Сентябрь 1868–1869 г.

September 25. Morning. Five o'clock. I thank You, long-suffering and gracious Lord, for through my prayer you saved us from great evil, when I went to bed and could not sleep peacefully because of the serpent nesting in my heart. I thank You, for You granted me to implore Your immeasurable goodness about my anger, about my madness, and did not allow me to fall into the ditch of despair. From now on, Lord, grant that I will never be embittered against anyone and despise all pleasures: for for their sake my many-passionate flesh is raging, but to love everyone’s neighbor as oneself, to the point of self-denial and the hunger of self-denial, like food and drink. Carnal passions very flatteringly and temptingly captivate us, for example, voluptuousness, love of money, ambition, delicious food and drinks, silver and gold, golden crosses, orders, ribbons - all this appears in such a rainbow color, smells of earthly paradise. But the servant of God sees grief, and sweets, and gold, and changes silver into dust and ashes, and despises corruptible glory, acquiring from God imperishable glory in heaven and imperishable and endless sweetness. September 27, 1869. We sinned against the Lord by eating a lot and greedily of barley porridge with milk and meat at dinner and burdening ourselves. How long will I be a slave of the womb? Is the cross honest for us according to the gold or according to the Crucified One? - According to the Crucified One. So, gold is vain - the cross, or the tree of the cross, is life-giving. The body is alive, but the heart is rotten. The body is beautiful, but the heart is arrogant. The body is strong, but the soul is powerless. Internally or externally, a sick person can be very suspicious, gloomy, angry and irritable. I experienced this myself. Yes, I do not condemn irritable people, but I pity and forgive them. Always abound in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord [1 Cor. 15, 58]. This especially needs to be said about the work of prayer. Standing in prayer every day and beginning to grow cold towards it, remember the words of the Apostle and be comforted by them and be excited to earnest prayer, knowing that the work of prayer will not remain without reward from the Lord, for He, according to the words of the same Apostle, rewards those who seek Him [Heb. 11, 6]. Pray for others as fervently as for yourself, like Moses, Samuel, Daniel, Elijah, Elisha, the divine Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, the divine Paul the Apostle, Peter, John and others; like the great Basil of Caesarea, Chrysostom, Gregory the Theologian, Sergius the God-bearing, Demetrius - the Russian Chrysostom, St. Tikhon - the newly enlightened wonderworker 10. Strive in prayer for the militant Church, so that the Lord, mighty in battle, will strengthen you too, and strengthen His Church 11, teaching her hand to fight and her fingers to fight [Ps. 143, 1], through the prayers of His Most Pure Mother, the glorious saints, the Apostle and all the saints. In active passion (when passion is active in a person), one must distinguish, firstly, from the person himself and, secondly, from an extraneous evil force that acts with violence in him and scourges him mercilessly, and pity such a person, and pray to God for him, may he deliver him from the violence of fierce passion. My unceasing benefactor, the breath, the holy light of my soul, Lord, I thank You, I glorify You for Your unceasing mercies towards me, the indecent one, as You save me from my sins, from these scorpions, constantly gnawing, and You give me life again so often. Tolerate the untruths of the abbot, love him for Christ’s sake and expect righteous judgment for him and for yourself from above - and be more attentive to yourself as much as possible. It also happens that we ourselves cause illness of the insides through intemperance, and in this illness and because of it we are very suspicious, gloomy in spirit, and to us all the people, or some of those around us, seem to be enemies, although they are not enemies at all, but we are our own first enemies. You have to be happy with everyone and everything. Give me, Lord, the grace and strength not to be overcome by any evil on the part of my neighbors, for example, when they oppose me, insult me, eat me, slander me, deprive me of my good name, material property, envy me, hate me. For only then will I be a proven Christian when I love my enemies and do good to them and will not be in the least offended by any opposition. But as long as I am upset and offended by everything in the slightest degree disgusting to me, until then I am not yet a true Christian, but a slave of passions - a pagan. Grant me, Lord, the grace not to be seduced by any sweets, beauties or perishable treasures, by any magnificent clothes, or chambers, or vessels, or things in general - otherwise I am not yet a true Christian, but I have only one image, a form of piety, but I have rejected its power [2 Tim. 3, 5], also a pagan. The nations of this world are looking for all of them [Lk. 12, 30]. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Holy Light, enlighten me. Direct my steps according to Thy word, and let not all iniquity possess me [Ps. 118, 133]. October 27th day, 1868. Resurrection. I have betrayed You, my lover, Lord, by loving the corruptible, vain glory of man, the brilliant earthly reward, although it reminds us of Your free crucifixion for us. What can I love besides You? Who is in my heaven? and with You I want nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart faint: God is the rock of my heart and my portion forever [Ps. 72, 25 – 26 ], for You are the only life, peace, light, strength, freedom of my heart. The wise children did not serve the golden body 12. What about us? We serve the golden body, although sometimes under the guise of even a pectoral cross. Tobacco growers smolder their bodies and souls with tobacco. Oh, sinful aphids! We don't have enough of you yet, or what? How many stifled passions and skills! God! My quick-to-hear, my helper and my Savior and my joy! I thank you, for twice in the morning (September 24) you saved me from the leaven of sin, even as the enemy began to pour into my heart: first, in Sidelnikov’s house during a prayer service, from the leaven of prodigality; the second - at home, from the ferment of anger towards sister Anna and the maid Ekaterina. I thank You for the peace and freedom of spirit that You bestowed on the 14th after the cleansing of the passionate, stifled leaven. I thank You, for through my prayer you have pacified me and all my household. Glory to You, present everywhere and fulfilling everything, our Creator, our Provider and Savior. Behold, thus, O Lord, order the souls of all people, especially Your inheritance, acquired by Your blood, throughout all the borders of the earth, from the east of the sun to the west. May Your all-saving name be glorified by all tongues, may all earthly beings, from the least to the greatest, both the rich and the poor, know it. Avoid hostile conflicts with your neighbors over any things: this is done by the devil, who does not tolerate the peace of his brethren. Pray more diligently to God for your sinning brother, and do not report him to the higher authorities, although he may denounce you. Denunciation is a matter of anger and envy, not love. Remember the words of the Apostle that the wisdom that comes from above is first pure, then peaceful, modest, obedient, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and unfeigned [Jas. 3, 17]. So, peacefully and meekly present your requests and intentions to your boss, and if he disagrees, do not be irritable and disobedient. Obedience is more than 15 in total. In every possible way one must lower oneself, and not elevate oneself, and not seek differences in order to become higher than one’s brethren; tame yourself in every possible way, and not get irritated; to be chaste, and not to wander lustfully with your eyes and thoughts; deny yourself rather than please yourself; reject self-interest and love alms given in simplicity of heart; reject delicacies and love simple, low-fat and non-frugal food; reject ostentation and multitude, have simplicity and few clothes; to simplify ourselves in everything and strive for a mountain dwelling, for here we are wanderers and guests. I have an animal greed for food and drink, shameful in a Christian and a priest, who should despise earthly goods and be indifferent to them, and consider his food to be the fulfillment of the will of God, the spiritual food of the Flesh and Blood of the Lord and the word of God and prayer with God-mindedness. Because of greed and satiety, the incorporeal enemy constantly annoys me. The dominance of the flesh in modern people: all the time is given to the flesh, to its vain service: eating, drinking, smoking, idle talk, walking, entertainment, gambling and theatrical play, dancing, self-interest, covetousness, achieving vain honors and distinctions - and this is not only in the laity, but also in the clergy. Oh, the terrible dominion of the multi-passionate flesh! Where is the human soul with its heavenly purpose, with its image and likeness of God, where are the spiritual needs and aspirations and virtues? They are suppressed by the flesh, by carnal passions. They are overwhelmed by the pleasures of life and do not produce fruit [Lk. 8, 14]. Blessed are those who mourn [Matt. 5, 4]. How can we not cry when we have distorted the image of God in ourselves, lost the likeness of God, lost the kingdom, were expelled from paradise, doomed to death, live in sins instead of succeeding in holiness, live in anger instead of love, in pride instead of humility, in anger instead of meekness and gentleness, etc. Between the disasters of sin and that is, the sinner places his guilt on others or considers himself holy: the unclean in heart considers others unclean and thinks that they are the cause of his uncleanness; the vile is sometimes ready to consider himself a saint; the evil one considers others to be evil and the cause of his anger; envious and proud - too; the gourmet considers these very delicacies to be the reason for his delicacy; the nasty, the crafty and the blasphemous imagines that the most sacred thing is not alien to filth. Oh, the misfortune of sin, oh, terrible flattery! Pay strict attention to food: it causes many spiritual troubles. Eat less savory food; do not eat any beef, as little fish as possible; educate your spirit with all zeal for the heavenly, incorruptible, spiritual Kingdom. For a lover it is easy to serve his beloved, but for one who does not love it is difficult; For this everything is easy, for this everything is hard; Just as for the former the lightness is love, so for the latter the heaviness is enmity and hatred. Apostles, hierarchs, martyrs, saints, out of love for Christ and people, endured incredible difficulties and disasters. Those who are preparing for the inheritance of the incorruptible Kingdom should not pursue perishable blessings and even the perishable kingdom, lest they be deprived of the incorruptible and, having enjoyed the temporary, be given over to eternal torment. What are you jealous of, envious person? The multitude of clothes, fabrics, silver and gold, the magnificent home, the rich furniture that your neighbor has? But don’t you yourself have food, clothing, shelter? And if you have it, what else do you need? Why are you jealous? Why this addiction to the temporary, the fleeting? Why is this selfishness, this selfishness? Why hatred? Why all this madness? What do you have of your own that you would not accept from God? [ 1 Cor. 4, 7]. Will you take perishable goods with you into your future life? There are people, including me, who the more they caress them, the more they break down, get angry, envy, and pout. This happens especially with those who lend something to many others, for example their relatives or friends; there is no love in such people, for those who love joyfully sacrifice all property to their loved ones, even their peace of mind, health, their external well-being and their lives. Addiction to perishable goods is often the cause of envy and hatred of one’s neighbor, and thus one grave sin entails other grave sins. Meanwhile, the whole law consists in loving your neighbor as yourself [Matt. 22, 39; Mk. 12, 31]. How disastrous and insane is the addiction to earthly things! What is the Savior for? In order to save when passions, troubles and hardships attack us: just call with all your heart - and you will be saved, just repent. We must look at the end of all the things we love and regret, and then we will not feel sorry for them and cling to them and be at enmity with our brother because of them; Yes, we need to look more often at the end of our body - at its rotting, worms, dust. Otherwise, we almost never look at the end of things, but only at their present - and that’s why we are seduced. The eternity of the soul must be remembered and the eternity of its bliss or torment. The all-damned enemy knows that it is impossible to love God and earthly things together, so he tries in every possible way to chain all people to the earth, to earthly goods or things, and achieves his goal: we, indeed, love earthly things, but not God; we love the flesh, but not God; We love the flesh and various earthly things, but not our neighbor. Imagine that half of your estate was destroyed by fire (that which was given as dowry), and submit to the will of God, saying: The Lord gave, the Lord has taken away; as the Lord pleased, so it was done; Blessed be the name of the Lord! [Job. 1, 21]. Imagine that everything on earth will perish like that. Let us live in peace and love and let us regard all earthly things as nothing. For to those who live in peace and love, everything will be supplied from the Lord: they will not lack in everyday, material needs. We must fear enmity and envy like fire. With them, both wealth and contentment in everything are one torment. Sin constantly rapes us, or the boss and teacher of sin is the devil, constantly stings, torments us with self-interest, malice, envy, pride, greed. We are worthy of great regret and tears, and we ourselves must cry about our sins, about our fierce and inhealable passions - and forgive each other’s sins, so that our Heavenly Father will forgive us our sins [Matt. 6, 14 – 15]. We must despise and hate not each other, but ourselves, our many-passionate flesh, our malice, pride, envy, greed, selfishness, passion for earthly things and coldness for heavenly things, in general our sinfulness and terrible inclination to sin, and pray for everyone most warmly, so that the Lord will deliver everyone from the delights of sin. Oh, what a terrible disease sin is! Oh, all-destroying and dark sin! And some still consider us as ascetics! What ascetics we are! - Are ascetics pleasing themselves, the sin that lives in us! Before someone leaves on a journey, for example mine, or before the departure of my relatives, relatives, acquaintances, the ethereal enemy tries in every possible way to make us angry at our neighbors, at our family, to create a quarrel. And how much stubbornness and willfulness we have to do it our way or as intended; if not, then there’s trouble: we go berserk, we rage at those who displease us, at those who are late. And when they take and carry away or take away our goods, not entirely according to our will, but partly against our will, how we are torn in our hearts and become angry, saying then: at least take everything that I have! Oh, every man is a lie [Ps. 115, 2]: his heart is deceitful, darkened by passions, and so is his mind; You don’t have to trust yourself, please your heart, your will, but crucify them, despise them, reject them, and in opposition to yourself, set the goal of life. A lover of the body, a lover of property, food, and drink cannot be a lover and shepherd of human souls, and on occasion he will show his negligence and his ignorance in shepherding the souls entrusted to him by God, and will only show his art of collecting property from these souls and pleasing his belly. The mind is packed tightly, and the heart is empty and cold, the will is powerless. - Memorizing without heart, without desire, is harmful. It is necessary to form the mind, the heart, and the will at once. The Church is God's paradise, earthly heaven: there is the throne of God, there are the priests and deacons of God, there are Angels concelebrating and praising, there is the heavenly rite of worship (antiphons, angelic hymns); there the Body and Blood of Christ is sacred; there all mysteries are performed; There, divine services are performed continuously throughout the year and the word of God is read; there are the eyes and heart of the Lord; at home - every sin and every earthly vanity. I deign to sneak into the house of my God rather than live in the villages of sinners [Ps. 83, 11]. First of all, grant me, Lord, to renounce sweets, gluttony and greed: You alone know how much I suffered because of these sweets, for the sake of cleansing from them, during worship and lessons in the gymnasium. Until now, I lived like a pagan and worse: I feasted, was satiated, was covetous, envious, proud, angry, sought the reward of honor, having my will as an idol, I wanted to be like a god for my household, so that my desires would be fulfilled unquestioningly. From now on, Lord, grant me to live as the high and heavenly title of a Christian requires: to philosophize on what is above, to despise what is below, to regard sweets as nothing, to despise earthly splendor, to live in love and peace with everyone, if possible; to have concern for human souls, for their salvation, to show them the vanity of earthly blessings, to seek heavenly treasures, to be merciful and compassionate, to preserve souls and bodies in purity, to walk in meekness and gentleness, to have zeal for church and worship, to honor shepherds and provide those necessary for life, to support the lower clergy with material offerings - in general, to please God in every possible way, the chief of life, the Provider and the Savior (avoid communication with schismatics). How our nature is corrupted by sin: because of every thread, rag, penny, unsmooth word, because of an empty thing, not to mention a valuable and expensive one, we are ready to seethe with anger at our neighbor, quarrel, scold, envy. Oh, how corrupt our nature is! Oh, how passionate we are for the earth, for the flesh! How indifferent they are to the soul, to the sky - their true, abiding 17, unshakable Fatherland! Smoking tobacco relaxes, pampers and lulls the spirit and body, strengthens attachment to the earthly - whereas there is already an abyss of things that chain us to the earth; turns the gaze away from heaven, turns away from prayer, makes one insensitive to the poverty and misfortune of one’s neighbor, binds the heart and freedom. God! By Your life-giving hand, keep me even hitherto in existence and prosperity, and having forsaken my many and cruel sins, I thank, glorify and extol Your power, Your goodness and generosity, as if You were not completely angry with me and You did not destroy me with my iniquities; I thank You for having enlightened me, revived me, sanctified me, given me peace and joy, driven away cramps and sorrows, cleansed me of sins, helped me in my affairs and made me prosperous. God! I thank You for Your great mercy and power, shown to me this evening (October 30) through my prayer, as You took away from my heart the anger that had taken root in me towards my sister and extinguished the hellish fire that was raging in my insides, took away the darkness, sorrow, crampedness, despondency, powerlessness, shame and dishonor of my face. I kiss Your victorious and saving right hand, gloriously glorified in me. I thank You for the most beloved peace, for spiritual freedom, for cleansing, sanctification, enlightenment, boldness, strength. How cramped and painful I felt and how spacious and healthy my soul felt. You cannot eat more than what nature accepts, and neither can your brother, and therefore be at peace regarding him. Redeem the time 18, for the days are evil [Eph. 5, 16 ]; the enemy steals from us day after day, teaches us to spend time in vanity: all our days are vanity. He gave up... God of tobacco smokers to a depraved mind - to do lewd things [Rom. 1, 28]: they hardly eat or drink, but only smoke incessantly - what kind of new food, drink, what kind of new breathing element instead of the clean and subtle air poured out by God for our breathing? According to the teaching of the enemy, the Law of God is extremely cramped in secular educational institutions and is taught sluggishly. That's why there are half-educated liberals. The devil fights against all the forces of the soul - mind, heart and will: he constantly brings darkness and darkness to the mind; in the heart - passions: pride, perseverance, malice, envy, greed, voluptuousness; to freedom - powerlessness for all that is good, aversion from Christian deeds, impetuosity towards sinful deeds. The devil brought his darkness over all people - this smoking tobacco, which has become a passion for many. Christian meekness consists in not being irritated and not embittered by those who are at enmity with us, who persecute us, who harm us, who deprive us of our property, who viciously contradict us, who sin against us, who do their work incorrectly, in general, when something happens that is contrary to our desires, remembering that we ourselves are the first opponents of God and He always works with us according to His meekness and does not abandon mercy Yours from us. All the more should we be meek and gentle when someone defends the truth against us, exposes us in sin, in faults, in unreasonableness, in the untimeliness of any matter, or even when someone unjustly hinders us in something, stops us. Remember David and all his meekness, how kindly he was against Saul, who repeatedly attempted to kill him innocently. Remember the meek and humble-hearted Lord Jesus Christ, the Leader of our holy and saving faith, how He endured with meekness and gentleness reproach, reproach, blasphemy, beating, spitting, strangulation, the cross and death for the sake of our salvation, showing us an example of how to endure all adversities, how to deal with our enemies and persecutors, how to behave in our home life. Do you think that with this stream of tobacco smoke your incorporeal enemy, who usually enters it through all sorts of excess and lies in word and deed, and who is thinner than this stream, enters your heart? Isn’t it lurking in you, smokers, for the time being, for example, even until you intend to quit smoking tobacco, until prayer at home or in public, until the time of communion of the Holy Mysteries, etc., when it affects you from the inside and begins to induce melancholy, sickness or weakness, spiritual and physical, so that at least things get out of hand. I knew people on whom the demon brought such sickness, such melancholy before communion, forcing them to smoke, that they could barely stand until communion - and after communion, of course, they soon smoked it greedily again. Many wanted to give up smoking tobacco - and could not control their intention. Isn't this shameful slavery? Shouldn't we be free from all attachments? Are we called to please the flesh in lust [Rom. 13, 14 ]? Should we not crucify the flesh with its passions and lusts [Gal. 5, 24 ]? Our heart is like an embankment or a dam, and worries about food, drink, clothing, wealth, or gluttony itself, passion for clothing, love of money and all lusts are like a rushing stream that is intensifying to wash away this dam. The stronger and safer the dam is, the fewer of these worries, the less attachment to earthly things, and the stronger the heart stands in God and in virtue - in faith, hope, boldness, love. The Savior of the world says that people are overwhelmed by the pleasures of life and do not produce fruit [Lk. 8, 14]. The rivers overflowed, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and he fell [Matt. 7, 27]. You are temples of the Holy Spirit [1 Cor. 3, 16; 6, 19]: with what do you fill your church, not made with hands, consecrated? Does it smell like tobacco? Is it the smoke of a lit cigarette and cigar? You would not drive away the Comforter Spirit from yourself, as one drives away bees from a hive with smoke. Smoking tobacco, both at the beginning, and in application to the matter, and in the motivation, and the goal, and in its consequences, is a lie, because it is an empty whim. If the lips and all the clothes become scalded and are filled with the stench of tobacco, is not the soul of the smoker also scalded by it? Doesn't it make her rougher, more earthly? Lord, the Provider, I thank You, for You accidentally sent me the gift of Your mercy - two silver rubles (for the repose of Martha). Love your own to the end, and not only for a time: having loved your own who are in the world, you loved them to the end [Jn. 13, 1]. Remember what countless gifts the Lord has given us in time and eternity - tuna, by His sole mercy, and do not spare anything, no fabrics, no matter how good and precious they are, for your newlyweds, remembering that nothing in the world is truly yours, but everything of God, that with what measure you measure, it will be measured to you [Matt. 7:2], that all fabrics are perishable and are the delusion 20 and the lust of the eyes, that the robe of a Christian is Christ, or the imperishable spiritual virtues: heavenly wisdom, meekness, gentleness, goodness, holiness, mercy, self-control, patience, obedience, courage, boldness, joy in the Holy Spirit, kindness to one another. Go against yourself, against your evil inclinations and do not believe the evil impulses of your heart, but restrain and destroy them in every possible way. I thank You, Most Holy Lady, Quick to Hear, for You soon heard my inner voice - the voice of my heart in the cramped enmity of the enemy, infused into it, raised to You in the dining room, when the widow Koshelev was sitting opposite me, and You soon saved me from this enmity against my household and You brought heavenly peace into my heart. Thank you, thank you, all-merciful Lady, my merciful and zealous Intercessor! Save everyone from domestic enmity and save the Church of God from mutual enmity (Catholicism and Catholicism). What storms there are sometimes in the soul - severe storms of demonic malice, envy, pride, storms of prodigal, drunkenness, voluptuousness, storms of perseverance or stubbornness and rebellion, storms of despondency, cowardice, murmuring, storms of love of money and covetousness! Fight, Christian man, against these storms, against these ethereal enemies, so that you may be a warrior of Christ, and may the hero of the hero Christ crown you. You and I are destined for exploits in this life. Everyone who strives will abstain from everyone else, so that he may receive an incorruptible crown [1 Cor. 9, 25]. If you are not seduced by elegant and expensive clothes and are content with simple, cheap, even coarse, but decent clothes, then you are being wise in heaven; if delicacies do not deceive you and you despise the belly, giving it only what it needs, then you are wise on high, together with Elijah, Moses, Ananias, Azariah, Misail and Daniel, together with the Forerunner, the apostles, hierarchs, ascetics or hermits, who despised the belly, because of which the all-destructive sin entered the world and is now rampant and which is Christ our Lord tamed him with a forty-day fast, giving us an example of how to defeat him. Again, I thank You, Most Holy Lady Theotokos, for Your quick protection, intercession and pardon, when I, sitting at the table and drinking tea, cried out to You with a heartfelt cry to deliver me from the violence of vain anger against my sister. I thank You, Master of Much Mercifulness, for You had mercy on me and protected me from malice when I called out to You. But save me, Master, always and do not let me become rigid in this soul-destroying delusion. Truly: the poor in spirit remains in unceasing prayer, because he feels in himself a constant lack of strength, weakness for good and inclination, attraction to evil, because he feels in himself the greatest emptiness without God, darkness, sorrow; He cannot be without God for a moment, while those who are not poor in spirit think of living by themselves and do not remember God for a long time and do not call on Him, but the poor in spirit have an unceasing prayer to God for mercy, an unceasing memory of God and of their sins, and of the truth of God, and of His judgment, and of the failure to pay their debts, of their omissions in fulfilling God’s commandments and their duties. The Gospel lying on the throne reminds us that God the Word was on earth in the flesh, preached, performed miracles, bequeathed to us mutual love, unity, patience, humility and trust in God, suffered for us and died a shameful death, rose on the third day, appeared after the resurrection and ascended to heaven on the fortieth day, from where He commanded us to await His second and terrible coming to earth - to be judged alive and dead. Remember this as you look at the Gospel lying on the throne. The cross lying on the throne reminds us of the same thing, especially the Lord’s testament to love and endure one another [Jn. 13, 34]. If ever, then especially now grant me to remember Your words: beware of covetousness, for a person’s life does not depend on the abundance of his possessions [Lk. 12, 15 ], and not to regret my property taken as a dowry, although I remained in poverty; may I be uncovetous, according to Your Gospel word: Take with you neither gold, nor silver, nor copper for your belts, nor scrip for the road, nor two coats of clothing... for the worker is worthy of food [Matt. 10, 9–10]. The Lady is always with us, in the same house with us: where we are, there She is, if we live piously, and She reveals Her presence to us in pardoning us, protecting and interceding from enemies visible and invisible, in saving us from sins and the dominion of passions. Live with the fear of God in your homes, Christians, and refrain from all sinful deeds - from anger, envy, condemnation, idle talk, foul language, enmity and quarrels, from all empty, fruitless deeds. But if the Lady is always with us, much more so is the Lord, who is everywhere and fulfills everything: for His sake the Lady is with us, and we are with Him and with Her. Why does the Lord raise me up from my bed every day? To practice 21 and glorify His power, do His will, sing to Him in heartfelt confession and sing praises in heartfelt confession. Remember this and every Christian - and do not live fruitlessly, in the vanity of life. Listen: the enemy has a habit of ruining the whole thing at the end if he didn’t have time at the beginning and in the middle; bring every task to completion with patience. The thorns of passions have grown in me and suppress me everywhere - in church, in the classroom, and at home, especially the thorns of gluttony, greed, addiction to earthly things in general: because of these addictions to earthly things, my love for my neighbor and for the Lord Himself has dried up, and I am outraged in spirit when my neighbors and even relatives remain in my apartment against my desire for several more days while waiting for the train time or when they are given, beyond my desire, things bought with my money, or the money itself; Moreover, I am kindled with the hellish flames of hatred towards them. God! Have mercy on me! Enlighten the mental eyes of my heart; cleanse and save me. Truly, this exposes the great evil of my heart. Truly, the disembodied enemy operates in me, and I am his doer (worker). Sometimes people drive us out of an apartment that is determined to be given to them, and we condemn them for rushing to impatiently use it. But now I myself am also ready to drive my newlyweds so that they go home as quickly as possible. But let it be not my will, but God's. Food is the only one I want to move into my apartment 22, is it the only one I want to eat and sleep? How much do I need? - A real nonentity. Why do I fuss, take offense, quarrel, pout? - Because of trifles. The enemy darkens and seduces, worries and torments with ghosts. Right. Amen. Rest in God, my soul! Have you not received everything from God? Aren't you filled with the gifts of God? Why are you sad when you don’t give the gifts of God to your neighbors? Or are you afraid of poverty? But until now have you endured poverty? Wasn’t everything in abundance despite the various expenses? Oh, how little a person needs and how unreasonable it is to worry about the body while despising the needs of the soul! Isn’t God faithful, who promised to give everything to those who love God with all their hearts and their neighbor as themselves [Matt. 6, 33] ? I thank You, Lord, for the good change brought about by You, Your Divine omnipotent grace, in my damned soul through my tearful prayer as a result of the spiritual troubles that befell me because of my attachment to the world and the enmity that arose from that with my family, who, against my will, had to stay with me for another week before leaving for distant Chisinau. I thank You that You placed my heart towards them in love and granted me the sweetness and love of talking with my brother, the most venerable Brother Gregory, about spiritual subjects in the evening from November 1st to 2nd. Glory to Your all-effective grace. Prayer pronounced with the lips and only from the mind, and not from the heart, is not complete and true prayer, but incomplete and false, for man is truly in the heart. Smoking tobacco is unnatural and harmful because it is produced by the lungs and falls on the lungs and partly on the stomach; and for the lungs, which are made of such a delicate substance, tobacco smoke is very coarse and cannot be their food at all. If indoor air is sometimes heavy for us and we strive to breathe in outdoor air and become more alert and stronger when we walk in the fresh air, then isn’t tobacco smoke twenty times heavier? Moreover, we like the real feeling of smoking tobacco - but what are the consequences of smoking the next day? Aren't they similar to the feelings of a drunkard after yesterday's binge? And, in order to drown out unpleasant sensations, shouldn’t a smoker do the same as a drunkard - that is, get high again, like a drunkard gets drunk, in order to drown out the unpleasant sensation? That's how it happens. For someone who smokes heavily, the lungs are unpleasantly irritated, and the lungs cause irritation in the nervous system: the smoker’s sleep is weak and restless, like that of a drunkard. Amazing things! Such a harmful custom, such an unreasonable habit is maintained among people, and educated ones at that. Has not God given them over to a depraved mind—to do lewd things [Rom. 1, 28 ]? Is a tobacco smoker ready to deny himself cigarettes or cigars in order to help the poor buy bread, clothes or rent an apartment? - No way. Is he ready to immediately get up for prayer in the morning? - How is it possible? He takes up a cigarette (as if for some kind of breathing essence) - and prayer, the element of a Christian? God will provide: he provides it to others. Do you see, brethren, how an apparently empty habit casts a fog over you, so that you cannot pray to God, but the first thing you do is turn to your stupid habit? Our soul in the Bible is called the breath of life [Gen. 2, 7] - because she lives and breathes the ever-living God; How and with what does your soul breathe if it does not talk with God, if it does not think about God morning and evening and noon? But... she breathes tobacco, she breathes tobacco - because in the morning the first thought, the first desire for tobacco, the first desire of the will for tobacco! Isn’t this absurd, isn’t it humiliating for the rational and immortal and free nature of the spirit, which has so slavishly submitted to a stupid habit? Isn’t the grace of the Divine Spirit smoked out of the soul through tobacco, isn’t the Spirit of God driven out of the soul, just as bees are driven away by smoke? It is left to everyone who is addicted to tobacco to judge this. But this alone should serve as an incentive to banish smoking tobacco, because in our nature there is not the slightest reason for this: it is contrary to common sense; and ancient humanity did not know this opium. The dominion of the flesh over the spirit, worthy of tears, strikes the soul in its best aspirations, as it were, with apoplexy and paralysis, like drunkenness. They say that humanity in its progress has reached this useful invention - tobacco. What's the progress? There is spiritual and carnal progress, true and false. In carnal, false progress, it actually came to the invention of tobacco as an empty and harmful pleasure, which is supported by the fact that it irritates, tickles and excites the flesh and the soul closely connected with it, is harmful to health and pocket, keeps the free soul in bondage to habits, bringing on it fog and spiritual paroxysm (defeat). Turn away such progress from us, God, forever, forever, because they delay the true progress of humanity forward - towards the heavenly world. The flesh has its own amazing progress: in the preparation of food, fashionable dresses, in arranging various games, for example, squealing 23, preference and the like. Let whoever wants to succeed in these hustle and bustle. But a Christian must reach out before 24 [Phil. 3, 13–14] – in abstinence, fasting, purity, prayer, contemplation of God, meekness, humility, kindness, obedience, patience and other virtues. Does he want to smoke? He goes to the church and there he finds fragrant and healthy incense or smokes it at home, but not with his mouth, without swallowing (without parodying breathing). But this incense is sacrificed to the name of the Lord, and not to carnal lust. How subtle is the breath of the soul and how coarse is the breath of tobacco! Anna Konstantinovna - I now know - is a wonderful girl, kind, helpful, obedient. Save her, Lord! Glory to You, Lord, a simple Being, simply hearing, listening, teaching our souls. Look at yourself, what you do, and judge yourself diligently, but do not stare at the sins of others and do not be hostile for them: God is the judge of all, and everyone will bear his own burden [Gal. 6.5 ]; enmity is the greatest sin. You are at enmity for your negligence in praying among your own people - who told you to be at enmity? We must feel sorry for them, reprove them with love and meekness, and not hate them. Others are remiss in prayer, stand carelessly, do not want to cross themselves, yawn, rub their faces - don’t look: continue your prayer work with firmness and indifference and do not let the enemy laugh at your impatience and irritability. Teach yourself: you can’t teach everyone to live and act like you: people are free. Maintain kindness, humility and patience. The leader and teacher of malice is the devil: which of my neighbors will I be indignant and angry with? I won’t be angry with anyone, but I’ll be angry with the devil. Lord, let me defeat and trample the demon of the womb and enmity. Every day you can show self-sacrifice for the sake of Christ and for the sake of love for your neighbor and crucify your pride, selfishness, lust, pride, anger and irritability, willingly and with meekness giving generous alms to the poor, pitying them and treating them kindly, despite your flesh, which is ready to despise them, get angry and irritated, not give anything, but attract everything to yourself. Always cordiality and hospitality towards one's neighbor, as a fellow member and as the image of God, simple-heartedness and sincerity in dealing with him should be integral attributes of every true Christian. What prevents cordiality and hospitality, simplicity and sincerity? – Addiction to food and drink and to money, since the neighbor who comes to us has natural needs and, according to accepted custom, we must treat him; In order to avoid cooling and aversion to one’s neighbor for the sake of these things, one must accustom one’s heart to place everything corporeal, earthly, and perishable at nothing, and to place infinitely high, as it should, on the rational and immortal soul, created in the image and likeness of God, and never to despise one’s neighbors because of perishable things. Illnesses are serious, but useful for the soul: they humble, cleanse, and strengthen it. Who has not noticed that before illness the soul was in sinful relaxation, proud, prodigal, and after the suffering caused by illness, it became humble, chaste, strong, began to willingly pray, read the word of God, engage in the thought of God and find pleasure in all this, whereas before it had turned away from this saving work and was occupied only with vain concerns. So, let us thank the Lord for illnesses, misfortunes and sorrows, losses that turn us to God and make us wise. Excessive pleasures (smoking, sweets) and games (cards, etc.) little by little make our soul coarse, earthly, far from God and from His Kingdom. That is why there are many people of little faith, non-believers, and nihilists. And what better to expect when they don’t go to church, don’t pray, don’t read the Gospels, don’t think about their posthumous fate. We must try in every possible way so that even for a single moment there is not in our heart the passion of anger towards our neighbor because of any reason, for example, because of injustice or his mistake in relation to us or something else; we must instantly suppress passions in ourselves by prayerfully turning our hearts to God, so that He will have mercy and admonish our debtor. Malice never improves matters; on the contrary, it can lead to greater disorder; and the main trouble is that the law of Divine love is destroyed by malice, peace of mind is disturbed, the mind is darkened, the soul is bound, captured by the enemy. And this is an enormous evil, for which we must suffer forever, for we offend the ever-living God, who infinitely hates evil, for He is infinite love. Our soul becomes coarse and becomes weak from meats eaten in abundance, and in general from any excess, for example in drinking, smoking tobacco, etc. Fearing this rudeness and spiritual impotence, not only true Christians, but even the best of the pagans ate little food or even forgot about food, busy with some important matter of great interest to the soul. Do we, Christians, have nothing to delve into, nothing to think about, to reflect on? And death? What about the resurrection and the Last Judgment that follows? And the final decision of our fate at this Judgment for all eternity? Excess in food and drink, and smoking are accompanied by diseases in the body, for example, pain in the legs and in the head, in the teeth and so on. Nature itself punishes those who insult and rape it with excesses. Don’t complain, don’t blaspheme, if you experience severe illness, blame yourself. You have angered beings [Lk. 11, 13]. Narrow is the way and strait is the gate that enters into the belly [Matt. 7, 14], because the enemy is constantly treacherous over the ascetics of truth, with cruelty inciting and dragging them to those sins or passions from which they are trying to arm themselves, to be free, and constantly bores (chills) them with his attractions, incitements and wounds, or brings on them despondency, unaccountable melancholy. God! I thank Thee, for through my prayer I wonderfully, quickly, powerfully, wisely destroyed the machinations of the enemy over me, and reconciled those at war, and inspired those saddened by enmity, as if the enmity of those at war had passed over them and they would see the clear face of their former enemies and haters. You are displeased by those who ask you for alms every day and follow you on your heels - but this is why you are called, as a Christian, to endure them and with good will to give them alms, rejecting your own will, whose character is self-love. It is unpleasant for you that this and that and the third are being done against your will, although you made comments to those who acted unfairly. But that’s why you’re a Christian, to generously tolerate opposition. I thank You, Lord, for by the great miracle of Your power and mercy You saved me from a severe illness that happened to me on November 3rd, on Sunday, from a severe cold, when I was all sick, sick, reproached and humiliated, when my head ached severely, and my whole body was in an extremely painful and relaxed state, and my soul was in some kind of numbness. I had barely served Matins and the Liturgy: during Matins I often became exhausted and lost heart to the point that I could not utter exclamations and prayers; during the liturgy - too, out of embarrassment and fear and self-doubt. After Matins, I groaned greatly and cried before the throne about my mental and physical weakness; After that, he performed two prayers cheerfully, and without stumbling, and easily. After mass, he served two prayer services with difficulty. Didn't have lunch at home. Went to bed; I had little appetite. We thought about inviting a doctor, but that’s how it worked out. The feet were rubbed with vodka and alcohol; after a long sleep and a weak stomach, everything finally went away. Reason: the day before my stomach was a little clogged; walked in bad boots and galoshes for a long time along the panel; drank a lot of tea; for excess in food and drink he was punished - rightly so. Extreme moderation is necessary! Do not place the cause of temptations and stumblings of the heart and words in anyone else, but in yourself, for example, in your intemperance, in the weakness of your spirit and body, and most importantly - in the malice of the devil: he constantly tries to internally arm us against our neighbors and fill our hearts with bitterness, malice and contempt. Oh, how great and constant are his deceits! Why is religious feeling gradually lost? From the habit of constantly turning only to everyday things and concerns, from not going to church, from not thinking about one’s purpose, from laziness towards prayer and the like. If a teacher or student does not prepare for class, memorize and repeat their lesson, then one will not teach anything as it should, and the other will not learn, and their science will fly out of their heads. So it is with the Christian faith. Don’t practice it, don’t justify it in practice - and it will evaporate from your head and heart. We need to create and teach. Oh, tobacco! Oh, cards! Oh, theaters! Oh, delicious lunches and evenings! Oh fashion! Oh, magnificent apartments! How much you harm the spirit of faith! I thank my Lord, together with His Most Pure Mother, who saved me from the sin of wickedness, which raped my soul on November 5th after lunch at three o’clock in dealing with my brother-in-law Grigory I. Tsvetkov. I fell on my knees before the image of the Tikhvin Queen of Heaven, which was in the hallway, and immediately received relief and freedom from wickedness. It’s terrible how yesterday’s voluptuousness and satiety (a roll with currant jam and strong broth with a roll and brains) damaged me; How weak and troubled I was in spirit today (November 6) during Matins. He stumbled over his words and mentally laid the blame on the archpriest’s father (early mass). If the Lord had mercy on me a day ago and cleansed my soul and body through illness, then I should have learned not to be gluttonous and not to be satiated, but to observe extreme caution in food and drink. I have sinned against the Lord. I'm greedy! Why is it easy to pray together with some people, but very difficult with others? Each person has his own spiritual atmosphere surrounding him, which comes into contact with the atmosphere of our spirit and either makes it lighter and more pleasant if the person is conformed to us in the spirit of piety, or aggravates it and our spirit if the person is not conformed to the spirit of piety. However, we need to carefully and impartially look at the atmosphere of our soul and cleanse it, and not lay the blame on others, like Adam and Eve. A heart that cares about everyday things, especially unnecessary ones, leaves the Lord, the Source of life and peace, and therefore is deprived of life and tranquility, light and strength, and when it repents of vain care and from corruptible things again turns to the Imperishable God with all its heart, then the source of living water begins to flow in it again, silence and tranquility, light and strength and boldness before God and people are established again. We must live wisely! It is a virtue for a priest if, during his service, he tries in every possible way to maintain a peaceful and calm disposition of spirit. We should not believe any suggestions of the disembodied enemy when he arms us against our neighbors with various suspiciousness, but stand firmly on the rock of Christ. Do not believe this evil illness and confusion of the heart when beggars pursue you, asking for alms: it hurts then with pride and love of money, but it does not hurt about these poor people and is ready to hurt them in every possible way so that they only lag behind and do not go around asking for alms. Show Christian love with selflessness for the sake of Christ, for us, for the sake of the impoverished, and for the sake of everyone. It means a lot not to pay attention to the changeable and superficial opinion of people about oneself and to work in one’s heart for the one God. Golden moderation in food and drink, how desirable are you! Because of you today I am completely at peace in spirit and body; and he is at peace because he completed Matins and the Divine Liturgy successfully, and the class (sixth) also conducted it successfully. Teach me, most merciful Lord, golden abstinence. Because of intemperance, I have no peace either at home, or in church, or in the classroom. For the future, go to the service immediately when called, and do not put off correcting it until the evening or until another day, so that another of the brethren, already enriched with income, does not take away your service and your righteous share. Today I saw a man who was surrounded by beggars, who gave them alms for a few kopecks and shouted at some in great excitement and rage, and tore some by the hair. True, there were many beggars, and everyone asked for different needs: one asked for lodging and bread, another for rent, a third for a shirt, a fourth for pants, a fifth for a caftan; but with all that, why did he have to rage at the defenseless, pitiful poor people and even offend them by touching them with his hands? Did they attack him? If this person himself was hungry or cold and shared the last piece with them or gave away the last clothing, then even then he should not, in a Christian way, be angry with them, but should willingly give, for the sake of Christ, the last piece or the penultimate clothing, if not the last; otherwise this man was well-fed, and warmly dressed, and had magnificent and spacious chambers - and with all this, he was very angry at the beggars and even pinched his hair, as if they were taking his life or offending him in some way. What gross pride, I thought, in this man, what blindness! How crazy he was about the work of God, what kind of alms; how badly he treated the poor, who were people like him and children of God, for whom he would have been rewarded a hundredfold from the Lord! I thank the Lord, who had mercy on me, like David, after David’s prayer of repentance, which I brought into my heart. He will not contradict nor cry out [Matt. 12:19], it is said about the Meek One, and I cry out at the poor in the evenings, in the dark, I rage at them, I pull them by the hair! Why? Because I, satiated and warmly dressed, do not want to take on the small task of giving, as far as possible, alms to the naked and hungry and homeless, when I should rejoice at the opportunity to show or show Christian charity every day and deny myself for the sake of having exhausted all of Himself for us. I cannot, or, more correctly, I do not want to endure the sting of Satan, which, like sharp and burning butts, incites me to grudge money and to be angry with the lesser brethren of Christ; I obey the original murderer, who through me wants to hurt and sadden my poor brothers. What if I killed any of them in the spirit of rage by pushing someone hard, from which God forbid! And I definitely sometimes breathe murder, according to the work of the devil, against the poor, in order to destroy them and not see them. Oh, God forbid! It is better to give everything and lose everything, but save your soul and your neighbor. The Lord has granted us, mortal, humble and sinners, such blessings that we could not even think about and which can sometimes only be seen in a dream - because in a dream we see ourselves in the Royal Palace talking with the King and sitting with Him at a meal, or we receive Him at home and talk with Him. And now we stand before His throne in reality, we talk with Him face to face - just as if someone were talking with his friend; At His meal we eat not ordinary earthly dishes, but His own, heavenly, most pure and life-giving Body and Divine Blood; Let us praise Him with the Angels in one wonderful, heavenly cathedral; we are elevated to an unspeakable height of greatness and honor - for through the communion of the Divine Body and Blood we are deified and seated in heaven, and the Angels themselves - these most holy spirits filled with indescribable light - look [at] us with reverence, and from among them many have been made by the Lord guardians and trustees of our weakness. Glory to Your immeasurable mercy, Lord! But teach us, confirm us to live worthy of our great calling - the calling of Christian, so that we live as future heavenly citizens, wise in heaven, not earthly [Col. 3:2], so that we may have heavenly morals, be meek, humble, kind, self-controlled, chaste, holy, obedient, good-natured, patient; so that each of us is diligent in fulfilling such important duties of a Christian and subordinates all everyday duties to them, and not the duty of a Christian to everyday duties; eradicate from our communities all stifling passions and customs - theaters, card games, inappropriate feasts, drunkenness, insane smoking of tobacco, which knows no measure, burning the body, and the soul, and money, etc. You don’t want to pray for the person you hate and despise - but that’s why you pray because you don’t want to, that’s why you resort to a doctor, because you yourself are spiritually sick, sick with anger and pride, your enemy or the one you despise is also sick; pray that the kindly Lord will teach you kindness and patience, that He will teach and strengthen you to love your enemies, and not well-wishers only, that He will teach you to sincerely pray for ill-wishers as well as for well-wishers. Someone during prayer, when he became sluggish and relaxed in spirit and body and he wanted to doze off, aroused himself with the following internal question: Who are you talking to, my soul? - and, after this vividly imagining the Lord before him, he began to pray with great effort and with tears; his dull attention was sharpened, his mind and heart were enlightened, and he was completely revived. This is what it means to vividly imagine the Lord God before you and walk in His presence. If, he said further, my soul, you do not dare to rant sluggishly and carelessly with people above you, so as not to offend them, then how dare you rant sluggishly and carelessly with the Lord? Is it possible to give the Creator more to His creation than He gave to man? He made him a god. Man is God, and he will make Adam God 25. Could ingratitude be more vile than human ingratitude, for man forgets God and turns his back to Him, fearlessly violates all His commandments, does not think about his destiny, perverts God’s order, rejects God’s advice about himself! What is the Church? – The house of God, the community of God’s children, God’s elect, redeemed from the earth by the blood of the Lamb of God. Church, by the way, means that in your soul you belong to heaven, and not to earth, for the Church is the earthly heaven, and that you are an earthly wanderer, with thoughts and deeds you travel to the mountainous city of the Heavenly King Jerusalem and in the Church you find for yourself guides, teachers, or enlighteners, and those who strengthen the exhausted and bring them heavenly food, and if someone falls and stains himself with spiritual impurities, then they cleanse him, extracting tears of repentance from his eyes with a word and instilling in him caution for the future, because it is not always convenient to wash away mental impurities or heal spiritual illnesses, that is, sins. How many shortcomings and passions I have! How much in the impulses of an evil, passionate heart I do, or was ready to do, things that you later bitterly repent of, calling yourself a madman and a scoundrel. Every man is a lie [Ps. 115, 2], says the psalmist, “we each experience this personally. After this, how can I act according to the desire, according to the attraction, according to the passion of my heart, the most evil, proud, contemptuous, proud, grumbling, envious, misanthropic, stingy, greedy, voluptuous, selfish, rebellious, wayward, impatient, murmuring, prodigal, nasty, blasphemous, cowardly and sad, desperate? How can I condemn any of my neighbors for any sins, when I myself combine in my heart the entire horde of passions and surpass the one I condemn by many of them and, to top off the evil, I look at my sins through a diminishing glass, and at my brothers’ sins through a magnifying glass, at my own with condescension and indulgence, and at my brothers’ with malice and without any condescension? You are always well-fed, warmly and decently dressed, you have a beautiful, quiet apartment - and the beggars whom you see every day asking you for alms, what do they have? - Nothing. They are hungry and have no money to buy food; they are naked or half-naked and have no money to buy the necessary clothing; they have no corner of their own and must beg from others for a few kopecks for a place to stay for the night. You return from service to a warm and clean corner, to a hearty and tasty table, to a soft bed - and what does a beggar return to after begging, after he has perhaps waited for you at your house for several hours? Therefore, be compassionate towards the poor - so that you may earn mercy from the Lord at His Judgment. Where is the place for patience and the reward for patience if God does not allow our ill-wishers to rob us, persecute us, slander us, slander us, and slander us? This is where you show meekness, kindness, and patience, so that in the next century you will be rewarded for your patience. A person who is angry with someone looks at his enemy through the false glasses of his irritated pride, and therefore the enemy appears to him in the darkest form - angry, proud, envious, and so on. This state is painful, false. If someone persecutes you unjustly, reviles you, slanderes you in writing or in words - do not take revenge on him, but cry before him. The Lord about your offense, about your brother’s unrighteousness, and the Lord will soon comfort you. Commit your grievances to the Lord, who judges righteously. Sin is a captivating evil force that constantly attacks; Oppose this evil force with the power of God, the power of grace, prayer, meekness, kindness, patience, humility; if you don’t have these virtues, ask God for them through the prayer of faith; If you don’t know how to pray, ask for the gift of prayer. If you do not feel a heartfelt disposition towards your friends or strangers and feel stubborn coldness towards them - ah, then fall before God and cry before Him about your coldness and insensibility, for this is a disease of the soul, the action of an evil force, hidden hatred or envy of our neighbor, and according to Christian law we must love each other passionately and diligently forgive and forget the insults that occur due to our weakness and natural malice and the instigation of an evil spirit. Love is generous, but pride and self-interest are stingy: thus, a lover, gathering his loved ones for a long journey, will prepare for them plenty, with an abundance of all kinds of food, all kinds of clothing, but a proud and voluptuous person gives little of everything, is stingy and is furious when more is given against his desire, for he is internally consumed by envy at the sight of the varied and generous provision, and he would like most of what had been prepared was given to him. Self-esteem is shameful and humiliating; it fills the soul with longing, shame, and sorrow. How delightful it is to deny yourself for the good of your neighbor and forget yourself! What peace in the soul, what freedom, what space! Where is our mountain wisdom, remembrance of the mountainous fatherland, where is the indifference to the earthly, rough, temporary? Where is the love for one's neighbor, not remembering oneself just to please him? There is nothing of this: our hearts have become earthly, petrified, nailed to earthly goods and turned away from heavenly things - and we want more, to collect more earthly goods or to eat them, in order to petrify our hearts even more and cling to the earth and lose heaven. What manifested itself, what passion, in my extreme embarrassment and vehemence with my father, the archpriest? “My extreme self-love and pride, which cannot tolerate reproof, and anger and envy of the archpriest, and impatience. I had to meekly and calmly notice to the rector his injustice in the fact that he wrote down my not at all intentional error in the income book; confess my guilt that I did not apologize to him for the mistake I made and did not thank him for performing the marriage in my place. I thank You, Lord my God, for You have created peace between the archpriest and me. Establish Your peace in our hearts. I thank You, my benefactor, for You heard my prayer in the apartment of Captain Andrei Al. Petrov, before the memorial service for his little son Pavel, and in my fear, timidity, and disappearance of heart, he stood up for me and from heaven sent down the strength to pronounce litanies and exclamations at the memorial service. I thank You, for You took away from my house, after coming from the removal, the illness, sorrow and crampedness that befell me for my voluptuousness in the evening. Raise your children as God and the Guardian Angel and the Angels of the children instruct you; Read to them the lives of the saints more often, and use the formal, lifeless reading of a lesson that they can learn from a book less often; ask prayers more often; In general, revive the reading of the Law of God and do not neglect the work of God, do not profane 26 it; Let your word be revealed in spirit and in power [1 Cor. 2, 4]. If the authorities of the gymnasium began to tell you: why are you evading the subject, then tell them: what would happen to your students if you began to feed them the same food every day - wouldn’t they all soon get tired of it? To do this, you diversify the table so that they eat with pleasure and for their own health. Likewise, I need to diversify my reading so that they don’t get bored with the same subject. So, when I notice that they [begin to] get bored reading the same thing, I change the subject and read something else - very edifying, told in a pleasant, simple way. What a great danger our love for God and neighbor is exposed to because of our addiction to earthly goods, such as money, sweets, clothing, and so on. Sometimes one extra piece of sweets taken by a brother instills coldness and contempt for him in our hearts, not to mention extra money and a significant amount of sweets and things given to someone without our consent or taken furtively, which we learned about after some time; sometimes love and goodwill towards such people change into hostility towards them, because we feel sorry not for our neighbors, who, perhaps, really need them, but for the things themselves - how many troubles, enmity, disagreements sometimes arise because of them! But a true Christian should not at all regret anything and consider all earthly things as rubbish and decay and keep in his heart unchanging love for God and neighbor, rejoicing in his soul that we could serve the Lord by fulfilling His commandment: give, and it will be given to you: good measure, shaken down, pressed down and running over, will be poured into your bosom; For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you [Lk. 6, 38]. Love your neighbor as yourself [Matt. 19, 19, etc.]. How do we love ourselves? And so, if someone gives you a gift of earthly goods, not just a little, but a lot, you rejoice at that, and even less than that, you rejoice. Observe the same in relation to your neighbor. If you give to him generously, do not grieve, do not envy him, do not feel sorry, but rejoice, as you rejoice when you are generously rewarded, given, treated. Otherwise we are so proud, angry, envious, stingy, and greedy that we would take possession of everything ourselves and leave nothing to others. (Ενρηκα 27.) How do you try to please those people who do not want to please God (for example, during worship)! Lord Jesus, depict Yourself in me according to the riches of Your bounties, as You depicted Yourself in man from the beginning, creating him in Your image and likeness: depict Yourself in me, as the sun is depicted in a drop of water; depict in me Your holiness, Your love, meekness, Your kindness, Your obedience, Your patience and long-suffering, Your fasting, non-covetousness - may I become like You, the Prototype, may I always remember my duty to constantly approach the Prototype. God! You know the passions with which I am obsessed, you know their strength, and my weakness, you see how they have taken root and branched out in me. Cast them out Yourself, physician of our souls and bodies, shepherd and visitor of souls lepers, wounded, weakened, and killed by sin. You are our hope and strength, we trust in You, let us not be ashamed forever. Word, deed, thought - an image of trinity. You need to pronounce these words well - in church when saying goodbye to those who are to come. Godlessness, insolence against God of some priests. If natural, but excessive love makes us unworthy of the Lord, then what can we say about unclean, carnal love or about the heart’s addiction to earthly things, for example, to sweets, to gold and silver and precious stones, to rich clothes, to games, to the theater? How they make us opponents of God, how they defile the essence of our soul, created in the image and likeness of God - for through addiction to earthly impurities and coarse sweets and things, it falls into adultery and turns away from its Creator. Some, at the sight of the poor, become even stingier than they were: look, they say, pointing to the poor, to what extent carelessness in life can lead - to poverty; no, we shouldn’t give it to him, but it’s better to save a penny for a rainy day. -Where is faith here? Isn’t the Lord able to reward almsgiving? A spiritual fisher is accustomed to catching people on well-known things, faces, and actions. When I serve, officiate, perform the Mysteries, or preach, I represent the organ of the Universal Church. You do not know the thoughts and disposition of other people - therefore do not think evil about them, for this evil, through the slander of the enemy, denigrates and destroys only you; Meanwhile, it often happens that your neighbors, about whom you think badly, have good thoughts and heartfelt dispositions. Delicacy and satiety, pleasing and nurturing the flesh, only increase its passion - pride, malice, envy, stinginess, covetousness, absent-mindedness, despondency, cowardice, timidity, fear. Blessed is the one who recognized this connection between delicacy and satiety with the aforementioned sins and began to exhaust his body with abstinence, fasting, vigil, and prayer. God does not need burning candles, but burning hearts; So, let your hearts burn, let your hearts blaze when you stand in church during the performance of divine services, especially the liturgy, let them blaze with love and thanksgiving to the Lord. I have come to bring down fire on the earth [Lk. 12:49], says the Lord, that is, spiritual fire, the fire of zeal for the glory of God, for the salvation of souls. Take away coldness, insensibility, spiritual laziness, foolishness, and darkness. The Church is an earthly heaven: stand in the church as if in heaven, and not on earth, standing as if with Angels, and not with people covered with flesh; cast off all earthly thoughts and cares, all sin. Remember that you stand before the all-holy God, that He is your Prototype, and you are living images; Be in every possible way like the Prototype in spirit, purity, love, wisdom. If carnal lust plays in you and draws you to sin, then immediately get on your knees and with all your heart try to read the psalm: Have mercy on me, O God... The all-evil serpent has given me the desire to equalize the Creator, 28 and now the desire to equalize the bishop, the archpriest, the sovereign and the persons of the royal house puts into me. Enemy nonsense. Who am I? I am a worm, I am a reproach. A Christian must diligently fulfill his calling: a merchant, a warrior, an artisan justify their calling. The Master, the Judge, the Knower of the Heart teaches us, but we all think, feel and live in our own way, and not according to His will; an evil heart and an evil habit have been acquired. How many lessons have been given to us from the Lord for admonition and correction, clear, firm lessons, but until now we have not learned to live according to His commandments. But many who are first will be last, and those who are last will be first [Matt. 19, 30; Mk. 10, 31]. Many will be first and last, although these first in this world often do not even think that they will be last. Of course, among the first there are those who will be first there too, but how many of them are there? How many are there who use their high rank, their strength, their talents, their wealth for the benefit of their brethren, laying down their life for their friends [John. 15, 13], and serve their neighbors all their lives, as the Savior commanded and set an example? Who will I envy? I have been given so much infinitely from the Lord: He gave Himself to me, and with Him everything: the whole sky, endless life, eternal bliss. Who and what will I envy? I am rich in my Lord. Not only do I have life 29, but I have wealth in the Lord. Grant me, Lord, to love You in Your members, in the body of Your Church. It is good to be worthy early to call on the Lord and glorify Him in His church. And the air in the church is holy. The souls of saints are the purest gold, but ours are unclean cast iron. Turn your angry gaze to flattering and pleasant sin when it, creeping into your insides, tickles it, butts it with its butts that are pleasant to the flesh, but deadly to the soul; tell him: go away, strangled fox, treacherously seeking to kill me; away, the carnal, temporary sweetness of sin, depriving me of grace, and the mercy of God, and the Divine peace, and spiritual freedom, and the light of Christ. My soul, meditate on the heavenly, eternal, incorruptible Kingdom; walk the way of the cross, crucifying the flesh with passions and lusts; It is better to suffer here than to suffer there; leave behind sweet foods and drinks, beautiful clothes, luxurious decoration of the apartment, which make the soul a slave of perishable things and unfaithful to God, arousing in it various passions and lusts: lust for prodigal lust, the passion of the love of money, vanity and others. You have no patience and have not learned to control yourself - you get irritated and lose your temper when something happens that is contrary to your desires. Be patient and even in character. I'm a slacker: five hours have passed since I got out of bed: what did I do in such a considerable period of time? He just prayed to God, then he ate, got drunk, and thereby drove away the grace of God from himself and, through drinking a lot of tea, made himself incapable of mental activity, for he immersed, oppressed and darkened his soul. How long will I not eat and drink in number, measure and weight? How long will I forget? How long to idle? How long will I leave food and drink in the morning as unnecessary? How long will I not live with reason, in good deeds, abstinence, vigil, contemplation of God, prayer, in diligent reading of the word of God and the writings of the holy fathers? Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk was canonized in 1861; his memory is August 13/26. Vynu (Church Glav.) - always. That is, the golden idol (irmos of the 7th song of the canon from the Follow-up to Holy Communion). Yuzhe (Church Slav.) – which. Yazhe (Church Glorious) - which. Pache (Church Slavic) – here: above. Brashno (Church Glav.) – food, food. Abiding (Church Glav.) – from “abide” - to last forever. Cherish time (church glory). To become dirty (Church Glav.) – to become defiled, to be soiled with mud or manure. Prelest (church glory) – deception, seduction. Vo otrenevati (Church Glorious) - get up early; perform morning prayer. Wed: food, settle alone on the earth (Russian: as if you were alone on the earth) (Is. 5:8). Squealer is a gambling card game. In the foreground (Church Slav.) - forward, into the future. Stichera for the praise of the Feast of the Annunciation. Theotokos, voice 1st. To profane - to distort or vulgarize with ignorance, rudeness. Eureka (Greek) – “Found!” That is, the desire to “compare” (become equal) to God. (Canon to St. Nicholas of Myra, hymn 1, troparion for Glory, and now.) Belly (church glory) – life, being. You might be interested in: