Сентябрь 1869 г.

September 2. Early mass in the Assumption Church from A. Murashev. I thank the Lord, who has given me the grace to celebrate the Divine Liturgy with feeling and to partake of the Divine Mysteries without condemnation. On September 3, a prayer service was served at the pilot's newly established brigade at ten and a half hours before noon. There were two captains of the first rank and several officers and pilots. Some words of the litany and in prayer seemed inappropriate to me, I doubted, was ashamed and was afraid to utter them - and for this God disgraced my face: I felt sorrow and oppression in my heart and shame. It takes courage and faith. Then he fell to the face of the Lord and asked him heartily for forgiveness and peace. I received it and was at peace. September 4th. At night there was an unclean dream, due to the action of the enemy. Why didn’t it happen before, and God preserved it, but this night happened? Because I myself gave access to the enemy by having a light meal on a fast day - Wednesday. Out of feeling weak and thin, I ate scrambled eggs and juice from roast meat. At night I was covered warmly. I am guilty before God of many things. Recently, in a sermon, I said that some break fasts and eat modest foods for health reasons, but I myself did the same - and became like ringing brass [1 Cor. 13, 1]. It is better to be unhealthy than to drown in fornication. It is better for the body to suffer than for the soul to be desecrated. I sinned against the Lord: I was angry with Grigory Ivanovich and Anna Konstantinovna for coming up to me during my church history classes to thank me for the writing table. Oh, anger, oh, envy, oh, ill will! Oh, pride, oh, pride! O voluptuousness! Oh, effeminacy! Oh, how hard sweets are for the heart! How deadly is their foot! Blessed is he who despises earthly delights! But I, a great sinner, have not yet learned to despise them! Cigarettes and cigars cause fires. Anyone who is addicted to the shine of gold and silver is not worthy to see the uncreated light of the Holy Trinity and God's holy angels and men, for his heart is idolatrous and worships the golden calf or the golden idol of Nebuchadnezzar 140. The priest wears a phelonion like wings, depicting his angelic service and his heavenly aspiration and putting aside all worldly cares. To raise me to heaven - the descent from heaven of the Son of God, the incarnation, baptism, teaching, miracles, prophecies, suffering, death, resurrection, ascension to heaven, the descent of the Holy Spirit on the apostles, and I am all earthly, I am still carried away by earthly attachments, passions and neglect of things above. On September 4th, Thursday, he became angry with a student in class for laughing in class and angrily reprimanded him, depriving him of God’s blessing until the time of repentance. I had to bear it with meekness and leave the despised one in contempt. You must sit in class with students face to face and not hide your face. Force them to write notes. Prepare and ask questions and thereby develop students and expand their knowledge. Is that what you want, for everything to go like the flow of a river? But this happens to people who work in the world. God's servants constantly go against the current, against the pressure of passions. September 5th. I thank my Lord Jesus Christ, my quick-to-obey Savior, who saved me several times today in the gymnasium from the abominations planted in my heart by unclean and vile, sweet and poisonous spirits of evil! He looked to the Lord by faith - and was saved and was at peace. Glory to Thee, unashamed trust of those who trust in You! Lord love for mankind! Stop Your scourge, Your saw, Your sword, stop, O Most Merciful One, from striking Your verbal creatures - Your servant Priest Lawrence and Your servant Alexander; ease them, that they may rest 141 [Ps. 38, 14 ]; words to their tormentors: it is enough. September 5th, 1869. Man was once created with light and lived in the light of the face of God. Having lost this light through sin and fallen into the darkness of passions, a person, however, strives for light, only, unfortunately, not always for the true, but more for the illusory, temporary, for example, he wants to live a bright life or loves the shine of gold, silver, precious stones; he catches, so to speak, every sparkle on earth and admires it, only - alas! – this is not the light that he had at the beginning. The enemy has perverted the soul’s desire for light and, instead of the true, eternal light, which is Jesus Christ, turns our eyes and hearts to temporary light, to a disappearing brilliance, blinds us with the brilliance of gold and silver, shiny insignia; just as, instead of raising his gaze from the beauty of creation to the Creator, man fixes it on the creatures and cleaves to them with his prodigal heart and flesh, merges with the creation, whereas he should be united with the one Creator. Sin has wrapped itself around my ribs - take sin away from my ribs and wrap Your truth around my ribs. Our ribs are covered with passions like scales, strewn with demons. September 13th, 1869. I pushed many away from me with my pride, arrogance, anger, and envy. Previously, my sister and brother prayed with me in the evening at night, but now they stopped, seeing my anger. I am a damned man: who will deliver me from this body of death? [Rom. 7, 24]. The most sinful, the most damned, the most intolerable. Amen. Why do our bodies smolder? Because they contain the seed of aphids - sin. Why do the incorruptible relics of saints rest? Because the saints escaped sin and with it corruption. They are vessels of holiness and temples of the Holy Spirit; The more sins there are, the more disgusting and terrible the corruption. Suicide from drunkenness (place in the conversation - about the harm from drunkenness), from not attending church and worship, from laziness to pray to God - how a person morally weakens and falls into passions, how easily the devil takes possession of people who do not resort to God with prayer. September 7, 1869. Resurrection. He served early mass. At first there was an evil hiccup, after the commemoration of the departed it passed, and then the Lord gave grace to [serve] the liturgy with much strength and boldness; the royal house spoke everyone by name; communed with the ineffable bounties of God without condemnation, into the world of spiritual powers. He performed the prayer service after early mass without stumbling, with feeling. Glory to the grace of God, which has mercy and strengthens me. After mass, I went to see the sick Lieutenant Colonel Ivan Dmitrievich Goremykin and his mother Varvara Nikolaevna, who had been burned a few weeks ago. Conversation about the freethinking that exists in St. Petersburg: how they asked for a ball before the Annunciation and for dancing and insolence in relation to the icon of the Annunciation, punished by the blindness of the freethinker: “For this Lady, you don’t want to go to the ball,” standing up on a chair and pointing his finger at the image, the freethinker said in audacity; he will soon be blinded. The wife is a freethinker: two children from her husband, her lover, hatred of her husband; a proposal for a duel between her husband and her lover, her words: “If he kills you, I will marry him, if you kill him, I will kill myself”; there was no duel. I was poisoned with chloroform at night. The lover heard and shot himself. His mother, whose only son he had, died of fright; whoever gave the gun died of fear. About an atheist - a young priest: after mass they invited him to drink tea; drinks but does not eat; they ask for a snack - he doesn’t eat, he says that he’s full, he’s full... let me not utter his crazy speeches... Lord! Forgive us for our frivolity and insolence! Let me always pour in a little wine and take out a little Lamb. Where are our people being corrupted? - At parties, in clubs, in theaters. Why are the people corrupted? – He doesn’t go to church, doesn’t read the Gospel, doesn’t listen to sermons, doesn’t fast, doesn’t go to confession or communion, or pretends to, for show. Some people eat and drink before communion. How is every metal purified from impurities, from dirt, and how is it transformed into various beautiful things? - By fire. How is the human soul cleansed from the admixture of sin and transformed into a new person? - The fire of sorrows and temptations. I thank You, Lord my God, who never ceases to save me who repents and kneels before You, who takes away the evil dispositions of my heart. How strong is our passion for earthly things and how strong is our pride, malice and envy! How deceitful is our flesh! He constantly hungers for more, to eat and drink better and more, to dress more beautifully, to decorate his home more beautifully, to fornicate more - in a word, to cleave more closely to the earth, to offend the Lord more, to be more cruel towards his neighbor. Sin, the flesh, has its own development, its own progress, and when the flesh and carnal aspirations develop, then the spirit falls and spiritual aspirations are suppressed. We must develop love through acts of mercy and all the virtues, such as: humility, meekness, non-covetousness, kindness, abstinence, purity, patience, hope. Carnal development is concentrated in the womb, for almost all material activity relates to it. Therefore, there is an urgent need to humble the belly daily with abstinence and fasting. I thank the Lord, who saved me from cramped conditions and aching hearts from stinging sweets for my brother. I prayed to the face of God and was saved. Whomever the Lord sends will come, whoever He does not send will not come: do not be indignant at any random expenses for visiting strangers or your own people. Nothing is ours - everything is God’s and received from Him. It is not suddenly that a person becomes a violator of God’s commandments, it is not that a person suddenly becomes a thief, an adulterer, an atheist, a murderer, and others by the very act of doing so, but in advance the secret of lawlessness takes place in his thoughts and in his heart; every day, hour, sin almost ceaselessly acts in us and renews its attempts to attract us to itself by thought, desire, word or deed; a person rises and falls, falls and rises internally. For example, he despises his neighbor in his thoughts, in his heart, then he despises him with his gaze, with an angry, cold, careless manner, then with his word, and finally often begins to persecute him with his deed. Almost constantly, one or another secret of lawlessness is at work in each of us, for the enemy does not sleep. Therefore, in order to counteract inward sin, one must constantly abstain, stay awake, be sober, think about God, pray, read the Holy Scriptures, and sing sacred songs. We should especially be afraid of gluttony and satiety, for through them a person’s heart becomes deeply coarsened, becomes earthly, self-loving, selfish, evil, adulterous, impatient and irritable. A glutton loses faith and hope in God: if a guest or relatives come to him to eat and drink, he is constantly tormented by their regret for food and drink and the fear of becoming scarce in earthly needs, forgetting that God never left anything necessary for life and even superfluous, and that, perhaps, just today he received from God a generous gift of His mercy. The heart of a glutton, as well as a lover of money, constantly yearns and is restless - and rightly so, for it serves an insane idol - belly, food and drink, and soulless money, leaving the service of the living God, the giver of all good things and the unceasing, vigilant guardian for us and for all creatures, the source of life, peace, light, freedom, strength, joy. You must constantly listen to your heart and notice what it thinks about, what it desires, what it hurts about, what it loves, what it fears, what constitutes its deity. This deity is, for most of us, matter, or temporary material goods, especially food, drink, clothing, money, buildings, books, theater, entertainment. Is it tuna, do we give alms to the poor for nothing?.. No: for it we ourselves will forever be pardoned and inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. Is this reward not enough? Doesn't it infinitely exceed alms? Shouldn't it always be given willingly and with joy and from the last? O all-wise King Christ, glory to Thy mercy! For you have had mercy on us only 142 in Your saving incarnation and suffering - you have mercy on us, sinners, evil-willed and ungrateful, and for the creation of mercy due on our part to our neighbors. September 9, 1869. The worm or demon of the love of money almost never gives a person peace and sharpens his heart; he does something that in the same house it is crowded for father and son, children in general with their parents, close relatives or neighbors in the same house; it produces constant envy, anger, pride (and arms children against parents, parents against children) and fills home life with countless absurdities. All passions are a manifestation of enmity towards God and neighbor and carnal pride and attachment to this world: we, contrary to God’s intention, want to live lightly and luxuriously here, not caring about pleasing God and achieving the eternal Heavenly Fatherland. Therefore, in order to fulfill the commandments of love for God and neighbor, one must deny oneself, one’s self-love, one’s dominant direction of the heart, despise the world, the flesh and the blessings of this age, firmly holding on to the world. True self-love consists of denying yourself, or your passions, whims, habits. Imaginary love, or our ordinary, sinful love for ourselves, daily plunges us into spiritual death: into sorrow, oppression, despondency, envy, anger, pride, irritability, laziness, gluttony, intemperance, willfulness and stubbornness, and into countless other sins. True love gives us constant peace, tranquility, makes us humble, forgiving, self-controlled, patient, chaste, submissive, friendly to everyone, complacent, joyful. Few people truly love themselves: most of us hate ourselves deeply. This is what evil sin has brought us to! This is how wicked the world is! God has turned the wisdom of this world into foolishness... If anyone... thinks to be wise in this age, he must be foolish in order to be wise [1 Cor. 1, 20; 3, 18]. Love does not harm one's neighbor; So love is the fulfillment of the law [Rom. 13, 10]. What a storm the enemy raises over food and drink, over money, over temporary shelter or housing! What darkness it brings to the soul, what oppression, what anger! As if the matter is about something very important - because of eternal life on earth, because of eternal blessings on earth, while there is no trace of heavenly blessings, and then it is precisely because of an addiction to earthly blessings, temporary, imaginary, that we are deprived of heavenly, eternal, true blessings. Oh, perversion of the Divine order! Oh, the darkening of the devil! Nothing is mine - everything is God’s, received from the Lord - and I willingly give it to others. I am a stranger and a stranger on earth and in my home. My duty is constant repentance and the removal of passions from the heart, and not the pursuit of carnal pleasures, not collecting property, not judging other people who themselves have their own free will and their own conscience. May you and your household have one heart, one soul, especially when sharing a meal or when sitting at a meal and living in one home. May the usual anger and dissatisfaction with one’s own in these cases be removed. Be all heavenly, do not desire any earthly beauty and splendor, for this feeds vanity, chains you to the earth and distracts you from the heavenly. May all your treasures be in heaven. Do not desire that your service in Christ be rewarded by people, and do not thereby humiliate a holy, invaluable work. Serve selflessly. Do not impose mortal bonds on the soul. Earthly rewards, occupying the soul greatly, do not give it time to pay all attention to the internal state (ugliness) and engage in self-correction as it should, and enslave the soul to vanity. Where the treasure is, there the heart is also [Matt. 6, 21; OK. 12, 34]. Weren't the ascetics deeply wise, carefully avoiding all earthly rewards that feed vanity, and living in deep poverty? But we are very frivolous and have little faith. A Christian must be all above, and the devil tries to make those who care to be such above all, and have long ago made the careless people inferior, and moreover, in such a way that they do not even notice the snares of the enemy and willingly remain in them. I feel that this enemy daily torments me with earthly attachments and through them uses them to attack my neighbors with pride, malice, envy and other things. We, like greedy animals, are in our house as if in a cage or in a menagerie, especially at the table when there are strangers at it. In fact, they are very similar to animals in the malice, in the envy, in the greed with which we sit at the table and treat these people who come! My God! My God! What has sin brought to man, created in the image and likeness of God! Oh, womb! Oh, who walks on the belly and on the perch! 143 We must constantly go to the church of God on Sundays and holidays: oh, after all, there is something to cry about before God, there is something to repent of - how much you will sin in a week; there is something to thank the Lord God for, there is something to pray to Him for; but nowhere is the heart so conveniently warmed by repentance and love for God as in church. Here, before the face of the Heavenly Father, before the Heavenly Queen, before the Angels and all the saints, my tears flow because I did not keep the commandments of God, frivolously and recklessly violated them, trampled on them, wounded and denigrated myself with countless falls into sin. It is wisely arranged by the Lord that He commanded that the seventh day should be dedicated to Him [Exod. 20:8], that is, repentance for our sins, glorifying Him, giving thanks to Him! After all, this is a spiritual need, the daily bread for the soul. Oh, if we went every Sunday, as we should, to the church of God: then all our iniquities would be cleansed, all our sorrows and ailments would be healed, we would be strong for good and powerless for sin and evil. And now many for several weeks and months in a row do not see the church of God, although it is before their eyes, they do not come to public prayer - and what happens? The devil, seeing them not among the flock of God, not in the fence of God, without a shepherd, conveniently catches them in his nets - in various vices, and even in a noose, and often, as we hear about that. Oh, what spiritual misfortune a person falls into without a church, without the service of God, without shepherds! Why do you, brethren, want to be smarter than the Lord God, that you consider the church of God unnecessary, and the Divine service, and the shepherds appointed by the Holy Spirit? You are cunning to your own misfortune, to your destruction, to please the enemy of God and yours - the devil; but God cannot be mocked. Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap [Gal. 6, 7]. If you don’t go to the church of God, you will become either a drunkard, or a money-loving Judas, or a vile fornicator, or a thief, you will be completely corrupted and you will quickly perish. For everyone who separates himself from You will perish, says the holy king and prophet David [Ps. 72, 27]. If someone has offended you by waywardness, rudeness, or disobedience, do not be irritated or offended by him, but humbly forgive him, as if he has the same weaknesses, shortcomings, passions, and pride as you; conquer yourself, if you are indignant and upset and feel enmity in your heart, stop it with prayer and the power of your will, strengthened by grace. This will be a brilliant victory, a great miracle, greater than healing a sick person with a physical illness, taming a storm, extinguishing a flame, for this is done with a soulless and submissive substance, conveniently susceptible to extraneous power, although, without a doubt, especially Divine, and this is done with a free being, deeply corrupted by sin, and is the resurrection from the dead, the renewal of the soul, the work of God’s grace. It is a great thing to conquer ourselves and not allow nasty passions to dominate us contrary to the will of God. This is what all of Christianity consists of - that is, in conquering the passions that rise up in us, in fulfilling virtues, such as: meekness, humility, kindness, abstinence, humility, patience, chastity, peacefulness, hard work, courage. We are all sick in spirit, for we are all sick with different passions, and we all need indulgence and compassion. We are all flammable by sin, like phosphorus matches, and therefore we need meek, careful treatment of each other, especially since our common enemy is constantly intensifying to fan all passions in us and turns the spark into flame. To fall away from God, it is enough just to desire a golden cross on the chest, for this is vanity, and with what? The Cross of the Lord, on which He suffered for the sins of the world, humbling Himself even to the point of death, death on the cross [Phil. 2.8]. Hear, crusaders! If it is a grave sin to be vain about simple things, then what sin is it to be vain about the cross? The devil teaches us to swear at the Cross of the Lord in this way. The soul senses this when, with the desire for the golden pectoral cross, it is suddenly struck by cramped conditions, sorrow, and spiritual distress. Is there still not enough love of gold in the world? Will we still wear a cross of gold on our chests, to deceive the eyes of men? Let the Tree of the Cross be most venerable, for the Lord was crucified on wood, and not on gold. And let gold adorn the churches of God. Reverend Father Sergius, who did not desire the golden cross, pray to God for me, a sinner and lover of gold. I have a copper cross on my chest - it’s so small: I want gold. Drive away from my heart the spirit of love of gold through your prayers, Reverend, and grant me to be diligent about spiritual lordship and to despise external lordship, criminal, seducing and robbing the soul. Where our treasure is, there our heart is also [Matt. 6, 21]. Let all the treasure be one Lord. How unfair and blind a person is in passion: having taken offense at his neighbor for something, he becomes angry with him and forgets all his previous merits, love, service. I thank You, Lord my God, who saved me, through the prayer of my repentance, from my anger and rancor towards my sister Anna, who resisted me from opening the window and defended my brother Alexei, as if he had not smoked tobacco. I despised my sister Marya K. because she often comes to see me, she seems to live idle, or she seems to have gotten into a fight with her husband - because she has blue on her face; But isn’t it the dying person who must be accepted, caressed, consoled, reassured? But she has many good qualities: she is pious, pious, affectionate, and kind-hearted. I did not clearly express my anger, but she felt it, and her heart turned away from me. And when my heart turned to her, her heart turned to me, and she became kind to me. Oh, how the enemy shakes our hearts with enmity, with hellish malice! Where is the sincere love in me? What will you do with absurd, powerless malice to a brother or sister who has sinned and disfigured himself through an unreasonable life? We must cover sins with love and pray to God, who can arrange everything for good through our love; have pity on sinful and weak humanity, and do not burden it when you see it drowning, and comfort the oppressed by the enemy! The desires of my heart are wrong, deceitful, and evil. Oh, who will give me the right, kind, sincere direction! Everyone takes care of himself; Why am I angry with my neighbor when, out of a natural and common sense of self-preservation for everyone, he does not allow us to open the windows in the room? Why does this annoy me? Why do I not respect rights, do not value my neighbor’s health as my own, according to the commandment: love your neighbor as yourself [Matt. 19, 19, etc.]? Why don’t I adapt to the character and habits of others, as I wish for myself from others? Why am I carried away by waywardness and stubbornness? Why do I give place in my heart to satanic malice? She'll burn me. We eat and drink sweetly, but there is so much bitterness in us! Why don’t we, at least in gratitude to the Lord for His sweets, [want] to become the sweet bread of the Holy Trinity, a sweet drink! Why don’t we cast away bitterness from our hearts? their own, the bitterness of anger, envy, pride, waywardness, stubbornness, lewdness of the prodigal, unbelief, schism, freethinking? 12 [September]. I committed a great sin before the Lord and before my neighbor during lunch this day, seething with indignation at my sister Anna for living with me for a long time (was it cramped in such a spacious apartment?) and for insulting me (did she eat or drink a lot at my place, I myself was starving or something, walked around without clothes or shoes, slept on the bare floor?). Oh, blind pride, oh, devilish malice, devilish envy, satanic pride! Everything was given to me in abundance from the Lord. What does it mean to die to sin or to be dead to sin? This means not feeling the temptation of sinful embarrassment when meeting with persons tempting us to sin, at the sight of people and objects that are for some reason tempting. For example, if someone unjustly offends or scolds me, and I am not embarrassed by the insult, I am not angry at the offender, I do not take revenge on him and I do not want to take revenge; if I meet a beautiful girl, I am not at all seduced by her beauty; if I see the increasing prosperity of a neighbor, a colleague, and I do not envy him at all, but wish him the greatest possible good; if I see a table laden with rich and tasty dishes and drinks, and, being hungry, I am not at all tempted by them; If I have the opportunity to profit from money, to make capital, just to bend my conscience, I despise money and value honesty; If I see brothers like me walking around in silks and velvet or in English draperies and cloth - and I am not at all seduced by their outfits and calmly walk around in hair shirt or rags - this means: I have died to sin. If I see that I am being robbed, eaten, drunk, and I do not regret anything at all, I am not embarrassed in the least, I do not change my disposition towards those who rob me, always maintaining respect and love for them, this means that I am dead to sin. To be alive for God means to practice every virtue: meekness, humility, kindness, patience, obedience, free poverty, abstinence, purity and chastity, obedience. I was created from nothing. I am nothing in myself: everything in me is God. So, I have nothing to boast about, be proud of, except my weaknesses and insignificance. The angels constantly contemplate that they are from nothing and that all their perfection, all their beauty, all their light is God’s beauty, Divine light, and they burn with fiery love for Him, and they continually humble themselves and serve Him joyfully day and night, thanking and glorifying Him. The beginnings of hell, hellish fire, are already in the passions in this life: if I do not eradicate the passions, their hellish fire will open and spill out with terrifying force, and the fiery Gehenna into which I will be cast will aggravate my torment a thousand times. Let us strive to immediately rid ourselves of passions through repentance, tears of tenderness, and good deeds. A little more, a little more - and the Judgment will begin. My Lord is a good and true and righteous appraiser: if I have little and give from little to the poor, he values ​​my alms as the alms of the widow of the Gospel [Mk. 12, 41 – 44; OK. 21, 1 – 4], and estimates my contribution at ten, twenty, fifty and one hundred; if by His mercy I have a lot and give from His generous gifts - and then He will not offend me and will not deprive me of His mercy, unworthy. Having such faith and such prudence, I am content in any case - in poverty and in wealth, knowing that I will not be abandoned by Him who said: Have a disposition that does not love money, being content with what you have... I will not leave you and will not forsake you [Heb. 13, 5]. How not to feel sorry for a beggar! The Holy Spirit and my Guardian Angel tell me: he has no place to lay his head, but you have a luxurious apartment for free; he does not have his own piece of bread and remains hungry until he begs from a compassionate person, and from you, plenty of soft, fresh bread; he barely has plain water for free, so that quench your thirst, and you have all sorts of drinks flavored with sweets; he doesn’t have a whole and clean shirt, no whole underwear or outer dress - everything is torn, dirty, some kind of patchwork, no shoes at all - he walks barefoot or wears some kind of bast shoes, which, if thrown, every passer-by will be disgusted to pick up, and you have a large supply of all kinds of clothes, and even lush, perhaps expensive - the best cloth, or silk and velvet, or fur, several pairs of lacquered boots - how can you not sympathize with the poor, how can you not give to the needy, who is your own member, according to the Scripture: members one another [Eph. 4, 25 ]; how not to give, hearing the Forerunner of the Lord saying: whoever has two clothes, give to the poor, and whoever has food, do the same [Lk. 3, 11 ]! He is too proud and hard-hearted who despises the beggar and forgets his bitter spiritual poverty, that is, his many sins. If they took away your last shirt or if you had to give up your outer clothing, then do not be angry with the poor, but submit your heart to the law of Christ, which commands, in case of need, to lay down your soul for your neighbor, in the likeness of Christ the Savior Himself. Treat those who live on your bread kindly, kindly, as if they lived on their own and separately from you. Always remember the great dignity of man and the insignificance of everything we eat and drink, the insignificance of money, or gold and silver, the insignificance of fabrics and everything else that we are accustomed to value highly, valuing the soul, which is immortal in the image of God, at nothing. How to explain the troparion to the Cross? Save, Lord, Your people, and bless Your inheritance and so on. What does it mean: Your heritage and who is God’s property? - Christians. Why? Because they were redeemed by Jesus Christ at the price of His blood and are His property. What do the words mean: Your residence? Who is the residence of God? - Christians. Why? Because they live according to the law God, and because God dwells in them, as it is written: you are the church of the living God, as God said: I will dwell in them and walk in them... And I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty [2 Cor. 6, 16, 18]. Save Thy people. Save me from what? From sins, from the devil, who constantly attacks us. Bless the commons. What does it mean: bless? This means: speak all good things to Your people, or give them all good things: peace, holiness, good glory, constantly show Your power and Your providence to them. Look at the insults and slander inflicted on you like the wind rustling and disappearing, and do not remember the evil in the least. Pray for your barkers 144 as lost and deceived. Remember, you yourself did not scold, slander, or offend any of the serving brethren or the poor - and repent. With the measure you use, it is said, with the same it will be measured to you [Matt. 7, 2]. I thank You, Lord, for through my prayer you forsook the malice of my heart against the servant who angered me, and granted you the grace of gentleness, peace and space of heart after extreme tightness and embarrassment. September 13, five and a half o'clock in the evening. And in front of a person like us, we are embarrassed and we consider it insolence to appear without shaking off the passions from our hearts. How dare we appear before the purest Light - God - burdened with passions? Ridiculous, impudent. September 13. Lord Humanity! I thank You for the gift of sincere, tender and tearful prayer, which You gave me after difficult and fierce temptations and slander of the spirit of malice. Thank you for heavenly peace, for spiritual sweetness and heart space. An evil enemy greatly embarrassed me before the great dismissal, while saying the prayer of the first hour: Christ, the True Light, stole the words: to do Thy commandments, which he, the accursed one, was very uncomfortable with. He became very angry, cursed. 14th. He served Mass in a weak state of spirit and body. The weather was bad and had an unfavorable effect on body and soul. The royal house did not speak out completely at the great entrance. This confused me. The Lord had mercy through prayer. The sermon was not spoken quite boldly; He spoke about the passion for smoking tobacco, about the erection of the Cross. Doesn't smoking tobacco excite the blood and nerves and contribute to the premature development of the genital organs and needs? Do good to your neighbors - voluntary or involuntary - with love, enduring everything, with meekness and humility, so that the price of your good deed will increase, and not with malice and contempt, so that you do not completely lose the reward for good deeds and so that you do not suffer great punishment from God for your pride, contempt and anger. Be zealous for constant meekness and complacency towards those who sin and offend for the sake of Christ - meek and long-suffering towards us sinners. By offending and hurting your neighbor with words, or with your gaze, or with deeds, you offend and hurt yourself first of all; fiery arrows aimed at your neighbor pierce you much more painfully than your neighbor. Pathetic, very pathetic is the offender and scolder, especially the one who hits. Anger punishes itself. To show people in conversations the God-like beauty of our soul, and how it is disfigured and disfigured by sin and our passions, and how to achieve God-like beauty, as the saints of God achieved and achieved it, and how to avoid sins. How in this important matter the word of God and the Church of Christ are guided by teaching, sacraments, institutions, and government. Simplicity of soul. One look at [legs] or [member] can confuse, excite the soul instantly, or seduce and defile it. The soul is like lightning. That is why children, especially those whose minds have not developed and whose hearts are already unclean by nature, must be raised with extreme caution, keeping them away from temptations. Gluttony, satiety, love of money, ambition, like darkness, cover our hearts and deprive us of light and the opportunity to see our delusion, our countless falls into sin, our spiritual destruction - and to arise from spiritual sleep. To see your sins and the depth of your fall, you need fasting, prayer, reading the word of God. Have you seen how a dam breaks due to a large pressure of water, but when there is little water, it remains safe? So our soul, when overeating and drunkenness, is cast down and perishes. Youth must be educated skillfully, so as not to fill their heads with knowledge that swamps the soul, but to warm and enlighten their hearts and direct their active force - the will - towards good; It is necessary to remove bad habits from them, like thorns from a field: after all, if bad habits - carnal or mental - become stronger, they will be great obstacles to the love of God and to salvation. We must turn them more often from teaching to heartfelt prayer, to singing church songs, to reading the Gospel with explanation and meditation. Much knowledge is spiritual wealth, but what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world [Matt. 16, 26; Mk. 8, 36], will know the whole world, world history, geography, all numbers and their various relationships, will speak in the languages ​​of men and angels, but will not have a pure heart and Christian love? What an absurd heart: it often hates its neighbor without any good reason and only [amuses itself] with the malice with which it has become accustomed; So, we often hate the person who is kind to us in every possible way, caresses us and caresses us - and why? It is only because he lives with us, that we have taken a closer look at him, that he eats and drinks from our table, dresses from our income, which we should rejoice at, that is, his contentment and peace as if it were our own, but we are angry because we are addicted to earthly things, to self-interest, to sweets; out of some stupidity, out of some absurd passion for breadth, we want to occupy large rooms alone, which can comfortably accommodate up to twenty people. How necessary it is to crucify your passionate, evil, proud, envious, voluptuous, generous, lazy, perishable flesh! How necessary it is to reject your heart, stupid, evil, self-loving, vain, vain, vile, cowardly, sad, desperate, unfaithful, hopeless, and rely on God in everything! Have we not yet experienced our extreme corruption, darkness, powerlessness, and madness? Leave madness and live... seek reason, so that you may live and correct your reason in knowledge [Russian: and walk in the path of reason] [Prov. 9, 6]. When morally educating children or oneself, one must keep in mind the correction of the heart, the eradication of passions, vices, and bad habits. To inspire that the fruit of sincere prayer should be the correction of the heart and the renewal of all life, internal and external, that this is the goal of life and the Christian faith; instill to always firmly resist the evil inclinations of your heart. Go against the current, against the speed of evil that dominates the heart, force yourself to internally crucify yourself on the cross, for without this salvation and success in virtue are impossible. Evil constantly intensifies to spread its action, its successes - and good must make its way into our hearts, into our lives through struggle, effort, sweat and blood. September 15. He served the Liturgy without stumbling, by the grace of God. He pronounced the names of royalty firmly; performed the prayer service without stumbling; Gospel: Nothing is covered [Lk. 12, 2] - read firmly, although the enemy confused him. At mass there were the Greens, a husband and wife. September 16. With God's help, I liturgized successfully, although with struggle. On the 17th he served Matins firmly. On the 17th he served Matins firmly. But the prayer service is unsteady: it got lost in the intense litany. And why? Because I saw the rich lady Turygina: it was not the woman’s charm that embarrassed me, but the appearance of a rich rank, little accessible. What is the charm of wealth and the rich?.. Lord! What are they to me, these rich people? Why am I embarrassed, afraid of them, I, Your servant, for whom wealth should be a ghost? How can I fear a person - where only You should be feared? What kind of deity, what kind of monster is wealth? I can still see faces, damned one. Until he saw the rich man, he was calm, but as soon as he saw him, he became embarrassed and, somewhat lost in spirit, partly abandoned the work of serving. Isn’t the Lord God sicker and richer than all? Isn't He more glorious, isn't He stronger than everyone? Grant me, Lord, to look equally at everyone: at the rich and the poor, the noble and the simple in Your church, and not to be afraid of the human face, but to fear Your one face, immeasurably surpassing all others in its greatness, beauty and power. September 17. I performed the Liturgy firmly with God’s help; He pronounced the names of the royal persons slowly. I took communion into the world of spiritual forces. The enemy's opposition was strong. There were many birthday girls. The singers sang for the birthday girl Sofia Lvovna. I thank You, Most Holy Lady Theotokos, for You soon heard the cry of my heart when I stood before Your Tikhvin icon in my living room, and You saved me from my anger towards my sister Anna, from cramped conditions, embarrassment and inner dishonor, and You granted me deep peace. September 17. Evening, seven o'clock. Anger is a mental and at the same time physical illness, as everyone experiences it for themselves. Therefore, one must be extremely careful when dealing with those suffering from fits of anger: one should not irritate them, but, as much as possible, please them. I sinned, I got angry because I spilled a glass of tea, I got angry at my wife in my heart, although I kept silent. Throughout the Holy Scriptures there is unity of plan, unity of thought - from beginning to end. Wonderful consistency, gradualism, fidelity to plan, thought, intention, promises, prophecies! A person can become so carried away by the dreams of passions, for example, pride, that the widest dwelling will seem cramped to him and one person will confine him. And there are also such people that the world or their kingdom is too small for them. To such people God says: as if you alone were settled on earth [Isa. 5, 8 ]! Sins are the seeds of death, and eternal death. Remember this and instill in everyone to remember and beware of sin in every possible way. I thank You, most merciful and benevolent Master Lord, for You heard me, in the sin and crampedness of my life, and for salvation, who cried out to You with my heart, and You had mercy on me, and You saved me, and You granted me a peaceful and sublime sleep for the repose of my weakness. How good it is to be with You, to have You in your heart and not to have sin in yourself, by Your grace. When repaying a debt to a lender, they rejoice, not mourn. You owe the Lord ten thousand talents [Matt. 18, 24], that is, countless. Rejoice that you are little by little repaying your debt to the Lord by showing mercy to the poor. The grace of God will save you; your alms will be remembered before God, for he who does good to the poor lends to the Lord, and He will reward him for his good deed [Prov. 19, 17]. But when giving physical alms, one must also do spiritual ones - forgive offenses from the heart and not be vindictive. Today I sinned gravely before the Lord God and was unfaithful before Him by being cowardly and angry and grumbling when the beggars surrounded me in the evening, asking me for alms, others another time. Why was I cowardly? Was it because I myself was poor, poor, without money, hungry, or in rags, or without boots, or had no shelter anywhere? But then I would have nothing to ask of me. No: I was fed, and clothed, and had shelter, and money - and yet I regretted giving to the poor, some of whom do not have shelter, a piece of bread, clothing, shoes; I regretted it because I had already given to many that day, as if if I had given even this, I myself would have fallen into deprivation and poverty. Oh, lack of faith! I forgot five loaves for five thousand, or seven loaves for four thousand, except women and children [Matt. 14, 19–21, etc.]. And how my wicked flesh became enraged: it threw itself into howls and tears before the image of the Savior: Lord, I cried out internally, establish a House of industriousness in our city and a school of crafts and literacy for poor children, for it is difficult for me alone to cope with so many beggars and satisfy everyone; inspire powerful people in this city to take care of informing all the poor and providing them with what they need. I thought that God had left me alone with the beggars, and I became depressed, and grieved, and got angry, and grumbled. I have sinned before God! But soon the All-Good Provider sent me eighty kopecks for praying for the baby and a prayer service. And it has always been so that with one hand I give, and with the other the Lord quickly gives, so that I have something to give, so that I do not lose heart when I see His Providence for us. He also sinned in that he did not allow some sick beggars to come near him, saying: “Don’t come near me.” What if the Lord tells me: do not come to Me to ask for My mercy. What will it be like? And the Lord, indeed, as punishment for my hardness of heart, did not listen to my prayer of repentance for a long time, and the oppression of sin tormented me for a long time. I forgot, Lord, Your exhaustion for my sake, Your constant bearing of the cross, how You became incarnate for me and You were a baby, how You worked for me all your life, how you traveled, taught, worked miracles, how you endured reproach, strangulation, spitting, beatings, nudity, crucifixion, fierce suffering and death - and I do not want to satisfy the poor, I, whom You feed almost daily His flesh and blood. The cross is a sign of self-sacrifice out of love for God and neighbor. He who wears a cross on his chest, and especially with a crucifix, must daily lay down his soul for others, daily must strive in various self-sacrifices, for before his eyes there is always Christ crucified for us and, therefore, an everlasting lesson, an everlasting preaching of selflessness. Apparently, there is no priceless treasure in your heart - God, who can abundantly replace all the treasures of this world, for you desire earthly treasures: insignia, wealth, expensive clothes, sweets for the larynx and others. Remember David, who said: Who is in heaven for me? and with You I want nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart faint: God is the rock of my heart and my portion forever [Ps. 72, 25–26]. Having desired earthly treasures, you will leave the source of living waters - the Lord. I thank the Lord, who soon heard my prayer of repentance and saved me from the wound of sin, for I became embittered with one beggar for what I thought was idleness and parasitism, although I gave him three kopecks. We should not at all be angry with a person, for, no matter what he is, he is our member, he carries within himself a soul created in the image and likeness of God. (I read: Have mercy on me, O God [Ps. 50].) If we did not have sorrows and enemies, then we would love the world and passions, move away from God and perish. Sorrows and illnesses are signs of God’s merciful and wise care for us, a sign of His not abandoning us. We are so partial to earthly things, so ungrateful to God and inattentive to our salvation that we are ready to exchange the Lord - the priceless treasure of our heart, which exudes life to everyone and gives every good thing, for every shiny thing, or sweetness, or the wealth of this world, or elegant clothes, or for any creature: whether human, animal, plant, metal or other things. We are ready to deify everything, and we are devoted to almost incessant heartfelt idolatry. A person is constantly tempted and is close to falling - prayer of the heart is a rod that supports him and protects him from falling and destruction. But in order to avoid strong temptations and falls, one must abandon the addiction to material goods: to wealth, honor, power, for the greatest part of temptations and falls happen because of money, because of honors, because of food and drink and beautiful rags and because of female beauty, which is the same as a beautiful rag, or flab, because it is perishable or flabby, like all earthly things. growth. All flesh is like grass, says the Apostle [1 Pet. 1, 24]. The passions torment and scourge us, but we, as humble and fixed slaves of them, continue to serve them and are again wounded and fall away in our hearts from our Lord. Spiritual Amalek continually defeats us [Exod. 17]. What especially defeats and hurts us is gluttony and gluttony, brilliant distinctions, for example, golden crosses and a golden chain, earthly treasures: money, feasts, precious garments. I thank the Lord, who granted me the power to perform the all-night vigil in the Assumption Church without stumbling, and in the end to perform forgiveness. I thank the Lord, who gave me the great mercy to perform the liturgy in the cathedral that same day without stumbling (I pronounced the royal name very firmly) and to receive communion without condemnation for great joy, into heavenly peace and sweetness. Glory to the Lord! The desire for a golden pectoral cross is tantamount to an addiction to the world, to the splendor of the earth. Internal virtues are acquisitive, do not chase external ones. It is a sin to desire a golden cross. Where is the poverty of Christ in the priest? Did Jesus Christ and the apostles have gold? No. By focusing our attention on vanity, the search for earthly splendor turns our heart's eyes away from the inner splendor, from the only thing needed, for the soul, in its simplicity, cannot work for two masters. So, heed the salvation of your soul, purification, correction, the salvation of others, have compassion for those who suffer. Every step of a Christian should be a step towards eternity, towards the mountainous fatherland; Every hour we must strive to tear our hearts away from the earth, or from earthly attachments, so that it may cling entirely to God and desire heavenly beauties and sweets. Every desire for earthly splendor comes from the devil, from Gehenna and is akin to Gehenna; strive for the unfading heavenly light; any desire for earthly excess good for vanity and sweetness kills heavenly thoughts and desires and love for God and neighbor. God! Strengthen me to seek heavenly treasures and to love spiritual poverty, excluding all earthly decorations that puff up the soul and plunge it into spiritual hunger. Many members of Christ have no clothes, they walk naked and barefoot, but I, having many clothes, am still looking for decoration for my vanity and exaltation before my brothers. To evaluate a Christian according to the spirit of the Gospel, I will ask him: is your heart earthly or heavenly? If earthly, then he is a dubious Christian, has not yet assimilated the spirit of Christ; and if heavenly, it means that he is a true Christian. He who has a heavenly heart has no attachment to anything earthly: neither to earthly glory, nor to wealth, nor to earthly pleasures; all his thoughts, desires, aspirations, goals are heavenly; he is meek, gentle, a zealot of spiritual and physical purity, impartial, unhypocritical, truthful, hardworking, contented, self-controlled in everything, patient, obedient, trustworthy. It is not a shiny cross on my chest, but the lightness of my face, enlightened by the grace of Christ, that I need; bright or holy life according to the commandments of Christ. So let your light shine before people, so that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven [Matt. 5, 16]. If I wear a golden cross on my chest, and in my heart I seethe with the passion of dishonor, will not this cross be a denunciation of my life? If I wear a golden cross, but don’t lay down my soul for my neighbors, and don’t learn self-sacrifice - won’t the cross be a constant reproof for me? Those who desire to be distinguished before their brethren must recall the words of the Savior to the apostles James and John, who demanded of Him that one might sit on the right hand, and the other on the left side 145 in His glory: you do not know what you ask. Can you drink the cup that I will drink, or be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized? [Matt. 20, 22]. This is the glory of a Christian - suffering for Christ; This is the insignia of a Christian, this is the pectoral cross - to be baptized for Christ, to crucify all passions with the fire of suffering in the flesh or in your passionate heart. They also need to be reminded of the words of the psalmist: All glory to the daughter of the Tsar, that is, the Christian soul, within [Ps. 44, 14]. Christian virtues often grow in poverty, ignorance, during adversity, sorrow, dishonor, and persecution. How much harm the desire for the pectoral cross has caused me, how much spiritual harm, heartfelt rejection of God. The world and all its charms and blessings must be crucified - this is the true cross. Despise human opinion. Our life should consist in concerns about the salvation of human souls and our souls, and not in tending our flesh, our belly and our wallet. Look at the cross - and see the exhaustion of our Son of God for the sake of salvation and be ashamed of your earthly passions, your gluttony, your love of money, your ambition and pursuit of rewards, your negligence about the salvation of human souls. Whoever [Russian: who] wants to save his soul will destroy it: and whoever destroys his soul for the sake of Me and the Gospel, he will save it [Mk. 8, 35]. To save your soul, or your life, means getting rich, eating and drinking a lot and sweetly, walking, having fun, not caring about saving your soul. And to destroy your soul means to be in voluntary poverty, in abstinence and fasting, in humiliation for the sake of God. Because iniquity multiplies, the love of many will grow cold [Matt. 24, 12]. What lawlessness? - Love of money, carnality, gluttony, ambition. September 21. Week of the Exaltation. Mass was served in the Assumption Church. At first there was weakness and crampedness, but after the Gospel, when I looked at the Crucified One and felt my calling to save the erring, the crampedness suddenly fell away and it became easier. He performed the Sacrament with reverence and tearful tenderness. I took communion into the world of spiritual forces; however, after communion there was a strong temptation; by faith he prevailed over preaching. The sermon was spoken with delight by Metropolitan Gregory 146. He reprimanded the royal persons firmly at the great entrance. He performed two christenings firmly. The wedding is firm. Glory to God for everything: for all the help, for all the cleansing, for the abundant peace! I thank the Lord, who saved me from absurd anger towards my father, the archpriest, for taking all the income from the Assumption Church. After all, I didn't need them. September 22. Morning. Nine o'clock. I thank you, my Most Holy Lady Theotokos, for you quickly heard my inner, mental and heartfelt prayer and saved me from the passion that held me while taking morning food and drink. Truly you are the most swift Intercessor. Glory to Thee, always present among us in icons and in truth itself. What is more valuable than spiritual peace for a person? Nothing. If a person has inner peace with God, with people and with himself, then he is the happiest person. As a great treasure, the Lord left the world of God to His disciples and followers. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you [Jn. 14, 27]. Glory to God in the highest, and peace on earth, the inhabitants of heaven proclaimed at the birth of the Divine Child [Lk. 2, 14]. Have peace and holiness with everyone, for them except 147 no one will see the Lord, says the Apostle [Heb. 12, 14]. From 21st to 22nd September. Dream. I'm with the Metropolitan. His sister, old woman Anna Egorovna, comes out; she looks like a ruler. She is justifying herself to me; refutes human slander, says that there is a spark of God in her, pointing to her chest. Countless numbers of wax candles in a box sent to her by the Metropolitan; I counted them, disposed of them. What is this and why did you have such a dream? Judging by our earthly rewards, we are excellent people, citizens, great righteous people, selfless servants of truth, friends of humanity - but are we like that in the eyes of God? Does God look at us the way people look at us? Does He look at our ranks, at our orders and golden crosses, at these ribbons, at these miters? Oh no! He looks at the heart. Man sees on the face, but God looks on the heart. So, what kind of true Christian would desire orders in order to deceive both himself and people with them, in order to feed through them his vanity and false self-confidence in his superiority over others? The spirit of Christian humility requires that we consider ourselves no better than others, even worse. “I am the chief of sinners,” says the Apostle Paul [1 Tim. 1, 15]. Why do we often reward ourselves? For your vices. Will we not be subjected to even greater condemnation at the Last Judgment? As much as you became famous and fierce [Russian: glorified and luxurious], only as much as you give him wounds and torment [Rev. 18, 7], they will say about him. Again I sinned against my brother, sparing him some quick butter for [sprat] baking - for the one who was created to be the owner of the whole earth. Well, if he took everything that was in Maslenitsa, would what he eats be more valuable than mutual love and peace of mind? Doesn’t the Lord provide for you and send you daily ten times as much as your brother uses, and even much more? For the generous gifts of God, do you serve not Him, but the devil, being hostile to your neighbor, stingy, envious, greedy? We need to seek the grace of God, the cleansing of sins, holy things for the salvation of ourselves and others, but we are looking for how to eat and drink sweeter, dress more smartly, build a more magnificent chamber, and have more elegant furniture and dishes. We must inevitably and unceasingly seek paradise, lost by sins, and we are looking for crosses and orders. We must constantly strive to be recorded in the book of life in heaven, and we strive to have more merits written down in our formal list, only imaginary or, perhaps, true (although, however, true merit does not expect earthly reward), and distinctions and rewards for service - the book of life rarely comes to anyone’s mind. Oh, the evil thought of this visible life, which comes from the evil one! We do everything inside out, contrary to what a true Christian should do. Everything is vanity! These earthly rewards are the chains with which we bind ourselves more and more to the earth. A follower of Christ must seek heavenly rewards, must strive for the honor of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus [Phil. 3, 14], as apostles, hierarchs, martyrs, reverends. Your reward is abundant in heaven (and not on earth), says the Lord [Matt. 5, 12]. My reward is with Me, says the Lord, and not in the world [Rev. 22, 12]. This is my reward from the Lord for my service to the altar: cleansing of sins, sanctification, peace of mind, spiritual freedom (freedom from sin and passions), spiritual space, lightness, the sweetness of the Divine presence, brightness of face, boldness, good glory among people, salvation of people! This is my reward. And earthly rewards humiliate my heavenly service, make me a hypocrite, vain, low, earthly, servile, proud. In the Kingdom of grace, or in the Kingdom of Christ, I would abolish rewards: they are very harmful morally. Turning to God is life - only a heartfelt turn: you began, let’s say, to pray, with all your soul you said in your heart or with your lips you uttered the first words of prayer - and fatness, laziness, carnal sinfulness flees from you, and the life of the Spirit of God and His holiness spills through your entrails and wraps itself around your ribs; you feel as if you are in the freshest, coolest, full of sweet aromas, life-giving air. This is how life-giving a sincere appeal to God is! But we do not want to stand up in prayer and say the words of prayer with all our hearts, with sincerity, with clear thoughts, and with conviction. [Or] we yawn in prayer, talk, laugh. We are not sons and not legitimate children, but an adulteress! We are looking for treasures, sweets, distinctions, rewards, joys in the world - but all this is given to us in abundance in Christianity: it is an invaluable spiritual treasure, it is spiritual sweetness, it is the highest distinction and reward, the highest and endless joy. Why do we chase after treasures, transitory sweets, earthly distinctions, rewards and joys and neglect the heavenly ones? Earthly treasures, sweets, distinctions, joys are too transitory and crude, insignificant to desire and seek them. Establish and start reading the best preachers and sacred writers in general for those who wish. The benefit is great! Print in the "Bulletin". Every citizen has the right to express his opinion before society in favor of society - therefore, firstly, as a citizen, and secondly, as a priest, well aware of the glaring needs of a significant part of the local bourgeois society, I decide to raise my voice in favor of it: I say that a significant part of the local bourgeois society absolutely does not have a place and shelter, while the bourgeois must certainly be placed somewhere; the position of society is unnatural: it is cut off from the real urban population and left to the mercy of fate, without any care from the City Duma; it has no corner to live in, no work to earn food, no money, no clothing. It lies as a black stain on the local urban society. Look at societies abroad: what they are like there. Look at the societies of Jews, Mohammedans, schismatics: what mutual support they have! What pride, what isolation of our rich Kronstadt people in themselves! While some overeat, get fat, have many changes of clothes, their own houses, good reserves of money - others are exhausted by hunger, cold, and homelessness. You shouldn't drink vodka: it gets hot and agitates the blood. We must turn every science - the history of the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Catechism, the science of worship, the history of the Church - into life, into action, into practice. This is what we will strive for with all our might. And rule over it [Gen. 1, 28], that is, by the forces of vapor and other elements of nature. You, priest, should not be stingy in giving alms to the poor or be upset with them when many ask you a lot, but with faith and trust in the Lord, share with them from a small amount, with willingness and goodwill, for He who commanded you: Give to everyone who asks you [Lk. 6, 30] will, without a doubt, give you something to feed from. Remember five loaves and two fish for five thousand people. And the Lord can and will multiply your small wealth if you willingly give small things to the poor. He who does good to the poor lends to the Lord [Prov. 19, 17]. September 28, 1869. I thank the Lord, who allowed me to perform the liturgy and prayer service to the Iveron Queen of Heaven with the Holy Spirit after early mass and to partake of the Divine Mysteries without condemnation. The royal house calmly spoke everyone's names. Is it because of the dirty cloth of the altar, which the archpriest did not remove and does not lay another ready one, that you are angry with him? What is more precious to God: clean cloth or the peace of the brethren of the church and their love among themselves? What is more disgusting: unclean, dirty, torn cloth or the hearts of brothers torn apart by malice and zeal? The answer is obvious - so why get angry and irritated? Isn't it possible to do things by persuasion? The headman and I procured the cloth - we can take the bad stuff and throw it away. Why do we bake delicious pies? To overeat. Why do we buy a lot of beer? To revel. September 28th. Sunday. Due to the fact that at dinner I ate a large quantity of hot pie with gusto, eating almost nothing else, it was very difficult for me, my stomach became clogged, I became irritable, and the wedding was celebrated poorly in the Duma church. Oh, satiety! We must respect man, created in the image and likeness of God, and always see him as a man, and not exchange him for soulless things, for money, for food and drink, etc., that is, to consider everything earthly, material as nothing, when it is necessary to sacrifice it for a person in need, according to the duty of community, according to accepted custom, for example, according to established hospitality. And how often do we value some thing too much, but consider a person to be nothing, hate, despise, persecute him! Anyone who is partial to money, food, drink, clothing, home decoration, etc., is unreliable for Christian love. September 30, 1869. Early liturgy from Ratmanov. I thank the Lord, who has given me the grace to perform the Divine Liturgy without stumbling and to partake in the world of spiritual powers, in the cleansing of sins and in the sanctification of the most pure Mysteries. What is liturgy? The Divine Supper, the marriage of the Lamb, at which the Lamb of God is united with the souls of believers. What is a throne? This is the Sinai of Epiphany, to which the true Lawgiver and Judge of the world descends. The priest is like Moses, standing before the Lord, talking with Him like a friend and performing the terrible mystery of reconciling people with God, offering a propitiatory and cleansing Bloodless Sacrifice about his sins and about human ignorance. What is a throne? This is the Divine Golgotha, on which the Lamb of God was crucified and died for the sins of the world. Here before you is the cross behind the throne and on the throne, as on Golgotha, and before your eyes is the Mother of God, standing at the cross of Her Son and bitterly weeping, and John the Theologian, the beloved disciple and confidant of Jesus Christ, also weeping. Before you is Golgotha, truly Golgotha ​​- remember vividly what happened on Golgotha ​​for us, and weep for your sins, and do not crucify the Son of God a second time, for if you live unrepentantly and sin fearlessly, then you again crucify the Lamb of God. What is a throne? This is the throne of the King of kings and Lord of lords [1 Tim. 6, 15], from which He gives His commands to the faithful; This is the throne of the Judge, who has the power to judge the world in righteousness, and the people with righteousness [Ps. 97, 9 ]; this is the pulpit of the Divine Teacher, who speaks the verbs of the eternal life. What is an altar? This is Heaven, the Kingdom of Heaven, paradise, which was once closed to earthly sins and has recently been opened by the cross of the Son of God. What are the Royal Doors? This is the gate of the Kingdom of Heaven, the gate of Heaven, the gate of heaven. Why is there an image of the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary on them? – As the beginning of our salvation, as the reason for the opening of the gates of the Kingdom of Heaven to us. The Most Holy Theotokos Herself is called the door through which we enter heaven, for She opened heaven to us through the incarnation of the Son of God from Her. On the Royal Doors we see Archangel Gabriel and the Virgin Mary. This means that through the incarnation, Heaven united with earth, Angels copulated with people and formed a single Church. Evangelists are depicted on the Royal Doors as heralds of our salvation, as our nurturers 148, leading us to God with their gospel about the incarnation, teaching, miraculous deeds, suffering, death, resurrection and ascension of the Son of God, as the culprits of our faith in Christ, through which we all enter heaven without restraint. About those floating, traveling, sick, suffering, captives. You can also understand all of us, floating on the sea of ​​\u200b\u200bthis life and overwhelmed by passions; we can also be called traveling – traveling to the heavenly country, for life is the path to eternity; those who are ill are all of us, obsessed with mental and physical ailments; the suffering are us, suffering from passions and evil spirits; captives are us again, captivated by passions. How close to us are all these exclamations! Why do you often sing Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit at prayer services for the saints and the Holy Trinity? Because God has gloriously glorified the saints and is continually glorified in them; He made them saints and makes pious people saints to this day. Black, soft bread with quick butter and tea is a useful thing, even at night it’s not hard, just drink a glass of sherry. Don’t eat porridge: it causes terrible rheumatism. Country Tolstoy, book of Sirach. Map of Russia. Miranov. Jesus son of Sirach. Collection of spiritual works. July 16. It is good to organize a reading room of spiritual books in Kronstadt for the glory of God and the edification of souls. “Letters” of Svyatogorets and the first part of the “Addition to the Works of the Holy Fathers” - to the wife of the navigator [of the vessel] “Sturgeon”. August 20. Don’t braid your hair at night, much less put on lipstick—this gave me hiccups during mass. September 1, 1869. Nadezhda Semyonovna’s butter crackers are heavy: don’t make them at home. Without having dinner, I slept well, healthy and peacefully from August 20th to 21st, despite the not entirely favorable weather. Good is abstinence, good is lean food: it is better, healthier than the famous fast food. I have aches in my left leg before the weather changes from clear to cloudy, from scrofula and before it comes out of the ear. Pies increase scrofula: you should not eat them, especially those that are very oily and with fish. Brown bread and milk are blood-cleansing foods, of course in moderation. You, O priest, are the trumpet of God: shout loudly with boldness: the glory of God in the church and from house to house. Be a strong, unshakable pillar in the church worship and put off the old man; don’t know what it means to be indignant in the church; give up your self. You can drink three cups of coffee with cream after lunch, three hours later, but four or more is unnecessary and sinful. Or mixing tea with coffee - it doesn’t work. Cabbage soup made from greens is a good, healthy, light food; sour milk with sour cream - too; veal liver is a healthy and light thing; radishes are a good thing. Every creation of God is good, and nothing is reprehensible if it is received with thanksgiving [1 Tim. 4, 4]. Do not be seduced by other people's gifts: they are a burden to the soul. Do not be tempted by tasty foods: they are a burden for the soul, a great burden. Always observe moderation and do not allow satiety. Sprat and buttered caviar with black bread (three kopecks) are healthy things that strengthen the nerves; the voice is clear and powerful. Don’t drink milk at night: it’s a heavy thing, it’s very difficult to get up in the morning. If your juices do not come out for a long time and, therefore, turn rotten and infect your blood, then eat as little as possible and do not sleep during the day. The trouble for me is cod overcooked in vegetable oil with onions and pancakes with jam: my nerves are terrible. If you want to maintain yourself in chastity, if you want your heart to be pure, light, spiritual, do not eat meat or even fish, eat more vegetables. Marinated fresh smelt is a superbly healthy fish. Experience. I don’t eat porridge at night: I feel very heavy and have trouble sleeping. In general, eat as little mealy foods as possible. Milk is very stimulating to the reproductive parts, so either don’t drink it, or drink only one glass at lunch and in the evening, but not in the morning, especially not after communion. Not eating fish during Lent: it’s hard. Salak is very fatty and hard on the heart. And there is not much soup with smelt. It seems that on St. Andrew’s Day, before the All-Night Vigil and at other times, with great faith and a strong cry of my soul, I prayed to the Lord to raise up able people to buy a house for the poor as a dwelling for them and a Workhouse. I believe that it will happen, for I asked for shelter - and it exists, for choristers in the cathedral - and they exist, for the renovation of the cathedral - and it was accomplished, despite great difficulties. My Lord says: Let it be, and it will be. Amen. Plus, quam potest locari in ventri, frater comedere non potest, igitur edat, quod vult. Malitia diaboli non dat nobis hospitare fratrem, et affectus ad bona terrestria libido cujus 149 . Acquire a friend's brother: he is a kind and helpful person. Crimean apples are very beneficial for the stomach, cleansing it. A little cream with black bread that is not very soft is a very good thing and useful: it calms you down. Thin porridge with Provencal butter (in abundance), a glass of Little Russian vodka, boiled potatoes - they weaken and are good for me. Lenten liquid coffee is good. Pickled smelt are good. Drinking hot tea with wheat breadcrumbs, and even in a hot room, is a disaster for me: my nerves weaken greatly. Drinking black Russian beer at night is harmful, but drinking one glass after lunch is beneficial. February 21. I drank two glasses and a half of beer in the evening, and it became very heavy, and it was extremely difficult to serve Matins: my chest and throat were blocked, my soul was tight. Especially with beer, you should not eat porridge with vegetable oil. In the morning you should drink no more than one glass of tea, but I drink three; Why burden yourself and deprive your soul of the grace of God and its natural subtlety and spirituality? If you want to have a simple, harmless and pleasant laxative, then eat one orange, drink a glass of Russian black beer and two glasses of tea. Avoid eating jelly at all costs; cottage cheese with cream is a very heavy food. Excellent lean food - fish soup, roast fish, and generally lean food. Meat causes rheumatism in the leg. Prayer service for Sturgeon on March 27. Ask Father Porfiry or Father John Tsvetkov: is it possible to have a wedding in the Assumption? Do not drink tea in the morning: heart disease and bodily infirmity from morning tea. April 14th, 1869. I confirm September 9th, 1869. Don't eat at night, especially pie. Kamenogradsky was given documents for Maria [...] - her passport and certificate. April 22, 1869. Strauch has a good port for eighty kopecks. Cheap and durable hemp material for Father John the Theologian’s cassock. Buy and sew, God willing. Do not have dinner at night: dinner makes you sleep very poorly; Do not eat cake or soft bread, do not eat cream. The cassocks are all old, but new ones are rarely used - do we really have the Old Testament, and not the New? Where are the new ones kept? May our holidays themselves be renewed through the change of vestments, and may we all be renewed in spirit. Grant us, Lord, to be diligent about internal renewal, so that, while caring about external splendor and renewal, we do not become addicted to this latter and neglect the internal. Let the outer man decay, says the Apostle, but the inner man is renewed day by day [2 Cor. 4, 16]: you see that the outer shell needs to decay so that the inside - the soul - is renewed. We have taken care of the outer... beautification alone, says Saint Andrew of Crete, having despised the inner God-like tabernacle 150. Levitsky - Sergius of Radonezh September 29, 1869 Bubnov – “Christian Readings” [...]. If the pectoral cross comes out, then wear it three times, and then sell it to the poor, and buy a new one yourself in a month. (It’s better that you give it to the poor, and keep the blessing of the Holy Synod for yourself and wear it as prescribed.) Chernorutsky, September 13, five rubles. On St. Peter's Day - name day - bring bread or something else to the director. Aaron made an idol in the form of a golden calf at the insistence of the sons of Israel, who were bored because of Moses' long stay in Sinai and wanted to have some visible image of the deity with them. The worshipers of the golden calf suffered severe judgment (Ex. 32). The golden image was erected for public worship by the Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar, who conquered Judea, plundered Jerusalem and drove the Jews into captivity (Dan. 3). They will rest (church glory) - they will calm down. Toliko (church glory) - so much. That is, the serpent-devil. Wed. words spoken by God to the serpent after the fall of the first people: on your toes and belly you will walk (Gen. 3:14). Barker (Church Slavic) – scolder, slanderer. Right hand - on the right, on the right hand; on the left - on the left (Church Slavic). Gregory (Postnikov; 1784–1860), Metropolitan of Novgorod and St. Petersburg. In 1814 he graduated from the St. Petersburg Theological Academy, where one of his mentors was St. Philaret (Drozdov), who had a great influence on him. Since 1819 - rector and ordinary professor of the St. Petersburg Academy; maintained strict order at the Academy, improved educational programs, and improved the financial situation of students; taught theological sciences, Holy Scripture, participated in the translation of Holy Scripture into Russian. His lectures were distributed in printed and handwritten form to many religious educational institutions. The works of Metropolitan Gregory laid the foundation for official spiritual journalism in Russia: in 1821 he founded one of the first spiritual magazines in the country, Christian Reading; in 1855, the Orthodox Interlocutor magazine began publishing in Kazan; in 1857, the Spiritual Conversation magazine, intended for the laity, was founded. In 1822, Gregory was consecrated Bishop of Revel, vicar of the St. Petersburg diocese. In 1825 he was appointed to the Kaluga See, where he began to actively engage in missionary activities among the Old Believers. In 1832 he headed the celebration of the discovery of the relics of St. Mitrophan of Voronezh. In 1848 he was appointed Archbishop of Kazan and Sviyazhsk. He paid special attention to missionary activity, took care of strengthening the common faith, and headed a committee to translate liturgical books into the Tatar language. At his insistence, missionary departments were opened at Theological Academies and Seminaries in St. Petersburg, Moscow, Kazan, and Kyiv. Bishop Gregory was a major specialist in the history of the Old Believers. His book “The Truly Ancient and Truly Orthodox Church of Christ” (1854) was published four times during the saint’s lifetime. In 1856, he was elevated to the rank of metropolitan and transferred to the St. Petersburg See, and from that time on he was a first-present member of the Synod. Metropolitan Gregory was a tireless preacher; he preached at every service, addressing the listeners with simple, brief, but succinct instructions. Metropolitan Gregory was a member of the St. Petersburg Academy of Sciences (since 1821), an honorary member of the department of Russian language and literature (since 1841) and the general meeting of the Academy of Sciences (since 1856). He led a strict, ascetic lifestyle and was distinguished by generous charity. He was buried in the Holy Spiritual Church of the Alexander Nevsky Lavra. Except for them (church glory) - without which. Pestun (obsolete) – nanny, teacher. My brother cannot eat more than his stomach can accommodate; therefore, he will eat as much as he wants. The wickedness of the devil does not allow us to show hospitality to our brother and strikes us with an addiction to earthly goods (lat.). The Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete, read on Thursday of the Fifth Week of Great Lent. Song 2. You might be interested in: