Раздел 1

When serving with Deacon Peter A. Safronov, I need to count the money myself after mass or assign the counting to the deacon together with the sexton due to the deacon’s infidelity. This happened on November 23, 1874. He almost obviously took two rubles for himself. From the proskomedia there were five rubles and from the memorial service three rubles and twenty kopecks in income, but only five rubles and kopecks were recorded in the book. You need to keep a close eye on him. There have been cases of infidelity before. Find out tomorrow, or rather, from Mikhailov, how much was from the proskomedia, so as not to say or think in vain. December 17, 74 Afanasyev and Ioganson have two books to read. End of 1874, 1875, 1876. Three new frames need to be made for the study and my bedroom - the old ones are unusable: the fireplaces cannot be heated - it’s cold, the cold is constant. January 19th 1875. On January 30, Zrelov's sexton was given a loan of fifteen rubles. To Firemaster 1 Balykin on January 27 – twenty-five rubles for 3 months. Write letters to I. Maynard and (Filovin) on April 8th. Go to Potapiy Kornilovich. Do not eat anything with vegetable oil, especially vegetable pie at night: it is harmful, the heartburn is harmful, incessant, indigestible, strengthens. I ate Lenten pie in the evening, and my stomach became very sore: it felt like crap in my sides. Don’t eat salmon at night, don’t drink milk [...], your mouth feels bad, like tar. July 14, 1875 Akathista to the wife of the director of the real school. January 31, 1876 27. Martha. (Gomelovsky) book and others (...). Nikolai Matveevich Fedorov: two books - “Spiritual Conversations” 1869 and Works of the Fathers, part P. Katerina, the wife of a janitor, was given a loan of three rubles on September 16, 1875 until October 1. Do not be afraid of demonic ghosts. Write, with God’s help, a science of worship and print it in the best possible way, with pictures and a magnificent cover. Nowadays, form means a lot to people. January 26, 1875 It is permissible to eat milk on fasting days under the pretext of weakness: milk food increases the weakness of the spirit, the temptations of the enemy, strengthens passions, multiplies stumblings, and makes them a mockery of demons. February 14. The Psalter is a living echo of all humanity: kings and princes, and ordinary people, and priests, and everyone. Sweet lingonberry jam is bad for me: it relaxes my nerves. April 6. I carry a fiery test from evil spirits every service, especially on holidays. This is how it should be. Do not be astonished if there is a fire in you, but there will be temptation for you. Let us remember what Christians endured in the first three centuries, and what later, in the centuries of heresies and schisms, let us remember the works of the saints. Decree from the Holy Synod on honoring me with the rank of archpriest dated March 31, No. 825. May 30, 1875 letter to Father Superior Theodosius Verkolsky. On June 5, visit goddaughter Alexandra (in the house) of Golovarev. March 26. Alexandra Fedorovna Trapeznikova, an honest servant, cook and laundry maid. Pyotr Semyonov, a tradesman beggar of about eighteen years old, who arrived at the port, was given a ruble for boots and he gave me three quarters of the ruble. Lives in Baikov's house on Novaya Street. Are you satisfied with your condition? Aren't you jealous? Aren't you complaining? Are you trying to live holy? Do you hate sin? Do you sincerely love virtues? Do you love pious conversations? Do you pray sincerely? March 23, 1875 I drank holy water before the all-night vigil, when I was thirsty, and received an excellent, clear and sonorous voice. On February 28, the elder, a relative of Brittnev, was given a book about the holy and blessed fathers. Since this week (the 5th of Lent) I serve mass every day and will partake of the Holy Mysteries, I should not eat anything except bread and water, and then only once a day, and besides, I fast. Lord help me! Most Holy Theotokos, help! Reverend Mother Mary, help! March 28. Eating sweet cranberry jelly turned out to be very harmful: melancholy in the chest, (...) restless sleep. Letter to Augusta Alexandrovna with money. Nephews to the seminary and the Solovetsky Monastery. Salted stellate sturgeon fish is pleasant, but hard on the stomach and the Heart. Kvass is very nutritious: you don’t need to drink it at night, especially when brewed with molasses. April 11, 1875. Not me, but the grace of God (in the services I perform). I am not mine, but God's. Do not despise those who sell oil, that is, the poor, although there are many of them: you need them. Bless, and do not curse (Rom. 12:14). I, accursed, impatient, self-loving, sinned against this commandment of the Apostle of Christ God: I cursed some, including the late brother Alexei Konstantinovich and the former sexton Alexei Pavlovich Preobrazhensky. God is an eternal, immutable, all-good, all-wise, all-powerful, all-righteous, all-knowing, all-beautiful, all-sweet, all-blessed Being. What is before Him the greatest man, with the most brilliant abilities, a man of the most amazing beauty? What is before Him the whole world, heaven and earth with everything that fills them, all the beauty, lightness, sweetness, all their greatness? - Nothing, nothing, for all this is limited, of course, changeable, transitory, rude in comparison with Him: and created beauty is rude in comparison with the Creator Himself, and their lordship and greatness are like insignificance. So, bypassing creation, let us cleave to the Creator, to our kin, for our soul is His image and likeness and is immortal. One spiritual daughter told me in confession that someone was constantly inciting her to kill either her husband or her sister and had tormented her extremely. I told her not to pay attention to the suggestions of the evil spirit, but to diligently call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. These are the intrigues the enemy is perpetrating on people! And above me?! What dirty tricks he did! Which ones he doesn’t build! After all, sometimes it will exhaust you! And all for intemperance! No. 4 March 19. Peterhof. The Zemstvo Government's attitude on March 12 No. 244 about the allocation of 250 rubles for an elementary school and about sending a person to receive it. In church, think of nothing earthly. On Great Friday. May you deprive humanity from the work of strangers, and grant eternal life. Sermon. Don’t eat today and tomorrow, that is, Great Friday and Saturday. Grant, Lord! And the nature of my body does not need: I am full for ten days. April 11. And what about a prayer service for Blinov? Through bows the spirit is humbled. Do you believe, do you know, do you always remember that you are in the image of God and that your soul is immortal, and do you prepare for eternal life by good deeds, by cleansing yourself from all filth of the flesh and spirit? This is to ask in confession. And it doesn’t hurt to ask yourself this question: we are all too attached to the perishable, earthly. This earthly and sinful thing hinders me too much on the path of spiritual life, in serving God and people, it confuses, hurts, binds, shames, and deadens the spirit (yesterday during the all-night vigil, an earthly, evil thought about my flesh confused, tied my soul and tongue, and put me to shame when reading the Gospel). The whole heart must always be in God. Where the treasure is, there is the heart (Matthew 6:19 – 21). The devil, as if in a body, clothes himself in our hearts with worldly addictions, carnal passions, and entices us daily. Therefore, the Son of God clothed ourselves in our body, so that he would expose and condemn sin, defeat the devil and deliver us from corruption. 1875 October 25. 1. Letter to Barfolomeev. 2. Letter to nephew Ivan and parents with children. 3. To the Nilo-Stolobensky Monastery. Tver province of Ostashkovsky district with an investment of 10 rubles. The books were given: The Works of St. Ephraim the Syrian and the Lives of the Saints of the Tver Province of the Vyshnevolochkovsky District of the Zaborovsky Volost of the Village of Fedorova Dvor to the peasant Stepan Kozmin No. 3610, in the Polyakov House, apartment No. 19, Knyazheskaya Street. As the law, weakened by the flesh, was powerless, God sent His Son in the likeness of sinful flesh as a sacrifice for sin and condemned sin in the flesh (Rom. 8:3). I am the first sinner in the world, without any exaggeration, truly. God is my treasure, my nobility, my dignity, my glory, my beauty, my incorruptible sweetness, my unceasing miracle, my deliverance, my strength, my light, my reason, my wisdom, my love. To the glory of the Holy, Consubstantial, Life-Giving and Indivisible Trinity - God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Direct my steps, O Lord, according to Thy word, and let not all iniquity possess me (Ps. 119:133). Blessed art thou, O Lord: teach me by thy justification (Ps. 119:12). October 6th day, 1874. Resurrection. (...) and other cities and villages burned to demonstrate the truth of God and the eternal fire of the rising judgment. The judgment and future fire of Gehenna are terrible. In 1875, the first steamship from St. Petersburg arrived in Kronstadt on May 2, and from abroad on May 5. Britnev's steamships between Kronstadt and Rambov 3 began sailing on April 22. On April 26, on the "Pilot" 4th steamboat, I traveled to Rambov, and then to St. Petersburg for promotion to the archpriest's rank. He will avenge Cain sevenfold (Gen. 4:15), that is, up to the seventh generation. Father Pavel Lamanov. God is a man. What a mystery! Great mystery of piety: God appeared in the flesh (1 Tim. 3:16)! Men are messengers of God (apostles, saints, priests, their work). Oh, mystery! The apostles gave birth to the world with their gospel, their labors, struggles, their illnesses, their martyrdom, they undoubtedly renewed the world: after the Nativity of Christ, science, civilization (civics, art, industry), family life - everything went forward. June 4, 1875. The lesson for me is to carefully consider the documents of the bride and groom presented for the wedding and for the wedding. Now, for the umpteenth time, the bride and groom and their relatives are pestering me to marry the bride and groom, and yet the groom is only seventeen years old: having overlooked the documents and not realizing his age, I gave the documents to the sexton, ordering an announcement and a search 5 . What a temptation! Meanwhile, they were preparing for the wedding and incurred great expenses! I have sinned! He is guilty of accepting the documents and not examining them. In the second week of Lent in 1876, I had eighty confessors, all of whom had three hundred. October 6. The countless mercies poured out on me by the Lord all the days of my life are the guarantee of my last pardon both at the end of my life and at the Last Judgment of God. I hope: You are the hedgehog to have mercy and save us, our God 6. We do not try to ascend to Christian perfection in our hearts and in life, but rather, we descend downwards due to passionate living, and we desperately strive for exaltation in awards and distinctions, as if to become higher than each other, and thus we are ambitious and hypocrites. We do not elevate ourselves through purity and holiness, but through external advantages we want to elevate ourselves as much as we can. And this is vanity. He who exalts himself will be humiliated, and he who humiliates himself will be exalted, says the one Exalted One (Luke 18:14), who exalts whom he wants and humbles whom he wants. Exalt the humble - says the One who is humble (Luke 1:52). I thank the Lord for the wonderful revival through Divine Communion; I thank the Lord, who has repeatedly raised me from sinful death to life, from confusion into peace, from crampedness into space, from fear into boldness. I thank the Lord, who strengthened me with the Holy Mysteries with boldness to carry out the entire sequence of the funeral service without stumbling. I thank the Lord, who pacified me during Vespers, confused and embittered by the unrighteousness of the archpriest. May the Lord soon judge Archpriest Paul for all his deceit, for all his coldness towards souls, and especially towards the poor and towards us, his brethren, for all his stinginess and hard-heartedness towards the poor, for all his unrighteous envy and hostility towards my unworthiness, for all his attacks, slander and slander. And grant me, Lord, love for him and patience and not to hate him with a single thought or feeling of hostility, let me sincerely pray for him as for myself. For I also sin greatly; because of his unrighteousness (and perhaps even the truth), I harbor hatred and contempt for him. Grant me, Lord, to pray for him sincerely. What are his attacks? - The wind is passing! Do not be embarrassed by injustices or the harsh words of your boss or subordinate, but see if there is any truth in the harsh word that is useful and necessary for you, and in any case, keep a calm spirit, for embarrassment is a passionate, sinful state of the soul, revealing the hidden passions of self-love, ambition, malice, envy, impatience, pride, willfulness, stubbornness, etc., hidden in the soul. Leave it to the Lord enemies and offenders of yours, do not take revenge on them: Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord (Rom. 12:19), - and how soon he will repay! And you pray for them, be kind to them, love them! Commit yourself, each other and your whole belly to Christ God. Soon both men and their iniquity will pass away, but righteousness will endure forever and will exalt you. October 8. Tuesday. God! There is no measure for Your good deeds, Your powers, even as You surprised me this day, for during the Liturgy You strengthened, warmed, encouraged, comforted me, weak, cold, dull, lazy, and through communion you miraculously ignited, revived, resurrected, giving again new life. But most of all Your immeasurable mercy appeared to me on the occasion when I, an ungrateful person, offended You with anger and rage at my household because of the disorder and uncleanliness that I found in the house after mass. Then I lost the grace of God, given to me by such bounties of God, and I began to wholeheartedly beg the Lord to forgive me my sins, to take away the spirit of hostility and anger, to plant love for my family in my heart, to return the grace of peace, freedom, and boldness, which I had lost through anger. I grieved that I had offended the infinite goodness, meekness, and love of God, which is long-suffering to me and to all people. I prayed intensely the whole way, in the gymnasium I prayed before class and before class. He prayed again - finally, so to speak, he forced the mercy of God and through Him drove away the all-destroying sin. Glory to the Lord for this! I thank the Lord that today during Matins the Lord wonderfully helped me, taking away the demonic storm from my heart (because of the archpriest’s paper), and granting me victory over fierce invisible enemies who frightened and confused me with their ghosts. I explained it to the archpriest, and everything cleared up. But instead of that house, a storm broke out. And the Lord calmed that one down. How I will thank You, Lord, who saves me, many-passionate, from so many storms, so many deaths every day! God! Let me be established in meekness, kindness, and patience. Oh, my heart is deeply corrupted! It cannot contain sincere love for one’s neighbor and for the Lord Himself, like a broken and unclean vessel! Damn man I am! I thank the Lord, who humbled my wife and did what was pleasing to me. I come to the conclusion that she is kind, although capricious. But I'm more willful. I raised a storm of anger over trifles. October 9. I thank the Lord, who miraculously revived me through the communion of His Divine Mysteries. I thank the Lord, who gave me the great gift of speech in fourth grade. I thank the Lord, who miraculously had mercy on me, who surprised me with His power and His mercy before Vespers, when I had grief in my heart for Sister Anna, tightness and fire in my heart; Having sincerely repented and condemned myself, I received peace and freedom from the Lord. The same thing happened before Morozov’s funeral service. I glorify the long-suffering, benevolence, and goodness of my Master God, Jesus Christ. Glory to the holy, saving faith! October 10. Thursday. Mass with the deceased Ivan Ev. Morozov. I suffered cruelly, hellishly today during mass from yesterday’s gluttony, especially from eating fish soup with fresh fish in sufficient quantities after eating an apple (and even earlier I ate apples and grapes at a party, ate salted fish teshka, pie with salted fish); there was extreme coldness, despondency, anxiety, timidity in my soul. During the proskomedia, when Father Matthew approached, I allowed the spirit of hostility to hurt me: I disliked him for his greed, love of money, hypocrisy, and this began to torment me - I accused myself of untruth against my brother, accused myself as a nasty, evil sinner, who had distorted himself with sins, corrupted, unworthy to be a priest and to stand at the throne with the brethren, who surpassed me in everything. Throughout the mass I felt cold, oppressed, and despondent precisely from satiety from the evening. Oh, how destructive is intemperance! And having received communion, I was not completely calm, and at the funeral service I was not cheerful, as always happened, and in the gymnasium I was restless. I thank the Lord, who, through my prayer, performed a miracle of mercy and deliverance on me in Alexei’s (Machigin’s) apartment before the christening, delivering me from the cramped conditions for anger towards the poor and for the feeling of voluptuousness. I thank the Lord, who miraculously saved me from anger at the beggar who demanded an increase from me, and from anger toward my wife. Until now I have very little active wisdom, I have not yet learned to curb malice and anger, and I am upset, angry because of empty things, such as the children’s pranks at the table, that they pour milk and break dishes in their pranks, and I am angry at their mother, my sister-in-law, who indulges them. We must calmly stop the pranks, although sometimes strictly, but not become embittered at the perpetrators. I once kicked out my sister-in-law for her whims and disorder - now my nephews have been kicked out of the seminary. Thy will be done, Lord! I thank the Lord, who tamed my anger and gave me peace and freedom. I will put on the meekness of the Lord, gentleness, humility, and patience of the Lord, so that I may be His faithful servant. All because of my addiction to earthly things, I fall into anger, irritation, and quarrel. But what is more valuable than love, peace, meekness, patience? Whoever has acquired these qualities has acquired the eternal Kingdom, because he has acquired God. Man is terrible and angry: he himself is a sinner, he suffers for his sins, and he blames the cause of his suffering on others. This is how I am too. If you want to establish a Trusteeship, love the poor with sincere love and all members of the Trusteeship and pray earnestly to God for them. How good it is for me to always be with God and how bad, cramped with sin, no matter how sweet it may seem! Grant me, my Lord, to be with You forever, every minute! Grant me to love You above all, worthy of ardent love! God! Enlighten and guide my wife, and my sister Anna with her children, and my (sisters), and their children, and their husbands, all my spiritual children, all my (bosses), (mentors) and disciples, all Orthodox Christians, to love You. The epitrachelion on a priest means that all the prayers, Sacraments, and services he performs are performed by the grace of the Lord, regardless of his dignity or unworthiness, that the Lord submits petitions to the believers through him by His grace, and not for his dignity. That is why the priest does not perform any service without the epitrachelion. Glory to the grace of God! October 11. Friday. I thank the Lord, who surprised me with His mercy and His power in the stumbling-free, cheerful, loud service of Matins in the presence of the archpriest (and I was previously overcome with some fear in front of him, although usually I was not afraid of him): the entire Matins, the great and special litanies, and the small litanies, and Christ, the true Light, spoke smartly. He also served Mass cheerfully and received communion of the life-giving Mysteries for salvation. October 12. Saturday. I served early mass for the archpriest, and he served Matins and late mass for me. He served cheerfully, without stumbling; I received communion of the Holy Mysteries without condemnation, but was greatly offended and embarrassed by the evil one when Deacon Safronov, handing over the censer at the funeral service, did not kiss my priestly hand. Here is the temptation of ambition and malice! I had barely gotten rid of the devil’s wiles and his evil, deadening breath. Why am I greedy for earthly sweets? I have heavenly, eternal, incomparable sweetness - Christ God, His Holy Mysteries. Here's my shit! I need abstinence and abstinence, fasting and fasting, as a priest and shepherd of verbal sheep 7 . For the rest of my life and for all difficult and joyful occasions, may I surrender myself to the will of God, to the wise disposition of His Providence, and therefore may I never be irritated and embittered by people who cause harm either to me or those close to me. God! Thy will be done! May I remember Your sufferings, may I remember the sufferings and bitter tears of Your Most Pure Mother, who stood at Your Cross and shared with You the sorrows and sufferings that no one else in the world had more, more severely. Amen. I thank the Lord, who consoled me with the affection of the children Rufina and Elizabeth, according to the instructions of my wife. I thanked her for the tea - she sent the children to thank me. May there be, Lord, peace and love between us, may it not be disturbed by everyday disturbances, malfunctions, may I not pay attention to them as empty things. A letter with money to his nephew and parents. Nieces too. Theater is the tares that choke out the wheat—Christianity in the souls. How honored and exalted is man in Christianity! And how a Christian (forgets) in his life, forgets the Christian title and lives like a pagan: he indulges in games, theater, cards, and so on. or considers his Goal to be carnal pleasures, the accumulation of wealth, the achievement of earthly honors and distinctions, luxurious clothing, rich houses, a rich, exquisitely decorated home! Christian! You are called to heavenly citizenship, your rank is very high, and its duties are extremely important: you are called to renewal, sanctification, to all virtue, to sobriety, abstinence, prayers, to mercy. I thank the Lord, who gave me the grace of tenderness during the all-night vigil and a fiery prayer for the people ahead, to attract everyone to the work of public mercy - noble and ignorant, learned and unlearned, great and small, rich and poor, all the best forces - and to enlighten the proud rich who are opposed to a good cause. And I prayed for my unfortunate nephews. Articles should be written in the Kronstadt Bulletin newspaper, sobering society from the lull of everyday life with vain affairs. Write at least some parables that, while entertaining and inciting and challenging the mind, would lead to important reflections and encourage good deeds, prayer, and repentance. Otherwise they chase trifles with trifles. What food are they for society? Encouragement for almsgiving is Christian moral education. In contrast to the theater, it is more vivid to describe the benefit, life-giving, elevating spiritual power of Christian worship. Wonderful in power, in wisdom, in goodness, mercy, long-suffering, Lord our God! We thank You, Your unworthy servants, for a fruitful summer, abundant in all the fruits of Your goodness! All creation, verbal and dumb 8, glorifies Thee, who opens His generous hand and fulfills every animal’s good pleasure (Ps. 144:16). Wonderful thing! When we did not expect such abundance due to the wet and cold summer, behold, Your wisdom and power brought forth all sorts of fruits. And to us, Lord, grant us the grace and strength to offer You the gift of good deeds: love, meekness, humility, chastity, abstinence, almsgiving, simplicity of character, humility, non-covetousness, holiness, courage, patience. God! Do not sow us yet, like a barren fig tree, wait for more fruits of repentance, and turn many more sinners to You! Your best is to be kind and save. God! You most surprised me with Your mercy and power, delivering me from the darkness of sorrows, passions, troubles, and deaths! I glorify Your compassion, Your quick obedience and goodness! Let me love You with all my heart. In You is my strength, power, glory, boldness. Yesterday at lunch I ate meat greedily and in significant quantities, because (...) relaxation in the body from excess nutrition. Don't eat meat. God willing. In general there is little. For I feed on the incorruptible food of the Most Pure Body and Blood of the Lord. Everyone seeks his own 9, that is, to please the belly, ambition, money and money, and not like Christ Jesus, not the salvation of the soul, not purity of heart, not humility and kindness, not dishonor for the sake of Christ, not patience and long-suffering. For the sake of the purity of my heart and the love of God, I still do not want to give up meat, which is so sweet for me, although due to its special nutritional value, which is unnecessary for me, it is harmful. When will I be abstinent for the sake of the Lord, for the sake of purity of heart and for the sake of the Heavenly Kingdom? We must most earnestly pray to the Life-giving Holy Spirit, the Comforter, the Helmsman of the Holy Church of Christ, that he may breathe the spirit of love into the hearts of all Christians and illuminate everyone with His light to the knowledge of the truth of God and Christ, to mutual unity, to the rejection of all heresies and schisms, to the ruin of all social parties opposing each other. All-good, all-powerful, all-wise, all-righteous Holy Soul, do this in the name of Christ! Wake up! Oh, how close the Holy Spirit is always to us! How He always does us good, cleanses our sins, sanctifies, enlightens, pacifies, resolves, frees the soul from the bonds and darkness of sin, revives our souls, deadened by sins, strengthens, encourages, consoles, brings us into tenderness and tears, prays, intercedes with us with unutterable sighs! Glory and thanksgiving to You, One of the Holy Trinity! Glory to You, Lord Jesus, for whose sake the Holy Spirit comes into the world and acts powerfully. Glory to Thee, Holy Father, eternally wearing out the Holy Spirit and thereby reviving the world, which is perishing nearby, in the name of Thy Son, our Savior, who served us with so much exhaustion, patience and longsuffering! October 14. I thank the most merciful Lord, who made me worthy to perform the Sunday liturgy in the Duma Church without stumbling, with tenderness of heart, and to pronounce the high word of Metropolitan Gregory 11 about the unity of Christians. October 15. I also thank the Lord for the gift of stumbling-free service of the liturgy and life-giving communion of the Holy Mysteries. Thank you for the gift of speech in the senior class of the gymnasium. I ask the Lord for forgiveness for my sins, namely in my rage at the beggars at the church doorstep (in the glass door frame: go, I said, to hell, what kind of servant am I for you), and at my wife at home for opening the doors and for money (...). In my mortified body I sing to You. Oh, if only it were so! Oh, if only for the Lord to mortify the flesh defiled by the pleasures of life! I thank the Lord, who for my tears delivered the lustful obsession that happened in the Kudryavtsevsky outbuilding during the service of a prayer service, and who took away my oppression and shame. Oh, do not allow, Lord, to ever insult Your holiness, Your goodness, Your greatness, Your truth! I should have long ago lost interest in food and drink, because because of them I am so often subjected to cramped conditions, sorrow, and deprivation of the grace of God, and I should have loved incorruptible food - the Body and Blood of the Lord, the word of God, prayer, which so delights, pacifies, enlivens, and expands my soul. Why else do I continue this unreasonable, harmful habit? Why am I a slave to the womb? Their God is their belly (Phil. 3:19). For invoking in spirit and truth the Lord God, the Most Pure Mother of God and the saints, the Holy Orthodox Church was many times consoled by the miraculous apparitions of the Mother of God Herself (as in Blachernae in Constantinople), holy Angels, prophets, apostles and hierarchs - and this is both in Greece in many places, especially on Athos, and here in Russia. What other proof is needed that the invocation of saints in prayer by Orthodox Christians and the veneration of holy icons is a right, holy thing, pleasing to God and very useful and saving for us sinners? Look, think and be horrified, what a close connection, what holy communion exists between the earthly and heavenly Church! What quick, effective, powerful help from heaven! And what kind of maternal love does the Mother of God have for us? What kind of care, what kind of ambulance? As soon as the faithful cried to heaven for help, it was ready - and a shining omophorion was extended over all those praying. How for this we must thank the Lord and the Most Pure Mother of God, the holy Angels, intercessors for peace, and all the saints. Oh, I see, I see in incense the many prayers of all the saints on the golden altar, which is the throne, I see how the incense smoke emanates and ascends with the prayers of the saints from the hand of an Angel before God (Rev. 8:3-4)! Glory, Lord, to Your mercy, glory to Your unapproachable greatness! This is the rebuff and proof of our Orthodoxy to Lutherans, Anglicans and other non-Orthodox people. The Lord descended into hell to deliver the souls awaiting His coming, and the Holy Church, according to the power given to it by the Lord, also descends there constantly with its prayers and drives the souls of believers, who have not made amends for the sins of life with good deeds, from the depths of hell to heaven. Due to the violation by the first ancestors of the commandment about not eating the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, all sins, all vices, passions, a strong inclination towards earthly pleasures, towards earthly honor and glory, towards earthly acquisitions arose as from a seed - with a complete cooling towards God, towards spiritual life, with the drying up of true love for one's neighbor. Hence the importance of the commandment of Jesus Christ about fasting, about non-covetousness, about not seeking earthly glory, about earthly pleasures, about mortification of the flesh, about constant vigilance and constant prayer. Many separate faiths of Christianity with different external and internal structures, with different opinions and teachings contrary to the Divine truth of the Gospel and the teaching of the holy apostles, Ecumenical and Local Councils and holy fathers, indifference in faith, or recognition of all faith as equally saving, leads to unbelief or to a cooling towards the faith, to negligence about the fulfillment of the rules and regulations of the faith, to a cooling of Christians towards each other to a friend. Simon! Simon! Behold, Satan has asked to sow you like wheat (Luke 22:31). This is what he does. – Let us strictly adhere to the one true faith and the Church! One Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all (Eph. 4:5-6). From the very beginning of the human race - idolatry, from the beginning of Christianity - heresies and schisms - this is the work of Satan. Life is worldly, external, carnal, sensual. I thank the Lord and Lady Theotokos for their sovereign help during the service of Matins and Liturgy; I thank you for the heavenly gift of the life-giving Mysteries. Sweet hot tea very irritates the abdominal nerves and painfully prevents you from sleeping in the morning, but milk calms you down. It's been tested. October 18. During early mass I was subjected to intense grief, extreme powerlessness, cowardice, fear, impatience, anger at the deacon for singing along inappropriately, playfully, frivolously, and especially when I was upset my stomach and the irritated state of my nerves. He served Mass restlessly, sluggishly, coldly, unworthily. But I thank the Lord, who has made me, a sinner, worthy to partake of His Holy Mysteries for revival and purification. At home, coming from mass, he was seduced by the riots, became angry, spoke sternly to his wife, and was not peaceful. I repented of this for a long time. From an upset stomach, my nerves were extremely upset and painful. And they were sick in class. Strong tea increased their pain. To give a consoling speech about the storms of life on the twelfth anniversary of the gymnasium. October 19. Saturday. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me to perform the all-night prayer at home with the holy prayer service; I thank the Lord for the night, peacefully and sensibly spent, only the dream about the sexton Preobrazhensky confused me somewhat: in a rage he chased after me for the record I made about his drunkenness. I thank the Lord, who has protected, been merciful, and saved me for so many years! Helping me and glorifying me, unworthy. May the power of Your Kingdom, O Lord, be blessed and glorified always, now and ever and unto ages of ages 12. Amen. I have turned 46 years of earthly existence. Glory and thanksgiving to You, Eternal God, who has neither a beginning in anyone nor an end to Your life. Grant, Lord, to bring me, the unworthy, into the belly, for here on earth, in sins, troubles, and incessant temptations, there is not belly, but unceasing death. Only You have life. Grant therefore life to You, and not to yourself; For you to live is true life, but for yourself to live is death. God! sober up my soul and the souls of my enemies, especially not mine, but Yours. God! Help me in good deeds! God! The theater of Your wrath is ready again! Blow on him quickly into the fires of Your wrath and incinerate him before he incinerates many souls and bodies of Your people. For behold, Lord, they don’t want to go to the Church of Your glory, they run away from it, from prayer, praise, thanksgiving, and they climb into the theater in thousands and corrupt their souls. You did not once spare the church of glory created by Solomon, and you gave it up to fire, and the other church in which You taught Your people. You did not spare many, many of Your churches in the New Testament, but for the iniquities of Your people You gave them up to fire; Thou hast not spared many ships of the water, adorned and costly, for the iniquity of Thy people and their rulers; He did not spare the houses small and great, so that iniquity may be cleansed, may the pious receive a reward for their patience, may everyone become wise, may they be delivered from the fire of hell. Do not spare, do not spare, O Lord, even this proud building, this church of vanity, in which the souls of Your people, the New Israel, are about to become corrupted, deliberately corrupted. God! And without this theater, Satan raised his horn high, and now a spectacular church has been erected for him, in which all those who turn away and those who do not turn away at all will abide, all who live fornication and not fornication. God! Break his horns soon. October 19, 1874 Lord! Hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, as it is in heaven and on earth (Matthew 6:9 – 10). October 19. I thank the Lord, who made me worthy to celebrate the Divine Liturgy in the Duma Church in memory of the many departed. My voice was weak, my nerves were weak from yesterday’s consumption of plenty of lean cod and lean cabbage soup, and even more so from lean tea. I thank the Lord for life-giving communion. I am sinful before the Lord and before the souls of the dead and before living people in that I often, often do not cordially remember the deceased and also those who have just died, for whom I serve memorial services. How unworthy is my service! Why? From a lack of sincere love for God and for human souls! You must remember their souls like your own soul! 20th. I thank the Lord for giving me another day of temporary life; grant me, Lord, to use it for the salvation of mine and my neighbors and for Your glory. Wake up! Yesterday I was drunk from drinking beer (two glasses), sherry 13 and bitter vodka (half a glass) and performed baptism with difficulty in Nedonoskov’s house (in the bathhouse shack). I have sinned against the Lord! It is better to walk naked or lose everything, to endure everything, than to quarrel, hate each other, be at enmity with each other. And I often get upset over trifles and upset my wife or colleagues. Ridiculous. During the early liturgy today (October 20), I endured a terrible spiritual storm, cramped conditions, and death due to yesterday’s gluttony, satiety, and intoxication. Truly hellish thorns were in my soul and body during this mass, and only thanks to great tears and sighs and the communion of the life-giving Mysteries of the Most Merciful Master, I was saved from the mortal, goring, poisonous thorns. I have more than I expected - may I be grateful to the Lord and may I endure some of the troubles at home. Forgive me, Lord, that I called Your member, redeemed by Your Blood, created in Your image, a devil. For this I am subject to fiery Gehenna, and I really experience this Gehenna. Don’t be stingy, love money, give alms in simplicity - and you will be at peace in your heart, you will not be irritated by the multitude of people asking you for alms and will not be wounded in spirit. I have not yet given up anger and malice - and yet I am being punished by God with inner fire and oppression. On the night of October 20, the Lord visited Kronstadt with a terrible fire that destroyed the Vladimir Church, Gostiny Dvor and many houses. It started with a prodigal house. How long will I indulge in voluptuousness and make myself food for the enemy, his pasture? How long will I be God's enemy? October 22. I thank the Lord for the grace given to me mercifully and miraculously at the end of the all-night vigil (in the morning) and throughout mass and for the super-peaceful communion of the Divine Mysteries. (Drinking milk at night is bad.) What is more valuable than the grace of God, merciful, cleansing, life-giving, enlightening, strengthening, joyful, glorifying? Nothing. The goods of the whole world: food and drink, clothing, gold, silver, precious stones, honors, etc. - mean nothing in comparison with her. I thank the Lord for pouring out the mercy of His forgiveness on me and for giving me peace, boldness and freedom of spirit in A.V.’s apartment. Toluzakov before the prayer service on the evening of October 22. My sin was anger at the servant Anna for the riots. October 24. I thank the Lord for delivering me during mass from demonic malice and grave embarrassment due to the deceit of Deacon Peter Safronov. I thank the Lord for the wonderful, merciful revival of me by the Divine Mysteries of His Most Pure Body and His Most Pure Blood. I thank the Lord for the response to my call in Ivan Zakhar’s “Kronstadt Bulletin,” and Pyotr Nikolaevich Yanish also responded good-naturedly 14 . Meat, milk, sweet tea, wine, fruits cause extreme lustful excitement in the body, which happened to me this evening. I repent to the Lord my God, asking for mercy and cleansing. I acted extremely reprehensibly today at mass, feeling hostility towards Deacon Peter for not kissing my hand before the great exit. Am I the only one who loves those who love? Do I only kiss my friends? 15 Shouldn’t I love my enemies, bless those who curse me, those who attack me and drive me out, so that I may be a son of the Heavenly Father, for He commands His sun to rise on the evil and the good (Matthew 5:45)? The wrath of God moves slowly, but its slowness is rewarded with increased punishment. Houses of lawlessness on all the streets burned down. Serves it right. October 25. Friday. I thank the Lord, who has now performed a miracle of mercy on me, who has delivered me from hostility toward Father Deacon Peter Safronov through my prayer, and who has given me the grace to boldly, peacefully, and without stumbling, perform the Divine Liturgy and partake of my revival of the most pure and life-giving Mysteries. Glory to the most wonderful, most heavenly, life-giving liturgy! Glory to the Lord of the liturgy! God! Give me a great shrine, just as you gave it to Your saints. You bestowed Yourself - of course You bestow, as always happens, Your holiness, for the sacred is Your being, it is inseparable from You forever. May she not be separated from me either. Hey, amen! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! October 26. I thank the Lord for the great power of His mercy, revealed to me during Matins in the prayer of my repentance, in delivering me from the confusion and distress that befell me from hostility towards Father Deacon Peter, who opposed the clergy (and me) in singing magnification: before the polyeleos psalm was sung, he began stubbornly magnifying. I forgave him for this - for we are all sinners, the enemy acts incitingly in all of us. I thank the Lord for the gift of the voice, the peaceful, tender, unfailing service of the liturgy and for the gift of the most peaceful communion. Grant me, Lord, to endure with my wife all the domestic disorders and not to be irritated. God forbid forever from eating meat, especially fried meat: it extremely burdens and depresses the heart, hardens, kills, makes irritable, angry, removes him from God, turns him away from repentance and tenderness, makes him timid, fearful, powerless. A person who does not eat meat and is moderate in food in general is spiritually stronger. (Today I ate undercooked roast meat and made it bad. I drank two cups of coffee with cream, and also made it bad. I drowned and petrified my heart. With barely tears I begged the Lord to grant me forgiveness, peace, and tenderness. God gave me abundant tenderness. But the devil tried extremely hard to kill my spirit with cowardice and fear.) The Lord has spoken His manifold, endless power and mercy upon me and continually reveals it in my soul and in my body. I thank my Lord for this. During the divine service, I most clearly see the infinite goodness and power of my Lord Jesus Christ, how He cleanses the sinner, revives the dead, heals the weak, strengthens the powerless, encourages the sad, raises the fallen, enlightens the dark, warms and revives the cold, washes and glorifies those dishonored by sins. I see the omnipotence of my Lord daily in transforming me, in transforming bread and wine into His Most Pure Body and His Most Pure Blood, miraculously reviving me. I see that Jesus Christ in me is not either “yes” or “no” (2 Cor. 1:18-19). “No” – that is, it is as if the Lord is, then as if not. But in Him Himself I always see proof that it is He, my Savior, and there is no one who saves sovereignly and unceasingly. Glory, glory, glory to Him for this now and forever. Amen. That faith (or that Christian faith) is true, which daily and constantly destroys all-destroying sin in a person who believes, cleansing, sanctifying, enlightening, renewing, reviving, strengthening, and not that which leads to the destruction of sin, teaches other people to destroy (Catholicism) or which leads to false wisdom, to the domination of the corrupted mind over the Divine Revelation, to the rejection of the hierarchy, the Sacraments, fasting, almost everything that the Holy Spirit, acting in the holy apostles and holy fathers, established for our salvation; not the true Church, which was arbitrarily founded on the shaky, weak foundation of human wisdom and, as we know, did not save anyone; not the true Church that fell away from the living, blooming, fruitful, life-giving tree of the Apostolic Church. This is not the true Church that boldly and brazenly cut off the connection with the Church of the firstborn, written in heaven (Heb. 12, 23 ], pleasing to God, enjoying bliss in God, glorifying God and constantly praying for us (earthly, living) and helping us in the matter of salvation with their prayers; not the true Church that boldly, arrogantly, proudly broke off contact with the dead (or with the Church of the underworld) and considers prayers for them invalid. It is terrible how every day and hour sin intensifies in an insolent manner to establish in me its disastrous, nasty, evil dominion and the spiritual and physical death associated with it; he entangles me with his infernal nets, burdens me with heavy chains, plunges his deadly claws deep into me, defiles me with his corruptive breath, darkens me with hellish darkness, brings dishonor and shame to me within and without, binds the mind and tongue, kills feeling, paralyzes, kills or suppresses the will or good intentions and enterprises and drags me a bound captive to destruction eternal. If the Lord were not in us, then none of us would be able to overcome the enemy’s machinations, we would all perish; those who overcome are lifted up from here 16. Glory to the Lord, who conquers every sin in me every day and delivers me from the death of sin! What is the most powerful way to strengthen and nourish sin in me? What makes me weak? Dominant over me? - Gluttony and satiety, this is what destroys me and us all, this is why the dominion of sin intensifies in us. By fasting, sin weakens and, by the grace of God, completely loses its strength. Therefore, we must certainly fast and pray for salvation from sin and especially partake of the Holy Mysteries. Peace is taught to all in the Church as a sign that we have been reconciled with God in Christ Jesus, that the Kingdom of Christ is the Kingdom of Peace. I thank the Lord for the heavenly liturgy, which I celebrated today with the help of His grace, and for the communion of Divine Brush and Drink, and for the word He gave me to preach to the people. Glory to the Holy Spirit, who revives me, who is constantly being killed by sin, who patiently cleanses my iniquities, who heals my mental and physical ailments, who gives me boldness, strength, spiritual light, tenderness, peace, joy, freedom, courage, and glory. How many times have I been comforted by the Holy Spirit, calmed, cleansed, sanctified, warmed and brought to tenderness, freed from spiritual shackles, allowed. Glory to the Holy Spirit, who quickens every breath. October 28. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me to perform the Divine Liturgy without stumbling in a strong and clear voice and to receive Holy Communion in a life-giving manner, with a feeling of life-giving fire in my lips and throughout my whole being; I thank the Lord for the stumbling-free, animated prayer service to the Most Pure Mother of God, the holy martyr Paraskeva, and so on. with an akathist to the martyr Paraskeva. I thank the Lord for delivering me from hostility towards sister Anna through my prayer, for delivering me from tightness, for giving me peace and freedom. October 29. I thank the Lord, who strengthened me in the service of Matins; I especially thank the Lord, for he graciously soon heard me before the liturgy, repenting of my hostility towards the sexton, who opposed me and laughed; delivered me from sorrow, cramped conditions, spiritual death, and disgrace. I thank the Lord, who miraculously revived me with Divine Communion, I thank the Lord, who quickly heard my prayer in the sorrow of my heart before the baptism of the baby at Chikhachev and gave me peace, freedom, and boldness. God! Give rest, peace, contentment, joy and bliss to my heart for the sake of Your name, for the sake of Your goodness and Your bounties. Your reward is abundant in heaven (Matthew 5:12). The true reward of a Christian is in heaven, in Christ God, My reward is with Me, to reward everyone according to his deeds (Rev. 22:12). I am the one who tests the hearts and bellies (Ps. 7:10) and I will reward you according to your deeds. Don't look for rewards on earth. This leads to humiliation, flattery, and worship. Yesterday I ate two raw eggs and drank a cup of carrot juice, which is why my heart is sad at night, and in the morning, and my sleep is interrupted. October 30. I thank the Lord, who has now revived my dead soul in many ways and times, and especially through the communion of the Divine Mysteries. Glory to Your bounties, glory to Your strength, glory to Your holiness and righteousness, glory to Your wisdom, glory to Your condescension, O O One Lover of Mankind! The Lady constantly shows Her quiet, effective, strong help to me, and through Her Mother’s prayer, intercession and intercession I am saved from my passions and from my enemies, visible and invisible, especially during divine services from invisible enemies who fight me against evil. Ask me, Lady, a pure heart from Your Son and God, so that with a pure heart I will love You and glorify You, for behold, my heart is extremely impure, exuding the stupidity of unclean and nasty thoughts. October 30, 1874. I thank the Lord, who has now honored me with the joy of partaking of the Divine Mysteries, reviving my deadness, taking away my sinfulness, and giving health to my weakness. I thank the Lord, who saved me many times this evening from the confusion, sorrow and distress that befell me because of the drunken sexton Preobrazhensky, who mockingly bawled in church at Vespers. I thank the Lord for everything. October 31st. God! Grant me to fulfill Your word - to love my enemies, to bless my scolders and offenders, to do good to those who hate me and those who harm me (the archpriest and sexton of Preobrazhensky) (Matthew 5:44). Let not a single evil, unkind or contemptuous thought touch my heart, for they, like me, are in Your image and likeness, and they are Your members, although they bear the wounds of sins, although they are mistaken, like me, in their hearts. I myself sin a lot before You and before them. May I not be indignant at the archpriest’s insults and the sexton’s curses and faults, may I not take revenge on them with any evil and contemptuous thought or glance, word, action, may I always submit my offense to the righteous Judge. Then I will be at peace. May I not be overcome by evil, but may I overcome evil with good (Rom. 12:21). During this terrible fire in Kronstadt, the Lord did a wonderful and righteous deed: fill the hungry with their blessings, let go of the rich... cast down the mighty from the throne, from their rich houses, like royal houses, and exalt the humble, the poor - into the mansions of the rich (Luke 1: 53, 52). Wonderful are Your works, Holy King! So one rich man from our midst, a stingy one, was thrown to a sick bed. Rule and judge Thy Lord (Ps. 119, 137)! And the other, a ready victim of God’s justice, turned to attacks and insults. May the Lord judge him for indulging a lawless clergyman, a slanderer, a mocker, a blasphemer, who opens his mouth wide against me and against God. Yesterday (the Bazhenins) released their leave at the memorial service, with God’s help, without stumbling, calmly, expressively. God bless. The fighter countered the enemy with the following thought: Am I wiser than the Church that I will distort her words? - and defeated him, the flatterer. God bless! God! And conquer, humble, and bring to reason my visible enemies! If the sexton Preobrazhensky confesses, then impose penance on him to humble his insolence. November 1st. Late mass and funeral service for the servant of God Neonilla (Bazhenina). I thank the Lord, who gave me life from the dead through my prayer and falling before His terrible and life-giving throne. Because of the sexton Preobrazhensky, I did not serve Matins today, because of his drunkenness, rudeness, insolence, and blasphemy against the service, expressed yesterday at Vespers. The archpriest served Matins in my place. The funeral service was performed safely, solemnly, cheerfully, and without stumbling. God! Give me the riches of Your righteousness, the riches of Your peace, for this is the treasure of life. May I not fall into untruth, may I not lose Your peace, which You abundantly bestow on me through my worship and especially through the communion of the Divine Mysteries. (After this prayer I became peaceful, but before that I was worried.) Glory to the Lord. And from the lips of the clerk I must patiently listen to reproaches, for he can and sometimes speaks the truth, although he slanderes a lot, for I am not without sins against him. We must not forget that the person who sins and is guilty against us is our brother, our member and member of Christ, redeemed, like us, by His blood, and for his guilt, for example, for insolence, disobedience, drunkenness, do not alienate him from your heart, but love, pity, endure him, punish him according to his guilt with patience and meekness, lest he come to his senses and correct himself; not to remember the insults and evil inflicted on them, for this is how Christ acted - to leave debts to our debtors, as the Lord Himself leaves to us. Reading the prayer of the Mother of God: I sing Your grace and my Most Holy Lady Theotokos 18, I became peaceful. November 2. I thank the Lord, who delivered me from hostility towards the sexton Preobrazhensky, for his former insolence and blasphemy, who pacified my soul and showed me great help in the service of Matins, cheerful, bright-voiced, unstumbling. Glory to God, who continually works miracles in me! Same day. I thank the Lord and exalt Him for His immeasurable mercy and goodness towards me, for through the prayer of my repentance I have cleansed my sins today and delivered them from mortal aphids; I thank you for granting me to perform the holy liturgy with boldness and to partake of the Divine Mysteries for the cleansing of sins, sanctification, revival, and enlightenment. You have given me reproach to the fool (Ps. 38:9). In the world, the words of eternal life are neglected, and the words of vanity, the bait of sin and vice, are considered great. The world is the personification of the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). And just as theater is a church or a model of the world, so is the theater. Yesterday, during the all-night vigil, the evil demon confused me with his ghost and did not allow me to glorify the mercy, generosity, love of mankind of the Only Begotten Son of God after the Gospel, and then at the dismissal to mention the martyrs Akepsim, Joseph and Aifal. Let there be nothing like this, neither today, nor forever, never. May the Lord help you. And it was from eating meat, generally from satiety, on November 3rd. Resurrection. November 3. Resurrection. After late mass in the Duma. I was subjected to a terrible temptation today on the occasion of Father Deacon Taratin taking three prosphoras from the laity, brought to the altar, having a satiated womb, a strong stomach, in damp, snowy weather, I was conveniently abused by the all-evil enemy the devil during the liturgy, precisely during the Gospel and then during the litanies, the Cherubic song, when it would be necessary to especially put off everything everyday care. It was here again that I learned all the terrible harm from eating meat and the need for abstinence and fasting. It was then that I learned all the harm from carnal knowledge and the need to live in spirit, strive for grief, count all food and everything worldly, pleasant to the taste, sight, smell, touch, as rubbish and not value anything. Father Deacon only took fifteen kopecks worth of prosphoras, but I had thousands of, so to speak, rubles worth of anxiety, shame, cramped conditions, and mental suffering. Moreover, Father Deacon took responsibility. I take it myself, but forbid others. But the Lord sent five rubles to the income of the Duma church. I have nothing to do with your face, and you have nothing to do with mine - and you and I care about the work of God, about the truth of God. (During the service.) So, I am not ashamed in the name of God. This is what theater teaches,” someone told me, pointing to dissolute houses. And in fact, I thought, the theater plays out love intrigues best. When I perform the Sacraments, I am not mine, but God’s, I am the royal priesthood, I am a prophet and apostle and evangelist of God, or an angel of the Lord Almighty. May all my selfhood then run away from me, all sins, all sinful inclinations and passions, then may they not have the slightest place in my heart where they could lay their head, but may my Lord Jesus Christ dwell in me then, as always, entirely. Wake up! Amen. November 3. Sunday evening. Before the wedding of Nedonoskova and (N. Kurilo), a border officer. Die entirely to yourself during the celebration of the Sacraments and services of God, and be alive for God, be entirely in God. I thank the Lord, who allowed Nedonoskova to marry in the Duma Church, although with some omissions due to demonic fear. I’m almost past the age to be afraid, said Father Archpriest Vasily Saltykov. Yes, me too. So, I will not be afraid of anyone or anything. But give me a pure heart, Lord, so that I fear no one and nothing but You, Lord! You have known, felt the existence of God, my soul, you have known His holiness, goodness, wisdom, justice and rightness, His omnipresence, His omniscience and knowledge of the heart, His obedience and quick obedience, His strength, His peacefulness, all-bliss, His infinite lordship, His immeasurable beauty, His infinite sweetness - why do you still love vanity and you seek lies (Ps. 4:3), why do you cleave to the world, to the passionate flesh? Doesn't it remain for you to cleave completely to God, to love Him with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength? The prototype came to the image, the Creator to the creature. This thought, its implementation, permeates all Christianity, all worship. Unity, the greatness of the task of Christianity - reconciliation with God, the performance of the Sacraments, the purification and sanctification of Christians, elevation to Christian perfection, salvation. When you pray to the Lord, know that He is near you, in your mouth and in your heart (Rom. 10:8), loves you as His child, His image, and unceasingly does you good, lives you, cleanses, sanctifies, enlightens, pacifies, strengthens, comforts, nourishes, helps you - and with extreme love call on Him, thank and glorify Him, for this is your duty, your life, your strength and your glory. Remember what heavenly, holy society you are a member of, I mean the Church of Christ. What perfect members, written in heaven, make up this Church, I mean, firstly, the Head Himself, the Lord Jesus Christ, then His Most Blessed Mother, then the holy Angels, all the heavenly ranks; then the Baptist of John, who was no longer among those born of women (Matthew 11:11); then the holy apostles - the new creation, spirit-bearing prophets, hierarchs, reverend and God-bearing fathers, who even during earthly life became the abode of God; martyrs, unmercenaries, the righteous and all the saints - remember this and know what holiness, what perfection is required of you, a member of the same Body. I shouldn’t eat meat: it’s harmful (maybe (cancer) in the stomach), I can’t sleep peacefully, especially in the morning, the stench from the winds is unbearable. I am concerned with my own face and all appearances, as well as with the faces and appearances of others, but I deliberately distract and distract my gaze from the inner face of the soul, ugly, stinking. By my face I imagine myself to be something, while in my soul I am insignificant, like the greatest sinner. Grant me, Lord, to pay all my attention to the inner world of the soul. He served mass and all-night vigil not in strength, but in weakness of spirit due to gluttony and satiety, he was exposed to theft of a spiritual enemy - only with tears, bitter tears of repentance, was he saved from troubles. I was angry with my wife before the all-night vigil for spilling wooden oil from a bottle and for frequent sloppiness and malfunctions - and ulcers, sorrow and oppression seized my soul; While walking along the road and in church, I repented, and soon the Lord accepted my repentance. I am also angry because of my attachment to things that are nothing. What is more valuable: a thing or peace of mind, love, meekness, kindness, patience? The benefits of an immaterial, immortal soul are infinitely more valuable. What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul? or what ransom will a man give for his soul? (Matthew 16:26). – Only the Blood of the Son of God, and nothing worldly can redeem it. Treasure the salvation of your soul most of all. Everything on earth is wrong, perverse, 19 impermanent. God is one, eternal faithfulness and truth. The crafty and all-evil enemy pestered me yesterday at a prayer service at the (customs) fire guard on the occasion of the end of navigation at the end in words and in all virtues (grant success). I thank the Lord for the gift of the Divine Liturgy in the Duma Church. Funeral Saturday on November 9th. The Lord granted it without stumbling. And the temptations were strong, especially on the occasion of taking (several) money for a cab driver. November 10. Resurrection. I thank the Lord, who delivered me yesterday in the hall of the City Duma from hostility towards my father, the archpriest, due to his disrespect for me that seemed to me (he did not get up to say hello) and from the embarrassment, cramped conditions, and shame that befell me. I cried out to the Lord in repentance alone, and the Lord had mercy on me, showed me wonderful clarity, giving me peace and boldness. Today, during early mass, I was faced with an extremely serious temptation because Deacon Peter Safronov did not usually kiss his hand out of negligence and inattention. Throughout the entire mass, from the great entrance to the end, I was in strong devilish agony (this is pride in me). But it serves me right for gluttony and satiety. The devil slandered me about the deacon, incited me, incited me to hostility towards him. But, according to the word of the Lord, I must be a gentle lamb and rejoice if for the sake of the Lord they revile or insult me ​​(Luke 6:22). He didn’t say anything to the deacon, he moved it. But he prayed to the Lord to enlighten him, and even, alas! - to punish in general for negligence and malfunction regarding service and ritual, cleanliness on the throne and on the altar. November 11. Morning. My heart is bad, it’s heavy from eating meat in the evening and eating pie. Yesterday I celebrated three weddings. At the last one, he looked slyly at the groom and laughed, and for a long time he could not calm down from the action of the enemy. The enemy overcomes me not with fear, but with laughter; I have little or no fear of God. Sinners! What about gluttony and satiety?! God! I forgive my wife’s sins against me, for she is a person, like me, subject to infirmities. But enlighten her, Lord, curb her, make her submissive to her husband, just as Sarah was submissive to Abraham, who called for his master; Make her pious, grant Thy fear and part of my fear to her, so that she will always be afraid of upsetting me with failure to correct everyday affairs, sloppiness, and resistance. In the chapter on the church (the science of worship), it is necessary to write morally about how Christians should look at themselves, at soul and body. - Like the church of God: Don’t you know that you are the church of God, and the Spirit of God lives in you?.. Your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit living in you (1 Cor. 3:16; 6:19). About the Church: you are the church of the living God, as God said: I will dwell in them and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they will be My people [2 Cor. 6, 16]. About icons of saints, or images. How should a Christian view himself? - As a living image of God and portray in oneself the divine virtues and perfections: goodness, meekness, kindness, truth, mercy, long-suffering, generosity. I thank the Lord, who has granted me to perform the holy liturgy and partake of the revival of the Holy Mysteries. I thank the Lord, who showed me His help in the gymnasium, when I was indignant at the ignorant teacher Udaltsov and, embarrassed and hurt, I cried out to You (in the fourth grade) with complete faith in repentance. Let them go: they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34). I thank the Lord for my celebration of the Liturgy; the enemy was embarrassed and pressed because of the voice of sexton Zrelov, who seemed rude and tense. He took part in revival, in peace, in miracles. Glory to the Lord! I went out of town to the grave of Anastasia Mikhailovna, my spiritual daughter (Morozova). I thank the Lord, who, through my fervent prayer, exchanged anger and hostility towards my family for goodness and consumed my spiritual death. On the way to the gymnasium. I thank the Lord, who exchanged the uncleanness of the flesh and heart for something holy in the fourth grade of the gymnasium. The Lord justifies my intentions: the basement of the shelter is now filled with fire victims. The Lord brought down to the ground the words of reproach of Philip Stepanov, who in his pride and conceit did not allow us, the church trustees, to establish a vocational school. And what a good room there is!!! Great is the Lord, who destroys contrary intentions and actions! God! I surrender myself entirely to You and commit my son Philip to You - I don’t want to have anything against him, just protect me, Lord, against him and against the evil spirits that arm me against him and confuse me. The Lord executes His judgments on those who oppose me; I have no reason to interfere with my weakness, with my sinful anger, with my embarrassment and dislike towards them. I will be completely, by the grace of God, kind to all my opponents, to the work of God that I am doing, and to those who oppose. Wake up! Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord (Rom. 12:19). Be His holy will. But let me not take revenge on any of those who oppose the works of the Lord with any hostile feeling, for all of us, and I especially, are sinful in our thoughts, feelings, undertakings, actions and are the playground of sin and the devil. I see clearly that God cannot be mocked: my former sextons mocked me and the divine service, and they themselves were mocked by the Righteous God, and so were all the other people who mocked me in one way or another. Grant me, Lord, to please You completely, take away my anger from me and grant me kindness and everlasting peace in the face of my persecutors. I thank the Lord for the gift of help from above during the service of the liturgy for the health of Philip Stepanov in the Assumption Church; I was in great poverty for the sake of gluttony, I cried from embarrassment and sorrow. And after communion of the Holy Mysteries, sadness was transformed into joy, cramped space into space, death into life. Glory to the Lord! The troubles came after Philip Stepanov’s snack and a home-cooked lunch with meat, a burden. The fire of Gehenna, prepared for the devil and his angels, frightens me! Yes, I mourn my many sins. The Lord surprised the abyss of His mercy on Angels and people, creating them in His image, making them gods - and some spirits did not resist and fell, people did not resist in piety and truth and fell. – It’s their own fault: ungrateful, proud, impudent, inattentive to the only thing needed. Gluttony is idolatry. I suffered greatly from eating meat last night, and in the morning, during Matins and early mass, there was extreme sorrow and oppression. November 15. I thank the Lord for the liturgy and for the communion of the Divine Mysteries. During mass, he was mortally sorrowful and was offended by the sexton for the rude tone of the singing; Only by the grace of the Holy Mysteries did he overcome his fierce hostility towards the sexton, which was often renewed, and after drinking the Holy Mysteries with faith and tenderness he felt wonderful, peaceful, and free. Glory to the Lord! Glory to the Lord for this and for the fact that through His name I conquered in class the feeling of lewdness that carried me away. Glory to God, who saved me from Father Alexander Perov. The enemy constantly distracts attention from our soul, which is very important and necessary due to the infinite price of the soul, due to its fallen state, and inspires us to constantly engage in either condemnation of others, or self-interest, gluttony, drunkenness, love of fame, or games, empty pursuits, readings, etc., and thus constantly robs us and destroys us. November 16. He came to Matins, began to sing, the voice was rattling, unclean, difficult, but when he glorified the Holy Apostle Matthew in the stichera at Praise, the voice brightened, purified, strengthened; at early mass the voice was clear and sonorous; He served mass well, received communion for cleansing, sanctification, revitalization, and peace. I thank the Lord who has mercy on me. He sinned against the Lord by being angry with a beggar for his malfunction, for not registering his passport, which is why he was not accepted into the factory. 16th and 17th. I am grateful to the Lord for the ineffable mercy shown to me in the past days in the forgiveness of my free sins, in the taking away of sinful death and the torpor of hell, in the granting of life from the dead, help and girding with power from above. During the Liturgy yesterday I felt very unwell - in cramped conditions, sorrow, weakness, fear, but then the grace of God took me into His arms when the Lord saw that I was earnestly seeking (Him) in my spiritual and physical weakness. I took part in the wonderful revival, peace, boldness, freedom. Praise the Lord. He preached the sermon with boldness and much power. Spent the whole day in need. I sinned: I broke my fast at home - I ate meat cabbage soup and milk. And at night there were unclean visions. Gluttony and voluptuousness kills the spiritual life in a person, as I have experienced this myself many times, it makes one cold toward God and one’s neighbor, making one hard-hearted, irritable, angry, and lazy. And through one gluttony one can destroy a soul - it is not for nothing that it is called a mortal sin. Lord, have mercy on me! (I see how the enemy often overcomes and kills me because of gluttony.) The Holy Scripture, like the worship of our Orthodox Church, is an incomprehensible, unsearchable depth. We must constantly reflect on them, ponder them, in order to be completely imbued with both, so that both have a complete impact on our entire life, and first of all, we must fast and pray, show active love for God and our neighbors every day. November 18. Monday. I thank you for performing the heavenly liturgy without stumbling and for reviving you with Divine communion. I thank the Lord for repeatedly delivering me from my evils and from the deadening, numbing feeling of envy that instantly seized me in the apartment of the priest Father Vladimir Fedorovich Krasnopolsky against my will; I got rid of this fury through prayer. I received news of my nomination to the archpriest. The Metropolitan wrote a resolution on the 17th: to submit it to the Holy Synod. Not to me, not to me, but to Thy name, to Thy grace, O Lord, be glory, but to me is the shame of my face (Dan. 9:8), for mine are only sins and weaknesses, all that is good in me is from Thy grace. I praise Your grace; I will not be proud, Lord, of the new dignity coming to me, if you deign to give it to me. Take, eat: this is My Body... drink of it, all of you: for this is My Blood, the New Testament... which is shed for many for the remission of sins (Matthew 26:26-28). What should you feel and do internally at this time? One must have heartfelt contrition for sins, repentance, gratitude for the infinitely great gift of God's mercy, hate all sin and love all Truth. Why is worship performed with two parties in mind - the inviting one and the responding one? For the mutual, unanimous participation of pastors and flocks in the performance of worship. (In the textbook, in church conversations.) What do I look for from people? Is not the Lord my righteous King, and my reward, and my blessedness, and eternal life? Oh, rest in God, my soul, and always be trustworthy. You are chasing pleasures, but have you acquired faith? Love for God? Have you cleansed your heart of choking passions? Have you acquired true love for your neighbor? Is your heart pure? Is it free from anger, pride, envy, fornication, self-will, love of money, love of glory, hard-heartedness, despondency, laziness? This time of life is a war with the flesh, the world, the devil - have you defeated the enemies that you have laid down your weapons and armor? You have no fasting, no prayer, no word of God, but only earthly affairs and pleasures. Yesterday at Father Vladimir Krasnopolsky's I had tea with lemon and a glass of white wine (port), and part of a bun, and at home a cup of milk and an apple. I slept well, but I had bad visions, and in the morning it was hard to serve Matins; the stomach is strong. I sinned: I insulted the members of Christ - the poor, I offended them, being angry with them for the sake of stinginess and addiction to money, for they asked many for a lot, but I was sorry to give many a lot. I repent, I blame myself mercilessly, I beat myself up. I thank the Lord for the wonderful revival of the Divine Mysteries after communion and for the repeated deliverance from sins throughout this day. Thank you for the gift of speech in the fourth grade: I spoke with strength and consistency, fluency. In what ways is criminal pride expressed? For example, in the following: we do not spare anything for ourselves, we do not spare the most expensive materials for clothing, but we spare our neighbor even the cheapest, just to cover his nakedness and protect him from air changes; We do not spare the most exquisite food and drink for ourselves, and we spare our neighbors even simple bread; For ourselves we do not regret spending money on unnecessary or empty things or on things and pleasures that are very expensive, but for our neighbors we spare a few kopecks; We ourselves treat our neighbors (of course, those who are lower than us) proudly, sternly, contemptuously, but we want others to treat us with respect, kindness, and obsequiousness; They themselves are ready to torment the guilty, the faulty, the insulted, and perhaps we are tormenting them, but they don’t dare say a nasty word to us. That’s how I am, by the way, a great sinner. Lord, have mercy on me. In the Sacrament of Repentance, before the priest pronounces judgment on us, each of us must pronounce an impartial, strict judgment on ourselves, and the more strictly and sincerely we judge ourselves, the more merciful God will be to us, the more complete forgiveness he will grant us. If we judged ourselves, we would not be judged (1 Cor. 11:31). Why don’t you judge by yourself? - says the Lord (Luke 12:57). Superficial, absent-minded, cold prayer or similar standing in church during divine services is greatly facilitated by our clerics and often by the deacons and priests themselves, who perform the service of God fluently and carelessly, without a sense of reverence. One thing speaks a lot to our hearts, for example, left to us by some high person who benefactored us, or generally by a loved and respected person who was in a hurry somewhere far away or died, especially as a sacrifice for us. We take care of, honor, often decorate this thing, put it in a prominent place so that it is always in sight and reminds us of our benefactor and awakens in us feelings of love and gratitude, which stall and fall asleep from everyday worries and vanities. This is precisely the most life-giving Cross for us of our Lord Jesus Christ, who died on it as a sacrifice for us of the righteous wrath of God and redeemed us on it from sin, curse and eternal torment. Such further are the holy icons of the Lord, His Most Pure Mother and the holy saints of God, such are the very churches in which divine services are performed, with memories so precious to our hearts of the wonderful actions of God the Creator, Provider and Savior of ours, and the Sacraments, through which we are reborn, sanctified, confirmed in the faith, spiritually nourished, healed spiritually and physically, in which the living and active word of God is constantly heard - the lamp of our life. These holy things, holy objects speak a lot, a lot to our mind and heart, and no one can blame us for respect and reverence for them. Why do you need to love God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind? Because all man is God's; everything: mind, heart, soul and body - everything is God’s. Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. In what way was the glory of the Most Holy Trinity of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit especially manifested? – In man, created in the image and likeness of God, and in the redemption of man by the incarnation of the Son of God. She also appeared and appears especially brightly in the holy people of God; it manifests itself in every person in providence, protection, mercy, purification, sanctification, long-suffering and in various countless miracles performed by God for people (in the Old and New Testaments) or by the people of God. That is why we often proclaim the glory of God in church during divine services, when we glorify God’s wonderful deeds, accomplished for our salvation, or the deeds of God’s holy saints, accomplished by the grace of God. November 21st. I thank the Lord of my life for accepting the service of my liturgy, for the cleansing of sins, sanctification, revitalization - peace, joy in Him. I thank you because my despondency at the meeting with my evil enemy (as it seemed to me) Archpriest Lamanov was soon taken away by the Lord through prayer of faith and trust in Him and destroyed all hostility towards him in my heart. Thank you for my new despondency and grief, confusion in Fedorov’s apartment Alex. Due to the fact that sexton Zrelov did not take the right tone, Fedorovich was again taken away from my heart through the prayer of my repentance. I thank the Lord, for the Lord also took away the greatest sorrow, oppression, despondency, confusion during the festive all-night vigil at the end or before the end. He has sinned through gluttony and delicacy and is worthy of all punishment from the Lord, he is hard-hearted towards the poor. I saw in a dream a strong fire in Kronstadt, as if the house (M...) had burned down and 29 other houses; From afar, he first looked at the flames, then he came to the place of the fire and already found ashes with a small fire, he was furious at the flames for the fact that it burns - not only that it shines; a high wooden fence surrounded by ashes to keep the flames from spreading further (absurdity) - this is how I live absurdly: my deeds are similar to this (Lord, have mercy). Gluttony burns and destroys me. How long do I torment myself with it? How long will I not fast? There is a wonderful harmony of order, beauty, life in the world of God, which is beautiful in all respects, but this harmony is not present in the human race, which sins in every possible way and disfigures itself and nature, as far as it depends on them. Wonderful harmony is perfect in the saints of God. Hallowed be the name of God. The medium summoned the spirit of Christopher Columbus. The spiritualist preached that souls live between the Earth and the Moon after death. Sweet and sour bread turned out to be very difficult for the heart (all-night vigil). That the director doesn’t give me a cross is a matter of providence. I thank the Lord for this too, for it is for my benefit. November 21st. Before and during mass, I felt very ill, both from the windy, blizzard weather from the south, and from eating yesterday evening a significant amount of porridge and vinaigrette with vinegar. In the late afternoon I ate cabbage soup with fish and fried fish - and this strengthened everything in the strongest possible way, and so my heart became extremely heavy and tight. Lenten food: Lenten pie with cabbage, cabbage soup with smelt, a glass of good sherry had a very good effect on me, without burdening my heart and body; he served Vespers in a loud, clear voice, without stumbling; I baptized the baby at the customs office with the inspector magnificently, easily, freely. God bless! Why do I need fast food? November 22. Which (out of the two), rtsy, will love him more?.. I think that he is greater than his father (Russian: more forgave) (Luke 7, 42 – 43). This is me, to whom the Lord has today forgiven an infinitely great debt of anger, rage, foul language, and blasphemy. For the first time in my life today I scolded the annoying, beggar boy Alexei with a foul word, because he certainly wanted me to give him the alms he wanted. Before, I gave to him often and willingly, but now, when I provided for many beggars at the church, and he came later, catching up with me on the street, when I was no longer inclined to give more on the street, he demanded brazenly. I couldn’t stand my temper, I lost patience and wanted to give him a kick, but he slipped away, and then came to me again, and I used a foul word in rage, and then I strongly repented, and the Lord had mercy on me when I went to Popov Alex. Ivanovich to Karpov's house. Even before Vespers, the Lord mercifully heard the prayer of repentance for my passion for the poor, and instead of confusion and oppression, He gave me peace and spaciousness of soul and body. And during mass today the Lord miraculously revived me, deadened by sins. Glory to His mercy! All gluttony, all the sweets fall on the heart, burden it, coarse it, harden it, defile it. As long as we are alive, let everyone take care of healing the greatest, destructive, terrible illness, deeply rooted in the hearts, I mean sin, let him think about it day and night, let him not be carried away by the pleasures of this world, food and drink, collecting treasures, let him not seek honors, let him not attach his heart to spectacles, for all this is fleeting smoke, blinding the eyes of the heart and blackening the soul, this the shackles that bind the soul. All this alienates the soul from God, and does not bring it closer, does not appropriate it to Him, all this brings into it sinful corruption and death. Have we become alienated and moved away from God? The corruption of sin bursts into all our windows, I mean our senses: every day we see corruption, and we hear and breathe the stench of sin, and we smell and touch corruption; our hearts became close, merged, so to speak, with the choking sin, and left the source of living water, the grace of God - the church of God and worship, prayers and the Sacraments. A person becomes worse than a beast, some kind of monster, a villain who breathes evil, if he falls away from faith and the Church (and I would be like that if it weren’t for the faith in me, which is from God). Example: the husband of the former Balykina, Mikhail Arkhipovich. And how quickly does inherited wealth pass away and destroy its owners! (A story by Alex. Ivanovich Popov about the merchants of St. Petersburg. We have an example in Kronstadt - the heir of Lev Dmitriev. Horror. Who will get what you have prepared? [Λ. κ. 12, 20].) November 23. I thank the all-good and long-suffering Lord, who made me worthy to perform the liturgy, albeit in the closeness of my heart, and to overcome by His grace the demonic malice against the sexton Zrelov for his rude singing, which, however, seemed so due to the slander of an incorporeal enemy. At the beginning of the prayers, a prayer to the Heavenly King is read to the Holy Spirit, because He is the Helmsman of the Holy Church and all Orthodox Christians; After the Lord’s ascension into heaven, He came into the world to accomplish the salvation of people, so brilliantly, gloriously accomplished by the Son of God, He teaches good, pure, fiery prayer, He enlightens, cleanses hearts, takes away sins, sanctifies, strengthens in the service of God, revives, leads to perfection. How long, Lord, will I be a slave to Satan, subjected to his violence during public prayer and not pronouncing certain names and words? Grant me, Lord, Father, Son and Holy Soul, to take power over him, not to be afraid of anyone because of his slander, not to think anything frightening about any of the people, for all people are weak and sinful, to look everyone straight in the eyes, as if at the image of God, for man is in the image of God. To Anglicans and Lutherans: do you want there to be no images so that they are not venerated? Yes, this is absurdity, absurdity. Man is the image of God, and you honor him in the person of father, mother, rulers, sovereign, and various benefactors. But don’t you want to venerate the image of God in the flesh, the Father, the Leader of the faith, the King, the Savior, the Benefactor or His Most Pure Mother the Virgin, the supreme Cherub and all creation, prophets, apostles, martyrs, hierarchs, saints? After all, the saints are His friends, churches, His members, in whom He rests. Do you not know that you are the church of God, and the Spirit of God lives in you? (1 Cor. 3:16). Yes, and we are all members of His body, from His flesh and from His bones (Eph. 5:30), His sons and daughters, His 20th birth (John 15:5). The Holy Church, like a loving Mother, constantly carries all her members in her heart and on her lips, intercedes for everyone before God, suffers for everyone, for everyone, as if in the throes of birth, wants to spiritually revive and renew everyone, even prays for the whole world and is constantly sick. What a bishop and priest or deacon should be like, these bearers of the spirit of the Church, heralds of her spirit, her love, her cares, and intentions! What a spirit of love, sanctity, and salvation they must be constantly imbued with! How they must everywhere bring and carry with them the spirit of the Holy Church (the heavenly, unearthly spirit, the spirit of unfeigned love), patient and long-suffering, covering, caring for everyone, suffering! Yes, a priest must be like an Angel of God in spirit, like His servant, a proclaimer of His will, His holiness, His righteousness, His love, meekness and long-suffering. Although you are too lazy to pray, and sleep weighs on you, overcome yourself, beat your laziness - this is necessary for your soul; If real bodily weakness overcomes you, cheer yourself up with hot tea, and again, being encouraged, begin to pray, but do not abandon the prayer rule. Prayer cleanses the atmosphere of the soul within, enlightens and strengthens the soul. Thanks be to the Lord, who granted me a great victory over the invisible enemies who fought me fiercely for yesterday’s satiety. I accidentally looked at the pile of prosphoras on the table that I had taken out, and for a moment I envied the prosphora maker that she would have a lot of money (and she owed me), and I was hurt and extremely embarrassed by this thought and feeling of envy, and could not say peacefully and without stumbling: Remember first, Lord... grant them to Thy Holy Churches in peace, whole, honest, healthy, long-lived 21 ... I barely begged the Lord to give me the grace of deliverance from the violence of the enemy in the face of my passion. What did I, a priest, a communicant of the Divine Body and Blood, envy? - To decay. Having the incorruptible Brashno, abiding in the eternal belly, I envied the one who makes the perishing Brushno 22. Oh, madness, absurdity! Insolence! This is what it means to love treats and have an addiction to perishable food! Oh, how I anger the Lord, the immortal Bridegroom of my soul, who betrothed me to Himself in faith, in mercy and generosity, in eating and drinking His Most Pure Body and Blood, in long-suffering, in purifications, in spiritual resurrection, in healings, in many different kinds of help, in intercession! The priest's robe, the roof of God's wings, means: the priest, as a shepherd, must cover and protect all his sheep, gathers them like kokosh 23 chicks under his wings, so that the mental kite does not kidnap them, so that the wolf does not snatch and tear them to pieces. I do not find meekness, humility and compliance in my wife, when I, as the head of the house, demand what is due from her - constant willfulness, contradiction, irritability, strange character. However, I don’t justify myself either - I’m impatient, unloving, irritable, proud, demanding, exacting. God! Teach me meekness and humility, kindness and patience, and create a sign for good with my wife. And I will relax the punishments 24 for my wife and servants. It is better to remain silent and endure than to speak with people who do not want to obey and reason. November 26. And I am still with You, most merciful Lord! I thank You, long-suffering and abundantly merciful, for the great deliverance of me last night from the sin of hostility and quarrel with my wife. You performed a miracle of Your goodness and power on me, snatching me from the jaws of the hellish serpent that had wrapped itself around my ribs. In the courtyard, between the gardens, I walked and repented. All this irritability of mine occurs, firstly, because of jealousy that my wife does not have ardor and zeal for me, even though she is attentive to me when I come home after services, while strangers show me very great attention and zeal. But I must remember the word of the Lord that a prophet cannot speak without honor (without attention), only in his own country and in his own house and among his kindred (Matthew 13:57). Secondly, I am upset because of the disorder of my wife and servants at home, but these disorder are external; I, a priest, should not pay attention to them; in general, I should not pay attention to the Appearance and the thingness, because of which the soul suffers so much, even in the image and likeness of God, having eternal existence, but to adhere to meekness, humility, gentleness, quietness. The devil tirelessly carries out the soul-crushing work of sin in me, day and night, with various passions and lusts, seeking to destroy me or to hinder and bind me: gluttony, lust, contemplation, stinginess, covetousness, especially anger and hostility. We need extreme, constant attention to ourselves, to our thoughts, feelings, words, movements, lest sin enter and catch me like a bird in a snare. So, yesterday during mass, through one glance from the outside at a pile of prosphoras, from which we have more income than the prosphora maker, he confused me, confused me, and offended me. Lord, save me from catching him. Amen. Grant me, Lord, to constantly breathe in the spirit of meekness, kindness, patience, the spirit of love for everyone, especially for those close to me, my family, forbearing, enduring, covering, forgiving, To love God with all your heart means to deny yourself, your corrupt nature, evil, envious, stingy, self-seeking, adulterous, angry, greedy, lazy, wayward, rebellious, evil, which means to live heavenly on earth. We must love God with all our being, because our entire being is God’s. November 26. I thank the Lord for the gift of peace that I asked for myself and my wife: after a heated disagreement, we sincerely reconciled and began to fervently desire peace and its continuation. Last night I almost destroyed the world through the child Rufina, my wife shouted at me because of her, a stubborn child, and I was offended by it - I endured it and did not open my lips anymore - the trouble passed. November 27. God! Every human beauty, the most perfect, is only a weak ray, one ray or one weak shadow of Your Divine, most perfect, unchanging, eternal beauty. May I love You, the original, eternal, most perfect Beauty, and in the beauty of creatures may I love You, the Creator of creation. Glory to the breath of the Holy Spirit, cleansing, sanctifying, pacifying, life-giving, appropriating, resolving sins, giving freedom, strength, boldness, strength, light, life from the dead every day. November 30. Morning. I thank the Lord for the gift of repentance and tenderness and deliverance from the oppression of sin during Matins and for the gift of peace, tranquility, and space. God! if You had been here, my soul would not have died [Jn. 11, 32 ]] December 1st. Without serving the Liturgy last week (not another one), I completely died spiritually: the enemy desecrated me [...] at night for my intemperance; I, like a dumb animal, was carried away by food and drink and ate greedily to the point of satiation repeatedly; he was angry and irritable towards the poor and household, quarreled with his wife, although he later made peace; I had no peace and freedom in my soul. I was dead without the Lord. At the liturgy on St. Andrew's Day (November 30), I was completely bound by hellish bonds: despondency, cramped conditions, terrible dumbness; at the great entrance I could not speak anything from the demonic ghosts, from the fear of the demonic my tongue clung to my lips, I was filled with shame and disgrace; throughout the mass I felt like I was dead, tied up, killed. Terrible hours – the hours of God’s abandonment! I called on the Lord many times - and there was no obedience for my great sins, for breaking the fast and for others. The bitter, Rhine wine 26 and champagne gave me a headache yesterday and today. Yesterday I twice became embittered at the beggars who bother me with their requests: oh, why do I still live for myself, and not for the Lord, not for my neighbors? But I suffer, but the demons laugh at me - they scare me with ghosts. Whoever wants to save his soul will lose it - his soul, that is, carnal life, carnal well-being, property, health, worldly benefits; and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it (Matthew 16:25). I, the accursed one, am doing the wrong thing: I want to save my soul, that is, to revive the sinful flesh with its passions - for what? For temporary pleasure - in order to perish forever. Many people do this at every step. It often happens that I want to save money for myself and not give it to the poor, I want to make myself calm and content in this life, I get angry with the beggars when they come to ask me in large numbers, I reproach, scold, pull them by the hair, and I myself destroy my soul. I want to save my soul - and I’m ruining it. But without a number, it is better to give up your property, some part of it, and fulfill your duty, remain calm and save your soul for God. So, someone loves the theater, wastes money for pleasure and applause and does not give alms to the poor - he saves his soul with its passions and lusts in order to destroy it; so a rich man, while saving, destroys his soul, that is, gathering for himself, and not for God, the rich man [Lk. 12, 21]. Intemperance and delicacy are a guide to the soul and body of all sins, especially fornication, love of money, stinginess, hard-heartedness, malice, enmity, and waywardness. Woe to the glutton in the hour of temptation, for he is unarmed and exposed to all the fury of the wolf of hell and is close to destruction. This happens to me and happened on November 30th at mass. Before mass, I became furious with the poor, and the enemy took possession of me and tormented me terribly with cramped conditions, loss of spirit, or despondency, and dumbness. Almost the mother of kings, the image of the Heavenly Queen, almost the wife of the great king, blessed by God, made wise and strengthened by God. Pray for her and for her husband and for her children and the entire reigning house earnestly, with all your heart. The very roots of sins and passions must be plucked out from the soul, for example, the root of anger, pride, self-love, love of money, waywardness, disobedience - the very root, and not the leaves, not the branches, not the stem of sin alone, in other words: you need to have complete impartiality both to your body and to your soul, not to value your peace, but to indulge in labor, anxiety, danger, not to value food, drink, money, worldly, civil distinctions; cut off your will, your selfhood, your ambition, humiliate yourself, elevate, honor and love every person, as created in the image and likeness of God, as a member of Christ. December 1st. I thank the Lord, who vouchsafed me to get up early, at two and a half o’clock in the morning, to pray with warmth, to read akathists to the Lord and the Mother of God and the canon to the Savior and the holy Guardian Angel with morning prayers. Thank you for your strong and clear voice when singing stichera at Matins and during the service of Mass; I thank the Lord for boldness and peace, for the cleansing of sins by the Divine Mysteries, for revival, spiritual pleasure, for having mercy on me, a sinner. Great is Your mercy, Lord, glory to You! I was completely renewed by the service and communion of the life-giving Mysteries. December 2nd. I thank the Lord for the gift of peace of heart, which I asked for in bed immediately after waking up, at 5 o’clock in the morning. I woke up, and there was no peace, my heart was sucking, I asked the Lord for peace, and the Cheerful, Sleepless One gave peace forever. Glory to His compassion and soon obedience! 1) Why do we still not actually have a parish guardianship? Why are our poor townsfolk still wandering around in large numbers, without a piece of bread, shelter, clothing, work, or money? 2) Why haven’t we sent out books to collect donations yet? 3) Why did we stop the analysis of beggars, which is so necessary especially in the present, winter dead time? 4) Why don’t we meet regularly every week, which is necessary especially at the beginning of the Guardianship to organize it and to determine the actions of each member of the Administrative Commission of the Parish Guardianship? 5) What measures should we take to provide the poor with clothing, food, housing, and work before the holiday? December 2. Today I offended two beggars, tearing out their hair severely, one for asking me for alms a second time (as I thought, the first time I gave twenty-five kopecks in the morning, in the dark) and for lying (that he allegedly didn’t ask), and the other for allowing the boots I had recently bought to be stolen, and for begging again. I sinned through rage, resentment, and injury to my neighbor at my hands. It would be better for me to be harmed than for me, a priest, to harm anyone! It is a grave sin for a priest to get angry and fight! He is subject to defrocking for this. In the future, it’s better to let them hurt me, but I won’t dare to offend anyone. God! May I stop being offended and grant me the strength to do this, may my insolence and cruelty not turn into a habit! I wear the Lord’s crucifix on my breasts to my conviction, for I do not lay down my life for the sheep, I do not shepherd the sheep, but I shepherd myself, I have not learned meekness and humility, gentleness and patience, I do not crucify the flesh with passions and lusts, but I please it, many-passionate, in everything and through this I resist the Lord, who always draws me to repentance and salvation. I thank the Lord, who showed me His long-suffering and mercy, who forgave me my great sins: my rage and my anger at the poor, with pulling their hair. Oh, how daring I was! December 3. I thank the Vigorous One, Who never sleeps to mercifully and to save: immediately upon awakening, I felt melancholy and tightness in my heart, and as soon as I cried out to the Lord in my heart for salvation, my heart immediately calmed down in God. Glory to the All-Good and Quick to Hear! So save us, Lord, always, so save everyone and everything, for them I will pray to You with faith, hope and boldness, whether they are old or infants. Wake up! Amen. Remember, Lord, in Your Kingdom the baby Mary, who was sick with a birthmark. Like Jacob the patriarch, I say: the Lord is in every place, not just in a certain place. Every place is terrible: this is not (Russian: this is nothing else), but the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven (Gen. 28:17). May I walk in the fear of God at all times and in every place. Amen. Mea pulchritudo – Charitas, mea dulcitudo – mea robur, mea gloria 29 . With what trifles the enemy has captivated and oppressed me this evening! At the notary (Kozlyaninov) they gave me two rubles for the all-night vigil; I thought that the sexton was given a ruble, and this confused me; jealousy took over: how I have to write everything down in a mug, but he takes so much for himself - take it from him; and during the all-night vigil at the notary, I was embarrassed by these thoughts, forgetting the Mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of God for us, deification, celestialization, spiritualization, renewal, forgetting Who I stand before, forgetting the Most High Cherub and the Most Glorious Seraphim, the great Forerunner, the apostles, hierarchs, martyrs, saints - these verbal heavens, whom I often remember and who sometimes, I can’t pronounce the slander of the evil one. December 4. Early mass. A terrible demonic storm, the pang of indignation and anger at Father Deacon Peter Safronov overcame me during mass and at the Great Entrance and afterwards - but I prayed in repentance, trusted in the mercy of God, and in the communion of the Divine Mysteries my indignation and aching of heart partly passed away; I continued to struggle with hostile feelings. I read the prayer behind the pulpit well and performed the funeral service quite well. But after reading the prayers of gratitude and drinking the Holy Mysteries, I tasted the sweet, heavenly peace: it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Glory to the life-giving and terrible Mysteries! Glory to the mercy and power of the Lord! On the night from December 4th to 5th there was a nasty apparition, which almost caused a terrible desecration, a fire of voluptuousness: the sting of sweetness was so strong and compelling that only the Guardian Angel could invisibly turn my eyes away from sin. This is from the cream that I drank yesterday evening, it also caused a heaviness in my heart and the inability to read and study, and it made me sleepy. We must stop drinking milk for the sake of purity of heart, moral purity, for the sake of the Most Pure Lord. The voice can be good without milk. For my voice, to strengthen my nerves, I drink milk. God! Have mercy on me, keep me from unclean ghosts in the future. December 6. God! You are my inexhaustible treasure, an ever-flowing source; I don’t regret the loss of three rubles, which was my punishment for hiding (Bazhenov had a prayer service). Lord, have mercy! Let me cleave to You with all my heart, to the source of my life, to my eternal beauty, to my endless sweetness, to my Prototype, which beautifies me and every creature, to my shrine, my truth, the source of wisdom, strength, beauty, glory. Why are you seduced by what is there today and not tomorrow? Love the abiding 30 and the eternal - this is what is true about the Lord. Love God with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself, your soul, the souls of your neighbors - they are eternal. Take impartial care of the bodies. Buckwheat porridge with vegetable oil made me feel bad during the all-night vigil in the Duma Church: irritability, fear, weak nerves. How harmful, especially with vegetable oil! – and fish too, except cold fish. December 6. I thank the Lord for the gift of tenderness during the service of the liturgy (later in the Duma) after the labors of prayer services before mass, and for the wonderful revival by the Divine Mysteries during the liturgy, and for the unfailing service of the liturgy, except for the great Entrance, at which the enemy always deposes me. After mass, a prayer service was served in the city magistrate 31, where there was a head, a secretary, etc. The enemy overthrew with gusts of laughter, relaxed my heart to the point that I could hardly calm down. I thank the Lord, who performed the miracle of salvation with me at evening prayer. I should not think anything evil about Lamanov and Janishai and should not be angry with them: I myself am worthy of all disgust. What is this? Crosses of self-sacrifice or crosses of self-love? This question came to my mind when I thought about the precious crosses, in multitudes hanging on the chests of many, many faces, whose ambition sometimes exceeds all measure and who do not want to sacrifice themselves for God and their neighbor. I thank the Lord for the renewal, the wonderful renewal of my strength, the sleep He gave me, one of God’s greatest blessings to us. But deliver me, Lord, from spiritual sleep and laziness. I thank the Lord for the merciful salvation of my unworthiness, when I appealed to Him for mercy and salvation in Biryukov’s apartment (in Kasatkin’s house) before the Holy Mysteries, with which I wanted to admonish the patient. I had great, unshakable faith after that when reading prayers for communion for the sick. I was confident in God’s mercy towards him; every word seemed like action to me. The right of the strong is not (at the place), this right is not used at the right time, at the wrong time, the cessation of distribution to fire victims is announced early - voices cry out about extreme need, but they do not read the “Bulletin of Kronstadt”, and its voice cannot reach them. The Committee has no right to convert amounts into common capital; for a whole year, the capital for the fire victims must be inviolable, and the fire victims must be searched for: they are scattered throughout Kronstadt, those who are braver and braver, they themselves came to the members of the Committee, and the timid, illiterate and do not know where the issue for the fire victims is, they will come to one precinct, they are told: you are not in my precinct, go to another, to such and such; they come to another - they don’t find a home, they finally give up searching; in any case, the issuance was carried out extremely sparingly, which is why a large capital remained. It is necessary to give more and more to the fire victims for the third and fourth, even tenth time, until all the capital is depleted; The general complaint of the fire victims is stinginess. Well, what kind of issuance of three, five and ten rubles, even fifteen and twenty-five rubles? And very few people were given fifty and a hundred rubles, especially three hundred. The majority had to be given at least twenty-five rubles. The commission must once again engage in a thorough (conscientious) investigation of everyone, especially the timid, voiceless fire victims. To announce so categorically that the issuance will stop completely by December 10th and the amount of fire victims will go to some general capital is completely premature and extremely unfair. The fragrance of incense means that the Lord, through His incarnation, teaching, miracles, suffering, death and resurrection, drove away the stench of sins and passions from the assembly of the faithful and scented humanity with the grace of the Holy Spirit, all the councils of saints and the entire assembly of the faithful on earth. Glory to His long-suffering, mercy, generosity. Yesterday I drank one glass of beer from the bailiff Lev Alexandrovich - and I ruined everything, I lost grace, and the enemy overpowered me: I could not baptize without stumbling, I could not speak many expressions due to the action of the devil. A little leaven leavens the whole lump (1 Cor. 5:6) - a little sin corrupts, defiles, weakens the entire soul. One forbidden fruit, eaten at the wrong time, plunged all humanity into decay. What about my gluttony? The splendor of the earth, and beauty, and sweets, and honors, and distinctions also plunges me into corruption and slavery! 9th. I thank the Lord, who miraculously revived me during the liturgy and especially after communion of the life-giving Mysteries, for before communion I was sick, extremely weak, weak, as if dead, but after communion I was revived, healed, strengthened, and encouraged. Glory to the omnipotence and mercy of the Lord! I thank the Lord, who stopped the abuse of voluptuousness when I entered the apartment of the gentleman (Kozlyaninov) and greeted the mother and the girl. Having time, I went out and walked along the street, praying in my soul to tame the warfare through Divine grace. And, thank God, the Lord helped, sent the dew of His grace and extinguished the burning flame, and then I came and freely served the all-night vigil with the master (Kozlyaninov). God! I thank You, for yesterday You granted me the grace, although (somewhat) (not completely) to fulfill Your will, without ever being overwhelmed and cold from the passion of sexual voluptuousness. I thank the Lady Ever-Virgin, who has vouchsafed me to maintain at least some spiritual and physical virginity. At Christmas you preserved your virginity... In your never-ending prayers... 32 I imagined endless beauty, the sweetness of the Lord - spiritual, pure, eternal. I imagined union with Him in the Mystery of Communion. Sim kept himself. When you begin your prayers with a prayer to the Holy Spirit, know and remember that the Holy Spirit entered the world through the merits of the Lord Jesus Christ and acts in the world, especially in His Church, and accomplishes our salvation, performs priests, performs all the Sacraments, cleanses, sanctifies, enlightens, strengthens, excites to prayer; produces tenderness in souls, sheds tears of repentance, thanksgiving, and praise; converts souls, saves, gives life, leading from spiritual death to life; bestows peace, freedom of spirit, the grace of sonhood, crying out in the hearts of the faithful from the depths of the soul: Abba Father! (Gal. 4:6). That is why we begin our prayers with a prayer to the Holy Spirit. Glory to Thee, All-Holy Soul, Source of our life, equal to the Father and the Word. I scream and get upset at the beggars - this comes from arrogance: the beggars are not worse than me, but better. I shouldn't allow myself to do this in the future. Through the Cross, the Lord has given us infinitely much, so that this can more than compensate for the lack of earthly goods. Glory to Your compassion and immeasurable condescension, Lord! The Holy Synod and the entire pastorate guides the faithful to union with God and to eternal life, restoring rational and verbal images and likenesses of God and raising them from earth to heaven. The greatest purpose and duty of shepherds! Let us not be bound by worldly passions, but let us shepherd the souls entrusted to us by Christ. May God grant that everyone always remember this and do this God’s work cheerfully, diligently, non-lazily, unceasingly, wisely. What wonderful wealth is in the Church - the wealth of faith, hope and love, the wealth of goodness, mercy, the wisdom of God, the wealth of miracles, the cleansing of sins, sanctification, enlightenment, consolation, peace and spiritual freedom. Oh, if only all the faithful and unfaithful knew and recognized this, and remembered, and zealously flocked to the Church! December 10. To love God with all your heart means, by the way, to repel the sin that attacks us in its various forms with all your heart, with all your strength, without any mercy, without any indulgence in yourself. I owe peace, health, success in deeds, words, thoughts, enterprises to my Lord, the most pure, most heavenly, immortal, life-giving Mysteries, which I partake of every day in my next week. O priceless, life-giving, all-saving Mysteries of my Lord! What praise shall I sing to you 33? I am perplexed: you are above every word - not a single word is enough to sing of your miracles. December 11. I thank the Lord for the cheerful, stumbling-free service of Matins and Mass, and most of all for the life-giving communion of the Divine Mysteries. There was extreme tightness in the right side today; in the evening I was especially irritable, angry at the beggars for coming to me in large numbers, tearing some by the hair, generally getting angry at them, shouting, despising them, angry that there were so many of them. How long will it take me to treat beggars? Any hour a day. And why am I annoyed? Isn’t it spiritual profit to give alms to the poor and do them every kind of good? And is the whole day of life great? Why not stay awake in order to receive the crown of life from the Lord? (Crown from “eternal.”) Glory to Thee, the wise God, who has mercy on me, who cleanses all my iniquities and heals all my ailments, who crowns me with mercy and bounty [Π p. 102]. Why do I allow the enemy to rob me and deprive me of my reward from God for alms through my irritation and anger towards the poor? Where is meekness, humility, kindness? Where is the diligent, willing service of the brethren of Christ? Where is the love and respect for them? Where is the compassion? Where is the generosity and patience? I condemn myself sincerely and repent of this before the Lord, who knows the secrets of my heart. Lord, have mercy! The pedagogical advice regarding the action (Sh...) should also have an important influence on me: it will give me a lesson not to be irritated with anyone - neither with my family, nor with the beggars, with whom I was irritated for no reason. The saints, by the way, are great because they resolutely, forever and with all their souls loved God and rejected sin, but we are limping on both molds 35 - we work both for God and for the passions of the flesh: anger, envy, malice, mammon (or love of money), the belly, the demon of voluptuousness, ambition, self-indulgence. Is it only occasionally that the spark of God will flare up in us through the action of God’s grace? Samoilov has my book, Klementyev too. God! Last night you accepted my small but sincere tears and had great mercy on me! Glory to Your mercy! Yet You, O Innumerable Grace, do not quench smoking flax, nor break bruised reeds (Matthew 12:20). I worship You with a grateful heart. But bless my letter to Your servant Nikolai Efimov. The sacrament of redemption is the most venerable sacrament, the ever-memorable sacrament, the sacrament of infinite goodness, immeasurable condescension, innumerable wisdom, immeasurable power - this is the sacrament that is remembered at the liturgy - moreover, it seems to be repeated every day, because every day a great, all-saving, heavenly and terrible Sacrament is performed - the Most Pure Body and Blood The Lord's. Glory to Your mercy, Lord! I thank the Lord, who performed with me yesterday at the liturgy upon communion of the Holy Mysteries the miracle of the resurrection of my soul from the dead, the miracle of revival, purification, sanctification, peace, joy, freedom, space. Glory! I thank the Lord, who again 36 raised my soul from the dead, and together my whole being, when I died, it was again the sins of self-love, love of money, pride, arrogance, anger, severity, obstinacy towards the poor, driving them away from me (when they came hard at me) with kicks in the ass. What mortal oppression, what languor! And so, through the prayer of fervent repentance, through persistent petition with faith and hope, the Lord again resolved mortal illnesses, miraculously granting me peace, freedom, and boldness. And the Most Merciful One has not yet rejected me! Oh, do not let me ever anger You, Infinite Goodness, All-Rich Provider! In the person of Your poor, Your members, I have offended You, Lord, and angered You. And you have endured my insolence until now! And until now, I have not yet learned meekness, humility, kindness, patience, dispassion, calmness, generosity. Жизнь наша принимает всё более и более характер языческий, и с ней более и более сглаживается характер христианский, – у нас театры, клубы, маскарады, музыкальные светские общества с светскими ариями. Семейная жизнь у нас также языческая: день начинается не молитвою, а туалетом, курением в устах, питьем, оканчивается тоже; день воскресный не посвящается Богу, и христиане не помышляют о своем воскресении и христианском провождении жизни и приготовлении к смерти и Суду Страшному. Страшные и спасительные события среды и пятка – предания Господа нас ради на страдания и смерть и мучительных страданий и смерти – забыты, потому что пост, назначенный Церковью в эти дни, отринут, и вместо умерщвления многострастной плоти и сострастия к Страждущему нас ради у нас царит обычное лакомство и невоздержание. The mystery of iniquity has long been revealed (2 Thess. 2, 7) - the extermination of Christianity (although it will not be completely destroyed), faith gradually becomes impoverished in hearts, Christian love dries up; cold, stern pride has assumed wide dimensions, luxury is amazing, pleasures and entertainment are constant, poverty and misery have increased to the point of incredibleness; disasters from hunger, from storms, from fire are terrible. What else can you expect? Let those who know how to read guess from visible phenomena in life and in the world. The Gospel is not read, only secular books and newspapers, magazines are read: everyone wants to know everything that is happening in the world, but they don’t want to know themselves; The ear has been turned away from the truth to fables (2 Tim. 4, 4 ) или исчисляют множество и всем им имена нарицают, а сколько в себе главных и подчиненных пороков, страстей, сколь они гибельны для бессмертной души, того не знают, знают в точности, насколько удалены планеты и светила одно от другого, а насколько души удалены от Бога, Источника жизни, Солнца правды, или насколько приближаются и отдаляются от Него всякий день, того не знают и о том знать не любопытствуют, знают цены драгоценных материй всякого рода, названия всех цветов, а цены истинного украшения души христианской, украшения нетленного, вечного – добродетелей христианских – вовсе не знают, да и имена добродетелей забыли; имеют тонкий вкус ко всяким яствам и напиткам, а вкуса духовного, различающего, что полезно и вредно собственно для души, что может ее питать, освящать, укреплять и услаждать духовно, не знают; they don’t even remember food and drink that is incorruptible—the Most Pure Body and Blood of the Lord; искусно умеют играть в карты или шахматы, знают до тонкостей все ходы и извороты их, а пути к жизни праведной, христианской не знают и ступить не умеют и в этом пути не умудряются, тогда как этот путь ведет к жизни вечной; привыкают, изучают искусно выходить победителями в игре и не знают и не учат, как побеждать грех или как прекратить опасную игру грехом, которую ежедневно и ежечасно учит нас играть диавол, начинщик и устроитель всякого зла. (Glory to Your enlightenment, Lord!) December 16. I thank the Lord, who even today accepted my tearful repentance in the beating of a beggar, who approached me with extreme persistence. My sin was serious, especially since it had been repeated many times, but the Long-Suffering and Much-Merciful One still accepted my deep repentance, so that I would not fall into the pit of despair. But how rage and irritability shocks, corrupts, and destroys me! - I am more of myself than of my neighbor, I cause more mental and physical harm to myself than to the beggar. God's righteous judgment! Yes, this is still not enough for me for my insolence, for my rage! I have to suffer more. Oh Lord! May my sacred hand never again rise against anyone, so many times lifting You, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world! Молю о сем усердно. Give me the grace of meekness, gentleness, humility, patience, non-covetousness, selflessness, dispassion, to do alms with joy and zeal, so dear in Your eyes and so acceptable before Your good Kingdom! Grant me to see in every Christian man and in every beggar Your image, Your member, from Your flesh and from Your bones, Your birth, the pledge of Your Spirit, Your blood stain, Your redemption! God! May I not be counted 37 like Judas, who betrayed Thee, for the sake of persecution and beating of some beggars! Behold, I repent again and again of Your infinite mercy: have mercy, have mercy, have mercy on me. Wake up! Forgive me for breaking the fast this day in my house (cabbage soup, cream!). Here we have modern martyrs - these are beggars (especially our registered Kronstadt philistines): they are hungry, cold, everyone scolds them, beats them, and even, alas! - I! How not to feel sorry for them! How can you not share your wealth with them every day! How much money we spend almost for nothing, for trifles! I thank the Lord, who continually cleanses my iniquities, so that I always cry out to Him in heartfelt repentance. Real life is the path to death, resurrection, judgment and retribution. Она состоит из многих седмиц, дней, на которые разделил ее Сам Господь, Творец неба и земли; в каждый день седмицы по намерению и установлению Церкви мы воспоминаем, призываем на молитву о нас, прославляем какой-либо лик святых, провождающих вечную жизнь и ходатайствующих о нас пред Богом, будущих наших (если Господь благословит) сограждан; кроме того, в среду и пяток седмицы мы воспоминаем и прославляем дивное, милостивое снисхождение к нам Господа Иисуса Христа, благоволившего предаться на страдания и смерть за нас; в субботу же, день покоя, призываем на молитву всех святых Ангелов и человеков вместе и молимся за умерших; в конце каждой седмицы торжествуем воскресение Господа Иисуса Христа – основание и надежду нашего воскресения, ибо в пяток Он умер за нас, а в третий день (в воскресение) воскрес из мертвых. The week depicts our life and our death; at the end of each week we remember and celebrate the resurrection of Christ as a sign that the end of both our life and death will be the resurrection from the dead. So, I will live in constant remembrance of death, resurrection, judgment and retribution: the path of temporary life is short - the future life or future torment is endless; The pleasure here is temporary - future tears are endless. So let us fight the good fight. Every week, the Holy Church established fasting for the sake of repentance and mortification of the flesh with passions and lusts, in honor of the One who suffered and died for us in the flesh - this means that we must prepare for death and resurrection through fasting, repentance, prayer and almsgiving. Glory to the Lord, who has arranged this for us. It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God (Matthew 19:24), that is, it is extremely difficult for the rich to leave their whims, their luxury, their hardness of heart, their stinginess, their earthly pleasures and begin a life according to the Gospel, a life always abstinent, full of good fruits: mercy, meekness, humility, kindness - pure and chaste. Жизнь в покаянии и слезах непрестанных. Is it not amusements, luxury, games, or commercial transactions that occupy them all their lives? And the constant pride, like a necklace, surrounding them, and their inaccessibility to the poor, and their contempt is exorbitant?! Just think that these are the same mortals who were created from dust and will return to dust! December 18. The enemy is strengthening every day to make me a stranger to God and His holiness through an addiction to beauty, charm, sweets, wealth, the glory of this world, but the goodness, truth and power of God, in general the wise and all-good Providence of God, appropriates me to God through the torment of any, the slightest addiction to the blessings of this corruptible and transitory world and through the sweetness, peace, spaciousness and joy of the heart that I experience, flowing from faith and love for God, prayers of repentance, praise, thanksgiving, from contemplation of God and contemplation of His endless perfections. It is truly good for me to cleave to God; to place the hope of my salvation in the Lord Ps. 72, 28 ), – слава и благодарение Господу о сем. But bitter, bitter and evil are the fruits of every sin, its teeth are the teeth of a lion, killing the souls of men. Как от яда змиина бежи от греха. So, grant me, Lord, to love righteousness with all my heart and all my being and to hate lawlessness. Отврати очи мои еже не видети суеты ( Пс. 118, 37 ). You are infinite Beauty, You are infinite Sweetness, You are Infinite Shrine and Truth, Infinite Goodness and Love, Infinite Wisdom, Infinite Strength! In You is the focus and completeness of all good - You are endless life, endless joy. When approaching prayer to the Lord, or the Most Pure Mother of God, or the holy Angels and saints, we must first of all remember our sinfulness, impurity, our unworthiness and reverently call on the name of the Lord, most honorable and magnificent, like the name of the all-sung Mother of God, before Whom the holy Angels reverently serve, or the names of the saints - for our lips are vile, unclean the heart, the soul is defiled by countless sins. Let us now diligently approach the Mother of God, sinners and humble ones, and let us fall down in repentance calling from the depths of our souls: Lady, help, who have had mercy on us... 38 My wife rightly warned me against walking after the bath: I caught a significant cold while walking in the wind. This is your punishment for your waywardness and stubbornness. We need to listen to each other and respect mutual advice. I thank the Lord, who miraculously saved me from my sins and hardships; who twice saved me from the consequences of my insane anger towards the poor. Oh, wonderful name, saving, life-giving, omnipotent! Thou art truly strong, O Lord, in mercy and good in strength, to help and comfort and save me, who trusts in Thy name! O wonderful name of my God! A saving name, a sweetest name! The name is omnipotent! I sinned before God and people by pushing the poor boy with annoyance and embitterment because he persistently approached me with a request for alms, having already received, albeit a small alms, before. Need, not whim, not impudence, forced him to do this, or the example of others. And I am impatient, angry, stingy, hard-hearted. When will I put aside my passions? When will I be meek, quiet, humble, kind, generous, compassionate, merciful, like the saints, like the Son of God to me and merciful to everyone? A Christian man in the theater sees himself from the side of his shuitsa, in his earthly vanity, in his passions, in his cunning, in his cunning, in his earthly interests, in his pagan life, in general, on his left side; and in the Church he sees himself from the side of his right hand, 41 in the image and likeness of God, in the high goal of his purpose, in his ideal, in his holiness, meekness, truth, gentleness, patience, abstinence, purity and chastity, in his deepest devotion to God. The beginning and end of the theater is the vain world, earthly goods, pleasures, wealth, honors; the beginning and end of the church, worship - God, eternal truth, holiness, heaven, eternal bliss, (love of the fatherland, devotion to the king of the earth). The church is the house of God, the house of heavenly bread, the house of the source of living water, the house of heaven on earth, the house of deification of earthly beings. Oh, how blessed is the Christian who understands this! I wish I could sneak into the house of God rather than live in the villages of sinners!.. Since Thy village is beloved, O Lord of hosts! (Ps. 83, 11, 2). Christians! Why do you leave the source of living water? Why are you digging leaky wells that cannot store living water, for example, theaters, clubs, etc.? We have a terrible victory and destruction reigns in our souls, and we go to laugh at the theater or disguise ourselves (disguised by an already terrible sin), dance, talk idle, think idle, or eat, drink, get drunk. Oh, things to do! December 22. I thank the Lord, who even now surprised me with His mercy during the service of Matins and the early liturgy in the Cathedral, who showed me His great help, who comforted me with peace after communion of the Divine Mysteries. I thank the Lord, who many times saved me from the tightness of my heart when I cried out to Him in repentance for help and salvation. Gluttony extremely weakens the heart and mortifies it, and covers it with vain fear. God! You are the strength and life of the hearts of all who believe in You and trust in You. Give strength and strength, boldness, courage and purity to my heart! December 23. I thank the Lord for the miracle of revival by the Divine Mysteries during the early liturgy (from the Semenovs). Is it not possible or does not God want to delight you endlessly, beautify you ineffably, sweeten you unspeakably, enrich you innumerably, exalt you, glorify you unthinkingly, that you are so eagerly chasing after worldly, perishable sweetness, perishable beauty, fading and fleeting, after fragrances that disappear in the air, after vain wealth, after momentary glory? Think about how much harm you are doing to your soul by clinging to this corruptible world. Why do you see only what is attractive in him and do not want to see what should inspire disdain for him, namely, that he is corruptible, or do you not notice through the good looks the extreme ugliness of everything corruptible? Just pay attention to the corruptible human body: today it is beautiful, flourishing, but tomorrow it is either painful, unattractive, powerless, or disfigured by death and destruction, pus, worms! Look at the end of wealth: it gives rise for a short time to all sorts of madness, in a word, to the destruction of the noblest and immortal part of our being - the soul. Do beautiful clothes captivate you? But they are decay, dust: have they honored earthly distinctions? But this is for one day, and there, beyond the grave, there may be eternal dishonor and eternal torment; there, perhaps, as many as 42 have become famous here, there will be even more wounds and torment there. No! All your goodness is in God! My soul, cleave completely to Him alone, and despise what is here, otherwise it will shame you forever. December 24. I sinned before the Lord on this great day of the Nativity of Christ, shouted in anger at two beggars - a boy (14 years old) and a girl (12 years old), and angrily grabbed one by the collar and shook him, and hit the other on the ear in the hallway and almost pushed him down the stairs. What kind of ridiculous manners does a priest have, who should primarily be meek, quiet, kind and always even-tempered? I gave the beggar 35 kopecks, and he shouted: not enough, and asked for more to meet his needs; I got angry at this, not trusting his words, I drove him away, but he kept following me - I hit him for his importunity, then I went with him to the shop, exchanged money and gave him 50 kopecks in total. He told me about one boy that he lost 60 kopecks at cards, and he begged me for this money for boots. Such an unfaithful people - and in such years! Oh, how we need to teach them everything! I repent to the Lord of my malice, of my insolence, of my cruelty, of my voluptuousness and my love of money, of my unrighteousness. By offending my neighbor, I offend myself. I thank the Lord, who did not allow me to plunge into the ditch of despair and who again and again accepted my tearful repentance of severity, obstinacy and insolence with his hand, who took away my oppression and sorrow and gave me peace, freedom, and boldness. Confirm in me, Lord, this gift of Thy, this peace, this freedom, this meekness, this love, this integrity of soul and body. 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. I thank the Lord for his constant good deeds to me on these days, for his long-suffering towards me, for the cleansing of my iniquities, for the pacification of my sinful soul, for his constant help to me in all matters, for my kind relationship with people and people with me. On the 30th, because of the malfunction of sexton Zrelov and for his ineptitude, I angrily called him a fool and a blockhead in front of his son-in-law, brother and sister, without seeing them first, and then, having seen them, I did not apologize for this insolence. I regret that I did not restrain my anger and the flow of angry words. Forgive, Lord, my sin. The sexton did not come to the funeral service for the ship's caretaker Afanasiev. New 1875 year of the goodness of the Lord. Yesterday, late in the evening, the Lord gave us the gift of seeing a new, extraordinary and terrible event: a man possessed, terribly tormented by evil, nasty and blasphemous demons; he, like the young man mentioned in the Gospel, wallows and foams as a mother-in-law (Mark 9:20), and often repeats nasty, obscene words. I was called to help by prayer and read with faith and firm hope the incantatory prayers (pre-baptism), prayers: Holy Father, zealous Intercessor, Stretch out Thy hand, No one who comes is disgraced, canon of Hodegetria; the possessed man spun around a lot, but the demon did not come out... His eyes expressed horror, the unfortunate man thrashed about terribly, wounded by a serpent... For at least an hour and a half I fussed with him... Was it not with vodka or beer that the demon entered into the unfortunate youth Arkhip? He is 15 years old. A lesson for me: don’t indulge in gluttony, don’t drink wine. The enemy torments me at funeral services, at prayer services, during the service of the liturgy, during (sometimes) christenings (Captain Ushakov has an illegitimate daughter), at customs during the service of a memorial service for the official Afanasyev, at Bazhenov’s during the service of the all-night vigil... I ate meat at home, and it turned out badly, the enemy overpowered me. Don't eat meat unless absolutely necessary. Milk... cabbage soup... eggs. After mass. The devil tousled and broke me today because of the newly gilded cross, he confused, darkened, frightened me, and did not allow me to say a cry or release for the Circumcision of the Lord: On the eighth day we willed to be circumcised in the flesh for the sake of salvation... to the end. This was the case at prayer services in the house of Kikinau (X...), in the house of (T...). I think because of eating meat and in general because of satiety. The early mass was sung by the free singers very badly, just as the villagers sang. The sexton quarreled. My grief was severe at early mass: I was dying in spirit, grace left me. January 4. I sinned before God and people and before myself that I was furious with the beggars for their frequent begging, that I threatened to tear out their hair and sent them to hell in a rage (oh, insolence! oh, anger!). Those whom the Lord redeemed with honest blood, for whom He came down from heaven, whom He snatched from the jaws of the mental wolf, those I sent to this beast, the destroyer - I, who was rewarded by the all-good Lord with all sorts of gifts. Oh, how I angered Him, the most generous, with my stinginess, and Him, the all-good, with my malice! Have mercy on me, Lord, who repents, for there is no sin, conquering Your love for mankind. May the ugly and evil expression “go to hell” never be repeated to anyone. May I lavish the gifts of Christ my God on the needs of my brethren and Christ. With malice and stinginess I defile and corrupt my soul. God! You have sought the blessing of the Heavenly Father for all the faithful, having paid the debt for everyone, and I, the accursed one, curse those blessed by You. Oh, madness! Oh, senseless rage! God! I thank You for Your countless salvations manifested in me in the past days (31st, 1st, 2nd and 3rd). And may my malice not overcome Your unspeakable goodness and mercy 43 . January 4. Saturday. I thank You, Lord, for Your wondrous help, shown to me in the service of Matins, for sweetness, for peace, for great boldness before You and before people. But after Matins with the beggars, I fell into temptation: I became enraged and spoke inappropriate words to them in anger because they pressed me at every step, demanding alms. After mass. I thank the Lord for the wonderful revival of the Divine Mysteries and for the gift of tears during the liturgy - tears of repentance, as I have surpassed all sinners. After such spiritual mortification of my soul, after such anger towards the poor (I sent them to hell), the Lord accepted my repentance and revived me, the All-Good One, with His life-giving Mysteries, consoled me, pacified me, confirmed me, so that I also spoke firmly, with boldness, with completeness, without omissions. How can I glorify God’s mercy towards me?! The considerations of Pyotr Ivanovich Dementiev regarding the increase in the number of almshouse burghers were taken into account, also regarding the branch of the Kronstadt burgher council in St. Petersburg for the convenience of Kronstadt burghers wishing to receive passports; about the amounts collected from the bourgeoisie and about the transfer of part of them for the maintenance of the Kronstadt bourgeoisie. Dementyev is invited to the Council, the petty-bourgeois foreman and headman. You should not think about splendor, not about wealth, not about silver and gold, not about luxury, not about outer beauty, not about sweets, not about earthly distinctions, but about loving God with all your heart, hating every sin from your soul, in order to love your neighbor as yourself, to save your soul and the souls of your spiritual children, to raise yourself and them to perfection, to seek the lost, to strengthen the weak, to comfort the sad, to guide the erring on the right path, to teach the unbeliever. I thank the Lord, who gave me the strength to celebrate the liturgy and vespers with the great blessing of water in the Assumption Church without a deacon. Due to my deeds, I endure fears and ridicule from demons during divine services: 1) for my lust, 2) for my love of money, 3) for ambition and vanity, 4) for the severity and obstinacy of my character and 5) for my habit of haste. But, Lord, if I have the hope of salvation, have mercy, protect and save me, give me unfeigned, deep, firm, irrevocable repentance, and may Your power be perfected in my weakness - save the perishing; where sin has multiplied, there Your grace abounds (Rom. 5:20). In this Thy great name will be glorified, O Lord! My salvation is in the very words, only sincerely pronounced, with faith and love - in those very words, from the failure to speak which I languish and suffer; My salvation lies mainly in purity of heart, in impartiality to everyone and everything, in abstinence and a harsh lifestyle (by voluptuousness in food, luxury in clothing, a willing, passionate eye for pleasant faces and things, with love of money I have relaxed my much-sinful soul, and that is why the enemy shakes it). For the poor, you fulfill the entire Gospel: always give to them willingly, diligently, with love, with humility - and you will be saved. Father Archpriest Pavel Trachevsky is deceitful and unjust in many ways, treacherous, and therefore I resist him in that which is unjust, but in that which is just, I am and will be his obedient servant. Lord, have mercy on Thy servant... But at the same time, Father Archpriest is meek, always quiet, even, firm, calm, but I am hot, irritable, angry, harsh, obstinate, changeable and extremely uneven, I hesitate and am embarrassed by every trifle. Father Archpriest has many advantages over me. God! Continue the days of his life and remember him in Your Kingdom; speak, I pray, in his heart good things about me, the unworthy, and about all the members of the clergy, over whom You entrusted him with authority and leadership. May his soul forgive me for how I insulted him with my persistence or obstinacy and harshness of character. And we, damned ones, do not know how to love, especially I - we love vain, material, corruptible, sinful things: beautiful bodies (faces), beautiful clothes, shiny metals, various elegant beautiful clothes, pleasant foods and drinks, vain, momentary honors and distinctions - and not the Lord, the source of all blessings, not immortal souls, created in the image and likeness of God, not the commandments of God, by fulfilling which a person will live forever, not holiness, not truth, not abstinence, not purity and chastity, not almsgiving, not poverty for Christ's sake; not uncomplaining obedience to superiors, not meekness and humility, not kindness and complacent patience, not fasting, but voluptuousness; not sincere goodwill towards everyone, not repaying good for evil, and evil for evil, not blessing for curse, but curse for curse, curse for curse; not simplicity, but cunning and cunning, not selfless diligence in every good deed, but lazy and cold pride with selfish calculations. How much evil is in my nature, which has not yet been renewed by grace through my negligence. Meanwhile, how long ago I could have updated myself! For how many times have I received Holy Communion! there are no numbers. How many times have I not served continuously for several weeks and received Holy Communion for several weeks! And I still remain the same sinner, with the same lusts and passions! Alas for me, a sinner! When will I update? When will I become a man of God? When will I stop doing the will of my worst enemy - the devil? God! Have mercy on the perishing and save me Yourself, for the sake of Your holy name. The Lord is my beauty and beauty, my purification, sanctification, my strength, my life, my peace, my joy, my freedom, my bliss, my deliverance from enemies visible and invisible and from all evils; my doctor, my nourisher, my blanket, my Savior, my light, my breath, my inexhaustible treasure and inexhaustible wealth. I will cleave to Him alone with all my heart, as to my Prototype, as to the Creator, Provider and Savior; everything created, material should not control my heart, it is unworthy of the love of my soul, created in the image of God. Yes it will be. I thank the Lord, who quickly enlightened and consoled me in my grief over the deprivation of an earthly, vain, temporary reward (in the gymnasium); The Lord took away sorrow and oppression, confusion and shame from me and gave me peace, space, and a cheerful look. Glory to His quick obedience, His mercy! Glory to Thee, Lord, my all-round, all-sufficient goodness! Away with the vain glory of this world! People are insidious, selfish, crafty, vindictive! The most precious thing is the shrine, the most precious thing is love. Remember every minute about that, cherish it. If I had always remembered the presence of God, I would not, for example, yesterday strongly scold sexton Poletaev for many errors in metrics, but would have restrained my indignation and would have condescended to his errors. I have sinned before God and man! The stone, which was built carelessly 45, this became the cornerstone: this came from the Lord, and is marvelous in your eyes (Ps. 117: 22 - 23). About the Savior - but it also comes in part to us, priests, who live among secular people and are neglected by them, especially among the learned brethren. The law of Your mouth is better to me than a thousand gold and silver (Ps. 119:72). So for me, teaching the Law of God is sweet - teaching itself is a reward. Keeping Your words is a great reward (Ps. 18:12). First of all, in the divine services of our Church one hears the frequent, repeated glorification of the name of the Holy Trinity in short doxologies at the beginning and in the continuation of each service, for befitting our Trinitarian God is all glory, honor and worship, and He created everything with His one will and word for the sake of the glory of His glorified name, and all His deeds in the world and in the kingdom of grace are worthy of all glory, all complacency and the reverence of reasonable people. Then frequent short prayers for mercy are heard: Lord, have mercy or Holy God... have mercy on us, Most Holy Trinity... because we, the fallen, constantly sin and constantly need mercy, cleansing and salvation from God. I thank the Lord for the complete reconciliation with Sister Anna yesterday during lunch through the conversation I started. January 12. Thank you to the Lord for the heavenly help shown to me during Sunday Matins and Liturgy in delivering me from the temptations of vanity (I began to lose heart that Mr. Director trampled on my right to nominate me for an order: he himself told me that I had the right to nominate me, and meanwhile he bypassed me, while he introduced others, and they received orders). Glory to the Lord, all my treasure, which infinitely better replaces all earthly treasure for me, for the Lord is my life and peace, my glory, my space, my freedom, my wealth, purification, sanctification, freedom. Vastly spoke firmly and sang loudly; forgiveness was spoken firmly, slowly, without skipping a beat. I thank, praise and extol the Lord, who revived me in the communion of the Divine Mysteries of His Most Pure Body and Blood during and after the Liturgy on January 12, Sunday and who gave me tears of tenderness. I thank the Lord, who strengthened me against the invisible enemies, so that I boldly, slowly, loudly pronounced forgiveness of sins before the people after the all-night vigil and dismissal of the all-night vigil and especially the liturgy. Part 46 is mine - Lord. My glory, my endless beauty, peace, surpasses the mind, inexhaustible treasure, food that strengthens the soul and body, inexhaustible drink, my strength. My part is the Lord, this part will never be taken away from me, while all the blessings here will soon, soon be taken away and leave those who cling to them with nothing. O Great God! About the Creator and Provider and Savior of the world! O love unspeakable! O wonderful longsuffering! O infinite wisdom! O terrible greatness! O infinite omnipotence! O beauty indescribable! O sweetness unspeakable! O world that surpasses all minds! How long do I not love You with all my heart, with all my mind, with all my strength? How long will I be bound to the world and its lusts? I see and touch You every day in Your works, and yet I cleave more to creatures than to You! Oh, my damnation! And what a blessing it is to cleave to You, to be with You! Grant me and all Your people to love righteousness and hate lawlessness! Cleanse, Lord, my heart from all impurity of sin, so that with a pure heart I will love You, for an unclean heart cannot love You, the Most Pure Lord. Compassionate and Quick to Hear, Glory to Thee! Lady Quick to Hear, hear us soon and deliver us from every evil situation. Remember Your servant, the grieving Barbara and her collaborators, deliver them from slavery to men and make them Your true servants! Do not look at our sins, but at the desires in our good hearts! Wake up! Amen. January 14, 1875. January 15. I thank You, Lord, who saved me in the gymnasium from hostility towards the director for his falsity and from the confusion of my soul about this feeling; I thank the Lord for delivering me from the feeling of indecency in the fourth grade when looking with faith at the image of the Lord. 16th. Because of the bath, smoking a cigar (two days ago) and unnecessarily eating light dairy food on Wednesday, I became extremely weakened in spirit, corrupted internally and externally, morally and physically, suffered from a cold and cough, and served early mass with great moral and physical difficulty. The grace of God forsook me for my sins and uncorrected life and heart. Lord, give me a change from this hour. The impurity of my heart seems to increase every day, and I do not give joy, I do not fast, I do not pray fervently, I do not cry, I do not generously give alms. Lord, save me, before I even die completely. As luck would have it, every Saturday evening or Sunday and on Sunday itself the weather itself has a bad effect on me, and then the invisible enemy brings terrible confusion, cramped conditions, and resentment. My God! How narrow and sad the path is! And all my other colleagues are calm, healthy, unshakable, they have no temptation, and thank God! What would happen if they were as tempted and as weak as I am! This is for me according to my sins. It is necessary to always look at people with the eyes of faith, as creations of God, in the image and likeness of God, as members of Christ the Savior, as churches of God, as children of God, sons and daughters of God, but not with carnal, not worldly eyes, evil, unclean, selfish, hostile. In the church litanies one hears one heart and one soul of the first Christians: what a broad, holy love of Christ! Do we imitate her? Do we pray with such spirit and zeal? Are we indifferent to each other? January 19. Resurrection. The terrible cross of God abandoning me during the liturgy: the strength left me - I could not say the royal family at the great entrance, and then I spoke exclamations with extreme difficulty and with omissions. Communion of the Holy Mysteries enlivened me, I boldly read the entire prayer behind the pulpit. I sinned - I grumbled at the Lord for abandoning myself. I repent. After Vespers and after Vespers, the Lord had mercy. It was bitter for me. January 20. What senselessness and negligence am I subject to regarding the fulfillment of the word of God! Now I was reading the Gospel to the saints in church, where the Lord says: learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart (Matthew 11:29) - and so, upon leaving the church, having met a beggar boy, suspected of gambling for alms money and often asking me for money for various items, I spoke to him with anger and fury and tore his churches in anger! I have sinned against the Lord by not fulfilling His holy words even now! Is it not because I have become like a church built on sand, and suffer disasters from demons, because I do not practice the words of my Savior and do not lay the foundation on the rock? Lord, have mercy on me and correct me through the prayers of our venerable and God-bearing father Euthymius the Great, whose memory we now commemorate! Wake up! I thank the Lord, who showed me His help during Matins! A terribly enemy yesterday embarrassed me at vespers, instilling in me a feeling of hostility towards my priest Zrelov, who supposedly was hostile to me and his family because of an incident after which I angrily scolded Zrelov in his apartment. I could not say litanies and dismissals. In such trouble, I later, at Compline, began to fervently ask the Lord for mercy, deliverance and protection for me, many-passionate and weak, and began to fall to the throne - and the Lord had mercy on me. Glory to His mercy and quick obedience! Glory to His powers! The Lord is indeed mighty in battle. (The enemy severely deposed me for being particularly full after dinner. Fasting is a powerful weapon against the devil and, together with prayer, a strong shield against his wiles.) The Lord miraculously strengthened my spirit and body yesterday with Divine Communion: I served without stumbling, at the great entrance I spoke without stumbling to royal persons; First remember, Lord... everything; behind the pulpit, release all... Glory to the Lord! 21st. The sweet tea must have made my nerves extremely low: like needles in my insides. And from the meat pie too? I sinned before the Lord: I fell away from love and fell into malice; I sent the poor, members of the Lord, friends of my God, purchased with His honest blood, to hell in anger. Oh, impudence! Oh, malice! Oh, madness! I repent of this with all my heart. Have mercy on me, Lord! The lips of a priest should utter a blessing, not a curse, and words like “devil” and so on should never come out of my priestly lips. Wake up! A vision in a dream of a pitch-black cloud in the sky, rushing low and very quickly, and large black birds flying out of it. These are evil spirits, I think, doing mischief in the world. January 21. I thank the Lord for the gift of revival by the Divine Mysteries and for the cleansing and covering of my sins and for the greatest, priceless gift of sanctification. During Vespers at the Great Litany, he became confused and confused and weakened in his soul because of wine and gluttony at Nikolai Mikhailovich Semyonov’s shop, which was reopened. I ask the Lord for forgiveness and mercy. Oh, how bitter demons constantly attack me! At Mokhov’s memorial service, the last cry could not be spoken and the dismissal was due to demonic ghosts and violence. What is tempting is that which is not blasphemous, that which is a beautiful and useful creation of God. God! Protect Your servant, let me look at everyone with clean eyes and a pure heart. 22nd. I thank the Lord for the gift of revitalization and renewal by the Divine Mysteries. Here I am, by the grace of God, healthy in spirit and body. I thank the Lord, who quickly heard my prayer of repentance after Vespers, when I was angry with some beggars, especially with a boy of thirteen years old, who deceived me several times - the Lord took away my oppression and gave me freedom, took away confusion and gave me peace. Glory to His mercy! But at the wedding of Karp and Aquilina, the enemy extremely embarrassed and shamed me with laughter because of Deacon Alexander, who did not think to take the rings to the altar. The enemy fought me extremely throughout the wedding. January 23. After Matins. I fell into acute temptation because of the inability and, as it seemed, negligence and reluctance of sexton Zrelov to sing, Lord, have mercy, in rhythm with me when I said the litany. I was terribly embarrassed throughout Matins and could not proclaim the small litanies, and I had difficulty speaking the petitionary litany and the great litany. I sinned before God by not maintaining love for my brother, meekness, condescension and falling into malice, anger, self-will, self-love (whatever I wanted), confusion, despondency, impatience, vengeance! I think that because of quick cream or sweet tea, the enemy conveniently tramples on me, confuses me, torments me. January 23. I thank You, Lord, for the supernatural, wondrous actions of Your Life-giving Mysteries in me, a sinner: through them I was healed from the ailments of the flesh and spirit that depressed me after the bath and after the cold, from extreme nerve disease and loss of spirit, extreme weakness, unbearable fear of everyone and everything during the service. I thank You, Lord, for this present communion of my revival. I thank You for saving me from despondency at the injustice of the director of the gymnasium, who trampled on my rights regarding the usual award with an order for my twelve years of service at the gymnasium; he could defend me before the assistant trustee of the Educational District, but he does not want and does not consider it fair, while he does not know me and my case. God! Thou art the Judge of my cause: before Thee I work, teaching Thy Law; You are my reward, Lord, in the very teaching of You, for speaking about You is a high pleasure and a high reward. I thank You, Lord, for You saved me from despondency and decline and narrowness of spirit due to the humiliation of me, as it seemed to me, by the director who deceived me. But as he measures, so it will be measured to him. You will pour into his bosom his deceit and his mockery of me, and you will exact my troubles from him. May he put himself in my place. Let them do to him as he does to me. But, my Joy, Lord, I am abundantly rewarded by Your goodness: I thank You, Greatly Gifted, Source of all good things! January 24. I felt remarkable lightness and spiritual strength today due to abstaining from food since the evening (yesterday) and today from eating exclusively lean food (fish soup and fish) and fried perch. He conducted all the services calmly, without struggles, and even performed the wedding without stumbling. Glory to the Lord! Christians! Among you, God appears in the flesh every day in your churches, on the wonderful altars of God’s churches, when the Divine Liturgy is celebrated. For the sake of your good and blessedness, I urge you to use all the power of your attention, understanding and feeling when you are in church, so that the most holy, blessed, life-giving and wise Sacrament of the Eucharist, or the Body and Blood of the Lord, does not pass for you without benefit, but cleanses, sanctifies, elevates, strengthens and comforts you. And this will happen only when you always stand in church with faith, with reflection, feeling, with confidence that this Sacrament is being performed for you, for you and about you - about everyone and everything. Tell me, perhaps, what in the world is more amazing, more important, more majestic, more interesting, if you like, more life-giving than this service? What are your theaters with the best works of playwrights and the most brilliant furnishings? “Children’s toys that amuse for a minute, amaze for a minute, touch the soul and can never elevate the soul to God, restore it from vice (on the contrary, rather lie in vice), turn it away from the charm of sin and make someone a good Christian - and this is not given by God to any theater. But you are crazy about the theater, and you are bored in church, just as you are bored at prayer at home. Are these the children of God running from the house of God? From the house of prayer and from the secret supper, from the bridal chamber, where God Himself arranges the wedding feast of His Son, who is mysteriously betrothed to the souls of believers? Yes, the indifference of Christians to the greatest, most life-giving Christian Sacrament - the Sacrament of the Body and Blood of the Lord and to divine services - is incomprehensible. What is all this for? From human vanity, from addiction to corruption, from laziness to meditation, to reading spiritual and edifying books, from excessive zeal to reading secular books and magazines. January 25. I thank the Lord for all the strength that was revealed in me during my last week at the Cathedral, for all the internal victories won over invisible enemies in His great, life-giving, strong, terrible name. It is true that I was sometimes defeated by my strong, crafty, subtle enemies, but I also defeated them again in His name, according to the Scripture: if you are able again, then you will be overcome (Is. 8:9). (The day before I was with Mr. (K...) and ate quite a lot of different types of fish, drank wine and therefore relaxed my soul, I could not pronounce some words at mass.) The game is a theatrical game and remains; its suggestions are not obligatory for anyone - people come here to laugh, to have fun. I thank the Lord for His strength, revealed in me, a sinner, yesterday during the service of the liturgy in the Duma Church (alone, without a deacon), during the marriage in the Cathedral, the christening at the official Timofeev; I thank the Lord for extinguishing my hostility and anger towards Deacon Alexander Taratin, when I repented of this and prayed for help, because I did not have the strength to overcome hostility and anger. Soon the Lord heard and saved me. Glory to the Lord! Shame on my face, a sinner! January 27. I thank the Lord who quickly freed me from embarrassment and cramped conditions in the gymnasium (again from the thought of the director’s injustice and dislike for him). Everything passed from looking to the Lord with the heart. I thank the Lord, who delivered me in the evening from cramped conditions, confusion, fear, shame, powerlessness of soul from the thought of the baptismal scarf and addiction to it, from anger at two poor people and at sexton Zrelov. The Lord alone is faithful, but one cannot rely on people or one should not please people contrary to the will of God; We must look to God, and not to people, like fleeting worms. We must love every person as ourselves, for the Lord loves everyone equally, without partiality, like the Father. Speak firmly everything that should be said at God’s services, for for sincere prayer for everyone you will be given an imperishable crown from God. Do not be surprised that the invisible enemy strongly opposes and fights you: this means that you are strongly fighting against him and destroying his mortal power by the grace given to you. Do not be afraid, but trust in God: He is your Helper and Protector. January 28. January 28. I thank You, Lord, for the gift of serving the liturgy and for enriching me, poor with the riches of revival and deification. Thank you for the gift of tenderness and the feeling of your poverty and poverty. The Holy Church is the bearer and herald of the Spirit of Christ, the heavenly spirit, the spirit of universal love, unity, and peace. Listen to what spirit breathes and moves in her litanies, chants, and sacred rites. Shepherds are the bearers of the spirit of Christ, the heavenly spirit, his love, humility, meekness, patience, and holiness. The title of shepherds is high and venerable - we must honor them primarily with love for their work [1 Thess. 5, 13]. What purpose does the Church have in performing divine services for us? Let us be filled with the Holy Spirit, speaking to ourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in our hearts to the Lord (Eph. 5:19). On the contrary, by not working for God and working for the world, we work with our passions in order to bear fruit in death. God! I thank You, because You surprised me with Your great mercy and this day, quickly hearing the prayers of my repentance and rewarding me with Your mercies. Those subordinate to Ms. Shubina are suffering grievously. God save them. Love everyone, including your enemies, and you will never be embarrassed, falter, or hate yourself from the perspective of the Old Testament. One Church is one body; we are many (1 Cor. 10:17) and must live in love, and leave those who resist to God or rebuke with meekness. The enemy is constantly, tirelessly intensifying to pluck true love from our hearts, but we must resist him with all our might and kindle this love and draw closer to each other, forgetting grievances, forgiving each other’s sins. Teach, Lord, help, Lord, strengthen, Lord! We are weak, we are poor. Regarding the poor and the rich, be equally respectful, meek, kind, compassionate, and benevolent. The enemy is intensifying, first of all, to destroy family, first internal, and then external ties of husbands and wives, fathers and children, mothers and children, and then religious and civil. Everyone must resist him with God’s help. The devil especially tries to destroy the connection between shepherds and their flock, since this connection is the most saving, the strongest: we must pray strongly for each other - prayer destroys the machinations of the enemy. God! Put it into practice. January 30. I had a terrible temptation at the liturgy in the Duma Church, served at the request of Stepanov Philip, confusion and crampedness were terrible, irresistible: I disappeared, melted during the service, did not utter words (from some fear), for example, at the great entrance. The day before I ate fried fish with black bread - isn’t that why? And I also drank very strong tea in Shubina’s apartment. Glory to Thee, my Savior God, who guides my passions and my struggles, my repentance, my tears, my prayers! Glory to Your life-giving currents in me, Holy Soul, Life-giving, All-Knowing, All-righteous, All-Powerful! Glory to Your life-giving breath in me, taking away and cleansing my sins, sanctifying, enlightening, healing the ulcers of my soul and body, encouraging, strengthening! I worship You, I praise You, I thank You! January 31st, after just experiencing the mercies of the all-merciful Lord Lord in my heart! Glory to Thee, fill the universe, strive 47 the souls of all, judge the whole earth! God! You are the fullness of all good, with You I am deprived of nothing and have everything - without You, without Your grace, and possessing all the blessings of the earth, I am a poor and pitiful person, without peace, without boldness, without strength. Unceasingly, Lord, do good to me, the repentant: now, at this hour of the sixth evening, you have delivered me from my sins, grief and anger towards my spiritual son Philip Stepanov (the marriage of his daughter) and towards the poor. But why, Lord, don’t you save me during the liturgy at the great entrance, during the naming of the persons of the reigning house? Why during vacations? Why don’t you take away from me the spirit of fear and doubt? Here, Lord, I too am sick with corruption, with a passionate desire for the corruptible blessings of this world: distinctions, honor, wealth, luxury, pleasant foods and delightful and cheerful drinks. Heal me, who am sick with this demon, this madness, my Lord, Lord! Desiring this decay, I leave it - a terrible thing! - You, the fountain of living waters, my highest, incorruptible, eternal honor and glory and the source and foundation of my true glory. And here on earth, and there in heaven, I leave You, my incorruptible wealth, You, the incorruptible food and drink of my soul, You, the abyss of peace, joy, bliss. Leaving You, I unite with the tormentor enemy, who, seeing my madness and my thirst for perishable goods, torments, outrages, scorches, darkens, oppresses me and adds madness to madness. Oh, grant me, O Lord, Thy light, Thy peace, the freedom of Thy Holy Spirit, the breadth and height and depth and length of the spiritual, grant me the gaze of an eagle, lofty, far-sighted, keen-sighted, that I may see corruption as corruption, and incorruption as incorruptibility, for everything on earth is corruptible, but what is in heaven is incorruptible: what is visible is temporary, but what is invisible is eternal (2 Cor. 4:18). Grant me to love Your Face more than any human face without comparison, You, Incorruptible Treasure, more than any treasure; To you, my eternal glory, more than any transitory glory of this world, to you, true, pure, incorruptible, eternal sweetness, more than all corruptible things that disappear with the tasting of sweetness. Hey, amen. Now, at night, I was severely offended, considering myself offended by the head of the gymnasium, who promised to give me a due reward for twelve years of service and, due to his usual cunning and deceit, did not reward my other comrades, but bypassed me - and got out of bed, prayed before You to disperse the darkness of resentment and despondency of my vain life. But You are my wonderful reward, You are my eternal truth, strict, incorruptible, rightly judging me every day. (Glory to Your righteousness, Your reproofs to me.) You are my most peaceful, glorious, sweet, welcoming life, do not deprive me of Your grace and glory. Grant me a pure heart, one that hates all the charms of this world, which separate my heart from You. “Then I will receive the highest reward from You, then an order of eternal glory for me instead of a perishable order, a sign of vanity, which a person receives today and with which he is often separated tomorrow and which does not in the least make him better or more acceptable in the eyes of God. God! Grant me to always remember my high responsibilities as a man, a Christian and Thy priest, and not to be seduced by any of the vanities of this transitory world. Grant me to love You passionately, grant me to sincerely love every person, and most of all to edify and save human souls. God! You are my highest honor! God! Grant me to always look to You, the hero and my highest example, to Your Most Pure Mother, to Your holy apostles and prophets, who despised all the glory of the world and laid down their lives for You; against Your hierarchs: Cyprian, Gregory the Wonderworker, Basil the Great, Gregory the Theologian, Chrysostom, whom the world persecuted and hated, but You glorified with imperishable glory; grant me to inherit their righteousness and their zeal for Your glory and the salvation of human souls. Behold, I have chosen You above all things, O Lord, and I will not be ashamed—and behold, Your peace is coming into my heart, the freedom of Your Holy Spirit, Your life! Glory to You! Amen. Thank you, my joy, my bliss, my health! Amen!. This morning I ate soft prosphora with butter and some black bread with butter, and it turned out bad: the excess of nutrition and oiliness resulted in extreme pain in my left leg - aching in my toes. After lunch (cabbage soup, meat), especially after sour orange and apple, my leg became even more painful; a painful fermentation was also felt in the left side. I do the work of God (teaching the Law of God) for the sake of business, and not for rewards, not for human praise and approval; I don’t want to humiliate the works of God. I will give the answer in my business to God, not to people: regarding people, I did everything I could. I teach as best I can, calling on the grace of God to help me, enlightening me. Quite often I see educated people, [...], the smartest, most gifted and eloquent teachers of the law, but, to my surprise, I do not see in them Christian dispositions and feelings and sincere faith, even a Christian shade in their lives. What do I need crosses for? I already have a lot of internal crosses, but many external crosses have no meaning or purpose - one cross is enough: Our Lord was crucified on one cross. To console the crowd with the multitude, variety and preciousness of crosses is completely contrary to the spirit of the Christian faith, which prescribes poverty and humility. I thank You, Lord, for You quickly heard and wonderfully fulfilled my prayer that the capital for the fire victims would not be used by the Charitable Society for its own benefit - it decided to use it for the benefit of the fire victims. I heard this today. Fulfill this prayer, Lord, so that seven thousand thousand will be separated from this capital in favor of the Trusteeship, for this capital remains inactive in the Charitable Society. I thank You, Lord, because You so unitedly gathered together the members of the Guardianship for advice in the house of the fire victims and You bestowed the spirit of Your advice on them (February 1 at nine o’clock in the evening). Consider this thanksgiving and add Your mercies to those who thank You. Increase the material wealth of Trustees with their own destinies. Here, Lord, we have nothing. I should rejoice at the reward of my brothers, although I myself did not rightfully receive the same with them - they are worthy. And I must achieve that glory on high, in which I will have no rival. This glory is purification of the heart, holiness of spirit and body, unfeigned love for God and neighbor, meekness, kindness, humility, simplicity, patience, sincere mercy, obedience, constant prayer, tranquility, joy in the Holy Spirit. I wanted vain things - that’s why I grieve when I did not receive them, but left the inner soul and heart in negligence, uncorrected, in uncleanness, in corruption. Come to me, peace of God, freedom of the Holy Spirit! There is corruption and corruption, these rewards and precious crosses: they corrupt souls, they confuse, they oppress both when they are present and when they are deprived. But the Lord shepherds me and deprives me of nothing. In a green place, there they settled me, in the calm water they brought me up (Ps. 23:2). Glory to the Lord! And now grant me the same. The wisdom that comes from above is first pure, then peaceful, modest, obedient, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and unfeigned (James 3:17). Glory to You, Lord, living water flowing in my heart, truly quenching the thirst of my soul and calming me from excitement and storm of passions. February 2. After early mass. I thank the Lord for the great miracles of mercy and power that were revealed in me during the service of Matins and Liturgy, when invisible enemies and my passions attacked me with a terrible storm and brought sorrow, cramped conditions, fear and spiritual death, dumbness, shame, and misfortune. But I went to the choir and began to sing loudly and read the canon, sing chants for the eighth song of the holiday, then stichera, and I felt joyful when I overcame my enemies by the grace of God; During mass, they again began to press me, and again I prayed to the Lord in repentance, and again the Lord, strong in battle, overcame them, and at the great entrance, the names of the queen, the heir and the wife and their son were spoken fearlessly and the entire mass was served in grace. Glory to the Lord, most merciful and omnipotent. And how hard it was for me! Hell, and that's it. This is where you learn and become convinced that everything earthly is corruption, delusion, temptation, and to cleave to earthly things is absurdity, nonsense, poison, illness, shame and reproach, death, and that one must cleave to the one God with all the heart. He is everything for us: life, peace, tranquility, joy, glory, joy, food, drink, wealth, strength - and in abundance can replace all earthly blessings for us: He will receive a hundredfold, as He Himself said, and will inherit eternal life (Mark 10:30). I celebrated two weddings with great difficulty due to opposition, the most importunate, nasty, evil, envious forces. Oh, with what sincere, pure, fatherly love a priest must be imbued with everyone, both the bride and groom, during the wedding, in order to sincerely and powerfully read all the prayers! God! Grant me to always be with You and to fulfill Your commandments, to love You and Your future glory above all else, and to love my neighbors as myself, and everything else will be added to me: food, and drink, and money, and glory (...). It is not clothes or necessities that I am deprived of, but a reward—an object of vanity. February 3. Five o'clock in the morning. I had a calming dream: I talked with the trustee, who was very kind to me, when we said goodbye, we kissed on the shoulders, and he gave me a credit note worth not 25, but 27 rubles. I verified it more than once and found it indeed to be so. What does this mean?.. Oh, if Mr. Director would drop his disguise regarding me. God! Righteous judge, have mercy on me. May I not serve You in the gymnasium with dishonor. You see, Lord, how I work for You here! So what happens? How did the director bring dishonor to my face?.. What if You, O Lord, Holy and True, reconsidered him and those with him? So that You will find in them, in their deeds?.. Is it true zeal for work? Is there holy truth in their deeds?.. Lord! Send Your judgment and Your righteousness, so that man may not be magnified on earth 48 (Ps. 9:39). And I have already had my fill of dishonor from my boss, who has no respect for Thy Law and for me, Thy wretched servant. But I don’t want to seek vain glory, otherwise I expect due retribution. God! You are my reward. God! I thank You, for Your life-giving name saved me many times yesterday from sorrows and hardships, and now, upon awakening in the morning, it has saved me. Your name is life and salvation, peace and joy! Grieving over not receiving a badge of honor means the heart is attached to honor. And this is a sin. Glory must be sought from God, from the one God. How can you believe, says the Lord, when you receive glory from each other, but do not seek the glory that is from the One God? (John 5:44). God! Grant me to grieve that I constantly dishonor myself with sins and thus lose Your glory, which You have determined for me for fulfilling Your commandments. God! Teach me Your statutes, Your commandments, teach me to look sternly at every sin and carefully avoid it! Grant, teach me to perform every virtue. Restore the fallen image of Your glory in me! God! You adore me daily with the communion of Your Holy Mysteries - this is my reward, my dignity, my invaluable glory! God! Let Your name be glorified and not blasphemed in me. My heart aches with corruption, addiction to vain differences, to the riches of this world, love of love and love of names. Through this I seem to be rejecting the imperishable blessings that the Lord wants to give me for rejecting perishable blessings. A tangled rope always binds me: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). Allow me, Lord! Break it apart, Lord! Free, Lord! May the known 50 hedgehog in the image be saved in me - may the worst submit to the better. To be fair, I don’t deserve anything more than my salary from the gymnasium, and if there were no awards, then I wouldn’t need them. But they are installed as a sign of attention and encouragement from management. In only twelve years, do I have the right to expect a sign? February 3. After early mass. I send glory and gratitude to You, Lord, for the wonderful revival of my unworthiness by Your Divine Mysteries, always faithful and unchanging in their saving powers. The resistance of invisible enemies during the liturgy was very annoying and strong, very painful and painful. I thank the Lord, who took away my confusion and my storm, when at the meeting of my fiancé Gregory on the street I reprimanded him with grief for arriving late to church; thank you for your help during the marriage. Thank you, because at first, when I came to church, You wonderfully pacified me. All earthly rewards will be taken away with my death and, perhaps, will serve to further condemn me at the judgment of Christ for the fact that I received them unworthily and, perhaps, coveted them. Do not desire rewards, but do God’s work without seeking reward, and God will reward you. What do you seek from the world, a flatterer and a deceiver? Sin is this seeking: it shows in you an addiction to glory and in general the blessings of this world and betrayal of the Lord. Did the apostles seek honor and glory from the world? Hierarchs, martyrs, saints, unmercenaries? Do you really want to go the other way? Rejoice that the world turns away from you, but the Lord and the Church will reward you. Seek the Kingdom of God in yourself and in others and its righteousness, and all this will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). Maybe they despise you [...] as not being awarded along with others? God is their judge. Laugh at these fools. And you seek the Kingdom of God and proclaim it to everyone. February 4. I thank the Lord for his help in the fight against passions and invisible enemies, for the peace given after confusion, for the Divine Liturgy and for the communion of the wonderful, life-giving Mysteries that revived me, and for the unfailing service of the liturgy. The Lord overcame fierce enemies in me by the power of His grace. Glory to the Lord! Always look through the veil of flesh at the image of God in man. I trust in the Lord that my disciples will all be good Christians: this is what I asked and will ask from the Lord, praying at the Liturgy and remembering them. And this is most valuable - for good Christians will also be good citizens. I am the image of Your ineffable glory, even though I bear the ulcers of sins 51 - an imperishable image, not dead, but living and eternal. What is greater than this honor? What is more joyful, more blissful than this? What's more valuable than that? Before this advantage of man, the whole world is like nothing. What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul? (Matthew 16:26). What is higher, more noble than this distinction, this glory, not human, but divine? - Nothing, not the kingdom itself, not the royal crown itself, not purple, not the scepter, not the orb. The Lord deified me through incarnation, through Communion, through Baptism and Confirmation - what is higher than this imperishable, eternal honor? - nothing. May the image of God, darkened by passions, be renewed and illuminated in me, may deification abide in me through the communion of the life-giving Mysteries, may the aphid of sin, the aphid of lusts, flee from me, may worldly addictions flee. Enemies benefit the prudent. February 4. Evening. I thank the Lord, who twice delivered me from despondency, when I was in the gymnasium and remembered the treachery of its head towards me, who promised to introduce me to the order for the twelve years of my service at the gymnasium and did not, while he introduced others, and they received awards. In many ways, he acts arbitrarily towards me and offends me. May the Lord, who tests hearts and bellies (Jer. 11:20), not impute to him, may he test him soon, and may he weep for his sins to repentance, and may he not perish. And I pray for him sincerely, remembering his condescension towards me, affection, and especially his wife. Grant them, Lord, all that is good and right, that they may atone for their iniquities with much repentance and many alms. February 5th. I thank the Lord, who has surprised me today with His mercy - who has miraculously revived me through the communion of the Holy Mysteries, who has cleansed my sins and made me heavenly and prosperous in my affairs and victorious in the fight against the spirits of malice and despondency that attacked me. Reverence a Christian person as a member of Christ and the temple of the Holy Spirit, especially when you marry the bride and groom, confess or partake of the Holy Mysteries; feel sorry for people, worry about them, pray, correct them, shepherd them diligently, lay down your life for them, be lenient with them, be patient with them. February 6. I thank You, Lord, for the wonderful revitalization and pacification of my entire being through the communion of Your Divine, life-giving and terrible Mysteries and for the service of the Divine Liturgy, for all the mercies manifested in me during Matins, Mass and thus far. Grant me to always be with You. Rejoice in the Lord that you endure untruth from people, slander, and slander; look at the reward from the Lord, love your enemies and pray for them. Make me worthy of the priesthood which I bear, for it is the highest dignity; grant me to pass it worthily, make me worthy of communion with the most pure, most heavenly, immortal and life-giving Mysteries of Your Most Pure Body and Blood, and make me heavenly, holy, above the mundane merging, unshakable, alien to the vain world. If you are obsequious to the rich and noble of this world, then you are still earthly, not heavenly, not Christ’s, but the devil: Do not the rich oppress you, and do they not drag you into court? (James 2:6). If you love everyone with spiritual, Christian love, then you are heavenly, you are a Christian, but if you have hostility towards people, for example, enemies or those who do not do what is pleasing to you, for example, they bypass rewards, etc., then you are still earthly, passionate, an old man, not yet reborn, not renewed, still spiritually dead. And how many of us are still like that! You are a lover of money and therefore hard-hearted; you are vain, a glutton, vain in home decoration and clothing. Sins are all closely connected with each other and drag everyone down to the bottom of hell. Doctor, heal yourself (Luke 4:23). I myself need to strongly heal myself, condemn, blame myself for everything, and not people. The love of the heart cannot be divided between God and the blessings of the world, for the heart is simple and indivisible. Cling wholly to God, the source of all good things, and everything you need will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). I am preoccupied with vanity, distinctions, acquisitions, wealth and beauty of the body, but I leave the essential, eternal things - my soul, faith, hope, love, correction, all virtue - and do not move forward. We are skilled at grasping rewards, but in living according to the Gospel we are extremely unskillful, but we languish, are embarrassed, worry, suffer, not having peace in our souls - the only priceless blessing left by the Lord to His servants. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you (John 14:27). You are partial to yourself and want more for yourself than the authorities think and want to give you, because they look at your business impartially. Don’t even think about the reward: the time will come - the bosses themselves will offer it. Teaching the Law of God is my reward, my pleasure. It is good to cleave with pure love to the Most Pure Lady, for she can and has the power to have mercy, to cleanse the filth of the soul and body, to save, cover, protect, pacify, free from the bonds of sin, affirm, glorify His servants. Joyfully endure dishonor from the people of this world, undeserved or deserved, so that the Lord, seeing your patience, will glorify you with imperishable glory. Don’t be discouraged by any failures or hardships. For the purpose, one pectoral cross is enough: many crosses lose their spiritual significance and have no meaning. The honor of communion with the Holy Mysteries is the highest honor, heavenly, divine, eternal; she leaves no earthly honor to be desired as vain, transitory, momentary and often unfair. The antimension is revealed - the image of the Divine Dead is revealed, taken from the cross and laid in the tomb. You say with annoyance that the beggars torment you daily, but aren’t you tormenting yourself with the work of your belly? The stone that was carelessly built (trustee, assistant, director) became the cornerstone (by the grace of God) (Ps. 117:22). My reward is with Me, says the Lord (Rev. 22:12). I will not humiliate myself by wishing for a vain reward from vain people for the work of God. Priest! Priest! You must be heavenly, completely imbued with spiritual, holy, heavenly, Divine love for people, for the whole world, especially for Christians, when you approach the throne of God to offer prayers for people, and especially when you begin to perform the liturgy and the Bloodless Sacrifice for everyone and for everything. Oh, then your love for people should be higher than human, cherubic love, greater than the love of God! You must then forget yourself, renounce yourself, deny yourself, so that God can act entirely in you. And how imperfect you can be, narrow-minded, petty, passionate, cold towards God and people even at this time! In the Church, as in the Kingdom of God, the ever-glorious 53 name of God, His power, power and eternal glory, His mercy and love for mankind, are constantly glorified, and in time - as if outside of time, as if in eternity, His eternal power is glorified. Glory to the eternal, infinite Lord! Glory to His (His Church) infinite Kingdom! All everyday cares and passions, even momentary ones, allowed in the church of God in the mind and heart, are a scourge for the heart, a deadly poison, confusion, oppression, for example, an addiction to brilliance, to earthly and political distinctions, to gold, to money, to clothing. It’s a disaster to even think about it for a minute. Death of the soul. And caring for heavenly blessings is a source of joy, peace, and freedom. Satisfy yourself with dishonor, like sweet food, for the sake of your humility and purification; thirst for dishonor and reproach, so that you may recognize your sins and get rid of them, like King David. Remember what the sinless Lord and His Most Holy Most Pure Mother, the holy apostles, prophets, hierarchs, reverend and righteous people endured for you, and do not seek glory from the world. Be above the earth and everything earthly, despise temporary sorrows, temporary dishonor, but fear eternal sorrows and eternal dishonor. February 8. After the all-night vigil. I thank the Lord for the gift of tenderness, peace, spiritual delight, God’s enlightenment during the all-night vigil, for deliverance from hostility towards Father Deacon Peter Safronov. What do the exclamations of the Church mean... and we send glory to You, Father and Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages? Firstly, the faith and hope of the saints, or Christians in general, that they will inherit eternal life, into which they are called, and will glorify the Lord forever; secondly, they mean the eternal Kingdom of the Holy Trinity, the eternal existence of the Church. We are in time - and at the same time, as if we have transcended the limits of time, when we glorify the eternal God. Majestic doxologies of the church! They show that the Kingdom of Heaven, the Eternal Kingdom, has approached, that we have, as it were, passed from death to the eternal life. How certain it is that I should cry over my sins and put on sackcloth, begging the Lord, irritated by my countless sins, while I adorn myself, seeking the glory of this corruptible world, signs of distinction. Do I want to be different, pig? What? Are they countless sins? No, I certainly won’t boast about this! It is terrible that even a sinner seeks the glory of this world. You need to cry, you need to cry in order to put on clothes of purity and incorruptibility. Lord, Lord! My heart aches with corruption, worldly addictions, worldly merging - lift me up from the aphids. Because of the increase of lawlessness, love has dried up in my heart (Matthew 24:12)! Pour into my heart ardent love for everyone and especially for You, my Creator, the great, beginningless, immortal God, Provider and Savior. You were once seduced by uncleanness - how crazy you were! Why did the devil and your passion and your early lust lead you away! But thank the Lord, who has had mercy on you. Sympathize with every sinner, as you yourself are the first of sinners, and turn them to the path of truth and virtue. There is no longer any need to eat meat: there is a blockage in the stomach. February 8. There is only liquid food, and eat as little bread as possible; grant, Lord! The enemy is strongly fighting me because of gluttony: yesterday, February 9th, I ate brat 54 and fish at night - today I am overcome with hostility towards Deacon Peter for his ignorance and hostility, that he did not want to say hello, to extend his hand to me upon arrival at church. However, this was also the work of the devil, who slandered this deacon to me internally: I could not speak litanies of supplication and exhortation, and exclamations, and to Christ, the true Light. Sovereign Lord, our God, who has set up in Heaven the ranks and hosts of Angels and Archangels in the service of Your glory! Create at our entrance the holy Angels to be, serving us and glorifying Your goodness... 55 Why is this prayer read at the small entrance? She points to the words of the Savior: from now on you will see heaven open and the Angels of God ascending and descending to the Son of Man (John 1:51). I must love the Lord completely, undividedly, as He loves me, and not only in part, not only at times, while attachment to earthly goods, to wealth, to luxury in clothing and home decoration, to distinctions, to pleasures cools the soul to the extreme; worldly attachment is the scourge of the soul, its death. Why did the saints despise the whole world, consider everything as rubbish and love only God? He was their food, drink, wealth, the highest honor, a bright and imperishable robe, strength and strength, light, breath, consolation, protection. I am chasing awards and distinctions, but my inner being – my heart – is full of ugliness and impurity. Why do I want to be buried in a coffin 56? What spectacle am I presenting for the Lord, the Mother of God, the Angels, all the saints? Away with all the decorations that deceive both me and people. Wash yourself and be clean, take away wickedness from your souls (Isa. 1:16). Where is the whiteness of the baptismal robe? - Lost, replaced by the stinking and dirty rags of passions. Where is the denial of Satan and all his works, and all his ministry, and all his pride? – It was violated, it turned out to be false, hypocritical. I again went over to his side through sinful deeds. Where is the combination of Christ? Broken, the connection is broken in a daring way through the passions of the flesh, with which I work every day. Righteous God, Lord Jesus Christ, grant me to truly repent and return to You with all my heart! I can't live without you. At mass today I could not speak out from fear of the demonic Empress Maria Alexandrovna and the heir and his wife. Here's milk for you, here's plenty of cream for you! February 10. I thank the Lord, who deigned to serve Matins and delighted me with the reading of the canon of the daily week (Monday) and date (10th, Martyr Charalampios). The thought of the deacon’s malice and deceit confused me, I was hurt and embarrassed by the hostility towards him. But he, the deacon, did nothing to me except not greet me. If, in fact, he is hostile to me, and I am not guilty of anything before him, then why should I be embarrassed by his hostility and pay hostility for hostility? I must love him, according to the word of the Lord: love your enemies... do good to those who hate you (Matthew 5:44). God! Teach me to do Your will, grant me peace with those who hate the world (Ps. 119:6). I thank You, Lord, for by convicting me, You have healed my soul (you receive glory from each other, but do not seek the glory that comes from the One God (John 5:44)). And glory from God must be gained by correcting the heart from passions: pride, arrogance, malice and hostility, envy, ill will, gloating, despondency, fornication, intemperance, laziness, disobedience, hardness of heart, stinginess, love of money, cruelty. With You, Lord, there is heaven on earth, but without You the earth is hell (suicide). The church is the earthly sky, away from everything earthly, all worldly addictions. The Kingdom of God is within you, said the Lord (Luke 17:21). But with us it seems to be only on the outside (crosses, orders, luxury in food, clothing, home decoration, rich silver dishes and others, in money, in connections). But many don’t have it inside. But aren’t many prudent and sensible people weighed down by external splendor? Is this not a vain brilliance that does not enlighten, and does not pacify, and does not delight the heart? The Kingdom of Heaven has become an earthly kingdom for us (gluttony, honors, wealth). Grant me, Lord, affection and love for Deacon Peter as a fellow member, an image, a fellow man! February 12. Wednesday. Today I was disastrously carried away during Matins (at the litany of supplication and the litany) by the spirit of malice into malice against Father Deacon Peter Safronov, who was innocent of any obvious display of malice towards me. Oh, how long will I do the will of the devil? Until I sincerely love every person, especially my fellow servants, co-workers, and fellow members? How long will I obey the dreams of the 57 enemy and fear them? I felt that the air in the room of the druzhinsky house, where we were sent after the prayer service, was extremely bad and infectious and stinking demons nested in it, and was there any prodigal uncleanliness committed there? I did not feel well in this atmosphere and therefore soon left it, infected with the stench of the devil. At home I ate cod after a treat at Varvara Ermolaevna’s and drank tea after the tea there. (Then he weakened.) Oh, how weak is the heart, not strengthened by fasting and warm prayer. In the morning I prayed cursorily, heartlessly, listlessly! 12th. I thank the Lord, who raised my soul from death through the communion of the life-giving Mysteries, who reconciled, spread, and created me with boldness, who had no boldness before. Because of the new kamilavka, my heart was confused before the great entrance and at the great entrance, and I could not speak the royal family; before communion, the ruble taken for the benefit of the poor from the income (although given to me personally) confused and hesitated for a long time. O worldly passions! Scourge and death are your imperishable soul, in the image of God, humiliation, powerlessness, darkness. I thank You, Lord, for Your salvation, revealed in me at this hour (9th morning), when I thanked You for temporary blessings, showed contentment instead of thirsting for more, and instead of an abundance of earthly blessings, asked You for an abundance of grace: You gave me this immediately, that is, forgiveness of sins, peace, freedom, boldness, strength, light - I glorify You and Your grace. And before this there was languor and sorrow. February 14. I thank the Lord for the Divine Liturgy and for the communion of the Divine and Life-giving Mysteries, which miraculously revived me in my sinful mortification. Then, at the very end of the mass, when the deacon, handing over the censer, did not kiss my hand, I was suddenly embarrassed by the spirit of hostility towards Father Deacon and, having said the prayer behind the pulpit without stumbling, I could not say goodbye calmly and completely. Then at the prayer service and funeral service I was embarrassed. Then, by the grace of the Lord, he overcame his hostility towards Father Deacon. It turned out that Father Deacon did not even think about any hostility towards me. Glory to the Lord! In the evening, he celebrated four weddings: he celebrated the first and last without stumbling, and the second and third, when there were a lot of people, he celebrated with extreme obstacles from the crafty enemy. Especially the last one with extreme difficulty, embarrassment, reticence, omissions and, finally, laughter: the sexton gave the occasion, after that I could not read the prayers and ended up with the wedding. This is how the crafty enemy tricks us: the whole congregation in the church laughed. Oh, we are damned! The reason for the weakness and captivity of the heart from ethereal enemies is gluttony, failure to fast on Wednesdays and Fridays; the heart became prodigal, fearful, and mischievous. We must strengthen it with fasting, vigil, prayer, reading the Gospel, the Bible, and the holy fathers. Through the incarnation of the Son of God we are deified and ascended into heaven and seated with the Son of God on the throne of the Divine - how should we behave, how holy should we live, how much should we shun all vanity and impurity! How to keep up in love for God and each other! We are made equal to the Angels and form one Church with them - let us be jealous of the angelic life, focusing our minds on the heights and not the valley. The Kingdom of Heaven is approaching [Mdþ. 4, 17]. O Mystery of the Body and Blood of the Lord! How great, how saving, how incomprehensible you are! How I should revere you! But we receive communion unworthily, we live in gluttony, greed, covetousness, and impurity. Let's come to our senses. In frustration and rage, the beggar boy was pulled out by the hair. Oh, how meek the poor are, like lambs, how pitiful, how weak. And sometimes I attack them like a beast! Ox me, impudent, sated, covetous, hard-hearted, proud, contemptuous, obstinate, harsh, evil, envious, proud, prodigal! Oh, how vain and lovely is 58 earthly, human beauty, fading and turning to dust, and all the delights of the world: soft, expensive and elegant clothes, and wealth, and all attractive things! All this is charm, smoke, insignificance, and whoever becomes attached to them with his heart, Satan plays to his destruction, darkens, torments, destroys him, overthrows him in temptations. The servant of God must stand above all worldly attachments, be completely indifferent and cold to the things of the world and to fading beauty, and must cleave completely to God and acquire spiritual, sincere, unfeigned, firm, unchanging love for people. I can’t look at pretty faces (like yesterday at the wedding ceremony): my heart is unclean, prodigal, earthly. Sweets increased this impurity, abundant, fatty food and sweet drink, pleasant wine. February 15. I thank the Lord, who miraculously revived me through the communion of the Holy Mysteries, who raised me from the dead. Glory to Thee, Lord of the belly. What did the Lord mean in the words: everyone who leaves houses, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for My name’s sake, etc. (Matthew 19:29)? I understood our everyday addictions that prevent us from loving God with all our hearts and with all our strength and our neighbor as ourselves, and achieving the salvation of the soul, to which there is nothing dearer. For voluptuousness on Friday, the Sunday of the Prodigal, for eating modest food, I suffered cruelly from demons on Saturday during the service, I could not even say the funeral cry at the funeral service in the church of Irina Rumyantseva. God! Grant me from now on to be no one’s slave but You: neither a slave of my flesh, nor a slave of my passions, nor a slave of the world or people in worldly or carnal affairs, except in matters of salvation! Grant me, Your servant, to be free and independent. Amen. Until now, Lord, You alone have raised me, fed me, watered me, clothed me, enlightened me, had mercy, cleansed me, sanctified me, strengthened me, healed me, glorified me, consoled me, and not anyone else, although I, out of my short-sightedness and foolishness, thought that people had lent me a lot, and I was servile to them. February 16. I thank the Lord for the gift of serving the liturgy in the Duma Church, for pronouncing the name of the Empress and the entire royal house by name, with the prayers of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, whom he glorified in the akathist, and for reviving me with the Holy Mysteries. My heart is heavily covered with the smoldering passions, and that’s why I can’t say much. Post and post! Reading the word of God and praying with God-mindedness! February 17. 17th. I thank the Lord, who revived me, dead, by the communion of His holy, heavenly, terrible Mysteries. Terrible temptations befell me to the fullest, spiritual and physical: I could hardly speak, there was a terrible overwhelm in my soul, the fears of the evil one, weakness in my body, hoarseness and voicelessness in my throat... and what else was I extremely embarrassed by the evil one’s obsession? The deacon did not usually kiss the priest’s hand, and this gave me the idea that he disliked him, and this thought tormented me throughout the rest of the mass. After mass it turned out that Father Deacon did not have a shadow of enmity towards me. And this has happened so many times, but it seemed to me! I notice that you don’t have to eat and drink in every house, but only in decent ones and not allow yourself to clink glasses. Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand (Matthew 4:17); man is adored by the incarnation of the Son of God; a person on earth must live heavenly, in all goodness, righteousness and truth. The priest is the herald of the heavenly peace, the heavenly silence, the heavenly life, the heavenly glory, the heavenly, unfeigned love for all, the heavenly power, the heavenly bliss, the honor of the heavenly (and not the earthly) calling, the heavenly Kingdom, and must be completely taken away by grief, trampling on the earthly life, earthly wealth, earthly glory, beauty. May the Lord bless me and all of us, priests and bishops! Do not value portliness and facial beauty, elegant clothes, wealth, nobility: everything is earthly and vanity. A comparison of the prophecies of the Old Testament with their fulfillment in the New Testament shows as clear as day that the destinies of the world and man are wisely, expediently, beneficently, salutarily, omnipotently controlled by Divine Providence, directing all events of the world, church and civil history to a known goal, that the moral law is the main one, for the maintenance and preservation of which all other laws are given, political, or civil, family, natural, or physical, that with an infinite variety of events Church and civil history in them one can see the action of the hand of the highest Providence, directing the events of the world towards one common moral goal - in them one can see the action of the all-good, all-knowing and all-wise Doctor, healing the diseases and scabs of humanity, cutting off rottenness or cauterizing the infected places of his political body, as well as the action of the Righteous Judge, judging all nations in truth. The visible and invisible (spiritual), moral and material world is, in a perfect and undistorted form by human sins, an image of the perfections of God: His wisdom, truth, holiness, goodness, beauty, omnipotence, immutability, all-bliss, His endless perfections: and the heavens tell the glory of God, and the firmament proclaims the creation of His hand. Day of days is vomited by the verb, and night of night is proclaimed by the mind (Ps. 18:2-3); man must be holy, as the Lord our God is holy, and must proclaim the perfections of Him who called us out of darkness into His wonderful light (1 Pet. 2:9); The purpose of man is to reveal in his life the high properties and traits of the image of God, according to which he was created: faith and fidelity, hope, wisdom, justice, holiness, sociability, simplicity, meekness, kindness, mercy and compassion, patience, obedience, devotion to the will of God. May the whole world, visible and invisible, glorify the Lord, may it proclaim the virtues of its Creator - especially may the human race glorify Him, which has pitifully deviated from its high purpose and has boldly, ungratefully distorted the high, majestic, beautiful, imperishable features of the image of God! The eagle under the feet of the bishop means that he must constantly stand at the height of Christian contemplation and worldly impartiality (to trample on everything earthly as of little importance, not to be deceived by any of the vanities of the world: wealth, celebrity, birth, luxury, beauty, distinctions, praises, just as not to despise poverty, low rank and condition, simplicity, ugliness; not to be embarrassed blaming, envy, enmity or hostility of people towards him). A priest, like a bishop, must also stand at the height of Christian contemplation and dispassion. Woe to the priest who is bound by worldly lusts and pleasures, as well as to the bishop. The enemy oppresses me and deprives me of my most precious Treasure - Faith in myself, in the word, and brings his vain fear upon me, deprives me of the word and the glory of my God, preventing me from saying prayers, praise, thanksgiving, and petition. God! Crush Satan under my nose for Your name. Amen. There are so many things for which we have a heartfelt passion, so many idols we have, so many ties that bind our hearts, so many enemies who take away the God of our hearts and kill our souls. How good it is, therefore, not to have anything beyond what is necessary! How many, because of their thousands and millions, acquired through stinginess, hard-heartedness and intractability, or untruth and theft, robbery, will go to hell! And rightly so. I thank You, Lord, that You have delivered and cleansed me from the lustful thoughts and lusts that carried me away. I cried out to You in repentance, and You immediately delivered me from this feces and gave me peace. And in the first 59 save and save, for I am prodigal. The maiden did not die, but slept (Matthew 9:24). With these words, the Lord made it clear to the parents of the deceased and to everyone who was in their house and crying that He had overthrown the kingdom of death, trampled on it and put death to sleep. Glory to Thee, Lord! Sweet tea, especially constantly, enhances voluptuousness to the extreme. Therefore, during fasting you need to drink very little tea, and especially with sugar in a glass, and generally avoid sweets. Give, Lord! A voluptuous person is his own demon tempter. The invisible enemy offends, offends and offends me at public prayer - how long will this last? How long will my enemy rise up against me? Look, hear me, Lord my God! (Ps. 12:3 – 4). March 2, 1875. Resurrection. Week of Orthodoxy. February 23. Resurrection. After early mass. The Lord showed me His unspeakable mercy during Matins and early mass - he delivered me from the devil’s hostility towards Father Deacon Peter, who seemed to show me his hostility before the magnification of the Forerunner. Hostility extremely embarrassed me, tormented me, deprived me of words, boldness, and struck my heart with fear. But I wholeheartedly turned to the Lord with repentance and prayer for help - and I received the mercy of God, I calmed down, I received boldness; He said calmly, without haste, to Christ, the True Light, and said all the usual release and forgiveness. During mass there was again terrible crowding, fighting with enemies invisible until communion; after communion - freedom, peace. February 24. Monday of the first week of Lent. God! I thank You that You performed miracles of salvation in me through Your name, when I called on Your wonderful, all-saving name and carried it 60 in my mind and in my heart. Glory to Your great, wonderful, life-giving name. God! May it always be saving in me and in everyone and for everyone! February 25. I thank the Lord, who wonderfully provides for me and for His poor: today He sent me fifteen rubles (three gold) for the poor. And I was stingy with them. I will not be stingy, for the Lord is generous and merciful. I will not be upset when giving alms, but I will give joyfully and willingly, with zeal, not with annoyance and hostility, but meekly and with love. Grant, Lord! February 26. You care about the goodness of sinful and corruptible flesh and admire it when it is healthy and good-looking, but you leave your soul in ugliness and in the rags of passions, in confusion, excitement, storm, crampedness! Do you care and care about the image of God, incorruptible, immortal, about the bride of the Holy Spirit (for God has given us, it is said, the betrothal of the Spirit into our hearts (2 Cor. 1:22)), about the redeemed woman by the blood of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, clothed in Him, as it is said: those who are baptized into Christ have put on Christ (Gal. 3:27), - finally, about God's daughter and the monastery of the Holy Trinity, as it is said: and you will be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty (2 Cor. 6:18), and We will come to him and make an abode with him (John 14:23)? – Unite with the Lord through faith, repentance, love and be above worldly and carnal lusts and everything that is corruptible and decaying. February 27. Thursday. On the night of today, a voluptuous temptation happened in a dream as a result of yesterday's sweet tea, sugar buns and sherry, which I enjoyed while treating the young people: my sexton Vladimir Zrelov and his wife Anna Yakovlevna, whom I invited to tea. (...). You steal income from the brethren, although for the benefit of the poor, and the enemy steals from you the words of grace, the words of prayers and church praises, not allowing me to pronounce them. What is more valuable: money or grace? Without a doubt, grace that is priceless. Sell ​​your property and give it to the poor, if you want to be perfect (Matthew 19:21). It was not for good that I hastened to invite the young people to me, but it was at the instigation of the evil one, which can be understood from the anxiety and zeal with which I tried to invite them to me to get to know them, and also from the fact that after treating them, the enemy tempted me with voluptuousness, for during Lent I allowed myself a delicacy, and, moreover, on Wednesday of the first week. The repeated repetition of the word Wisdom at the end of the litanies at the beginning of the Liturgy of the faithful recalls the coming of the time of the great Sacrament, in which the infinite wisdom of God was manifested, saving humanity, and about the straining of all the power of our understanding in order to know the love of God, saving man. We preach the wisdom of God, secret, hidden... which none of the authorities of this age has known (1 Cor. 2:7-8). Let us listen to wisdom, that is, let us listen with an exalted mind, with an exalted heart, free from everything earthly, worldly, and sinful. I thank the Lord, who surprised His mercy over His verbal creation Zechariah, for he was sick near death, and the Lord raised him up through our common humble prayer of faith, and especially through the communion of the Holy Life-giving Mysteries, and prospered his affairs, as we prayed for the Lord and the Queen of Heaven. Glory to the Lord! I thank the Lord for the repeated salvation of my unworthiness through a sincere heartfelt appeal to Him and calling on His name. If the Holy Fathers and Councils that legitimized fasting lived in our time, they would have banned sweet tea along with dairy and meat foods, for these sweets greatly excite passions. A nasty uncleanness in the night (four days ago) and a fish dinner at Father Matthew's on Thursday left me dead in my soul, powerless at confession on Friday in the First Week of Lent. I felt extremely weak, dead, often could not say the prayer of permission, I was embarrassed, afraid, and exhausted. Woe was me on Friday. There were one hundred and ninety-four people at confession in the first week of Lent. He started confession at two o'clock and finished at eight and a half o'clock. I felt bad morally: timidity, fear, a rattling voice - I think from the lean food. I need milk. (I brought thirty-eight and a half rubles home.) My heart was sick, exhausted, without love for God and neighbor it was a sin for my sake. Woe to me, wretched one! March 1st. God! I thank You, for You revived me, deadened by sins, revived me through the communion of Your wonderful, life-giving Mysteries, during and after early mass (with the communicants). I thank You for the gift of contemplation and great tenderness with abundant tears during the all-night vigil on Sunday of the Second Week of Lent (on the Sunday of Orthodoxy). I contemplated everyone in unity. Oh, how great, sublime, saving, comforting is our holy faith! How she lives, pacifies, cleanses, enlightens, elevates, saves! God became man, deified humanity, ascended it to heaven, and seated it on the throne of the Divine; man is a member of His flesh and of His bones, His branches, and He is the Vine; they are His sons and daughters, His brothers, His sisters, the sheep of His pasture. The worship of our Church is based on the Sacraments; Our worship is beautiful and wise: now psalms, now litanies, now stichera of various kinds, now canons of songs, now reading the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, now prophecies, now sacred history, now prayers. The height of the beauty and greatness of heaven is our liturgy: this is an incomprehensible height, the height of Divine love, wisdom, omnipotence; here, as it were, the greatest and incomprehensible mystery of love and the Divine Incarnation, life, teaching, miracles, suffering, death, burial, resurrection and ascension of the Son of God are constantly repeated; here, as if the Lamb of God is constantly being sacrificed, taking away the sins of the world. The height of beauty is our festive all-night vigil with its litia, with the consecration of bread, wheat, wine and oil, with its canons. I was dead during the first week of Lent (not serving). But, having received the Holy Mysteries, he rose again and came to life - a wonderful thing! Glory to the miracle-working God! Glory to the Christian faith. The blessed marriage is an image of the union of Christ with the Church, therefore the marriage of the sovereign and empress, as royal persons, is primarily an image of the royal union of the King of all and His Royal bride - the Church in which the Holy Spirit lives. In addition, the marriage of the sovereign and empress, as the cause of new kings and royal persons, is especially venerable in the human race as such a Divine institution through which human societies are well governed. In addition, the sovereign is the image of the King of kings, and the empress is the image of the Lady of the whole world, the Blessed Virgin Mary. March 2nd. Resurrection. During mass I felt extremely ill, cramped, cold, dead, I think because in the evening I unnecessarily ate roast fish and drank sweet tea with almond milk. It was as if there were needles in my sides, my voice was weak, rattling - just a disaster! The cross is heavy! Live not as you want, but as God commands. You want to experience great spiritual pleasure from the liturgy, but what comes out of it is torment for my sins and my weaknesses. Only the communion of the Holy Mysteries almost always gives me great consolation and strength! Let us confess... my iniquity to the Lord (Ps. 31:5): I treated the poor this evening angrily, sternly and cruelly, shouted at them with annoyance, reproached them, persecuted them, tormented one of them by the hair. And they are meek and gentle, like lambs, and patient. I have sinned through inhumanity, hard-heartedness, and stinginess—I ask the Lord for mercy, if I have hope for salvation, if God’s love for mankind overcomes the multitude of my iniquities 61 . I pray to the Lord to take away the tightness from my heart according to His great mercy, to soften my heart and make it quick and willing to show mercy. Amen. I thank the Lord, who forgave me my malice and took away my distress. Glory to You, God! Why is it that in an ordinary conversation I speak freely face to face and look into the eyes of every person, but during divine services during holidays and in general when addressing the people I hide my face and my eyes? This is obviously absurdity, but this absurdity is from the devil. – Look directly at the people, observe everyone, penetrate as much as possible! Take a bold look. March 3. Monday of the second week. I thank the Lord, who, by His sole unconditional mercy, has made me worthy to perform the Presanctified Liturgy and partake of the life-giving Mysteries for salvation. I thank the Lord, who saved me from hostility towards my brother, Father Pavel Lamanov, and towards the director of the gymnasium, Pyotr Nikolaevich, when I condemned myself for that and repented. Soon, the Lord solemnly saved me from cramped conditions and despondency. I imagined that they were plotting against me together, but the Lord forbids me to think anything evil about them. And in fact, if I do not harm myself, then no one can cause it to me, for the Lord is my Intercessor, a strong and righteous Judge, ready every day for righteous wrath. To him be glory and eternal power. Amen. I thank the Lord for his good obedience and quick salvation from the prodigal demon in N.M.’s apartment. Ovodov (during the prayer service) and at Anna Ivanovna, his mother by wife, as well as in the apartment of the school superintendent Khrenov before the funeral service. For a passionate, earth-loving person, everything and everything on earth is a charm and a temptation: a charm for oneself, and people, and every thing. And this is where the source of his incessant suffering is. Instead of, for example, seeing in man, man and woman, a reflection of God Himself, or a living image of God, the Creator, Who is infinite holiness, truth, wisdom, beauty, power in Three perfect Persons, a single Divinity, he often sees in him only the charm of his benefits or his bestial pleasures, and the one who is deified becomes for him, as it were, a soulless thing. My God! Grant me to always look at man as Your image and likeness, as a being beloved by You, eternal, and to guide both myself and him to You, to eternal union with You through the word, sacred rites and active childcare 62 and shepherding. It is not in vain that You divided them into shepherds and flocks and commanded some to be leading fathers, and others to be led by children, and You Yourself call Yourself the Chief Shepherd. March 4th. After Matins. Yesterday's dinner (fried perch in vegetable oil, cucumbers) brought me an abyss of sorrow, weakness, shame during the service, and before the service, at night, it caused excitement and tension in the reproductive parts. While performing Matins, I felt weakness, powerlessness, fear, shame, I could not utter many words, for there was powerlessness in my sides - the work of an ethereal enemy. And rightly so! It's time to stop freaking out. Cucumbers are also bad for me. It also hurt me that I sorted through the baptismal handkerchiefs in two tables or drawers - the dust had a harmful effect on me and became like fumes in my head. I sinned: I got angry with a beggar and pulled his hair out. When I got up this morning, I felt in my body, in my face, in my hands a special fullness from yesterday’s dinner and, perhaps, a second sleep in the morning in a warm cassock, in trousers under a flannelette blanket. And at night I slept cool. My main fault is that I ate fish for dinner. The parable of the Lord, spoken by the prophet Isaiah about the vineyard (Is. 5:1-5), comes to every Christian sinner and to me in particular, because the whole parable, feature by feature, can be applied to me. God! Have mercy on me and teach me to produce fruits worthy of repentance. Not for a moment should I relax my soul with gluttony, wine drinking, voluptuousness, contemplation, love of things, love of money, ambition, hostility and similar sins, for my bodiless enemy is vigilantly watching over me, looking to devour me or lead me into a snare and into misfortune, as today at Khrenov’s funeral service he captivated me with embarrassment and fear, haste, stealing the words of prayer at funeral litanies, or at the christening of (M...) Adrian in front of the maidens. Wonderful in Your providence for Your poor people, Lord, I thank You that You, the most merciful, again sent them alms through Your servant John, handing it over to me. You see everything, you know everything, you know the needs of the poor, and the fact that there are a lot of poor here, and all of them, or many, come to me, but I am not rich and owe many of Your gifts that I have - for here I have a wife, orphans, nephews, nieces, godsons and goddaughters - all poor, everyone demands money from me. March 6. Most Holy Lady Theotokos, Treasure of holiness, love, all perfection, an abyss of goodness, humility, most perfect simplicity and at the same time all-powerful power. Save us, Most Immaculate, for You can do everything. In God there is infinite love, wisdom, simplicity, holiness, truth, infinite beauty, infinite sweetness, glory, bliss, infinite power, but in people, or in earthly creatures in general, there is only a fleeting shadow of His wisdom, beauty, sweetness, bliss, glory. Don’t look for this in creatures, but look for it in God. Well, today the evil one tormented me for yesterday’s drinking at Father Matthew’s (a glass of sherry and a cup of tea), at Fyodor Vasiliev’s, the innkeeper (two glasses of sherry and two oranges, and a glass of sweet tea), and for eating fish (smelt) at home at night. I was irritable to the extreme, angry, embarrassed, agitated, oppressed to the point of impossibility; he hesitated on litanies, missed words and sayings. And rightly so, the torment for me. Gluttony during Lent is godlessness, materialism in practice, the falling away of the soul from God, falling into bestial lusts, into brutal malice. This is what non-observance of God-ordained fasting leads to! I experienced this myself. Have mercy on me, God, have mercy on me. (Two sour oranges had a bad effect on me. I was internally angry at the sexton for an insignificant, involuntary mistake: it’s good that I didn’t tell him in anger and suffered it on myself.) And what about the sins of others, which I take upon myself by distributing their money to the poor? Why am I not giving away my own and not cleansing my soul with alms? I don’t give away much of my own now. March 6. Before evening. Fish food, especially smelt, makes me terribly strong, and I shouldn’t drink wine with fish, as yesterday I drank at Father Matthew’s and then at Fyodor Vasilyev’s. There was also Vasily Vasilyev, a widower suffering from heavy drinking - he did not drink the glass that was poured for him, and then I drank his glass of sherry, and for that, instead of him, I was greatly tormented by the devil, especially during Matins: the embarrassment was terrible, the cramped conditions were unbearable, the shame was inexpressible. In what (guilt) I thought I would find reinforcement, I found in that the reason for the terrible relaxation of my soul and the terrible temptation. It was very cold outside, probably, and it had a bad effect on me, because the cold makes me especially strong, that is, my stomach. Do not accept the face of man in the court of repentance - for God’s court is. My sexton Zrelov sometimes makes mistakes against his will in church, he himself admitted it. May God forgive him, for I too often stumble against my will. Yes, I stand on a universal point in judging the mistakes of my neighbor, and not on a special point, as if the person who sinned against me and the rank of the church was a special, holy, heavenly person, and not an ordinary, sinful, earthly person. March 7. Friday. Evening. Nine o'clock. I sinned grievously before God, being seduced during the christening at (L...) by a red silk scarf, this beautiful decay, but free, which I myself can always buy and the price of which I give in abundance to the poor almost every day. Oh, how the soul is enslaved by this decay! Like an earthly aphid, it corrupts the immortal soul, existing in the image and likeness of God, a soul that is not worth the whole world, the entire material universe, for it is the image of the Divine. God! Forgive my great sin, that I did not glorify You as I should and was ashamed of people, and most importantly, that my heart was deceived and carried away by the red scarf. So I left out a lot in the aftermath of baptism and did not finish speaking, completely defeated by the enemy, plunged into fear, embarrassment, and shame. I didn’t read the Gospel, I didn’t read the last prayers, I didn’t say the last litanies, I didn’t say the full dismissal, but I stole it. Away with all earthly corruption that corrupts my soul - sweet food, drink, money, clothes made of silk and velvet, all kinds of treasures made of metals and glass, all kinds of beautiful distinctions. God! You are my sweetness, beauty, treasure, wealth, glory, strength, beauty, incorruptibility! Amen. Forgive me, Lord, my sin! A heart that is partial to anything earthly falls away from love for God and neighbor, and therefore addiction to so-called earthly goods is very dangerous for a Christian and can be disastrous. I count everything as rubbish in order to gain Christ, says the holy Apostle Paul (Phil. 3:8). No one can serve two masters (that is, the world and God): for either he will hate one and love the other; or he will be zealous for one and neglectful of the other (Matthew 6:24). (Today's christening with a silk scarf.) How stupid we are and how often we die because of our stupid attachment, earthly, vain, perishable! Why not become attached to the highest, eternal, all-perfect Being? Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand (Matthew 4:17), said the Lord and then His Forerunner, and indeed, the Lord made countless people on earth heavenly: the Forerunner, the holy apostles, martyrs, hierarchs, saints and all the saints: they lived heavenly on earth too. Grant us, Lord, a heavenly life on earth. Save, Lord, Your heritage - us, Your sinful servants, grant us to live worthy of our high calling of Christians, to which You have called us through baptism, confirmation, repentance, communion, and so on. Lady! Save the property of Your Son and Yours and let us live worthy of Your sovereignty. With what leaden weight, with what fetters do all earthly passions and pleasures lie upon us! How easy it is for the soul when, through repentance and fiery prayer, it renounces all earthly things and unites with God! Oh, then there is in the soul the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding (Phil. 4:7). I stumble a lot from embarrassment during worship, and no one punishes me (however, I myself suffer great punishment from God for this), but brother Vladimir, the sexton, stumbles a little, and I treat him strictly, although he himself is not happy (his words) about stumbling. You must treat him condescendingly, meekly, kindly, lovingly, and patiently. The Orthodox Church surpasses all non-Orthodox churches: 1) by its truth, its Orthodoxy, observed and won by the blood of the apostles, hierarchs, martyrs, saints and all saints, 2) by the fact that it most faithfully leads to salvation (as well as the direct and faithful path), which faithfully cleanses, sanctifies, renews through the hierarchy, worship, Sacraments, fasting and 3) what best teaches one to please God and save one’s soul, best guides one to repentance, correction, prayer, thanksgiving, and glorification. Where is there such prayer, doxology, thanksgiving, petitions, such wonderful worship as in the Orthodox Church? Nowhere. Pretzels and white bread in general and empty tea clog the stomach and larynx and weaken the nerves extremely. You should drink wine or cream with tea and eat milk or fruits, but at night avoid all nutritious and mealy foods. Buckwheat porridge is often consumed as it is beneficial for the chest and larynx; cabbage soup with sauerkraut, cabbage salad, fruit mess. I thank the Lord, who strengthened my heart with His grace to say today (March 8) a prayer to Christ, the true Light, and to forgive all, except for the name of the holy noble prince Alexander Nevsky. Holy and faithful Prince Alexandra, pray to God for me, who is infirm, and truly, without hindrance, I always say that I must. Do not be discouraged, my soul, from the temptations of the enemy and from your stumblings, for the Lord of my life knows the countless weaknesses of my soul and body, both inherited from my parents and the initial unfavorable upbringing, and from their blood (scrofula), knows my painful nerves and from their character (my mother’s timidity passed on to me, her silence; negligence, laziness, greed for food and drink in father), and from upbringing at school, college and seminary, and the general inclination of man, and therefore yours, to sin, knows the malice and deceit of the ethereal enemy. Since my scrofula is all over my stomach, on my nerves, and it is something other than extreme thinness, I need to eat fresh food that gives good, healthy juices, for example, fruits, milk, good wine, poultry meat. Glory to the Lord, who has worked wondrous miracles of His mercy and power in me through the communion of the Divine and life-giving Mysteries during and after the liturgy, who has crushed the power of the enemy in me and the wiles of hell in me, and the peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil. 4:7), and who has given me joy with space in my heart and boldness. I thank the Lord for giving me, a sinner, deep, sweetest prayerful tenderness during the all-night vigil in the Duma Church. Glory to the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, who gives prayer to those who pray. My prayer was heavenly, for I prayed with the Holy Spirit. May God always pray like this. I prayed for all Christians, for the residents of the city, for our parishioners, for those praying in the church, for the whole world. I prayed for our Guardianship and for the means for it. This poor widow contributed more than anyone else (Mark 12:43). Never eat oranges on a lean stomach, that is, before lunch. It is harmful to the blood and digestion. The Lord showed me two greatest blessings at the Sunday all-night vigil (March 8) after two weeks of fasting: He delivered me from the oppression of my sins (obstinacy) and from the embarrassment and burning of my conscience, and then bestowed peace and prayerful tenderness. I extol the goodness and bounty of the Lord. And at home at ten and a half o’clock in the evening the Lord saved me from great distress when I prayed to the Lord in repentance. I praise the Lord. Benevolence, or satisfaction with our spirit, of all church prayers, hymns, doxologies, and thanksgivings. What wisdom, what wealth of the Holy Spirit was poured out throughout the entire structure of church worship. Glory to the Lord for this, who cares for souls created in the image and likeness of God, and who gave them what they needed, and deprived them of nothing, no goodness. The Lord shepherds me and will deprive me of nothing. In the place of the green of church teaching, doxology, prayer, thanksgiving, there they instilled me, on the calm water of Divine grace and the Sacraments, raised me. Convert my soul, guide me in the paths of righteousness, for Your name’s sake (Ps. 23:1-3). I thank You, Lord, for You enlightened through illness and corrected Your servant Zechariah, this verbal animal of Yours, from an unjust life. You are great, Lord, and you alone work miracles! Glory to You in all! And with me, spiritually dead, You work miracles. March 9th. Resurrection. I thank the Lord for the abundant tears of tenderness during the liturgy, especially after the great entrance during the reading of Vasiliev’s God-inspired prayers 63, and for the great victory of the Lord in me over the evil that exists in me, through the Divine, heavenly, life-giving Mysteries. (Word in front of the mug.) At the beginning of the liturgy, my heart was wounded, confused, and embarrassed by the crafty view of St. Annin’s ribbon (order) in the Gospel and the wishes of St. Annin’s Order. But the Lord sent me the spirit of understanding, and I realized that this is an aphid that only torments my heart and separates me from God and from His life, like all carnal lust, all earthly beauty, sweetness, every earthly treasure, wealth coveted without need or need. Do not hide for yourself treasures on earth, where worms (the devil) and aphids (everything earthly and corruptible) corrupt, and where tatiye (mental) dig up and steal: hide for yourself treasures in heaven, where (although still living on earth) neither worms nor aphids corrupt (remember the saints, and those who lived in heaven on earth, who left all earthly attachments and in whose hearts there were no worms and aphids corrupting their souls, but there was the heavenly grace of the Holy Spirit), and where things are not undermined or stolen (Matthew 6:19-20). After such understanding, my heart calmed down, the grace of God kissed me with peace, and I performed the service well, even mentioning at the great entrance - thanks be to the Lord! - I spoke well to Empress Maria Alexandrovna, the heir with his wife and their children, etc., concluding Konstantin Nikolaevich with his wife, - then a child’s cry prevented me. So, the one Lord gives life. March 17. I sinned before the Lord and before men - I sent to hell the one created in the image of God (the youth Alexei the beggar), renowned by the Holy Spirit, redeemed by the priceless blood of the Lord, born of water and the Spirit 64, a member of Christ, the temple of the Holy Spirit, and for what? For the silver coins of Judah, it was a pity to give a silver coin. I repent, Lord, I take back my impudent, evil words and ask and pray to blot them out forever. To combat the extreme irritation of my nerves, I drank a glass of milk last night, but it weighed me down, my heart, my insides: I could not pray with feeling, I could not read, and after the walk I went to bed. There is no need to drink milk unless necessary. And yesterday’s two-time early meal (with tea of ​​prosphora and at twelve o’clock milkfish with white fish) was both a burden and a net for me: at the funeral service at (...) I couldn’t say goodbye to his deceased wife Sophia, I was ashamed, I was afraid, I don’t know what, some invisible shadow - I was afraid of fear where there is no fear. The more you shy away from pronouncing the proper words out of fear, the worse it is, the more the enemy attacks. O adversary! Can you hinder the mercy of God, so that the Lord does not create the righteous in the villages, rest in the depths of Abraham, and count the souls of dead Christians with faith and hope among the righteous? – You can’t. So, Lord, grant me to sincerely and firmly always say the appropriate words of prayers and dismissals. Let me go in peace, Lord, and all those for whom I pray according to the guidance of my mother, the Holy Church. Fire chief - chief of the fire brigade That is, from slavery to the devil, work (church glory) is slavery. Rambov is the popular name for the city of Oranienbaum, now the city of Lomonosov. “Pilot” (English pilot - pilot) is a rescue screw tug, the first icebreaker-type steam vessel. At the direction of the Russian shipowner M.O. Britnev in 1864 in Kronstadt, on the small steamship Pilot that he owned, the bow end was cut off at an angle of 20° to the keel line, following the example of Pomeranian boats, as a result of which the ship could crawl onto the ice and break it with its weight. Subsequently, this bow shape was called an icebreaker, and the ship itself was recognized as the prototype of a new type of ship - icebreakers. According to the practice of church life in the 19th century, before the wedding takes place, a threefold announcement must be made about the persons wishing to get married. Anyone wishing to get married must notify the priest of his parish, in writing or verbally, of his name, title and rank, or condition, as well as the name, title and condition of the bride. This application must be made no later than a week before the marriage. Having received the application, the priest himself (or through a deacon) makes the announcement in the church on the next three Sundays (and other holidays that occur between them) after the liturgy. If the bride belongs to another parish, then the announcement must take place in her parish church. Upon announcement, everyone who has information about obstacles to marriage is obliged to let the priest know about it, in writing or in words, immediately and no further than the last of the three announcements made in the church. The exclamation of the priest at Matins. That is, spiritual children (verbal (church glory) - spiritual). Verbal (Church Slavic) – rational, spiritual, possessing the gift of speech, in contrast to “dumb” animals who do not have it. Our si (church glory) - ours. Tolikiy (church glory) – so great. Gregory (Postnikov; 1784 – 1860), Metropolitan of Novgorod and St. Petersburg. In 1814 he graduated from the St. Petersburg Theological Academy, where one of his mentors was St. Philaret (Drozdov), who had a great influence on him. Since 1819 - rector and ordinary professor of the St. Petersburg Academy; maintained strict order at the Academy, improved educational programs, and improved the financial situation of students; taught theological sciences, Holy Scripture, and participated in the translation of Holy Scripture into Russian. His lectures were distributed in printed and handwritten form to many religious educational institutions. The works of Metropolitan Gregory laid the foundation for official spiritual journalism in Russia: in 1821 he founded one of the first spiritual magazines in the country, Christian Reading; in 1855, the Orthodox Interlocutor magazine began publishing in Kazan; in 1857, the Spiritual Conversation magazine, intended for the laity, was founded. In 1822, Gregory was consecrated Bishop of Revel, vicar of the St. Petersburg diocese. In 1825 he was appointed to the Kaluga See, where he began to actively engage in missionary activities among the Old Believers. In 1832 he headed the celebration of the discovery of the relics of St. Mitrophan of Voronezh. In 1848 he was appointed Archbishop of Kazan and Sviyazhsk. He paid special attention to missionary activity, took care of strengthening the common faith, and headed a committee to translate liturgical books into the Tatar language. At his insistence, missionary departments were opened at Theological Academies and Seminaries in St. Petersburg, Moscow, Kazan, and Kyiv. Bishop Gregory was a major specialist in the history of the Old Believers. His book “The Truly Ancient and Truly Orthodox Church of Christ” (1854) was published four times during the saint’s lifetime. In 1856, he was elevated to the rank of metropolitan and transferred to the St. Petersburg See, and from that time on he was a first-present member of the Synod. Metropolitan Gregory was a tireless preacher; he preached at every service, addressing the listeners with simple, brief, but succinct instructions. Metropolitan Gregory was a member of the St. Petersburg Academy of Sciences (since 1821), an honorary member of the department of Russian language and literature (since 1841) and the general meeting of the Academy of Sciences (since 1856). He led a strict, ascetic lifestyle and was distinguished by generous charity. He was buried in the Holy Spiritual Church of the Alexander Nevsky Lavra. The exclamation of the priest at Vespers. Sherry is a strong table wine. Yanish Petr Nikolaevich, director of the Kronstadt men's gymnasium in the 1860s - 1870s. In those same years, Father John taught the Law of God in this gymnasium. Kiss (Church Glav.) – to greet. If the Lord were not in us, no one against us would be able to overcome the enemy's battle: those who overcome are exalted from here. Antiphon for Matins, tone 6. Contempt (church glory) – arrogance, pride, disrespect. Prayers to the Mother of God from the sequence of morning prayers. Preformed (Church Glorious) – subject to destruction, change. Rozhdiye (Church Slavic) – branch, branch. The exclamation of the priest at the Divine Liturgy after the consecration of the Holy Gifts. Perishing (Church Glav.) – temporary, collapsing, perishing; the painfully perishing food is temporary. Prohibition (Church Slavic) – morning, punishment, prohibition. Prisny (Church Slavic) – always close, dear. Rhine wine - lit. Rhine wine. A variety of grape wine. Stuzhati (Church Glav.) – to disturb, bother, crowd. Tochiyu (Church Glav.) – only. My beauty is Grace. My moderation, strength, glory (lat.). Abide (Church Glav.) – remain, last forever. The magistrate is an estate body of city government. Troparion and Kontakion for the Feast of the Dormition of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Vospisati (church glory) – to exalt, reward, send up. Tune (Church Glav.) - for free. Plesna, plesnitsa (Church Slavic) – foot, foot. Packs (Tsek.-Slav.) - again, again. To be imputed (Church Glav.) – to be numbered. Troparion from the prayer canon to the Most Holy Theotokos. Voezhe (Church Glorious) - so that. Shuitsa (Church Slavic) – left hand, that is, from the bad side. Right hand (Church Glav.) – right hand. Eliko (Church Glav.) – how much. Prayer of Saint John of Damascus from the sequence of prayers for the sleep of the future. Dovleti (Church Glav.) – to be sufficient. Neglect, negligent (church glory) - despise, reject, neglect. Part (Church Glav.) – fate, allotment, condition. Podvizati (Church Glav.) – exhort, encourage (move – disturb, disturb). So that man will no longer continue to magnify himself on earth. Translation by P. Yungerov. Obache (Church Glorious) - however, however. It is known (church glory) - true, truly, undoubtedly. Troparion on the Immaculates from the funeral service. Simple (Church Glav.) – in the sense of being whole, indivisible into parts. Ever (Church Glorious) – always, constantly. Drachena is a dish prepared from flour, eggs and milk, like an omelette. Small Entrance Prayer read by the priest at the Divine Liturgy. Painted (Church Slavic) – tinted, painted. Dream, daydream (Church Glav.) – an empty, false idea; deception, seduction. Charming (church glory) – deceiving, deceiving: seductive (charm – deception, lie, seduction). In the future (Church Glav.) – in the future tense. Obnosti (Church Glav.) – to carry around, to distribute. Prayer of St. Symeon Metaphrastus For in Thy Dread and impartiality stand before the Judgment Seat...” from the follow-up to holy communion. Schoolmaster (Church Slavic) – mentor of children, mentor. That is, the prayers of St. Basil the Great, whose liturgy is served on Sundays of Great Lent. That is, baptized, reborn by water and the Spirit; give birth (Church Glav.) – to revive, to give a new birth. 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