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Many times I extended a plaintive word to Christ the King, exhausted from great misfortunes. For another king generously listens from a servant to a modest description of his slave sorrows; and a good father often accepts clearly bold speeches from his unreasonable son. Therefore, You, my God, be lenient with my words, which my aching heart will lift up to You, O Most Meek One. If the disease is regurgitated by the heart, this already serves as some relief from suffering. Why did You, my King Christ, strike me from above with so many disasters from the very time I fell from my mother’s womb onto mother earth? If You did not bind me in the dark womb; then why did I accept so much sorrow at sea and on land, from enemies, from friends, from evil bosses, from strangers and from compatriots, who openly and secretly showered me with words of contradiction and stone clouds? Who will describe all this in detail? I alone am known to everyone, not because I have an advantage over others in words or in strength of hand; but with their sorrows and lamentations. Like angry dogs surrounded a lion and barked at me. What pathetic songs from the east and west? Or maybe it will come to the point that someone who softened his heart at a feast, or some traveler, or someone else, touching the sweet-sounding harp with his fingers, and recounting my sorrows in silent sounds, will remember Gregory, who was raised by the Cappadocians in the small city of Diocaesarea. But to others you send, beyond expectation, laborious, untold wealth, and to others good children; some are beautiful, some are strong, others are eloquent. And my glory is in tribulations; From Your sweet hand You have poured out all the bitter arrows on me. – I am the new Job; The only thing missing is a similar reason for my suffering; because you are not bringing me into battle with a cruel enemy, as a good fighter, in whose strength You are confident, O Blessed One, and not in order to give reward and glory for a good deed. And I am incapable of this, and my sorrows are not so glorious. On the contrary, I suffer punishment for sin. What kind of sin is this? Of my many sins, I do not know which one offends You more than others. I will reveal to everyone what lies in the depths of my mind, although a word not clearly spoken would perhaps cover up sin. I thought that just as I had made You alone my desired lot, and at the same time cast all the scum of life into the sea, then, bringing my pompous mind closer to Your Divinity, I placed it far from the flesh. And the word led me to surpass everyone, to soar to the sky above everyone else on golden wings. And this aroused constant envy against me; it entangled me in troubles and inevitable sorrows. Your glory delighted me high; and Your glory has placed me on earth. You are always angry, King, at great pride! Let them hear this, and let them write to future generations, peoples and rulers, my enemies and well-wishers! I did not refuse the throne of my great parent, which was dear to me; no, and it would be unfair to resist God’s statutes. This throne was given to him according to the laws, and my young hand served as a support for the old hand; I yielded to the prayers of my father, who was not the only one I revered, in whom even those far from our court respected gray hair and its equal lordship of spirit. But when the Lord of our life wanted me to reveal the Word and the Spirit in other fields that were alien, uncultivated and overgrown with thorns; Then I, a small drop, gave drink to a great people. And then again it suddenly became desirable to send me back here, born to a serious illness and painful worries; Care is poison for a person. But I did not give peace to my members for a long time, for I had to give a shepherd's pipe - a good helper to my flock, which was left without a shepherd, so that some enemy, having ascended into it, would not fill his shameless belly with trash. since the rulers were worried, the people were also worried; they were worried about the desire to have a Shepherd; I was also disturbed by destructive beasts, who, having a maddened heart, imagined God incarnate in the human womb as having no mind: then many, not believing my suffering, cried out (and said openly, or kept it in mind) that out of arrogance I despise the God-fearing people (but God knows my sorrow); and many also judged me by their nightly dreams. Or their love, like a painter, presented many things in an embellished form; or God closed their eyes, preparing a good end for me, so as not to crush me with sad expectations for me, sending me the worst end of life. Therefore I bow my neck under Your mighty hand, and go as a prisoner. Let others sort out the rights; It doesn't do me any good to have my life judged. Draw me now, Christ, wherever You please; I am exhausted from sorrows, I am crushed, like the Prophet in the belly of a whale. I dedicate the rest of my life to you. But have mercy on the man who can barely catch his breath. Why do you hurt me with so many sorrows? You did not die for the good ones alone, O God! It was not for them alone that you came to earth - what an indescribable miracle! - God the man has come, sprinkling blood on our souls and bodies. I'm not the only one who is very thin; You brought many and bad people into glory. Three publicans are glorified in Your books: Matthew the Great, another who cast down his tears in the church, and the third, Zacchaeus; count me fourth among them! Three also paralyzed: one with a bed (Matthew 9:1–8), another at the source (John 5:5–8), and the third – bound in spirit (Luke 13:11); count me fourth among them! Three dead men again saw through You the light that You had revealed to them: the daughter of a prince, the son of a widow, and Lazarus, half-rotten in the tomb; count me fourth among them! And now, O Good One, give me medicines that relieve pain, and subsequently grant me eternal life and glory in Your glory. I was the leader of a godly flock; and when I am freed from this life, then, O Most Blessed One, may she be honored to have the best Shepherd. And if he has one like me, then at least let him have someone who suffers less: because it is indecent for someone who should be a healer of ailments in others to fight evil sorrows. You might be interested in: