Глава 3. О том, что не должно без осторожности иметь свидания с женщинами

We have already said enough about vigilance over thoughts and curbing bodily passions, about bringing the inner man into the open space and silence, about his attention and diligence to his duties as much as possible. However, it is necessary not only to vigilantly observe thoughts, but, if possible, to move away from close communication with that which most of all, when approaching us, brings to mind passions, disturbs and confuses the mind and produces wars and struggles in the soul. For it is necessary to take upon ourselves the abuse that involuntarily befalls us, but it is very reckless to raise arbitrary abuse against ourselves. In the first, defeat (which may not happen to Christ’s ascetics!) will perhaps receive an apology, but in the latter, the defeated, in addition to being ridiculed, is deprived of an apology. Therefore, you should most of all avoid conversations and dates with women, unless some inevitable necessity forces you to meet. And when the need arises, one must beware of women like fire, and part with them as quickly and hastily as possible. Consider what wisdom says about this: “If someone binds fire into the depths, will he not burn the robe? Or whoever walks on coals of fire will not have his feet burned?” (Prov. 6, 27–28). And if someone says that he does not suffer harm from dating and long cohabitation with women, then he either does not have a masculine breed in himself and is some very strange creature occupying the middle between one and the other sex - as they say about eunuchs from birth, even if they can be assigned dispassion and insensitivity to the female sex, for “does the desire to eunuch corrupt a maiden?” - says the Wise One (Sir. 20:4), or if he has, then, being immersed in passions, he does not feel this, becoming like those who are drunk or crazy, who, in the most severe suffering, consider themselves not to suffer. But let us conditionally admit something that goes beyond the limits of reason, namely: as if another is not wounded by male passion. Even though he himself remains dispassionate, it is not easy for him to convince others that he is dispassionate. But to seduce many, without having any good deed in mind, I consider it unsafe for the one doing so. Moreover, another thing must be taken into account, namely: although a man does not suffer harm from thoughts, he will no longer argue with us in a woman’s reasoning that she is also exempt from bodily passions. On the contrary, being weak in mind and more prone to passion, she often suffers some harm from someone who carelessly met with her. And whoever does not get hurt himself often gets hurt, although he doesn’t know it. And a woman, often coming to the ascetic under the pretext of supposedly spiritual love, begins to absorb sin through her eyes, devour her neighbor’s appearance with lustful glances and corrupt the inner maiden, whom the Groom loves most of all, with unclean thoughts. Therefore, in order to prevent any of the above from happening, we must beware, if possible, of all kinds, and otherwise, at least of frequent and lengthy conversations and meetings with women, not hating this sex and not denying kinship with it, but patronizing and helping every woman, as a participant in human nature, especially those who have entered into the feat of purity, because they strive in the same way as us; but beware of dating, so as not to bring to mind the passion from which we withdrew and renounced. You might be interested in: