world, does not eat sweetly, or very rarely; generally eats little. Saturday of the Fourth Week of Lent. I thank the Lord, who strengthened me to celebrate the Divine Liturgy and give communion to the faithful four hundred people and deliver the sermon with ardent feeling. Glory to You! The Lord God feeds those who work for Him with great sorrows, hardships, abandonments, and tears for punishment for their sins and for their cleansing. If there were no great sorrows, His servants could have fallen into great sins: the passionate flesh and the devil would have inclined them to violate His holy, eternal laws. Therefore, sorrows must be accepted with gratitude. I will also say to myself: woe to the voluptuous person, especially the priest, for one has to pay for sweets with terrible sorrows, sorrows, and hardships! Father Matthew is more reasonable and calmer than me: he is calm in the face of unrest. And I indulge in anger and malice, for example, at the sexton, who sings and reads incorrectly. On March 29, Saturday of the Fourth Week of Lent at the All-Night Vigil, when I joined the queue, I was in terrible sorrow and cramped and powerless - because I got up early, worked hard, ate enough lunch, and did not taste the warm soup or tea, and ate cod overcooked in vegetable oil, and more so because of the change in weather. At this time the weather was clear, frosty, the wind was blowing from the north, and at night the southwest wind blew; the sky was covered with thick, damp clouds, and in the morning it began to snow. Let there be thanksgiving to the Lord for everything - for sorrows and for joy. Holy Trinity, You are my breath, my strength, my light, my joy. You keep me and deliver me from all sinful fornication. If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it [1 Cor. 12, 26]. There is one Church – triumphant and militant, and the members of the triumphant Church care for the militant Church, sympathize with it in suffering, and rejoice in joy and prosperity. Then be meek and gentle when you see rudeness, anger, disobedience on the part of your neighbors, for example, subordinates, and do not multiply evil with your irritability and malice. When you see a storm and a shipwreck, don’t sink it yet. Ah, all malice, rudeness, disobedience is the wreck and sinking of a mental ship, and the evil and rude one first of all suffers punishment from his malice and rudeness. You must either give up on him quickly, so as not to drown yourself, or, having left him behind, pray to God for him. That is why the Lord gave me over to fierce sorrow on Saturday because I did not satisfy the request of two beggars: I did not give thirty kopecks for a passport to one, although I could, and to the other - for a caftan (for a boy), and wished that the father of the archpriest would receive a dirty trick of the flesh, an angel of Satan, as punishment for the riots. Forgive me, Lord, for my anger and haste, for You Yourself weigh everything - You know who to bring to reason. And grant me kindness of heart and generosity of mercy. March 30. I thank the Lord, who gave me a tender and tearful [prayer] with a sincere, vivid feeling of the countless multitude of my sins and extreme mental and physical weakness without His help and grace. (The canon for communion is evening and morning.) Lord, Love for Mankind, I thank You, for even this day You have surprised Your power and Your great grace on me, a sinner, having, through my prayer, taken away the embarrassment and malice of the devil against the sexton who served me for his malice against his mother-in-law, and You have granted me, without stumbling, loudly, to utter the entire great litany and prayer: Save, O God, Thy people. I thank You, Most Holy Theotokos, Quick to Hear, My Intercessor, for You quickly heard me calling out to You before the proclamation of the great litany, and You granted me peace and courage and steadfastness. What lesson should I learn from my former embarrassment and anger? I must remember my great infirmities, my passions, my malice, and pride, and my fornication, and corruption - and not treat malice with malice, but with grace, meekness and humility and goodwill. Why add new evil to evil? Remember the common plague, common weakness and be extremely lenient towards those who sin. We should not respond to the rudeness, malice and disobedience of those serving with us with malice and rage, but, like a wise doctor, with meekness, affection, love and heartfelt admonition. Do not give food and space to evil with evil, like fire, like a spontaneously combustible substance, but extinguish it at the beginning with the water of meekness and gentleness. I thank You, Most merciful Lord, for the peace and coolness in my insides, given to me by Your Holy Spirit, for my assiduous prayer throughout the day (March 31st), for a peaceful and serene sleep, for the health of my soul and body. Confirm, O God, this which you have done in me. (April 1. Tuesday of the Fifth Week of Lent. Morning.) We, like roosters, hover over each other in our pride, repaying evil for evil, repaying annoyance for annoyance. Someone treats us disrespectfully - and we repay him in kind, and although someone else, perhaps, has nothing against us in his heart and only has an unseemly manner, as if disrespectful, as it seems to us - but we despise and hate him from the bottom of our hearts. O evil seed! O spawn of vipers! Are these lambs, are these sheep of the verbal flock of Christ! Are these children of God! Where is Christianity? Is it just in the name? Where is the new creature? Where is the circumcision of the heart? He taught the blessing carelessly and irreverently, not heartily, especially to the poor; not with due reverence, sometimes he casually read prayers during services. Smart (Church Slavic) – spiritual, gifted with reason. Satisfied (Church Slavic) – satisfied, given strength, made capable. Greater than the harlot, the more wicked, the cloud of tears did not bring You; but in silent prayer I fall to Thee, kissed with love by Thy Most Pure Ones, for forgiveness for me, as the Lord has given me debts, I call upon Thee, Savior: deliver me from my bad deeds. (Kontakion of Great Wednesday, tone 4.) Animal (church glory) – belonging to life, giving life. Velelepota (church glory) – greatness, splendor. Rebirth (Church Slavic) – here: baptism. Beads (Church Slavic) – pearls, pearls. You might be interested in: