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July 8, 1868 How merciful and quick to obey the Lord! On this day there was a deliberate service for the gift of rain and there was a religious procession to Petrovskaya Square. At the end of the liturgy and during the procession and prayer service, clouds began to walk across the sky and cover the sun; by midday everything seemed to have cleared up, and in the evening blue clouds began to appear again, and then it started to rain, at least a little; the sky was overcast with rain clouds. Glory to Thee, benevolent Lord of heaven and earth. For the sake of the prayers of our Most Pure Lady Theotokos, You sent us rain and rain clouds. Congregational prayer means a lot. A prayer service for the gift of rain was served at the request of the city mayor, Philip Stepanov. I have a stupid weakness - to be afraid of the powerful and rich of the world and secular dandies, especially during public or private prayer - at the sight of them; This is the meanest deceit of Satan: I am aware, I see, I feel. Like a speck of dust, it moves me around, like a reed, it shakes me with its hellish breath. But, Lord of hosts, strengthen me, Your servant! The enemy stopped me today when I was giving a prayer to the mother in labor, [Shikhov’s] wife, on Petrovskaya Street, and where? - During prayer, Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, the Most Holy Trinity and Our Father have hurt, oppressed, deprived of peace and tranquility, outraged, embittered. As a result, I became furious with the three small beggars when they were dissatisfied with the few kopecks I gave. Having shouted at them with rage and zeal (oh, damned one!), I gave them another ten kopecks for three. Do I give to them as others give to me? Others give to me generously, willingly, with kindness, but what about me? - Stingily, reluctantly, rudely. But isn’t it a burden for the soul to give, to give to me from others? Tune received, tune and yes I give [Matt. 10, 8]. You must not pray in a haphazard way, but through prayer you must correct and sanctify your heart; namely, to correct oneself from malice, pride, irritability, envy, stinginess, love of money, covetousness, luxury, gluttony, lust, laziness, slander, condemnation, despondency, murmuring, blasphemy, impatience, untruth, intemperance, theft, and other sins. A new person has arrived - and are you afraid of him? There is no new person - everyone is old, with old sins, with an extreme need for God's mercy. Is there anything that is not beautiful, pure or blessed that has been created by the Lord God? Why are you tempted by the sight of certain things or parts of the body? To the pure all things are pure; but for the defiled and unbelieving there is nothing pure, but their mind and conscience are defiled [Tit. 1, 15]. Do not be indignant at the disturbances caused by your subordinates, or parishioners, or foolish children in the church, but calmly and undisturbedly perform the divine service, even if someone began to cause disturbances with malicious intent. You must answer for yourself, and not for others, because older people have reason and their own will. Today, during Matins, I was outraged in spirit because of the sexton’s exit to smoke during the service and was completely upset, I could hardly serve: so the enemy the devil outraged, upset, embarrassed me, taking advantage of the occasion - the sexton’s exit from the church and tempting me to look at him returning. Oh, it would be better not to see! My heart wouldn't hurt. And yesterday I was indignant because of the screaming of children at the great entrance. Ridiculous again! We must educate the inner man, mortifying the outer man: and just as the inner man is educated and grows through prayer, fasting, vigil, and work, then we must pray unceasingly, read the word of God and the writings of the holy fathers, meditate ourselves, fast, watch, and work; The outer man, or carnal, sinful, is strengthened by gluttony, overeating and heavy drinking, long sleep, laziness in prayer and reading the Holy Scriptures, entertainment and idleness - and therefore it is necessary to mortify him - with rough food, and then meager, like the Forerunner, simple drinking, and then small, short sleep, incessant work, constant concentration, or concentration in oneself. People forget and seem to want to blot out everything that the Lord has done for our salvation: the divine service is performed in vain, the liturgy in remembrance of our Lord and God Jesus Christ is performed in vain - many do not go to mass at all; the reading of the Apostle and the Gospel is heard in vain - Christians are cold towards them and do not want to apply it to themselves and implement the wonderful and life-giving rules of the Gospel into their lives. I thank You, Lord my God, for You have given me the grace, yesterday and today, to perform the Divine Liturgy, Matins and Vespers with reverence and sincerity, and to partake of the Life-giving Mysteries without condemnation, for purification and sanctification, for the peace of my spiritual strength and for the health of my soul and body. July 25, 1868 During dinner, I sinned before the Lord - I regretted the whitefish and wine for my brother Alexei, because the whitefish was very tasty, and it seemed that the wine would soon be drunk, although it was inexpensive (65 kopecks). Strange thing! I don’t feel sorry for myself, but I feel sorry for my brother, although he has the same Divine right as I do. And who did I offend? First of all, myself, for sin hurt me first of all. And then who did I offend? Brother, in the image and likeness of God and a member of Christ and, therefore, Christ God Himself, who loved us all with immeasurable love. But my brother just wants to eat and drink better, just like me. And whose is everything I have? - God's, free. Oh, greedy, stingy, self-loving, voluptuous, idolater! proud! despiser of your neighbors! The pleasures of life are suppressed and do not bear fruit [Lk. 8, 14]. So, worldly sweets suppress the spirit (and body) and higher aspirations and do not allow virtues to be established and mature. Doesn’t everyone who lives in pleasures experience this? Is it not because faith and piety on earth have become impoverished because everyone has indulged in indulgence? Is this why there are few fruits of true virtues? Isn’t that why, finally, all the saints tried in every possible way to curb their flesh through abstinence and fasting, prayer, vigil and physical labor? What made the great Prophet and Forerunner lead such a strange life 62 as he did, wear such clothes, eat such meager and harsh food as he did? What made the great Moses, Elijah or Hananiah, Azariah, Mishael, Daniel, or before them Hannah the mother of Samuel, Hannah the mother of Sampson and others, fast? What made this entire regiment of New Testament ascetics live in the deserts and lead a fasting and ascetic life? Is it not a desire for abstinence, is it not contempt for worldly pleasures that have such charm for us? We, apparently, create and strengthen physical and spiritual life, taking care of good, nutritious food and drink, not denying ourselves anything that our eyes and heart want, but in fact, we accelerate the decay of soul and body. The saints, apparently, mortify the soul and body - through fasting, vigil, prayer, exhausting labor, but in fact they revive the spirit and body and prepare for themselves incorruption and eternal joy. Our hope, the Lord Jesus Christ, ascended into heaven, never departing from us by His Divinity, and by this (ascension) showed us that we must philosophize on high, about the heavenly fatherland, about life there. He reigns there forever and promised us an eternal Kingdom - will we forget His promises? Why do so many of us forget? He gave saving commandments, fulfilling which we will live forever - why don’t we care about fulfilling them? Why do we follow the rules and customs of a world that is flattering and transitory? I glorify and extol the Lord my God, for he who performed wondrous miracles in me, who saved me from the tyranny of fierce demons who attacked me during the cathedral liturgy on July 27 under the guise of anger, embarrassment, cramped conditions (for the sake of the reader Nicholas), and who saved me from embarrassment, and who granted me the ability to speak out to the people of the reigning house to the end, quietly, slowly, firmly, and to partake of the Holy Mysteries in peace of spiritual strength, and read the prayer behind the pulpit without stumbling, and serve the prayer service for the blessing of water victoriously. If you pray to the Lord in church according to the prayer models adopted by the Church, you pray sincerely, for example, for the sending of rain, and you do not soon receive a request, do not be discouraged and do not despair, and do not complain, but wait for the Lord - and he will give you the petition of your heart: not today, then tomorrow or on the third day, not on the third, then on the seventh, as the Jews once did in Jericho on a seven-day basis. getting around. So we prayed for a week in church for the gift of rain, and on the seventh day the Lord sent rain in abundance, precisely on the 8th and 9th of July and on the 28th of July. Lord, have mercy on me, for until now I have not yet died to worldly pleasures and malice! Alas! How will I heal others, although I myself am covered in ulcers! O One Savior and Doctor, save me! Instead of sublime love for God and neighbor, the love for sweets, for corruptible and ephemeral acquisitions, for my many-passionate flesh, which must be crucified, prevails in me. Alas for me, wretched one! I love to pray in the church of God, especially in the holy altar, at the throne or at the altar of God, for I am miraculously changed in the church by the grace of God, in the prayer of repentance and tenderness the heavy bonds of passions fall from my soul and it becomes so easy for me. All the charm, all the charm of passions disappears: it is as if I am dying for the world and the world for me with all its blessings; I come to life in God and for God, for the one God, and I am completely imbued with Him, and I am one spirit with Him; I become like a child comforted on its mother's lap; My heart is then full of heavenly, sweet peace, my soul is enlightened by heavenly light: you see everything brightly, you look at everything correctly, you feel friendship and love for everyone, even for your enemies, and you willingly forgive and forgive them. Oh, how blessed is the soul with God! The Church is truly an earthly paradise. Instead of the soulless idols that were in paganism, now everyone serves the animated idol - their flesh - through gluttony, smoking, dressing up, dancing and music, covetousness, amusing fires, incessant festivities, excessive care for health, fornication. Cut off mercilessly self-love and willingly accept everything that is unpleasant for the old man, although sometimes just, for example, if someone, out of negligence towards you, did not greet you, did not give you his hand, while he greeted yours and his comrades sitting next to you, or sharply accused you of some wild passion of yours. Do not respond with heartfelt hatred and contempt for those who despise you, but love your enemies, bless those who curse, do good to those who hate - for if we only love those who love, but have no enemies, then what kind of Christians are we [Matt. 5, 44 – 47 ]! Other pagans are better than us. In addition, remember that the Lord suffered for you innocently, and you do not want to endure an empty word or deed from your neighbor! Acquire kindness. Sometimes from the evil one comes a pretext of malice, with an irresistible force that draws the heart to irritation with every little thing, with every glance, step, movement, expression, word; in this terrible time of temptation, we must bow our knees with all our hearts before the Savior God and pray to Him with all zeal to quench the storm of anger, extinguish its flame, take away its power. In this storm of anger, a person desires evil or breathes rage, vengeance and murder against those closest to him, such as his wife or children, or other household members, and becomes, as it were, a murderous devil himself. And all this comes from deep-rooted pride, lust, greed, love of fame, luxury, in general - from the delicacy of one’s nature. We must in every possible way acquire the spirit of fatherly love for everyone, to wish every good thing for everyone, to be affectionate, pleasant, and generous to everyone. Sin is absurd and disastrous: for example, a drunkard becomes sick from excessive consumption of intoxicating drinks, and does various indecent and shameful things, which he himself is ashamed to think and remember, and yet continues to drink; a greedy for food, a glutton, an overeater, after overeating, feels heaviness, an eclipse of his abilities, a tied tongue, and he himself finds that he becomes like an animal, or bestial, because he often breathes malice and hatred [on] those who live with him and eat with him or ask him for alms every day, is subjected to cramped conditions and sorrow, is deprived of peace and tranquility, becomes incapable of heavenly wisdom, or to be a true Christian, to live for the highest purpose of existence - and yet continues to feast on and overeat; the adulterer sees that through adultery he defiles and dishonors his nature, soul and body, exposes them to illness, transforms the order of life established by the Creator, and is subjected to disgrace, but nevertheless continues to commit adultery; the lover of money sees that wealth weighs him down, deprives him of spiritual freedom and makes him his slave, turns him away from God and from love for his neighbor, takes him away from true life and brings death into the soul, takes away peace of mind and body, imposes heavy worries - however, he continues to collect great wealth and adds great burden to himself until, exhausted by worries, he gets sick and dies, having lost his soul 63 through the acquisition of wealth [Matt. 16, 26; Mk. 8, 36]. Such is every sin - pride, malice, envy, etc. I benefit spiritually and physically from the Orthodox faith and from prayer or worship and the Sacraments in particular. I am constantly cleansed, sanctified, pacified and enlivened by Divine faith and worship - I am internally changed, renewed through prayer and the Sacraments: violent passions in me become silent and in their place meek and pure virtue, calmness, joy, sweetness of heart take root; It’s easy for me, it’s good - it’s good for me to be with my Savior; I am blessed by my faith, so blessed that I would never give up prayer, sobriety, vigil and spiritual work, conversation with God, with the Most Holy Theotokos and His saints. How can I not love the saints, not revere them! I see in them perfected human nature, I see in them the perfection and beauty of the human spirit, possible purity of soul and body, I see in them my deified nature - living tabernacles of the Divine; I see personified Christian virtues: meekness, humility, kindness, abstinence, purity, non-covetousness, truth, patience, love, self-sacrifice, obedience, courage, zeal for the glory of the name of God, for keeping His commandments, zeal for the salvation of human souls, contempt for the adulterous and sinful world, all-hearted desire for the Kingdom of God. Smoking tobacco extinguishes prayer and becomes a barrier between the Spirit of grace and between us - because any excess is from the evil one. So, it happened to me when I smoked tobacco and then began to pray to God, for me prayer became a burden and was insincere. This is why those who smoke a lot are lazy to pray to God at home and in Church, and many do not pray at all. The devil, a slanderer and seducer, laughed at me on August 5th at a meeting of teachers of the gymnasium, in the pedagogical council, in the following way. After everyone else, the teacher of calligraphy and painting, Semyon Nikolaevich, came to the council. After saying hello to everyone, he didn’t say hello to me. I was offended, and the offense began to pinch my heart, that is, the devil, who began to slander my brother Semyon - internally - all sorts of things. For two hours my heart ached: I was not myself (what pride, ambition, pride!); I looked at the icon of the Savior more than once, and each time I received relief. However, the grief did not go away completely, and before the end of the council, after saying goodbye to everyone, I did not say goodbye to Semyon. During the council, I thought: how can you despise me so much: I am a priest, his spiritual father, and he despises me - what does it look like? Then I thought: the Lord endured insults, beatings, torment, the cross and death for us, but I cannot calmly endure such a trifle that my brother did not greet me and ignored me with his honor! Love is patient and kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, it is not proud... does not seek his own, is not irritated, does not think evil... endures everything. Love never fails [1 Cor. 13, 4–8] – and I?.. could not bear it, became irritated, began to think evil... I forgot the commandment of the Lord: learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart [Matt. 11, 29]. What kind of meekness do I have when I don’t want to bear the slightest insult or suspect my brother of evil, which he does not have? And another commandment: love your enemies... if you love those who love you... [Matt. 5, 44, 46]. How should we study the history of the Old Testament? When reading it, lift up your thoughts and hearts more often than not to the Creator of everything - with reverence, gratitude, love; to conduct the work of teaching students the history of the Old Testament in such a way that in all the things around them they constantly see the works of the Creator of the world, the Benefactor, the Father, the Provider and the Savior; whether they see and eat fruits, or fish, or meat, milk, whether they put on clothes, whether they have money, whether they look at the sun, whether they use its beneficial light, whether they breathe air, whether they drink water or other drink, whether they walk on the earth - so that in all these and other things they see the works of God's hands - and works primarily for man. And, seeing that God created everything for them, for their life and contentment and happiness and pleases us in everything, we would arouse ourselves to the most zealous fulfillment of the Divine commands, or commandments, and thus would show our love and gratitude to the Creator for His benefits and would deserve His great benefits - the imperishable and eternal benefits of the future life. Will you, who eat the Bread of the eternal Life and drink the life-giving Blood, spare ordinary bread and drink for any of your neighbors, when the Lord does not spare His Flesh and Blood for you? Or are you more insensitive than a stone? Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God [Matt. 4, 4]. How long will the pagan direction of the heart last? How long will the bestial heart last? How long is life wordless? 64 Or do you still not see the machinations of the enemy? Who arouses greed for bread in the heart? - Devil. When performing services before the people and seeing the Life-giving Cross before you, remember that it is a sign of courage, and be courageous yourself, fearlessly repelling the soul-disturbing intrigues of the enemy, defeated on the cross and conquered ever since by those who sincerely believe in the Crucified One. Conduct yourself this way, especially during blessings of water and during all public prayers. Take courage as you look to the cross. Do not drink sweet tea, especially in the morning, because this results in intense lust at the sight of a woman who has come to us for a conversation or for something else. In the evening, also, do not drink sweet tea and especially do not have dinner for the same reason; in general, to preserve in every possible way the purity of soul and body for the Lord, for we are in His image and likeness and His members, His churches. Quench lust in yourself with the sign of the cross and the memory of the Last Judgment and eternal fire. (Temptation on the occasion of Burakova’s arrival for confession.) From an excess of juices in the body or vital seeds, at night, especially before rain, there is severe itching in the body, as if bedbugs or fleas were all over your body. In this case, at night you need to do spiritual and physical work - long vigils and prayers, prostrations to the ground, even though you really don’t want to do this. After fervent prayer, a peaceful dream will certainly appear. You must kill earthly love in yourself - love for earthly beauty, for sweets, for self-interest, for your flesh, for honor - and revive the love for heaven, the true fatherland, for the soul - a heavenly citizen, for virtue; to hate everything that the flesh loves - to love what it despises, what it fears (for example, thinking about death, about judgment, or poverty, the sick, the suffering). The Infant Savior embraces His Most Pure Mother - so He is ready to embrace all humanity, so He sincerely united with the souls who believe in Him and love Him. The sweets on which we feed are the cause of our coldness towards God, for the salvation of the soul and eternal life, our hardness of heart and hatred of our neighbors, for we have loved ourselves too much and illegally, our flesh, which must be crucified - and instead of us being heavenly on earth, we have become completely earthly and carnal, from Christians - pagans. All this is what the pagans seek [Matt. 6, 32 ]; We forgot that the Heavenly Father cares for everyone and that we are not commanded to care about tomorrow, which, according to the beautiful saying of the Savior, cares for itself [Matt. 6, 34], that is, the Heavenly Father cares for each of us daily. It would be better for many people not to know some high people, but to hear only about them from afar, because, having seen and recognized them, they then neglect them somewhat, just as in general we tend to neglect everything that we have mastered, that we have comprehended, or who we have comprehended with its perfections and weaknesses. Such is our pride, such is our arrogance! Thanks be to the Lord that He is unknown, ineffable, invisible, incomprehensible, all-perfect, infinitely great and always worthy of all reverence. But we must also nurture and maintain constant respect for people, especially for those who are superior, that is, those in command and power: for they are, as it were, earthly gods, according to the Scripture: I said: Ye are gods, and are all sons of the Most High [Ps. 81, 6], and excuse their weaknesses and shortcomings by the infirmities of a nature damaged by sin and appreciate their good intentions. People will condemn, but God will justify when I sincerely and loudly list everything, even the most vile sins - in prayers of repentance, for example, in prayers for communion. But what am I saying? And people will not condemn, but will praise, because sincerity and recognition are commendable in the eyes of everyone. That is, the life of a wanderer (strange (church glory) - wandering). Having lost the soul - causing harm to the soul, loss (futility). Wordless (Church Slavic) - life without spirituality, similar to the life of animals not endowed with the gift of speech. Sincerely (church glory) - in the same way, exactly. You might be interested in: