Июль 1869 г.

July 1st. I sinned twice today: I called the sexton of Kamenogradsky a dirty trickster and a bastard in the half-tower near the citadel gates, where the sick [Akishina] was given communion. The sexton did not appear for a long time - I became angry with him (I sinned against the Lord); another time - against the archpriest’s father for swearing in the peasants instead of me and taking my income. Good things fell into the wolf’s mouth, I thought, and I was very indignant and upset at him, filled with bile and malice towards him. Oh, the addiction to money that was not mine, that happened to present itself and that I did not deserve! So much for loving your neighbor. Because of money, it disappears or falls away, and we fall into the devil’s anger, damned, passionate about earthly goods. And this earthly passion - for earthly goods - comes from the devil. This anger, pride, vanity is from the devil. And I sinned so much soon after communion of the Divine and life-giving Mysteries! Sinned a thousand times. He was upset with the beggars and did not quite willingly give alms. I need patience, meekness, kindness, humility, impartiality to earthly goods: if you lose it, don’t cry, if you find it, don’t rejoice. Less money means fewer bonds, less creatureliness in the heart, the more conveniently the soul can unite with the Creator; less clothes, less earthly glory, fewer worldly comforts - the closer to heaven, to the Creator, to the true Fatherland. Do not be discouraged when you have little earthly goods, do not envy those who have much. And the king, and the prince, and the count, and the metropolitan, and all the bishops, city governors, all military ranks, secular and spiritual, all common people, warriors and merchants - we will all equally appear before the Court of Christ, without distinction of dignity, titles and persons, for God has no sight on faces [Rom. 2, 11]. Works of faith and truth will be required from everyone. Thinking about this, do not be afraid of any of the earthly authorities if you do good; speak in their presence or before them without timidity and embarrassment, with dignity, as a man and a Christian, as a servant of God, as a member of Christ and a child of God, for they too are subservient to us in every way. Today I boiled with indignation at my brother Alexey because he said that at his own expense he sent a dispatch to Moscow to Grigory Ivanovich Tsvetkov about his arrival in Kronstadt: there is a place in St. Petersburg. I was severely offended by the fact that he seemed to present himself to Grigory Ivanovich as a well-wisher, and us as ill-wishers. According to the explanation [...] he turned out to be right. But how impatient, proud, proud, and angry I showed myself before him! Why shouldn’t I remain calm and good at the thought that he presented himself as a good-natured person, but we didn’t, even if it really was so! Love is long-suffering and, in trusting God, endures slander and untruth, and considers it impudence to hate even for a moment one’s brother in one’s heart. There is also no need to get excited over money: it is given to me by God - and I give it willingly. And why did I lie - I suspected my brother of wanting to pretend to be a good guy! Apparently, I pretend to be a good-natured person, without being so in the thing itself! How proud I am! How I chase people’s good opinions, although perhaps I don’t deserve it. I will hide from people, but will I hide from God? Doesn’t he see everything through me and is a thousand times better than myself? So, every day we violate the love of God and neighbor because of money, food, drink, because of insult to our pride and our honor. I thank the Lord, who saved me from the cruel oppression of hell through my prayer. Passions truly, like fierce beasts, torment the soul! For the rest of your life, you should already be a heavenly man, cultivating higher wisdom and putting aside all worldly cares, placing your hope in God - you, a daily communicant of the Divine Mysteries. Why do drunkards die? Why don’t they turn to the Savior? What is the Savior for? Do you live chastely and in this you place your merit before God, considering yourself as if you have the right to love money and be cruel to the poor? – You will remain outside the gates of the Kingdom and with your chastity, if you do not give as generously as you generously received and receive from others, foolish virgin [Matt. 25, 1–12 ]! When will I die to anger, money-grubbing, lust, gluttony, pride, vanity, suspicion, impatience, despondency, laziness and all other sins? If fasters depress their body to the eternal belly of soul and body, then intemperate overeaters and drunkards also depress it - to the destruction of soul and body. It is better to oppress the body for the benefit of the soul than for destruction. After the defeat of the devil by the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, the devil and his hasty power became for us nothing more than scourges and teachers of virtue in a negative way, so that truly in the multitude of the power of the Lord they serve Him, the Lord, and our salvation, defeat Him [Ps. 65, 3]. So, for example, punished for your malice and pride by malice and pride itself, by their fiery scourges, you come to your senses, humble yourself, and become chaste with the torments of sin. You see for yourself all the misery of sin, for example, malice, pride, envy, covetousness, gluttony, fornication and others, you see for yourself the need for fervent prayer to the Lord, so that He alone, the almighty Savior, will save you from sin, for on your own, with your own strength, you cannot get rid of it; on the contrary, the devil incites you more and more to intensify your sin with increasing force, inflame you, rape you. Don’t you clearly see from this the need to feel sorry for all those who sin, and not to be irritated and embittered by them, to pray for them with all zeal, and not to come up with means to take revenge on them or to hurt them, to treat those who sin calmly, and not to be indignant is useless, for all these are the machinations of the enemy. If you see one of your subordinates disobedient and contradictory, hostile, consider this to yourself as retribution from God for your sins, perhaps of the same kind or similar ones, and do not despise the sinner, do not be embittered towards him, but always internally condemn and blame yourself first, calling yourself, and not your brother, a beast or a proud person, a lazy person, rude and uneducated, a lover of money, a sensualist, a drunkard, etc., and correct him with meekness. Otherwise, out of pride and sinful blindness, we almost always call others sinners, but ourselves almost righteous, we see the darkness of sins in others, but few in ourselves. And if, in fact, a brother sins, he should, if possible, excuse him, have mercy on him, pity him, even if he was at enmity against us and showed his enmity towards us in some way. Evil must be overcome by good [Rom. 12, 21]: if you insulted him, apologize to him and in future beware of insulting him in fits of impatience and vehemence. Because of one offensive word, sometimes there is a long-term feud. In every sin: in stinginess, luxury, extravagance, envy, condemnation, love of money, gluttony, intemperance, fornication, theft, false witness, despondency, cowardice, murmuring and others - there is hidden enmity towards God, towards one's neighbor and even towards oneself, although one or every sin is hidden behind the name of love, such as: lustful passion, stinginess, luxury, extravagance, love of money, gluttony, thievery, despondency, murmuring... On the contrary, every true virtue is an expression of true love for God, neighbor and oneself. It is dangerous for a person to have any passion in the soul, especially a deep-rooted one, because every passion gives a place in our heart to the devil, and this incorporeal villain can turn every passion nesting in us into a reason for enmity against God and our neighbor, to our own destruction, every hidden passion, like a spark hidden in the ashes, can turn into a flame of enmity. This is why it happens that sometimes an apparently insignificant incident, for example, the taking of our property by others (directly or indirectly), the taking of money, the consumption of our food and drink, etc., produce a storm of hostility in us; even one glance at someone who has shown us disobedience, rudeness, or hearing his voice produces in our heart a feeling of enmity, insurmountable without the grace of God. Therefore, we must eradicate all passion, all attachment to earthly things, to earthly honor, which the devil always tries to use as a reason for enmity against God and neighbor, and cleave to God with all our hearts, loving our neighbor as ourselves - for God, who commanded us to love him. And how can you not love God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself? For what has the Lord done for us and is constantly doing? Having created us and brought us into this life and redeemed us from sin, curse and eternal death, He gave us eternal life, a guarantee of future blessings - the Holy Spirit, nourishes us with His Divine Body and Blood, is satisfied with all earthly blessings, cleanses all our iniquities, heals all our ailments, constantly helps in every good thing, in all our good labors, enlightens, pacifies, pleases, elevates, glorifies - and for all this requires from us only love for Him and among ourselves. If I serve clothed in Christ, in His grace, having renounced all passions, I am strong in service, peaceful, free, the spirit triumphs: invisible enemies stand from afar, not daring to approach. But if I have not put off the old man with his deeds [Col. 3, 9] - carnality, gluttony, covetousness, voluptuousness, ambition, vanity, laziness, malice, envy and other things, then I am extremely weak in service, timid, cowardly, restless, bound; Enemies are working hard inside me, inciting me to different passions. What is the benefit of such service? July 6. Three times the enemy tormented me with his malice this day: just before communion at mass in the Assumption Church (Sorokoust according to Provorov) - however, I did not allow it to reach my heart, by the grace of God: there was only a painful prelude; then at a prayer service for the newborn Grand Duke Alexander Alexandrovich 99 on Archpriest Paul and partly Matthew; and finally at home - at his sister-in-law Marya Konstantinovna for being late for the ship - as if he were launching bombs or fiery arrows. And how he incites! No urine. Taking revenge for something, damned one. Three times the Lord saved me through my prayer from the mouth of the hellish dragon. We love a person for the most part either because we owe him some worldly blessing, or because we hope to receive something from him, or because he is handsome in face, or by blood, or for his education, mannerisms, etc.; but take all this away - and we often value a person at nothing, as the simplest thing. One must love a person for his immortal soul, created in the image and likeness of God, regardless of whether the person is beautiful or ugly in face, rich or poor, benefactor or enemy, friend or stranger, fellow citizen or foreigner. We are self-loving, not God-loving and humane. We love ourselves both in God and in our neighbor, but we must love God in ourselves, as well as in our neighbor; to love yourself and your neighbor for God, and God for Himself and most of all. They love God with all their soul and with all their heart and with all their strength when they sacrifice for Him everything that is dear, all earthly blessings, life itself. Such were the apostles, prophets, martyrs, hierarchs, saints, unmercenaries; They love their neighbor as they love themselves, when they wish for him and do the same as they would for themselves. Not to me, but to You, Lord, my brother sinned, and You forgive him - I myself sin against You without number and forgive everyone, forgiven endlessly by You. Say this when someone insults you, although as a priest, not as a person. Until now I have been working with corruption and dust - I mean greed, gluttony, vanity, hypocrisy, valuing the flesh, love of glory, although I see that all this is for a moment. Until now I have been chasing after ghosts, after dreams, I mean temporary blessings, although these ghosts torment, oppress, confuse me, darken me. Hitherto I am inexperienced in doing the commandments of Christ, hitherto I philosophize below and not above, I am still mad, despite the fact that the Lord raised me to the heavenly heights of the priesthood, making me the head of His throne, the performer of the Heavenly Mysteries, a fellow servant of the Angels. What is attractive on earth? – Incessant sin, frequent or constant spiritual wounds from spiritual serpents, incessant war and warfare. There is hardly a moment of peace; Only with complete turning to God, with sincere, tearful repentance, with heartfelt praise and thanksgiving to God, true peace and bliss are established in the soul. And the heart’s addiction to earthly beauty, to earthly splendor, wealth, to earthly sweets greatly hurts and torments the soul, while everything earthly seduces and attracts to itself. Earthly goods are sweetened poison pills. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is all for man [Eccl. 12, 13]. The thought and intention and constant efforts of the devil’s opponent are to seduce people with various earthly blessings and stick them to them, so that they do not love God and do not care about the salvation of their souls, for it is impossible to work for God and the world, dividing the soul, which is essentially simple and indivisible, between love for God and love for the world: either one will hate and love the other; or he will be zealous for one and neglectful of the other [Matt. 6, 24]. It is with this intention and desire of the enemy that we must constantly and daily fight, intensifying in every possible way the wisdom of the heavens, and not the earthly, constantly fighting with the belly, which used to captivate us every day, with fornication, covetousness or greed, love of beauty, with ambition, pride, vanity, malice, envy and other passions. July 6. Resurrection. I thank You, Lord my God, for through my prayer you have granted me the grace to celebrate the early liturgy with warmth of heart, an exalted soul, with tears, with peace, freedom of spirit, with boldness and loudness; prayer service - the same. He who does evil to another does it first of all to himself - all the more so one must pity him, as he is insane and exposes his soul to the wrath of God and eternal destruction. You need to correct him with love and patience, and not with passion and anger. The latter will not improve, but will harm the matter. Look at a person with pure eyes, as a vessel constructed by God’s hands and God’s wisdom, and as a church of God. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells in you, which you have from God, and you are not your own? [ 1 Cor. 6, 19]. Only sin, this madness of the devil, for which a person works willfully or unwillingly, knowingly or unknowingly, is uncleanness and abomination. By chasing sensual pleasures, you will lose the grace of God - but woe to him who is naked from the grace of God! The beauty of the human face is a momentary ghost, however, pointing to the infinite wisdom of God and the ineffable beauty and kindness of the face of God. People must be loved in God and for God, with all purity. Everything that is sung and read in church prayers and hymns about the Lord and the Mother of God, all the countless and ineffably great blessings and miracles, is the truth: we can only listen, be surprised, give thanks, and hope. Pay attention to smoking tobacco in terms of harm in every way: regarding fires, health, children and other things. Do not, under any circumstances, be embittered against anyone, even if someone slandered you, or concealed and concealed your merits and merits before your superiors, or otherwise offended, or blasphemed the good name bestowed upon you, or took away yours, or reviled you, or clearly despised and hated you, or persecuted you and did not give you peace - and not only do not be embittered, but pray from the bottom of your heart for pity them as lost and perishing. July 13th. Saturday. Another week. He served the all-night vigil in the cathedral. Strong temptation; intense grief and distress; the kindled arrows of the evil one pierced me; The troubles of hell surrounded me, my soul became entangled in the nets of hell, and plunged into the abyss of sin, especially because of satiety. But what won’t church prayer do? The Kingdom of Heaven is taken by force, and powerful seekers take it away [Matt. 11, 12; OK. 16, 16]. This happened to me too. After intense, unceasing prayer for salvation, the Lord extended a helping hand to me - and saved me and snatched me from the clutches of the hellish dragon, who filled me with anger at the archpriest for concealing the number of my catechetical conversations before the authorities in the clergy report for six months. I prayed to the Lord to grant me indestructible innocence in the face of all attacks on me by enemies and to love them as if they were incited by the chief of evil - the devil, just as I am incited to anger against my neighbors by him. I prayed to the Lord to grant me wisdom to fulfill His commandments - the wisdom of kindness, humility, patience, abstinence, non-covetousness, purity, simplicity, benevolence and other things. Who has true love for himself? One who tries in every possible way to restore in himself the fallen image of God through the rejection of passions and the establishment of all virtue in himself; who does not enslave his immortal, godlike spirit to earthly vanity, earthly vain wisdom, earthly honors, pleasures, earthly wealth, and so on; who cleaves in every possible way to his prototype God, the source of life and immortality, and does not serve the creature more than the Creator. God is love [1 John. 4, 8]. God is the Father, of which the whole family in heaven and on earth is worthless [Eph. 3, 15]. Therefore, one should be especially jealous of mutual love. By judging your neighbor and speaking with malicious joy about his weaknesses, sins, and shortcomings, you first of all defile and wound yourself, cause spiritual death to your soul, become an enemy of God and an accomplice of the devil, who alone tends to rejoice over evil. Acting in accordance with reason and the Gospel, shouldn’t we look first of all at ourselves, at our weaknesses, passions, shortcomings, at our scabs and mental ulcers and, looking condescendingly at our weaknesses, also look condescendingly at the weaknesses and infirmities of others; forgiving ourselves outbursts of anger, pride, envy, love of money, greed, arrogance, partiality, wickedness, forgive them to others and pray to God for them, as we pray for ourselves when, having sinned before God and people, we are wounded by our conscience and, languishing in our souls, repent before God, asking His mercy and peace? After all, our neighbors are our members: their well-being is our well-being, their misfortune, passion, sin, illness is our ill-being. Oh, the greatness of the episcopal and priestly rank and its beneficialness for earthly beings: he is entrusted with the continuation of the work of Jesus Christ and the apostles. We especially need to refrain from condemning our shepherds and archpastors who bear the dignity of Christ; We must especially pray for them, so that God will allow them to bear the burden of their service and carry out this high service with dignity. If you practice wisdom according to the Gospel, then your enemies will not harm you in the least, but will only become the culprits of your eternal well-being and salvation. Do not only repay evil for evil and annoyance for annoyance, but on the contrary, bless, pray, knowing that for this you are called a Christian - from the kindly Christ, to this you are called and will inherit for this the blessing of God and eternal bliss, according to this voice: come, blessed of My Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world [Matt. 25, 34]. You have a chance to be patient - show it, don’t miss the opportunity to receive a reward for it. We all walk before the Knower of the Heart and the righteous Judge. My stupid, evil, proud and stubborn heart: not only am I angry with my archpriest and Father Matthew and the sexton of Kamenograd, but also with the Metropolitan himself - for their slandering me or reprimanding me for my disorders, of which I am not aware. After this, trust your heart, follow its anger! Commit yourself, each other and your whole life to Christ God - our Head and Savior and our Judge. The image is the ineffable glory of God, His Grace Metropolitan Isidore 100, even if he bears the wounds of sins, have pity and pain and pray for him as for yourself; have pity, even if you did not see his change towards you, trampling on your pride and considering yourself worthy of his obstinate treatment of you - for there is a ruler. Remember the Last Judgment, the last and the humanity that awaits it. And you, the image of the ineffable glory of God, although you bear the wounds of sins, see the sameness of nature and infirmities, the same height and the same humility: we are worthy of mutual pity and respect. Flee from earthly glory, despising it, and it will seek you; seek heavenly, incorruptible glory - and heavenly and earthly glory will come to you. The enemy of our salvation incites us to chase after earthly glory, after earthly rewards, distinctions, crosses, formal blessings of the Synod - and fools us with them and completely removes us from heavenly wisdom, from the honor of a heavenly calling, from the inner glory generated by secret virtue, just as he fools us with earthly wealth, earthly sweets and outfits, humiliating and perverting us thereby our God-like, heavenly nature. How can you believe when you receive glory from each other, but do not seek the glory that is from the One God? [In. 5, 44]. We strive to be well marked in the formal list, but we don’t think about how we are marked in our own hearts, in our conscience, as we are marked by the impartial and bright Angels, by God Himself. Will our formulary lists be needed at the Last Judgment? Are our formulary lists needed by the people among whom and to whom we serve? Not needed. The people need us in person, in life, in deeds, and not based on formal reviews of us. This is a conditional and temporary form. In the formal lists, great villains and unrighteous people are often noted beautifully. So, be wise on heaven: seek heavenly glory, generated by true virtue, love for God and humanity, and not earthly glory. Give up your ego. Don't flatter yourself. In conscience, you deserve not praise, but blame, not reward, but punishment. I am worthy of all condemnation and torment, you say daily in prayer 101. Humble yourself before God and people, consider yourself worse than everyone else and below everyone, and don’t chase awards. Don't you see that by chasing awards, you reveal your sinful pride and pride, and elevate yourself? Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and everyone who humbles himself will be exalted [Lk. 18, 14]. Servant, say, I am invincible, as if I should have created, I have created [Lk. 17, 10]. Don't worry about forms. Take care of your soul - forms will be included. Glory follows true virtue like a shadow follows the body. Lord, give reason and help! Glory to the Divine Mysteries, strengthening my soul and body! If I don’t liturgize for a week or three or four days, I become weak in spirit; the old man begins to gain strength; lusts and passions appear, and when I begin to serve, I always have to experience extreme weakness of spirit and body, weakness of voice, etc., endure the most fierce struggle with internal enemies; but after worthy communion of the Divine Mysteries, I instantly come to life, calm down, strengthen, and receive grace before God and people. Glory to the Holy Divine immortal and life-giving Mysteries of Christ! A wonderful day of the Lord’s bounty: today (July 14) the Lord sent the guarantor’s income four rubles and fifty kopecks. Wonderful providence for those who give alms: I only gave out two rubles and kopecks, but I received four rubles and kopecks! (Prayer with the cross, at Kovrigina’s; he gave communion to the old woman Matrona Egorovna, Grechukhin’s mother, and gave a prayer to the mother in labor on the mountain.) Marina Iv. She was offended that it was noticed to her that the prosphora was unleavened. It’s better not to notice, but to endure. Truly, I alone am angry - no one else. Let me flee from malice more diligently, and pursue grace. Is it the beauty of whose face that seduces you and turns your heart away from God, for it is impossible to combine carnal love with spiritual love? But God is indescribable beauty, the author of all earthly and heavenly beauty. Is food and drink sweet? God is infinite sweetness, and earthly sweetness is minute. Is the robe precious and beautiful? God is a bright robe. Is it earthly honor? God has an incomparable honor - the son and heir of God. Does the visible light deceive you? God is an ineffable, unapproachable light. Is wealth earthly? God has all wealth. God is every good. Cling to Him alone with all your undivided heart - and everything will be added to you. The inner life of people: how many sorrows, petty passions, disputes, internal wars, zeal, and mutual questioning! The enemy constantly steals our heart and our salvation, occupying us with earthly rubbish. It is useful and necessary for your enemies to live and tempt you - why do you wish them harm and death? Do you really want to settle on earth with only your friends? And then the stench of passions will remain in you: there will be no one to disturb and detect it. Only enemies or true friends can bring out our shortcomings: some out of malice, others out of good will and out of friendly love and wisdom. Do not wish for all your enemies to be destroyed. Then there will be no reasons for patience and no crowns prepared for patience. Just as in natural life we ​​need bitter and sweet, sour and unleavened, salty and without salt, so in spiritual life we ​​need friends and enemies, joys and sorrows, fears and boldness. If your boss tells you to do something against your will and you consider his will to be illegal, then do not be indignant, do not be angry and do not be angry with him and do not say: what is this like? I will not carry out such orders! - but, remaining calm, go to him yourself and meekly and reasonably talk to him about the misunderstanding - and you will see that he himself will humbly cancel his order, and you will thus avoid disobedience, resistance, anger, stubbornness, which could bring a lot of evil and unnecessary embarrassment upon you. Observe the same in relation to your relatives: be submissive to them and do not be angry with them when they demand something contrary to your will. Act meekly and wisely in everything, not allowing violent and blind passions to act within you. It often happens that the more unworthy someone is, the more he desires rewards and distinctions for himself, while those who are worthy, thinking about themselves humbly, evangelically, consider themselves not worthy of any rewards, saying: we are worthless slaves, because we did what we had to do [Lk. 17, 10]. The greatest holiness in all life is required of a priest who sincerely partakes of the Most Pure Mysteries of the Lord Jesus Christ. Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of hosts [Isa. 6, 3]. With these and similar words, everyone who names the name of the Lord is encouraged to live holy lives. Be holy, for holy am I the Lord your God [Lev. 19, 2]. Angry, obstinate, you say, such and such a boss or a person in general. That’s why you have pity on him, and pray for him from the bottom of your heart, and don’t be angry with him, don’t be indignant, don’t have contempt, hatred, or bile towards him: anger and other passions are our common mental weakness, common illness, misfortune. To be embittered by the evil and obstinate is madness, extreme harm and spiritual destruction for yourself. Anger often comes from satiety and contentment in everything. To be angry with someone who is angry is the same as to beat someone who has been beaten. The devil leads us all into anger. Do not think that God needs your prayer - it is urgently needed for you, and God is urgently needed for you. Prayer is God's greatest blessing to you. Bear burdens not only for the poor, but also for the rich on occasion, without compensation and without annoyance. God will reward you. Annoyance when bearing a burden for a neighbor shows a lack of love and patience and a tendency towards selfishness. Work because work is useful and necessary for yourself, and do not think that you work for others and for [others], but for yourself and for yourself. July 16. Wednesday. Matins. Another week. Today, the ethereal villain attacked me instantly and defeated me when I looked at the reader Vasily who entered the church Kamenogradsky, who opposed me in the altar during Lent, when I ordered him (in a vague and evil spirit) to stay and learn the morning service. How confused and paralyzed I was by this anger! His heart became darkened, his strength left him; sorrow, hellish fire, and oppression enveloped me; the spirit of malice attacked me like a whirlwind and shook me, but I prayed and resisted it: I prayed for the reader Vasily, so that the Lord would have mercy on him, admonish him, so that he would not die for my sake and I for his sake. Am I not pathetic, possessed and raped by an enemy against my will? Shouldn't we also have compassion on a brother who sins according to the teachings of the devil? Shouldn't he be patient and long-suffering? But I don’t have enough patience, not just long-suffering. Longsuffering is the first sign of love, according to the Apostle: Love is patient, kind, and so on [1 Cor. 13, 4]. Several times I fell to the throne - and the anger barely left me; even until now its consequences have not been completely erased in my soul: until now it is still shocked and confused. What is more absurd and more deadly than malice - and yet we succumb to it! Oh, madness, darkness, powerlessness for good! Oh, malice! And how mad is the evil one! Although the brother with whom we are angry approaches us with humility, we still persist in anger, just as when he does not approach us to greet us, we also bear anger against him. Is it not because we are angry with him that he has many inclinations of goodness, because of which the devil drives him through us, and we thus become instruments of his malice? In any case, it is obvious that anger is the devil himself, and anyone who is angry with a brother, even one who has insulted us and opposed us, is a servant of the devil. Remember the gentle Jesus Christ, who with meekness and kindness endured so much insolence from people and prayed for them. Be patient and pray, and do not serve the enemy. Destroy evil with good, not evil. July 16. I thank the Lord, who heard my prayer for the reader Vasily of Kamenograd and miraculously changed him, making him humble: with what a well-ordered heart and voice he read and sang today’s Vespers, with what a humble mood of spirit! This is what I wanted, this is what I prayed for. I thank the Lord, who reconciled me with this reader. Removing particles from the prosphora for someone and praying before the Bloodless Sacrifice has great power. As for a weak person (not just a metropolitan), I prayed today for Bishop Isidore - and I hope that it is fruitful, by the grace of God; his soul knows this, and my heart trusts in this. The All-Perfect God created everything perfect and beautiful, so that everything is good [Gen. 1, 31], as He Himself testified at the end of creation. But the Lord bestowed special perfections on earth on the crown of creation - man, creating him in His image and likeness and giving him commandments, with the voluntary fulfillment of which he could preserve and elevate the given perfections in himself and elevate his bliss, and if not fulfilled, he could lose them and distort himself and completely perish. The very perfection of God. not tolerating imperfection in a rational creature or anywhere else, demanded strict and unforgiving fulfillment of the Creator’s laws; God’s very love for His image and likeness—man—demanded the strict fulfillment of creative laws, because just as the perfection of man and his bliss depended on their fulfillment, so from non-fulfillment he inevitably had to become imperfect, had to be disfigured, perverted, become unhappy and perish. Therefore, not only to man, but to everything in the world, laws are given to all creatures - rational and irrational, animate and inanimate, which are fulfilled by rational beings intelligently and freely (or not fulfilled), and by irrational and inanimate creatures - blindly and necessarily. The beauty, life, order, and well-being of creatures depend on the fulfillment of these laws of the Creator, and deviation from them entails ugliness, disorder, and their death, for you are all called through the word from non-existence to being by the Creator and adhere to His word, His laws. If the sun or the earth and other planets deviated even one line from the order indicated by the Creator, this deviation would entail [general] disorder and destruction; similarly, in the moral world, the obvious lawlessness of one, especially important person, entails the lawlessness of many, and depravity, spiritual and physical destruction of many occurs. Therefore, both in the natural world and in the moral world, strict execution of the laws of the Creator is necessary, strict punishment is necessary for violation of them by moral beings, Gehenna, or eternal fire, is necessary for unrepentance, for they trampled upon the eternal laws of the Creator, His endless patience, His endless truth, His endless mercy, revealed in sending His Only Begotten Son to earth, in His self-exhaustion for saving the world. July 18. I thank the Lord, who has granted me this day the grace to celebrate the Divine Liturgy with a warm feeling and with much strength, as 102 to be moved by the entire large church assembly, and to partake without condemnation of the Divine Mysteries; also, without stumbling, perform a prayer service with the blessing of water to the holy martyr Paraskeva in its entirety and defeat the machinations of the opponent. I thank the Lady, who delivered me from the evil ones during Matins and the holy prayer after Matins, when the cleric Vasily of Kamenograd did many dirty tricks with his voice in order to irritate me: my soul melted and disappeared among the evil ones, but the Lady and the holy martyr Paraskeva, through my prayer, interceded me from the fierce fighter, as if their help was manifest. Glory to the faith of Christ, with the help of which I overcome the hellish tightness and fiery dirty tricks of the enemy, his kindled arrows. July 19. I thank the Lord, who, through my prayer, gave me the grace to perform Matins peacefully and without stumbling and to repel all the attacks of the evil one at the beginning. I thank the Lord, who repeatedly had mercy on me in the morning hours, on the street and in my apartment, when I cried out to Him in the outrage of passions (sweets), sparing my brother sweets. How long will this thorn be in me? How long will it cause another sting - the sting of anger, envy, despondency? You realize that it is absurd, but you sin. How the enemy corrupts with sin our soul, created in the image of God, which must live by God and in God and place all our trust in Him. Can man live by bread alone? Have I not experienced a thousand times that my life is in God? But in the meantime, what happens? The mere clink of glasses, spoons and plates due to the enemy’s influence often outrages and hurts us severely when our free parasites eat and drink without us. Oh, the absurdity! Crazy! Density, corruption! I sing a song of victory to You, O Lord, for You, strong in the battle of the King of Glory, have defeated the invisible enemies in me, who fiercely, after a day’s rest, fought me during and after the meal with greed, pity, and envy. This is what the enemy does for us, or we make our own belly and food a god, this is what we cling to with our hearts! This is why we lose love for God and neighbor and constantly violate the commandments of the Lord! This is why the love of many dries up! How shallow, insincere, changeable our piety is: the slightest temptation overthrows it; Here is a man praying, being touched by his soul, crying about his sins; but the prayer is over: he leaves the church or from the house, he meets a beggar, asks him for significant alms, for example, money to buy an ax or a shirt and other things - and our prayer book suddenly changes: from a lamb he becomes a wolf, he is furious at the one asking: how dare you ask me for such money, where can I get it, but you are a parasite, a sloth, and so on in a similar tone and spirit. Where did piety, prayer, tears go? Or the same person, even 103 pious, meets a person whom he dislikes for some reason - and in his heart he again has confusion and hatred instead of love and condescension; or a neighbor came to him to eat his bread and salt or tea and sugar, who often visits him - and he is again confused and annoyed, he feels sorry for his neighbor's gifts (precisely gifts: everything is given freely) of God; or here he is, after prayer, at a dinner somewhere - and greedily eats and drinks, gorges himself and gets drunk. Where is our heavenly wisdom? Where is unchanging piety, where are heavenly morals? Where is the change of heart? Where is the consistency in godliness? I see in man malice, pride, envy, stinginess, greed, intemperance, fornication, love of money and covetousness. Or he meets a rich neighbor, a colleague, who has a full cup, as they say, of everything, a cornucopia - and cannot restrain himself from envy and blasphemy; meets beautiful faces - and looks at them with lust. The reason for all these sinful transformations is the heart’s attachment to this life and its blessings. He fell into the sin of greed and stinginess: he regretted the Kyiv liqueur for Grigory Ivanovich, Anna Konstantinovna and Alexei Konstantinovich, and became angry with his wife, and plunged himself into fiery sorrow and cramped conditions. What a curse, selfishness! I don’t spare sweets for myself, but I do for my neighbor, and I violate my love for them, and I insult them internally, although not to their eyes, but their souls sense my dislike and greed. I have sinned against the Lord! But the Lord’s Providence is marvelous: that same evening the generous Lord sent me two rubles as an income guarantee, and the liqueur was returned to me in abundance; The Lord seems to be saying: just live in love and do not spare anything for each other, just as I did not spare My Son for you or as Jesus Christ did not spare Himself and gave Himself for food and drink. How do we value something that costs nothing, something that shouldn’t be valued, just as we value decay and dust - food and drink, clothing, money, etc.? How do we consider a ghost as reality, a dream as reality, a dream as truth, and invent many other gods that do not give life, but cause death to the soul? How do we feel sorry for something we shouldn’t feel sorry for? How can we not feel sorry for our neighbor, whom we should feel sorry for? O, earthly sting, demonic sting! On everything earthly it is clearly written: corruption, but we, blinded by the enemy, often do not see this inscription and chase corruption as if it were something eternal, but we despise eternal blessings, eternal life, we are negligent about eternal virtue, we despise immortal souls, both our own and our neighbors. I have been appointed by God as a preacher of incorruptible life and the Kingdom of Heaven, but you are all diligently chasing after corruption and forgetting incorruptible life, incorruptible virtue, incorruptible soul - what is the loss for you from this? Countless, terrible, unrewarded. It is better to lose all your possessions, to lose your earthly life [in a painful way], than to lose your soul, the Kingdom of Heaven. July 20. I thank the Lord, who gave me the grace to perform the liturgy in the Assumption Church without stumbling and to overthrow the enemy who fought me with embarrassment and anger at the sexton of Kamenograd, who deliberately behaved indecently during the liturgy of the faithful in the altar in order to irritate me or God. Considering this the dirty trick of the enemy, I despised this act of the impolite and rude cleric, leaving it to the righteous God to judge him, and, by the grace of God, I calmed down and calmly spoke at the great entrance to all the faces of the royal house, and performed the entire mass without stumbling, although in a weak voice. I give thanks to the Lord who is strong in battle. We should not be discouraged by any trouble or danger, illness, persecution, failure to fulfill our desires, but submit to circumstances or, more importantly, to God and His holy will, for despondency and cowardice are sin, madness, harm, a new trouble, illness of the spirit, and illness cannot be cured by illness, trouble by trouble, on the contrary, it will intensify the already existing trouble, illness. An idol is one’s own face or someone else’s, when someone looks at his own face in a mirror or without a mirror at someone else’s: his heart departs from the Lord and makes himself an idol or others. Appreciate in a person what is in him in the image and likeness. Mikhailo Egorovich (the one who goes to Ivan Afanasyevich), apparently, is the fiscal of the Metropolitan of St. Petersburg. He visits all churches, travels everywhere, observes, judges all clergy, knows everyone. It’s good for the metropolitan to have such a living newspaper: he knows everything about everyone, through one person or [so] through several. You can pay good money to such people. July 27. Sunday. I thank the Lord, who granted grace through my prayer, although with considerable difficulty, to sincerely celebrate the Divine Liturgy in the Assumption Church with tears and to partake of the Holy Mysteries without condemnation, for peace and strength of spiritual strength, for the purification and sanctification of soul and body, for health. The names of the royal persons were pronounced at the great entrance. I felt that my ministry was powerful: the whole church was prostrated with emotion. Glory to God, glory to the power of God, made perfect in weakness! I thank the Lord, who reflected the surge of the devil’s malice into my heart by quickly raising my heart’s eyes to the Lord when I went out to the royal prayer service and stood with Archpriests Paul and Matthew. All of us - the brothers of the church and the servants of God, great and small - help each other, bear each other’s burdens, do one thing - glorify the Lord, and therefore we should all always live in mutual harmony, love and respect, so that we all worthily praise the Lord and serve as a good example to our flock or parishioners. Passions, and especially anger, work in us and depress us every day! How much we still do for hell! Do you tangibly recognize God’s love, wisdom and omnipotence in the creation of infinitely varied and sweet fruits for our food and pleasure, and do you thank and glorify Him? And, most importantly, do you rise to the vision of endless, eternal, imperishable sweets in heaven? Do you live in mutual love, do you help each other? Are you not trying to take possession of everything on your own, without giving to others? Are you not spending too much on your flesh, since others are able to spend three, four, or five thousand rubles a year in fits of luxury? Saturation weakens the heart, making it rude, cruel, capable of any disturbance of passions. The devil daily steals from the hearts the consciousness and sense of spiritual truths, or faith, hope and love, and impresses everything worldly and sinful, sinful images, feelings, aspirations, deeds. The whole difficulty of fighting sin lies in every moment being on guard of your heart and thoughts and diligently mentally counteracting every sinful movement of the heart or thought, for sin is subtle and quick, like lightning, like a thought, and, quickly and subtly entering the soul, like the sting of a snake, instantly spills sinful, painful poison into it - if it is not reflected from the heart in an instant. The greatest part of sins occurs in us from sinful pride, from addiction to earthly things, to money, sweets, to earthly glory. Why is this anger that depresses us every day, this consuming envy? - From pride, willfulness and stubbornness, from addiction to temporary, perishable goods. Deny yourself, despise, enslave your belly to the spirit - and anger, envy, pride, and self-will will be destroyed by themselves, and you will taste heavenly peace here on earth. Bear with joy the burdens of others for God and for the sake of future reward. Constantly resist the self-loving, wayward and lazy flesh. The devil managed to deeply strengthen passions in us through daily practice: they grew and thickened in the heart, like the roots of a large tree, or were driven in like thorns, like nails. Great spiritual self-interest is love for one’s neighbor, manifested daily in forgiveness of insults, in helpfulness, in meekly enduring deeds that we do not like at home, in rejecting selfishness, in humility, and in willingly giving alms. Here you serve God every day, stand at the throne, perform the heavenly Mysteries, glorify the Lord, read so many prayers, strive, apparently, in the Christian life; but now I will puzzle you with an immodest question: with such heavenly service, with participation in such Sacraments, is there a place in your heart for malice, pride, envy, love of money, gluttony, fornication, laziness? - So, you have not given up any anger, no pride, no envy, no love of money, no gluttony, no lust, no laziness. Aren't you irresponsible? Are you not worthy of a thousand torments with such God's care for you, assistance with you, with such Divine powers in you? If the powers that were shown in you had been shown in Tire and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes... and if the powers that were shown in you had been shown in Sodom, it would have remained to this day [Matt. 11, 21, 23]. What is almsgiving? – Transfer of perishable property from the vagina of decaying to non-decaying, exchange of impoverished property for non-decaying property. July 28th day, 1869. Monday. July 30. Wednesday. I cried out to the Lord with full hope that the rain would stop, and within five to ten minutes the sky brightened. I also prayed to the Lord with hope about the construction of the House of Diligence. The Lord will fulfill this request too. In the Lord Jesus I hope to get what I want. A person, whom we hate for some reason, walks meekly, calmly, does not swear, does not fight, does not take away, and we hate him, even sometimes where? - in the church. Isn't this the enemy's business? Isn't it crazy on our part? Should we not resist the enemy with all our might, with all our hearts, and not deprive our brother, as our member, of due love? Even if he reviled us, took away from us, then we should love him, for he is spiritually sick, he is a victim of the enemy, he is in his destructive snares. But aren’t we the only ones still sick – with pride, hatred, contempt? Didn't we pour the poison of malice into our brother's heart? Love softens and disposes, but anger repels. What kindness of the human being, created in the image of God, restored and renewed after the Fall by the grace of Christ, the grace of the Sacraments! How holy people of God shine, smell fragrant, and even more shine and smell fragrant in eternity, in the Kingdom of the Heavenly Father! And we are careless, we defile ourselves with sins and addictions! Oh, what a pity! Oh, damnation and neglect, worthy of countless tears! Everything is in You, Lord, Most Holy Lady Theotokos, fulfilling all things in all [1 Cor. 15, 28 ]; everything is in you, the Lord, the holy Archangels and Angels; everything is in you, the Lord, holy men of God, you are all clothed in Him, adorned with His Divine glory. Pray to the Lord that we may be worthy of this glory. The devil, not being able to harm the Lord Himself, harms His image on earth - man: both directly and through the same people, filled with his wickedness, through their malice, hatred, envy, covetousness, gluttony, drunkenness, fornication, resentment, murder, false witness. Violation of every commandment expresses enmity towards God and neighbor, devilish enmity; every sin is, one might say, a declaration of war on God or an open rebellion against God. Every sin distorts the image of God in us. How we must avoid sin, which distorts such a dear, majestic image in us! Just as the Lord’s love for Himself is infinite, for His lightness, holiness, His endless perfections and for His image, so majesticly and artistically depicted in man, so infinite must be our love for the holiness of God, in which we were created, in which, after losing it through the Fall, we were restored, so must be infinitely great our love for the moral law, or for the commandments of God, which are His expression the most holy will regarding our holiness. For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from fornication [1 Thess. 4, 3]. I have no love for Father Archpriest and Father Matthew, that I don’t want to bear burdens for nothing, but they bear them for me: masses were served, prayer services. Marriage is the sowing of a seed. Wonderful are Your works, O Lord, holy and wise! Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind [Lk. 10:27], that is, so that your whole heart, your whole soul, all your thoughts and strengths are occupied with God, always directed towards God, so that your heart and thoughts are never alienated from the Lord God, never in word or deed move away from the Creator, Who, being everything for us, must be loved by us completely, undividedly. For us He is all in spirit, and He is all in matter for us - for He is both spirit and matter. Everything must be expedient in our lives, that is, in accordance with the goals that He has prescribed. And the first and last goal is He Himself, the Creator of all creatures. There is no God in all his thoughts, says Psalm 9:25. He who has My commandments and keeps them, he who loves Me... whoever loves Me will keep My word [Jn. 14, 21, 23] - His word, in contrast to the word of the devil, the malicious violator and corrupter of the laws of God and the destroyer of God’s creatures, especially men. Reason, order, purpose, necessarily presupposed by the moral law, or commandments, testify to the existence of the all-wise, most holy, all-good and all-powerful Lawgiver. Keep within yourself in every possible way the realm of thought and feeling and will, not allowing vain, empty, gluttonous, covetous, nasty, crafty, blasphemous, proud, disgusting, envious thoughts, evil, sad or prodigal feelings, evil, irritable, lustful wills to nest and turn within you. By keeping the inner in order, you will preserve yourself outside, in the outer world - in words and deeds. Guard your heart above all else, for from it are the springs of life [Prov. 4, 23]. From within, from the human heart, come evil thoughts, adultery, fornication, false witness, blasphemy... all this... defiles a person [Mk. 7, 21–23]. God! Cleanse...the inside of the cup and the dish, so that their outside may also be clean [Matt. 23, 26]. The Lord commands us to firmly adhere to His commandments 1) out of love for His wisdom, goodness and power, expressed in these commandments, and 2) out of love for His rational creatures, created in His image and likeness, to the image of His glory, in order to preserve, renew what was corrupted by passions, enlighten, deify and bless this image, making it conformable to Himself. The Lord will transform our lowly body so that it will be consistent with His glorious body [Phil. 3, 21]. The righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father [Matt. 13, 43]. For this, He commands us to know Him, not to make idols, not to take His name in vain, to remember the Sabbath day and the day of atonement, or His rising from the grave, and other days of His redemptive appearances and deeds; to honor parents, not to kill, not to commit adultery, not to steal, not to bear false witness, not to covet the things of others [Ex. 20, 2–17]. Speaking about the commandments, I must reveal to you, [brothers], all our sinfulness, the unwashed truth of God and the judgment to which it will subject us in case of unrepentance, and arouse a thirst for their fulfillment. It is not difficult to study the commandments of God, which are contained in ten words, or commandments, which is why they are called ten words - we must urgently fulfill them, for the Lord commanded us to keep them firmly. But what a pity! Many, many do not even know them, although everyone, young and old, should certainly know them. And without knowing the commandments of God - while everyone’s mind and conscience are darkened by sins, the heart constantly exudes sinful thoughts, the will strives for evil - is it possible to avoid sin, will we not continually fall from sin to sin? Meanwhile, for the Lord it is an abomination and one unrighteous thought, sin and every idle word, an unkind intention - how much more is a bad deed; and the Lord at that Terrible Judgment Seat will punish 104 not only for deeds, but also for words and thoughts. So, speaking about the commandments of God and about our constant violation of them and about the coming Judgment of the world, I must arouse in all of you the saving fear of God with a sincere and firm intention to firmly study and urgently fulfill them with the help of God, and I will pronounce the words of the Lord: He who has ears to hear, let him hear! [Matt. 11, 15, etc.]. The sensibility, or one’s heart, must be protected like the apple of one’s eye from addiction to earthly things, for these addictions harden it and dry up love for God and neighbor: one must avoid burdening the belly with food and drink, avoid unnecessary rest or sleep, do not care to the last detail about health, so as not to tolerate anything even the slightest harmful to oneself and to be upset at those who cause us the slightest harm. nuisance, such as smoking or emitting a stench; avoid addiction to clothing, for this addiction can drive love for God and neighbor out of the heart; It was not in vain that it was noted about the Forerunner that he wore clothes made of camel's hair and a leather belt [Matt. 3, 4; Mk. 1, 6]: this shows that in his heart there was not the slightest predilection for clothing and appearance in general, and all attention was occupied with the inside, the whole heart was inseparably devoted to God, while we are more concerned with the outside, neglecting the inner, God-shaped tabernacle, the inner church of God - the heart. Love your neighbor as yourself, says the law of God [Lev. 19, 18; Matt. 19, 19; 22, 39; Mk. 12, 31]. And every person recognizes, desires and demands from other people the kind of love they have for themselves. This desire is expressed often. For example, they say: he took the best part for himself, but gave me the worst, or: he himself eats more, and gives me less, or: he eats this and that, but does not give it to me, or: he goes for a walk, but does not take me with him, or: he lives richly, but does not want to give me even a little, or: he does this and that to others, but not to me. In these and similar expressions, the desire is expressed that we be loved by other people the way they love themselves or others, those close to them or friends and relatives, that they do with us as they do with others - loved and respected, that they do for us what they do for themselves. I sinned against my brother by despising him when he gave thanks for the bread and salt. What kind of pride? What kind of greed? Is this my bread and salt? Isn't it God's? Does my brother eat and drink? Isn't it God's? What have I done to deserve God's goodness? Is it your sins? Alas! Alas for me, wretched, poor, beggarly, blind and naked, who always exposes himself to the grace of God! What a pity the poor little ones deserve, who daily collect alms for boots or shoes, for a shirt and other clothes, for rent for space in a house - somewhere in the basement or on a tower. At such an innocent, tender age, they need to meet affection and contentment in the parental home, as happens with the children of wealthy parents, and they already have to worry about feeding themselves, about clothing for themselves and encounter abuse and sometimes beatings from hard-hearted people, since their pitiful appearance often arouses in well-fed people not pity, but anger, for their hearts from satiety and covetousness have become petrified and proud, and they - oh, terrible perversion! - they pity not people, but soulless metal, not their own members and Christ’s, redeemed by the blood of God, but sweets and money and clothes. I saw a wealthy man who yesterday bought himself berries and granulated sugar for jam for ten silver rubles, and today, leaving the yard to repay the debt for this delicacy to the merchant, and meeting a poor boy and girl, with displeasure he gave them only three kopecks, and when they, dissatisfied with this, chased after him to ask for more, he became angry and tore the boy by the hair, telling him not to often bothered me with his requests. But the poor man had neither boots, nor clothes, and nothing to give for lodging. Aren't many of us like this? Meanwhile, we need daily alms to atone for our voluntary and involuntary sins. It is said, redeem your sins with alms and your iniquities with the generosity of the poor [Dan. 4, 24]. Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy [Matt. 5, 7]. Judgment without mercy to those who showed no mercy; mercy exalts itself over judgment [Jas. 2, 13]. O priest! What you pray to the Lord for in the clarification prayers both before and after the baby’s baptism, try to fulfill this yourself first: so that you yourself may become what you want the baby to be according to the guidance and thought of the Church. A great thing is a man, a great thing is a priest! Oh, how great! July 30. Yesterday, while reading the Gospel at a prayer service with Lieutenant Colonel Goremykin, the enemy confused and weakened my heart with lustful thoughts and doubts. We must boldly look everyone in the eye and impute nothing to ghosts and demonic dirty tricks; You must enslave your belly, watch, pray, read the word of God more often with meditation. It's not people who are bad, it's us. So, it is in vain to have heartfelt bile against people, against our bosses, against colleagues, neighbors, and relatives. Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not feel the beam in your own eye?.. Hypocrite! First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye [Matt. 7, 3, 5]. I have no sincere love for my neighbor, because there is no self-sacrifice: if a brother eats and drinks what is mine and does not want to serve me, I hate him and am upset. My love is selfish. “Take him, take him, crucify him!” Whom? - An old man. “Shall I crucify your king?” – The old man reigns in us, for the most part takes precedence over the spirit, over the new man, and dominates him through various passions. But nevertheless, it is absolutely necessary to crucify him, otherwise he will destroy his soul; then our spirit will come to life when the old man is crucified and dies. Is not the life more than food, and the body than clothing? [Matt. 6, 25]. But we still pay a lot of attention to food and clothing, and less to the soul. I must seek the Kingdom of God, which is within us [Lk. 17, 21], and I am looking for distinctions, rewards, exaltation, earthly splendor, in order to hide the inner sinful darkness and stench, baseness, insignificance and in order to dream more of myself as a worthy person, although I am a worthless person. Self-love and pride lurk within me, and when I am tempted or deprived of expected honor and reward, they disturb, worry, and make me angry. I must trample on the serpent of pride and be content with what I have, considering myself unworthy of this too. Earthly rewards and distinctions are vain, as are often false and transitory thoughts that distract from the true reward in heaven; May the Lord Himself, the Righteous Judge, reward me if He finds anything good in me. Let me not give food to the enemy to swear at me, the heavenly ones. The priest of Christ must be above the thoughts and desires of earthly, human rewards. This is contrary to the spirit of Christ, the spirit of the Gospel. Blessed are you when they revile you [Matt. 5, 11]. I do not accept glory from men [John. 5, 41]. Correcting yourself is what you need. We must take care of inner peace, purity, dispassion of the heart for everything earthly, so that the Lord may continually rest in us and diligently shepherd human souls. How long will these mental beasts - our passions - deprive [us] of our Lord? How long has this idolatry lasted? How long will we prefer earthly rubbish to God and human glory to the glory of God? How long will we chase ghosts and abandon reality? I thank You, Lord, who has pacified my soul with this spiritual wisdom. Father Alexey ([...]) noticed that I have no humility. Bishop Isidore did an important thing: he established an almshouse and a school for spiritual orphans. His character - unkindness - is the same for everyone (from the spiritual whites). He did not even receive Bishop Palladius very kindly. May the Lord have mercy on him and soften his heart, making him a loving, meek, humble father. And let us know and correct ourselves, fearing even the thought of condemning our archpastor. Saint Irenaeus said that a priest who condemns his archpastor is unworthy of his rank. I sometimes condemn the archpastor for his obstinacy, and I myself am sometimes extremely obstinate. How can I not be forgiving of the weaknesses of others? If you want everyone to respect and love you, respect and love everyone yourself, especially the authorities appointed by God and the king, the legal authorities, make fervent prayers, supplications, petitions, thanksgivings for them, so that we may live a quiet and silent life in all piety and purity [1 Tim. 2, 2]. You condemned Vladyka Isidore for what he receives angrily and arrogantly, but you yourself get angry, even sometimes in church, not to mention at home with your family: you act like a cruel despot, demanding that everything be your way, and seething with anger when something is done contrary to your wishes. What is your desire? Nothing more than a whim. I must condemn and hate myself, but not others: because of extreme pride, we are at enmity with both God and our neighbors: food is not for us - we are at enmity, they eat and drink ours - we are at enmity, they don’t give us smart clothes - we are at enmity, they do not give honor - we are at enmity, they take our money - we are at enmity. For every person, the guide when eating and drinking is a) everyone’s natural instinct, which is also characteristic of animals, b) reason and c) experience; Guided by instinct, animals also know the measure and time of eating and drinking, although people gifted with reason are often worse than animals, allowing excesses. People who are always guided by reason and experience are always moderate and do not descend to animal greed, much less to excess. Grand Duke Alexander Alexandrovich (June 7, 1869 - May 2, 1870) - the second son of Grand Duke Alexander Alexandrovich, the future Emperor Alexander III, who died in infancy from meningitis. Metropolitan Isidore (Nikolsky) (1799–1892) – from 1860 to 1892. Metropolitan of Novgorod, St. Petersburg and Finland. The prayer of St. John of Damascus “Master of Humanity, is this bed not for me...” from the follow-up to the future sleep. Yako (Church Glav.) – so. Aki (Church Glav.) – as if. 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