Стихи о самом себе, в которых св. Богослов скрытным образом поощряет и нас к жизни во Христе

My King, Christ! You, with the pure hands of Your servant Moses, raised crosswise on the mountain, overthrew the once destructive power of Amalek. You, with the outstretched hands of Daniel, bound the terrible mouths of the lions and the terrible points of their claws in the ditch. Through You, Jonah, praying and stretching out his hands in the belly of the beast, came out of the great whale; and in the Assyrian flame, three courageous youths, as soon as they raised their hands, were covered by a dew-bearing cloud. You yourself once walked on the boiling sea, pacified the waves and the power of the winds, and brought out students overwhelmed by the winds from the sea; You have relieved many souls and bodies from illness; how God, who took upon himself human nature, entered into communication with mortals. And You were God from all eternity, but You appeared to us as a man at last, so that after You Yourself became a man, You could make me a god. Be a merciful God to me, O Blessed One, and save me! Be a merciful God to me, and come to the one who calls, come, merciful God, give me your hand and save me, who suffer from battle, from animals, from flames, from winds, and I only lift my eyes to heaven! For for me, both beasts, and the fierce wave of the sea, and lamentable warfare, and the desire of scorching fire - all are evil people, destroyers of my life, people who most of all hate those who love God, not fearing the judgment that threatens them later, not respecting people who turn away from the wicked. Protect me from them, O Christ, and mercifully protect me, covering me with Your wings! Remove from Your servant, O King, burdensome calamities; May my mind not be disturbed by such worries as the world and the ruler of the world arouse in pitiful mortals, like rusting iron, destroying the God-like image in them and turning the best part of man into something akin to flesh, so that not the soul delights in grief the flesh that gravitates to the earth, but the flesh casts down the winged soul to the earth, fertilizing the unfortunate one with carnal deeds! For mortals two are the gates of terrible death. Some exude from their hearts a muddy stream of sin; they always have harmful things on their minds: carnality, offensive insolence, destructive plans; They, having loved their fate and encouraging themselves to commit every crime, delight in sin. Others, with pure eyes of mind, see God, turn away from insolence - this product of a shameless world, live without sorrow under the shadow of the flesh, trample the earth with accelerated feet, easily following the call of God and the Spirit, and will subsequently shine as the secret places of the hidden life of the King Christ when it appears in the world. But even they, being tributaries of need, are tempted by the evil thorns of life, and the evil demon - the enemy of weak mortals - has invented from this thousands of stings of death, often hiding pathetic destruction under a plausible guise in order to catch the opponent; he also prepares a disastrous end for people, just as oud in water brings death to fish, which, desiring life, but absorbing only their own destruction, unexpectedly attract oud into their insides. And this insidious one, since I knew that he was darkness, clothed in a beautiful appearance, approached in the semblance of light in the hope that I, who loved virtue, would approach vice, when my light mind would be carried away into destruction. I was not bound by marriage - this stream of life, these bonds, the heaviest of all, which substance imposes on people as the beginning of work. I was not captivated by the beautiful waves of silken garments; I did not like long meals, I did not like to satiate the gluttonous belly - this destructive mother of carnivory; I didn’t like living in huge and magnificent houses; I did not relax my heart with musical sounds that gently shook my ears; I was not intoxicated by the luxurious evaporation of fragrant ointments. I provided both silver and gold to others who, sitting above countless wealth, love to indulge in worries and find little pleasure for themselves, but a lot of work. A piece of bread is pleasant to me, I have a sweet seasoning - salt; and the table is prepared without labor, and the sober drink is water. My best wealth is Christ, Who constantly lifts my mind upward, and not fields sown with wheat, not beautiful groves, not herds of oxen or fat sheep, not dear servants - one race with me, but separated from me by ancient torment, which imposed on those born of one earth (earth, or God) a double name - nobility and slavery, which was confirmed by the unkind law. I have no need for insignificant honor, which passes faster than a spilling breath, and quick-perishing glory; It is not important for me to receive awards from the king at the Court; I have never been seduced by the desire for a judicial seat, on which, sitting majestically, I could raise my eyebrows high; It doesn’t matter to me to have power in cities or among citizens, to indulge in the most deceitful and insignificant dreams that come one after another and fly away, or to grab a passing stream with my hands as if it were something solid, to catch a shadow and squeeze it with my hands, to stretch out my hands to the fog and touch it. Such is the human race, such is human happiness: it is like the most inconspicuous traces of a ship, which appear in front and disappear behind! One glory was pleasant for me: to be distinguished by the knowledge that the East and West had collected, and the beauty of Hellas - Athens; I worked hard on this for a long time. But I also cast this knowledge down and laid it at the feet of Christ, so that it would yield to the Word of the great God, which overshadows all the floridity and varied words of the human mind. But, having avoided something else, I did not escape the incredible - the enmity of an enemy who, with a friendly face, plots intrigues for me. I will frankly tell everyone my misfortune so that others can be saved from the tricks of the reptile beast. Caring for my parents, who were burdened with old age and severe grief, because of their children I was the only one left - a faint hope, a small flicker of a no longer existing great luminary - caring for my parents, I thought to do what was pleasing to You and Your laws, my King Christ; because You, Blessed One, give children to mortals, so that they may have help in them and with them, like a rod, they can support their trembling limbs. And of all those who honor You, my parents are especially concerned about piety, having avoided the danger of a sorrowful life, they tied their ship to Your pure commandments. You are the beginning and the end for them. My mother, having inherited the godly Faith from their fathers, placed this golden chain on her children. In a female form, wearing a courageous heart, she only touches the earth and takes care of the world, so that everything, and even the life here itself, can be transferred to heavenly life, and soar upward on light wings. And the parent before, serving idols, was a wild olive tree, but he was grafted onto the stem of a good olive tree and absorbed so much of the juices of the noble root that he covered the tree with himself, and nourished many with honey-flowing fruits, he is gray in hair and at the same time gray in mind, friendly, sweet-tongued, this is the new Moses or Aaron, a mediator between people and the heavenly God; immaculate internally, through pure mysteries and our sacrifices, which the mind tempers, he brings mortals and the great immortal God into communication. From such a parent and from such a mother I came. It is impossible for them to compete; but the fact that they compete with each other does not bother me. Taking care of them and facilitating their labors, I fed my mind with hopes that I was doing the most useful thing, fulfilling the duty of nature. But there is no doubt that the path of the wicked is full of destruction, because out of good things came evil for me. Incessant and heavy worries, consuming soul and body day and night, bring me down from heaven to my mother - the earth. First, to rule over servants is a veritable net of destruction. They always hate cruel rulers, and shamelessly trample on the God-fearing; They are not lenient towards the evil, they are disobedient towards the good, but they breathe unreasonable anger towards both. And besides this, one must take care of one’s property, always have Caesar’s burden on one’s shoulders, and endure the strong threats of the tax collector, because the tax, growing with the property, lowers the price of freedom itself for people, and there are bonds on the lips. It is necessary to spend time among the excitement of a crowded assembly, near the high seats from which human disputes are decided, it is necessary to listen to the loud objections of the enemy, or, according to the law, to endure sorrows in tangled networks. This is the burden, this is the work! And the evil ones take advantage of the good ones; guardians of the laws can be bought by either side. And if the evil one has more wealth, then he is the best. Who, with such people, without God’s help, will avoid many lies and intricacies? For it is necessary either to flee headlong and leave everything evil, or to blacken one’s heart, just as one who approaches this breath of destructive fire bears on himself the sad signs of either flame or smoke. But it's still bearable. My wound is more painful. After my half-blood left life, how much I endured and how much I hope to endure! Those who encounter unexpected losses do not expect anything better. During my brother’s life, I also had some fame among people; wealth or power never worried my heart. And as soon as he died, I alone endure sorrows and sorrows. Of the estates that the brother owned, some were swallowed up by the opening earth, when he himself was covered with the ruins of Nicaea, and others the demon gave over to plunder at the hands of worthless people; Only he himself, covered with rubble, escaped death, because the heavenly God stretched out His hand over the house in which he was. Oh, my Caesarea - venerable name - you shone like the morning star then at the royal court, taking first place in wisdom and meek disposition, having many strong friends and comrades; for many you invented medicines for serious bodily ailments; With your good deeds you saved many from poverty: but now you have died and fed many dogs that surrounded me from everywhere and barked; and no one from my family helps me. Few love me, and those love me like enemies; they respect you when they haven’t received anything yet, but when they do, they hate you. So from a tall, spreading oak tree, torn by the forces of the wind, here and there, branches are stolen from all around; Thus, from a vast vineyard whose fence has been destroyed, passing travelers gather grapes without mercy, and a boar grazing alone in the forests harms it with its teeth. And for me it’s a lot of tearful work; I don’t have the strength in my hand to either satiate or drive everyone away. Since the first time, having renounced the worldly things, I gave up my soul to bright heavenly thoughts, and the lofty mind, taking me from here, placed me far from the flesh, hid me in the mysteries of the heavenly tabernacle, illuminated my eyes with the light of the Trinity, more luminous than Which the thought of the Trinity, which from the exalted throne pours out on everyone a common and ineffable radiance, which is the beginning of everything that is separated from the transcendental by time, since then, I say, I died for the world, and the world died for me. I am a breathing dead man, my power is an ending dream; my life in another world: I groan under the plump flesh, which the wise beautifully call the darkness of the mind. Having renounced this life, from the darkening vision, from everything that, creeping on the earth, wanders and misleads, I wish to penetrate more purely into the constant, so that not in a mixture (as usually hitherto) with unclear images with which the vision of even the sharpest mind is deceived, but with pure eyes to see the truth itself. However, this is possible later; and what is here is worthless smoke or dust for the one who exchanged this life for a great life, earthly life for a higher life, fleeting life for permanent life. That’s why everyone attacked me; they don’t want to leave me, rushing as if they were ready prey. Alas, alas, my Caesarea! And you are a handful of dust, you, who reflected all worries from me, gave me the opportunity to avoid every burden, honored my brother like no one else, respected me like someone else respects his beloved father! But I do not so much lament the loss of property, which I wanted to make the common property of those in need, because I myself am a foreigner and a wanderer here and I leave everything to the hand of the Almighty, the giver of blessings; I’m not so much complaining about an insult that is hateful to every mortal, although it can most likely lead a meek person to anger; I do not so much mourn for my half-blooded ones, whom the coffin hides from me, kidnapping them prematurely, when they aroused the surprise of all earthly beings, as I cry for my soul, for I see that this beautiful and great queen, the daughter of noble Kings, is exhausted under the weight of insoluble shackles. Her enemies captured her by force of arms and subjected her to difficult slavery; and she lowers her sad eyes to the ground. Such is my suffering; This is the wound that I carry in my heart! There is an ancient legend that if an evil viper sets its teeth and inflicts a fatal wound, the wounded person only willingly recounts the story into whom the ruthless viper with its scorching poison poured the same destruction, because only such a person knows the intolerance of pain. So I will tell about my torment only to those who have the same love with me, the same suffering and similar sorrow. He will only accept my story with love, will wish to know the best secrets of the tearful heart, who, having desired to lift the burden of the cross and having his part in the garden of the great King, prefers the straight path and is compassionate towards the fallen. But I would arouse laughter by telling others about my sorrows, especially in whom faith is slightly imprinted on the surface of the heart, in whose interior strong love for the King has not penetrated, who lives on earth, thinking only about what is temporary. But let such people perish, because against everyone: both good and evil - they equally sharpen their tongue - this prepared arrow! And I will not stop lamenting until I have escaped the deplorable enslavement to sin, until I have closed with the key of the mind the insane passions to which the cruel Satan has now opened all the entrances, although they did not have access to me before, when God’s hand covered me and sin did not have a substance nearby that would easily and quickly ignite, just as straw not only ignites when the fire approaches, but when blown by the wind, forms a high flaming flame. pillar I should first of all hide my flesh in abysses, mountains and cliffs; there, fleeing from everything, from this life itself, from all worldly and carnal worries, living alone far from people, I would carry the whole Christ in my heart, lifting up my pure mind to the one God, until death would ease me, coming along with the fulfillment of my hopes. That's how it should be! But my love for my dear parents held me back; she, like a load, pulled me to the ground; not even so much love as pity - this most pleasant of all passions, penetrating the entire inside and all the compositions of the bones, pity for the godlike gray hair, pity for grief, pity for childlessness, pity for caring for the son, with which, constantly indulging in sweet labors, they tremble for him, as for the eye of their life and as for one burdened with sorrows. The subject of his studies was previously the books that the Spirit wrote in the language of holy men, as well as from the good writings the grace of the Spirit that shone forth and the hidden benefits revealed by one purified. He was pleased with Prayers, sighs, sleepless nights, angelic faces, which, standing on their feet, call upon God in psalms and in hymns lift up their hearts to Him, sending out common praises from many lips. He was pleased with the exhaustion of the culprit of evil - the belly, the moderation of laughter, the immobility of the tongue and eyes, the curbing of frantic anger. And the mind restrained the wandering thought, looking everywhere, and turned it to Christ with heavenly hopes; the mind stood above everything, raising the image to the King. And God was pleased with such a desire. Instead of wealth and the unbearable noise that bothers me in my dreams at night (because the ghosts of the night are like the worries of the day), I had before my eyes the radiance of God, the radiant countenance and the glory of the souls of the pious. But now in my soul, which formerly loved to talk with all the virtuous, all the decorations have perished, but inner desire and hopeless sorrow remain. I cry about this and I don’t know clearly what tomorrow will bring. Will God lead me back to the old rules of life, freeing me from sorrows and removing all the burdens from me, or will God, before I see a clear sky, before a plaster is applied to the wounds, cast me out of here, immersed in sorrow, an unfortunate person who longs for light after a deep night? Then who will help those who mourn in vain? Here is medicine for people; and in the end everything will be concluded. My gray head and wrinkled body bowed to the evening of my sorrowful life. But I have never experienced such strong and numerous sorrows before. I did not suffer so much when, setting out for Achaia from the Pharos land, I met the sea, stormed by fierce winds during the rise of the autumn calf, which swimmers are especially afraid of, and few of them dare to let go of the ship’s rope in front of it. For twenty days and nights I lay on the stern of the ship, calling upon the God reigning in the heavens in Prayers; a foamy wave, like mountains and cliffs, hit the ship from one side or the other and often fell into it; the gusty wind whistling in the ropes shook all the sails; the ether in the clouds turned black, lit up with lightning and vibrated everywhere from strong strikes of thunder. Then I surrendered myself to God and got rid of the furious sea, pacified by holy vows. I did not suffer so much even when the foundations of the vast and trembling Hellas were shaking, no help was visible in disaster, and I trembled because my soul was not yet sanctified by a heavenly gift; for the grace and illumination of the Spirit are drawn upon people by the font. I was not so afraid when illness filled my mouth with its devouring breath, constricted the passages of breathing and the paths of life; and while, in the darkness of my mind, twirling the rod, I wounded and bloodied the curved corner of my eyelash, like a murderer, I lost the light for myself. Great crying followed a cruel mistake, and I could not offer a spiritual sacrifice to God with my own hands until I had washed away the damage with tears; because it is dangerous for the unclean to touch the pure, just as it is dangerous to direct a weak eye at the fiery sun. I have suffered many disasters. Who will recount all the ways in which God called me, burdening His hand on me, and favoring me? But until now I have never encountered such misfortunes as those that finally befell my ill-fated soul. She would like to see someday the day of freedom, stripped of everything and naked, to avoid the fire, the capture of the powerful world, the monstrous mouth of the serpent, which is ready to swallow what it catches with its mouth; and my mind is sweet food for Belial. Who will give my head or the centuries a flowing source so that with streams of tears I can cleanse all filth in me, mourning my sins as much as I need? For for mortals and for blackened souls the best medicine is tears, burnt ashes and a safe haven on earth. Let everyone, looking at me, come into awe, acquire new strength to flee from the black Egyptian land and the bitter affairs there and King Pharaoh, and march to the divine fatherland! Let him not remain a captive on the barren plains of Babylon, sit on the banks of the river, putting aside all the song organs and bursting into tears, but hasten to the borders of the holy land, having escaped the Assyrian slave yoke, which had burdened him hitherto, and lay with his own hands the foundation of the great church! Since I, the unfortunate one, left this sacred land, the desire to return there has not ceased in me; painful suffering has plunged me into old age, my eyes are cast down to the ground, sorrow grows in my heart, I am ashamed of mortals and the immortal King; such is my clothing and such is my heart that I dare neither lift up my eyes nor open my lips. By my poverty alone I attract to myself the mercy of the King, who, being kind to all earthly beings, rejects the arrogant. Evil robbers, as it is narrated, having caught one traveler who was going from the holy city of Jerusalem to the famous town of Jericho, inflicted many insults on him, wounded him all, inflicting inglorious blows, took off the clothes that covered him and, out of cruelty, left him barely breathing. Soon other travelers found him, but the Levite and the priest passed by without showing mercy. When one Samaritan approached, he took pity on the poor man, took him, tied the scabs, left medicine for the wounds and payment to the trustee. It is very strange why the Samaritan, seeing him, took pity, but those who were better than the Samaritan did not take pity. I don’t know clearly what is hidden under this image and what secrets God hides in His wisdom. But may He have mercy on me in this! And I was subjected to the same calamities. The hater of souls, the stealer of life, tormented me in a similar way when I left the sacred city; and he deprived me of the grace of Christ and left me naked, as before Adam - the cause of dust and fall, when eating brought him down to the earth from which he came. But have mercy on me, O King; save me from death, whom the priests abandoned when they saw him exhausted; having led me into the house prepared for everyone, bind my scabs and, when my strength was restored, we went again to the holy city, where I could again be safe; protect from evil robbers, from the difficult path, from wounds and from those passing by who have a merciless heart, although they boast of piety! Two people, as I hear, entered the church: a Pharisee who thought highly of himself, as if he were more pleasing to God than everyone else, and a publican, whose heart was crushed internally by repentance for unrighteous gains. One listed in detail the fasts, legal tithes, compared himself with the ancient men and reproached the publican with the words; and the other, bursting into tears, beating his chest with his hands, not daring to even raise his eyes to the throne of the great God, that is, to the wide sky, and not looking at anyone with his servile eyes, but standing in the distance, prayed and cried out: “Be merciful, have mercy on Thy servant, burdened with sins! Neither the law, nor tithes, nor good works will save me; and he who reproaches does not lie; I am ashamed of the church, because I touch it with my reverend feet. But may Thy grace, Thy mercy be poured out upon me, defiled; Give this one hope, O King, to the pitiful lawless people.” That's what they said. God heard both and had mercy on the one who turned out to be exhausted, but reduced the arrogant one to nothing. As You saw, so You judged them, my God, Who also gives me courage, because before You I am the same wicked publican, I also sigh heavily and trust only in Your help. If my father and venerable mother repaid You for me with tears, sighs and Prayers; if they gave You even a small part of their wealth, honored You with pure and holy sacrifices (and I myself did nothing that would be worthy of You), then I beg you, remember them and help me. Remove evil worries from me, so that the thorns do not overwhelm me with their branches and stop me from moving along the divine path. You, my protection, see me through unharmed, for I am Your servant, I am Your property. You are for me from the beginning one God; My mother dedicated me to you, carrying me while still in her womb. Then, wanting to hold her son on her knees and imitating the sacred Anna, she cried out: “My King, Christ! Grant me to see my son, and You will enclose the young fruit of my womb in Your fence.” So she spoke, and God heeded her prayer; in a dream sent down from God, my mother was given my name; and then You gave her a son, and she brought me to Your sanctuaries - the new Samuel, if only I was ever Samuel. And now I am numbered with the vile and insolent sons of Your illustrious servant, Elijah, who with a foolish heart approached pure sacrifices, touching the sacred cauldrons with greedy hands, for which they had an unhappy end to their lives. But my mother, with the best hopes, allocated to You a portion of those born to her. She cleansed my hands with divine books, and, hugging me, said the following word to me: “Someone has already brought to the altar his beloved, God-given son, ready to become a sacred sacrifice. The best father brought a good son, the fruit of Sarah, who gave birth late, and the root of the offspring that hope and God's promise outlined. Abraham was a priest, and Isaac was a glorious lamb. And I, as I promised, offer you to God - a living gift; fulfill your mother's wish. You were born to me through my prayers; This is what I now pray for, that you may be perfect. I give this good wealth to you, my son, for this and for the future life; but the latter is much better.” This is the wish, mother; and I submitted to her desires, while still a youth; my young soul accepted a new image of piety; the seal was observed at the behest of Christ, Who clearly spoke with His servant, bound me with the love of chastity, bridled my flesh, breathed into me an ardent love for divine wisdom and for monastic life - the beginning of the future life, for a life that does not seek a rib that would love its flesh, but with flattering words leads to a bitter taste, for a life that brings pure love as a gift to God and not dividing the one who was born entirely of God between his wife and Christ, Who, along a narrow and difficult path, through narrow gates that are not passable for many, in solemn accompaniment, brings me to God - a God created from the earth, not born, and from a mortal who became immortal - brings me, with the great image of God, attracting my helper - the body, just as a magnet attracts black iron. Alas! What a grievous vengeance you have suffered, my soul! Vainglorious mortals, we have truly become like a light breath of wind; or, like the rushing stream of Euripus to and fro, proud of the emptiness, we revolve on the earth. Neither bad nor good - nothing is completely the same among people. The paths of good and evil go very close to each other; and the evil one does not know how he will end up later, and the good one does not stand firmly in virtue; but just as vice is weakened by fear, so virtue is weakened by envy. And Christ wants our one-day race to fight with this and that, so that we, looking at His power, would look upward. With us, he is perfect who walks the straight path, does not look back at the ashen desert of Sodom, devoured by the disastrous fire for his insolence, but quickly runs to the mountain and forgets about the fatherland out of fear, so as not to become a parable and a salty stone. With my own passions I testify to human corruption. When I was a youth and had some understanding in my chest, then, following some hidden reason and laudable customs, I ascended high to the luminous throne and walked along the royal path with not wandering feet. But now, when I have gathered my wits and am already touching the limit of life, as if from ecstasy my feet became hard, and I, unfortunate one, walk in bends; I am exhausted by the battle with the reptile serpent; she secretly and obviously steals every well-thought-out thought from me. First I stretch my mind to God, then again I get carried away into the thin unity of the world; and not a small part of my soul was distorted by the troubled world. But although black sin covered me with itself, although my enemy, like a cuttlefish spewing out its blackness onto the waters, clearly poured out dark poison on me, yet I can still make out and examine so much that I can see in the best way: who I am, what I want to achieve and where I am; unfortunate, how many times have I fallen to the ground or into the gaping abyss underground. I am not deluded by convictions, I am not captivated by words invented in defense of passions; I do not console myself by measuring the vices of others, as if I were the most perfect in comparison with others. Is it pleasant for a patient who is being cut with an iron to see that others are also being cut and that they feel even more severe pain? What gain does the wicked have from the fact that another is more wicked than himself? He who is distinguished by kindness can benefit both the good and the bad, because the sighted is gain for the blind. But to take pleasure in seeing the vicious is a sign of even greater depravity. If someone considers me good when I am bad, it is hard for me and I internally shed secret tears. It is better, being good, in the opinion of others to remain bad, than, being bad, to have the glory of being good and to be for people a deceptive coffin, which inside is full of the stench of rotting dead, and outside shines with whiteness and colors pleasing to the eye. Let us fear the great Eye, which sees both underground and in the great depths of the sea, sees everything that is hidden in the human mind. Before him nothing divides time; for God everything is real. How could anyone hide their iniquity from Him? Where will we hide ourselves on the last day? Who will help then? Where will we hide from God’s eye when the deeds of everyone are discerned by the cleansing fire, devouring the light and dry nature of sin? It is this sin that I fear and tremble day and night, seeing how the soul falls from God to earth, drawing closer and closer to the flesh that I wanted to avoid. So, on the banks of an autumn river, a proud pine tree or an evergreen plane tree, having been undermined by its roots, was destroyed by a neighboring stream. First, he shook all the supports and placed a tall tree on the rapids, and then tilted it towards the river, still supported by thin roots, and, tearing it off the rapids, threw it into the middle of the whirlpool, dragged it with a great noise and gave it to the stones, where the rain beats incessantly, and now a rotten, worthless stump lies near the banks from the dampness. And my soul, blooming for Christ the King, was attacked by a greedy, indomitable enemy, brought it down to the ground and destroyed most of it; and the little that still remains wanders here and there, if only God would resurrect it again, Who created those who do not exist, and then He will recreate those who were destroyed and bring them into another life, so that they would meet either fire or the luminous God! But will everyone subsequently meet God? We will postpone this question until another time. My King, Christ! Although hostile people call me dead and powerless, they secretly mock me, nodding their heads, laughing at my misfortune, but You do not leave me to fall under the blows of my opponents. And, firstly, strengthen me again in heavenly hopes, and, for me who is fading, for me, a thirsty lamp in a lamp, give a little moisture, a few drops of oil, so that when the fire flares up, the light renewed in me will again flow, and I will be honored with a bright life. And secondly, remove every burden from me and give it to the stormy winds, and grant me a light breeze. You have sufficiently humbled my heart. Do You punish me for bitter sin, or do You tame me with sorrows, as a young horse is tamed when driven through impassable places, or do You stop the exaltation of my mind, since it is very conveniently born in those of the pious who have a light mind and turn the very goodness of God into a reason for arrogance, or through my misfortunes, my Savior is the Word, Do You want to instruct mortals so that they will hate a vicious life, which is fickle, leads to the death of everyone, both good and evil, but they hastened to another life, to a constant, unentertained, and for the pious, better; but in the great depths of Your wisdom this is hidden, which means in the continuation of a perverted life the lessons taught to mortals, both good and sorrowful, in any case the most useful, although this is hidden for the most part from the dullness of our mind. You wisely move the helm of the world where you do not turn it; and it is only through this that we are saved from dangerous cliffs, swimming across the great sea of ​​fickle life filled with pitfalls. But I, weary and crushed by all kinds of calamities, bow my knees before You. Send Lazarus to me, who would rather cool the tongue withered in the flame with a moistened finger; and I, rich in suffering, would not have been held back by the abyss any longer and would not have been left far from Abraham’s bosom. Extend Your powerful hand over me, give me a cure for sorrows, show me all the previous miracles, all the power of signs. Say, and the bloody current will immediately dry up. Say, and the spirit of the legion will ascend into the herd of pigs, plunge into the sea and retreat from me. Remove the intolerable leprosy; let the light penetrate the blind eyes, let the ears hear the voice; spread out your dry hand; loosen the ties of the tongue; strengthen the weak feet of the feet, satisfy them with little bread; tame the terrible sea; shine brighter than the sun; strengthen your burdened forces; raise the stinking one from the dead and, seeing me hitherto as a barren fig tree, do not wither me. Others rely on something else - on the nobility of blood, on dust and real pomp; they are looking for some insignificant helper. I alone am left to You alone, King of kings, You who rule over all! You are my greatest strength! I don’t have a caring wife who would save me from incurable worries and heal the lamenting person with her caresses. Dear children, in whose presence old age is encouraged and again begins to walk in youthful steps, do not amuse me. Neither my half-bloods nor my friends console me: some were kidnapped by cruel death, others, loving kindness, are in awe at the slightest excitement that overtakes a friend. I had one wonderful consolation. Like a thirsty deer in a cool spring, so I found him in the community of perfect and Christ-bearing men, living on earth above the flesh, lovers of the eternal Spirit and good service, not bound by the bonds of marriage, despisers of the world. But they, too, fighting for You, were divided and stand one for one thing, the other for another; The jealousy of God unlawfully dissolved the law and the agreement of love, of which only one name remained. Just as someone, fleeing from a lion, runs into a fierce bear, and, having escaped from the bear, joyfully takes refuge in the house and leans his hand on the wall, but then a snake unexpectedly strikes him, so I, who have escaped many sufferings, have no cure for disasters. Whatever I encounter is more painful than before. Everywhere I seek help and everywhere from You, burdened, I turn my eyes to You again, Blessed One, to You, my help, to You, Almighty, Unborn, Beginning and Father of the Beginning - the immortal Son, the great Light of equal Light, Which, according to unsearchable laws, proceeds from the One into the One - to You, Son of God, Wisdom, King, Word, Truth, Image The prototype, the Nature equal to the Parent, the Shepherd, the Lamb, the Sacrifice, God, Man, the Bishop - to You, the Spirit emanating from the Father, the Light of our mind, coming to the pure and creating man as God! Have mercy on me; grant me, both here in my old age and in the future life, when I enter into communion with the entire Divinity, to joyfully praise You with non-silent chants! You might be interested in: