Слово 9, о человеческой добродетели

I love virtue; however, this did not teach me what virtue is and where it comes from to me, who love it so much. And unsatisfied desire torments. If virtue is a pure stream, not mixed with the waters that flow from every place, from snow and rain, then I ask: who found it on earth? For everyone either had heart impurity in himself, or accepted it into himself; meanwhile he drags his heavy body and is indignant from the outside at the enemy of our life, who darkens and denigrates us with the abyss. Yes, and it would not be typical for me, who myself am nothing more than a solidified current, and am constantly drawn by the flow of life, to be something non-fluid. If virtue is not a completely silvery stream, but accepts the worst into itself and is a discordant mixture, then say: how is it virtue? At least my quick mind works a lot on this. Snow is naturally cold and white, while fire is reddish and warm. And they are incompatible with each other; and those united by force are destroyed rather than united. How did the vile thing come to virtue, humiliating the image of God in me; How could the image of the great God be touched by malicious sin, if I really am God and it is not in vain that I boast that I am Your property, O God? I hear about the beautiful river Althea, that it flows through a bitter sea, and its sweet waters (to surprise!) do not suffer harm in the continuation of this flow. But just as corruption is fog for air and disease for bodily members; so for virtue it is our sinful night. I often lifted my leg to march towards heaven, but heavy and heart-consuming worries brought me down to the ground. Often the most pure light of the Divine also illuminated me; but suddenly a cloud appeared in front of me, covered the great radiance and crushed my spirit because the light fled from what was approaching it. What does this incommunicability mean? Or was such a law written for a mortal that I should always be tormented by desire? Or is it for my own benefit that I have difficulty acquiring and difficulty maintaining? For that is what is durable, what the mind has worked on. Like a cunning beast covers some tracks with others; so often the enemy obscured in me the ability to distinguish between good and evil, so that with this cunning he could mislead the hunter of virtue. One thing is prescribed for me by the flesh, the other is a commandment; one is God, the other is an envious person; one is time, the other is eternity. But I do what I hate, I enjoy evil, and with an internally bitter, malicious laugh I laugh at the terrible fate: for me, death is pleasant. Now I am low, then again I am high. Today I abhor contempt, but in the morning I myself am a despiser. As times change, so do I, like a polyp, take on the color of the stones. I shed hot tears; but the sin is not cried out with them. Although their flow has dried up, yet with new crimes I am preparing another within myself; and I have rejected the means of healing. In the flesh I am a virgin; but I don’t know clearly whether I’m a virgin at heart. Shame lowers the eyes, and the mind shamelessly raises them up. I am keen-sighted for the sins of others and short-sighted for my own. In words I am heavenly, but in my heart I cling to the earth. I am calm and quiet; but as soon as even a light wind blows, I rise in stormy waves, and the excitement will not stop until silence comes; and then it is not very surprising for the anger to subside. Often, someone who followed a good path with good hopes and had already reached beyond mediocre virtue was suddenly thrown down from a height by a destructive enemy; and it was as if he was ascending on sand, which was rolling backward under an unsteady foot. Again I stretch upward and again return back with greater shame than before. I am always on the move, always in great fear; and as soon as I take a few steps forward, I immediately fall. My life is long, but I don’t want to give up my life. I wish you healing; but healing is far from me; because as the days go on, I collect more sins. Therefore, in our family, let the following truth be indisputably known: The first, pure nature is the Trinity, and then the angelic nature; thirdly, I, a person placed in balance between life and painful death, I, who have a majestic goal, but difficult to achieve, unless, at least somewhat, I open the door of a sinful life; for such a feat is intended by God for my mind. And that one of us is the most perfect, who, among many evils, carries within himself a few idols of sin, who, with the help of the great God, keeping in his heart a fiery love for virtue, hurries to the heights, and drives sin away from himself, just as the current of a river, flowing into another fast and muddy and indomitable river, although it mixes with it, nevertheless, with the superiority of its purity, covers its dirty current. Such is the virtue of a complex being; greater perfection is left to celestial beings. And if someone else on earth saw God or, having taken heavy flesh from here to heaven, ascended to the King; then this is God’s gift, but let there be a measure for mortals! But I’ll put into your mind a word about how to rise to the heights of great virtue, which alone is pure sacrifice to the Pure. I don't think this is possible here. For here a multi-layered fog lies before our eyes. It is also desirable if, along with this life, I leave behind my many lamentable sins. Virtue is not only a gift from the great God who honored His image; because your desire is also needed. She is not the product of your heart alone; because the most superior strength is required. Although my vision is very sharp, it does not see visible objects by itself and not without a great luminary, which illuminates my eyes and is itself visible to the eyes. And for my success I need two shares from the great God, namely: the first and the last, and also one share from me. God created me receptive to goodness, God gives me strength, and in the middle I am a current in the field. I am not very light on my feet, but not without hope of reward I strain my muscles in running; because Christ is my breath, my strength, my wonderful wealth. He makes me both vigilant and kind. And without Him we are all mortal playgrounds of vanity, the living dead, stinking of sins. You have never seen a bird fly where there is no air, or a dolphin swim where there is no water; so a person without Christ does not lift his feet up. Do not think too highly of yourself and do not rely on your own intelligence, although you are very wise. If you see anyone below you; Do not boast as if you have surpassed everyone and are close to the goal. He has not yet reached his goal who has not seen the limit of his path. You need to have a lot of fear, but you shouldn’t become excessively timid. Height brings down to earth, hope lifts to heaven; and God is angry with great pride. You can grasp some things with your hands, touch others only with hope; and completely refuse anything else. And that is a sign of chastity - to know the measure of your life. It is equally bad for you to put aside good hope and to have too bold a thought that it is not difficult to be perfect. In both cases, your mind is on a bad road. Always try to ensure that your arrow hits the very target, be careful not to fly further than the commandment of the great Christ, beware of not fully fulfilling the commandment; in both cases the goal was achieved. And excess is often useless when, wanting new glory, we strain the arrow beyond measure. If you think a lot about yourself, then I will remind you where you came into life, what you were before - when you lay in your mother’s womb, and what you will be later, namely: dust and the food of worms; because you will bring with you to the dead no more than the weakest. And if you think low of yourself, then I will remind you that you are Christ’s creature, Christ’s breath, Christ’s honorable part, and therefore together heavenly and earthly, an ever-memorable creation - a created god, walking through Christ’s suffering into imperishable glory. Therefore, do not please the flesh, lest you love this life to excess. But try to build the most beautiful church; because man is the church of the great God. And he builds himself into this church who renounces the earth and unceasingly marches towards heaven. And I advise you to protect this church so that it is fragrant from all your deeds and words, so that God always dwells in it, so that it is always perfect, and, moreover, essentially, and not externally. A ship not painted, multi-colored, and shining with counterfeit beauties is led along the sea ridge, but firmly nailed together, comfortable for navigation, skillfully equipped with the hands of an artist, and moving quickly through the waters. Let everyone stretch forward, yet let everyone cling to God; whoever is wise, whoever is strong, whoever is rich or poor, let everyone cling (hold on - Ed.) to this undeceiving support! Here everyone should tie their boat, especially me, who sits on a high throne and through sacrifices raises people to heaven, me, who, if I dishonor Christ in a darkened heart, is threatened with sorrow in the same way as good glory is due if I approach the Divine. For just as the measure of our life is measured according to God’s measures; Thus, according to the measures of life, God’s measure is measured. Reasoning like this, you will comfortably complete the field of life here, and then on the day when this gloomy life is resolved, you will move from here, in the good accompaniment of God Himself. You might be interested in: